Rey did I ever tell you about the time me and Kylo Ren's parents got stuck in a trash compactor on the death star. I was almost killed by a giant one-eyed sewer monster. Then the walls started closing in and we had to get R2 to save us. He was a good friend
>>63794079
Rey did I ever tell you about the time Leia gave me a blowjob, got her pregnant too. How about you give me one, and I get your pregnant too. So our son can go one and kill his uncle and brother Kylo Ren.
Yo Rayy lmao, did I ever tell you about that time Leia sucked a leech out of my cock slit? Some crazy times. Anyway, wanna learn how to use my light saber... If you know what I mean.
>had his entire academy slaughtered by his nephew
He was totally incompetent.
>>63794079
Rey did I ever tell you how despite this movie being written by Michael Arnt, JJ Abrams and Lawrence Kasdan, my dialogue all had to be cut and my scene re-edited because it made the ending more flat and lackluster? And how I am just going to stare at you for 30 seconds instead of saying anything?
They were good friends.
>0 lines
>ZERO lines
What were they thinking?
Rey did i ever tell you about master Yoda? I had to go through a lot of training with him to learn the stuff you can do just because you're such a powerful woman. He was a good friend.
You gonna pass me my fucking saber you putrid cunt? I wasted a full fucking movie just to be as good as you are.
>>63794773
>he spent all that effort losing weight for that scene
>>63794773
>implying nobody saw this coming
He wasn't in the poster or in the trailer. It's anticipation now for VIII which means moar money for Disney. This was perfectly made by them.
>>63794079
That helicopter shot was a mistake
>>63795095
What if he dies in the meantime? It will be at least 2 years before the next film come out.
>>63794079
>Now I am Obi-Wan Kenobi
>>63795139
Abrams was a mistake.
a glitch fact smile
>>63795215
>at least 2 years
Next one will come in may 2017
>>63795139
That was the fucking final scene.
I couldn't believe it.
A FUCKING HELICOPTER SHOT IN STAR WARS
>>63795289
A
FUCKING
HELICOPTER
PAN
SHOT
IT WASNT EVEN SMOOTH
LUKE AND REY LOOKED AWKWARD
Rey did I ever tell you how we blew up TWO death stars and killed the emperor only for it to not even matter because apparently the bad guys can just immediately make another one?
>>63795215
Maybe they edit this movie, say she doesn't find Luke but Jar Jar Binks instead. Turns out Luke before he died of extreme old age had been training him all along to fight Kylo Ren.
>>63795356
>and killed the emperor
nope
>>63795324
>>63795289
>>63795139
this
the only scene in the entire movie that felt off, like it's from a fucking procedural TV drama
Rey did I ever tell you about Obi wan Kenobi? He was an old creepy guy that stalked me since birth, he was a good friend
>>63795139
Man... All I could think after this shot was holy shit this is just like Peking Express...
Anyone have clip of the helicopter scene, I remember it but don't recall how bad it looked. However Rey was handing the lightsaber to Luke painfully long time
What the fuck is a helicopter shot?
>>63794079
>gets his whole academy destroyed by some snotty kid that got defeated by an untrained girl.
>abandons all of his friends and runs off into hiding on an island
This is not the Luke I knew from my childhood who would face the most dangerous sith lords in the galaxy or risk everything to help his friends.
Red did I ever tell you about telling about you? He was the ever tell you about, I remember he was the about. The about you was the remembered good friend about you good friend
>>63795287
Are you fucking serious?
They will fast track everything like the Matrix trilogy?
DROPPED
R
O
P
P
E
D
>>63795546
A shot from a helicopter.
>>63795546
Its when a transformer has sex with your face
>>63795500
the stance with arm outstretched while he just stared at her was the worst thing about it.
the end shot was actually not that bad
unconventional and striking but not weak or amateur
>>63794773
Wait so Luke doesn't even say anything in this film? That's fucking bullshit. I wanted to hear Mark Hamill talk goddammit. What's the point in seeing it now?
>>63795139
is general consensus that until that point the scene was looking good? it was just the helicopter that ruined all of it.
>>63795500
I thought Luke was just hesitating knowing what her gesture and presence entailed, I expected him to grab the saber using the force and then end credits but instead that fucking helicopter long ass shot. wtf...
>>63795017
And the other sequels.
>>63794773
how much did they pay him for that many lines
>>63794773
because JJ would knew the moment he would begin talking all anyone would think about is Joker and Trickster.
>>63794079
>they gave a voice actor 0 lines
>>63794951
He could have at least force grabbed it.
>>63795095
the scene was 100% supposed to be longer and have dialogue.
>>63795649
It would be good sans the helicopter shot. Also it needed dialogue... LETS JUST STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR A MOMENT TO BUILD UP EXCITEMENT FOR SEQUEL
>>63795622
The whole film is a two hour long teaser.
>>63794773
They are filming episode 8 right now, FYI.
>>63794705
Jedi in training going rogue and indiscriminately slaughtering everybody seems like a common occurance in star wars universe. Why don't they supervise them better?
>>63795738
>>>63794951
proves?
why did they cut it
>>63795762
That's good at least, who's the director?
>>63795720
this
>>63795584
they don't care about quality.
meanwhile Cameron is still rewriting his Avatar movies.
>>63795782
Rian johnson
>>63795139
This. I get that they want to show them in a really cool location, and not use some cgi backdrop... but it was clearly off. I dont know if it was the film they used, or what... but it was a little jarring.
>>63795768
You would think that a handful of Jedi's would be able to contain a mini Jedi, but as said before:
>any plothole can be excused by the force
screenwriting is easy
>>63794079
Rey, did I ever tell you about my friends Kyle Katarn and Dash Rendar?
They were good friends.
>>63795780
the leaks had him revealing he was Rey's father. it probably didn't work as an ending because everyone already figured it out and we'd already had the Kylo/Han reveal.
that and "I am your father" has been meme dialogue for decades, to the point that Toy Story 2 spoofed the scene in fucking 1998 or whatever
Is there a NEETipedia article about helicopters?
>>63795720
>Getting payed just to stand in front of a camera for a few minutes
I see no problem.
>>63795287
>A year and a half's time
Seriously? That son of a bitch Abrams, just when I'd started to like Star Wars at Christmas time.
>>63794079
The force works in mysterious ways.
>>63795874
They were certainly better friends than Poe Dameron and Finn
Rey did I ever tell you about the time I fell to the darkside?
>>63794079
He already looks even better than he did here.
Looking forward to seeing him in the next ones. When is that going to be anyway? 2-3 years from now?
>>63795843
it's because of the Star Wars aesthetic which the movie had been violating repeatedly for two hours.
Star Wars doesn't use helicopter shots. it's meant to be shot in a classic style and helicopter shots immediately violate that. It was just more obvious than all the other times JJ fucked that principle up.
>>63795843
Really cool location, I've read up on it before. It was a monastery built by hand with no wood or nails. Supposed to be secluded as fuck. Really fits with Luke's character
>>63795884
i've seen all the hype and those leaks skipped right past me. should be no problem for you to think to them now
>>63795399
many scenes felt off, the score felt off, the progression of the plot- how the movie switched from scene to scene- felt off, Rey's power increasing suddenly from human to jedi master felt off, Poe Dameron character felt off, the Entire behavior of hans solo felt off
seriously the least annoying things in the movie are the nigger and the autistic villain
>>63795802
>Rian johnson
>directed looper
>directed 3 of my favorite BB episodes
Sounds like a solid choice actually.
>>63794773
He lost his voice being Skips
If he did have a line and it came out like Skips I would have fucking lost it.
>>63795965
He's probably gonna appear only as a disembodied voice in Rey's head.
>>63795562
yes because he got older and he was shocked that his trainee and nephew turned sith lord?
>>63796054
I'd have to admit that the prequels felt more off than TFA. Honestly the prequels felt like an entirely separate universe
>>63795622
>I wanted to hear Mark Hamill talk goddammit.
here ya go. I warn you it will make you hate the movie more.
https://youtu.be/BWCfDdydwt8
>>63796054
>>63795399
>>63795139
>>63795289
>>63795324
Guys read this, it will explain all your problems. It's also JJ's fault.
http://birthmoviesdeath.com/2015/12/16/star-wars-the-force-awakens-review
>>63795139
Glad I'm not the only one that thought this
>>63796133
>It's also JJ's fault.
Yes and the sky is blue and the grass is green.
>>63795215
Maybe you don't know, but the shooting of a movie doesn't occur two weeks before its release.
More seriously, Episode VIII shooting begins in early 2016. So if Mark Hamill doesn't get hit by a car or get a heart attack in the next two months, you're good, he will be un Episode VIII.
>>63796133
Finally a descent critique of the movie. Everything else I've seen is "durrrrr JJ is da genous, best movie evarr, omg im le nerd dis is so good, real set pieces durrrrr no CGI so amasing hurr".
>>63796133
this review is ridiculously long, can you copy paste the part where he talks about the ending please?
>>63795584
They work on more than one movie at once, that's how it works
>>63796416
No, read it.
I really hope we'll see Luke and Rey train a fresh batch of Jedi in the next movies. Firstly, because it'll be neat to see a bunch of non-prequel boring Jedi, but also just to see Luke as a bad ass teacher.
If it just ends with him dying and asking Rey to train new ones or whatever that would be extremely lame as it would just be the same thing as they already did in Return of the Jedi.
>>63795786
Yeah, a lot of good all that writing did him on the first one.
>>63796502
No.
>>63796133
>the movie is good, REALLY good
>except the part where JJ Abraham's name appears
>>63796806
It is good, but only just. It has some glaring issues and I'm glad the author of the review got into them.
>>63795768
Jedi school shooting
>>63796133
This is a great review. Glowing on the right marks and scathing even more accurately.
>>63796746
0/10
Damn he looks good
>JJ, why are filming my scenes LAST?
>>63797143
Some anon linked it in a thread last night. I really enjoyed the criticism and it basically put into words everything I took issue with.
>>63797445
Word. I feel the same. However when I did my write up I really focused on the negative aspects because fact that the movie was just shy of greatness from obvious flaws was the most notable thing I had to say about it. I linked it in the Letterboxd thread here, hopefully you like this too >>63772221
>>63796591
That's you that's what will happen. The strong independent woman is the one who gets to rebuild the Order instead of the guy who was fucking told to do it.
I was so pissed that he was wearing those gaudy white and beige Jedi robes. I hoped to see him with a black cloak and black outfit mirroring his ROTJ look.
>>63797729
I doubt it. Fans spent 20 years with the image of Luke as the leader of the Jedi academy. Even if the EU isn't canon anymore, I doubt that having him fail to do what Yoda asked him to do would sit well with the fanbase.
I think Rey's purpose will be to deal with Kylo Ren, and Luke will deal woth the Snoke/Order of Ren, and finally rebuild the Jedi Academy.
>>63797584
I agree with your write up. Kylo was really good and I like that his character is torn but you're definitely correct about the movie being too "on the nose" about it and just spelling everything out too quickly.
Luke and Vince posting combinations when?
>>63797746
It looks like the one from ROTJ, just now white.
>>63797438
Based.
>>63797909
Cool, thanks. I suppose the thing we should be more happy about is that there were more organic and well thought out characters and traits than not.
>>63795139
Fucking this. I liked the movie
The last scene wasn't good
>>63794079
Rey, did I ever tell you about Ben Solo? He trained with you at my new Jedi temple after I convinced my best friends to hand over their infant son to me. I failed in my teachings and he killed all the other students and I went into exile for my failure. You were there but I memory wiped you with the force.
I was a good father.
>>63795965
already confirmed summer 2017, not even 2 years.
>>63794079
Rey, I haven't seen you since the night your brother killed all those jedi and kidnapped you.
>>63794705
Jedi Academies always get slaughtered one way or another, in the EU version of post-RoTJ Luke also lost entire Padawans but he had Jedi Jesus Kyle Katarn to compensate.
>>63795965
>yfw he dies before the year is up
>>63798777
>Luke failed as a teacher
>Obi-Wan failed as a teacher
>Both students went to the dark side
Seriously it's like poetry.
>>63794773
He should've turned to the camera and said 'hello reddit!'
>>63799104
Luke better be the one to restart the Jesi Academy or Rey really will be a Mary Sue.
>>63797822
I'd be cool with that. I'm just afraid that the SJW demand that females be utterly flawless will result in Luke dying to make way for Rey to accomplish all of Luke's feats.
Rey did I ever tell you that the lightsaber you're holding was used to kill countless children and Samuel L. Jackson?
He was a good friend
Rey did I ever tell you about alternate universe me that marries a red head mary sue, battles a clone of Palpatine, goes to war with an extra-galactic race of beings that are force resistant, and a bunch of other shit?
>>63795017
yeah i bet there won't be any more star wars movies
>>63797958
yes
>>63795965
2016 is Rogue squad, 2017 is VIII, 2018 is another spinoff film, 2019 is IX, 2020 is another spinoff, 2021 is the start of the fourth trilogy in the trilogy trilogy.
I'm dead serious about this. They've confirmed it. Star Wars will be Disney's new yearly cash cow now that the Marvel movies are starting to lose steam.
>>63796133
only thing wrong in this review is he thinks the new characters are any good
>>63794079
>>63795965
HOW THE FUCK DID HE DO IT BROS
>yfw Master Luke lightsaber duel in VIII
>>63796133
>Readin Devin Faraci
Fuck off nigger
Also he's an apologist. He recognizes the fact this movie is completely uninspired, but that's ok because there's still episode 8 or something.
Rey, did I ever tell you that Skellig Michael is a 1,400 year old monastery and World Heritage Site, soon to be invaded by hordes of fat Americans because omg it's da jedi temple xd?
why would luke need his saber
he already has one
if it was lost
he can make another
>>63801573
Rey doesn't know?
![latest[2].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/Pf0xz80.jpg "latest[2].jpg")
>>63794079
Please tell me there is at least one other person out there that saw Toki when they saw Luke finally appear on screen.
>>63795139
It was the best shot in the fuckin' movie...
>>63800995
>now that the Marvel movies are starting to lose steam.
No, it's their new cash cow in addition to the Marvel movies. Marvel movies are doing anything but losing steam.
>>63801463
He's looking pretty good for his age. I remember feeling pretty bad for him a few years ago when this was taken.
Even if it wasn't the best, and history writes it as silly and campy, it got the biggest cheer and clap in my session and I'll always treasure the moment a bunch of sw faggots of all ages joined in harmony in celebration to the return of our good boy Luke, now a handsome baddass man of 60.
>>63794079
It's a dianoga you fucker
>>63801936
He unJUSTed himself pretty much
>>63794079
Rey, did I ever tell you about the time I kissed my sister. Good times. I can show you how it happened. She was a good sister.
Was Luke standing at the foot of a grave when Rey approaches him? Thought I saw a head stone.
>>63801463
>Master Luke lightsaber duel in VIII
please happen
Finn, did I ever tell you about the time I abandoned my daughter on a junk yard planet to be raised in abject squalor for two decades by a junk dealer named Unkar Plutt while I lived like a king on D'Qar? I had to flee because the First Order, the successor to the Empire that I destroyed thirty years ago, was trying to find me so that they could destroy me and the entire Resistance with the Starkiller Base. The Base was roughly six times the size of a Death Star, and was capable of destroying entire star systems rather than just individual planets, and The First Order had somehow managed to construct it right under our noses in just a couple of decades despite having significantly less financial and human resources than the Galactic Empire. Thankfully, I entrusted a map to my whereabouts to my good friend, Lor San Tekka, who also happened to live on Jaaku, and sent the best pilot in the entire resistance by himself to retrieve it, rather than just giving it to the Resistance in the first place. Unfortunately The First Order tracked him down, captured him, and brutally slaughtered the entire village, but not before Poe Dameron managed to put the map inside a BB-8 unit, and sent him in the direction of a society of junk scavengers. It turned out that The First Order actually had an almost completed version of the map, but rather than simply searching the star systems not on the map, they chose to focus their efforts on scouring a desert planet for a droid, probably because they'd exhausted a lot of their manpower on the maintenance of the Star Killer Base. Meanwhile, as luck would have it, my daughter stumbled upon the droid, and for no reason at all assumed all the risk of going against the First Order and stealing a ship with a droid and a fugitive to locate the Resistance and help them locate me, a person who didn't want to be found because his presence was putting the security of the Resistance in jeopardy.
And she was a good friend.
>>63801529
It's fucking Faraci? Fuck that cuck.
>>63795849
Luke was probably the only Jedi and the rest were in training. He probably wasn't even there at the time because he was out looking for more suckers to join his club.
>>63801463
> Master Luke lightsaber duel in VIII
>>63795964
My armbands were fucking magnificent
Bring my Yui back to me, Rei.
>>63799692
this tbqh
>>63795884
that actually makes sense and I feel a little better about that scene now.
So I'm led to believe Kylo Ren was able to beat an entire Jedi Academy AND Luke Skywalker, but he can't beat a couple homeless kids that have never held a light saber in their life?
>>63802413
So Not!Mara?
Seeing as Kylo is pretty much Not!Jacen
>>63794079
>about the time me and Kylo Ren's parents
nice fucking grammar asshole.
What's with SW characters abandoning their children? Are they niggers or something?
>>63802514
>the force
There, here is the explanation to anything that doesn't make sense.
>>63802663
Nice punctuation there, faggot.
>>63795965
2017 but not a full two years away
only 18 months
>>63795017
he was still pudgy there family. he'll be at full unJUST status in the future movie(s).
>>63795095
It seemed like this entire movie was made to make Episode 8 seem competent.
The movie was fine as far as I am concerned except for the fact that Finn and Rey have basically no competition, no overwhelming conflict that it is going to take them a long journey of training and conditioning to defeat to our knowledge. Kylo Ren with all of his years of training got beat by a bum that spent her life searching for tin cans to pay for moldy muffins and when she trains with Luke she surely is surely going to kick his shit even worse. They teased another antagonist, Fezma, with the shiny storm trooper armor as being a unique threat but she was immediately thrown into a trash compactor before she even had 2 minutes of screen time. Maybe Chewy will become evil or something, I don't even care anymore at this point.
>>63803092
>What is a trilogy?
>>63801463
Hopefully not. You saw how pained and stiff Han looked when he ran despite JewJew's attempts to shoot around it. Luke doing anything physical is going to be even worse.
>>63803127
>ave basically no competition, no overwhelming conflict
What about about the heteronormative white cisgendered make patriarchy?
>>63801779
>extends staring to nearly a full minute, tipping the scales from cinematic to awkward
>reveals that the two are ridiculously standing 10 feet away from each other
>doesn't add anything that the other shots didn't show
>was obviously extended to accommodate all the supposed applause, but in my theater all it did was make the audience unsure of when to clap
alright, buddy
>>63803151
Hamill is like 10 years younger than Ford and looks to be in better shape
Ford also broke his leg during filming if you remember
>>63796416
"a glib facsimile"
>>63795215
What if anyone dies while making a couple movies? Stop sperging out. You have as much of a chance of dying before the trilogy ends as he does. He's probably in better shape, too.
>>63803168
>>63802514
Not by himself, you assbag. The flashback?
>>63795768
The only way to prevent Jedi's indiscriminately slaughtering everybody is to arm everyone with a lightsaber
>>63803151
Really depends on how fit Hamill is. He's 64 and has been a slob most of the last few years so he's probably kind of past it, but he might surprise us yet.
>>63802153
Either his wife's or one he made to honor Han.
>>63803432
top fucking kek
>>63802153
could just be a rock but sceilig has plenty of headstones already
>>63794773
if han, luke and leia were all major characters it would have overshadowed the new actors
they did right by making him MIA yet part of the plot, and now the next movie he'll take han's spot as mentor
will we ever learn what happened to Luuke, Luuuke and Luuuuke? Will they appear in the next episodes?
>>63804001
I think thats in Scotland
>>63804286
Ireland, it's Skelling Michael
>>63795139
Yes. If they had ended it on the map, or if they had ended it on the Falcon taking off to find Luke, awesome. We can get hype knowing Luke will be in the next movie. They can find him in the first 15 minutes. But nope, have to fit Luke in real quick and end on a really flat note.
>>63804286
>>63804432
Why would Luke be in Ireland or Scotland? It's a fucking Star Wars movie you retards.
>>63804001
whoa, nice pic.
its strange - luke is standing directly before it whether its a grave marker or not...they are almost mirrored in the angle the lean away from one another.
is luke a grey jedi now? funny that he wore all black as a light sided jedi and now is more reminiscent of Obi-Wan on Tatooine in his older age.
>>63800995
I don't like this at all.
Rey, I see you have light saber that I fashioned. I lost the one that belonged to my father, but some people forgot that.
>>63795918
> OT always released in december in Germany
> saw TPM in a local cinema in december that takes months to get new releases
> TFA in december
> Only Rogue One will come during december and then it´s summertime all the time
Star Wars is christmas. I have a feeling like Rogue One will take my last bit of hope for this franchise as well. It´s supposed to be the Military movie and already has a female lead, I don´t know why I still think it could be perfect.
>>63804504
Ireland is the center of Jedi Republican values idiot why the fuck wouldn't the first Jedi temple be there
>>63803417
That were 10 guys at most, how big was the Jedi order supposed to be? 6 guys?
>>63795223
>Light and Dark Side
Does it always have to be so black and white?
>>63805288
Only a sith deals in absolutes
>>63794079
Who else thinks Episode VIII begins with a flashback of Luke's new Jedi Academy getting BTFO
>>63803215
>when to clap
>>63795768
Autists go rouge and shoot up schools all the time, why don't they supervise them better?
>>63799692
Rey did I ever tell you about the time the Emperor was killed and his fleet and army were destroyed and how the whole Galaxy celebrated when they heard the Empire had been overthrown by the Rebels? Biggs was a good friend.
*sniffs* DISH ISH PURE JEDI IDEOLOGY *tugs shirt*
>>63794079
>Rey, did I ever tell you about how I abandoned my daughter on a hostile desert planet, never attempting to make contact with her and tell her that her mother had been murdered by her cousin and she didn't have to stay on that planet eating microwave bread and scavenging for parts waiting for someone who was never returning, how I never contacted any of my immensely powerful and wealthy friends to pick her up or care for her, how I gave away my lightsaber to a 1000 year old oompa loompa who locked it in her basement l, how I spilt up a map to my location leaving one on my droid and putting another piece to the map on a USB drive, how I cut off all contact with my friends who were fighting in a war when they needed me most, how I abandoned them to fight a resurgent empire, how I allowed that empire to return to full strength invalidating every action in the original trilogy, how I hid on a deserted island for fifteen years doing nothing and severing all contact with everyone who needed me while all of this transpired? He was a good friend.
