>You walk into the cinema
What happens next?
I fail my penis inspection and spend the next six weeks in genital re-education camp due to a penis mite infestation.
>get shot
buy some popcorn
>>69054320
> when you slip and fall because some asshole spilled their crab legs and can't be bothered to clean them up
>>69054320
I would immediately jump on her prone body and sniff her asshole and suck her vaginas through her pants until security dragged me away.
It ain't me starts playing
>>69054278
My costume doesn't pass the Elvis Cosplay inspection and I'm all shook up
proceed to the gold lounge so i may avoid the common rabble.
>hands too sweaty for the finger print scanner
>gatekeeper turns me away because of what I wrote on the "favorite dinosaur" portion of the entrance exam.
>>69055231
What the fuck did you write you punk BITCH?
>>69055244
....plesiosaur
>>69055259
AWW SHIT NIGGA FUCK YOU LETS JUMP THIS WHITEBOI ERRYBODY KNOW TRICERATOPS IS THE BEST DINOSAUR GRAD HIS VELCRO SHOE BEAT HIS TESTICLES!
>>69055259
>A water dinosaur
Sheeit
>realize I left my anvil on the bus
>be in the UK
>forgot to pay my BBC license
>my girlfriend sits with her bull instead of me
It wasn't so bad
>go to cinema at kino discount day
>only 120$ for a full kino experience
>enter the waterslide area to get to the cinema grotto
>get stopped by slide instructor
>tells me you now need a 2 week training to get your waterslide license because of last weeks accident streaks
>shit costs 5000$
>fuck no
>try to corrupt him with my crablegs megamix
>he rejects and gives me a 24 months waterslide ban
>now have to climb down the steep cliffs each time I want to get to cinema grotto
>climb takes about 2 hours
>most times just get there by the time the end credits start running
>want to leave through the cinema elevators
>get stopped again
>elevator pass is now included in waterslide license
>security trooper tells me I cant enter the elevators
>have to take the long risky dive through one of the underwater tunnels out of the grotto
>luckily I took my crablegs megamix with me to calm the cine megalodon at the middle of the tunnel
>make it out of the tunnel at the bottom of one of the cinema offshore windfarms
>take a quick break near the floating wind turbines before swimming back to the coast
>have enough change to buy me some crablegs on a log from the local crab shop
alright experience overall. I'd rate it a 7/10
>>69054320
Sorry sweetheart, I must have spilled some of the melted butter for my crab legs.
>>69054278
>get shot
>>69054278
>walk boldly to the counter
>kino monitor lizard spots me
>asks if I am part of a group
>'no'
>cinema evacuated and police summoned
>appear before cinemagistrate to plead my case
>sentenced to crab shucking duty at the butter farm
>late for dinner with mom
6.7/10 experience, would reccomend
Ask if they allow falcons in.
>>69054278
>purchase a ticket for 5:00pm screening of Zootopia
>Escorted to seat by kino guide
>He prepares my seat and issues me a bib
>Could swear he strokes my neck as he tucks the bib in
>lock eyes
>still staring as the lights go down
>kneel and unzip his flies
>he pours hot butter on my face
>take his cinecock in my mouth
>lick butter up and down and take his balls in my mouth
>film has begun
>bend over
>he inserts four crab legs into my anus
>cum buckets
>head back to the lobby and fill buckets with popcorn
>return in time to read the end credits
>shot man dressed as the joker
3/10 butter wasn't hot enough
>>69054320
What an idiot. Can't even put her arms out in front of her or anything.
>>69055164
>tfw got DQ'd by kino referee during last years quarterfinals cine tournaments for a gold pass
*unzips Kino*
>>69055402
iktf
>>69054278
>be American
>forget to tip
>get shot by theater guards
>>69057888
Checked
>>69054278
Always with the penis inspections and falconry with you niggers.
Anyway.
>Buy ticket and popcorn/drink, make idle small talk with the cute redhead lesbian behind the counter
>head into the theater
>inmediately begin jerking off
>>69054320
There she go
>>69057888
Trips confirm it happened
>>69054320
>when you pretend to trip so the staff has to pick up your spilled popcorn and they can't do anything about it
>Forget kino-approved cinema soap for cleansing foreskin pre-inspection
>Try to clean my penis with scalding hot popcorn butter from my xxl cup
>Fail penis inspection anyway because of third degree burns on penis
FML all I wanted to was jerk off to the rabbit in zootopia during the masturbation intermission.
>only have a small cinema in my area
>they have the mixed box office/popcorn counter thingy where you get both tickets and snacks
>choose seats on the touchscreen
>the cashier is just looking at me
>i look at her
>she keeps staring at me
>10 painful seconds later she goes
>"aaaaaanything else you'd like sir?"
>"im good."
>"how about some popcorn? or a beer? we have discounts on combos."
>''n.. no thank you''
>she sighs
>pay for tickets
>feel her stare as i walk away
this isn't america goddammit i dont need to stuff my face while i consume entertainment !
>>69064121
You fucking autist
>>69064121
she wanted your dick
>>69054319
Only in America.
>>69064148
what did i do wrong?
>>69064199
doubt it.
>>69064311
she wanted you to jump behind the counter, scoop her up, princess carry her into the theatre, and pound all her holes for the full duration of the movie.
>>69064311
She wanted to prolong the conversation, talk to you a little more. She thought you were cute, or at least seemed cool enough to be friends with.
Fuck, man, if she was cute I'd kill to be in your position.
>>69056764
>>be in the UK
>>forgot to pay my BBC license
>>my girlfriend sits with her bull instead of me
Reported. Only sick fucks don't pay their TV license. I hope they send you away for a long time.
>>69054320
The more you watch this, the more it feels like its staged.
>>69064121
>walk up to buy ticket at the booth
>qt cashier asks "hey sir, how can I help you"
>one ticket t-to Bee vee ess please
>"I'm sorry, bee vee ess?"
>Y-you know... Batman vs. superman?
>"Oh of course. A guy as handsome as you is seeing it alone? :)"
>don't know what to say
>I'm not making this next part up
>say "you too" and run into the theater
>manager runs after me because I hadn't paid for my ticket yet
>have to go back to the booth
>my card gets declined because I'm broke and I forgot to bring cash
>she laughs
>I leave the theater
>>69064655
Please tell me that you are just memeing
>>69064880
Unfortunately I am not.
>go over to the cinema shower
>bathroom cop tells me it's out of service because someone took a shit in it
>this is the third time this month
>he forces me to use water from the sink faucet and wash myself with it
Is this legal?
>>69054320
>>69064617
why was it being filmed?
>>69054278
leave because i thought it was a kino
You know, I went to the cinema the other day and none of these things happened.
>>69065023
>tfw they make the uncut ones go to the zyklon shower
>tfw cut so you mock and dance at them as they're forced into the cinema gas chamber
>>69065055
>He doesn't film hot girls to rate them later
Okay which one of you faggots brought a kino croc to Huntsman 2 yesterday? that scaly nigger killed my favorite crab and took off three of my toes. I had to use my .357 to put it down and even then I ended up hitting a small filipino woman by "mistake"
>>69065200
I was too busy watching mommy play queen to notice
>tfw not enough balls in ballpit
>>69064655
>>69064969
REAL HUMAN BEAN
>have to bring my mom to get past the no-singles policy
Anyone else getting sick of this?
>>69065453
Nah man, your mom gives good head.
>>69065513
STOP STOP STOP MY MOMMY DOESNT DO THAT
>go the cinema
>as always they give me a blindfold for the Smell Test
>I lean forward and take a whiff
>"...Tulips?"
>excited murmurs and scattered applause
>several more are presented: bacon frying in a pan, an old library book, a rubber tire. I pass them all with aplomb
>the crowd applauds. people pat me on the back and reach for my groin in approval. I have never passed the Smell Test before
>I take my seat for the exclusive Batman vs Superman screening in special 4D
>employees stand at the front with a variety of smells at the ready
>for every person killed in the movie, they slaughter a pig for the smell of fresh blood
>dead pigs soon pile up in the theater, obscuring the screen
>the audience begins to frenzy and the employees are quickly killed
>so much blood in the air you could taste the metal
movie was 7/10
>>69054320
Ye olden kikorian at vista village California. Friday nights its infested with beans.
>>69064655
It's absolutly not movie related and i'm not a native english speaker and also high an benzo so it's could be maybe incomprehensible
>Be me
>Have a solide 7.5/10 hot neighbor
>She throw a party and I get invited
>A soon as I come in she literaly ... I don't know how to say it
>I knew that she wanted me to have sex with her
>I was a kissless virgin
>So she turning around me
>Try to flirt with and everything
>I was not ready for this even if my friends told me that she was into me
>I litteraly just have to tell two lame sentences/joke, kiss her and then I could fuck her
>But I just can't
>my mind solidified
>Can't talk
>painfully prentend to be too drunk to do anything
>sperg out
>eventualy play the bottle/kiss game
>kiss her
>Leave
>Now I'm just a virgin
>>69055259
>technically not a dinosaur
Fucking retard.
