>he doesnt bring a notepad to the cinema
Fuck off mongoloid
Lmao fucking nerd
>he doesn't use a LED pen to jot down his wortheless notes
>>64950885
That's copyright infringement ya dip.
>>64950885
>he doesn't bring a laserpointer to the cinema
>they don't bring their abacus to the cinema
How do you guys pass the time while the movie is playing?
>he doesn´t fax his ticket to the usher to avoid the lines
>he doesn't his foot massage machine to the cine'flick
>>64950885
>he doesn't choose the seat next to the ketchup dispenser
>he doesn't empty it into his trousers to use at home
>>64950885
how else am I supposed to remember the main points of my letterboxd review
Is it so you can write in it to make yourself look like a reviewer?
>>64950885
I'd just get grease and pieces of crab meat all over it so I don't bother bringing it tbqh
>>64951657
pretty much. Also take notes of names, plot points, thoughts. I make a hassle of lifting it out and putting it away so people know im taking it out to add more notes.
>>64951657
For me, absolutely. I also make a point of taking a "business phonecall" in the middle of the viewing and telling my employer that I'm in the movie right now and should have the review with him by tomorrow morning. Also helps to tut and shake my head at key plot points before writing something down.
>>64952037
>>64952637
Can't tell if serious or autistic
>>64952681
>serious or autistic
Why not both?
>>64950885
Lmeo
>64950885
>notepad
I like to bring my laptop. I sit down near the front, of course, with my screen brightness turned all the way up so I can see what I'm typing. I suffer from cerebral palsy so I type using my entire upper body and frequently use the backspace key. (Unless the movie gets to a quiter point, then I use Speech to Text.)
>Not bringing your qt and sitting in the back row for some handy action
>>64953643
This guy know what's up
sitting close to the ketchup dispenser is goat
how am I supposed to play candy crush eitherwise?
>>64950885
> he doesn't dress in full combat gear and bring an AR 15 to the cinema
>>64953741
>notepad
>play candy crush
What?
>>64953643
>bringing your own qt
>not fingerbanging random qts
You should try it next time, it's way too easy.
>>64953810
>random qts
How you know, though? Isn't it dark?
>>64953810
>sticking my fingers in strangers
no, thanks
I don't want finger cancer
>>64953643
>Attending the cinema with women
Absolute pleb. My local cinema doesn't even permit women to attend unless accompanied by their father or husband.
>>64951040
This happened everytime when movie got cut i middle of scene of some tec problems, when my school was invited to cinema to watch ww2 movies and jew shit
>>64953877
>what are gloves
>>64953808
via facebook, of course
>>64953877
You can subtly wipe them on their clothes afterwards. I've even done it when they were on the rag. Poor whore probably had to walk around with blood stains all over her shirt for the rest of the day.
>he doesn't blow soap bubbles in the cinema
I always bring an empty bottle. I piss in it and make these really loud, exaggerated, sex-like noises as I do it. I make unflinching eye contact with anyone who looks at me.
>>64950885
>he doesn't bring friends to the cinema
>He doesn't dump his popcorn and drinks all over the floor for poor people to clean up once the movie is over
>going to the cinema and not using the private booths so you dont have to sit next to crying babies and talkative teenagers
I usually bring my own little popcorn machine, you can always finda a power outlet.
It's cheaper than buying popcorn in the cinema and sometimes people buy it from me because they don't want to leave the movie right now.
>he doesn't pour the accumulated piss from his bottle into random seats as the movie ends
>he doesn't get his gf to sneak shower gel in her purse
>he pays the shower attendant
I write down all my predictions for the movie as they come to me, then fold them up to prove I wasn't cheating; then when they come true I nudge the person next to me and unfold it, showing them how smart I am.
Also a notepad is good for writing down characters' names in case you forget them, and to count the number of cuts with tally marks.
>>64954206
>he doesn't use the soap from the dispensers by the sink
Someone post that marvel vs dc copypasta about taking notes
![sddefault[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/r2nLGUl.jpg "sddefault[1].jpg")
>he doesn't have an hour-long imaginary conversation about it with The Cinema Snob afterwards
>>64954433
source pls
>He doesn't bring in his own chair to sit at the bottom corner of the screen so the rest of the audience can see him reacting live
>>64954289
>count the number of cuts with tally marks.
this 2bh
usually every ten minutes or so i do a quick calculation on how many cuts per minute there have been to that point in the movie so i know how good it is. sometimes if i think they're interested i'll update the folks sitting on either side of me.
>he doesn't bring his lawnmower into the cinema
memes
>>64954452
http://www.thecinemasnob.com/midnight-screenings
If you're like having imaginary friends (RLM), this is top-tier stuff.
>>64954507
What would one use a lawnmower for at a cinema?
>>64954562
if the movie is bad you crank your lawnmower on so the other audience members are distracted. you've really never done this?
>He doesn't accuse people of being redditors at the theater
Oh wow, this thread is bringing back memories
>The guy who checks your ticket at my local cinema also has the power to check your bags for outside food
>Can't watch a movie without snacks
>Tfw I shoved a bag of M&Ms up my ass to try and bypass the draconian rule
>End up getting nervous and farting M&Ms out all over the lobby floor
>Ticket guy chases me out the building while brandishing a mop
Not going back there desu
>>64954040
Kek.
Seriously though I have a weekly fun of pissing and shitting in the cinema. Most times I just go to empty sessions and piss all over the chairs. But there were this time when I was almost alone in the room, except for two or three couples so I put my pants down and shat on a chair. I took a piece of the cardboard from the popcorn bag and smeared all that shit in two more chairs, making sure that the shit leaked into the foam.
That shit was so cash. I fapped to the toughts of a poor girl having to clean my mess.
>>64954562
>he doesn't know...
>>64950885
>cinema
>>64954614
No, I'd never imagine you'd be able to smuggle one past all the inspections.
>>64951047
keked heartly
>>64954676
side door senpai
>>64954040
God bless you for making sure the custodians have reason to maintain their jobs
I really enjoy entertaining people so I usually look up some trivia about the movie before I watch it and tell the rest of the audience about it during the movie.
People seem to enjoy it because they always give me free food, even people from the seats in the back offer me free food by throwing it to me. People are lazy these days!
Anyway cinemas should really offer this as a service to entertain people during the movie.
>>64954653
This is my I wear diapers at the cinema
>he doesn't bring a battery powered vacuumer to collect the spilled popcorn afterwards
>>64954840
>popcorn
>not crab legs
Pleb
>>64954040
if you do this at a theater fuck you.
Sincerely,
The person cleaning your mess
i love threads like these
>>64954861
Those you can pick up yourself. You do not want to clog the hose, or what?
>>64954891
Lmao at this faggot
You charge $16 for a burger, fries and a drink? Get fucked. I'll leave whatever mess I want you thieving shitbags
>he doesn't bring his Sennheiser headphones and listen the audio track with perfect quality and 0 noise through the telecoil
>>64950885
>he doesn't bring lube and tube socks to the cinema for masturbating
>>64954913
Well in that case
>not bringing homemade Gooey Rice Krispies Treats and tearing them apart and dropping then on the floor
>>64954861
I always show up to the cinema 30 minutes early so that I can put my anvil in perfect position between my legs in order to hammer crab legs..
>>64954990
>not bringing your anime waifu body pillow
????
>>64954998
>not showing up 30 minutes early to tie fishing lines in the seat rows
>>64954989
>he has to use lube and socks in order to masturbate
>Midnight screening of Twister(1996)
>Ticket says you're sitting in row right foot green, right hand yellow, left foot yellow, left hand red
>>64954989
>using a cumsock
What are you, 9?
>>64955125
Hello Reddit
>>64955141
What's going on in this picture?
>He doesn't use his express pass so he has enough time to get shot in multiple theaters in one day
>>64954040
I would have no problem executing people who do this kind of shit. Just machete them as soon as they exit the theatre and step out into the lobby. Fucking scum.
>>64955163
looks like a cumshirt
>>64953879
Bonjour France
>>64953880
Did they evacuate the building? The way schools have to behave is retarded.
>He doesn't film a documentary about himself going to the movie theater
>>64955236
Ah, okay. I thought it was shit or something disgusting.
>he doesn't kick the chair of the person who's sitting in front of you
>He doesn't demand a recess mid-movie to discuss with the rest of the viewers what the protagonist meant by this
>>64955235
>>64954891
Enjoy cleaning up after me bro. Thanks again for the help.
>He doesn't make loud chewing noises or when opening shit
>he doesn't shot memes and make meme faces during the movie or film
>he doesn't dub over characters dialogue in some lame attempt to seem funny in front of others
>he doesn't bring body armour to the theater
>he doesn't call his mom mid movie to let her know you're ok and when you'll be home for din din
>>64955856
Fucking spic
>>64954562
>not taking care of the cinema garden while the trailers are playing
>He doesn't smuggle in a laptop under his cape and start watching kinography to set an example to all the plebians that actually paid cash to watch a flick.
>>64953877
>cancer from a tight teen vagina
>cancer is now contagious
I'd risk it
>>64953968
Haha
>he doesn't bring his hammer and anvil to the cinema to whack during silent parts of the flick
>>64955765
I don't work in a movie theatre, bro. Tell me, do you dump your food and drink all over your domicile?
>he doesn't watch the exact same movie on his phone a minute ahead to be prepared of what to come and inform the people sitting next to you
>he doesn't empty the ketchup dispenser out onto the floor and lay in it to act like he's been killed
>they aren't part of an organization dedicated to ruining movies by pulling fire alarms
http://ktla.com/2015/12/17/grove-star-wars-theater-evacuated/
www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/baltimore-city/bs-md-ci-harbor-east-theater-evacuation-20151220-story.html
this was us
ok this is getting out of hand i need drawings of the places you guys watch movies
>He hasn't memorised climatic monolog to spring on group of chads who have followed you and 10/10 they dared to go with you to the moives.
>he doesn't bring pieces of paper to make paper airplanes to throw when there's boring dialogues
>he doesn't get a refill of his pop during the opening scene and then going in exact 15min intervals
>>64956941
>his cinema offers popcorn refills
I'm jelly. Where?
>>64956941
>refill
Are you implying that you're not filling it up yourself instead of missing something?
>>64954456
Hahaha, fuck. With the whole twitch thing it probably won't be long til people pay to see this.
>>64957015
Is that fucking oil ?
>>64957015
mine only lets you refill once
>>64957208
I know it looks awful, but why else do you think theater popcorn tastes so good?
>>64957015
"popcorn topping" - I guess legally they can't call it butter
>He doesn't physically act out the action scenes in the aisle
>>64957460kek
>>64956160
>>64955301
>>64950885
These were good.
>he doesn't bring a vuvuzela to entertain the audience during boring parts
>>64957015
What the fuck.
>>64957589
lel
>>64950885
>>64951657
HOLY SHIT THAT'S GENIUS.
>tfw finally able to watch Chlomo movies alone without being >that guy
>he doesn't bring a portable bed to use in the aisle for maximum comfyness
>>64953968
top haha. would of been worth and own thread
>>64955125
Why does this minimalist frog always make me laugh?
>>64957670
This. Also my drums to increase dramatic moments
>He doesn't whistle at the hot girl in the movie every time she appears
>>64957674
>>64957589
Obviously I meant:
>>64957460
Brilliant. Post more please.
>he doesn't bring a straw to see how far he can shoot unpopped popcorn
>tfw having done the popcorn trick
2bh if you haven't you never lived
>>64950885
>he doesn't bring a typewriter to the cinema
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5waZJIjc-WI
>>64957891
>he doesn't breath through a toy trumpet during scary scenes to lighten the mood of the audience
best thread on /tv/ right now
>he doesn't clap and cheer when the hero does something awesome
>>64957949
>he doesn't photographe every dialogue instead of writing it down to save time
>>64958002
fucking lel
>>64950885
>he doesn't bring a camelpak full of milk and a baggy with a snickers bar cut into quarters to the cinema
>he doesn't play the scottish funeral song on his bagpipe when someone significant dies
>>64954456
>>64957156
>they didn't watch Shia watch his movies for 3 days straight
You don't belong on this board. Pls leave
>he doesn't hand out anvil leaflets to the audience
>He doesn't laugh really loud at the funny scenes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmTGGpb5_Cw
>not reading spoilers beforehand online and ruining the movie for everybody
Who here /devilish/?
Also speaking the dialogue loudly along
>tfw I scream "I KNEW IT" when something happens like I expected it
>tfw genuinely can't stop
>tfw laughing überhard when watching movies with family
>he doesn't let his falcon loose halfway through
>he doesn't bring a fishing rod for the cinema pond
>he doesn't whack his fish with his own mallet
>he doesn't descale his fish, chuck the fish eye balls at the cinema dancing troupe when they fail to keep in time with the dialogue
>He doesn't eat a can of baked beans before the movie to fart at the quiet parts of the movie and make everybody laugh
>>64951040
> That's gotta hurt!
>It's...gotta hurt! Hurt! Because...Aaarrrrrgh!
>Damn you, laser guy! You had to grab it all with your lowbrow laser shtick! You're just a prop comic! Where's the craft?!
>he doesn't smuggle in a cheese wheel to roll down the aisle
I bring a notepad with a camera lens
>he doesn't bring a pet rock to "accidently" drop on other people's feet
>he doesn't go round in the cinema during his spare time ensuring that flick plebs stay in line and do not break the rules
>he doesn't respond when questioned on his employment to the establishment with "it's a volunteer position"
>he doesn't smuggle a pig under his hoodie to fondle during the love scenes
>he doesn't bring a water gun disguised as a real gun filled with popcorn topping to aim at other people and ask if they'd like a shot
this is why /tv/ is not reddit.
Inspiring thread guys
reddit: the thread
>he doesn't realise that his pathetic pet "rock" is nothing compared to the pain of someone dropping his pet stone on someone foot
>>64954040
whats wrong withthis
>>64959105
>pet rock
Well, it was more of a boulder, really, but to me it was a rock.
>he doesnt bring a nintendo 3DS to cinema
>>64958794
kek
>tfw phone is all sticky after the celebratory champagne shower
>he doesn't discuss movies with borderline autistic people online
>>64959352
>tfw phone is all sticky after the celebratory champagne shower
>celebratory champagne shower
sure.
>he doesn't pirate the movie beforehand, then watch it on his phone as the movie is playing
>cinema orchestra is too loud
>can't see the fucking screen anymore
WHO EVEN CAME UP WITH THIS STUPID IDEA?
>he doesn't give away free bananas to gain respect from the audience
>>64950926
>Not knowing how to spell Mongolian
Should've taken more notes anon
Also,
>he doesn't bring a kazoo to play during the previews
>he doesn't yell out "THATS GOTTA HURT" whenever a blimp explodes to an uproar of laughter from the audience
>>64950885
>he doesn't dress up as the main character in order to become fully engrossed
>He doesn't do exit/entrance polls on the audience to gauge interest in the flick and verify his own patrician nature
>he doesn't put his cape on before the movie starts
>he doesn't wear a top hat during old movies
tbf i'm a professional movie critic, i did that exactly once and realized that it's fucking stupid
>he didn't bring his xylophone to entertain other patrons during the intermission
>>64950885
>>64960603
>he doesn't own a stenographer and bring her to recount the cinema experience
>>64960680
dumb frogposter
>>64950885
>Not taking voice notes on your phone instead
>He doesn't bring a guitar and enormous amp to make his own soundtrack for the flick
>>64950885
>he doesn't bring firecrackers to the cinema
>>64960753
>He brought his laptop to the cinema to call people dumb frogposters while watching spike lee's newest joint
>>64954433
Sup Latza
>he doesn't bring his spinning wheel to make yarn during boring parts
>>64954661
nice
>he doesn't tak clickity-clakity note on his laptop
fucking poorfag
>>64953548
underrated boast
>>64951047
love ya boy
>>64955153
Sup my fellow reddit
>he doesn't bring blinders to keep the light from the walkway out of his peripherals
>he doesn't wear diapers so he doesn't have to miss anthing during long movies if he needs to pee
>>64959074
Sup reddit
>>64961986
>he doesnt just stand up and piss on the guy before him
>>64962064
>he doesn't mind being sent to the cinema prison
>>64962103
what would a cinema prison look like? adam sandler movies 24/7?
>he doesnt eat a bowl of chili + taco bell so he can fart through the whole movie
Bosting in ebic bread
Archive this
>>64962207
>Walk into cinema bathhouse to use the steam room
>some anon has put a shit hammock right in the way
>>64962139
It's hard labor of cleaning the cinema after every movie. You are kept in a dark cell in the back behind the concession counters. You only get let out to clean floors. Your food is whatever you pick up off the floor.
>>64956103
>watching kino on a laptop
>>64962139
You're put into a pillory at the entrance of the cinema room where people can throw popcorn and crab legs at you.
>he doesn't buy a ticket for a loge seat
>>64958002
litterally le madman
>>64954891
Sorry that you actually have to do work for your money
>he doesn't buy 4 seats for himself and his bike
why?
>when someone doesn't take their shoes and socks off before coming into the flick arena
>>64951047
Oh god. Can you imagine hearing that shit in the cinema.
>he doesn't bring a trumpet to accompany the movie with his own, better soundtrack
>he doesn't wear his cinema gum guard
>he doesn't wear his flick shin pads
>work as male nurse at institute for terminal orphans
>take local poorly kids on day out to cheer them up
>the cinema doesn't accommodate the iron lung
Bloody typical. These kids were really looking forward to the new Ghostbusters flick.
>>64955163
>>64955236
Its a cumshirt that has been in use for many many many years
>he doesn't bring his own stepladder to get a better view of the screen
>he doesn't wear a towel during the flick to be the first in the cinema sauna
>he doesn't buy tickets for the whole row of seats for maximum comfort
>>64950885
>he doesn't have an entourage of black men to yell and holler during the film
Step up.
>>64963280
>he doesn't wear roller skates to get there even faster
>he doesn't bring his own miniature ship to play with in the cinema pond
>>64963295
>not just driving people away by blowing snot at them
>He doesn't point out each jewish actor to surrounding audience members
>>64960320
underrated
>>64955235
Go to bed Ryan
>he doesn't swoosh about the cinema to calm down because something exciting happened
>>64963452
He doesn't shake his head and tut every time a darkie appears on screen.
>he doesn't clap
>he doesn't circumcise grown men during the movie
>he doesn't handshake everyone at the exit for being a great audience
>he doesn't circumcise grown men during movies.
>he doesn't take 5 warm towels from the theater attendant and wrap himself like a mummy
>he doesn't scoop up small children and rip their asshole apart during a Alvin And The Chimpmunks movie at the 30 minute mark
>he doesn't take the opportunity to meditate in the aisle during dialogue parts
>he doesnt do obscene shadow play with his hands during the kissing scene
>he doesn't put on a cinema police uniform and make sure everyone is having a swell time
>>64950885
>He buys a cigar at the cinema giftshop rather than bring his own
>he doesn't flip pancakes during kissing scenes
>he doesn't do an irish jig every time an irish actor comes up
>>64950885
I like to use my time at the cinema in productive ways so I bring along my speak and spell so I can brush up on my spelling while taking in high quality flicks. Occasionally some people will even give me clues on some of the harder words.
>he doesn't comb his hair every time a beautiful woman appears on the screen
I like how this thread has descended into actual autism.
>>64963934
This, to be quite honest.
>he doesn't play twister by himself in the aisle during the last 22.5 minutes of the flick
>>64954936
>be American
>eat burgers at the cinema
>call the cinema "theatre"
>spell it wrong
>get shot
>>64950885
i like this new meme
>>64963984
>he doesn't have a lecture about how he enjoys the descendance into autism of threads on /v/ to the people beside him
>>64963626
>>64963630
>>64963662
>>64963733
>>64963757
>>64963767
>>64963813
>>64963822
picturing all these had me kek
>>64963984
>he's not an autist
you're missing out
>>64964127
two of those were me, I am now top kek humor master.
Fucking white people.
>>64964205
that's wrong because I was all of them
>he doesn't pull down his pants at the big boy pee pee pit when he's at cin'a'flicky
>go to theater
>its crab leg night
>forget my bib
>run back to my car
>trip on my cape
>spend night in hospital
the worst
>he doesn't scream at the top of his lungs when anything mildly surprising happens
>he doesn't bring his own toaster to offer to toast other people's toast
>he doesn't bring his waifu pillow to the cinema to circumvent the no singles policy
>>64964230
>nonwhite people
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTiZDuo9giE
>>64954891
>>64955235
look at these faggots and laugh
