ITT we post about times we acted like the Driver
>be me
>a little socially awkward, not ugly, but have trouble keeping conversations interesting
>watch "Drive" and decide i'm going to change my life
>I will become the driver
>buy solid color henley t shirts, a jean jacket, and skinny jeans
>start college next month
>meet roommate at move in day
>"hey anon, i'm stephen, its nice to meet you"
>want to respond but remember i have a new image now
>look directly at him
>letting the silence hang in the air, counting to 10 in my head
>"hey"
>he seemed a little off put but at least im not the one feeling uncomfortable for once
>one week later
>roommate asks if i want to go to a rush party with him, and these two girls he met the night before
>"ok"
>"great, but it's off campus, do you know anyone who could drive us?"
>get really excited... but remember to count to ten first
>.....
>"I drive"
>"ok, thanks bro, it'll be worth it when you see these girls. they are smoking hot. and i've been talking you up to one of them."
>i begin to get nervous, because i've never had much success with girls.
>I think about how driver would handle the situation
>say as little as possible
>be mysterious
>>67160280
>on our way to pick up the girls
>I decide tonights the night i bust out my driving gloves, and my roommate notices
>"cool gloves anon"
>i nod and slip in a toothpick
>pull up to the girls house
>roommate gets out to get them
>"you've got a five minute window, anything happens inside that five minutes, im yours. anything happens outside of that and your on your own. understand?"
>this is probably the single longest thing i've said to him at this point, he seems surprised
>"uh.. sure.. it wont take long"
>i take off my watch and put it on the steering wheel
>>67160337
keep going..
>>67160337
>the girls get to the car and he wasn't lying, they were super hot. they were also super drunk already
>"wow stephen, you werent lying about him, he's a cute one"
>i begin to get a little nervous. my hands are sweaty as fuck from my gloves, and im wearing my quilted racing jacket (no scorpion unfortunately) over my jean jacket
>remember the driver doesn't have to respond to social cues
>meet them with silence
>stephen begins to look nervous for me
>".....what's the job?"
>"uhh... the party is a few miles away... thanks again for driving"
>turn on my cb police scanner and pull out of the driveway
>>67160470
>the girls are now really getting into it
>they think im pretty cool, the strong silent thing is working
>girl in the backseat is touching my chest from behind
>"youre really quiet *giggle* i can't wait to loosen you up a little tonight..." she winks
>im panicking now, social anxiety is setting in
>decide to show off a little, take some turns at high speeds
>"holy shit anon SLOW DOWN" stephen yells
>but the girls are liking it, laughing as they are thrown around the back seat.
>decide i'm going to cuck my roommate as the driver,
>but i need more time to show off my driving skills, and the trip is almost over
>"you wanna see somethin?"
>the girls are confused but too drunk to really respond affirmatively
>take the scenic route
>>67160603
Im ready
>>67160603
>about 20 minutes later and it's pretty clear i've gotten us lost
>roommate is silently fuming
>"anon, where the fuck are we. we should've been there fifteen minutes ago"
>silent
>the girls are quiet now too
>the only sound is Tick of the Clock by Chromatics playing on repeat, over my police scanner, as it has for the entire trip
>...."you don't need to know the route"
>roommate is pissed and begins looking up directions on his phone
>one of the girls has to pee, she asks to pull over
>i say the five minutes line again, i didn't know what else to say
>my roommate by now has decided i am an autist
>girls step out of the car, roommate does too
>I stay in the car, but i hear them all laughing.
>I think they are probably laughing at me
>grip my steering wheel and floor it, tires screeching
>hear my roommate yell "WHAT THE FUCK ANON"
>go back to the dorm and begin filling out roommate transfer request
>>67160765
>>67160765
That was a wild ride, it made me physically uncomfortable.
I wish we could go back to 2011 when there were Drive threads 24/7
>>67160765
i sincerely hope this is just a joke anon
>go to a stupid shindig one of my sisters invited me to because she thinks i should get out more
>all my other sisters are there too
>they all start reminding me about how they used to call me "gayboy"
>my anger reaches threshold
>i punch the windows hard af shattering them
>"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ANON?"
i am the driver
>>67160765
This basically happened to me too
Drive ruined my life
>>67160983
now wait just a second
>>67160990
>drive ruined my life
this thread is for people like us, anon, to share our stories
you are not alone
>parents bugging me to get a job
>whatever
>local pizza chain needs a delivery driver
>walk into store, wearing jeans, scorpion jacket, sunglasses, and driving gloves
>it’s pretty empty, its like 430 and only the manager is there
>”can I help you?”
>stare at him for a good minute
>he actually gets a little agitated
>I motion to the sign in the window “I drive”
>”oh, ok. You want an interview? Theres not much to it. If you can drive, and have a license, you’re pretty much hired”
>”…whats the job?”
>he looks at me a little confused
>”you deliver pizzas to the customer, and answer phones”
>fuck, I hadn’t counted on the phones
>I have severe social anxiety, I can’t really talk to people
>turn around to leave
>as I walk out the door, I turn around
>”what’s a fucking jew like you doing owning a pizzeria?”
I'm like the driver but no particular acts.
Anybody else feel strangely connected to him?
>>67161164
These stories are killing me
repost dank ones so redditors know what this meme is all about so they can contribute
>>67161164
>”what’s a fucking jew like you doing owning a pizzeria?”
Beautiful
...
>be me
>24 year old kissless virgin
>match with a girl on tinder
>she wants to meet up for coffee
>fuck yeah.jpg
>only problem is I’m a beta NEET with no skills or interests
>decide becoming the driver is my best play
>I overslept the next day and had to rush to the date
>to make things worse I don’t own a car so I have to take the bus to the coffee shop
>walk into coffee store and see her sitting in a booth by the window
>im a good 20 minutes late at this point
>she is noticeably agitated that im late
>”glad you decided to show up, anon”
>silence
>sit down across from her and pull a toothpick from my jacket pocket
>”yeah”
>order some pie
>>67161363
>”so what do you do for a living?”
>start to panic, Im unemployed and live at home still
>count to ten before answering, like the driver would
>”I drive”
>”what do you mean, you drive? Like for uber?”
>”for the movies”
>”wow anon that’s pretty cool!”
>”it’s only part time”
> I think she bought it
>begin to make up stories, like I drove in fast and furious 2
>she is actually a huge fan of the series
>asks if I knew paul walker
>”yeah”
>”WOW ANON THAT IS SO COOL”
>at this point I know I am getting laid
>she wants to come back to my place to watch a movie
>I hesitate, knowing I can’t bring her back to my parents without shattering my image
>but I didn’t think fast enough and just said yeah so we start getting up to leave
I knew drive fans were autistic but Jesus fuck
>>67161418
>walk to parking lot
>pretend to look for my car, for a good five minutes
>”anon, what car do you drive?”
>”s-silver chevy impala”
>mutter something about it being the most popular model in California
>we live in North Carolina so she is a little perplexed
>uhh… anon, I don’t see your car anywhere
>I’m starting to sweat profusely, im hot as fuck in this jacket and gloves
>“I don’t have w-wheels, f-for my car. That’s one thing you should know about me…”
>”……what?”
>I panic and run away
>get home, check my phone, I have a new message on tinder
>”anon, what happened? I thought we were having a good time?
> write back “you won’t be able to reach me on this phone anymore”
>delete tinder
>never go to that coffee shop anymore
>>67161164
LOL
>>67161418
>>”I drive”
>>”what do you mean, you drive? Like for uber?”
>>”for the movies”
>>”wow anon that’s pretty cool!”
>>”it’s only part time”
>> I think she bought it
>>begin to make up stories, like I drove in fast and furious 2
>>she is actually a huge fan of the series
>>asks if I knew paul walker
>>”yeah”
>>”WOW ANON THAT IS SO COOL”
this part is gold
Is this movie genuinely good? Or is it just good for faux-autistic driveposting meme? (which i enjoy tbqh)
![t9xBJva[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/67sNIQI.jpg "t9xBJva[1].jpg")
found this beauty on reddit lads
>>67160212
>tfw not talented enough to post about times I acted like the driver
>>67161526
wew lawd
I keep imagining the Goose in all of these scenarios
>“I don’t have w-wheels, f-for my car. That’s one thing you should know about me…”
Top kek
This was really funny tbqhh lads
>>67161554
Literally cinema of the decade
>>67161631
I like cinema that contains a lot of frames that are paintings. Will this kino please me?
>>67160765
nice copy pasta from yesterday
>>67161647
it's the most aesthetically pleasing film of all time, anon
>>67161706
picked up
>>67161665
two days ago faggot and it's still my OC
share away, its all yours my friend
>>67161647
Its the Thief of the 21st century.
>>67161581
FUCK YOU. NOT THIS ONE. THIS IS OUR MOVIE. DON'T WATCH IT
the opening five minutes of drive, before the title screen, are absolutely God-tier
genuinely upset that i will never experience it for the first time ever again
>>67161744
Except is 10x times better than Thief
>>67161801
wew lad
MORE DRIVE STORIES LESS FAGGOT TALK
>>67161800
word. Seeing that scene for the first time is seriously next level shit.
The soundtrack kicks in and I jizzed
>>67161790
I was just searching for the Drive pasta and it came up on /r/4chan
>>67160212
Drive-era was our finest hour.
better days anon, better days
>>67160212
>just found out my father died
>girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks earlier
>on the train home
>sitting on my seat head leaned back
>headphones in
>girl comes in one stop, qt 8/10 blonde chick, skinny but looks troubled as well
>this song comes on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LONRNnZ0cUk
>i just stare at her. she looks so beautiful but deep down i know it'd be stupid to talk to her
>just keep staring. she looks back
>we don't break eye contact
>she looks like she wants to say something, but is too afraid to
>she sheds a single tear
>i just stare just like the driver does
>the song ends the second her stop comes, and she gets off
it felt like love bros
>>67160983
Adam Sandler's worst movie.
>>67161979
damn.
>>67161353
...
>>67161979
Wait, I thought that song was titled He Had a Good Time. It's called that on spotify at least.I know this because I always actually put on the Drive soundtrack during roadtrips, or even just running errands at night
>>67161526
Quality story anon
>>67160765
Glad I'm not the only whose done this
DUDE AUTISM LMAO
>>67162093
>/tv/ newfags
>>67160765
never change anon
>>67161979
I know that this is probably made up but that actually made me tear up a bit.
>>67162038
I drive
>>67161581
this is not funny at all
I involuntarily "act" like the driver, without the "cool" aspect to it.
Every scenario I am in, my mind is racing, it is like an Apollo rocket strapped down, unable to go anywhere, just raw power, and all that energy is being sunk into going through every single possible outcome of whatever social situation I happen to find myself in.
I am at the till and the cashier asks me if I want to pay cash or with debit. Now in my head I am thinking; if I pay cash I will have to hand money to her, her hand might brush against mine, are my hands sweaty? Will she notice I am nervous? Wat if I drop coins? Do I even have enough cash on me? Maybe I should pay with debit? But last time I paid with debit it said my card was faulty. I don't want to anger the queue with delays of faulty debit cards. Maybe cash then? I might need cash later on though. Ok, definitely debit. The card is rather old though, it LOOKS old, they might say something about it looking old, what should I say back in response? "you look old!" What if they aren't old though?....
Now from the cashier's perspective I am just standing there, staring at her for a good 5 seconds. This may not sound long, but it really is when someone is just creepily staring at you. Of course at this point she gives me a:
>"sir?",
to which I then respond:
>"whatever you want dear",
which is naturally a response as useful to her as a fish with tits.
>"Sir, I really can't decide that for you."
well shit
>"Debit, but I left my card in the car, I'll be right back"
naturally I was never "right back".
I usually buy my food online and have it delivered, payment done online as well. This experience was horrific.
>>67162365
>>67162365
I hope this is pasta for your sake man
9/10
>>67161453
....
>be me
>go to big city college for the first time
>come from a small town so its a big change for me
>sort of a loser so decide to change my life and be like the Driver
>first day at new college and people are mingling and making friends
>don't know anyone so think what the Driver would do so I just lean against a pole with a toothpick in my mouth
>girl comes up to me, maybe a 7-8/10 introduces herself and asks for my name
>start counting to ten in my head because thats how the Driver acted
>she is starting to feel uncomfortable
>she looks away and starts to walk when I say 'its anon'
>>67162365
not driver like at all
>>67160212
>cute girl walks up to me
>hey, how are you doing?
>smile and nod awkwardly
>do you wanna hang out tonight?
>stare
>stare
>stare
>stare
>stare
>stare
>stare
>ye
>she's already walked away
>>67162365
>>67162531
literally chad
>>67162455
No, it is my life. I am German though, so I guess the translation of her response might be off, and I sort of paraphrased the "inner dialogue" with myself. A 4chan comment box isn't long enough to write down everything that goes through my mind, nor is most of it funny in any way whatsoever, most of it would be like static to normies I guess.
Other than that though, it is a pretty accurate description of how I respond to day to day "normal" social settings.
I don't really function in normal life, needless to say I suppose. The "best" thing, from your perspective as a reader of all this, is that I actually do "drive" as a job. Not like Ryan in this movie, but I hike cars around for companies such as Europcar. The cars need to be driven around between the various locations of the company, so they can then be picked up by the customer who ordered it. So for instance, a car might be in location X, but needs to be in location Y. It is my job to drive the car from X to Y. Great job, pays well and basically no social interactions. I just put on classical radio and enjoy the ride.
>be me
>autistic as fuck but not ugly
>see drive for the first time
>decide I'm going to change my life, I'm going to become 'The Driver'
>next morning
>my dad leaves for work in the morning, takes the bus
>it's a nice day so my mum decides to go out for the day, she leaves the car at home
>house to myself for a couple hours
>call qt neighbour and ask if she's busy
>'oh hi anon, not really, why?'
>'just wondering', hang up
>few minutes later she's knocking at the door
>'is everything alright anon, what was that phone call about'
>wait a few seconds and then grin
>'..anon?'
>...'come in'
>she's in my living room now, trying to keep it together but admittedly pretty nervous
>'so what do you want to do anon?'
>'I drive'
>'No way! Can we go for a spin?'
>remember my mum left the car
>I don't have a license but it's too late, I've said yes
>we walk out to the car and get in
>'lets go let's go!'
>realise I have absolutely no idea how to drive, panic
>every instinct in my body is telling me to finger my asshole in this moment but theres a girl sitting beside me
>'anon whats the problem? you're sweating'
>mum springs up out of nowhere, she's back early
>'anon what the fuck are you doing in my car?'
>it'sallover.jpg
>the finger is in
>qt is screaming and running away
>'SON WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?'
>'I drive'
This actually happened
>>67162482
>she smiles slightly and then asks what I'm studying
>try my very best not to break character because this girl is actually giving me attention
>look away and try to think of something to say thats mysterious
>I'm studying engineering but I tell her I'm just here waiting for friend
>'oh'
>she seems surprised and looks around asking for which one is my friend and what I do for a living
>after 5 seconds I choke out '... I drive' because I couldn't commit to 10 seconds
>she asks again which one is my friend
>>67162672
Well then drive on Germanbro.
>walk into job interview for accounting firm
>hi, anon, why should we hire you
>...
>blankly stare through him
>I mean, what kind of skills do you have
>...
>...I...Drive...
>I don't understand, this is an accounting job
>...
>put toothpick in my mouth
>ten minutes pass
>security shows up
>A REAL HERO AND A REAL HUMAN BEAN starts playing in my head
>try to fight security guard, maybe it'll get me a job
>shocks me with a stun gun
>cry and piss myself
>>67162672
i am detecting severe autism levels from this post
i think you are actually the driver
>>67162676
KEKED by a master of keks
>>67162672
How do I get a job like this.
>>67162672
>I actually do "drive" as a job. Not like Ryan in this movie, but I hike cars around for companies such as Europcar. The cars need to be driven around between the various locations of the company, so they can then be picked up by the customer who ordered it. So for instance, a car might be in location X, but needs to be in location Y. It is my job to drive the car from X to Y.
I don't understand, can you explain this again?
>>67162672
Fellow german pls elaborate on job
>>67162672
>Driver Moved to Germany after driving away from the million dollars
>Driver is real
>Driver Posts on /tv/
>>67162672
Is the company looking for more drivers?
>>67162750
I am going to hug a tree with my car one day, just Paul Walker myself.
Because worst of it all is that I want social interaction, I just can't handle it. I want to talk to people, I want to make friends etc. but the moment I am in a situation like that my brain just goes haywire. I am "processing" so many different possible scenarios, that I can't pick any of them, I can't choose "the right response", there is simple too much.
>>67162829
I applied online, face to face interviews would be the end of me.
>>67162853
You are joking right? For the off chance you are not:
Europcar and other such companies hire out cars to people.
Customer picks up car in location X, drives it around for a week, then returns it. He doesn't return it location X though, but at location Y, because that is what he asked for as it was most convenient with his traveling. Now if these companies never redistributed the cars themselves over their various locations, then the location of any given car would be dictated by where the various customers decide to drop it of. That simply won't do. People like me are hired to redistribute the cars as the company sees fit.
A more concrete example. Say the company has a location in Berlin and various locations outside of Berlin. Say most customers hire the cars from the Berlin location, but the majority of these customers drop the car of at the other locations outside of Berlin. Over time no cars would be left at the Berlin location to hire out. I am hired to make sure this doesn't happen. In this case I would be driving the cars from the outlying locations to the Berlin location.
I have a feeling now you just asked it to trick me into giving a long winded explanation.
>>67160212
I haven't watch this movie. Should I watch or not?
>>67163069
That sounds like a really cool job, dang dude
>>67162365
>The card is rather old though, it LOOKS old, they might say something about it looking old, what should I say back in response? "you look old!" What if they aren't old though?....
kek
bloody hell anon
>>67160212
Drive was our finest hour.
I miss 2011 /tv/ anons
>>67162365
Consider seeing a shrink and getting a Xanax prescription, this sounds like social anxiety.
>>67162672
You are now aware that Driveposting is older than Bane and that its meme magic is just as powerful.
>>67163069
>Customer picks up car in location X, drives it around for a week, then returns it. He doesn't return it location X though, but at location Y, because that is what he asked for as it was most convenient with his traveling. Now if these companies never redistributed the cars themselves over their various locations, then the location of any given car would be dictated by where the various customers decide to drop it of. That simply won't do. People like me are hired to redistribute the cars as the company sees fit.
>A more concrete example. Say the company has a location in Berlin and various locations outside of Berlin. Say most customers hire the cars from the Berlin location, but the majority of these customers drop the car of at the other locations outside of Berlin. Over time no cars would be left at the Berlin location to hire out. I am hired to make sure this doesn't happen. In this case I would be driving the cars from the outlying locations to the Berlin location.
I'm really not getting it. Can you simplify that?
I used to drive around in a 1990 Honda Prelude with pop-up headlights unironically blasting Nightcall and the rest of the Drive soundtrack in 2012. That's it, though.
>>67163069
>I am going to hug a tree with my car one day, just Paul Walker myself.
Nah, don't overreact bro, it's not that bad. You sound like a smart fella. You just need to address some social anxiety issues and you're good to go.
>>67163133
I am pretty sure it is social anxiety myself. The steps of seeing a shrink would be too much btw.
>phone doctor
>get receptionist/secretary
>make appointment
>go see doctor
>explain shit to doctor
>he directs me to a psychologist
>phone psychologist's office
>get another receptionist/secretary
>make appointment
>go see psychologist
>explain shit to psychologist
>he prescribes me meds
>need to pick up meds at chemist
>go to chemist
>finally get meds
and that isn't even accounting for all the randoms I will encounter in waiting rooms and the like, no, that simply won't do. I am more content constructing a life of relative isolation for myself then having to go through that ordeal.
>>67163317
than*
What if driver can be a girl too?
>be me
>pretty awkward, but not austistic awkward
>bored one night and decide to watch drive
>mesmerized by the cinematography, the soundtrack and overall vibe
>decide to be driver from that point on
>sophomore year of uni and I want to embrace this new girl brooding image
>during first week of class, I introduce myself to my new classmates at my table in short and give strong eye contact
>semi Chad-type guy digs my mysteriousness
>he goes out of his way to make conversation with me
>still I provide short answers and massive intense eye contact
>he appears a bit frustrated with me that he can't have me and I'm too hard to get
>tfw he still can never have me
>tfw that he wants me but can never have me turns me on
>tfw I'm a changed person
>tfw I'm driver
>>67163317
Don't you have really good and cheap mental healtchare in Deutschland? Imagine going through all that here in the US
>Ok, here's your psychiatrist
>Oh, sorry, she's not in your insurance network
>That will be $1,233.54, sir!
>>67163404
He didn't say anything about cost. You'd still have to go through all that bureaucratic crap in the USA too which makes it difficult for people with social anxiety, or really, just anyone who's impatient. You gotta get bounced place to place.
>>67163140
I put it in image form for you this time.
>>67163360
Girls are not supposed to post here
>>67163496
Then leave.
>>67163360
nice bait faggot.
>>67163404
While the cost would make it harder or even impossible, my main problem as >>67163439 points out, is the bouncing back forth talking to people and being exposed to settings where I have to deal with people in situations that are completely out of my control, by definition really. A doctor is always going to be the person in control during a doctor-patient talk, same with the shrink. I would be fine with paying (up to the amount that I could afford obviously, can't pay more than I own)
>>67163360
no girl would say Chad, it's not like guys make up stories about attracting Stacies
>>67163069
You're adorable, anon.
>>67163360
>no driving
>no toothpick
>no scorpio jacket
>female
did you even fucking watch the movie? reddit is that way.
>mom calls me to pick her up at the store
>put on my scorpion jacket and racing gloves
>get in the car and play the drive soundtrack
>stick toothpick in mouth and drive to the store
>wrap my watch around the steering wheel, start the timer and wait
>mom walks out and tells me we're giving a ride to a qt girl from my school
>see her walking towards the car and panic
>quickly pull my scorpion jacket and racing gloves off and stuff them under the seat
>spit out toothpick and turn off music
>she sits down and smiles as she says "hi"
>...
>she asks "why do you have your watch on the steering wheel?"
>face turns red as I start giggling to myself
>mom slaps me across the back of my head and says "drive"
>real human bean
>>67162672
That is fantastic, never heard of anything like that, I'd love a job like that.
>>67162672
yes but then youre at a place without a car
how do you get back to wherever
>>67163360
>H-hi guys, I'm a girl who's pretty awkward, I'll try to meme, love me pls ;----;
leave this board pls, you cunt
>>67161164
>”what’s a fucking jew like you doing owning a pizzeria?”
>>67163752
By car. The driving around of cars is usually because a customer ordered a specific car. So they might have ordered a Merc, but there isn't a Merc at the location they ordered it from. I then deliver the Merc from another location, and take a different car back. This can be another "job", like an Audi ordered by another customer at a different location, or I just take a generic shitty car the company has a million and 1 of so they don't really care where they are stationed like a VW golf or some shit. The redistrubution really is only important for the higher class cars that are ordered by customers in advance, not so much for the "shitty" cars that people higher on the day itself.
>>67163752
>subway
>bus
>taxi
>train
>plane
I'd assume the company pays
>>67163918
higher=hire*
>>67163793
I j-just want to be like the cool kids on this board
>>67163918
oh well disregard that >>67163927
I suck cocks
>>67163927
why couldnt they just ferry the car via plane then if they're already paying for a human tikkie?
>>67163486
i think hes just trying to say that theres something about you that's hard to explain.
>get off work late
>walk into room but leave lights off
>get home, throw my bag on my bed
>stare at it
>head back out to my car
>flip on kavinsky and cruise the hills
>see party going on
>feel pretty pumped from tunes
>park on street, pop a toothpick in and stroll inside
>loud hippity hoppity music blaring
>people everywhere
>strobe lights
>I walk across the dancefloor, pulling my gloves off as I go
>getting weird looks
>I don't care
>walk into kitchen and see petite qt 7/10
>she is alone
>walk up to her
>say nothing
>"can I help you?"
>"...."
>"um...are you like, Nathan's older brother?"
>"who's Nathan" I ask, casually, taking the toothpick out of my mouth and slipping it in my ear
>"this is his party?"
>she looks confused
>I reach over to brush a stray hair behind her ear
>she recoils
>"what the fuck?! Don't touch me!"
>lean back and cross my arms
>wormy little guy walks in, doesn't even have a jacket on
>"who the fuck are you?"
>I stare him down
>"How did you get here?"
>other people trickle in
>"....."
>a pregnant pause
>"I drove"
>"dude how old are you?"
>"...."
>slip toothpick back into my mouth
>"can you buy us some more beer?
>"I'll give you five minutes. Whatever happens on either side of the five minutes - you're on your own. But for those five minutes, I'm yours."
>they gather up about $20, say they want the cheapest shit I can find
>I slip my driving gloves back on
>the wave and yell for me to hurry back as I start the car
>I take off my watch
>buckle it to the wheel and set it for five minutes
>grab a frozen pizza and head home
>real human bean plays as I leave little Caesar
true story
>>67163133
Xanax is the best thing on Gods green Earth
>>67164091
cept for the part where you can die from withdrawal
>>67164062
>real human bean plays
>>67160212
>be me
>22 year old virgin thanks to slight autism
>after watching Drive, I was inspired by how cool the Driver was even though he never talked
>decide I will become The Driver
>study everything about The Driver
>buy his clothes, his exact gloves, his watch (not a patek obviously), shoes even
>study his mannerisms, how long he holds his stare, when he smiles, etc…
>transfer to new school for my last year
>time to implement my new identity
>>67164136
Yeah, that's why don't abuse it as fun as that is.
Just use it the way you're doctor tells you. Or use ativan it's not as scary as xanax
>>67164062
kek
and now you know the legend of the deadcruiser
Should add that the job really isn't that cool btw. Not all cars come with navigation systems, so you need to memorize the route and alternative routes in case of jams and roadworks (or glue the map to the steering wheel and crash your car while you are trying to read it).
You are stuck in traffic a lot.
You don't get to speak to anyone, now while this is a plus for me, I imagine for most people this would be unbearable. I get pretty lonely at times, but it is preferable to suffering my own "autism".
If your car breaks down, you either fix it or phone someone to tow you. Officially they "want" you to phone someone for insurance reasons, if something goes wrong with the car after you fix it your company is liable, whereas otherwise the company that fixed it is. In practice though, for non-major problems, they want you to fix it yourself and just shut the fuck up about it.
Hours are funky, all over the fucking place, no real schedule.
>only close friend died last year
>accepted job offer across the country with no friends or family nearby
>have been alone in apartment with not much to do after work
>finally getting warm out, tonight i drove around aimlessly for an hour thinking about my future with the drive soundtrack on and downtown lights in the distance
>>67164180
>go to orientation
>wearing the outfit I call “Gosling’s Groceries” (denim pants, jacket, and Henley)
>I am the only senior there, they’re all freshmen
>but two QT freshmen girls are giggling and looking at me
>holy shit it’s working
>sneak closer to them during tour
>one of them turns around, sees me, buries her face in her hands and squeals
>her friend laughs and says “heeeyyyy boy, sorry about my friend here, she’s a little shy”
>HOLY SHIT
>they ask my name and major
>deliver a perfectly executed Driver stare while I pull a toothpick from my ear
>count to ten
>”anon”
>”Well anon we’re going to a party tonight, we’d LOVE it if you would come too *giggle*”
>my social anxiety is acting up, im not sure what to say, but I remember that silence is OK for me now
>count to ten
>”yeah. ok.”
>I offer to pick them up since I have a car on campus and they don’t
>>67164249
Sorry to hear that anon
>>67164261
>later that night
>now wearing an outfit I call “Nightcall” (same as GG but with sunglasses, gloves, and white racing jacket)
>pull up outside girls dorm, call their phone
>they sound really drunk already
>”HEEYYYY ANOONNNN, WE’LL BE RIGHT DOWN!!!”
>the one that had a crush on me stumbles a little walking to my car
>at this point I know I’m getting laid
>decide I can’t fuck this up if I just stick to the script
>they get in the car
>the drunk one that likes me is sitting in the backseat, her friend is in the front
>”there are a hundred thousand streets in this city, I need to know the route”
>”Ok! It’s only a few miles away! Heres the address!”
>put my watch on the steering wheel
>start playing the Drive OST and pull out of the dorm
>>67164224
That all really makes it sound like a great job for me
>>67160765
>>67160603
>>67160470
>>67160337
>>67160280
can any oldfags confirm that this is an older pasta? never seen it before until a few days ago
>>67164322
>it’s not far to the party
>As we get closer, I begin to panic
>I have to impress these girls before we get to the party, im not so great in social settings
>my best chance to impress is in The Drivers’ natural element, the road
>”You girls wanna see somethin’?”
>”uhh… sure anon!”
>get onto the highway
>punch the accelerator, and the girls audibly gasp as they are slammed into their seats
>I’m weaving in between lanes, moving around cars, doing some really impressive driving
>at one point I get up to 100mph
>”slow down, anon, haha youre making me nervous!!!”
>I exit off the nearest ramp, knowing I have complete control over my vehicle
>”wow… that was great anon, really cool… please be safe though haha”
>i respond with silence, cause im not really sure what to say
>but I know that fear is a powerful aphrodisiac and I still feel good about my chances
>the girl in the back is a lot quieter now and put on her seatbelt
>>67161453
hey reddit
>>67162467
................
>>67164435
it's not pasta
it was new a few days ago
>>67164356
Well it isn't that hard to get into, because...
weird hours
no social interaction
knowing cars
being a confident driver in tight spaces (you will be doing a lot of fucking tight parking in overcrowded parking deck with expensive cars. I remember having to park a mercSLS and having to nearly scrape my way past half a dozen other cars to get to where it needed to be, Eminem's palms are sweaty was playing in my mind)
navigational skills
...are things that don't really appeal to normies.
>>67161979
bueno
>>67164470
>after getting off the ramp I realize I don’t really know what part of town this is
>try to get back on the highway but miss the turn
>two turns later and I realize we are in a really bad part of town
>homeless people everywhere
>It’s a lot darker now and I can’t see shit through these sunglasses
>”uhhh anon… I think the party is back towards campus”
>….
>”yeah”
>at this point a homeless man knocked on the glass of my window and scared the shit out of me and the girls
>I freaked out and slammed on the gas
>this was a mistake, I had to make a turn very quickly
>the girls are screaming
>the last thing I remember is “AND A REAL HERO” playing at max volume
>wake up in an ambulance
>apparently I flipped the car
>the girls were ok but being treated for some not too serious injuries
>the worst part is the ambulance guy had to cut open my racing jacket and ruined it
>transferring schools again next semester
>still a virgin
>>67164057
oh u
>>67164496
....how about this? you shut your mouth, or ill kick your teeth down your throat and shut it for you.
>>67164567
>again
kek
>>67164435
use the archive next time spoonfed babby
>>67163360
show your gazongas or fuck off bitch
>>67164501
I'm 80% sure I've seen it before, or something with the same setup
>>67163671
heh bretty good
>>67164713
they're all pretty similar desu
>>67164671
*10 second pause*
>"yeah"
>>67161526
>”anon, what happened? I thought we were having a good time?
she didn't reply angrily, she actually seemed interested in you.
It was all based on a lie, but you actually ditched this girl in a pretty fuckey way and she still texted you like she was interested in you.
Hold on to that thought, a girl actually cared about you for short while.
>>67161586
these anons aren't talented, even though they seem keenly adept at being autistic.
You just need to either get out there more, or keep getting out there. Put yourself in social surroundings and you stand a good chance of falling into one of these fucked misadventures.
Or you might, somehow, pull it off in a good way and make some friends and/or get a gf.
>>67164895
it's a fucking Drivepost m8, most of these didn't happen
>>67164713
I've seen one similar to this where anon becomes the Driver, and is admired everywhere as being mysterious, and he gets a gf, and it is going so well. Then he is watching movies with his gf and Drive comes up, and anon says "Nahh, let's watch [insert chick flick] instead"
>>67160212
Some people say I'm like the driver. But I hate this movie.
>>67165071
This one
>>67161581
>tfw you'll never be as cool as the driver
FUck it's been 5 years since we had a drive thread this good
>>67165217
That suit literally only fits Ryan Gosling.
>>67164322
>>”there are a hundred thousand streets in this city, I need to know the route”
holy fucking shit I havent laughed like this in a while
>>67165350
>implying
>>67165434
it was literally made for his body
>>67164261
>"Gosling's Groceries"
>>67164567
nice OC fampai
>>67165461
do you go around on Halloween and say "yyouu canntgf weerrree daaatt youurr too youunghh andd u dun lookfd liikee himmgf" <---this is you
>>67165461
>what is custom tailoring
>>67165570
Shut up faggot.
No one will ever pull off the look of Ryan Gosling in that jacket is all he's saying.
No one but him.
>>67165028
>most
I just had a thought, felt like posting it.
on the topic something happening, how do you know this post, or even this thread, is happening or will have even happened?
How do you know any of this is real?
I would say a lot of Driveposts have some believability to them. They're real stories mixed in with Drive memes. But I know that some autists tried to emulate the Driver because I did myself, so that lends plausibility to most of these stories for me.
>>67165617
k-knoww uunn ellsee cann werre datft jaackkeettf.
oonnllyy mubvviee guyy.<---(you)
which is also >>67165350(you)
>samefag
>>67165680
>tried to emulate the Driver
Oh boy, I actually know people like this.
>>67165682
>k-knoww uunn ellsee cann werre datft jaackkeettf.
oonnllyy mubvviee guyy
Why do you choose to type such autistic things?
>>67165606
>>67165570
Leave Goose alone
>>67165649
>babby's first philosophy class
>>67165725
i dont know you're the one who wrote it. you tell me anon.
>>67165350
It fit Kojima
>>67165680
these stories are all very believable
it just takes the right autist in the right place
>>67164488
>being this upset someone shit on your favorite movie
He's right, you know. Just look at the fucking spergs in this thread.
>>67165983
>meanwhile 4chan got to co-produce a pornmovie
Ya, I know what community I pride myself of being part of.
>>67165752
No, you wrote.
I quoted it.
I'm asking why you would write that in the first place.
>>67165773
>implying he still doesn't look autistic
Maybe it's not that it looks bad on everyone besides Gosling, maybe it's that everyone who wears it looks bad for just copying Gosling.
>>67165746
>babby
>being condescending
Wow, you must be really cool and smart.
Fucking laughing over here.
>>67166271
>Wow, you must be really cool and smart.
yep
>>67165983
Go watch your capeshit, stupid goy
>>67161164
Mfw i have a massive poster of that on my wall
>be me
>15 year old, shy with a hint of autism
>see Drive, decide turn my life around
>I am The Driver
>realize I don't have a driver's license
>apply for driver's license, realize I've never driven before
>get learner's license
>anxious as fuck to get behind the wheel
>I already ordered the scorpion jacket, driving gloves, henley t-shirt, and skinny jeans on amazon using my mom's credit card
>my mom's husband was on a business trip for one week and left his chevy chevelle at our house
>my mom worked the afternoon shift at target
>perfect
>stand outside on the driveway, leaning on the car with a toothpick between my teeth
>hope that my 8/10 qt blonde next-door neighbor that goes to my school will eventually notice me
>after leaning on the car for about 30 mins she comes finally comes up to me
>"hey anon, cool car!"
>her excitement is almost enough to make me run back inside but I remind myself I am The Driver
>gaze into her eyes deeply for about 10 seconds and then say, "I know"
>>67167547
>she smiles at me and asks me if I had any plans for the day
>holy shit this is working
>do the Driver gaze for 10 seconds again and then reply, "I drive"
>she giggles and says "then maybe you should drive me around then"
>I look at her for about 10 seconds and then turn around and get inside the car, acting as if she didn't exist
>I stare blankly into the driveway in front of me
>she's still outside the car
>without drifting my gaze from the driveway I say, "get in"
>she gets in the car and I put on my driver gloves
>I start the engine and remember that I know jackshit about driving
>start panicking internally but remember to keep my cool
>"ok, I just need put the gear in drive, and step on the gas" I thought to myself
>I put the car in gear and step on it, skidding off the driveway at a high speed
>"woah anon, you really got the need for speed"
>I try to act as if I'm not suffering an internal panic attack, and just reply, "yeah"
>I just keep driving and eventually reach a smooth equilibrium
>this is easier than I thought
>I decide to pop in the Drive OST
>the disc case gets a bit jammed
>"anon you just ran past 2 stop signs!"
>I'm still fiddling with the disc case and calmly say "yeah"
>"ANON WATCH OUT!"
>gaze up and see a parked car get closer to us quickly
>airbags pop out
>realize I just fucking rear ended a car waiting at a red stop light
>"ANON, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
>shit, what would Driver would do at a time like this
>Driver gaze into her panicked face for about 5 seconds before I couldn't take it anymore
>I get out the car and start running back home as fast as I could
>"anon where are you going!"
>I get home 10 minutes later
>I pack as much of shit that can fit into my backpack and run away for about 2 hours before realize that my autistic self can't survive alone
>after this I asked my mom for me to be homeschooled so I don't risk running into my neighbor at school
>I never leave the house now
>mfw haven't driven since
>>67160212
ITT: Manchildren
>>67167980
Kek
>>67160765
A real bean
>>67168090
Pointing it out doesn't suddenly exclude you, friend.
>>67162800
Fucking kek, my sides are gone
>>67166271
never take the bait from babbyposters. ever
>>67160212
I'm more like the taxi driver desu
>>67162672
this really sounds like a job i would enjoy to do
>>67162365
KEK
Your tears are endless amusement to fellow fa/tv/irgins. Please post more stories.
>>67162672
I love you, Gosling.
>2012
>see drive for the first time
>ofcourse i want to be the driver
>history lesson
>sit in the back of my classroom
>talk about cold war
>I don't pay attention
>I'm just staring in front of me
>teachers asks me something
>i'll respond like the driver: quiet but cool
>some kid asks me why i'm behaving so strange
>all attention aimed to me and that kid
>i look him in the eyes
>"how about this. you shut your mouth or i'll kick your teeth down your throat and shut it for you."
>a few gasps, confused faces and chuckles can be heard in the classroom
>get kicked out
>that wasn't even the school i went to
This is the best. Thank you anons.
>>67160212
Nah i act more like Taxi Driver
>>67160212
I ran a red light once.
>>67160765
such is life of every one of us
yeah...
>tfw you can be drive man for only $100
Should I do it?
>>67170464
No it will be horrible if you aren't fit or if the jacket isn't custom tailored for you
>>67170464
YES do it anon
>>67170464
If you have broad shoulders and are good looking you can try. However, I don't think the jacket is custom tailored for ya.
>>67170464
You need an autism level of 3000 to pull it off.
Post pics of your face and let anons judge
>>67170559
this tea bee queue ache familia
>>67165217
Only this guy seems to know whats up.
Looks fucking great on him
>>67161800
I had only seen it on DVD and then one time the Prince Charles Cinema in London showed it (I had a membership so it was only a quid!) and it was a whole new experience. Great film.
>be me
>turn 16
>get a cherry red 2012 Mustang GT with racing stripes because I'm a good boy
>fuck my half asian girlfriend in the backseat for a few months until I go to UNC-Chapel Hill on scholarship
and that is my driving story
>>67170647
You're suppose to post real occurrences. Not fiction desu senpai.
>tfw been dieting and lifting for about a month in order to try and look good in the driver jacket
... i drive
>>67170587
no.
he's asian
>>67170982
i dont see how that changes anything but ok
>>67161979
>>67171018
maybe he has the right shoulders and nailed the "cool" pose, but hair dyed blonde, smug face and a fucking earring totally ruin everything
why are all asians obsessed with blonde hair
>>67160765
>>67160280
Can you out drive the janitors like Josh?
I'm pretty normie, good social skills, average looking.
Still I'm thinking to try this Drive skit for shit and giggles. Will I meme my life into akwardness?
>>67161164
I genuinely hope this is real. If not, I will make it real. Friends work at a pizzeria. I'm not afraid to fuck up any employment opportunity.
>>67163360
Why do women have to ruin everything?
I once wore my watch on the under-side of my wrist.
>>67173147
I do it all the time.
But thats because my work and hand position while working
>>67170647
sounds based enough for me to want to consider suicide
>>67163069
I love you.
>>67173353
You jerk off truck drivers?
>>67173977
yes your mum
>>67174184
My mum don't even drive retard
>>67161581
mfw i'm the one who posted it and got like 10k reddit points for that
>>67174292
hehe epic
>>67171167
Cuz they're cucks trying to please there master race
>>67175011
Says the nigger
Do I pull the trigger?
>>67175459
no you take the whole fuckin gun
caspere knew that
>>67162365
you should kill yourself
best thread ive seen in a long time
thanks the laughs and oc anons
>>67164022
Maybe because car transport via plane is expensive as fuck?
>>67162800
>>put toothpick in my mouth
>>ten minutes pass
>>67172006
>I'm pretty normie
>thinking to try this Drive skit for shit and giggles
looks like it's making a comeback...
>>67160280
>>67160337
>>67160470
>>67160603
>>67160765
>my sides
>>67161164
>>67162365
>The card is rather old though, it LOOKS old, they might say something about it looking old, what should I say back in response? "you look old!" What if they aren't old though?....
Gold
>>67161164
holy shit
>>67163360
God, I hate women...
>me and my friend both loved Drive
>one time, he asks me to drive him someplace, together with his sister and her friend
>preparing, I put on a cool jacket, style my hair similar to Gosling's and quickly download the OST of Drive
>I drive up to his place
>they're already waiting
>I greet them with a slight nod, help the girls with their bags, not saying a word
>friend is smiling, doesn't laugh though, so as not to break my act
>friend driving shotgun, girls sit behind us
>his sister's friend immediately starts talking to me
>I always take five seconds before answering her questions as shortly as possible
>she's stumped
>we just drive silently, while the OST is playing
>next day, my friend says the girl was asking about me a lot
>gives me her number
>I never call her, and neither does she call me
>>67167980
>>67180086
THERES SOMETHING ABOUT YOU
IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN
>>67162676
lel
>at cinema in line to buy some tickets
>see sign that says 'no singles allowed' next to register
>too late to step out of line
>t-two tickets p-please
>cashier asks me for who the second ticket is since it looks like I am alone
>f-for my old lady hehe..
>tells me he will wait next to the cinema hall when the movie starts to make sure I will not be alone there
>dash home as fast as I can and beg my little sister to come with we to see the movie
>she declines
>cry and beg until she agrees
>cashier stands next to cinema hall like he said
>claims my sister looks a little too young for the movie and demands to see her ID
>Now wants to see my ID too for some reason
>Asks why we have the same lastname and claims she must be one of my relatives in a really loud voice
>other people turn around and start giggling
>N-no she is my...my wife!
>He demands that I prove it
>Make out with her until people stop giggling
>cashier gives me an angry look while steping aside
>I will let you get away with it this time buster
The movie was Drive and I only wanted to see it because of the /tv/ hype
>>67162676
>'just wondering' hang up
keked
>>67180487
>>Asks why we have the same lastname and claims she must be one of my relatives in a really loud voice
>>other people turn around and start giggling
>>N-no she is my...my wife!
>>He demands that I prove it
>>Make out with her until people stop giggling
>>cashier gives me an angry look while steping aside
>>I will let you get away with it this time buster
This is too good to be legit.
>>67175459
Not the authentic design. Look up the actually movie jacket. Looks different.
>>67180619
/tv newfags...
when will spring break be over
