>comedian comes up on stage
>he's holding a guitar
>comedian is sitting in front of a piano
>comedian's arms are sweaty from holding the mic in one hand for too long
>Comedian starts talking about women
>>63621206
>"comedian" is holding a puppet
>comedians come out
>comedian starts making jokes about how crazy people are for not liking Islam
>>63621352
This has literally never happened
>minority comedian whose entire set is about how they are a minority
>>63621206
>comedian unnecessarily injects politics into his standup
>comedian says goodnight and walks off stage
>comes back on 5 minutes of applause later
why?
>comedian is a woman and all of their jokes revolve around vaginas
>>63621555
>comes on stage
>first words are "HEYLOOO WHITE PEEPOL!"
>pencil necked comedian furtively scuffles to the mic, waving limp-wristedly to the crowd
>scattered applause
>"uhhh, the president is stupid"
>a few laughs
>"So is congress"
>audience is now simmering with hearty chuckles
>"politics amirite?"
>one guy goes into a coughing fit from laughing too hard
>>63621830
Only time they feel relevant
>comedian comes out and starts talking about black cock
>>63621878
>comedian jokes about stuff they know
Wow, who knew?
>>63621352
>>63621878
dumb frogposter
>>63622896
hello, reddit
>>63622896
Men seem to know about a much broader variety of topics than women, by this logic.
Are you saying men are smarter than women?
>comedian is a woman
>>63621352
Islam is the joke
>>63621206
>comedian starts to talk about shoes
>>63621206
> comedian spends the entire set pandering
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
>>63621206
HOL UP
*shits in street*
SO YOU SAYIN
*rapes tourist*
YO HOL UP SENPAI WATCHU SAYIN IS
*posts cringeworthy facebook status*
THAT WE GOTTA
*demands to see the manager*
THAT WE BE SUM
*tries to do aerobics in robes*
SUM SUM FINNA
*shits for 24th time in a day*
HOL UP SENPAI YOU SAYIN WE GOTTA
*immigrates to UK with his 17 kids*
POO IN LOO?????
*shits his pants*
>>63623013
> love someone
> get rape charges filed against me
wow, way to send mix signals bitch
>comedian kills his flow by stopping to drink water
>>63623641
>image.jpg
>stale shitpost
you should be banned on sight just out of principle
>>63621206
>comedian starts talking about atheism
>comedian talks about her genitals
>>63623715
You'll never stop me Pajeet
>>63623748
shitposting game james franco
Comedian unironically preaches their retarded opinion as fact knowing that it probably won't be refuted in their current circumstance
>>63623570
>woman comedian
that's what i believe is called an oxymoron
>Black Comedian comes up.
>His whole set is about being black and how it's different from being white, but also how white people are terrible.
>Woman Comedian comes up.
>She constantly brings up her period and how many guys she's fucked, or she's one of those "lol I'm awkward, sex is weird xd" comedians.
>Her set isn't funny regardless.
>>63621206
JUST
>>63621878
fucking this
>>63621878
VAGINA VAGINA
>Comedian has long as fuck set-ups, session ends up having 2-3 jokes
>All the jokes are shti
>Comedian assumes that just because him and his peers are eloquent (as the fucking job requires) they are deep and insightful individuals seeing the world from an special and unique point of view
Just end it now my man
>Comedian
> A NIGGER, A NIGGER , HE'S A NIGGER
>>63621206
I even play the fucking guitar but as soon as I see this kind of shit ever, even in passing, I know that "comedian" would better the world with committing suicide.
>Comedian steps on stage.
>Starts screaming angrily about how the world is fucked and how politicians are corrupt and acting extremely angry.
>This is supposed to be funny.
>he come out stew
>>63624729
>Rant about people needs to make a change, stop talking and start acting
>Doesn't do anything himself
>DUDE I'M SPREADING THE MESSAGE LMAO
Fuck off
>comedian finishes set
>walks off stage to applause and shouts
>thanks everybody! goodnight!
>i'm here all week!
>try the veal!
>comedian comes out on stage
>has a real great set
>2 years later
>comedian comes out on stage
>it's the same set
>>63624991
>Dice Clay
he took one comedy bit and stretched it over 40 years
>it's a comedian drinks a glass of water episode
>>63624991
>Comedian comes on stage spends most of the time of the special doing a joke he had already burnt on Conan on a longer and less funny way
Why Bill
>comedian carries a sketchpad, guitar, and stool on stage
>Comedian needs a glass of water set aside for him
>comedian goes on a rant about religion for 20 minutes to balance out the 20 minute long story with no punchline he just told
>rant is 2% him talking and the other 95% the audience clapping like retards and going "he's right! he's right!"
>>63623715
Shouldn't you be shitting in a street somewhere Rakesh?
>comedian has a puppet
>>63625052
He doesn't get pissed off anymore so he has nothing else to write about. The "ugh my wife" stuff was the last desperate attempt at recapturing that.
>>63625080
>stand up comedian has a stool
>>63625139
everyone, EVERYONE in my highschool class was sharing Jeff Dunham videos and laughing their asses off and I was the weirdo who liked Dave Chappelle
>>63625200
It's like I'm really on reddit!
>comedian comes on stage
>is negro from South Africa
>makes a few jokes of being a fish out of water in America
>spends next half hour preaching to the choir about dindu nuffins and how evil white people are
>all semblance of humor is abandoned in order to regurgitate generic liberal opinions
>applause never ceases because all audience members belong to same cult as performer
Where were you when Comedy Central was kill (again)?
>>63624866
>>try the veal!
>tfw no one on /tv/ cared that The League ended last week
>>63625169
>only one stool for his water
>glass is too cold to hold it inbetween hands and the seat is too small to sit in between da dick
>forced to stand up the entire time
>>63625139
Jeff Dunham enrages me. That dude is the most unfunny hack I've ever seen. And I frequently go to open mic nights in my small town.
>>63625200
Dave Chappeles standup is bad
>comedian is on netflix
>>63625253
well I guess my taste is weird because he's the only comedian to consistently make me laugh. I know Killing them softly and For what it's worth by heart
>>63625242
>makes it into a 10 minute long joke, shouting behind the curtain for someone to bring him another stool
>WADDAYA MEAN THERE ARE NO MORE STOOLS IN THE BUILDING
>audience laughs
>I'M LOOKING AT A BIG FAT STOOL NOW
>audience laughs
>comedian comes on stage
>makes a series of wild, pun-based nonsequitirs delivered in a cold deadpan
>doesn't taint his show with unnecessary attachments to weak ideologies
>only cares about the comedy-in-itself rather than pushing an agenda
>>63625253
No he's not. I like his stand up better than some episodes of chappelle show.
>>63625139
I remember liking Ken Dodd when I was younger. Not sure if he would hold up today and I don't want to risk ruining my memories of his stand up.
>>63625300
BIG
>>63625339
PUPPET
>>63625200
99% porcentage of todays listen to cr@p like Justin Shit&r if you are part of the %12 that still listens to REAL MUSIC:nirvana,metallica,linkin park, the list could go on!! give a like and share :)
#kendricklamar#metal
>that one clean comic who made you almost die laughing
you can admit it senpaitachi. What's his nameBrian Regan
>Comedian starts ranting about George Bush
>The special is from after 2008
>>63625402
Tim Vine.
>>63625384
you need to update your shitposting, Old man bieber is 2011 news
>>63625416
Stewart Francis is great at the rapid fire one liner thing as well, he goes a bit cruder though.
>>63625402
Ya that first 30 minute special he did for Comedy Central was hilarious.
>>63625306
>puns
>funny
you could become a comedian yourself pal
>>63625402
Tommy Cooper, jus' like that.
>>63625423
that one went over your head f.am
>>63625169
You sly dog
>tfw I can't listen to jimmy carr anymore since some fagget pointed out his laugh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlgkeLjryRU
>>63625305
>puppet comedian has camera man come on stage
>it "accidentally" bumps into the puppet
>crowd erupts into laughter
>puppet "says" this is on comedy central right?
>puppeteer says yes
>puppet "says" hey theres Kenny! Oh and they killed him
>audience's head's explode from the humor nodes gushing out at such a tremendous speed
This happened for real
>>63621206
>comedian comes up on stage
>start insulting the audience
I usually turn off the video at that point.
>>63625759
i remember this.My 85 year old half senile grandfather loves Jeff Dunham. That says a lot.
>>63622896
Found the woman.
Seriously this is not a place for you.
>>63625650
AH-HU-HU-HU-HU-HU-HU-HAH!
Remember that time Billy Crystal did the black jazz musician at The Katrina Benefit.
>>63625402
>Eddie Izard
And I'm pretty sure it was something like
>there are only two temperatures in the shower: fantaaaastically hot and fuckin freezing
Not funny at all written out, but his delivery, face, and overall showmanship kills me
>>63625769
>I still use videos
Is it popular to dislike Dave Chappelle here yet?
>comedian drinks during his set to show how he doesn't take anything too seriously
>>63625834
Yes,sorry im not paying a ticket to see some retard getting on stage and start arguing with the audience thinking its funny.
>>63625875
I was trying to make a joke about vhses you dip.
>>63625862
>but only has one and it looks watered down as fuck/ginger
>>63625849
Chappell is shit
>comedian is a fat fuck who eats too much and dies young denying the world his talent
the worst
>>63625326
Do Americans understand 100% of what he says? I'm a Eurofag and sometimes I don't understand him, he's accent is too thick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNQQwg_CLts
>>63625992
*his, I guess this confirms I'm just a retard language-wise.
>>63626013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv-7feBZtGQ
>>63626102
hoooly shit lady
>>63626102
AHM GOWNTAH TAWK ABOWT SHOOSE
>>63626102
>that many dislikes
does she bomb? I can't watch cringy stuff
>>63626191
see how long you can last fäm
>>63626102
To be fair female comedians being "funny" to a room full of people that don't find them funny/laugh out of pity is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
>>63626102
>>63626214
I can't get much further past the minute mark
>>63626214
>>63626263
30 seconds
yeah I'm a pussy. I had a hard time watching The Office but I could at least tell myself they were actors but this is the real deal
>>63626102
this is the first time in my life i have been unable to physically keep watching a video because of cringe
test
>>63626214
I watched the whole thing.
I smiled a little bit at the "the poster for the Devil Wears Prada would probably be different" bit.
>>63626370
But then she kept repeating "SHOES CAUSE SEXISM" in her shrill voice to try and get the audience to guffaw.
>>63626370
how
>>63626102
you have to say though, this is a terrible place for comedy
she's so close to the audience that the front row could be giving her a pelvic exam, the audience is lit like a Christmas tree, the room looks like a sound studio designed to ABSORB sound instead of amplify it like a concert hall or a club.
>comedian comes on stage
>regurgitates memes to a dive bar crowd
>no one laughs
Which one of you faggots was this? Couldn't even hold my drink down.
>>63626431
t. Nadia Kamil
>>63626102
I'm not watching that again, not a big fan of PTSD
>>63626102
that's one cringe video i'll NEVER get through.
>>63621206
>humourist singers
>not GOAT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TIThr-HTts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTDZjQvPW1E
>comedian got all dressed-up for his special
>it's on CD
>untalented, unfunny hack tries to convince me that the comedy industry is cutthroat and near impossible to get into
>>63626102
soul crushing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPdFrW076R0
Now what?
>>63626102
>people cant sit through the whole thing
If you literally cant sit though a 4 minute cringe either you have add or just babby tier discipline iibphwy
>>63625815
love that guy
>comedian comes up on stage
>she
Grab my coat, honey, we're seeing a movie.
>>63626946
what is the "comedy industry"? The local open mic club isn't hard to get into
>>63627034
I "can" sit through it, I "can" watch snuff films, but why would I when I would prefer not to?
>>63625650
Yeah I can't stand it. It's so forced
>>63627292
I was specifically referring to the people that said they can't. Not everything is about you, even though you are special in your own special way :)
>>63626102
>all these replies
It's not that bad ƒam. Not hilarious, not even that funny, but it's not bad. I gave a couple of these throughout her routine.
>Person of colour walks up on stage
>"Yup.... that's right... i'm not white! :O"
>Audience forces out a few chuckles...as if a non white comedian is something new or something
>Women walks up on stage
>Makes sarcastic comment about how women ain't funny
>Audiences proceeds not to laugh the whole time as she talks about her sex life and periods
>>63627314
ha-ha-ha-ha
clap clap clap clap
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nILg35Hubt4
>comedian walks on stage
>tells a story about how he met Ridley Scott and got called a "fuckin paki cunt bastid" for 5 minutes.
>>63627376
>Women walks up on stage
>SO I WAS BANGING 5 BLACK DUDES, THEN I CALLED MY MOTHER AND CALLED HER A WHORE
>Audience dies of raucous laughter
>>63627036
He's a tranny. Female to male. So technically the funniest comedian to me is a woman
>>63627410
What the fuck? No he isn't you retard. He's a transvestite. You know what that means, right?
>>63627425
Enlighten us. Because he has a bit about being a woman
>>63627580
It means he is a cross-dresser. Like a drag-queen.
>>63627641
Its 2015 gender isn't defined. SHE is the funniest comedian
>>63627672
>SHE
>using gener-binary pronouns
are you aware of how many years have passed since we decided on the first year of our current calendar?
>>63627672
>>63627702
>>63627672
I'm the funniest comedian you oppresive neo-nazi, my pronouns are motherfucker and majesty.
Remember to support my patreon
>>63627702
>>63627672
>Tfw Norm is fuckign idiot and won't release another special ever because of fucking Jay Lenon
>>63626102
DELETE THIS
>>63621878
>comedian is a man and all his jokes revolve around penises
>>63627580
Go watch Dress to Kill. He talks about not telling the other boys he was a transvestite because he didn't want to be killed with sticks, how he wanted to marry a woman made of breasts, and a story about him thinking he lost his virginity until the girl told him premature ejaculation didn't count.
Premature ejaculation bit: https://youtu.be/cIE7BOhIL7I?t=5932
Not a tranny, just a crossdresser.
>>63628041
1:38:40 if the video doesn't start in the right place.
>jokes about being a huge starwars nerd
>makes storm troopers have terrible aim joke
"nerd" comedians are the worst
What about Steve Martin's Standup? /tv/ never talks about it. I was never a huge fan of his movies but damn some of his standup was amazing. Not sure why he did so much banjo though.
>>63627580
>>63627672
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY5Gh3R8yXQ
Yep, sure does look like a woman to me, senpai!
baka
>>63628168
or
>wears a Han shot first shirt
>>63625402
Great Fucking taste, senpai
>>63625402
every time
>>63627803
Feels bad
>dane cook is funny
>seth macfarlane is funny
>daniel tosh is funny
>>63628428
Dude made balloon animals funny, he's great.
>>63628168
Hey guys
>comedian comes on stage
>wearing oversized baggy pants with suspenders and a fake arrow through his head
>>63621206
>comedian pulls out watermelon and sledgehammer
>wake up
>i'm still alive
>comedian comes up on stage
>starts redpilling the audience
>He doesn't like bill bailey
uhm
>>63623641
You're not even trying to make him sound Indian
SO HOLD ON BOSS
*shakes head*
WHAT YOU SAYINGS
*works in call center*
YOU TELLINGS ME WE WILL
*does Bollywood dance*
THEES TINGS WE ARE DOING
*worships cow*
WHAT YOU SAYING BOSS
*opens convenience store*
WHAT IS HAPPENINGS IS
*shits in designated street*
DOING POO IN THE LOO
>>63631915
he's shit m8
ironically the only thing of his I've enjoyed watching is when he played jazz piano
>>63621206
>Female comedian comes on stage
>She's holding a ukulele
fucking kill me
>>63628168
They are the worst not because they're ""nerds"" but because they go for the most bottom of the barrel nerd jokes that everyone has heard 100 times before. A real nerd joke wouldn't work because it'd be about some obscure shit only nerds care about.
>comedian is a jew who makes fun of Jesus
>Comedian is under the age of 40
>Comedian originally made gag videos on facebook and now sells out theatres for their "comedy"
>>63627968
Literally never happens unless the guy is a faggot.
>>63632681
Louis CK never stops talking about them.
>>63631915
Mate, Bailey's style of musical comedy works because because a lot of the humour is in the musicality rather than the lyrical content.
He's a genuinely hilarious guy who seriously knows his shit when it comes to playing his instruments AND musical theory. Most musical comedians just take a couple months of guitar lessons to distract from their terrible writing.
>>63631915
There's a difference between Bill Bailey and shit like Stephen Lynch.
Bill's jokes come from musical theory and its applications to well known tracks, as well as coming up with his own stuff.
And while I'm at it, fuck Tim Minchin as well.
>>63621206
>"comedian" isn't either british nor jewish
>>63621262
Holding the mic like a fucking chopstick
>>63632436
Still shit
>>63625306
>pun-based nonsequitirs delivered in a cold
KILL YOURSELF
I
L
L
Y
O
U
R
S
E
L
F
>>63625402
John Mulaney
>>63626102
I get cancer every time I watch this. Jesus Christ.
I always had this idea for if i was a comedian.
>walk on stage with guitar
>'oh i dont actually play this'
>'sorry'
>applause
>>63636056
I think someone already did something similar, he had the guitar the whole time and he never uses it or mentions it.
>>63626102
ALL THE ANIMALS THAT LIVE IN THE RIIIIVVVEERR
>comedian l walks out
>"y-know folks..."
>>63626102
ive seen worse 2bh w you f@m
>nonwhite "person" steps out on stage
D R O P P E D
>>63621206
Dumb Spongeposter
>>63625402
Agreed
Also people may not like Dmitri Martin here but he's still pretty clever and relatively clean.
>I've been doing a lot of people watching
>Mostly this one woman in particular
>>63621206
>black transexual muslim communist student comes out
>doesn't mention any of these things and just tells jokes relatable by everybody
>>63624431
>comedian is not a racist
>that's what's so insane about this
![349156_full[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/at8XStq.jpg "349156_full[1].jpg")
Jeff > Bill > Ron >>>>>>>>> Shit/Piss/Cum >>>>>>>>>>> Larry
>>63639079
the shit i took this morning > all four of those hacks
>>63639116
the shit i took this morning > all four of those hacks > you
pretty sad when you think about it
>>63639116
Ron White is funny
>>63639079
Ron>Jeff=Bill(not enough space for all the >s)Larry
>>63632705
>unless the guy is a faggot
Literacy kind of stipulates that you read things from start to finish, tripfag
>comedian comes on stage
>slowly gets funnier the longer he goes and the more he drinks
>comedian comes on stage
>dies
>>63625230
Idk who/what you're talking about but are you sure they weren't just laughing at his accent? South Africans always sound funny.
>comedian comes up on stage
>he's holding a sledgehammer and watermelon
>>63625306
>comedian comes on stage
>tells surreal stories and cleverly uses misdirection to create humour
>put up with his irritating delivery style because the jokes are so good
>>63626102
This is fucking hilarious. What a fucking idiot. I love whoever convinced this dumb cunt she was funny.
>>63621408
Stewart Lee
>>63638979
lol
>>63626102
EECCCHHHH
>Sam Hyde comes on stage
>starts out by mocking stereotypes
>begins earnestly advocating for people to prepare for a coming race war
>is not joking
hoo boy
>Everyone please give a warm welcome to [comedian]!
>5 minutes of uninterrupted cheering and applause
>"Thank y-"
>cut off by another 3 minutes of cheering
>"Tha-"
>another minute of cheering
>"Thank you, wow, how can i ever live up to that"
>"so recently i got married had a kid am hosting my own show went to a charity beat cancer smoked weed"
>the remainder of the show is uninterrupted cheering for 50 minutes
