who /snatched/ here?
make no mistake, i will snatch every motherfucker birthday
>>68979899
Every birthday is now an enemy of the republic
>TFW wanted the punani but every motherfucker punani snatched
>>68979965
Why wasn't Seagal ever in Star Wars, famicoms?
I think he'd make a decent background Jedi.
>>68981136
He'd never agree to do it if he wasn't the hero and survived till the end. That's why he turned down American Sniper, Chris Kyle dies.
anybody seen jon?
why'd they snatch jon's motherfucker birthday?
>>68981272
Who /House Punani/ here?
are my /birthdayboy/'s ready for the year of seagalkino
BABILUPPO
BIGFAKAMAMELUKO
CHICKENSHITPUSIASSHOLE
>>68981367
>not being /house motherfucker/
Has anyone ever known anyone like sensei in real life? I went to school with a guy like that, looked like him with the squinty eyes, black hair and went bald, leather trenchcoat and was delusional about how he was perceived and collected katanas though he was a foot shorter. Is it genetic?
>>68981190
He's such an operator
>>68981763
I think you mean Punani Priest senpai.
>>68981863
Kek, he truly believes this
>>68981451
He's really going all out this year.
>>68981451
Do these pieces of shit actually make a profit?
>>68981863
Holy fuck is this for real?
>>68981136
But he was anon
>>68979899
DEY
>>68981860
That tiny vest. ha
>>68982070
I don't know what the budget is for them, but it's possible. Someone mentioned that money laundering might be going on. I think he might have a lot of international fans so that might count for a good amount of sales. Perhaps, the films shot in Romania and elsewhere might have some gov't funding to attract filmmakers.
>its another Seagal thread
>with the same jokes
>with the same tired old webms
Its time to put this meme to rest boys
Would you snatch the punanis of his two twenty-something daughters?
>>68982369
left, sure
right looks like she got too much birthday snatcher genes. i could never fuck her and not crack up laughing at seagal lines.
>(2000 + 20) - 4
>snatching motherfucker birthdays
>not snatching punani
Seagal can't even catch his breath anymore, let alone birthdays
>>68982433
>I- I'm gonna cum! Keep fucking me!
>well, I'm sorry to hear that
>go flaccid and roll over uncontrollably laughing
Who /bloodbank/ here?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Jji78uEW14
>>68982433
>>68982369
>be banging girl on the right
>"So who are you? Some special forces guy or something?"
>reply "I'm just a cook. Just a lowly, lowly cook"
>laugh
>proceed to cum with the force of a thousand suns
>>68982641
Did they only do one take, or what?
The way he starts whispering midway through is fucking hilarious.
What do you think he looks like without a shirt?
>stegalposting already this dead
CRASHING THIS MEME
WITH NO SURVIVORS
>>68982789
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
>>68982789
we had a good run lads
>>68982789
>baneposting
>not seagalposting
>>68982825
Why Richie did Bobby Lupo though?
This shit is pure kino.
>>68982740
He's not fat, just big boned.
>>68982740
That's definitely a beer belly.
>>68982740
Like poorly tied sausage.
>>68982869
from snatching all those birthdays right?
must have eaten all of them too, after all, he was just a lowly, lowly cook
>captcha: select all the food
>seagal at it again
>>68982857
Baby Lupa cukeckd Richie
>>68982740
Now that I think about it, have we ever seen Seagal naked in any of his movies? The only thing I recall seeing him with some degree of nakedness were the shirtless scenes during Hard to Kill.
>>68982869
Were those cops Steven's first actual friends?
>>68983001
There's a semi sex-scene in Into the Sun if i recall. I think he is shirtless in it.
Guys, tone it down a bit. We don't need non-stop Seagal threads. You're a bunch of amateurs when it comes to memeing tbqh
>>68983151
>semi sex scene
Are you serious. Kek, I want to see it.
>>68983091
I really doubt apart from that attention whore asswipe Chief Sheriff who hired Seagal for his department.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_dnw7uz6rY
>>68983151
Hey, the weaboo is going to fight a Chinese guy, I wonder how that's going to turn out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_-MXLG_i-c
>Dat coreography
Pure kino
>>68983179
I was wrong, but atleast he got to see some asian tits.
Also, what's up with Seagal watching women dance in front of him? I've seen it in so many films of his.
>>68983346
one of the best shots in cinematic history
>>68982308
That is a regular sized plate carrier placed a little low. That is the least wrong part of the whole scene.
>>68981763
enjoy getting your birthday snatched, motherfucker.
>>68983425
what is he, liek 50 in this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E1NFckaDqU
Is there anything this man cant do?
>>68982369
oh no! the one on the right looks like him!
>>68981808
I did aikido for 2 years, my teacher was all into eastern shit and did acupuncture, but was really short. he really knew aikido and karate, gotta give him that.
>>68983590
whistle
>>68983581
Women cant resist Seagal. Women wet their panties every time they see picture of Seagal.
If you were a woman you would furiously masturbate every night thinking about Senpai Seagal.
>>68983674
This is true.
Ever since i got my vagina Seagal have been on my mind constantly.
>>68983478
What was the worst? Him looking away while shooting from his chest lol
Has Steven Seagal discovered the secrets of growing hair? How did he do this?
>>68983836
It is like he forgot his finger was on the trigger and he starts turning. Also don'y know why he takes his firing hand off the rifle at the end of the shot. Supposed to use your support hand for any shit you need to grab.
>>68983914
punani magic
>>68983914
Ancient over 700 years old oriental wisdom
>>68983914
every time a birthday is snatched, steven seagall grows another dollhair
>>68983914
Hair seeding. It's better than wearing a wig.
>>68983914
He's literally a God. Growing hair is nothing to him.
>>68983914
With the power of Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt
>>68984054
No, he uses the spray-on stuff that comes in a can. Several of his costars have mentioned it.
>>68983425
Kek, reminds me of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tf0MyyVLD4U
>>68983914
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GeF7A05zQ8
>>68984273
Seen that in so many movies.
Can someone red pill me on that spray?
>>68984273
Do they still make this stuff?
I wanna buy and send that stuff to Brendan
>>68984334
>Using the aerosol jew
Enjoy being brainwashed by the kikes
>>68981863
>450,000 calls
>>68984273
>the babes are back
>>68981860
I wasnt ready, fuck.
>>68984273
>the babes are back
And it's literally just hair paint that can only work for tiny bald spots at the back.
Who would win in a fight
Seagal or Van Damme?
Keep in mind Seagal is a pretty big guy
>>68981863
He was "that kid" in school, and just didnt grow out of it and became "that guy"
>>68984334
THE BABES ARE BACK senpai.
Snatcher's hairline is the weirdest thing I've ever seen on a scalp.
>>68984652
Van Damme has always been fairly strong and athletic.
Seagal has never been. In his youth he was rather skinny. He is just big and a bullshit artist. In any actual confrontation anyone who knows what he's doing would destroy him.
And today it's no god damn contest. Seagal is like 300 pounds and gets winded by walking too much.
>>68984652
Seagal falls down and can't get up and breaks through the floor to the earths mantle
>>68984273
There's no way Seagal can get hair that thick with just that.
He must be using a combination of hair plugs, dye, and the spray-on thing.
>>68981863
completely missed the fucking point of the movie
can't see anything past his own ego
can't even see his own fucking dick anymore
>>68984273
holy fuck
Tom Arnold was actually telling the truth about Steven falling into the water and his hair running off his head like mascara.
>>68984737
does this look like a face of some "bullshit artist"?
>>68984776
yeah, it's definitely not any one thing, it just looks too weird to just be a transplant or even a wig
hollywood hair treatment is interesting stuff
>>68984806
What's with the glasses?
Someone should shop this.
>>68984887
Gaming gear.
>>68984887
He cant wear normal glasses because those are for dorks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxloUBCYuFM
Where were you when Bhagavathi Seagal finally guided you to Parinirvana?
>>68984887
operator glasses
just in case a birthday needs to get snatched
>>68984887
O P E R A T O R
P
E
R
A
T
O
R
>>68983346
>a katana with a Swiss rapier-style crossguard
>>68984334
it resulted in some of the greatest commentary in NBA history cause how badly Shaq and Charles were laughing at this guy
>>68984887
Google Glass in Punani Search mode
>>68985046
pretty sure it's a messer
though that isn't how you use a messer at all
>>68982324
>sergei and sven and sergei are big seagal fans
>>68985157
When Seagal uses it, things get quite messer.
>>68984972
>Sensei Seagal will never guide you on the Noble Eightfold Path
Time to end it all I'd say lads
>>68985046
Its a German Katana.
>>68983793
>Ever since i got my vagina
This is what mentally ill trannies actually believe.
>>68985157
>>68985228
The blade is more curved then a normal Messer though. It looks far more Japanese than German in style.
It doesn't help that he holds the damn thing like a retard either.
>>68985370
it's like a saber blade on a messer hilt & grip
the tang goes all the way through as well
http://www.steven-seagal.net/xen/index.php?forums/general.5/ is this satire?
>>68985370
Theyre all shapes m8, maybe he didnt want to dirty his hands with western steel and fitted a jap blade to a prop handle and that wobbling is him trying to hide the obvious sellotape from sight.
>>68985539
jesus christ
>>68984652
One time at a party Seagal was talking enough shit to get Van Damme to actually challenge him to a fight. Van Damme went outside to wait for Seagal, and Seagal pussed out.
That's a pretty clear indicator right there. Seagal is way bigger than Van Damme, but Van Damme is very fit and was a pretty high-level karate tournament fighter in his youth. Seagal has never been in shape and has no kind of fight record, just a history of studying a martial art known for its lack of effectiveness and shitty training methods.
dumb /sp/ memers who create these psuedo generals
faggots
>>68985539
Seagalore is so deep
>>68985679
>source
Also I insist that Van Damme didn't wait long enough. He only was outside for like an hour, and everyone knows Seagal takes 3 at minimum to eat.
>>68982577
Underrated.
>>68984273
>comment from 5 months ago asking about Senpai Seagal
This meme has serious underground roots :^)
>>68982641
This is the best single line of dialogue that Seagal has spoken out of dozens of movies.
>>68985768
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMo7Ip8bjQ4
Van Damme also went to a club to track him down. Seagal still ran away.
>>68985876
Seagal didn't fight because he is a lethal weapon and Van Damme would have gone home to be a family man.
>>68985996
This is the plot of Con Air.
I know someone who was his personal assistant for a couple years. He is legit insane, he actually believes he IS the characters he plays and incorporates every part he plays into his ever-evolving persona.
Mojo Priest : Alligator Ass
I went down to Mississippi and I tried to beg a ride
I saw Jesus and the devil they was walkin side by side
I said whoa Mr. Devil is that really what I see
He said I was thinking folks might try to judge me by my company
Well my boss gave me the wages
So I went down to the market
Before I bought some bread
Somebody took it from my pocket
Now you see why
I have a suspicious mind
My momma done told me
You gonna have to meet all kinds
I thought the preacher stole my Cadillac
So I looked him in the eye
I asked him for the truth and he told me a lie
Well we settled in the middle now I'm too poor to die
But I seem to keep on movin and i'm too proud to cry
But I keep on moving
But I seem to keep on movin
Well I seem to keep on movin and I'm too proud to cry
I met a little pretty and she told me that she loved me
If I wanted things to go well I should try to meet her family
I bought a diamond ring and I showed it to her mother she told me it was too small
And the daughter had another man
Another man
So you see why
I have a suspicious mind
Only way I know I’m ahead
Is when they tell me I'm behind
Someone took me to a restaurant and I had to eat something fast
I ordered me some chicken
They gave me alligator ass
Now you see why
I have a suspicious mind
I keep on lookin
But I can’t seem to find
Someone simply nice and kind
Best meme since planeposting desu
>>68983914
>>68983914
He snatched every motherfucker birthday
Remember when Steven Seagal was a UFC trainer and taught Anderson Silva everything he knew?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1jIlljXq2Y
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VYLCP0JeIU
>I bet you'd like that autograph...
>"Eh, whatever"
WHAT A MAN
H
A
T
A
M
A
N
>Has fake hair on top but hairy smelly ass.
baka senpai.
>>68979899
Looked that scene up on YouTube, the comments are filled with people 4chan /tv/ memeing, only now when the walls between this website and the world beyond have blurred, when the memes have bled from this image board into normality, do I realise how autistic this all is.
>>68987026
I'm sorry to hear that.
>>68987026
It's literally been happening for years already
I don't disagree with you, but if it took you this long then maybe you have autism too
>>68986793
>Punjabi MC playing in the background
Jesus fucking christ.
>>68987026
You need to get some punani, bro.
>>68987026
What gets me is that people still read and leave comments on Youtube.
>>68981451
>His character is literally named Decker in End of the Gun
>>68981996
>>68982098
>>68984425
>>68984679
>>68984785
>all these little guys in this thread
>>>/out/
Does anyone have that webm of him flipping his rifle from right hand to left hand?
it's from the same movie as >>68981190
>>68981451
Yet another subtle nod from Hollywood to the Decker franchise
>>68987209
No he's just new mate.
>>68987725
is Decker a name that people actually have in America or is this actually a nod to On Cinema?Where is the street number?
>>68979965
kek
>>68981451
He played a character named Paulie Trunks?
PAULIE FUCKING TRUNKS?
>>68982369
>tfw they're still digging up the brutalized corpses of young men who have asked these two out on a date
This is actual video footage of Seagall snatching the birthday of some Asian punani. Viewer discretion is advised.
>>68985054
underrated
>>68988585
Jesus christ.
That's fucking disgusting. Poor punani.
>>68987537
I found it
>>68988585
What's with Seagal and being paired alongside actresses that could very well be his fucking daughter? Is this some sort of incestuous message about how he is frustrated because he could never fuck his daughters?
>>68981190
He's so fat lmao
>tfw Seagull meme blowing up but didn't invest
>tfw still don't know why Richie did Bobby Lupo
>>68988837
He seems so out of breath from almost getting hit in the face by the stock of his rifle.
>>68983249
Ha. Where I can I watch more of this stupid shit?
>>68983914
They're not plugs! They're individual hair follicles placed proportionally to the grain of his hair!
>>68984182
What a hideous bitch.
>>68983346
What's up with Seagal and lolis???
>>68982369
>not his asian daughter
>>68988585
holy shit he just snatched it like it was nothing
>>68981190
he's a big guy
>>68979899
This fatfaced narcissistic cunt is proof that you don't need to work hard to be successful, you just need to be over 6'5" and roid your body to shit to intimidate your agent.
>>68989802
For punani.
>>68981860
what the actual fuck
>>68990286
Gods don't give a fuck.
>>68981860
He looks like a goddam ninja turtle.
Who is Day Tooker?
>>68989640
I always found her to be really pretty. So fucking weird that Seagals semen produced that.
Why does he lie about himself so much?
>>68989474
I mean who wouldn't rub their hands all over her breasts?
>>68990586
Well he does have Mongolian blood in him.
>>68990737
Why not? People who like Seagal will believe anything he says and people who don't he doesn't give a shit about.
>>68989814
if seagal is on roids i'd hate to see him natty
>>68982070
His perceived popularity in Russia could be in part due to people laundering money through his movies there. And also because Russians are patrician kinophiles.
>>68982098
Do you need to ask at this point?
>>68990882
i think you misspelt mongoloid.
>>68990586
Well he made >>68982369 (the left one) too, so I guess the /snatched/ genes are recessive
>>68988837
you would think after decades of being in action movies he would know how to hold and aim a rifle properly
>>68983155
Well i'm sorry to hear that
>>68983615
Can you recall celebrating any birthdays in those two years though?
>>68991361
Shit I think that motherfucker might have snatched my birthday
>>68984737
Seagal is way over 300 man, closer to 400 at his height.
>>68982577
>>68982577
Jesus christ.
>>68989474
This is why Katherine Heigl hates men. She's been snatched for more than 20 years, now.
Is there any character in cartoons, anime, comics, manga or video games who could defeat Steven Seagal?
>>68988837
It's like he hasn't even seen a war film or even thought about a how a gun works once in his life let alone been a navy seal, what an astounding maze this man dwells in.
>>68992491
Goku
>>68992491
Maybe an anime Steven Seagal fighting himself.
>>68992598
Hell no, Goku would get his arm broken and then kicked out of a window.
>tfw no birthday
I dont even know how old I am
>>68992557
Didn't you know this man worked for the CIA? He's actually displaying advanced gun operation techniques here. You should be taking notes.
>>68989814
Seagal barely ever had any muscle tone even at his peak let alone was roiding or incapable of intimidating his agent, read any story about him and he is an abject coward to an insane degree, His success is absolutely inexplicable.
Some poonani in life can be bad
It can make you really mad
Other times it is so smelly it makes you swear and curse
When you're fucking that pussy,
Don't throw a hissy fit Steven
And this'll help things turn out for the best
And...always look for the right ponaani in life
Always look for the oversized size in life
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to not act insane and be a liar
When you're feeling an oversized dump
Don't be a silly chump
And...always look for the right poonani in life...
Always look on the oversized side of life...
For being in the FBI is quite absurd
And lying cannot be the final word
You must always face reality with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance to redeem yourself
And...always look for the right poonani in life...
Always look on the oversized side of life...
Your life's a piece of shit
When you realize you've made up all of it
Steven's life is a laugh and his movies are a joke, it's true
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you
And...always look for the right poonani in life...
Always look on the oversized side of life..
(come on Steve, cheer up!)
Always look for the right poonani in life
Always look for the right poonani in life
(Worse things happen in Eastern Europe, you know)
Always look for the right poonani in life
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look for the right poonani in life
>>68984737
He's easily 350lb. now. Keep in mind that's he's 6'4".
Sign the petition
change.org/seagal4batou
>>68992929
damn he's a big guy
>>68992754
>His success is absolutely inexplicable.
Not really. He had very good backing. He was a martial arts teacher who had some Hollywood connections because he'd worked as a fight choreographer. One of his students was a high-ish level producer and got Above the Law made to give him a star vehicle. That's pretty much it. He knew the right people at the right time (height of action movies), and got their backing.
>>68992929
It's really sad to see how insecure he is about his size as well. Notice how his arm moves almost instinctively as soon as the shot starts. He's trying to use his arm to cover himself so he doesn't look so fat from the side.
>>68989474
>Grab a little girl's tits in front of fucking everybody
Imagine snatching that flawless, unspoilt punani, sensei is a lucky man.
>>68981190
>That plate carrier about to burst off his chest
>That spotless uniform after operating in the desert
>Not killing the two guys who I assume just gunned down his fellow soldiers even though he has the element of surprise
>Taking the backpack and not a spare dog tag to report them as KIA
I love these movies.
>>68993440
His ability to snatch is both a blessing and a curse. He's snatched so many birthday cakes now he's making Lex Luthor look like a nice guy nice guy.
>>68992598
Goku wouldn't want to fight him, tho
>>68993396
That hand motion he makes seems to be that someone said "action" and he wasnt ready for it and didnt know what to do with his hands. As he was raising his hands it seems like the thought "I should touch my gun, Im not touching my gun" crossed his mind as soon as he raised his hand.
He is a deep thinker m8s.
Is Steven Seagal a real life Mary Sue?
>>68986793
Goddamn
>>68994087
purest kino
>>68993396
He's been covering himself up quite a bit since he got fat. In Urban Justice, there is a scene where he calls some Mexican(?) guy chubby. The thing is that he's pretty close to Seagal's weight but the jeans and t-shirt are loose so it really emphasizes his weight. Meanwhile, Seagal is wearing this gigantic stiff leather jacket that effectively prevents his potbelly from showing at. It's almost as if he's wearing a bottomless oil drum except it's made of leather and has a zipper.
In webm-related, you can see when he enters the building, that they put stuff in the foreground to help hide his fat self. Then, the next shot switches to a height above his belly.
>>68993396
I love this video with Van Damme:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8IoTAMQmDQ
He seems to genuinely care about Seagal's health. It's like despite all the rivalry and shit talking between them, he's never taken it personally and doesn't like seeing him in such bad shape. He's not even joking, he's seriously suggesting that he lose weight.
>>68994087
he didnt fly so good
>>68994048
I thought that too but the way his hand ended on his neck with his forearm placed to hide half of his belly seemed intentional.
>>68983914
His goatee looks fake too
>>68994279
He even clears the ceiling because he's so used to fighting ninjas. What an operator.
>>/k/thread/29806837
>>68994362
Van Damme's based tbqh
>>68987304
I know a guy actually named Decker.
>>68987109
You're a big meme
>>68994362
>my pants are so tight i don't want to show these guys on tv
What did he mean by this?
Full movie on youtube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYcM1xZP7Bc
>>68995488
Looks like sensei is barely in it.
>>68995571
Basically, he's only in the beginning, end, and a very small scene of him sitting interspersed with other scenes. Once he disappears from the beginning, you can skip to the end.
>>68995571
It's pretty obvious that he shot some scenes with them for one or two days and then left. He stopped giving a fuck a long time ago.
>>68982857
The official reason is that Bobby fucked Richie's wife, but really, Richie was just a psychotic crackhead with a death wish.
>>68995571
That's kind of been Seagal's thing from 2008 onward. I remember seeing some vampire movie with him where you only see his face for like 7% of the movie. The rest of the time is body doubles and the secondary cast.
>>68983346
Borderline experimental
>>68983425
What Jav code is this?
>>68983425
I actually like Into the Sun. Seagal absolutely wrecks a pachinko parlor by throwing guys through machines and stuff. It's arguably the last film he made where he seemed to actually give a fuck.
>>68990464
>>68982339
>it's the same bitch faggot
>crying the same tears
>trying to force his cynicism on everyone
>in every birthday thread
fuck you son
>>68992754
The story of Van Damme challenging to a fight at Stallone's house is fucking hilarious.
>"I asked him if he wanted to take it outside, and he spent the next two hours avoiding eye contact with me."
Stallone has corroborated this story, too.
this meme has run it's course
we had a good run boys
>>68985876
That is a quality Stallone impression
>>68997798
Cyborg Nemesis, Killing Salazaar, and End of a Gun haven't even come out yet.
>>68994087
>that obvious dummy when he hits the windshield
wow
>>68997827
Nor has Asian Connection
>>68998349
The punani futures on this one are looking solid. I'm going all-in.
>>68981860
Holy kek
Check em
>>68979899
ayy
>>68981190
>/k/ goes to war.webm
>>68981863
I wonder what Seagal's favorite anime is?
>>69000458
Himself.With Infinite Punani Challenge a close second.
>>69000458
Fruits Basket. He imagines beating them all up. Especially the chick.
>>68981860
holy fuck
>>69000458
>>68984799
Tom Arnold always tells the truth in his crazy stories. real shit around Hollywood types is stranger than fiction.
>>69000698
more like DoDONG Ray!
>>69001000
dem trips
>>68983346
That was horrifically bad
>>68983590
>mhmm
>>69003465
It could have been so good though, the location, that sound humming.
And then they make a fucking mess of it. Sad.
>>68981190
>no lunch left behind
