Describe your dream cinema, /tv/.
Mine:
* leather seats
* hot food (choice between grilled and seafood, NO vegetarian options)
* wide selection of world beers and spirits
* seats have audio jacks for headphone users
* snacks and drinks delivered directly to seats via pneumatic tubes
* discounts for singles
* no couples policy
>crab legs
>showers
>falconry room
>selection of hot seafood
>discount's for fathers bringing along their wifes son.
>>63637741
>no couples policy
Heh, found the faggot who's too much of a bitch to get a bitch. I can't wait to send all you no gf having faggots off to the camps
>>63637930
Why? It's not like we're at a risk of reproducing.
>>63637930
This,singles WILL get BTFO in the near future and they know it
>>63637970
Because your mere existence is offensive to us normies. If you ain't got a bitch you ain't shit
>>63637869
>wifes son
Why does it still catch me off guard
>>63637741
>NO vegetarian options
What's wrong with occasional food without meat in it? Do you enjoy the constant constipation and meat shits?
>>63637993
What about people who were born single? 90% of singles are genetic.
>hot food
how and why the fuck are you gonna eat hot fucking food in the cinema
are you a fucking fatass or what
>>63637741
I can't really describe my dream cinema, but I know one I'd like to run.
>four screens
>two of them reserved for standard popcorn fare, two of them for "special engagement" older movies, decided through a public poll two weeks beforehand
>wide aisles
>reclining seats
>tables with decent selection of food
>headphone audio jacks
>strict as hell cell phone/talking policy, unless the movie is built for talking/is shit. Warning put up beforehand saying whether or not this is a "talking movie"
>>63637741
>only one seat
>screen acts as second monitor for laptop
>plenty of tissue paper
>just watch porn
>>63638037
Well, we'll leave that up to our scientiticans to tinker with singlgenics. It's a exciting new science designed to produce couples.
>>63638084
>What is Alamo Drafthouse
>What is Studio Movie Grill
>What is (lesser known) Flix Brewhouse
>What is AMC Dine-In Theaters
It's not exactly uncommon, guy.
My dream cinema would be something like Alamo Drafthouse only way more strict, and with no waiters walking around talking.
>everyone arrives early, the doors shut at exactly the time on your ticket says and no one is admitted after
>two employees are posted at the bottom of each side of the theater; their job is to constantly scan for anyone talking, whispering or crinkling plastic or cellophane
>absolutely zero tolerance policy for anyone talking for any reason, they are immediately ejected and not refunded
>well behaved, respectful citizens get to experience their film in peace
It would be perfect
>>63638228
Can we add executions for repeat offenders? Like someone got thrown out once, came back later and was caught fucking around again? Make it so everyone in the theater has to watch. The only thing is what method to use. I vote for hanging.
>>63638228
Basically describes a theater I worked at, at least with the everyone arrives early and the zero tolerance thing.
saunas and showers
>>63638272
Guillotine's the way to go, nigga.
>>63637741
>no vegetarian options
Edgy. Are you 12?
>>63637741
>recliners
>fresh fried appetizers all you can eat
>piss jug so I don't miss anything
>>63638332
Who's gonna clean that shit up?
>in b4 usher clean up copy and paste
>ottamans for all seats
>good food on the cheap
>shows exclusively comfy movies
>inflateable gf simulation devices for singles
>complimentary piss bottles
>no talking policy enforced by those exploding neck things from running man
>booze to temporarily supress the pain from knowing that she was the one and that you blew your only chance and that no matter what you do that the hole inside you will never be filled
>>63638464
You're not just gonna execute them on the bare floor like a savage. Use like canvas or some shit, put the head in a bucket.
it would have a no shit-skin policy.
>>63637741
>choice between grilled and seafood
>implying seafood cant be grilled
>implying grilled is a food category
End your """""""""life"""""""""
>>63638555
Fair enough, can't argue with those trips
>>63638580
Asking for surf and turf is Infraction #32: Crossing the Streams. First offense: written warning, second offense: lifetime ban.
>>63638092
>public poll
oh boy, i like the idea, but that just sounds like a recipe for disaster. i'd much rather have a closely curated selection that followed themes, patterns than an inevitable "classic" coen bros fest plus rocky horror.
>>63638272
Anyone thrown out would be added to the blacklist, there would be a database that the theater maintained and everyone buying tickets would be forced to present their ID along with their credit card so the box office person could run them against the blacklist
>>63637741
>no little kids allowed
>no mobiles allowed
>people who are talking loudly are shot in the head
>>63639010
But killing them in front of other patrons sends a stronger message of "we don't fuck around"
>>63637805
Kek
* crab legs
>>63638526
Iktf bro
>>63637741
seats upholstered with kevlar
Free complimentary drinks, popcorn and bulletproof vests.
>selection of loud foods
>mothers with babies go free
>wooden seats
>constant volume changes
>out of synch subtitles
>>63639301
>subtitles suggesting what black people should shout out
>>63639301
CRAWLING IN MY SHIT INTO PIECES
>>63639301
> inexpensive bean&meat taco packs
>>63639329
That should be standard in every theater.
*note if you are white and shout you will be thrown out with no refund
>>63638794
Oh, no, I mean like you're given the option between like 5 different films. Whichever one wins out, we show.
Halloween you have like The Thing, Shaun Of The Dead, Nightmare Before Christmas, etc.
>>63638794
I've been to a couple of independent cinemas that do this. They have theme weeks (Westerns, gangsters, whatever) and they let people vote on what to show next. But after a film is shown, you can no longer vote for it for a few months, so that every day isn't Citizen Kane day.
A dank and refurbished 1950's ONE SCREEN cinema, in a "down town" that is that old, in tone and architecture.
The seats are nearly all tables and chairs.
The back of the room, under the projection loft, is a full bar.
Behind that (the "front" of the cinema, but behind the "lobby") is a kitchen for cooking things like pizza and burgers, as well as popcorn.
There is only one screen so it is one movie a day. Around 7 or 8 PM. Depending on the runtime of the movie.
There is a different movie every night of the week, and on Wednesday nights, the movie is some sci-fi schlock, ranging from the 1950's to the present day, and across the entire globe. Whatever they could get that would tickle my fancy. On those nights, you do not have to pay to get in, you only have to order food/drink. Think MST3k, only with beer and pizza and as packed house.This is a real place and I go there in the real world during my real life.
>>63639514
>a nightmare before Christmas
>Halloween
>>63639617
Oi, fuck off m8
>>63639571
That sounds fucking killer.
>>63639704
It has Christmas in the title ya tosser
>>63639763
The majority of it's a Halloween flick ya cunt
>just one seat
>>63637805
That sounds like my local hum-drum cinema. What kind of hellhole do you live in?
>>63639809
Like ten minutes is dedicated to Halloween, twat. The rest is jack in Halloweentown trying to bring it Christmas.
>>63639704
It's very nice. Though, they're very heavy on the "don't bring food" because they serve their own, and on Wednesdays you're basically robbing them. The premise is you'll make up for the free movie by buying food. There are spotters in the loft who will send an usher if they see you with outside food.
I know it sounds like "falconry may-may" level of shit, but it's real. Girl I went with was eating chocolate-covered raisins from a baggie and they asked her to fork'em over, mid-first act.
She got them back at the end of the movie, though.The secret is to sneak your food in, inside the paper bags they serve popcorn in. Eat the popcorn and take the bag home. Boom.
>>63637741
>>63638092
>headphone/audio jack
why hasn't any theatre done this yet. that is a good fucking idea. normies could talk all through the movie and I wouldn't care since I brought my hi-fi noise cancelling headphones for a superior cinematic experience
>>63639875
We do have an owlery room but its only used during midnight screenings of Rocky Horror Picture Show.
>>63637741
I know i am on /tv/ but i never go to the theater.
>expensive
>uncomfortable
>noisy
>can be messy
>technical fuck ups
>1 billion issues involving other people
>children as ushers
>children as managers
fuck it.
>>63637741
>12 screens
>2 are "free" screens that are regular theater experience (pay for ticket and food, no outisde food, ect.)
>the rest are "premium" screens
>to get in you need a $20 monthly subscription card
>if you have a card you can bring additional people for $5 per person up to +3 people
>the only food served is popcorn and soda
>assigned seating
>chairs are comfy recliners with trays to put food on
>a counter above the screen that tells you when the movie is about to start
>once it starts the entrance doors are locked
>only exit is a door at the front near the screen that lead outside
>multiple ushers sitting in the back to watch for talkers/phones
>you can bring in food but if you leave a mess off the tray then you get a strike on your card
>wiping your hands off on the seat is a strike
>talking/eating too loud/using electronics gets you ejected and a strike
>resisting an ejection is two strikes
>three strikes and your card is revoked and you can't apply for another one until a year later
>the card you get after a year ban is a special red card that only has one strike
>if you get that one revoked you can never apply for a card again
>>63637741
>NO vegetarian
You're an asshole and that's coming from someone who shoves meat down his throat 24/7
>>63637741
>plushy soft seats
>lots of foot space
>dark wooden floor
>dim yellow light
>food option only salted / sweet popcorn
>huge red curtain in front of the screen that gets slowly lifted when the screening starts
>no trailers
![1393473232503[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/vXa3G3Y.jpg "1393473232503[1].jpg")
>>63637741
Dear god, I really hope you're just memeing because you sound like the most stereotypical tfw no gf neckbeard who is also fat
>>63640438
For me the sound in the theatre makes 50% of the movie, even at home when watching a movie I blast my surround system so the whole room is shaking
>>63638794
Yeah probably some fags from 4chan would make a robot and vote Bpku no Pico to the first place, it would be a much safer idea to pick like 10 movies and let the people vote on them.
>>63637741
>seats have audio jacks for headphone users
What would be the point of this? Are you retarded?
Here's some actually useful gimmick:
Glasses that project subtitles in the language of your choice or subs for deaf people so people can watch the movie unsubbed if the want to.
>>63639066
>no little kids allowed
Yeah, only grown intellectuals as me are allowed to watch frozen
>>63641973
Why are those chicks so flat?
>>63640526
Are you living in ethiopia?
>>63641973
Is it degenerate to masturbate to this?
>>63637741
>Describe your dream cinema
showcase at coatbridge near glasgow
it is by no means seems luxurious but it is very comfortable
>1 sofa to lie down on
>leather with seat warmer
>thick blanket
>someone to hold my drink so my hands dont get cold
>they have to be mute and breath silently
>fireplace in the back
>bottle of mulled wine instead of coke, warmed
>smells of cinnamon
>gf
>super comfy seats with no shared arm rests
>several regular 4K screens, an Imax theatre and a projector for actual film stock
>no food or drink allowed
>no talking/cell phones strictly enforced with expulsion and ban for repeat offenders
>headphone jacks on the seats
>plays current movies and every week is a different series of classic films, like the Rocky series or Kubrick, even some arthouse/schlock/rocky horror nights
>can suggest films that you want to see
>no kids under 7 admitted
>>63637741
>small screens in all stalls and in front of all urinals
>ticket has one of those scanable codes so you can watch your movie if you need to pee or poo
>>63639256
10/10 idea
>>63639256
screencap this
theater with assigned qt
you see those assigned seat screens where you choose your favorite? in this one you check everything you like in qts (hair color, type of eyes, ass density etc) and they bring the closest looking on from the qt storage, full gf experience with the price of a single ticket. if you collect a certain amoutn of points in your "e-z qt " card they let you up to one hour inside the storage without supervisionalso everything is consensual
You're allowed to jerk off freely.
>>63642109
Little kids in the theater are annoying as fuck though. It's perfectly reasonable to ban them from non kids movies.
In Germany we have PG6, 12, 16, 18 and kids aren't allowed to 16 or up which is a big relief.
You're still fucked if you go see a family film like Star Wars but you can just go to a late screening.
>>63642882
>theater with assigned qt
We allready have that you imbecile, it's called a whorehouse.
>>63643220
b-but this would be love coming from a fellow cinephile, it would be pure and innocent!
>>63637741
The one in my house that's cheap and exactly how I like it.
