>be waiting in cinema before the film begins
>everyone has to go up to the front and give a little presentation about themselves
>realize I forgot to prepare
>go to the front
>shoot up the theater instead
sometimes I love being American
>>69031391
Fake and gay. Downvoted.
>there's an unannounced dance recital during the 4th intermission
>get thrown out because I didn't know all the steps by heart
How are you supposed to prepare for them if they're not even announced? Movie theaters are getting more and more ridiculous
>>69031391
I've never understood the falcon meme
Lol spicy memes guys!! hahaha Fuckin Hilarious
guys I failed my theater penis inspection for the third time in a row and now I'm banned for life, what the fuck do I do?
>>69032295
I actually got caught in the middle of a flash mob once. I though they were improvising and I joined them. They had to stop everything because I was ruining their show.
>previews end
>time to face Mecca
>forget prayer rug
>get hands and knees all sticky
>>69032342
A meme never hurt anybody
>>69032312
Neither did I until I brought my Naomi to the cinema. Now I never see movies alone.
>>69031391
>buy ticket and popcorn walk through dark doors into theatre with 5 minutes to spare
>the corridor walls are lined with smirking people staring at me
>theyre waiting to push new arrivals
>its a 'push the new arrival to the end' fest along the corridor
>get pushed and kicked down the corridor
>sometimes pushed backwards and in a circle
>join the end of the line and everyone tells me to shut up
>wait for the new arrival and start pushing him
>>69031391
Anybody else forced into the buddy system?
Does your cinema refuse to let you in if you don't have a partner? Mine only made me pay a fine. Once they raised it to $250 I bought a falcon so I wouldn't have to.
>>69031391
>go to an autism-friendly showing of captain america
>meet up with a crew from /tv/
>enjoy the film with like-minded individuals
the sounds weren't even scary this time and the lights were bright enough to keep monsters away. we had a lovely time.
>>69032624
I saw that too! I liked how they censored all the Jewey-sounding names at the end credits so we wouldn't be offended.
>go to the local cinema to see a flick
>stand in line at the lobby, place is as cold and damp as always
>employee takes my ticket, leads me down a dark tunnel
>ceiling gets progressively lower and lower until we're both crawling
>I am pushed into a small cell, he swings the iron gate shut behind me
>the room is very dark. the walls are soft and squishy. it is the size of a bathroom
>no one else is there so I get to sit down on the damp mat
>movie screen is the size of an envelope so I move the mat closer
>instead of Jungle Book its some black and white footage of a garbage bag sitting in a basement
>something in the garbage bag is moving around and yelling
>mfw
I was able to get a refund but still
>>69032410
You were recorded and put on the internet btw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULW4D__dRsU
when you go to le cinema showers and your le cinema falcon grabs your dick-kino because it looks like a le cinema ferret
>>69032769
Kek I bet that anon is gonna kill himself now.
>>69032502
Whenever I show up solo, the theater staff demands a security instead of a fine. Last time I had nothing but my trusty anvil with me, so gave them that. Really bummed me out that I couldn't even smith a shortsword during the flick.
>Be me
> Virgin, never had a gf
>Go to local cineplex to see Jem and a holograms
>Get forced into the feminization machine
>Get my hair and makeup done
>get some new clothes
>Even get given a theatre bf
>One of the more attractive ones six foot, blonde hair, blue eyes and a winning smile
>Get lost in his eyes for several minutes then we make our way to the seats
>I'm on the edge of the my seat and captivated by the dynamic acting and storytelling
>Lance is bored, starts making out with me
>I try to resist at first then give in to his overpowering masculinity
>We talk for a while after the film is over and decide to grab a meal at a fancy restaurant
>We decide we we like eachother and go on many more dates
>We're married now and due to advances in Medical science we even have a son on the way
The end
>>69032867
Yep, I am.
>>69032944Don't do it anon I was just joking
>Standing in line to see Zootooia
>Waiting for hours, Naomi is getting impatient, keeps ruffling her feathers and digging her talons into my shoulder
>Can't lose my spot in line to buy her field mice from stand
>Cinema Comptroller hands out personality profile questionnaires to make sure you and the movie are compatible
>Only one question:
>Do you want to fuck the rabbit?
>Write "no"
>Get banned from cinema for life
can you imagine being such a faggot that you waste time shitposting about americans and movie theatre etiquette while posting frogs?
>NO SINGLES POLICY STRICTLY ENFORCED
Why? What's wrong with going to the movie theater by yourself?
>>69033077
too late
>>69033108
>he doesn't want to fuck the rabbit
get the fuck off /tv/ you faggot
>>69032624
Autists are children now?
>>69032410
God I hope this is true.
>>69033270
>>69032913
Your FemMachines don't do true gender changes? I was excited when you said you were virgin because nobody seems willing to answer if you have a hymen if you're a virgin guy who gets femmed. I'm scared of going to the theater ever since they installed them.
I really enjoy this meme.
>>69033351
I am indeed a virgin male. Here in the uk they don't do true gender changes but I've heard in the US they do. Its a marvel of technology created by one Mr Bergenstein I believe.
>>69031391
I've personally helped this meme catch on at Reddit just because it's the only way you people learn the harm you're doing
no seriously
>>69033484
I thought it was Mr. Borenstine?
>Get to movie 45 minutes early
>Someone else is already using the Oculus Rift
Why the FUCK do I even bother?
>>69032402
>green eyeballs
>tfw someone's falcon got loose and goes fucking amok in the cinema showers, leaving blood and feathers all over the place
i'm never going back
>>69033351
I got my foreskin back after I changed back.
>>69033618
DELETE THIS
>go to cinema
>get myself a small crab leg mix and a coke
>spin the wheel to see which movie I'll be allowed to see
>room 3 - action
>happy with my selection I continue on
>hear swearing from behind, probably got room 5 - romance
>find my ladder and climb up
>eventually everyone who got action has climbed up their ladders
>loud beeping is heard as the water level rises 20 feet
>room goes dark and the movie starts
>every quarter or so a random ladder descends to test if the user is paying attention
>everyone who's tested climbs up to not go into the water
>a kid next to me is being tested
>he jumps as his ladder starts moving
>kid falls off
>he's franatically splashing in the water
>don't think he can swim
>can't help because I do not want to break the rules
>people shush him
>spotlight turns on and illuminates him
>human like fish creatures emerges from the depths of the water
>the kid's limbs are torn off as he's screaming in pain
>one of them tries to climb one of the ladders but is kicked down by its user
>the creatures goes back to the depths with a piece each of the boy
>spotlight turns off and we're watching the movie again
>>69034339
>half an hour pass
>a teenager sees the opportunity to get a better view of the screen
>he jumps from his ladder to the kid's
>we all know what's about to happen and cover our ears
>some even brought their own hearing protection
>white noise fills the room
>my vision blurs, that's how loud it is
>the ladder is being powered
>as punishment the teenager's being electrocuted and his flaming body hits the water
>even the creatures below wouldn't eat it
>a giant metal net shoots out of the wall and picks up the remains
>the alarm ceases
>trying to recover from the noise my vision unblurs
>can't hear yet though
>movie ends
>the room is once again lit up and water level goes back down
>we all climb down carefully to not slip
>a "ough" is heard at the back
>everyone turns their head around looks in terror
>a man in his fifties has slipped on a bone
>a harpoon shoots out of the ceiling and goes through the faller's spine
>the body is pulled up and away in a matter of seconds
>after this we're all moving slow in the fear of falling
>eventually make it out
>decide to complain
>climb the rope to the complaints booth
>woman next to me climbed the trick rope and gets shot
>at top I tell them that this practice can't go on
>get premium ladder membership as a result
>satisfied I climb back down
>smirk for myself
>I can't believe complaining about the popcorn always works
2/2
>>69034424
Same exact thing happened to me, but I brought my own ladder.
>>69034510
I wouldn't do that again. They are cracking down on people who bring their own ladders.
>>69034548
>current year
>renting a theater ladder
>>69034669
I've forwarded this to your local theater. their Ladder Collections Agents will be visiting shortly.
>Go to my local movie theater to catch a flick
>The movie theater has renovated itself into a rollercoaster called Kinocoaster.
>Strap into the kinocoaster.
>Enjoy the previews while the kinocoaster is ascending the rails.
>Get to the top of the hill.
>"Please turn off your cell phones during the feature film." Welp, better do what it says.
>Kinocoaster desceneds rapidly.
>Phone violently flies away from my hand
>Shrimp cocktail and pinot noir is spilling everywhere
>I'm locked into a 2 and a half hour movie/roller coaster.
this is my favorite meme
>>69032847
then le anvil falls on ur le head!!!!!
>>69034739
Damn you!
>>69032769
I couldn't make it past 2 minutes
holy fuck
that's amazing
>>69034817
>2 minutes
holy shit how did you do it
>>69034669
>went with my brother last time
>I told him not to but he brought his own foldable stepladder
>(it's a small countryside kinocentre)
>hid it in his baggy joggers
>everything goes fine until we pass the falconry stand
>next stand is surprise penis inspection
>inspector inevitably sees the ladder when pulling down his pants
>he immediately presses a big red button
>someone hits me in the back of the head and I black out
I don't know what happened after than but I woke up 2 days later in the parking lot next to a small box containing his medallion, cell phone and my brother's index finger
>>69031391
>Shooting up the cinema without being designated
That's pretty rude anon, the union will be hearing about this
>>69034914
Dude, going to the theater without that No Penis Inspection coupon is for the birds (figurative, not the falcons).
>big mouthful of popcorn when the popcorn light was off
>tfw escorted out by the security falcon
>>69034765
You deserve a (you) for this, pretty funny
>>69034765 (You)
>>69035150 (You)
>>69031391
>be in the cinema
>staff anounces a random penis inspection
>heavy_sweating.jpg
>have to go down to the front
>nervous as fuck because my dick is actually an assault rifle
>the woman who does the inspection is hot as fuck
>can't hold it in
>the moment I get it out I instantly shoot my entire load all over the audience
every time
Do they really fail you on your penis inspection if you're not circumcised?
>>69032750
Fucking kek
>>69034339
>>69034424
My favorite greentext of all time
>>69033156
It's a better way to spend time on /tv/ than participating in yet another fucking capeshit thread or thinly disguised /pol/ thread
Memes and green text stories are all /tv/ is good for
>he doesn't bring a flatiron and ironing board to the cinema
Have fun doing nothing during the boring parts of the movie. I use my time more efficiently and take care of some housework until an action scene starts.
>>69035442
>not firing up the Cinema CNC Mill to crank out some fresh parts during boring scenes
>>69035495
You have a mill? We have a grill. Granted the ribeyes are $35 each, but once the smell of applewood fills the theater its all good.
>>69035557
We tried to have a full kitchen in the back but the falcons proved to be too much of a deterrence. They would grab the Cinema Steaks and fly around and fling them everywhere.
Most of those falcon owners ended up going to the Cinema Jail and were sentencted to either 15 years hard labor on an Alaskan Crab fishing boat or a Taiwanese butter mine.
They came back, though. The only guy I know who didn't was sentenced 5 years in an Amazonian cave as a falcon trapper.
>>69032769
Glorious
Did your local theater ban pet goats yet? I used to bring my pet goat with me since parrots were banned but now they banned goats too and I can't go to the cinema alone but I don't like any other animals.
>go to concession stand as soon as I get into the cinema
>forced to buy two buckets of popcorn because no-singles policy applies to snacks here too
>forgot to hit the cinema showers first
>have to shower while trying to avoid getting the popcorn wet
>one of the buckets gets completely soaked
>manage to save the other bucket
>usher shows me to my seat
>give the usher the mandatory 18% gratuity and he leaves
>reach in for big handful of popcorn
>find a bunch of pubic hairs that aren't mine
>usher returns to ask me why I put my pubes in the popcorn
>try to explain
>get escorted to penis inspection area
>get shot
>>69033321
haha I want to go to one of these so badly but my AMC is run by mudbloods and they are definitely not autism friendly.
>>69035783
Chicago tried that....
>>69035728
>any year
>not going to Thailand for ladyboys
I'd give up my private shower stall pass for that.
>go to theatre with cousin because of no singles policy
>after successfully the entrance gauntlet we get in line at the concession stand
>there are armed guards patrolling the line, occasionally firing into the air to scare patrons into keeping formation
>look back at cousin to ask if she would like to share an order of ants on a log
>the second she opens her mouth her eyes roll back, blood starts pouring from her nose, her body stiffens and convulses slightly as she falls
>a stray bullet hit her cranium
>a guard sees her collapse and blows a silent whistle
>i know whats coming and turn my back as the janitorial hyenas rush to my cousin's still warm corpse and begin tearing it apart as a single tear runs down my cheek
>i then order my ants on a log, for one, and make my way to the ticket taker
>i lie and say my date went ahead and left me to buy the snacks
>ticket taker buys it and lets me through without too rough a beating
>i find my theatre room and begin descending into the video vault
>the deeper i climb the colder it gets
>my breath is becoming visible, the kindler is late in making his rounds
>i finally arrive at my vault, muscles aching and pained
>everything is frosted over but some people got there before me
>they used the steaming blood of someone who fell to melt the ice around the vault
>i find a seat on one of the poles
>i like the back poles best
>some time later the film begins and the ground lowers, leaving the poles in place
>ground fully descended, the poles begin constantly twisting and moving in patterns and pistoning
>its very painful and distracting trying to stay seated on the poles and i have a difficult time focusing on the film
>the wake up shocks sent up the pole every 5 minutes doesn't make it any easier
>luckily 20 minutes in my blood has frozen around my bottom and the pole, stabilizing me and allowing me to focus on the film
>the ants on a log proved to be a valuable source of energy
(1/2)
>vacation in canada
>turns out people in canada bring cinema beavers to the movies
>i look like an asshole with my falcon
>halfway through the movie beavers build a fucking dam and divert a stream through the theater
how am i supposed to focus on the fucking movie here canucks
>a few people have fallen off by the films end and a few more have been picked off by falling icicles
>i avoided death but my shoulder was struck
>the ground began to rise back up and i struggled to become unstuck before terror time kicked in
>i managed to shatter the red ice around my bottom just in time
>the theatre lights turned red and the cleansing grates opened
>i ran quickly to the vault door as the acid began pouring out
>only a few others managed to escape before the vault door shut
>the cold, pain, and loss of blood made it difficult to climb back up but i made it up before the shaft became completely filled with acid
overall my theatre experience was about average. jurassic world was pretty good too. gonna watch creed in a few days
>>69035900
The longer these get the harder I get
>go to the cinema
>there's a 50ft long line to use the waterslide
Every time
>>69036022
50ft isnt that long unless the slide has one of those tunnels were couples will bone in.
>>69035927
Still sounds better than having to deal with the cinema bulls in Spain. One time I went there on vacation and was told by one of the ushers that I am the torero for the day.
I just ended up hiding in the showers and missed the whole movie.
>>69036022
>tfw you finally get to use the slide
>bones and other remains have already started clogging the lower water pipes
>barely avoid the gigantic swinging axes because I'm going too slow due to a lack of friction
>it ends up saving me in a tricky turn in front of a wall of spikes that I would have hit had I been going faster
>>69036195
Does yours have the strobe lights?
>>69031391
where's the ball pit directory?
How am I supposed to tell which screen has the ball pit if the path isn't clearly marked on the floor?
>theater bully ate all my popcorn again
>>69036283
>not upgrading to the pool theater
>>69032769
this was .....sweet and hilarious
>>69036255
It used too but the designated shooter complained it was too distracting
Now they have huge spotlights they direct straight at you from the watchtowers
>>69036406
What does your designated shooter usually use anyway? Mine goes with the old scattergat.
>>69033077
>It was just a prank bro!
Somebody post the screencaps of that Welsh anon's theater experiences.
>>69036438
Old scattergat as well but he has a special rifle with silver bullets and everything from premium pass owners
>tfw I almost got a premium pass after complaining about the rust on the giant sawblades but they noticed I had been throwing water at them every time
>>69036520
for premium pass owners*
>>69036520
Those silver bullets are pleb tier for killing anything but the undead. Sectional density, bro. You should be glad.
>go to local movie theatre
>stock up on snacks before so i don't have to pay for overpriced shit at the theatre
>get take-out imitation crab legs and jujubs (i wanted to get real crab legs but mommy wont let me anymore)
>get to theatre
>they know have mandatory bag-search policy
>begin sweating profusely
>line moves, i'm next for inspection
>massive black guy asks me for my ticket and bag
>sweating intensifies
>he asks me again for my ticket and bag
>i'm completely catatonic, sweating buckets at this point
>"HOLY SHIT" somebody screams behind me
>"THIS GUYS SHIT HIS PANTS"
>i instinctively feel my ass for signs of a big no-no (last time i had one in public mommy revoked my real crab leg privileges)
>my ass is no-no-free
>a guy down the line wearing a Dawn of Justice shirt and an American Psycho totebag is on the floor crying and shitting himself, brown liquid leaking out from his cargo shorts
>black security man attempts to pick him up from the puddle of shit stew he's created on the falcon-feather carpet floor
>pants-shitter calls him a nigger and says something about a cuck shed (i didn't catch it since by this time i put on my Razr headphones to play System of a Down to drown out the noise)
>black man kicks him in the face
>police called him, take both of them away
>as police pull away jared leto crashes into the ticket booth in a hot pink lamborghini and starts shooting up the theatre lobby
>call mommy on my nokia ngage asking her to pick me up
>she freaks
I never did get to see Keanu either.
>>69036640
How would you know?
>bring my bane towel to the baths before the evening showing of Jurassic World
>not really interested in the film just wanted an excuse for an evening out
>stand outside the hot room to maximize growth
>expose myself slightly when people walk past
>10 minutes past and no-one commented on my size so I just lie down in the jacuzzi with the towel wrapped round me
>don't dry off just put on some sandals and wonder down to the screen
>i just take a beanbag from the backrow and make my way to my frontrow seat (master race)
>hang the wet towel over the arm rests and my head and sit on the bean bag
my popcorn gets a bit wet but its worth it for the immersion.
>>69036599
What would be better for high class citizens that don't want to get shot with the same thing as the plebs?
>>69036828
Winchester Black Talons, they dont make them anymore and demand a king's ransom at gun shows.
>>69032701
ugh you killed the joke, tv is literally the most jewish board by default. and this is coming from a proud protestant boy
>>69036925
I'm Mormon.
>>69036897
Thanks, I'm asking because I might have to stand in for a friend next month and I wouldn't want someone to leave a bad rating on my profile because I shot him with the wrong bullets you know
>>69036962
No problem.
>mfw the shooter tried to shoot me with Winchester white box
>>69032769
NO DELETE THIS!
>>69036949
Hi mormom, I'm mordad.
>>69037070
You're a big guy.
>>69031391
I know this is a bait thread but the amount of times there's been weirdos hanging around in the theatre showers when I'm trying to use them is ridiculous
Does this only happen at my local theatre or what?
>going to the cinema
>first time in a long time
>step though the door and onto the conveyor belt
>shit's so slow people are complaining
>apparently the maintenance is long past due to financial difficulties
>everyone gets an extra crabstick for free as a consolation
>my time at the food panel
>I choose a bag of popcorn and a coke
>confirm selection with a scan of my knee
>moments later my order falls down from a tube in the ceiling
>just in time before the belt went past
>finally the conveyor belt goes into the viewing room
>trying to stand on my toes so that I can see the screen
>people try jumping despite it being illegal
>even a stepladder is used
>guy to my left jumped and got busted and picked up by the crane
>wider space for me to stand on
>half through the movie I notice myself and the others shivering
>look to the side
>notice that the man operating the woodstove is gone
>have to step off the belt to keep the fire going
>got to be quick so my good spot at the front doesn't roll away
>must be careful because the belt is in constant motion
>nearly crush my head in some cogs because I slipped on some spilled oil on the floor
>eventually make it there
>notice that there are no more wood left in the basket
>make my way to the wood room to fetch some more
>stealthily step over the gap in the floor which was put in to stop the wood thieves
>suddenly I trip on a wire and a plow shoots from the opposite wall pushing me into a tube
>they had installed a secondary trap
>realise that I won't be seeing the end of the movie now
>sit down in the pitch dark and begin imagining the rest of the move to myself
>>69037128
its pretty universal
>tfw there's always that first timer with the boner
> Normie is kicking the the back of my seat repeatedly.
> Don't worry about it, I brought my anvil.
> Forge a quick shank during the previews.
> Stab him when the Dolby Digital® demo is playing.
> Turn the anvil into airplane mode before the feature presentation.
> Everything is bliss.
>>69035855
What kind of pleb doesn't rent a popcorn carry case before heading to the shower? Also quick question for you guys, is it customary to tip more if I get more smithing done during the flick? I've seen some kinos and come out with about 5 or 6 broadswords at a time and the ushers always give me the weirdest looks.
>go to see Jungle Book
>waiting in line to get tickets until an usher approaches me
>"sir, you're going to have to attend a mandatory talent show if you want to make your showtime"
>shit.exe
>fast forward, Jungle Book had started 53 minutes ago
>standing on cinema stage behind curtain
>my originally assigned female partner left me for a 10/10 chad thundercock who is good at singing
>hear someone shout that I'm up next
>quickly devise a plan with the help of /tv/ memes
>curtain opens, I'm standing there while Gandam Style plays
>UPBOAT REDDIT STYLE
>UP UP UP UP
>UPBOAT REDDIT STYLE
>halfways through I slip on some gunk on the floor
>whole audience starts laughing at me
>I run off stage crying while covered in a mixture of falcon shit and crab butter
>try to wash off in the theater showers, theater riot cops pepper spray me while naked and covered in butter and shit
So my trip to America was pretty good.
>arrive at cinemå
>super excited to see deadpool
>buy ticket for 8:15pm, request middle row
>go to confection-section and buy my coke and popcorn
>head to ticket checker and grab my nasal drip tray
>walk in to theatre, perfect seat
>look at nasal drip tray
>it hasn't been fucking washed properly
>absolutely disgusting, i'm nearly retching
>guy behinds me see's the dried up remnants remnants of some random persons snot in my nasal drip tray and laughs at my misfortune
>tell him to shut the fuck up and pour my drink all over his diabetic bengal tiger
>he freaks out and calls management who won't listen to my side of the story and just ejects me
i understand they don't want people's noses leaking all over the chairs and floors and such, but if you're going to make me wear a nasal drip tray at least ensure your employees are washing them thoroughly
>>69037240
How much are you tipping now?
Pls no bully:
>Sitting in VIP seats
>Drinking beer because I'm poor, and fifth bottle of milk because it's nutritious
>Each drink is resting on each of my knees
>Dumb kid runs through seat, even though kids aren't allowed in VIP seats
>Both beer AND milk spill on my Theater Approved Costume (TAC)
>Don't have anymore TAC washing coupons because I didn't fill out 250 page survey prior to attending
>Have to sit through entire flick (Boyhood) with milk and beer stained TAC
>tfw milk and beer attract theater hobos
>tfw can't see shit because hobos are all around me
>tfw no Theater Safe Space Supervisor in sight
>arrive at cinema
>it's singles night so I should be safe from the cinema nabber
>collect my ticket
>girl behind the cou ter asks me if I want to register my anvil for movie rewards
>have to decline because my licence plates are wag out of date
>head to the showers
>shower guard tells me to leave my anvil outside or it'll rust
>leave it by the door under my shoes so no one will steal it
>lather myself up
>no other guys in the showers so I don't have to estimate my penis length against their's
>suddenly a flash
>shower camera took my picture for the cinema's website
>get really upset but realize I have no legal grounds to complain
>enter the drying room and let my body drip for about 20 minutes
>step outside while buttoning my shirt
>my anvil and shoes are gone
>feel tears forming in my eyes
>go to the counter to ask what happened
>they say they saw a man take the anvil but he had a girlfriend so they had to let him go
>they give me a free crab legs to compensate
>I hate crablegs but at least it's free
>enter cinema to watch the film
>10 minutes into the ads the foot checker comes in
>he grabs my foot and asks why I don't have shoes
>I try to explain but people are banging their anvils so loudly for the movie to start that he can't hear me
>foot checker whistles and nabber springs up from behind me
>nabber grabs me with his wirey fingers and pulls me through my seat into the soft box
>have to sit quietly in the soft box until the movie ends
>have to explain to my mom why I need an advance on my anvil allowance
>"no <6' males" policy in effect
Do they allow you guys to jack off in the showers?
Mine used to until that notice went around about semen choking the pipes.
>>69032769
>flash mobs exist
I hate this generation, have they no shame?
Honestly i see no difference between these fucktards and the creepy fat dude. Everyone there needs a mouthful of lead.
>>69037305
Managed to get out of this one once by saying someone <6" can't be a male
They let me enter as pet for some 6"5' guy (who's now my bf btw)
>>69037305
My local theaters only allow <6' males to see the child viewings.
Not that it makes a difference, because I couldn't see them sitting on the chairs in the first place!
KEK
>>69037188
>Turn the anvil into airplane mode
This gets me every time
>>69037260
>>69037188
>>69037148
>Reposting stories
You know you'll be fucked if you pull that shit when describing your last visit to the Interrogation Panel™ in order to verify your Loyalty Points™, right?
>>69032769
>nobody even mentions backpack bro who joined in the mock them
>go to cinema
>buy myself a ticket for the premiere of a movie
>buy a bucket of crab legs and a coke
>look at ticket and see that I'm second to top on the green/white striped rope
>make my way down the long pitch dark hallway
>it gets narrower and narrower as I go further in
>can't see anything at this point
>I carry on
>eventually I have to sidestep to get through
>I end up in a small and dimly lit room with a giant rusted bunker door infront of me
>can't even budge it
>have to wait for more people to help me open it
>it took us five people to get it open
>as we open it steam comes out
>go inside
>it's hard to see as the screen is the only thing lighting up the room
>the steam is coming through the grates in the floor
>I look through one of them but I can't see the bottom, only darkness
>I eventually find my rope and look up
>person already there
>great, do not have to wait for him
>climb up to my spot
>the ropes are quickly filled
>we shout for the movie to start
>fifteen minutes in the kid above me slips down
>I lower myself a bit to not get hit
>he climbs back up, so do I
>this goes on for about ten minutes
>can't take it anymore so I hit him with a crab leg
>he climbs back up, apologizes and stays there
>finally I can focus on the movie
>I'm sweating alot at this point
>the steam is so hot and damp that holding on to the rope is hard
>people are complaining, some are yelling for someone to turn on the air conditioning
>one man at the bottom of a nearby rope can't take it anymore
>he runs to the switch on the wall but as he touches it he lights up as he's being electrocuted
>he forgot to put on the insulated gloves hanging beside
>his lifeless body falls to the floor as one of the tiles tilts towards the wall
>the wall opens up and shuts as the body rolls through
1/2
For other femanons here, do you get called lesbians when your nipples get raging hard in the showers?
>>69032769
>>69037452
>people continue watching the movie despite being uncomfortable hot
>it's so hot that I can't think straight anymore
>starting to hallucinate, but I snap out of it
>a while later a guy at the top of a rope next to me faints
>he falls and sends everyone on the rope down onto a grate
>the grate can't hold this much weight and breaks
>they vanishes into the darkness
>silence ensues before being met with growling coming from the depths below
>must be the crawling creatures that's being rumoured around
>try my best to ignore it and pay attention to the movie
>movie goes on for what seems like hours
>I look at my watch but it has stopped
>guess I should have bought a waterproof one, that's how much I'm sweating
>I ask the guy behind me for the time but he stares at me with a pale white emotionless face
>must have gone mad from the heat I think for myself as I turn around and continue watching the movie
>the credits finally start rolling
>we all climb down our ropes
>the kid above me falls down the last metres, but he's okay
>I congratulate him for managing to hold on for so long
>we make our way to the door
>two guys try to pull the lever to unlock it
>it won't budge
>a third person joins in and it snaps
>we look at eachother for a moment
>we bang on the door for someone on the outside to open it
>nothing happens
>a guy from the back pushes his way to the front
>he grabs the handle out of the hand of one of the guys
>desperately trying to reattach it to the door, but to no avail
>he screams in terror as he hurdles towards the broken grate and dives down
>behind us the credits are coming to an end
>we quickly find ourselves in complete darkness as the final credit goes off the screen
2/2
>>69037447
I'm aware, but I do it for the sake of others.
Normally takes a few reposts to get new stories posted.
These stories were funny, unfunny, then back to funny again. You Amerikeks and your theaters.
>>69037462
No, but I get a few strange looks when I start fingering other women XD. Tee hee.
>everytime i use the theater showers
>hardcore homosexual orgy
>get covered in other men's blood and shit while I try to clean myself
This needs to STOP
>>69037592
Dyke! You're ruining it! You have the Lez Stalls for this!
>>69037448
Timestamp?
>BvS opening the next day
>go early to the rehearsal screening
>decide to kick it in the theater arcade for awhile
>drone warfare control online for once
>accidentally kill some French tourists instead of Egyptian arms dealer
>still get 500 ticket jackpot
>>69037462
I am so so sorry in advance of what is about to happen. Trolls are going to come into this thread and say some very hurtful things about you.They will call you some very hurtful things.But none of those things are true. How could they possibly know? How could they possibly know how beautiful you really are? How sweet and compassionate you are? I am so sorry about them please do not let them hurt you.
>mfw thinking about you hurting
I just want to see you shine and flourish. You are so precious to me. I want to write poetry and sing songs about my adoration for you and all of your perfections. My name is Brian by the way. If anything I'll be the one in the kitchen.
>have to submit to a penis inspection if i want butter on my popcorn
>the girl performing the inspections is really cute and i don't want her to see my micropenis
>have to use the stick of butter i brought hidden in my backpack
>keep panicking whenever the popcorn inspectors come by inc case they notice my illegal butter
>in line at the theater
>standing in front of me in a trenchcoat is what has to be two kids, one on the other's shoulders
>seven feet tall and swaying, can't stop making noise
>he goes up to the counter
>"SCREEEEEEEEEEE"
>the trenchcoat falls to the floor as falcons, dozens of them, burst forth from inside
>everyone panics as the lethal birds soar through the air
>both employees and patrons unload their assault weapons into the birds
>a frothy mix of blood, butter and feathers quickly flows throughout the building
>authorities arrive and immediately begin dragging people off to the salt mines
>I avoid imprisonment by hiding in a cardboard display for Norm of the North
>>69031391
I laughed
>>69037697
he's in the way back left
>be American
>decide to go to the theater to see a new flick
>forget to put on my full theater gear
>get shot
fucking bullshit, my theater didn't even have rentals
>>69037269
21% but that's only on the cover. My usual spot charges a flat 200$ for anyone with an anvil but you get premium features like keeping it in the kinoshed during showers but I'm bringing my own material now because the manager thought it was too costly to run the steel house. Don't get me wrong I know the ushers do a good job but most of them can't even stand in as a striker and I've been hit the past two time ive gone kinoing by the designated shooter because an usher failed to sound the mandatory warning.
>>69037865
It's part of the experience you idiot, it's like complaining about the fact that you get wet in a swimming pool. The gear is for children and first-time goers.
>go to local cinema
>Lonely Bill follows me through the reception area, the popcorn pits and even when I sit down
Fuck, now he'll probably just stare at me through the whole film. He could at least sit down.
>tfw the penis inspector slaps your ass on your way out of the cínerama Turkish bath
So what does your theater's penis inspection entail? Recently the penis inspectors at my local theater have been sticking tubes down my urethra and extracting semen straight from my testes. It's really unpleasant.
>>69037744
You're alright anon, top of the class in memeing. I bet you get send to Australia to further your Memesters Degree.
>>69038035
A Boy And His Dog style?
Help me out here, guys. How the fuck do I avoid getting ejected for a plain chips violation if the theater only accepts their own nacho cheese ration vouchers?
>>69038352
Stop being poor.
They exclusively use On The Border chips for a reason, poor-o.
>Head to Ye Jolly Kinoporium
>Purchase ticket from ticket stall
>Purchase ticket stub from separate ticket stub stall
>Had enough change from the two shillings I brought to get some refreshments, buy jellied eels from urchin, ale from public bar, and pork scratchings from saloon bar
>Head to bathroom for pre-performance relaxation, spend so long getting the temperature of the water right I miss the start of the showing
>Thankfully am able to enter the hall during the first intermission
>Politely refuse miniature tub of ice cream salesman
>He challenges me to a duel for this insult
>Accept, set time for 10 Bong the next day
>Sit down, discover man in front has top hat obscuring the screen
>Challenge him to a duel
>The swine refuses and simply removes his hat with a polite apology
>Am so aghast at this behaviour I cannot enjoy the rest of the kino
>Spend rest of showing throwing pork scratchings at his painted jezebel
>Drunken aim from the ale means some land in orchestra pit
>Get politely asked to leave, if I don't mind, they really don't want to be a bother though, it's entirely up to me
>Given how forcibly they've put it, have no choice but to make a dignified exit
>One gentleman sniffs as I walk past
>Make mental note to thrash him at next week's bridge game
>Take black cab home, discover wife engaged in carnal sin with the chimneysweep again
>This never would have happened if BoJo had won the election
>it's time for government mandated weekly movie time
>all citizens must attend for indoctrination
>colourful characters in caped costumes play fight while spouting SJW propaganda
>whatever, at least I'll have my falcon with me
>take care to preen it's feathers and polish it's beak so that it passes inspection
>also ensure I am wearing my colonoscopy bag
>not allowed to leave the seats once the movie begans, or the government appointed theatre shooter will get you
>shat myself last time
>tried to hide it in my popcorn tub but it just spilled onto my legs
>got fined 3000 dollareedoos and had to do 48 hours bull prepping at the interracial breeding grounds
>that's 48 hours straight
>still pretty exhausted
>maybe I'll be able to get some sneaky sleep
>arrive at kîñotheatré
>pay the 70D white male ticket price
>have no money left for food or showers, guess I'll just go straight in
>movie begins, Adam Sandler again
>keep trying to nod off but my falcoln keeps pecking me and my bag is uncomfortable
>also the people of darker hue won't be quiet and keep throwing bricks at me
All in all it was a passable movie if you didn't think too hard, 7/10
>>69039057
PHONE POSTERS LEAVE REEEEEEEEE
Hey what you guys talk about?? Is not real? :) haha
>>69032750
This is poetry.
>>69033184
>Why? What's wrong with going to the movie theater by yourself?
enjoy getting killed by some amateur loner and not your designated cinema shooter
>Enter local kinoplex
>It's pogo night tonight and i forgot to bring my registered stick
>Everybody swivels on their bouncing poles and looks at me in disgust
>Leave quickly with a red face and tears streaming down my cheeks
>Spot a group of homeless scavenging out the front for falcon feathers
>It's going to be a cold winter now that kinoplex owns the rights to every source of wood in the state
>I gingerly approach one of the hobos and offer one of my smuggled sticks of butter in exchange for an old pogo stick he is spit-roasting a crab on
>Realise i'll also need a decent disguise in order to re-enter the cinema and offer him another stick if he'll give me his pubic hair
>The hobo agrees but refuses to touch his lice-ridden bush
>He hands me a falcon talon from his belt
>I shave away vigorously and fashion a pretty decent beard
>Look at my watch and realise i've already missed the opening ads
>Mount my newly acquired vehicle and hurry inside quickly
>The place is now deserted save for a single attendant and an emu wearing a fez serving popcorn
>I almost forget to present my blood sample when buying my ticket for ghostbusters and hear a harpoon being winded
>The attendant forgives me but issues a $300 fine
>I completely forget about the swinging pendulum on my way to the veiwing arena and get hit clean in the elbow
>Luckily it's still blunt from last nights disney kids initiation
>When i enter the stadium i'm greeting by the droning buzz of kazoos being blown in unison
>The movie is about to begin so i squeeze in behind a group of noisy philippians on motorized pogos
>Feel immense jealousy that they won't have to work their calves for the next 10 hours
>After a 10 minute long tribute to THX the flick begins
>A silverback gorilla appears hooting on screen while flinging shit at the audience
>The ushers are flinging actual shit at us because it's a 4D film
>Everybody puts on their swimming caps and i realise it's been far too long since i was in this scene
>MFW
Does anyone have the vocaroo link to the anon calling his local movie theater and asking about the singles policy, cinema showers, and references other /tv/ memes?
>>69040482
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1Bx0KF9cj4w
>>69040916
kek this is gold
>>69040916
>It ain't me starts playing in the background
>theater singles policy means I can only get bottom shelf candy
>it's shit like animal crackers and dots
>Junior mints on top shelf
>>69037452
>>69037491
That's pretty good.
>go to see django with my wife's son
>kid gets sick and pukes on me
>walk out to the cinema showers
>don't have enough change
>wipe down best I can
>try to enter back into the cinema
>no singles policy
>wait outside until the movie is over
>kid comes out with a another family
>ignores me
>it aint me starts playing
It's my first time on /tv/, I think, you guys win all autism prizes.
>>69032769
D-DELETE THIS
>>69032769
>mfw the abuse people would get if they tried pulling this shit where I live
>>69032769
>backpack guy giving a nazi salute at the end
>>69041214
i love it
i'm sick of all your fuckin' ferrets getting rowdy and biting my ankle, so I took action. /tv/, I'd like to introduce you to Henry, my kino croc. think twice before bringing in your fucking ferrets.
>>69037343
That's disgusting. Use the theater's designated Masturbation Pen like everyone else.
>tfw banned from the cinema pools for violating the no speedos policy
>>69032769
Flash mobs should be holocausted
>>69031391
are you not supposed to use the squat racks in the theater? Whenever I try too get a few reps in the people in the first row always give me weird looks
>go to see jungle book
>realize halfway through the movie that I forgot my cinema shower pass
>realize what that means
>as most moviegoers during the credits, I remain in my seat like the other people without passes
>once they all exit I strip naked in the theater with the other peasants
>line up with the other pass-less theater patrons infront of the screen
>women loudly crying holding her infant child tightly, she knows what is about to go down
>the spotlights from the cinema watchtowers shine upon us
>the cinema warden enters and orders the guards to hose us down
>brace myself as i am hosed down by the powerful hose the guards use to hose down the screen after each screening
>several of us go toppling down, our naked bodies sliding about the floor from the pressure of the hose
>as the screams grow louder the hoses pressure only increases
>after 15 minutes things finally end
>we struggle to our feet, bruised and bloody
>getting dressed afterwards
>find my shower pass in my jacket pocket I was wearing all along
boy did I feel dumb!
>>69042546
I wouldn't do it, I had a bad experience
>watching Rocky Balboa in cinema a few years back
>get fired up from the last fight scene and decide I want to pump a few sets in the cinema squat rack
>after my third set the weight becomes too much for me to handle
>I go down too far on a rep and realize I didn’t have any safety bars to catch the weight if I failed
>try to push the weight back up but I’m too far down at this point
>I try to muffle a yell but everyone in the theater is ignoring me
>after finally letting out a cry for help, end up getting shushed by the couple next to me and a kid gets out of his seat to pour his 8 gallon Pepsi on me
>eventually the weight forces my shoulders and torso forward, pinning me to the ground
>everyone dumps their popcorn on me as they exit the theater
9/10 not a bad installment to the Rocky franchise
>>69032410
Kek
What's your falcon named? Mine's Naomi.
>>69042635
>tfw you forget your pass but the dirty rainwater tanks are empty so they can't blast you and they just give you a beating to simulate the experience anyway
>>69042789
Wow mine too!
>>69032769
I didn't know what a flash mob was before now, I figured it was a crime syndicate filled with fast guys. But this is really shitty...if I saw something like that in real life I'd be very uncomfortable and try to get as far away as possible.
>get to theater
>want to enjoy a nice fap before the flick
>the designated cucking booths are already all occupied
>>69035215
No, they just get the rabbi to do circumcise you before they let you in.
>>69039019
>2016
>not wearing a kino diaper
>Premiere night of the phantom menace
>There's registered member group policy for the night
>If you're not in a clan of more than 30 and wearing your designated club jacket you must submit to an hour of force fed cavalcades through a metal funnel
>One of our group members gets taken by a mob of falcons as we near the counter
>our numbers are now 29 and we are royally fucked
>decide to abandon all hope and run for the showers
>a large portly women has her legs spread across the entrance
>I shake hands with her owner while slipping him a crab leg and he whips her till she lowers her legs
> I can hear the shuffling of crab legs and know my time is near
>I dive into the first shower booth and slip on some butter
>MFW i broke my spine and had to drag myself out the window by my tongue
>MFW i accomplished this in 30 seconds due to the buttered floor
>go to theater myself
>theater is packed
>a couple couldn't get seats next to each other
>the dude sitting next to me and his gf sitting infront
>offer the trade them seats
>they say thinks and ask if I am here by myself
>"...yea."
>use my run-of-the-mill I already seen this with friends and catching a second view excuse
>he gives me a box of Whoopers
>go to see BvS
>Doomsday kills Superman
>hear a faint sigh
>oh god no
>quiet scene
>like 4 or 5 girls crying
>burst out laughing
>some guy tells me to shut up
>no
>after movie there was the guy searching for me
>just play it cool and walk out
The nes at the start are really disturbing.
>>69032769
every one of those people deserves to be made extensively uncomfortable by a fat autist
shit is horrible
>bring Naomi to see Zootopia
>she gets pissed off there arent any birds in the movie
>>69037347
>>69045446
agree
>go to cinema
>stand at the bottom of the ticket pyramid and slowly crawl up as the line moves
>steep as fuck, people in front of me fall as they forgot their climbing hear
>finally reach top and get a ticket to Zootopia
>"alright sir, your theater is on the left"
>slide down other side of ticket pyramid into the lobby
>make extra sure to jump over the crocodile pit at the end
>order some popcorn and take my seat in the singles section
>usher locks us in and warns us that the cage to the section is now electrified
>everyone in the singles section starts beating it to the rabbit
>kids and moms screaming
>usher runs in with a fire hose and blasts us all indiscriminately
>force of water knocks us off of our cinema stools and onto the electrified ground
>spend next 2 hours getting electrocuted until usher opens cage after film
>>69037704
>Playing Drone Warfare Control in the arcade
>Slow day so I start to target schools
>Kebab children start running out so I target them as well
>Cinema Priest comes up behind me
>OhShitImInTroubleNow.jpg
>He lectures me for an hour on how I'm not correctly leading my shots
its pathetic how you faggots are too insecure to actually go out and watch movies
must suck staying at home all day waiting for movies to be released on the internet so you can torrent and watch them in your musty basement
i feel sorry for you cunts
>>69032769
why is it always college students? do they not have anything better to do?
>2013
>graduate high school
>move on to shitty CC
>gf leaves me because she's still in high school
>go see cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 because i liked the first one
>by myselff
>kid sits behind me with old lady
>"grandma why is that creepy man all alone?"
this is why i torrent
>>69047733
What kind of monster do you look like?
>not sitting on a chair in your shower stall, smoking your pipe and having a beer with your bros while reading the newspaper
sometimes I get in there early and shave too
>tfw you will never live in a time before Blockbusters put mobile cinemas out of business
My dad told me some stories recently about how much fun kids in his neighborhood used to have when the movie truck would show up. I'm kinda sad I never got to experience that
>>69047733
That's some impressionistic meme you're living anon. Like a van gogh painting.
Kek, get fucked Trumptards
>>69032769
This shit is so fucking stupid.
>>69032913
>seriously came to this post
>Go to the theater.
>Penis Inspections are mandatory.
>Forgot that I'm still locked my chastity device.
>Get laughed at by the girls that do the inspections.
>Just wanted to see Jungle Book.
>>69047860
>not viciously jerking it with your friends to the females that can't afford privacy shutters
>>69047995
I'm glad I made you happy anon
>>69031391
Well for one that happened to me this weekend
>go to see Keanu with Aunt
>she's going through divorce so I think some laughs will do her good
>monsterfat sits two rows in front of us
>hear a loud wet fart as previews begin
>smell wafts back and we realize monsterfat has shit itself and sees no reason to get up or leave the theater
>awkwardly sit there for a minute before moving a few more rows back
>can still smell the shit
>move a few more rows back
>people come in and get all excited at good seats being open
>everyone smells the shit and moves back with us
>there's a huge empty area around monsterfat throughout the entire movie
>it has brown sludge running down it's leg as we follow it out after the credits
>My aunt starts laughing way harder at that than anything in the movie
>mosnterfat gives us a glare like we're the bad guys for laughing at it shitting itself in public
>Go to the movies alone
>Went to see Zootopia or Deadpool or some shit
>Walking to the theater
>Shit forgot the theater has a singles policy
>Fuck I'm going to be late
>Run back to the car
>in the trunk I have a blow up sex doll (don't ask why)
>Blow that shit up as fast as I could
>Almost pass out
> Ok done, now to walk back
>Get up to the ticket counter
>"2 for Zootopia"
>"That'll be $16"
>Reach into pocket grab wallet and grab the money
>Hands covered in sweat
>Hand her the money, hoping the sweat didn't leak onto the money
> She gives me the tickets
>Holy shit it worked
>Sit down in the theater
>Everythingisgoingtobeok.gif
>halfway through the movie
>BANG
>Everyone is in a panic wondering if there is a gunman
>Look over, my blow up doll burst
>SHIT
>Security comes in see me by myself and kicks me out and calls the cops
And that's how I ended up in prison for a year
>>69048113
Did that actually happen? This is probably the only story that can be real
>walk to the cinema to see the new Goosebumps film
>I'm a single but, but the girl at the ticket booth felt bad for me and agreed to let in if I bought 2 tickets instead
>half time at cinema
>jumbo garlic crab legs ran right through me
>desperately need to shit but the toilets are out of order
>duck into transgender shower with a locking door while no one is looking
>insert shower token and water starts running
>pull down my pants and release on shower floor
>try to push rancid garlic-crab shit down the drain
>pushed about 75% of the rancid mass down the drain before the water shuts off
>already used the last of my tokens
>pull pants up and try to sneak back to my seat before half time ends
>cinema cops see me leaving transgender bathroom and preform on the spot penis inspection
>the lady cop preforming the inspection is hot and I instantly get erect and fail
>they ask for my cinema partner's phone number so they can come and retrieve me
>mfw
>detained at the cinema for 48 hours
>they let me leave after preforming a lengthy psych evaluation and background test
>forget to tip the doctor and get banned from the cinema for 6 months
>still don't know how Goosebumps ends
>>69032769
Ah this was when flash mobs meant mostly white kids doing a choreographed dance. Now it means niggers spontaneously mass looting.
>go to watch birdman in the theatre
>leave my helmet at home because I got bullied for having Hatsune MIkku on it last time
>get on my bike and start pedaling laps around the kinotrack while previews start
>eventually get tired and try to pull over to rest
>asshole in a motor bike doesn't call out that he's incoming on my left
>slams into my bike and sends me flying
>knocked out cold
>wake up two thirds into the movie and miss all the exposition
>can't even get a refund
i fucking hate bikers.
>>69040396
>The ushers are flinging actual shit at us because it's a 4D film
amazing
>>69036283
>the memes are real
>>69032769
Been so long since the /sp/ joins a flash mob video has been posted. Thanks for the chuckle.
>go to cinema
>realize I forgot my penis length confirmation card
>usher grills me as I'm heading into barbershop 3
>says I'm not black enough to see the movie and he needs to see proof of my penis length
>run out the back door as fast as possible
Fuck all the gay shit they make you do now.
>>69032769
Me on the right
>be 2 nights ago
>going to suburban cinema in outer canberra to watch cap america: civil war
>8:30 PM showing, fair amount of people there but not by any means packed
>for some reason there's a huge amount of qt aryan blonde girls aged 15-19 there seeing the movie with their boyfriends. these girls are ridiculously gorgeous, long hair in pony tails or just let free, i haven't' seen so many qts in a long time
>almost 50% of the girls have a black or brown boyfriend they are with
>i'm triggered
>angry and annoyed the whole movie, can't enjoy it when I know i'm seeing it with coalburners
>leave cinema bitter having movie viewing experience totally ruined
>>69049557
>Not seeing the Whites Only screening
I know it's not public information but come on I thought everyone on /tv/ knew about these
>>69049614
This was supposed to be a whites only screening given most niggers don't live in this area. I'm shocked and appalled at the fact that somehow this cinema has a very high concentration of extremely pretty girls going to it, and also an extremely high concentration of coalburners. I hadn't seen this many super pretty girls in one location for years and years before this.
>>69042231
Only guy who really gets it.
>>69049644
Elliot, is that you? Have you returned to bring us salvation?
Did we start the fire, brother?
>Go to theater
>Everyone's falcon is being free and happy
>my seagull is being bullied by the falcons
>try to buy tickets to flick
>"we're sorry uh… sir, but this is a strictly kino theater"
>only wanted to watch Allahu Snackbar: Brando Goes to Baghdad
>buy random tickets to whatever since i'm there anyway
>am escorted to my seat
>it's just the bathroom stall
>there's a piece of paper with a drawing of Gosling scowling and the word periodical etched on the wall
>turn around to a giant turd in the toilet
>they confiscated my seagull feed
>can hear distant laughter and banter and feel rumbling beneath my feet
>it's all in a french-german pidgin specific to this one theater
Life is suffering
>>69036283
WeW
>>69032402
How do you fail a penis inspection? What did they find?
>ride into my local theater
>weird looks from cashiers and fellow moviegoers as I buy my food
>get nice and comfy in the theater
>suddenly manager comes up and talks to me
>tells me horses aren't allowed in the theater
>become so enraged that I drop my tub of butter on accident
>manager slips on the butter and falls off the theater tower
>alarms start blaring
>spur my horse and start riding out as fast as I can
>they release the theater kangaroos
>almost get caught
>they don't stop chasing me until I'm several miles away
>probably banned from that theater now
At least my horse was fine
>go to booth to buy ticket
>hope the singles only policy isnt being enforced today
>cia behind the counter
>one ticket to ant man please
>erm, you dont get to not bring friends
>have to walk back to the bus stop through line of people staring and laughing at me
>cias face when
Haha the irony is thats not even an american cinema, that's my local cinema here in Ausland
>>69050212
what do you mean by 'that'?
>>69050212
The pic in OP's post
>>69037491
Why do theatres do this shit nowadays?
>>69040916
> you have a nice night
> you too
> you too
The rest was alright. Good conversation practice just work on your farewells. The normies are getting better at sensing us
>go to cinema
>leave my falcon with the bag boy as I go to take a shower
>come back thirty minutes later
>falcon is gone
>bag boy is gone
>his shift ended and he left with my falcon
>current bag boy asks for a 10% tip for this information
>give it to him
>go to watch the flick
>ticket taker won't let me in alone
>try to explain what happened to my falcon
>he's not buying it
>go back to bag boy
>give him another 20% to watch the flick with me
>ticket taker lets us in with a 12% tip
>sit down with bag boy
>watch flick
>the handjob isn't even that good
>>69032769
everyone except the fat guy and the guy with the backpack should get shot
>>69037257
I don't know if this is a repost or not, but I laughed my ass off. Underrated post 2bh senpai
>head to the kino
>get there a little early and slip the usher a $50 for his tip and a good seat
>go through the showers and inspections without a hassle
>enter the viewing station and realize it's pre-kino games
>have to sit on the dunk tank for the entirety of the movie
i missed a few crucial scenes when i got dunked and had to swim away from the theatre orcas.
