ITT: Times you acted like the Driver
one time i drove
Every single day of my pathetic life.
>"thanks, anon"
....
>"I said, thanks"
....
>"you okay"
....
>"the fuck is wrong with you"
....
>"fucking say something"
....
>"fuck off, fagot. I hope you fucking kill yourself"
....
>going to the market
>get in car
>engine won't start
>sit there too anxious to call mechanic
REAL HUMAN BEAN
> Watch Drive for the first time
> Inspired as fuck to no longer be an autistic manchild
> Start hitting the gym
> Learn how to drive manual
> Go out and buy a scorpion jacket
> Can't find anything that looks remotely close
> Find a somewhat glossy cream-coloured jacket from local flea market
> Pick it up and wear it
> I am The Driver now
> There was a real scorpion hanging onto the back
> Stings me out of instinct
> MOTHERFUCK.WEBM
> End up in hospital for a week
> Turns out I'm allergic to scorpion venom
"How are you feeling today, Anon?"
> ...
"Would you like me to open the window for you?"
> ...
"It's lunch time! We're having beans!"
after watching the movie i decided to stop smoking and bite on toothpicks instead. Lasted about a month.
>>68082945
You were the frog all along. It was his nature.
This movie's soundtrack really attracted me to it. I just listen to synthwave while I drive around, but I did that before the movie. Now I can't was this shit anymore because every time I see is face I burst out laughing. thanks /tv/
>>68081182
>walk around the house with a hammer at night time
Thats it
I have a crush on a single mom next door.
I give her gifts to help her feel happy about herself.
I've been asked out by her this weekend.
What do?
>>68083248
Marry her and take of her kid.
>>68083270
care**
>come to a red light
>take off my $20k Patek Philipe and put it on the steering wheel
>anxiously watch the second hand tick away
>when the light turns green I take off
I drive.
>>68083248
Drive her through the scenic route and provide for her, her husband and their son.
I am the driver. I live a life of no feels. I am a happy cuck. I'm helpful even when it's not required. I'm a nice person for no reason.
The only thing is, I don't have my driving license.
>>68082987
>''Hey remember that time anon started biting on toothpicks for a month? lmao so fucking stupid!''
>>68083680
the only person I spent time with back then was a petite taiwanese who worshipped my cock and everything around it, so, no.
>>68083248
>What do?
...
...
...
...
You drive
BACK AGAINST THE WALL AND ODDS
Ive got the whole quiet confident thing to work on a few girls but im always way too awkward to seal the deal
>>68081182
>In high school
>Notice that a group of the most popular hot girls are looking at me and gesturing for me to come talk to them
>Stop and freeze for like 30 seconds staring at them
>Wordlessly turn and walk away
>>68081182
That one time I was driving backward and I was able to shift into higher reverse gears several times while staring someone down in front of me, just like driver
>>68083864
Holy shit. Who else here pretended to be a character and eventually became them?
>>68083930
>not turning 360 degrees
Step it up senpai
>>68083977
I tried being Driver once, but everyone just thought I was a serial killer instead.
>>68083997
Try again but be a little more friendly, just a tad.
>>68083930
>be sat at bar alone, friday night
>see a girl there also on her own getting a drink
>make direct eye contact with her with a completely expressionless face
>she starts asking me shit and i remain silent
>when the bartender comes with her drink i calmly state, "it's okay, i got it," have been staring at her the entire time
>keep doing the coy autistic bullshit and open up slowly as we get drunk together
>she drives me back to her place and she holds out until we wake up the next morning to fuck
i was going for alain delon in le samourai but it's the same character desu.
i know this reads like some cringe shitthatneverhappened.txt but i'm really tall and have decent looks so that helped i'm sure
>>68083977
I'm Batman.
>>68084120
I did some shit like this too and fucked a few hot milfs but I try and act like Don Draper.
>>68084155
Kek
You could try and copy his analytical skills to seem more cool.
Only one time in my life i looked at someone in the eye after they said something to me and i didnt say anything back. It was pretty satisfying
>finally get my first car while in high school
> Mini cooper
>School is over, head over to my car
>Put the toothpick in my mouth
>Reach to an intersection
>Look over to my right
>I see my crush sitting on brick ledge
> I gaze in her eyes and have serious eye contact
>She's looking at me weird, but I continue because I know she likes it
>Car behind starts knocking
>I immediately hit the gas and get hit from the car coming from the left.
> The driver is post but I keep calm
>I write down my info
>I get out of my car
>I walk toward to the car I hit
>The driver is still in the car trying to calm himself down
>I open his door and throw the paper that has my info
>Before I shut the door I say "Next time, watch where you going"
> I shut the door
>Walk back to my car
>Before I get in, I look over at my crush, staring at her and nod at her
>I get in the car and drive away>>68084182
>>68084155
>>68084120
>>68083997
>>68083993
>>68083977
>>68083976
>>68083930
>>68083864
>>68083859
>>68083827
>>68083248
>>68082945
>>68084388
fuck
There's a hundred-thousand memes on this website. You don't need to know the boards. You give me a time and a thread, I give you a five minute window. Anything shitposted in that five minutes and I'm yours. No matter what. Any baiting that happens a minute on either side of that and you're on your own. Do you understand?
>>68083997
Its 1am and I can't sleep but fyi im literally ryan gosling
This thread is pretty comfy.
>>68084533
>want a toothpick?
What did you mean by this?
>>68084533
Goose, why aren't you in Refn's new film?
>>68084534
Did u enjoy my previous post?
>>68082945
>> Learn how to drive manual
>americans dont already know how to drive manually
hahaahhahahaha jesus christ what an embarassment of a country
>>68081182
One time I made a mess in an elevator.
But that was because I had bad KFC and shit my pants.
>>68084573
Which one was it?
>>68084552
Allegory for taking care ofmy wannabe wife's son
>>68084533
*BRAAAAAP*
>>68084604
The one where I'm in high school
>>68084622
Ohh yeah it was great. What color was the coop?
>>68084636
Purple
>>68084651
Did you and the girl ever fuck? This movie came out in 2011 what year did you graduate?
/r/ a screencap of anon where he fucks his sister's hot friend as the driver
>>68083248
She hot?
>>68081191
kek'd
Nah dawg. I mean the story is BS. But I actually confronted my crush on Valentines day.
> i gave her note telling her that I like her
>She gave me a hug
>Total confiance boost
>Nothing really happened after that
>A year goes bye
>Finally confronted her again,got her #
>Start talking for lil bit
> I fucked up by sending three texts in a row with "hey" "yo" "Hello/"
>yea this was first time doing anything with a female
>She comes out saying she has BF
>I say i understand
>She says " I still wanna be friends
>I fuck up even more with my lack of knowledge by replying back.......
>"Yea, I like hanging out with the girls in the previous grade level as my mine"
>Never talked after that
>A year and a half goes by
>She confronts me in my house and we both apologize
>I wake up feeling good and went to brush my teeth
>then i realized that it was a dream
> Felt depressed going to class
>The whole summer I was thinking about her
>Towards the end of summer, I found her twitter
>She's going to a college upstate
>I contiplate on whether to text her or not for the next few days
>As I finished dinner at a restaurant, I text her
>"Hey, *******. It's me, OP. I was wondering if you got a few minutes?"
>She responds back immediately
>I lose it
>We catch up, she apologizes that things went south
>We meet up for coffee before she leaves
>We have a good chat until I find out.....
>She's a complete fucking country girl
>She drives a big ass truck and listens to only country music
> We finish up convo
> As we head out, I told her I walked here since starbucks is only 4 min walk from my house
>She insists that I get in the car with her
>I do
>She drops me off
>I tell her good luck at her college
> She says "you too, and it was really great seeing you."
>I walked it way, my heart with repaired
Ever since that day from last year in august I only texted her two times after that. Very lil convo. It's been about 3 months since I texted her. I don't know what to say to her.
>>68084678
>>68084983
Here's the story^
>>68084983
Ugh. Kid move the fuck on find someone worth YOUR time. The problem is you care too much. Remember be like the Driver and not give a fuck. If you go out with a girl she should feel like you're doing her a favor not the other way around.
Live and learn and you are ok.
>>68085106
But she was cuban with a great ass that would make Castro to find a way to get her back to cuba
>>68084983
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa1IN1GN4Q4
>Be David Caruso in Jade.
this is advice is actually 100% spot on, i feel like people like you watch this kind of shit and go "haha lol steve carrell movie memes" but it's true as fuck.
>>68085184
I did senpai. When I meet her for coffee i was always asking questions
>>68085176
It's your life. You don't know where it's going but you know it ends badly
>>68082945
How the fuck can you be allergic to poison, it's like saying you're allergic to bullets
>>68085248
Everyone is allergic to bullets dummy
>>68085234
How so?
My car broke down once in the middle of a 6 lane intersection
>>68084983
>I wake up feeling good and went to brush my teeth
>then i realized that it was a dream
That has happened to me more times than I would like to admit.
>>68083248
Marry if she has a daughter, pump and dump if it's a son
For reasons
>>68085268
How the hell do you know if 83% of humanity hasn't had a bullet in them
>>68085314
It sucked on that day. I always ripped the mirror from medics cabinet like that scene from the nightcrawler
>>68085300
Your futile attempts at trying to woo this woman will be your undoing. You might get hurt pretty bad. But if you do I hope you learn from it. Every man has to go through it at-least once.
>>68085368
I just wanna keep the ball rolling. We both agreed that we should try on being friends
>>68085395
That's cool and everything I just don't want you to be hung up on her. They're literally other girls you can fuck around with.
>>68085227
>honing in on the only part of the advice that is super specific
fuck i always try to help homies out and it's so fucked how ingrained the beta behavior is. did you have a weird relationship with your mother or just a bad home life in general? that's usually where this shit comes from.
>>68085395
Y'all ain't going anywhere with her with that yee yee as hair cut
>>68085432
Blacks know how to use computers?
>>68085426
I know. I keep things open. She's a great person and when I talk to her, it's like if I'm talking to one of my best friends. It something that makes me comfortable
Haha I came here from r/4chan
>>68085474
>>68085395
These are eerily reminding me of a relationship I have with a girl.
>>68085429
I had a big nose since middle school. I had a lot of cartilage on my tip. I was armenian. Always had my head down in life, never felt attractive in my life. That's why Inever payed the game. But when I saw her, I just had to. Although I got a nose job 6 moths before I meet her again
>>68085474
Well good luck kid. I'm going for a Drive™
>>68085504
Care to expand on that. This thread went from /tv/ to /adv/ real quick
>>68085513
>I was armenian.
1. you magically became not Armenian?
2. that has nothing to do with anything, my best friend from HS is full-blood Armenian and has annihilated more pussy than any one i know
>>68085531
>This thread went from /tv/ to /adv/ real quick
Drive threads have a habit of becoming /autists anonymous/ pretty quick, which I am ok with.
Anyway, there are a handful of girls in my life who I may have been somewhat attracted to at some point, but but realized would be better as an actual friend, and someone who I actually value having around in my life.
>>68085561
No I was armenian to begin with. I'll describe myself the best way I can when I was back in high school.
Tall, about 6ft 1. Skinny as hell. Like 130 pounds. Comb over. Very thick and wide eyebrows and a big nose. No pussy for me
>>68083248
Make the wife's son meme real
>>68085586
It's just difficult for me to keep moving up the steps with her by texting when she's away upstate for college. :(
>>68085646
>implying there isn't tons of that shit going on already
truth in humor, meme magic, etc.
>>68084983
Be yourself.
>>68085899
I try.
>>68085899
i know this is an ironic memetic shit post, but the real advice is "be the version of yourself you want to be," and eventually you become that person.
>fake it til you make it
basically
>>68083048
underrated post
