Anybody else hate going to the cinemas?
>at the movies
>go to sit down to watch BvS
>forgot everybody in the theater has to do a 5 min presentation about themselves before the movie
>go up the front
>gets to my turn
>mumble a few words about kino and shake my arms up and down awkwardly
>finally done and sit down
>realize somebody stole my popcorn because I didn't lock it under the seat
never going again
>>68916957
I just shoot up the theater when I get to the front
>he didnt prepare his speech before going in
You were asking for it
>it's dick inspection day in theater
i wish i could smoke in theaters
>Decide to go to the cinemas with a date
>Start sweating as I'm walking in with her
>Entire cinema is half full
>Everyone came alone, sitting with a buffer zone to the person next to them
>There are no seats
>Can see people staring and hear their grumbles as I try to place my partner in a seat next to me
That's the last time I ever go to the movies with someone else.
Is it true Americans holler and whoop during movies? And clap at the end?
>tfw someone buys crab legs for the entire theater row
Feels good to live in a rich neighborhood
>>68917337
this.
I'd rather watch films at home so I can smoke, drink and pause for pisses. Only reason I go to the cinema is because the screen is big.
>>68916957
Wait, give a presentation at a movie? Where the fuck do you live, North Korea?
>At the cinema with a girl
>holding hands
>slowly move her hand towards my dick
>she starts stroking it
>I cough awkwardly like they do in the movies
>I move my hand to her dick and start stroking it too
>she gets really hard
>realize I'm actually stroking the dick of the guy the other side of me
>He's stroking my dick
>The girl I came with left
>Wondering if I even had a date to begin with
>go home and cry since i'm not gay
I don't believe this story OP. Everyone I know just recites the same practiced intro at every showing.
Alright somebody tell me how weird this is, I have no idea why I do it. Inow a more empty theatre I'll sit about 4 seats down from someone who's alone. I'll get up and go to the bathroom, then when I come back I always sit in the next seat closest to the person. I'll repeat this a few times until I'm right next to the guy. I have no fucking idea why I do this, I just want to see the reaction I guess. People usually don't do anything and don't pay any attention but one time some fat dude asked me why I was "getting so close". I just said "oh whoops". What the fuck is wrong with me.
>visit local cinema
>running too late for my falcon to have time to properly catch me a snack before the previews end
>decide to splurge and buy an extra large crab bucket to enjoy while I watch the film
>dumbass teenager behind the counter hands me a live lobster, a mallet and a ticket for the cinema chef to cook my lobster
>too beta to tell him that he got my order wrong
>have to stand in line for 15 minutes while chef cooks my lobster
>finally enter viewing area and discover that not only have the previews ended, but some man has "saved" like 5 seats around him
>last seats in the theatre so I have to go sit in the showering area and view the film through the peephole
>jerkass' friends arrive and all sit down loudly during the intro
>their fucking falcons stole my lobster while I was ordering wine from the sommelier
>theatre refused to compensate me
Fucking hell, it didn't used to be like this
>>68917584
This. Just do the standard intro if you're not a show off who wants to waste everyone's time.
>>68916957
>go to the cinema by myself to watch civil war
>tickets are registered to certain seats so you can't change it
>ex gf sits right in front of me
>holy shit it's my chance to unJUST
>she didn't see me btw
>a guy brings some popcorn and sits by her side
>it's her new bf
>she lays her head on his shoulder
>she did literally the same on our first date
>FUCKTHIS.png
>had to leave the cinema and buy another ticket for the next session
Why can't I just die in my sleep already
>>68917826
>Not going into a dialectic monologue about the differences between cinematography and filmography
pleb
>>68918022
You should have engaged him in a pee fight to win her favor.
>>68918022
the civil war happened like 200 years ago idiot
>>68917596
You crave attention because you're a huge faggot
>>68917584
Wait, you have to introduce yourself to watch a fucking movie?
>>68917596
10/10
>>68919846
Where are you from? The moon?
>>68919846
Where the fuck do you live? It's considered bad manners if you don't in the UK
>That one family who sends all their annoying kids up one at a time instead of just doing it all at once
>>68916957
Sorry anon, but I can't see this catching on as pasta. Nice try though.
>>68917463
nigger what
>>68919846
Your a true ingrate.
>>68918022she knew you were there
>>68919846
You're """"""that guy"""""", aren't you? Learn to have some respect for your fellow moviegoers.
>Cinema sniper shoots popcorn out of your hands
>Everyone laughs
>He winks to everyone
>I leave in humiliation and the cinema riot control fire a beanbag at my back
>It knocks me over
>Everyone laughs
FUCK NORMIES
>go to cinema
>want to see Maze Runner 2: the Scorch Trials
>pay extra for my singles ticket
>get to seat
>suddenly a girl gets up and starts talking in front of everyone
>remember everyone has to give a 5 minute presentation
>fuck, i didn't bring any visual aids
>social anxiety acting up
>get up and run out of theatre
>never saw Maze Runner 2: the Scorch Trials
>>68920561
For some reason asking him if he was from the moon just fukcing broke me
>>68917365
>Everyone came alone
you found the /tv/ cinema
>>68920747
Be glad you didn't see Maze Runner 2: the Scorch Trials
>>68917819
lol
>>68920652
I thought it was pretty good, stop being such a redditor.
> Be a youngling and see The Simposons movie with friends
> Sitting next to a much older hot girl
> I laugh extra loud at every joke so she knows I have good taste in comedy
> She and her boyfriend move seats half way through because of me
> Never let myself laugh in a movie again
>>68916957
0/0
>>68916957
>not ordering crab legs
People never steal them, but then again, they'll probably be cold before the move commences.
>>68918083
>the civil war happened like 200 years ago idiot
lmao
>>68917365
>That's the last time I ever go to the movies with someone else.
So it was also the last time you'll get to go to the movies on post-9/11 Earth?
>>68920747
Am I the only guy here that likes the standing area better than seating?
Only downside is that you get kinda tired oif the movie is too long, but it's worth the price
LIKE THIS POST IF YOU WERE SENT HERE BY THE FACEBOOK PAGE
>be me
>buy a ticket for BvS
>watch the movie
>about 70 minutes in, i get tired
>ask the staff to pause the movie so i can have a quick nap in the cinema napping area
>he pauses the movie and i go to have a nap
>about 30 minutes later
>come back to the movie
>turns out some asshole asked the staff to unpause the movie so i missed 10 minutes of the movie
i'm never going to the cinema again
>>68918022
>tfw I was once with my gf at a party, and my ex came in
>my gf knows about her
>ex was all alone, and saw me with my gf, and kinda looked away really quickly, pretending she doens't care
>tfw my gf started getting all handsy on my, and tried to make out with me, on purpose, while glancing at her
fuck that i'm not a monster
>>68916957
>>68920747
>>68917819
>>68917819
What the fuck is this about lobsters, crabs, and showers, and 5 minutes presentations in cinemas? What country are you from? What meme am I missing?
>>68922303
i'm from California. i bet you live in some backwards state like Virginia
>>68920561
Hey fuck you buddy. I'm from the moon and we introduce ourselves.
>>68921516
Dumb facebook poster
>>68922333
I live in Washington State, I don't know what kind of fancy shamcy rich fag town you live in that serves lobsters at cinemas
>>68921495
>likes the standing area better than seating?
I hate the standing area but I end up there every now and then being it's easy to blend in and not get caught for breaking the no singles policy.
Normally I don't care and I'll risk it and sit down but my falcon died last year. So while I save up for a new falcon I've been forced to use chicken as my movie bird. I know it's not really fooling anyone but my local theater is rather lacks about enforcing anything as long as you have some sort of bird with you.
>segway parking is full
>seats haven't been cleaned of previous occupants bird droppings
>buffet is vegetarian
movie was actually okay though
>>68922403
>Washington State
That explains it. In other states, cinemas have a instituted a no singles policy at it gets them a big reduction on their insurance rates. While most moviegoers who previously went alone bring others with them, a not insignificant number of patrons have elected not to go which has reduced revenue slightly. To counteract this, cinemas have offered more expensive fare such as lobster and crab legs.
>>68922418
>that hipster who brings an emperor penguin and it screams loudly all movie
>>68919846
>>68919846
>that fucking autist who shows up entirely unprepared and delays the preshow entertainment ads unnecessarily
>When you don't bring your own blanket and are obliged to use a standard cinema blanket
>>68917397
>pausing a movie
>ever
I'm glad to see that falconing is making a comeback with the young people!
>>68918022
>Make out with girlfriend in front of ex girlfriend
>She starts crying
>Spy on her Tumblr
>She calls me a sexist pig
DODGED
O
D
G
E
D
>>68924542
Why wouldn't you?
>>68922303
>What meme am I missing?
Probably the shittiest one on the whole board.
>>68924548
>spying on your ex
wow, you sound like a loser.
>>68924580
His dad sold the remote to buy meth
>>68924613
hits too close to home ;_;
>go the the movies (that's what we call the cinema here)
>there's a big line for the ticket desk
>say fuck it, walk past the ticket checker and flash my parking card
>he just waves me past
>find the movie room I want and sit down
>suddenly some asian and his asianette wander up to me and say "essuse me..."
>they show me their tickets, it's booked seating
>"you must be mistaken" flash my parking card
>"Ahhh so sorry!"
>his asianette starts yelling at him and he yells back
>they leave the movie
>>68924603
She's spying on my Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Reddit and occassionally asks my mom what the relationship with my girlfriend is like.
I spy on her Tumblr for my own safety, she has said multiple times she wants to come to my house and hurt me because "I'm a sexist who supports Donald Trump and should be taught a lesson"
>13-15 year old girls sitting behind throw popcorn at me and rest their sweat toes on my head
>Go to the movie with my date
>Mandatory Aryan ethnicity check
>After everything is checked I come out almost entirely Aryan
>Girlfriend is checked and looks a little nervous
>As the Obersturmführer measures her nose he suddenly stops
"Mein gott, this woman is ein untermensch!"
>Date gets her head shaven and she's hanged in public
>Still a kissless virgin
>tfw hacking the cinema projector in the middle of the movie so that it brings up meatspin
>>68924719
>not taking off those socks and licking her soles to teach her a lesson
>>68924700
9/10, subtle
>>68924641
*hugs*
>>68924826
*hugs back*
>Go to the local Kinootheque
>Looked up some easy presentations to get past the screening process
>Teenager with golden crab legs used the presentation I found
>Go into showers and find another one
>My falcon stole my complimentary kino towel and uses that same presentation
ree.
I went to see Civil War yesterday, got stuck sitting next to a couple who spent half the fucking movie loudly making out. Everyone else was quiet and watched the film except those pricks. Why would you fucking do that, just watch the film or go fuck at home you twats.
>>68924700
>Tumblr, Twitter
It is fucking 2016 and you're supposed to be 18 and above to post here
>>68924880
I made out during Predator 2
>>68924915
I am above 18, I'm just a normie.
>>68924915
Young adults generally have at least one of those, grandpa.
>>68916957
>It's time for me to give my introductory presentation
>I usually just wing it, almost never use my whole time
>This time I have something prepared: a kickass presentation about how I found $100 worth of vintage Jell-O under my bed
>Slip and fall on my way up to the front
>Splat into some normie's nachos
>...
>Theater bursts out laughing
>"Looks like it's nacho day, buddy!"
>Walk out crying and call mom
I hate those presentations
>>68925050
haha I'll call you Nacho Ned from now on
>go to theater
>it's mango matinee day
>forgot to bring my melon baller
>my turn in line
>"Uh c-can I use the complimentary scoop p-please?"
>whole line laughs
>"Sir, I'll need some collateral"
>empty my shoulder bag full of geckos onto the table
>half my lizards are already dead
>I start crying and farting uncontrollably
>falcons swooping in from all sides eating my lizards
>my ex shows up and doesn't notice me
>makes out with a falcon
>at the movies
>clerk asks where my date is
>lie and say she's in the bathroom
>tomatoes are being sold to black families at the candy bar
>have to sit in the white zone at the front
>forgot my poncho
>get thrown tomatoes all over my cape
>previews start
>Louie ck gives a PSA on the benefits of cuckolding
>black males are now assigned to white couples
>at this point it becomes obvious to the staff that I have no date
>get assigned a used girl with a black male
>get a receipt on when to pick up my wife's son in 9 months
>>68916972
How do you deal with all the falcons/thrown crab legs?
>not bringing a comfy as fuck blanket and watching the movie from the picnic area
Come on now.
>>68925481
The picnic area is always full of teenagers either making out or smoking weed
I get enough normieshit at home thank you
These threads are like shitposts written by Kafka
>Standing in line waiting for tickets
>I'm in stuck in the normal line because I didn't call in reservations or pay for fast pass
>Pre-ate some leftover crab legs so I don't have to pay the theater's insane rates
>Butter was a little old
>Stomach turning
>Really have to shit
>Ten minutes later
>Prairie dogging a torrent of liquid shit
>Finally get to the front of the line and ask for my ticket
>Just want to pay and run inside
>Clerk keeps asking me about extras with my ticket like anvil insurance or joining the singles only club card
>cantholdit.jpg
>Shit starts spraying out of me as the clerk continues to talk
>I try to make small talk really loudly to cover up the smell
>Just keep shouting at the clerk, "PRETTY COOL THAT YOU WORK AT A MOVIE THEATER!"
>Finally, she just stops talking and gives me my ticket
>Gags as she hands it to me
>Shit is still waterfalling out of me and soaking into my socks
>Run into the theater lobby as people look at me and scowl
>Still screaming, trying to cover up the smell: "HEY WHATS THAT SMELL OH GAWD GROSS RIGHT?"
>Finally get to the showers to wash off
>Throw out clothes
>Buy a new set of clothes at the concession stand
>Find my way to my assigned seat
>It's in the autism row
>Packed full of retards
>One is in my seat so I ask him to move
>He runs off
>I look down
>He shat in the seat
>Fire alarm goes off in the middle of the movie
>No spoilers policy is currently under effect so we're not allowed to use the normal exit
>Have to use the spoiler-free slippy slide to exit the cinema
>I'm wearing my loose jeans so I can eat as much as I want
>Jeans come down halfway down the slippy slide and I get third-degree ass burns
>Miss the rest of the movie
>>68925481
IMAX theaters don't have picnic areas, they replaced it with a trundle section
>>68926255
What the hell is a trundle?
>>68927491
Look at this guy
>>68916957
>forgot everybody in the theater has to do a 5 min presentation about themselves before the movie
Fucking why? Someone please explain this to me. I really need to know....
Our cinema makes everyone shower together first. I always get an erection.
>>68924826
>>68924856
>be eurofag
>visit american cinema
>fined $20 plus tip for not wearing football jersey
>walk in, see sign
>"tip thy neighbor strictly enforced"
>tip everyone I see $5
>$500 later I am seated in the cinema
>can't hear a fucking thing during the movie
>thunderous applause
>everyone chanting USA USA USA
>everyone constantly tipping each other during the movie
How do Americans even watch movies?
>Decide to head out to the cinema
>When I get there, I spin the movie selection wheel
>It's some stupid zombie chick flick romcom
>Sigh
>Get pepper sprayed and shocked by the enforcers
>Put on the dogsled with a warning
>Sled to the room, lose the race, my theater card points go down to almost nothing
>Barely manage to survive the gladiatorial reckoning match
>Finally enter after 5 showers, retinal scan, fingerprint scan, questionaire, yahtzee and mahjong
>Led to my seat in the back half behind a pillar in a rotten dirty old seat
>Clampers clamp down
>Force fed sweet sour and salty popcorn by the robot arms nonstop
>Suffer through mandatory energy drink mountain dew enema
>Alpha chad shirtless dudebro sits next to me and annoys me throughout the movie
>Forgot my 3d goggles
>Put on regular glasses, security buys it, thank god
>Can barely see movie without 3d goggles but have to sit through it
>After being coralled out, my mandatory fecal and urine expulsion is below required weight ratio
>Spend a day in jail
>Movie was surprisingly good
>>68919846
Don't worry m8. These cucks that are replying to you waited since the thread started to meme at the stupidly new.
>Go to cinema in China
>Order fried doglegs and rice
>Armed guards appear
>Shut down the cinema for showing Imperialist propaganda films
>forced to work for Foxconn putting together iPads
>>68917375
With Americans of the basketball-playing persuasion, yes.
>>68924770
This almost happened to me once
>go on a holiday trip to the United States
>decide to check out a local cinema and watch some American movies
>after I buy my ticket there's a line for the penis inspection and a line for the ethnicity test
>make it through the penis inspection with flying colors because my foreskin is still intact
>all the Americans had to borrow a prosthetic foreskin from the cinema for the duration of the movie
>go to the ethnicity test next
>I have dark hair and brown eyes so they were about to hang me
>luckily I was carrying my birth certificate with me so I showed them
>they let me through but warned me that some cinemas might not be so nice
>bought some crab legs and enjoyed the movie
>it was Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
>>68917375
Rarely. I remember the first time it happened when I was younger and me and my family thinking they were fucking retarded.
>>68922403
So your theater doesn't have butter sauce holders on each side of your seat?
How do you guys actually go out in public? I haven't left my room for 20 years.
>>68917375
Everybody claps at the end like a fucking idiot, but only black people and teenagers say shit during the movie.
>watch avengers
>falcon caught some crabs for me (yum)
>forget presentation but someone done it for me
>say thanks and share crabs
>didn't mind the movie, gave it 8/10
>>68930241
Did your falcon also react violently when Falcon appeared in the Marvel movies? Mine was incredibly distressed.
>Ticket checker doesn't allow me into movie because I forgot my hockey stick and didn't thank the cashier.
such is life in Canada.
>>68930289
Not him, but mine began circling angrily overhead, eventually it started to attack the other falcons. I'm glad I purchased falcon insurance or I would never have been able to afford the fines. I had already spent the entirety of my pocket money on bribing the penis inspector.
>>68930289
>be me
>watching Marvel© Presents: Captain America© 2: The Winter Soldier©
>Falcon scenes come on
>My falcon gets confused each time someone says falcon in movie
>eventually my falcon thinks he's Don Cheadel the Falcon
>my Dom Cheadle gets upset when Captain America is being punched by winter soldier
>"SLUT!" he squawks as he dive bombs the screen
>rips the screen and all the stored crab legs behind the screen spill into the first few rows
>tip everyone as I leave so they don't stay mad and vote me off the theater attendee committee
>A:7/10 V:9/10 would watch again
>>68928299
wait the burgers don't use the showers before the movie?
