ITT: We write an episode of Seinfeld 2015 line by line. I'll start us off with the opening stand-up bit.
>doo ba doo do da doo PUH PUH
JERRY:
So Donald Trump...
>quiet laughter
Donald Trump wants to kick all the Mexicans out of America... He wants to kick them all out, AND... build a wall to keep them out.
>laughter and snickers
Have you read this? Have you heard about this? He wants to build a wall, AND he wants the Mexicans he's kicking out... to BUILD this wall!
>cheering and whistles
Now everyone thinks he's crazy... But I think... He's a genius.
>whistling and applause
I looked it up. There are around 35 million Mexican people living in the U.S. I can see him now... Donald Trump standing down there at the border... A line of Mexicans 200 miles long... A big pile of bricks next to him...
>uproarious laughter
"Hi, thanks for visiting. Mexico is right over there... And if you wouldn't mind, here's a brick... Could you stack that right there? Yeah, on top of that one the last guy put down."
>loud laughter, applause and whistling
I think he may be onto something, I really do.
>bubba bah bup bah bup! Doobie do doo!
>>64593727
trying to meme seinfeld like big bang theory
living every laugh
e
l
>>64593727
Every problem in the show could be solved with a cellphone today
>>64593909
How are you gonna solve shrinkage or a twix stuck in a vending machine with a cell phone?
>>64593909
This is Reddit memeing. How would the soup nazi episode be any different? How would cell phones help baboo's restaurant? How would a cell phone stop that girl from seeing George's shriveled Penis?
>>64593909
Cellphones would only further complicate their lives.
>it's a George's Facebook status update didn't get liked by Elaine and now he feels inadequate episode
>>64593909
Bubbleboy and Vandaley industries is all I can really think of
>>64593909
this is why the golden age of sitcoms are gone. the inconveniences created most of the story, and now the world is way too convenient.
JERRY: I dunno, I like this woman and all, but...
KRAMER: But...?
GEORGE: Yeah. But what?
>laughter
JERRY: I don't know... I shouldn't say...
KRAMER: OH COME ON JERRY! You can't leave us on the hook like that.
JERRY: Alright, alright. We were talking the other day, about... You know...
>Kramer stares blankly
JERRY: YOU KNOW....
KRAMER: OOOOH, oooh la la.
>laughter
JERRY: Anyway, she said it might... be interesting if I just... You know... Watched.
GEORGE: Watch? Watch what?
JERRY: Her... Getting busy... With a another gentleman of African persuasion...
>Kramer does a spit take, stammers and slaps the counter
KRAMER: you're a cuck.
>explosive laughter
JERRY: a... What?
KRAMER: You're a KEK! A KEK, JERRY!!!
>>64593909
>parotting reddit posts
But this is completely fucking wrong you retard
>>64594447
I reddit in their voice
>>64594447
Pretty accurate.
what if jery get ipad
>>64595008
Fade out
>>64595008
0_0
GEORGE: a cuck. Hah! I wish I was a cuck. Do you think it's better as the cuck or the buck?
JERRY: The buck, by a mile.
>laughter
>George's smartphone beeps
KRAMER: what's that?
GEORGE: oh, it's this app I got the other day. It's called Sausage Fest.
>loud laughter
JERRY: Sausage... Fest??
GEORGE: Yeah, you know. A dating app. But only for men.
JERRY: But you're not gay!
GEORGE: I know, I just like the compliments.
>long bout of laughter and applause
GEORGE: "BigPackageDeliverer69: I love a big hairy chest."
>Jerry and Kramer peek over
GEORGE: Wow, that is something. I've never had a woman compliment my chest hair. Let's see what this guy looks like...
>All there's expressions change to horror
GEORGE: Is that...?
JERRY: NEWMAN!!!
>roaring laughter as Jerry runs for the bathroom clutching his mouth
KRAMER: Wow, so he's holding the box over his...
GEORGE: YEAH. Yeah...
>George hurriedly put the phone back in his pocket.
>>64595487
Holy shit
Keep going please
>laughter slowly erodes as Jerry finishes up in the bathroom
>he emerges and stares daggers at George.
>George gives a sheepish smile
JERRY: You are really something, you know that?
>Kramer pulls out a cigarette and begins to smoke
JERRY: HEY! What are you doing? You can't smoke in here!
>Jerry attempts to take the cigarette but Kramer resists
KRAMER: Oh come on Jerry! It's not a cigarette!! It's not even smoke!
>George sniffs the air disgustedly
GEORGE: Smells like... burning pancakes... And cough medicine...
>laughter
JERRY: Ugh...!
KRAMER: Yeah, it's a vaporizer. Doc said I had to cool it on the cigars. It's just harmless water vapor, Jerry! Almost as good as the real thing! Here take a drag...
>Kramer attempts to put the vaporizer in Jerry's mouth as Jerry swats him away
>laughter
JERRY: Get that away from me! Ugh, that smell. You know you're going to have to smoke a real cigar in here now to get the smell out.
>George mutter from under his shirt still sniffing
GEORGE: And... The hotdog section at the supermarket...
>roaring laughter
JERRY: put that away! Elaine's coming up.
>Kramer puts the vaporizer in his pocket.
>Elaine enters, her hair dyed neon pink
>cheering and applause
ELAINE: Death to all cishets!
>she pumps her fist in the air, then pauses for a moment, wrinkling her nose
ELAINE: Did you burn some pancakes?
>roaring laughter
Last year onr9kme and my robot buddies made a full thread for Seinfeld "fanfic" with a robot twist. The thread turned out to be pretty successful and was full of keks and laffs. Some weeks ago I found this screencap and it had the best of that thread. All except the second last are written by me.
I tried to have a new thread every now and then for fresh material and make it a tradition, but it's not going to work anymore because that hellhole is filled with ledditors and normies who just don't get it.
>>64593727
>[George and Jerry are in Jerry's apartment, on the couch looking at their iPads]
>George: "Have you seen this new baneposting meme?"
>Jerry: "Again with the memes, George?"
>George: "Well, have you seen it or not?"
>Jerry: "No, George, I haven't seen it."
>George: "It's ridiculous, Jerry! All they do is write 'you're a big guy' and 'for you' over and over!"
>Jerry: "George, you know I'm not really into the meme stuff. I don't meme. I'm not a memer!"
>George: "Well, this meme has gone too far! Too far, Jerry! And I'm going to do something about it!"
>[Kramer bursts into the room]
>Kramer: "What's George yelling about?"
>Jerry: "He doesn't like the new baneposting meme."
>Kramer: "Oh ho ho ho! Looks like we got ourselves a hothead!"
>George: "That's it! I've had it!"
>[George storms out of the apartment]
>>64597013
>>64597029
I love how we responded at almost the exact same time and Elaine was a radfem in both
>>64593909
>implying Kramer would own a cellphone
Possibly a series of burners, but that's it
>>64597598
ye, didn't want to interfere with the narrative you had going on, I guess this is a different episode
>Elaine comes in with a Duffel bag.
GEORGE; What's in the bag?
ELAINE: Oh, just some pepper spray cans.
>Kramer gets excited
KRAMER: Do you think I can burrow some of them? This guy, man, keeps showing up every morning and shoves letters in my mailbox. Sick of it.
>loud bout of laughter
GEORGE: What are they for?
ELAINE:For the Feminist rally, wanna come?
GEORGE: Well...yeah! Will there be a lot of women?
>laughter
KRAMER: I don't think they're your type.
>loud laughter
>Jerry comes in
GEORGE: Hey Jerry, wanna come to a Feminist rally, I've heard these gals get friendly if you support the cause.
>laughter
>Jerry stares skeptically
JERRY: Support the cause, or SUPPORT the cause?
ELAINE: Definitely SUPPORT the cause, they'll smell your intentions from a mile away. That's why I'll bring pepper spray.
>Jerry still with the skeptical look
JERRY: You're only going because you want to meet riot control police men.
>laughter eruption
ELAINE: Well, yeah. That's a feminist cause.
KRAMER: I'm telling you, Jerry, it's a great idea!
JERRY: Oh, it is not.
KRAMER: Is too! You know my friend, Bob Sacamano?
JERRY: What about him?
KRAMER: He used to work in construction. He's gonna have a crew in my apartment next Wednesday, and they're knocking all the walls down!
JERRY: Do you ever listen to yourself? How are you going to live with no walls?
KRAMER: It's like a canopy, Jerry! An apartment canopy! I have no secrets, so people will be able to see everything I do. Sleep. Watch TV. Shower.
JERRY: That's a nice image.
KRAMER: I'll be living the dream!
JERRY: Kramer, for the love of God, don't knock your walls down.
KRAMER: I'd like to see you try and stop me.
JERRY: Oh, I will.
KRAMER: Oh, will you?
JERRY: You tear the walls down and I'll just build them back up. Mark my words: I will make Kramerica great again.
>>64597164
Hah!
Golden
>>64597800
>>64597029
>>64595487
>>64594447
>>64593727
This is fucking great!
>>64594447
>>64593727
So lame, learn script format at least if you re gonna try shit like this. Cringed hard.
>>64594447
>in a whiny voice
JERRY: ...But I don't wanna be a cuck!
>>64593909
Wrong
Open at monks
>I mean if its called a drone , why is it so quite
>the worlds gone crazy, so did ya see that video I posted of Johnson at work slipping on the spilt coffee
>yeah
>well
>well what?
> well did you like it? I thought my slow mo editing was ...pretty good
> yeah it was pretty funny
> so ya liked it!
> yes , I liked it
> well Jerry I'm checking right here ...and it seems that you didn't physically like it
> what
> well, I mean it just you said you liked it...and yet ... No like
> ah, geez George , are we gonna do this again, I al-
>Hey you're the one who said you liked it , Jerry, I need these validations of myself, and it shows that Im a well liked popular guy, the guys at my new job think I'm cool
> wow, if those guys are that delusional, I don't think one more fake Internet point is gonna help your fake reputation
It's about poking fun at society's interactions and such
>>64595487
Top leleel
[URGENT]
If anyone has any 4chan made seinfeld episodes please share them here.
I had a ton of them on my computer but it crashed a while ago.
Some are even extremley well made scripts.
Please help a fellow dude out.
>>64593909
There often was a disconnect in communication. But the joke usually wasn't that a character didn't know something in time. It was usually just explained to the viewer that way. A modern show could just use a narrator. Or knowing the characters on Seinfeld, they would probably intentionally withhold information if they knew it was for others misfortune.
>>64594018
>shrinkage
She would have taken a picture of George and it would have gone viral if made today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_01VarPZMfU
JERRY: So how's it go with Monica last night.
GEORGE: Very well. Up to a certain point. Then it inexorably began to go wrong.
JERRY: I'm anxious to hear this.
GEORGE: Well we were on the couch. And I was thinking about how to make a move. What kind of move to make? She wanted me to! I wanted to! But I was paralyzed with self doubt.
JERRY: This sounds familiar.
GEORGE: Then it struck me! And I thought it was the best idea I ever had.
JERRY: Go on...
GEORGE: Spinning!
JERRY: Spinning?
GEORGE: Spinning. I thought it would make her like me. She left of course. What was I thinking? I'm such a failure.
KRAMER enters
KRAMER: Whats this about failure?
JERRY: George tried to get a girl by spinning and it didn't work. She walked out on him.
KRAMER: Well it wasn't because of the spinning. [gestures with cigar] That's a good trick Jerry. Best there is.
>>64598293
Pretty, pretty , pretty good
We need more!
>>64597164
this is very authentic
