Hey gang, JJ here. Couldn't think of a clever, quippy reason for Luke's lightsaber to arrive in Maz's possession so I swept it under the rug with "a story for another time".
Any creative ideas on how it was found under fucking Cloud City?
Hurry- Disney has an actual Rancor hungry for limited writers.
It could literally be anything. Maybe after Luke became a legend, a people would pay a lot of money for items linked to him, so naturally scavengers scoured the universe looking.
>>64005108
Cloud City was above Bespin though, famiry. Bespin is a gas giant so I doubt there was anyone on the surface or anything to be scavenged in the first place.
>>64005011
JJ couldn't care what the reason is
he is done with star wars, he isn't doing the next 2 movies
>>64005011
It didn't fell into vent or it stuck in a vent. Or it fell on another platform.
>>64005011
This was the last time we saw this lightsaber. Whoever found it probably found Luke's hand as well.
>>64005011
Luke got sentimental and used the Force to fetch it. Then he gave to to orange yoda, or maybe he threw it away after his failure as teacher or something.
>>64005011
>"ah fuck it i'll let someone else write it, i've got nazi symbolism to make fun of"
>>64005780
>Whoever found it probably found Luke's hand as well.
>there's a guy on cloud city wanking using luke's hand
>>64005011
Vader wants his old saber back, orders stormtroopers to find it. They do, and end up killing a few Ugnauts in the Cloud City salvage room for kicks. Vader keeps it in his castle with his other cool shit. Empire falls, Vader's castle looted by pirates.
Was that so fucking hard?
>>64005011
You're full of shit.
if you were really JJ then that pic would have lens flare and Matt Grunberg in it.
Also just say some shit like "midichlorians guided the hairless yellow ewok to it."
>>64005991
>wanking with Luke's hand
why would you do that, freeze the thing and sell it as Star Wars merchandise
>>64005011
>Any creative ideas on how it was found under fucking Cloud City?
Vader ordered it found. It's been part of Star Wars lore for ages that he recovered it. It was rightly his, he wanted it back.
Hey guys Rian Johnson I need to explain how Rey got all those powers and skills that make no sense for a poor scavenger / prostitute from a deserted shithole, anyone have any idea I could borrow?
Pic related
>>64005011
Someone found it on the ground.
Why is this a problem?
It fell a mile down a shaft onto what was presumably a metal surface at the bottom. How is it in prime working condition in TFA when it should have been smashed into hundreds of itty-bitty pieces? Maybe the meat of Luke's hand took most of the impact?
>>64006261
she's actually a mind wiped jedi knight
>>64005011
sheev probably used the force to guide it down the shaft/vent thing to be retrieved later.
maz has it because shes actually a sith or something.
>>64006332
Ok so she's more powerful than the villains
Where do I go from here m8 PLS I NEED HELP WE'RE FILMING RIGHT NOW
>>64006391
She's a Sheev clone
>>64006317
Lando's insurance required seven feet of memory foam at the bottom of any shaft longer than 12 stories.
>>64006261
>Prostitute
Never go full retard
>>64005780
That's where the clone of Luke comes from in old EU.
>>64006531
Who actually believes Rey always found scrap to sell, every single day?
My theory is that while Rey is a good scavenger, there were many weeks where she found nothing or too little that is salvageable at all.
In those weeks she was almost starving. Her body is already burning a lot of calories because of where she lives and what she does all day, so she really needs these little rations.
The implications here, of course, are that from time to time Rey saw no other option than to sell herself to some alien scum at Niima station. Yeah it wasn't always sex, most of the time it was probably enough to give a quick handjob or blowjob to someone so they'd give her half a ration and she'd survive for bit longer until she found some crap to sell, but still.. she found the whole experience extremely degrading and she hated it. It wasn't uncommon for her to have a tear running down her cheek while she had a fat alien cock stuck in her throat.
>>64005011
I wonder if that was explained in the maz scenes they cut. She was supposed to have a bigger role but they cut everything they could at the last minute.
>>64006590
>my theory
Stopped reading there. Your headcanon is actually retarded and you're an idiot for thinking anyone else gives a shit.
>>64006710
How does it feel to know that your waifu sucked multiple alien dicks for rations?
>>64006750
Do you think sex is worth an entire portion?
>>64006590
Its a giant fucking star destroyer. Of course she found shit every day. Of everything in the entire movie, this is one of the few believable parts.
why was JJ scared to call Rey a slave? She literally belonged to that alien fat guy
>>64006824
Depends on what you mean by sex
I bet she made a few whole portions when she got into the more degrading stuff like servicing a whole freighter's crew at once, triple penetration with space squids, etc
>>64006914
Cry more bitch nigger
>>64006578
You talkin' bout Luuuke?
>>64006986
You can keep your adult fanfic going and oost it in literotica with the rest of them. Doesn't make it even remotely likely to be true.
>>64006918
indentured servant
>>64006012
I would actually be ok with this
>>64007058
>literotica
I just nostalgiad a little
>>64007058
kek there's nothing wrong with sucking a few (well relatively) dicks on the side to make ends meet anon don't be so mad at your waifu
In fact you should be proud that she's such an independen empoweredt woman that don't need no man (only that man's credits)
>implying any piece of tech sitting in a cellar for 30 years would still work
>>64007236
>implying light sabers are tech.
They're just a metal container full of midichlorians.
>>64007236
In a cellar it would indeed still work
In a crashed space ship the chance drops dramatically
>>64007369
No that was awful, do you even Star Wars?
>>64006261
The io9 observation that she appears to intuit most of the force powers after Darth Supremegentleman tries them on her was bretty gud.
JJ fucked you over worse by leaving you all of that political exposition tbqh
>>64007407
Why was it awful? Rey is a Sheev-tier prodigy; why couldn't she learn tricks from Kylo's attempts to force-rape her?
>>64005011
>The lightsaber, still clutched by Luke Skywalker's hand, had become lodged in one of Cloud City's lower air shafts and eventually was recovered by a maintenance drone. The drone deposited the hand and the lightsaber in Smelting Core D. There, it was discovered by Groggin, the Smelting Core's supervisor.
>>64007627
How long is Groggin's wookiepedia article?
>>64007543
>rey is a sheev tier prodigy
>why was it awful
>Literotica
>all characters must be 18 or older
I don't understand, who is being harmed or exploited by text?
>>64005011
Did we ever actually see it fall of the City through the pit like Luke did?
Maybe it just got stuck some where along the way with Luke's hand and someone recovered it, maybe they sent Bubba Fett to get evenand used the genetic material from the hand to make Luuke and Luuuke
>>64006248
EU is not cannon
>>64007649
>How long is Groggin's wookiepedia article?
I'm sure you're happy to learn that his midwife's second son's classmate was actually one of the stormtroopers who commited the massaker in the beginning of The Force Awakens.
>>64007658
Literotica is run by pussies who are scared to death of moral guardians. Just use ASSTR, they don't give a fuck
Guys can someone PLEASE answer this, was that Luke at the end or bigger Luke? This is important
>>64006531
>>64006531
>White knighting an obvious Mary Sue whore
Never go full tumblrtard reddit.
>>64007831
Abrams is too pleb to know about the bigger Luke.
All Lukes will be normal sized in the new trilogy.
>>64006590
This pasta is already stale, send it back.
>>64007236
>ak47s buried in watery mud for decades in a piece of cloth
>>64005011
Why couldn't it have been Obi Wan's lightsabre from ANH which should have been in Imperial Custody after he died on the deathstar during his duel with Vader?
Would have made more sense than getting luke/anakins sabre from a FUCKING GAS GIANT PLANET
>>64010085
Oh shit, whatever did happen to obi-wan's lightabre? And if the fan theorythat rey is his daughter/granddaughteris true, then it has even more relevance and would nicely mirror obi wan giving luke anakin's lightsabre in ep4
>>64005351
JJ is still the ex prod on both VIII IX. He is definitely interested.
The problem with OP is that Rian Johnson's script is already finished.
>>64010512
rey would need to be over 40 for it to be his daughter
>>64006710
>Replying to that one anon who keeps trying to force that post to become pasta.
>>64010772
How is that? Have you heard of Ben Franklin's ghost raping people. Now imagine a force ghost. Remember that Anakin had no bio-dad.
It is a story for another time. Unlike the old canon which was "whatever only the movies count" the new canon is "Go buy this book or video game or spin-off to find out"
JJ shouldn't be blamed too much for this mess, Kennedy and Disney are the real culprits
>>64005011
It landed on a scaffolding and was retrieved, simple as that.
>>64010512
Blew up with the Death Star or Vader tossed it into the trash shoot.
Cloud city was a mining colony collecting tibana gas from Bespin. Maybe it got sucked up and stuck in a filter.
Bespin is gas, right, so it just fell all the way through and out the other side and then eventually just landed somewhere and Max was there and she was like "oh neat"
and yeah there are a few problems but just, like, the force, man
Droids come to Maz's to look for Luke, show her his lightsaber. "I dont know where he is“
Some space ne'erdowells steal the lightsaber from C3D2 and she gets everyone loyal to her in the place to stop them. She holds on to the lightsaber for safekeeping.
>>64005011
>clever
>creative
Some janitor or Ugnaught found it. How did Obi-Wan get Anakin's lightsaber in IV before the prequels explained it? No one cared because it doesn't matter.
Just make Luke the final boss. His lightsaber is like Sauron's ring. It wants to be found so it can corrupt. Thus Rey turns to the dark side in the 2nd movie has a romance with Kylo and for 2/3s of the last movie before finally redeeming herself, killing Luke/Snoke.
Last movie ends with Rey being pregnant and giving birth to a son named Anakin. But she can't keep the baby so she gives it to a slave on Tatooine named Shmi. Pottery confirmed. Time is a flat circle confirmed. ;)
>>64006147
>What is this star wars you speak of? Who the fuck is Luke? Why is there cum all over this hand?
Seriously.
I'm 10 minutes in and I have nothing but complaints:
1.) Way too much exposition
2.) Everyone speaks formally, there is no personality what so ever
3.) The humor isn't funny
4.) Finn, the Stormtrooper with instant PTSD?
What the hell is that?
5.) The music doesn't match up with the scenes who so ever
6.) The cinematography is forgettable and doesn't convey symbolism at all
Why are people praising this movie?
I didn't have high expectations, but this isn't space fantasy adventure mystery it's supposed to be.
It's paint by numbers.
The baddies aren't even menacing.
The prequels are actually better.
This is toyfare, nothing more.
Not a drop more.
>>64006914
Definitely. It's pretty much several kilometers of pure tech. Looting it one sled-load at a time would take decades, especially considering that Rey is one of the few species in the area capable of climbing that well.
>>64007068
Not even, just a very unequal economic arrangement. He is the only guy selling food for scrap, gathering scrap is the only work besides prostitution that Rey qualifies for, and a lot of those aliens she lives with probably aren't even into humans.
Being in a shitty economic situation isn't the same as slavery of indentured servitude. Rey didn't owe anything and wasn't owned by anyone. She could have theoretically left whenever she wanted to, she just didn't want to because she was waiting for mommy and daddy to come back, who might have been some of the characters she has already met.
If Rey was abandoned by a main character as a child it really begs the question how much harder it would have been to abandon her on a planet that doesn't suck complete sandy shits.
>>64007236
>he doesn't have a NES
>>64011260
Now I'm 15 minutes in.
More complaints already:
1.) The muppets aren't as good as the old school muppets
2.) The attempt to manipulate the audience into feeling for Rey because she sucks at scavenging is just sad
3.) How has she been doing this her whole life and she still sucks at it?
>>64005780
>AAH!
what did he mean by this?
>>64011341
Wasn't Rey left with the scrap buyer when she was abandoned? Someone was holding her arm and it looked like that guy.
>>64011260
>>64011382
>>64006391
She's a strong independent womyn who don't need no man, but is willing to submit to superior black cock as penance for her sins against the jewish race
She kneels before the large, thick black cock, allowing it to fill her mouth and this pleases her greatly, to serve her jewi- black master so well.
>>64011105
>fall all the way through a gas giant
fucking retard
>>64006261
deus ex machina
>>64011503
Correct. During her vision he says something like "quiet, girl"
>>64011382
>>64011260
>having such adhd you have to check back in on /tv/ every 5 to 10 minutes during a movie
They basically hand out medication for that, get some.
>>64011503
>>64011966
Whomever was holding her arm had Max Von Sydow's voice.
Which makes me wonder who he was and why Poe respected him so much.
>>64005011
When Luke fell he was sucked into a maintenance shaft or something like that.
Isn't it possible the hand and lightsaber also got sucked up?
>>64012667
He had the alien hand though. Maybe there's something DEEPER!
