Have you ever acted like the driver?
>watch Drive with friend
>calls me up one day to pick him up and drive him somewhere
>preparing, I put on a cool jacket, put on some gloves (cool) and quickly download the OST of Drive
>I drive up to his place
>he is waiting, along with two girls, one of whom I remember from back in high school but never spoke to
>I greet them with a slight nod, but don't say a word as they come in
>friend is smiling, doesn't laugh though, so as not to break my act
>the girl from high school sits in the passenger's seat; I always had a crush on her
>she starts talking to me
>I always take five seconds before answering her questions as shortly as possible
>we just drive silently, while the OST is playing
>next day, my friend says the girl was asking about me a lot
>"Really? What did she say?"
>my friend doesn't respond because he doesn't exist
>I have no friends
>there were no girls
>I stare at the ceiling of my bedroom
no i act like kylo ren
>pick up girl for date
>she answers door
>"Hi! Wanna come in for a minute while i finish getting ready?"
>I stare at her for a good 30 seconds
>She starts looking worried and keeps looking back into her apartment.
>I pull out a toothpick and try to roll it around in my mouth.
>Stab my tongue, mouth starts bleeding.
>Try to say "Yeah", spit blood on my shoes instead.
>I walk inside the apartment.
>She's walking out of the room looking back at me with a weird face.
>"I'll be ready in a minute...."
>I look back and say, "gotta go potty"
>"...ok"
>In bathroom, finish pissing.
>30 minutes later i exit bathroom. She's waiting outside the door ready to go
>She gasps and points down "You forgot to zip up."
>I look down. My flacid penis is hanging out of the open zipper of my pants.
>I look back at her and stare for another minute, penis slowly becoming erect.
>"Yeah"
>She takes a step back and starts looking visibly panicked.
>"I think you should go, this isn't working"
>"Ok."
>I ask her to hold the front door open.
>I sit down and slowly try to somersault out the door
>Sunglasses fall off while i'm somersaulting.
>She closes the door and i get a few good rolls in.
>Knock on her door again to ask for my sunglasses.
>She doesn't answer.
>Biological mother at my private domicile
>First time I've seen her in like 4 years
>We eat dinner and she suggests we watch a film
>I put on Drive
>She makes me explain everything an rewind every 2 minutes
>IwishIwason/tv/.jpg
>Movie finishes
>"That was alright I guess, a bit violent though."
>...
>...
>...
>I nod
>"Could you drive me home now dear?, you know your father doesn't like to drive this late."
>...
>...
>...
>Take toothpick out from behind ear nd begin chewing
>"I drive."
>...
>...
>10 minutes late I don my scorpion jacket and begin to drive her home
>Put "A Real Hero" on loop
>Half an hour later
>"D..do you think we could listen to something el---
>"How about this, you shut your mouth, or I'll kick your teeth down your throat and shut FOR YOU!"
>...
>...
>...
>Turn volume up all the way and continue driving
>10 minutes later we reach my parent's nursing home
>"C..can you walk me up t..to the r..room dear?"
>...
>...
>...
>"I'll give you a 5 minute window, anything happens in that five minutes and I'm yours, no matter what. I don't sit in while you're running it down. I don't carry a gun. I drive."
>...
>...
>She just stares at me sadly
>We walk into the home
>Take the elevator up
>Get to my parents room
>She moves to hug me
>I resist
>...
>...
>"My hands are a little dirty."
>"So am I." She starts crying.
>...
>...
>I leave
>Take the elevator down
>Nurse and some other visitor in the elevator
>I think I see a knife in his jacket pocket
>Push nurse up against the wall and kiss her
>"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
>She pushes me away
>Knock other visitor to the ground
>Attempt to stomp his head in
>It's not as easy as Gosling made it look
>He pushes me over pulls his knife
>Stabs me twice
>I wrestle with him, grab the knife.
>I stab him to death
>I try to drive off, losing to much blood.
>Put on the Drive OST
>Crash into a tree
>Police find me 10 minutes later, arrest me.
>REALHUMANBEANREALHUMANBEANREALHUMANBEAN
>>65076357
Top Kek
>>65076277
Everyday of my life.
Favourite one
>be at bar
>normally there's a deal on wednesdays where if you buy two pints you get the third one free
>buy a pint of club soda, followed by a second
>go up to the counter to ask for my free third pint
>6/10 girl working
>she says that it doesn't count for club soda, only for alcohol
>she's about to say something else, but before she says it i slap her to the ground and straddle her
>"you made me spend twelve dollars, and now you're making me spend more. and now you're lying to me. from now on every word out of your mouth is the truth or i will hurt you."
>she starts crying and the tears threaten to ruin the driving glove covering her mouth
>suddenly grabbed from behind
>it's the bouncer
>he's flipping me about the room, bouncing me off the walls
>as he throws me again and again i calmy say "shut your mouth before i kick your teeth down your throat and shut it for you"
>he rips my scorpion jacket in his repeated throwing
>the toothpick in my mouth accidentally goes through my tongue
>he hits my head against the pool table and the cops come in and take me away
>i have a couple of cracked ribs
>locked up in a cell
>turns out it was monday
>>65076459
Only correct answer
>>65076277
It is my dream to become like the driver. 100% like him.
I watch this movie at least once a day. I have his jacket and gloves and I even have a little wooden stick to chew on. I have had my hair cut and dyed so it is the same colour as his.
I dont have a car yet so right now I am known as the walker instead of the driver however I am currently saving up for a car. I have also been taking boxing lessons in case anyone pisses me off.
There was a story on /fit/ once about a guy who actually went through with it and got laid. Tried to find it but never could. Anyone?
>Standing in elevator with a mother and young son.
>The kid's staring at me.
>I stare back.
>He reaches into his jacket pocket.
>I panic, thinking he's packing heat.
> Knock him down and start stamping on his head.
>His mother starts screaming.
>I shove her against the wall and try to tongue kiss her.
>She bites half of my tongue off.
>The elevator doors open.
>Try to run out.
>Slip on the kid's blood.
>Fall to the floor, drop my toothpicks everywhere.
>REAL HUMAN BEING.
>1.30am
>can't sleep
>huge storm, raining incredibly hard.
>I drive
>its relaxing to me
>See beautiful girl running through the storm
>Pull up slowly next to her
>she looks scared
>I yell above the rain
>Need a ride?
>she chuckles
>"sure"
>She gets in
>Where are you headed?
>tears soak my pillow
>I don't have a car
>I don't know how to drive
>I stare into the darkness
I'm gonna show you where its dark, but have no fear.
>>65076528
>I am known as the walker instead of the driver
>meet nice girl at school
>me and her walk around campus talking about all sorts of stuff (mainly films)
>Says she’d like to hang out a bit more.
>JACKPOT
>I tell her that I’ll pick her up at her place the next night for dinner
>I have to prepare myself
>I don’t own a Drive Jacket, so I have to make one.
>Spray paint my old Columbia jacket silver, and I staple a scorpion onto the back made of yellow construction paper.
>You’d swear it was an actual prop from the movie.
>The night comes
>I pull my green 1993 Honda Civic into her driveway. She hops in.
>“What the fuck is that smell?”
>The spray paint from my jacket is still putting off fumes, my car is filled with it.
>Pull out of her driveway quickly so she doesn’t have a chance to get out.
>”Where are we going anon, the restaurant is that way.”
>”Wanna see somethin’?” I say
>”No, I kinda wanna get the fuck out”
>We hear omething pop under the hood of my car
>Temp gauge starts to creep to the top
>”Something’s wrong with your car, stop right now!”
>I’m the driver, I know my car like the back of my hand.
>”There’s nothing wrong” I say in a hushed voice.
>She starts to panic
>She rolls down the window, yelling “Help! Someone please help me!”
>We’re going around 70 on a deserted road, no one can hear her.
>I don’t have the drive OST, so I just start singing Nightcall
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV_3Dpw-BRY
in case you don’t know which song that is.
>I can’t do a very good techno voice, so I kinda sound like a demon.
>I look her dead in the eyes as say “I’m giving you a nightcall to tell you how I feel”
>She screams
>I turn my eyes back to the road in time to see the deer
>Deer takes out my right headlight and busts my windshield
>I swerve into a ditch
>I wake up in a hospital bed, my face wrapped in gauze
>My face was badly damaged by broken glass and debris
>She’s suing me
>I put a toothpick through the bandages over my mouth and hum real human being.
>watch Drive
>want to be just like the Driver from then on
>make no attempt at hiding this when around my buddy
>one day I'm giving him and a few of his other friends a ride
>"Anon always wants to be like Ryan Gosling in that movie Drive. Heh!"
>turn around and glare at him with a toothpick in my mouth
>start swerving off the freeway
>"OH SHI- DAMMIT ANON WATCH THE ROAD."
>"How are you going to be like the Driver if you can't fucking drive?"
>I can no longer contain my bottled up fury
>if they think I can't drive I'm going to have to show them a new trick I've been working on in the school parking lot
>rev up the speed to 80 mph
>"...Suck on this..."
>slam on the brakes with all the force of my body
>18-wheeler smashes into the back of us
>$40,000 in property damage done
>three people dead including my buddy
>Driver soundtrack mix tape is broken beyond repair
>I have to wear an eyepatch now
>now my new thing is that I want to be like Jack Sparrow
>going out on the family yacht with relatives soon
>mfw
>driving around
>car is completely empty except for me, my aviators, and a tire iron
>radio off, just listening to the road
>"Nightcall" playing loudly in my mind
>completely expressionless
>losing track of where I am
>lost
>losing track of who I was
>nameless, faceless
>I keep me under my spell
>end up at a Walmart
>stand in long line for 15 minutes
>put a box of toothpicks down
>cute mid-20's girl with pixie cut working the register
>"Will this be all?"
>…
>"…?"
>…Yes.
>She thinks I'm mentally challenged.
>She wants me.
>"You're cute. I get off in 15 minutes, how about we get a coffee?"
>How 'bout this. You shut your mouth. Or I'll kick your teeth down your throat and I'll shut it for you.
>Leave with my toothpicks like nothing happened.
>AND A REE-AL HEE-RO.
>job interview
>"so anon do you have any delivery driver experience?"
>tighten driving gloves
>pull on my scorpion jacket
>roll my tooth pick in my mouth
>A-anon?
>hit play on my ipod
>"Giving you a night call, tell you how I feel....
>interviewer fumbles with his notes
>"Did one of those men give you that?"
>"W-what?"
>"You wanna toothpick?"
>"No thank you"
>...
>...
>...
>...
>"Well thank you for your time anon."
>extends hand
>"My hands are a little dirty"
>"Oh ah never mind then ha..ha"
>"Its only part time"
THERES SOMETHING INSIDE YOU
ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN
>Me and qt coworker finishing work late and closing up
>"Ah anon can you drive me home? my dad bailed on me and it's pretty dark"
>"..."
>"..yeah I drive"
>She smiles and gets in the car with me
>On the way home she ask to stop by a gas station to pick up some things
>"you give me a time and a place, I give you a five minute window. Anything happens in that five minutes and I'm yours. No matter what. Anything happens a minute either side of that and you're on your own. Do you understand?
>she laughs softly and says "you're so cute sometimes anon, I'll be back in a second"
>5 minute 1 second later she isn't back
>floor it
My fucking sides
Thank you, guys
Why are drive threads so comfy?
>>65076944
because no calls each other reddit. people are going to start coming in here and calling Drive "Reddit" though, on account of Only God Forgives.
>>65076357
ayyy
>What do you do?
>...
>...
>...
>I write about movies.
>Like a film critic?
>...
>...
>...
>No, like, on the internet.
>Oh, you mean like one of those creeper faggots.
>...
>...
>...
>Yeah.
>>65076357
Every time
>>65076944
Because it's impossible to hate the movie.
People who do have no soul.
>mfw 80% of the faggots in this thread probably drive an automatic transmission
You fucking phonies
>meet a girl at a party
>she invites me to her apartment
>time to sex
>I lie on the bed, she do the same
>start looking at her eyes
>she is waiting me to touch her
>I keep looking in her eyes till i sleep
>wake up next morning
>say goodbye and have a nice day
>leave the apartment
>>65077172
>mfw my dad didn't like the ending...
>Watch Drive
>Decide Im going to be like the Driver
>Figure if I count out 4 Mississippi's in my head then answer Ill fit it perfect
>Next Day in class
> Conversation is about abortions
>Entire class is debating, im sitting quietly with a toothpick in my mouth
>"Alright how about Anon, we havent heard a peep from you yet"
>Get to 3 mississippis
>"Anon just tell us if you think abortions should be legal"
>2 mississippis and some girl yells out "Anon prbly likes to kill babies"
>Without thinking I shoot up "You shut your mouth. Or I'll kick your teeth down your throat and I'll shut it for you."
>Whole class is looking at me while im standing pointing my finger at the girl with my driving gloves on
>Slowly back out of room
I forgot my backpack and I never went back for it
>Job interview
>Decide I need to impress
>Wash the Doritos dust from my Scorpion jacket
>Pick out my choicest pair of imitation leather driving gloves
>Stock up on toothpicks
>Arrive for interview
>Secretary looks at me and smirks, clearly basking in my sultry masculine aura
>"Are you Anon?"
>Take out a toothpick
>Chew it
>Try to ignore the splinters working between my teeth
>"Sure"
>Blood trickling down my chin
>Sit down
>She asks me if I want a magazine
>I continue to star at the wall behind her head
>Called into office
>"So Anon, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?"
>Stare for a few seconds
>Take out phone
>Start playing midi version of Nightcall
>Look deep into interviewers eyes
>"I drive"
>Get up and walk out
Still waiting to hear back, I've got a good feeling about it
> put my back to the mirror and throw on my scorpion jacket
> turn around and mire
> walk out the door
> "oh, anon, are you going to the store? I need a can of evaporated milk, would you mind?"
> ...
> ...
> ...
> "yea."
> get into mom's volvo
> back out of driveway
> neighbor watering his lawn waves
> stare at him, chewing on my toothpick
> "Hey, anon! Any plans on this beautiful day?"
> ...
> ...
> ...
> "I drive."
> peel out
> stall
> he chuckles
> tell him to shut his mouth before i kick his teeth down his throat and shut it for him
> he is taken aback
> apologize
REAL HUMAN BEAN
>first day back from spring break for community college
>brush the goldfish crumbs off of my scorpion jacket and put on my driving gloves
>mom drives me to school while I play Drive OST
>"have a nice day anon! I'll pick you up at 2:00 ok?
>...
>she giggles and drives off
>I'm wearing sunglasses despite the fact it's really cloudy out
>can't see shit
>step on a 8/10 girls feet
>quickly grab her as she stumbles
>she's embarrassed and turns away from me, intimidated by my tough demeanor
>I'm just alertly watching her
>"hey you wanna see something?"
>shes already walked off
>didn't here me
>get to class
>I'm 20 minutes late
>get Barnes & Nobles giftcard out of my wallet and try to unlock the door
>do this for another ten minutes
>someone notices me and the professor unlocks the door
>walk in with hands in the pocket s of my scorpion jacket
>before i sit down i alertly stare at a guy laughing with his friend
>"hey bro whats up?"
>threateningly stare at him for another 20 seconds, chewing on toothpick
>professor jokes about my lateness in his lecture
>stand up
>walk up to him
>"How 'bout this. You shut your mouth. Or I'll kick your teeth down your throat and I'll shut it for you."
>get expelled
>i walk home in the rain making car sounds
>a real human bean
>>65076702
no survivors this time anon, you know what you have to do.
>>65076581
>>65077956
This one also. But I meant one of someone who bought a new car from his heritage and "fucked her till morning in his car" or something. Don't get the words together to search the archive unfortunately
I drive dirty
Anons, please post more. I love these so much
>Wear a white shirt
>Blue jeans
>go to bar
>brood in the dark
>woman sits near me
>act all brooding and cool like The Driver
>get laid
>>65076357
Holy shit, no lying, but I wrote this copypasta, like, three years ago.
Jesus Christ, feels like meeting my long-lost son.
>>65076277
>Have you ever acted like the driver?
..............................
yeah
Everyday. I am insane.
>>65076277
When I'm driving, sure.
Does anyone actually have any success stories acting like people they see in movies?
I feel like Driver would work with the ladies if you can pull it off (protip: you cant)
sometimes i vape while in movie theatres
>>65076528
i fucking died at the walker mate!
>>65081515
wp lad made me laugh hard when I first read it, smiled reading it again now
>>65081515
>the drive copypasta creator is an anime pantsu poster
this is why you should never meet your heroes i guess
>>65081515
>145
>no lying
>>65076812
kek
>>65076488
Nice ending. Drive posting is great.
>>65082430
agreed
>>65077956
>shit shit shit play it cool man, what would Driver do
my fucking sides
anyone have the Real Human Bee one?
>>65076741
Absolute madmen, all of you .
>you will never be a real human bean
Yes I am just like the Driver and Julian from OGF.
However unlike them, I don't have a gf, but my stoic expression and sparse speaking intimidates those that would mess with me.
I could snap at any moment and just beat somebody to a pulp who pisses me off even a little.
Faggots are afraid of me, I am exactly like the driver, although nobody has given me a chance to display my bottled up fury.
>sitting at home on computer in my scorpion jacket with no pants on
>door opens
>mom walks into my room
>her eyes start watering due to the residual semen odour
>she starts coughing
>asks me between breaths if I want any dinner
>I turn back and continue playing freecell, using my free hand to fondle my limp dick
>five minutes later I respond "sure"
>she's already gone
>an hour later I sit down at the table
>dinner is cold
>I turn to my mother's empty chair, and, whilst rubbing my fingers through my bald spot, say "I drive"
>the chair is cold on my naked ass
>tfw shit at driving
It's just practice right?
>>65076277
Yeah, just today, I drove to work.
>>65076357
Damn it you had me excited for a second.
>>65076357
god damnit
>>65076812
fucking hell
jesus christ fucking newfags
>>65077217
tell him to get back to his anime shit
>>65076445
Top Kek
>>65084273
>implying my dad's some weeaboo man child
>impying my dad didn't look down on me all throughout my teen years for watching anime
>>65076277
I have awkwardly stared at people, yes.
>be 23 years old
>at Halloween party
>wearing scorpion jacket and leather gloves
>everyone's dancing, getting drunk while I stand silently in the corner
>every girl there is drawn into the aura of mystery I exude
>nod at the girls and step outside
>silently watch the party from the outside
>drunk 7.5/10 comes outside
>smiles at me, I nod and flash a half-smile
>asks for a smoke
>offer her a toothpick instead
>"Umm....thanks"
>Ask her what her name is
>"Cassidy, you?"
>Break eye contact and stare intensely into the distance
>Her boyfriend comes outside and lights a cigarette for her
>Hear her tell him she wants to leave
>He's too fucked to take her home
>This is my chance
>Boyfriend leaves
>Turn to her and say, "so you need a ride?"
>"Uh, yeah"
>"I drive"
>"Great, you think you could drop me at my place?"
>Silently nod
>"Thanks, you're a lifesaver"
>Start walking down the driveway with her
>"So, where's your car parked?"
>realize I don't have a car
>realize I can't even drive
>realize I caught the bus to the party
>silently panic
>look around, trying to find an escape route
>She keeps asking where my car is
>"I don't feel like driving tonight"
>"Why not?"
>"I just cleaned my car, and uh...my hands are a little dirty"
>"But you're wearing gloves"
>FUCK
>continue walking silently
>fidget in my pockets for another toothpick
>realize I spent my bus money on my last box of toothpicks
>"where is your car!"
>Need to get out of here
>Walk to the bus stop
>Fuck it, here goes nothing
>Start playing Drive soundtrack on my phone
>Lean in for the kiss
>"WHAT THE FUCK?"
>Pushes me away
>Panic and shove her to the ground
>Go through her purse for bus money, and find it
>She's getting up
>One thing is left to be done
>Go to curb stomp her so no one ever finds out
>Had too much to drink
>Awkwardly trip and fall flat on her neck
>Hear a snapping sound
>Quickly hide her body behind the bus stop and board the bus
>Real hero and a real human bean
>>65081681
I always wanted to imitate this to a girl
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awjhOimDpFE
>be me
>watch drive like once
>love it
>at party
>too poor to have scorpion jacket
>just got a sweater with a lobster on the front
>qt asks if she can get a ride home
>now my time
>...
>I ride
>...thanks anon can we go?
>remember i dont own a car, only a moped
>fuck it ill just grab a key from this bowl near the door
>go outside
>find car using alarm
>"hop in"
>were sitting there, it dawns on me that i never drove a car before
>jam key in ignition and stomp on peddle
>jerk forward into garage door
>hear snap
>girl is dead, seat belt must have snapped her neck!
>oh shit oh shit oh shit
>go into fear mode
>"ill just sit there like in the end of the movie"
>entire house comes out screaming
>"omg anon and qt are dead!"
>people start vomiting
>wait til there is about 2 people outside waiting for medics
>sprint out of car and hop on my moped and drive into the sunset
>real human bean
>>65084753
neato
>>65081681
I was like Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love. Not even memeing
>>65081681
I act like a different driver
>>65085248They are pretty much the same
>>65085340
Travis is much more disillusioned toward society and scumbags. Driver spends the whole movie brooding about the qt blonde, meanwhile Travis realizes women are just another meaningless distraction and moves on from his crush
>>65085248
overrated flick.
I lost my girlfriend trying to embody the drivers persona.
>she said I wasn't fun to hang around with anymore
>3 year relationship gone because I wanted to be cool
>>65085471
...
.......I'm hip
I am the driver
>>65085005
>just got a sweater with a lobster on the front
>>65076665
Fucking hell this is gold
>>65076277
>New Years eve
>at a great party
>police show up and a group of 3 underage girls is looking for a ride out of there
>now's my chance
>"Can anyone drive us to anonette's house?"
>"...yeah I drive"
>"w-what"
>we get in the car and I try to put on the Drive OST
>I'm very drunk and accidentally put on "Drive by" by train
>"I think we'll just walk"
>I floor it
>I reach over one of them into the glovebox and grab my box of tooth picks
>after a few minutes of silence one in the back starts asking me random questions to break the ice
>I answer in slow, vague responses
>"anon you're pretty cool, what's your phone number?"
>"867-5309"
>"cool, I just texted you my number"
>"....you won't be able to reach me on this phone again"
>"lol what?"
>Oh shit blue lights flashing behind me
>Officer walks up slowly
>I roll down the window and flick my toothpick at him
>"Do you have any idea why I pulled you over?"
>I just stare at him
>"Sir have you been dri-"
>"-Hey... you want a tooth pick"
>"Sir step out of the car"
>"....How 'bout this. You shut your mouth. Or I'll kick your teeth down your throat and I'll shut it for you."
>"Requesting backup on route 9"
>Wake up bloody, post bail, and ride off into the sunset with no money and my underage waifu
>at job interview
>introduce myself like Driver were my middle name
>mention that I'm not unemployed but just looking for something better as I'm putting a toothpick into my mouth
>they ask me what I'm doing at the moment
>I don't respond and just look at them, my stare alternating between the three of them
>after 20 or so seconds one of them asks if I heard the question
>I don't respond and just look at them, my stare alternating between the three of them
>after a minute or so they ask me if I'm feeling okay and if I need a glass of water
>I don't respond and just look at them, my stare alternating between the three of them
>they get visibly uncomfortable and the same guy tries to ease the situation by saying looks like he's not a big talker hehe
>I don't respond and just look at them, my stare alternating between the three of them
>they ask me if I don't want to answer the question for any reason
>I don't respond and just look at them, my stare alternating between the three of them
>after another minute or so they say that they think it would be best if I just left
>I give them a nod, get up and leave the room without saying a word
>call them later the same day and say "I drive"
>guy from the interview says who is this
>I hang up knowing I got the job
>>65085509
worth it 2bh
>>65076812
>>65076445
>push nurse up against the wall and kiss her
>attempt to stomp his head in
>it's not as easy as Gosling made it look
>>65076357
>>65076616
not bad
>be at srtip club
>act like drive guy
>a stripper comes up to me and says she likes my "swag"
>like idk you just look angry
>gives me a free dance
drive guy is cool sometimes
>>65085005
>just got a sweater with a lobster on the front
>>65081681
Does acting like Bateman get you bitches, or do you have to have lots of money and look like Christian Bale?
>>65087092
that only works if you gets dubs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QABjuOBexo
>>65083326
>i turn back and continue playing freecell, using my free hand to fondle my limp dick
im in fucking tears, holy shit
>>65087187
Well I guess I'm getting laid tonight
>>65084753
>>realize I don't have a car
>>realize I can't even drive
>>realize I caught the bus to the party
Fuck, sides gone
>Be me on the bus
>See QT get on
>Lock eyes with her as she walks to her seat
>I'm cooler than cool
>She sits down but keeps looking back
>I stare out the window into the night
>She get's up to get off
>Here i go
>Follow her off the bus
>''Hey''
>She seems a little surprised but pleased to see me
>''Wanna go for a drive?''
>''Um, didn't you just get off the bus?''
>''Oh yeah''
>Turn and walk awkwardly away
>Realize i have no idea where i am
>Go back to the bus stop
>Bus passes her walking
>She sees me
Have you guys ever tried acting like the Guest instead?
>follow my sister to the halloween party she was invited to
>wearing just a shirt and jeans
>knock on the front door
>girl in cat ears opens the door
>"Um, who are you supposed to be?"
>"I'll bring in the kegs, where are they?"
>she just stares at me
>"They're probably in Zeke's van, it should be unlocked"
>walk off to get the kegs but I can't find Zeke's van anywhere
>powersprint up the road until I find a bottleshop and buy two kegs
>roll them back up to the house party
>this takes about an hour
>carry them in, with one on my shoulder
>"Where do you want these?"
>see a joint being passed around
>leave the kegs in the hallway and walk up to the circle
>take the joint out of someone's hands
>wink at the girl
>"I'm a big boy"
>take a drag so large my eyes start watering
>keep my breath held in and go into the next room
>start coughing violently
>throw up a little bit on my shoes
>notice the cat ear girl's ex walk in
>quickly find the speakers and unplug the ipod
>take out my mixtape and put it in the cd player
>cool eighties synthpop starts playing
>run over to the ex but trip on a keg and smack my face into the wall
>blood is pouring out of my nose
>the guy helps me up
>"Hey man, are you okay"
>stare at him coldly
>all humor has left my face
>"I'm really sorry"
>go to slam his head but he steps back and accidentally smack a picture on the wall with my hand
>bits of glass are stuck in my palm
>"C-call the police, and tell 'em the truth"
>they throw me out the front door
>as I limp away I turn and smirk
>through the crowd of people I can see my sister
>she mouths the words "What the fuck?"
>eventually get home
>go into the bathroom
>take my shirt off
>wait for her to get home
>real hero
>and a real guest
>>65076445
>>65076812
>>65085005
>>65088355
that was p. good
I keked
Idriveby a car dealership every day home from work, and about a week ago, no joke, I saw some dude wearing the scorpion jacket staring at a BMW.
It wouldn't have happened to have been one of you autists was it?
>going on vacation with my parents over break
>we're sitting right next to the desk at the gate so we're the first ones in line to board
>when we get to the plane, the attendant greets me but I ignore her, turn around, and stick my thumbs in my belt
>"Dr. Pavel, I'm CIA"
>my Mom asks what I'm doing
>gesture to the flight attendant
>"Get em on board, I'll call it in."
>"Sir I'm going to have to ask you to-"
>tackle her to the ground
>force her head into the space between the ramp and the plane
>make a gun with my fingers and point it at her head
>"WHO PAID YOU TO GRAB DR. PAVEL"
>just as I'm pointing away and shouting "BANG" the pilots push me off of her and tackle me
>"THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN CHARGE HERE"
>get put on the government no fly list
>>65076702
>mix tape is broken beyond repair
>now my new thing
fucking fantastic kek
>Decide to practice my drive guy
>Friend asks me to go to bar
>Been refining my brood and bought the drive jacket to go along with it
>Go to the bar, see qt sat down by herself
>Hear her on the phone, talking to a cab driver or something, clearly upset
>See my opportunity and ask her if she needs a ride
>Says shes stuck for a way home
>Try to pop the classic I Drive line by splutter and come across weird (sweaty at this point)
>Some guy comes over and says "This faggot looks like Ryan Gosling"
>Realise have to go all out
>Reach for my tooth picks and spill them everywhere
>Mumble something about my tire iron and get the bus home
I genuniely started using toothpicks after I saw Drive in 2011. I said I used them so that I didn't bite my fingernails but really I just thought I was cool as fuck (I wasn't).
The saddest part is that I was 20 and at uni.
>>65076357
fuck
>>65090362
Toothpicks are pretty cool doe. I just say I stopped smoking or that it helps concentrating (both true)
>>65076702
this killed me
>>65077198
Fucking hell.
>this thread
>>65076277
>that elevator scene
literally me tbqh
>>65076702
holy shit I havent laughed this hard in a while
>>65076812
Fuckin hell m8
>>65076445
God I'm crying
Yeah my personality is basically that of the driver, I also try to dress like him. Only problem is I'm a manlet spic so I just kinda come off as a sperg
>>65093142
REAL HUMAN BEANER
>>65081681
You have to literally be as handsome as Ryan Gosling
Or the girl is ugly enough compared to your looks to think you're really hot (in other words a landwhale)
I legit knew a guy who owned a black version of the scorpion jacket back in high school. He actually had the aesthetics to pull it off though, which was impressive.
>>65076404
Fucking kek
>>65084753
I love Driveposting
>>65085005
>"I drive"
>Be pizza man making minimum wage
>Don't get to wear scorpion jacket to work
>Play Drive OST while delivering the pizzas
>Knock on customers door
>"is that my pizza?"
>...
>...
>"ye-"
>"so how much is it?"
>...
>...
>...
>"wanna see something"
>I show him the pizza
>"cool, so how much is it?"
>He pays
>I leave
>Get to wear jacket to customers door and be driver
>Real hero and real pizza bean
10/10 job
>>65076357
Top zozzle
>>65076277
could i pick up cute girls by wearing a similar outfit and behaving like he does?
i genuinely want to know if it works
>>65094176
Only if you look as good as him.
>>65076581
>No mah toothpicks
Post more anons, I love these so much
>>65095487
>>65076528
>wooden stick
>>65076277
I post on 4chan. So yes.
>>65090580
Maybe i should actually stop smoking and replace them toothpicks
>dad is on a business trip
>he calls me
>"Hey Anon, I'm flying back in to town tomorrow. Can you pick me up at the airport?"
>I don't respond for a minute, he keeps saying hello, hangs up and then calls again
>"Hey it's me again, sorry but I think my call dropped. So can you come to the airport?"
>"I give you five minutes when I get there. Anyth-"
>"Plane's landing at 4:30 so be there by 5. Got it?"
>"Y-yes, sir."
>"OK. Bye."
>spend entire night chewing on toothpick, thinking of how to use a hammer on my dad's hand
>next day
>tell mom that I'm taking her SUV to pick up dad
>it doesn't have a CD player so I have to hum "A Real Hero" as I drive
>pull into Arrivals, see dad sitting on his suitcase
>"Jesus Christ, I told you to be here by 5. You're an hour late!"
>stare at him as he struggles to load his bags in the trunk
>"Be careful pulling out, watch out for...goddammit, you almost ran into that guy!"
>blow past stop signs as I see him get angry
>I nod as in my mind "Under Your Spell" swells to a crescendo
>get on the highway, try to shift to the high gear
>"Why do you have your hand on the stick? This is an automatic."
>try to stare at him silently as he shouts at me to keep my eyes on the road
>the sun is setting
>"Turn your lights on."
>"I'm gonna show you where it's dark, but have no fear."
>I gun it, doing a 120 on a 70 stretch
>dad yells "Slow down! You're gonna get pulled over, idiot!"
>hear sirens and see lights flashing behind me
>dad's just shaking his head and muttering
>"...why we even let you live with us when you're 25 and don't have a job I don't even know..."
>pull over
>roll down window
>"Sir, do you have any idea how fast your were going?"
>"How 'bout this. You shut your mouth. Or I'll kick your teeth down your throat and I'll shut it for you."
>"Sir, would you mind stepping outside?"
>look to the passenger side and see my dad isn't there
>he left my mom before I was born
>I step out of the car with my hammer
>the cops beat me up because I'm black
>>65076277
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY2Z0qhhgk4
where did the time go
>>65076665
>I can’t do a very good techno voice, so I kinda sound like a demon.
thank you anon
>>65096090
Holy shit I'm dead
10/10
>be 23, just done watching Drive
>I've always been a silent autist so the movie speaks to me on a personal level
>skip to a few days later
>middle of the night, I'm listening to Nightcall as I'm driving past a suburban area
>see a house party going on in one of the homes
>it's full of people, everyone's visibly younger than me, probably around high-school age
>now's my chance
>turn the car around and drive home to put on my Driver jacket and fingerless gloves
>Drive back to the house
>too late
>the party's winding down, people are leaving
>I pull up next to a group of chatting girls
>perfect
>I sit in the car staring into the distance with Drive OST playing on max volume
>30 seconds later I realize they're not paying attention to me
>I scroll down the window and start staring at them
>"I'll give you 5 windows, anything happens in the next five minutes and I'm yours, no matter what. I don't sit in while you're running it down. I don't have a gun. I'm a Driver."
>I wait for them to ask me a question, so I can answer as short as possible
>they're visibly confused
>realize they can't understand me because the music is too loud
>realize I forgot to put a toothpick in my mouth
>knees start trembling
>I stare at the intensely
>they're visibly uncomfortable
>realize I fucked up the quote
>mumble "fuck it" to myself
>I floor the gas pedal and run into a tree
>don't remember anything besides sirens and Drive OST
>4 days later I'm discharged from the hospital
>On my way out I hear two nurses talking about some maniac repeatedly shouting "Human bean" throughout the whole ambulance ride
>>65096090
fuking hell this thread is gold
>>65094176
Generally mysterious silent types are only attractive as long as you look good.
I've got one
>go out to dinner with friends
>"So what have you been up to lately anon?"
story cont. later.
>>65095784
Thank you, anon
>>65096365
Kek
>>65076357
That was... too accurate.
FUCK.
>>65076277
A huge smile came across my face as soon as I scrolled upon this thread. I haven't even started reading it yet. It's been a while, thanks OP.
I drive
threads like these are the reason i keep coming back to this fucking board
best thread of 2016 so far
>>65082430
They live among us, disguised as one of our own.
How can we combat the hordes of weaboos?
>>65076404
kekd
>"there's a hundred-thousand streets in this city" i say at an unreasonably loud tone
>"jesus fuck wh-" i startle my friend who was crashing on my couch
>he's now wide awake
>he looks up & sees me standing in front of him wearing nothing but racing gloves and a wristwatch tied around my dick
>"dude are you alright?" he asks
>i walk over to the window and silently stare out of it
>i check my penis and see 5 minutes has passed
>"you're on y-"
>the door slams as my friend finishes gathering his things & runs out of my apartment
>i lay down in my racecar bed & slip my silk scorpion patterned blanket over my nude body
>i smirk at the ceiling until the sun comes up
>"i drive"
>Parents divorced when I was 11
>Dad was very wealthy, died when I was 14.
>Inherit a gargantuan amount of money at 18, so much so that I never have to work a day in my life.
>Get my Mom out of credit card debt.
>Buy her a Black 2010 5.0 Mustang, her dream car.
>She died when I was 23.
>Get the car.
>I'm a literal NEET driving the literal car from Drive.
I wish I was making any of this up.
>>65099025
too good
>>65099061
post proofs
Please say you also have the jacket.
>>65081515
>>65099103
no, i don't wear a stupid fucking jacket. i didn't even know it was the car from drive when i bought it for her.
hold on, let me take a picture
>>65076581
is it a meme for drive to injure his tongue or something lmao
>>65099025
>i smirk at the ceiling until the sun comes up
Holy kek
>>65076277
Almost have every single thing in common with him, even right down to the cool jacket. except for the "driving" part, (im 25 with no license)
>>65077190
>people who actually drive stick shift don't fucking bitch about people who don't drive stick shift, reinforcing the delusion that they're superior.
please leave microdick.
>>65099103
>>65099191
Wanna help me with my college funds? For I am not as fortunate as you are, anon.
>>65099454
and the full car.
please excuse the shit in my garage, my family has nowhere to put their stuff
>>65076448
>>65076448
>>65083352
>>65083389
>>65083422
>>65086610
>>65090389
ITT: first-week-on-/tv/ redditors
>>65099191
give me money mr real hero bean
>>65099482
>>65099454
A real human bean.
It's a pretty nice car though. Lucky you.
this one time i paused for a long time before answering a question
feels like driver
>>65076445
>>65099061
>>65099454
>>65099482
I wish my dad was dead...
>>65099672
Make it happen anon.
>>65099722
>This is the End starts playing
>>65096365
Gold
>>65096090
This is perfect
>>65077956
>>65081704
That shit isn't impressive at all. He's not hitting any balls and he doesn't even clear the ring. I really hate that vaping is becoming a fad because it "looks cool".
>>65093713
>there's something inside you...
>it's hard to explain...
>"No it's just the crab sticks I had."
>>65096099
checked and kek'd
