I present to you the ANH "Mary Sue/Marty Stu" rewrite. For the writer who thinks Luke is too human and relatable and should've been as perfect, plastic and flawless as Rey. Because boys need role models who are superior to themselves in every way.
*Luke is an expert survivalist living on his own in Tatooine. He isn't subservient to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. He loyally waits for a lost companion to return.
*Luke steals R2-D2 from a Tusken Raider on a Bantha who has captured R2-D2. The Tusken just watches and rides away.
*Luke can understand everything R2-D2 says. C-3PO is written out since he's not needed to translate.
*R2-D2 follows Luke around obediently instead of running away and generally just thinks Luke's awesome.
*Luke meets Obi-Wan and tells him he's just a nobody and didn't even know the Force was real. Obi-Wan hands Luke his father's saber and then disappears from the movie. No training required.
*Luke experiences a "vision" upon touching the saber for unexplained reasons. Magic lightsaber?
*Luke enters the Cantina and knocks down Ponda Baba and Dr. Evazan with a stick when they threaten him.
*Luke finds the Falcon with only Chewie inside as TIE Fighters start bombing the area. He jumps in and flies it with some wild maneuvers through Beggar's Canyon while Chewie works the gun port. They destroy the TIEs and return to get Han.
*Chewie is injured while running from Stormtroopers to get to the Falcon and Luke takes over as co-pilot.
*Luke fixes the Falcon's malfunctions by himself before Han can figure out what to do.
*Han is so impressed with Luke that by the time they get to the remains of Alderaan, he offers Luke a permanent job.
*They sneak into the back door of the Death Star unnoticed and somehow instantly find Leia's cell.
*Luke uses the Jedi Mind Trick on the guards at Leia's cell to get inside. (First time the Jedi Mind Trick appears in the movie.)
*Leia says Luke is amazing, thanks him and won't stop talking about wanting to run away with him and devote herself to helping him. Luke is not interested and says he just wants to be friends.
*Han somehow instantly finds the head Stormtrooper Commander and says he'll kill him if he doesn't shut down the tractor beam. The Stormtrooper Commander complies and they throw him in the trash compactor.
*Darth Vader finds the heroes. Luke watches as Han Solo confronts Darth Vader and is killed.
*Luke attacks Darth Vader and holds his own. He drops his saber but he is able to Force grab it before Vader can. (First time Force grab is seen in the movie.) Vader offers to train Luke. Luke lands several blows on Vader and cuts off his hand while remaining unscathed and Vader collapses in a heap. But there is an explosion that ruptures the platform between them and Luke must join Leia, Chewie and R2 back on the Falcon.
*Meanwhile, Wedge leads a small squad to do a bombing run on the Death Star. He easily hits the target without facing much resistance or even thinking about it much and the Death Star blows up.
*Luke officially joins the Rebellion at the end of the movie and is instantly selected to pilot a ship on a vital mission they've been waiting years to do. Their best pilot who just blew up the Death Star, Wedge, is passed over.
>>64257873
Saving all this for future Luke shitters thanks senpai. Though:
>*Luke attacks Darth Vader and holds his own.
Again dawg, in TFA Ren:
>just killed his pops
>Is actively being torn between the light and dark side
>Got shot by Chewie's big warm crossbow
>>64257873
Is Luke's lightsaber seriously just hanging on a bent piece of metal? How does it not fall off constantly?
>>64258062
>is shown to be fine
>uses force push on Rey
>gets chopped by a janitor
>gets his shit pushed in by a woman
>>64257873
Why do people say Luke was whiny? He started off whiny but definitely grew out of that by ROTJ.
>>64257873
Is Luke shorter than his own daughter?
Han solo was the mary sue in ANH. a self insert of lucas and his rebellious, anti-hollywood persona. Chewie was modeled after his dog and the falcon was modeled after a fucking hamburger, which was a favorite food of his.
/tv/ would be bashing on "solo" as a meme charecter if this movie came out today.
>>64259796
Does /tv/ actually like Han? I never see threads about him.
>>64258875
This
People need to watch that fight again because they seem to think Kylo Fuck face was spouting blood everywhere and half conscious
>>64258875
>not wanting daisy to push your shit in with her staff
>>64260670
jkmimsapf
>>64260670
leave your cuck fantasies out of this
>>64258875
>is shown to be fine
What the fuck are you an imbecile? He is shown to be bleeding, seething with rage and conflict..
>>64257873
so basically the honest and unbiased version of this is darth vader is wounded when luke beats him
wow, still a shit movie.
>>64262305
daily reminder kylo (while injured) was shit stomping a girl (who has never been trained in jedi+sith arts for years like kylo has) and all she does is close her eyes and can suddenly fuck him up
that's called bad writing m8
>>64262914
I don't disagree a single solitary bit about Rey developing force powers so soon/her fucking character in general being bad writing. But as it stands, Kylo Ren lost because he had been shot by a big crossbow and was conflicted about the light and dark side + killing his father.
>>64262914
>>64263035
Let me rephrase; Kylo Ren lost due to bad writing. But the focus and question shouldn't be "why did Kylo Ren lose to Rey?" It should be "why the fuck did Disney hire such hack writers?"
>>64263119
This
Writing can be logical and still be bad
The first thing I'd do when writing a new trilogy is create the best villain I could, probably played by a veteran actor to nail that screen presence. They never even got around to it. Then they somehow decided 4 weenies were going to make an impression on us.
>>64263726
Sadly they wanted to sell Star Wars branded tampons, condoms and TP to millennials. Seriously I think they could literally slap Star Wars on anything and people would buy it.
