>>If you do this at a movie theater, fuck you. There is a trash can on the way out the door. Sincerely, the person cleaning up your mess
Lmao at this faggot
You charge $16 for a burger, fries and a drink? Get fucked. I'll leave whatever mess I want you thieving shitbags
>That good feel while wiping my greasy fry fingers on a seat and leaving a wrapper full of tomatoes and onions on the floor.
>>63709383
>not eating tomatoes and onions
found the manchild
It takes all of 5 seconds to sweep that. No biggie.
My only grip was napkins in the cupholders because a) you'll never know whats in a napkin and b) brooms are poor grabbing devices, meaning I'd have to use my hand which is icky as fuck.
I would have actually preferred if people just dumped their shit on the floor instead of stuffing the cupholders.
>>63709383
I shit in the theater shower every time.
>>63709383
Tbh I only do this in really bad movies
![94cc678f2924e68712740c7352064cd9[1].gif](https://i.imgur.com/bMBcq8u.gif "94cc678f2924e68712740c7352064cd9[1].gif")
masterbated onto the floor
>sweep that baby batter up nikka
>>63710026
>not jerking off into the butter tub
pleb
>>63709610
>My only grip was napkins in the cupholders
Thanks for the advice. Would dumping popcorn and nacho cheese in the cupholder be even worse?
is the burger thing a joke, or are there actually theaters here that serve hamburgers?
>>63710138
there are theaters that doesnt serve hamburgers? where do you live bro, africa?
>tfw when pouring my XXL pepsi on to my seat and lobbing my shit filled popcorn bucket into the projector booth
>tfw when the projector gets knocked over and an employee goes to check on it
>tfw when you hear his shriek of utter terror and confusion
who else /mischief/ here
>>63710219
dumb frogposter
>>63710138
Nearest theater to me even serves crab legs. They have a full menu and shit.
They even have a bar.
Tickets are fucking expensive though.
>>63710219
back to your containment board you drooling underage autist
>>>/r9k/
>>63710245
you're just mad my memes are funnier than yours
>>63710219
Wanna see me jerk off into an old sock?
>>63710219
If you do this at a movie theater, fuck you. There is a trash can on the way out the door. Sincerely, the person cleaning up your mess
>>63709651
Your theater ha a shower? Where the fuck do you live
This is how we test who here is a tourist from /v/ and /sp/. Congrats faggets who replied to the oldest pasta in the book
So last week I snuck in two cages one with flies and one with crickets. I released the flies first and tossed my popcorn around so they'd have some targets throughout the theater. Almost instantly they began interfering with the projector by flying in front of it. People were getting pretty upset but they were still watching. Thats when I hit em with the crickets. 1000's of crickets all chirping at once. You can't even hear the people screaming. Of course for the peace doo resitence I bar the theater door as I leave.
>>63709383
Is this 2008?
>>63710419
My name is CIA and I hate every single one of you.
you normies are small time I just burn the theater down if I feel like I got cheated
>inb4 the theater didn't make the movie
You'd kill a drug dealer and he didn't make the drugs
>>63710371
>2015, almost 2016
>going to a theater that doesn't have showers
SHIGGY
>>63710614
This. Theaters are morally responsible if they sell me a ticket to a shit movie.
>>63710419
>i got caught by this pasta last week, but i wanna seem like i've been here forever
>>63710138
Yeah they're usually meh tier and not worth the price. In my area Alamo Draft House has a full menu of stuff which is cool but it's really easy to drop like fifty dollars on food and alcohol between two people which if the food were even slightly better I could justify.
Exactly. The price of a ticket is waaaay too high to be just for the movie. Obviously a cleaning service is included.
I also bring a tube to route down my pant leg so I don't have to miss any of the movie to pee.
My wifes son does this shit all the time. I don't say anything because he is not my biological son.
>>63711256
pic related
>>63711256
Should get him a job at a theater or encourage him to do so that way he can learn the error of his ways and you look like a hero because you encouraged him to get a job.
>>63711256
You shouldn't have to spell it it out redditor.
>>63709383
>Implying you have to buy the food there
Just eat before hands you greedy fuck, it's not the fault of the kid who has to clean up your shit that the cinema are a bunch of greedy fucks.
I always shit and piss on the floor if I'm in a mostly empty theater.
I always buy 2 sodas and pour one of them on a seat. Fucking hilarious when they are yelling because of it.
>>63710277
u have a problem with /r9k/ brah
cuz ima fuck you up
>>63711398
Don't they have cameras in the theater?
>>63709383
They charge $16 because they know you're so fat and American you'll pay it.
>>63711465
I don't live in America
Anyone have the YouTube link with the guy throwing shit in the theater?
I empty my piss bottle onto the floor and seats.
>go to see x-men with gf
>young black kid sitting next to me
>stinks like the armpit of satan
>spends the entire movie chomping so fucking loud at times he's even louder than the action scenes
>gets up at the end and just sprays crumbs and shit everywhere, leaves all his shit there
>>63711451
Wow what a waste of money. It's like five dollars for a large at theaters I go to.
>>63709383
ushers dont set prices
>>63711537
Did you let him fuck your gf in the showers?
>>63711537
Your biggest mistake was going to see X-men.
>/cinemaposters/ at the cinema:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPxFBYfksTk
>>63710078
Yes, someone has to clean it.
In fact, the worst thing you can do is get notable stains in the seating. The employees have to rush to clean and pat it dry before the next showing or tape it off.
If they don't, some poor pleb will sit in it and get a free movie.
>>63709383
I do better than that. I upend both popcorn and drink then walk out, giggling like a madman
>>63711728
So if I bring a bottle of water with me, splash a seat, then sit in it, I can go to the lobby and gets a free movie?
Theater is dark so i sometimes forget my shit like drinks of empty popcorn bag.
Times i do remwber to grab my trash the bins in the hallway are 9/10 full ti the brim so i feel like a jackass anyway for throwing it ontop of the pile
>>63710455
Here's a tip:
Use grasshoppers instead, and keep all them in confined space and feed them for a week or more on popcorn. They'll change color and become like locusts and exhibit swarm behavior.
I like to order two large tubs of popcorn, and then as I'm walking to the viewing room I pretend to trip over the scenery and throw my popcorn everywhere. They even refund my popcorn because technically it was their fault.
>>63711550
>five dollars
You think that's a lot?
This is why I watch the film from the luxury boxes. And during our 30 minute intermissions I head to the cinema hunting ranges and bag myself dinner for the night. So nice having the little extra cash
Before a movie I eat a bunch of lettuce and a can of chili, then blow horiffic ass in the theater while looking around disgusted like I don't know where it's coming from
>>63711921
I need to try this. When I eat chili I can make my farts stink so much it makes people throw up. I can even make them silent.
>go to nearby shop and buy all my favourite sweets
>they have to be small enough to sneak in - no big bottles or big bags of crisps / popcorn
>flying saucers, tins of coke, strawberry laces, milk bottles,
>line my jacket pockets with everything and carry coat
>throw half the sweets at the people infront of me
>spit out black fruit gums if I taste them (too dark to see colour)
>drop the tins with a bit of coke left and kick them so they roll down to the front
>leave my rubbish all over the place so the staff knows I didn't buy their products
literally replying to a reddit post with copypasta
>>63711954
add lettuce. Beans will give you the gas, but it's the lettuce that adds the funk
>they don't chew 15 chewing gums at once and split them into small pieces and stick them everywhere during the credits
plebs
when go to the theater if im full by the time the movie ends i just empty all the stuff i didn't finish onto the ground just pour my drink all over the floor and chuck my popcorn all over it.
i think im a pretty nice person as im helping these guys keep a job i always feel a bit of pride in myself when i help other people out
>>63709383
Why the fuck do you have to stuff your face at every possible moment. Can you maybe sit and watch the fucking movie without shoving popcorn down your gob.
Also, who in the sweet fuck is eating a movie theater burger and fries in a seat with no table. Eat after or before you fat fuck and STOP
I always grab extra napkins so I cant ghost wipe throughout the movie.
>>63709383
i wait until i can be the only one in the theatre and then smoke the whole time
I like to sneak in $50 worth of Taco Bell. With the wrappers full of lettuce, tomato, mayo, etc. I ball them up and toss them at the projector, screen, people, everything. I've perfected the technique to where I can make the wrapper stick to surfaces. The thought of some minimum wage slave climbing on a ladder to peel away the wrappers on the ceiling gets me hard.
>tfw i stay extra long just so when the employees get in to start cleaning i can throw my drinks in their faces and then piss everywhere
Gotta assert my dominance.
>>63712187
No. Im gonna sit right behind you, chewing my burger loudly and letting shit fall out of my mouth onto the floor. Then when im done, im gonna fart while flicking boogers at the back of your head
>>63712135
that goes without mentioning. If I see any leftover tubs of popcorn / drinks from anyone else I kickem over on my way out.
I once pissed on some seats at a theater. Me and a buddy were the only ones there. The Whole Nine Yards, I think.
I used to work in a movie theatre and actually agree with OP here (even though he’s still a faggot). Cleaning up other people’s shit was part of my fucking job. It’s precisely what I was paid for. Admittedly, I’d come across some disgusting things but I’d also stumble upon a lot of goodies that made the job worthwhile. For instance this one timewhen Kylo killed his father Han, I stumbled across over $300 worth of loose tens and twenties. They were just scattered all over an aisle as though someone’s wallet exploded! Good times.
>>63710419
who /sp/ here
>walking down aisle to my seat
>passing cute girl
>pretend to fall
>position myself so that I fall on her
>grope her as much as I can before her Chad helps me up
>>63712484
First of all, making messes literally keeps someone employed. They are literally employed to clean up my messes. In before "broken window fallacy" because nobody gets hurt here.
If I have to literally pay $10-$15 or more for a ticket plus $20 on top of that for a box of Jewjewbees and a Coke because banning outside food and creating what is essentially forced rarity is literally the only way you can make a profit, then it has become my right to do whatever I please with my product. You've done this to yourselves and you know it.
If I want to take a roaring dump in my popcorn bucket and literally dropkick it into the back at the end of the move, I'm going to do it.
If I think Natalie Portman is looking fine today, I'm going to masturbate to her and blow my man pudding all over the floor and the back of the seat in front of me.
You literally cannot stop me, theaters. Your security wouldn't pass even in a preschool for quadruple amputee children.
>>63712569
TSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
>>63712507
scandalous
>>63712466
You got me. Enjoy your reward, sir.
>tfw you actually snuck in crab legs once
>>63709383
Why the fuck do you buy food to watch a movie in the first place?
It's so fucking annoying earing plastic bags opening and mastication sounds all around you when you're trying to enjoy a movie.
Then the movie ends, you leave your seat and see this shit.
At worst, buy drink, but you can survive 2 hours without eating fine.
>>63709383
>You charge $16 for a burger, fries and a drink?
Burger, fries and drink at the cinema? What?
>>63712901
Not to mention the flecks of chewed food on the back of your neck. Especially if it's a comedy. With everyone in the theater eating at the same time, how much chewed food do you think gets spit everywhere during a funny scene?
>>63712974
>Not to mention the flecks of chewed food on the back of your neck. Especially if it's a comedy. With everyone in the theater eating at the same time, how much chewed food do you think gets spit everywhere during a funny scene?
3/10
>>63712484
you?
>>63712613
Underrated boast.
my popcorn diesnt even get eaten. i put my dick through a hole in the bottom. not so anyone will grab it, the little tickles of the kernals on my dick makes me do big cums.
>>63713144
Not really /sp/ I just go where the shitposting is strongest. Like a war photographer or a dung beetle.
>>63713288
>jays fan
>>63713288
>Bungles fan
Literally nothing worse than getting the cinema shits.
>>63713435
Having that one big black guy hogging up two showerheads in the cinema shower.
>>63709506
this
No one should feel sorry for the "floor team" or clean up crew. They're made up of the lowest of the low, dumbest pieces of retarded shit going.I worked in a cinema for about a month during my degree
>>63709383
Onions are the best part you unsophisticated charlatan
>>63713559
Tomatoes and onions are terrible.
>>63713674
>Tomatoes and onions are terrible.
>>63713945
I am an ADULT MAN and when I order a cheeseburger, I want nothing but cheese, meat, and bread on it.
>>63713945
Tomatoes are shit.
Onions are not.
>>63713288
same tbqh
>>63709383
Who the fuck eats at the cinema anyway? You're there to watch a movie.
>>63714368
It's a snack you FAG.
>>63713245
I thought I was the only one
>>63712484
TSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
>>63712275
id tell you to kill yourself but I know youre going to die early anyway you fat faggot.
>>63714475
>burger and fries
>snack
thats a meal, a snack is chips or something you fat fucking imbecile.
>>63709383
>burger, fries and a drink
This is masterful bait. Master bait, if you will.
Nobody can be this vile.
>>63714752
Anything can be a snack.
>>63709383
>mfw I wait until most of the theater has left before pouring the rest of my 64oz drink on the entire row
>>63711512
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVuBFQ_qstc
>>63714984
I prefer to chug my 96oz coke and hold it in until my bladder is about to burst before I piss fucking everywhere during the credits.
>>63715168
kek I remember seeing some old man randomly standing up during a movie and pissing. Why are all old people so fucking stupid?
>>63715306
They got that way raising you.
I visited a cinema in America during my roadtrip. You know what really surprised me? The mobility-scooter parking lots at the front of the theatre. Rows upon rows of rotund yanks sitting astride their scooters, watching the film at the front row. The scene was surreal.
>>63711896
Considering how far a dollar can go. Fuck 1.65 a gallon for gas in my area. You're not rich because you have disposable income, you're rich with your experiences mostly positive, negative have consequences one way or another.
Lmao I work usher/theater cleaner at my local theatre sometimes and honestly a big mess doesn't even faze me. The only people you're upsetting are the people who have to wait for the next showing outside while I finish the cleanup. Me? I'm munching on your leftover popcorn/candy and chatting it up with the boys on the usher crew.
The real hell job at a theatre is concessions. If you want to cause pain to employees simply change your order a lot. Make them prepare a hotdog and a cinnamon pretzel then decide you want popcorn with butter--no, I said without butter. Change the drink a few times as well. Then spill your drink all over the lobby floor as you walk to your movie and ask for a refill.
>>63712466
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>>63709383
>If you do this at a movie theater, fuck you. There is a trash can on the way out the door. Sincerely, the person cleaning up your mess
THERE HAS BEEN AN ASSHURTING.
HAVE YOU FELT IT?
>showerboi acts all uppity
>says he's on his period
that's not true, is it?
>>63712484
I've pooped in a movie theatre seat once and moved to another because I didn't want to miss scenes from a movie
>>63716769
I had the squirts one time in a movie. Was in the back so I just kinda half stood up, pulled my pants partway down, then sat back down with my popcorn bucket placed under me. Took a horribly pailful shit, then just moved a few seats over.
>>63718162
no wipe?
>>63718276
Yeah, I wiped with napkins.
Now that I think about it, there isn't a liquid that exists inside me that hasnt been on a theater floor
>>63718445
This. Everythings fair game once the lights go off
>>63712484
Proud /arse/ member here.
usually i wait until the end credits for the people that reversed seats to leave so i can have a super liquid shit in their seat and never get caught, i wipe with my underwear and throw it down the rows.
can't believe more people don't do this, it's comfy af
>>63718656
I like going when I'm sick, then leave snotty tissues all over the floor. A night at the movies for me is really more about the purge of my fluids than it is the movie itself
Any secrets/tricks to be more stealthy? Has anyone done this in a crowded theater?
>>63718917
Utilize the popcorn bucket. Bring extra tissues (when you think you have enough, grab a bunch more). Sit toward the back. Remember to go slowly so theres less chance of you being noticed, which will grant maximum saturation of your area.
>this entire thread
>this entire board
>this entire reality
>>63713945
Literally reddit
>tfw cinema just discontinued their kendo program at their gymnasium complex
>>63709383
>be that guy cleaning the theater
>find your wallet/money/whatever under the seat where your fat ass dropped it along with the mess you left
Thanks for the free lunch, asshole.I made more money cleaning up dropped stuff after big movies than I got paid for the time to do it.
>>63709651
how the fuck does your theater have a shower? where do you fucking live you privileged cunt
>>63712484
>>63712064
white castles make your farts smell exactly like white castle.
i think its the onions
>manager of a movie theatre
>company was negligent as fuck, made us work with shit equipment
>constantly raising prices
>They never checked on us
I started letting people in with whatever they wanted. Some good restaurants nearby. My only request when people did was that they throw their trash away on the way out and minimize their messes. Most people obliged, so thanks to them.
>>63721090
It's surprising how much money people drop. I don't even work at a theater but I wait until people leave and do a quick search around. I average 20-25$ every time. My biggest finding was a wallet with 300$ in it.
>>63710485
Naah senpai this pasta is just really fun and has some great banta
What makes me laugh is that those kind of people cry about people making a mess but you don't see cleaners complaining
>If you take a shit in the toilet, fuck you. You could just hold it in. Sincerely the toilet cleaner
>>63710219
can I pls post this on r/4chan?
>>63723303
I still do recon runs after movies.
Anyone asks, I tell them I'm looking for (insert random item here) and continue snagging stuff.
Best find: A literal cash roll of $50/20's that had rolled most of the way down the incline to the front seats, if the random bits of sticky on the outside $20 were any indication.
If it's a full show, odds are you'll at least get your ticket price back assuming the cleanup crew is slow or you're quick.
