Alright, here's a script that I wrote about six years ago.
I wrote it on the final draft trial software, in three different files.
I just stitched it together in Final Draft so, some of the character's names might change.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1IRh9lXw_upSTNyQndacHcxQTA/view?usp=sharing
BUMPTY
Also, nyu grad from last night, get a pot of tea on and get in here.
Bumpsman
Get in here you brit
daily reminder that you will never be a successful screenwriter
>>63490319
Fuck off with your bad vibes man.
>>63490319
Jokes on you. I'm reminded every morning I wake up.
>>63489324
What kind of an asshole writes a screenplay with a title called "Screenplay"?
>>63490319
>daily reminder that you will never be a successful screenwriter
Define success.
If I can achieve a cult web following for one 20 minute short, I'll be happier then Doge Walker, James Nintendokek and Fuck-his-mother Mike every day for the rest of my life.
>>63490366
Alright, well, I was hoping people would discuss my script, but any thread activity is helping.
Bumptover
>>63490465
I think it's impossible for me to read your script on the server computer, and since I'm stuck at work for the next few months, I will be completely incapable of reading it unless I breach my contract and leave the building.
>>63491078
Pastebin link, pls?
>>63491078
Are you in the Film Paycheck? If so, keep in mind that the film is based on a short story by Phil Dick, who also believed in a vast intelligent life form that he called VALIS for Vast Active LIving Intelligence System.
>>63491140
>Are you in the Film Paycheck?
I don't know what you mean, but I've heard good things about Phillip K Dick. I stopped reading VALIS a few pages in because I got irritated reading a story about a bunch of dumb "enlightened" junkies but maybe I put it down too quickly.
>>63491110
You want me to paste my script in pastebin? Do I need an account?
>>63491246
>You want me to paste my script in pastebin? Do I need an account?
Nope.
>>63491231
The film paycheck was about a guy who was essentially limited to one R&D compound for a year and then had his memory wiped when he was done doing the work he was comissioned for
>/swg/
>No Bill's tip
Dropped
He turns to look at.... the man? Give him a name, because you switch from the man to the man. You'll probably name him later anyway, so just give him his name now.
You don't even have a scene header at the bottom of this page. Just Int. Did you even proofread?
When the fuck is this story going to start? You spend like five pages jumping between confusing scenes that we don't give half a shit about. If it's 30 pages you better have some conventional narrative, but right now Janice don't give a fuck.
Kidding. too drunk to read it now.
>>63491282
>The film paycheck was about a guy who was essentially limited to one R&D compound for a year and then had his memory wiped when he was done doing the work he was comissioned for
I don't know what that has to do with me. I'm just stuck on a computer in server farm for a small retarded company that cuts weird fucking corners like giving me an HD monitor but restricting me to a text-only Operating System.
Pays pretty good, though.
>>63491360
You said you were at work for a few months, and that leaving would breach contract.
I'm drawing parallels between two draconian situations where an employee is asked to sign away freedom
>>63491352
Yeah, he is looking at himself and then back at himself. It is like he looks into the stream and sees himself there, happy, and the man in the scene looks back at himself.
>>63491454
>I'm drawing parallels between two draconian situations where an employee is asked to sign away freedom
Ah.
>>63491454
pastebin link, please?
>>63491589
http://pastebin.com/HPrui7E6
Bampsmear
>>63489324
This is a small thing, but your scene headings are wrong.
It's not INT. NIGHT. PARKING LOT
It's: INT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Something I'm doing to film a gunfight scene.
>https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6uwaxNQt5HRaGVheWhXYUpTYk0/view?usp=sharing
Didn't change it from yesterday.
>>63493397
Damn, I have to change all of them
Anyway, I'm not real optimistic on this ever getting made. I know all of the meaning in it and how much it means to me but could I call David Lynch and tell him it is a good script? Prolly not
>>63493749
At that point, you either make it yourself or go through extensive rewrites. I'd stick with the former, but for greatest effect do both.
I started writing a script a while ago, but immediately jumped to a different one for reasons.
Now, all I have is the title (Ringer) and an opening shot of a guy in a torn-up business suit running through a forest. Not sure where to go from there.
Also considering writing a version of one of those surreal Cinema greentexts, and filming it at one of the theaters near me.
>>63494072
I wouldn't recommend writing without a full outline. Once the structure is in place, it gets more difficult to change small things without making big structure changes.
Remember that if you know the end of your story or at least the point of it writing becomes way more easier
>>63494112
Fair point, but I'm not really an outlining kind of person.
Then again, none of the scripts I've posted here have been any good, so...
>>63490408
It's just the default image for /swg/.
>>63490319
I figured.
I have 2 real shit short screenplays about finished. But the ideas my heart is set on seem too big for me to even handle...
>>63494989
Here's a Korben
>>63495020
Whatcha got so far? How close to finishing on both?
>>63495027
Thanks famm.
Also, I'm trying to write a silent screenplay that has a bit of a Terminator feel. I'm probably gonna scrap the draft I have and start from scratch.
>>63495020
Dude I am writing something that lasts 100 years, just follow your heart and write your thing while you have the inspiration for it
I tried posting my own bread but people had no redeemable comments whatsoever.
You guys want to see the poster for my first upcoming short, and tell me if its any good?
>>63495603
Is it the one called ID?
>>63495603
Prisoner?
>>63495691
Yeah.
I'm not saying its anything special, just wanted some feedback on how I could make a better one. Posters are usually first impressions for most.
>>63495793
Does it convey the tone of the short itself?
>>63495793
Who wrote your soundtrack?
What does it take to get replies in these threads, damn
>>63496130
a crane
>>63496130
a script. Also, if you posted your script earlier, I read it last night and commented on it.
>>63495957
I think it sets the tone pretty well and is on par with the what we've edited so far.
>>63496011
Thanks, I didn't think of that actually.
>>63495793
Are you the retard that was just whining because you weren't getting your dick sucked and your ego praised by /tv/?
>https://archive.4plebs.org/tv/thread/63495529/
>https://archive.4plebs.org/tv/thread/63487889/#63487889
Jesus fucking christ, you act like everyone here owes you a fucking blowjob. I'm guessing your film isn't worth a fucking damn because of how big of a douchebag you come across as.
>>63496149
Oh cool, thanks for that.
>>63496194
Well that wasn't me so that's good I guess.
bump
Writing an action screenplay about a small forces group who defends assassination targets. I think the throughline of the characters is solid but I'm not sure if I want to devote too much time to topical/political themes or just go with the main story and focus directly on the characters. Would my story suffer too much if it existed in a vacuum or can I get away with it as long as the core story is well constructed? I wanted to criticize the concept of hero worship and how it affects our perception of people in the military, but we really don't have a lot of "heroes" these days and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
Not sure which is more sellable these days, a topical "meaningful" story, or a simple but more general story. Either way I have some good (at least I think) action scenes set up for it and some decent character interaction/progression between the 5 or so main characters.
>>63496992
If you're looking to sell, then absolutely go for the simple story.
>>63494144
>I'm not really an outlining person
What you mean to say is you're not really a writing person. Writing is 90% pre-write and 10% writing.
>>63497509
I'll be honest, I can't argue with that. Writing's not really my strong suit, but then I can't really say directing is either because I have nothing that's particularly good that I've directed.
A couple shorts does not a career make.
Well, it's almost 2AM so I'mma turn in now.
Keep writing, friends.
>>63489324
Only 33 pages? Are most scripts this short?
>>63497102
Alright, I'll go with that then. Kinda unsure when all the social justice stuff is going on, but the more I think about it the more the script falls apart in that category so I might as well bang it out as a big dumb action movie with mildly intelligent themes.
>>63497848
Generally, the formula's 1 page= 1 minute.
>>63496130
>>63489324
These threads usually dont live long enough for indepth feedback and there is no real filesharing.
This isnt the right format for feedback. Unless you are looking for quick and instantly gratifying comments.
Your best bet if you are serious is to ask in the skype group. You can add wazzaup92 and ask him to add you.
