>The problem with 99% of all unsold/unmade screenplays...is that they aren't excellent. That's all. And then all the chatter is just rationalizing. Note: I did not say they suck. Or even that they are bad. Some are quite good. But good is not good enough. Your screenplay has to be excellent. It has to have a story that's compelling, so compelling that the reader waits to eat dinner or turn on Howard Stern or go in the other room and have sex. It has to have dialog that actors will fight each other to say. It has to have a few moments that make someone want to email someone else to say: I just read this scene that's so twisted or funny or dark or sexy or insane or brutal or magical. It has to fucking announce itself the way Obama with his 2004 convention speech. I can tell you why each and every one of my original screenplays that got made got made. And I can tell you why the ones that didn't, didn't. Just flipping write. And send em out. People, friends of mine, will say 'it's harder now' 'more difficult, fewer buyers.' All true. But it was always hard. I remember the year we sold our first spec a stat came out that 90 scripts had sold out of 100,000 submitted. And that out of those 13 were made. If I had known those odds, maybe I wouldn't have started. Now everyone knows those odds. And I understand that it's daunting. if you can be happy doing anything else, do it. But please, if you do this, stop trying to look for the Magic Formula. There is none. There is only your natural curiosity, enthusiasm, intellect, vocabulary, people skills, sense of humor, and critical thinking ability. And then, most importantly is the discipline to shut the world out--the 'rules' guidelines, advice, harsh realities--to sit down and write every single day. Guess what: you can sell your first screenplay. You can use voiceover. You can use We See. You can do whatever the fuck you want to. If you do it so well that it is undeniable. Anything less and it probably won't happen.
Tbhfam, I think creative shit might be my calling in life and if I don't succeed I'll kill myself. I know you gotta put in work and shit and I plan to because it's all I got.
Scott Myers once wrote wrote that the chances for getting a spec script sold were anywhere from 1 in 1,100 to 5,000 to 1. To be quite frank, those are pretty decent odds.
Anyone writing anything good?
>>63456535
Think about it this way: you're probably going to be an unmitigated failure no matter what life choices you make. In the end no one will remember you and you'll likely die penniless. You might as well waste your life doing something you love, and hey, there's a chance you MIGHT even win big!
>running a Pathfinder game
>the players don't stick to your script
Every time.
>>63456706
Wrong thread. Not even right board. You know you're in /tv/, right, anon?
>>63456651
Yeah that's my mantra now. After community college I'm gonna be a wagekuck and do my music composimg and teleplay writing on the side and just keep at it.
>https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6uwaxNQt5HRaGVheWhXYUpTYk0/view?usp=sharing
A quick three-page short film. Wanted to do a gunfight, and I wanted a little story around it.
>>63456731
I'm in the script thread.
What's the point in writing a script if players decide "fuck the plot" and veer off elsewhere?
>>63457298
Well, that's not really our turf. We're talking specifically about screenwriting, not scripting for games.
>>63457298
>>63456764
It's a dumb mantra. I don't see why you're in this if you're not in it to win it.
>>63457330
I've asked about this kind of thing in /swg/ before. Turns out quite a few people run RPGs here.
>>63457403
Huh, never knew.
>>63457298
This isn't the right thread for this, but railroading your players is a shitty way to GM.
>>63455652
>The problem with 99% of all unsold/unmade screenplays...is that they aren't excellent.
Yes, that's why all movies are excellent.
>>63457441
It depends on play style.
What if you have the most amazing story laid out that players will definitely enjoy? They can speak whatever dialogue and perform some flourishes within the script, plus there might be combat, traps, the usual RPG stuff, what's wrong with that?
Going "off the rails" (notice how it's always on purpose) is bad playing.
>>The problem with 99% of all unsold/unmade screenplays...is that they aren't excellent. That's all.
>Dead forest's worth of absolute SHITE goes into production every year.
It's part luck, PART connections; part creativity and part originality. The size of those parts can vary.
>>63457010
You say we're in a car, so I imagine the back seat since there's three of them (Simon and guards). But then you say Manny sits across from him, and it's confusing. At least mention if the car in the action so I understand what's going on.
Either is a weird word. No one really uses it to mean "both," so you should say "on both sides."
Don't stop using the DAY/NIGHT in scene headers.
Stop with the wrylies. (disbelief), (quiet), (nervous)... it's too much. Let the actors/director figure it out.
You don't need to put (cont.) every time. If you really want, put it on the same line as LEON.
>Simon quickly analyzes every thug, noting everything to the last detail
Tell us. What does he see? The hairs coming out of their nose? The semen stains on their trousers? Tell us what we see.
Some of this action feels weird. You make it seem like they're all very close to each other, especially when Simon "shoots another thug, slips behind him."
>knowing every move the thugs make before they make them
I'm not so sure about this line. I get that you want to make it seem fast and calculated, but this line isn't helping because I'm not sure how to visualize this.
I can't really say, as I'm no authority on writing action. It mostly seems fine.
>>63457489
>>63457298
>>63456706
stop talking.
https://studios.amazon.com/help/submission-guidelines
Come on /tv/, lets make a movie/series together.
>>63457464
It's never the writer's fault.
>>63457489
>bad playing
The only bad playing for a GM is not playing at all. Be glad someone wants to play with you, anon.
>>63457704
Yes, it is.
Or are you implying the plane scene in TDKR was the actors faults?
>>63456613
I started writing a school shooter script, about a guy who gets tackled into a wall before his rampge can begin. Focuses on him in a hospital bed talking to the guy who tackled him.
Unfortunately, I'm shit at dialogue, so it's not the best. Gonna have to start rewriting at some point.
>The problem with 99% of all unsold/unmade screenplays...is that they aren't excellent. That's all. And then all the chatter is just rationalizing
Oh bull fucking shit.
What garbage. What hogwash. What self embellishing NONSENSE. "Luck didn't play a factor in my success, it was all my amazing skill, the likes of which ELUDE others! Go see the movie based on my revolutionary screenplay, "Frankenstein meets the Wolf-Man", in theatres now!"
God I need to break into this industry. I need to prove that these published assholes are just spewing a bunch of nonsense.
My work ethic's there, and I'm half Jewish. My family has money. Maybe I should just go to LA.
I wrote a fucking one thousand two hundred and ninety one page novel in three years, I wrote a 120k manuscript in six months.
The average screenplay should be no more challenging. Man, fuck the quote in the OP. I've never been this angry before. I just wanted to shitpost about Star Wars but GODDAMN
>>63457845
>The average screenplay should be no more challenging
Tbhfam, from the sounds of it you might have a load of trouble. 1,291 page novel? You think you can fit that deep a story into less than a 10th of that?
>>63457704
Editing, mixing, acting, directing can make great dialog shit and vice versa
>>63457704
The writer has to shoulder at least part of the blame. Damon Lindelof proves that.
>>63457670
Thanks, this helps a bit.
I'm not exactly adept at writing action, but it was a nice break from continually attempting and failing to understand how humans talk.
Anyone ever submit to Amazon Studios? What's that like? It seems like there's no reason not to.
>>63457845
Dipshit, the quote doesn't say "if your script is excellent, it will be produced, therefore all movies had excellent scripts". The quote says THE PROBLEM WITH MOST UNSOLD SCREENPLAYS IS THAT THEY AREN'T EXCELLENT. In other words, they're knocked out in the first round with nothing to rescue them, unlike "Frankenstein meets the Wolf-Man", which might have any number of circumstances promoting it (off the top of my head, it's based on two existing IPs and so, including crossover films, has three separate backlogs of success stories to motivate its production).
Meanwhile, MOST UNSOLD SCREENPLAYS ARE SPEC SCRIPTS. Your interpretation of that quote completely ignores the point of it, which is that there's a phenomenal amount of people out there wanting to get into screenwriting, and most of them are sitting in their houses and have never had any contact whatsoever with filmmaking, let alone the industry, and thanks to them there's an outstanding, overwhelming amount of screenplays, and MOST OF THEM ARE SHIT.
The point you're supposed to take away is to do better and rise above, not "look at all the bad movies out there, if they got made my movie deserves to be made too". Because the truth is, your script is most likely just as bad - hell, worse - than Frankenstein meets the Wolf-Man.
And I mean your script specifically, anon. It's probably shit. You wrote a thousand-page novel without any published works under your belt: that speaks to an amateurish outlook on the art where volume equals quality, and makes you sound like the kind of people who are treating writing as a self-gratifying hobby rather than a craft, someone who's not interested in entertaining or artistry but is simply piling on the words and the hours, self-indulgently, unproductively. Concision is the first rule, dipshit.
By the way, 120k in six months is not impressive
>>63458416
I'm considering it.
Do movies with "it was a dream the whole time" endings suck dick?
My screenplay idea is about a guy who's major flaw is that he's boring as shit and can't tell stories. Then a grand adventure occurs where the guy gains an elevated position because he tells a fantastic story, becoming a legendary storyteller. In the end though, it turns out that the whole thing is just a story he's telling to his friends to prove that he's not a shit story-teller.
>>63459333
hallmark-tier
>>63458634
And how many scripts have you sold, Anon?
>>63459333
Yes. Unless it's Inception, there's not a single good movie with that ending.
>>63459544
If you include the film "Inception", then there are zero good movies with that ending.
>>63459395
Two sold, four optioned.
>>63459395
Cartman is a fucking disgusting fat fuck
>>63459577
Prove it.
>>63459333
Is this post satire?
>>63459562
Fair enough.
>>63459625
I'm new at the craft. There's movies with similar twists that have worked. Why be so elitist?
>>63459577
Oh, ok. Mind linking me their IMBD page?
Oh wait, hold on, let me guess. "The studio bought the scripts but ultimately decided not to go ahead with the project."
>>63459695
Nah, it's just that that's one of the single biggest cliches in screenwriting. It's a really cheap attempt at shocking the audience, and since it's been done so many times before it just makes an audience groan when they see it.
Kind of like how everyone in the theater audibly groaned when M. Night Shyamylan's name came up in front of the Devil trailer.
>>63459577
>>63459813
Prove it.
>>63459619
5k and I'll give you the names of the scripts, another 25k and I'll link you the sales.
Keep looking for irrelevant reasons to reject the truth.
>>63459858
I don't wanna reject the truth, I'm just legitimately curious.
>>63459577
There is nobody successful on /tv/, shut the fuck up
>>63459858
Hilarious. You accuse me of rejecting the truth when all I'm asking you to do is to verify your claims.
>>63459822
Ah well. It was just an idea I was throwing around. The other ending idea simply had him finally assuming the hero that his story-telling made him to be.
>>63459695
I'm sorry. I just meant that stories about people who are bad at telling stories feels like writers who end up writing about failed screenwriters.
It's not necessarily bad.
>>63459858
You know, if Max Landis of all people can muster up the courage to post here, I don't see the danger in you telling us who you are and what you made.
Unless, of course, you're a fucking liar.
>>63459927
I saw James Gunn in a thread a while back, he was pretty cool.
>>63459875
Fine. It's me, Damon Lindeloff, ask me anything.
.
>>63460097
Kek
>>63460097
It's b8, but I like this kind of thing.
Why did you fuck up Tomorrowland?
Working on a simple horror script. No jump scares or any shit like that. Plan on it being produced as a short film, no more than 10-15 minutes, but still have flexibility to be turned into a feature length piece at a later date. It's going to heavily rely on visual story telling with minimal dialogue and a jarring/creepy soundtrack to build atmosphere. It involves skinwalkers and a camping trip in the mountains, loosely based on some /x/'s skinwalker stories.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDKv8oLEXOg
Been listening to link for inspiration on the tone and atmosphere I want to achieve.
>>63459839
I'm steven barton ask me anything. also one of them was bought but never made.
>>63459875
If you're curious, go read more and don't have this reaction >>63457845
>>63459954
>>63460025
You know, if you invent conditions for people's behavior without any logical basis or function but your own satisfaction, you can ignore anything that conflicts with your comfort.
>>63459333
Sounds like it's based on Big Fish with a less satisfying ending
>>63460424
Blah blah blah. You made a claim, you can very easily prove the claim, but you babble on instead.
>>63460616
>very easily
Its pretty easy to flush a pound of pot down a toilet but you don't see a lot of people doing it.
>>63457670
As for the car thing, I was thinking something along the lines of this scene in Crank 2
>http://youtu.be/bVZ_-0df7XE
>>63460146
Because.
>>63460097
YOU FUCKING FAGGOT I HATE YOU, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE IN THIS INDUSTRY
>>63460676
I can live with that.
>>63457010
Could I get some more critique on this?
>>63460616
Oh it's my babbling you're tired of? Alright bye bye, good luck with your career :)
>>63460655
>>63460860
You're just being salty now, nigga.
>>63455652
What fucking dreamworld is the person who wrote this living in?
The smallest fraction of movies coming out have anything resembling a competent script, much less a good one, much less an excellent one.
>>63460664
They're called limos.
>>63460986
Hey shut the fuck up, it's great advice. I sold 4 scripts I know what I'm talking about.
>>63461008
I gathered. Easy enough fix
>>63460818
>https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6uwaxNQt5HRaGVheWhXYUpTYk0/view?usp=sharing
Leon is holding Simon and then a thug is supposed to shoot Simon in the head without hitting leon?
In an alley? For no reason? Simon can't just call Manny on the phone?
This script makes sense to you?
It would be funnier if the thug Kills Simon and maims Leon in the process.
Anyway, I see no reason WHATSOEVER to care about any of these characters because its like watching a scripted football game. Whoever is strongest wins and whoever the writer picks to be strongest is going to be the winner... so it is pointless.
Why doesn't /tv/ write a script?
I know a few years ago we started one or something.
>>63460818
Also, guns are essentially the lowest form of human interaction. You could film a short scene where people in a line just shoot each other and it would probably get more people's attention than the script you wrote. (You said that you were writing it to get some experience filming a gun scene.)
What I mean is, there is no need to involve some convoluted mind pill in the action. All you need is a reason for someone to use a gun on someone else. For tips on how that works, check out the ghetto.
>>63460818
Even if all you did was to get rid of the pill idea, this could be a cool scene. Simon becomes a special ops guy who has a lot of training. That is why he is good at disarming people.
>>63461189
Let's start one right now, what setting do you want?
>>63461384
Sci-fi?
>>63461384
plane
first page
>>63461731
>>63461567
How do we combine plane + sci fi?
>>63461766
pag 2
>>63461819
page three
>>63461859
>>63461819
>>63461766
this is terrible. please stop.
>>63461859
page 4
>>63461768
A political drama about airplane companies starting their own space travel turism agencies, airplane companies trying to outstand each other, fucking each other, manipulating people, etc, etc.
>>63461910
age V
>>63461949
SIX
>>63461994
SE7EN
>>63462060
8
should i contact the author and ask for permission to adapt this work of art?
>>63462097
Just fucking post a google drive link.
>>63462143
Just steal it
>>63462164
Nein
With my name on the drive? Uh, no thank you
>>63462214
I did it
Name doesn't show up
why do you fags always put this thread up so late.
it's 3:40 am in england.
I'm the nyu grad guy, I can give a lot of feedback but it's too late.
>>63462283
Your google account name doesn't show up?
Is this you?
>>63457845
>one thousand two hundred and ninety one page novel in three years, I wrote a 120k manuscript
Screenwriting is about being concise and having a strong core to the story. Congrats on your ability to churn out words, it'll help. But you should probably read a few spec screenplays to see how they turn out bad and what's great about them.
>>63457845
It is bullshit.
Utter bullshit.
What that whole diatribe describes, is that they are looking for excuses to reject you. They are looking for anything. Because they don't want you in their little club. They don't want anyone to get an easy door in, when they worked so hard and bullshitted to get where they are, that they deem other people have to suffer like they did in order to make it, unless of course, it's perfect 100% with no flaws, which is total bullshit because no human is perfect. And they know it.
There are so many movies today that are written with only good scripts with flaws and made. There are so many even worse than that and yet they demand 100% pristine. Think about that, that doesn't make sense.
The truth of the matter is, it's all about who you know. That's why there are so many fucking hacks in this industry. There are some talented people there, but they are outweighed by idiots from producers, to directors, studio heads, writers and actors, who have no idea what they are doing.
Another factor though, is that, Hollywood has become pussified, and they are scared of taking any kind of risk with a new idea or new writer. Hence why we have so many safely made remakes, reboots and material based off pre-existing franchises. Hollywood claims to be the number 1 creative outlet, when in reality it's just the opposite, it rehashes the same old conventional yesterday.
I will keep writing and never give up, fuck this shithead he's quoting.
>>63462342
>graduate school in film studies or screen writing
Idk but none of the really great directors or writers went to school. Why waste your time and money?
>>63462283
If that is you then you probably just got a google ad revenue because I watched about 2/3 of your gunfight clip.
Here's the script to the breaking bad pilot
http://www.pages.drexel.edu/~ina22/splaylib/Screenplay-Breaking_Bad-Pilot.PDF
>>63462283
Anyway, my google account is my entire full name, not to mention that the videos on my youtube channel are pretty much me.
>>63462402
I graduated film production, focused on writing personally.
I'm never gonna be a great director, that doesn't mean I won't be a part of this massive multibillion dollar industry though.
>>63461230
>there is no need to involve some convoluted mind pill in the action. All you need is a reason for someone to use a gun on someone else.
I'll keep that in mind.
>>63462438
Working at McDonalds also means you're part of a massive multibillion dollar industry.
>>63462352
Fuck me sideways.
>>63462404
Oh, cool.
>>63455652
Was he in his garage filled with Lamborghinis and 2000 books when he wrote this?
>>63462485
You're still essentially anonymouse. I don't have face recognition software. If you're on facebook then I wonder what would happen if I uploaded that pic to facebook. It might tag you but it might not because we've never met, had each other's phone numbers or been in the same part of the country.
>>63462482
upward mobility in mcdonalds is way less likely than with a nyu film degree in the entertainment industry.
anyway, i just wanna give feedback to people and answer questions with what (little) I know but it's way too late for me right now
>>63462510
I've never watched that whole commercial. What is it about anyway?
google has trouble figuring out what waterfalls are.
>>63459333
Anything can be done anon, it matters about how well it is executed. That's it.
>>63462425
>It's The Cheese commercials
Useless description.
>Except those commercials don't normally focus on cow shit. We do.
Don't try to be funny in your action lines. Write what we SEE.
>TILT DOWN
Don't use camera directions in your script.
>Until...
Utterly useless. Just tell us what is happening.
>to say the least
Wasted space.
>chalky white paint and bondo spots
Way too much detail. Production will handle this.
>oh, by the way,
Same thing again.
And stop capitalizing EVERYTHING.
Learn how to fucking write first. Take out all that extra shit. You'll never get shit made with that kinda writing.
>>63462595
nice meme
>>63462568
Well it's not about the money.
You know what's better than money?
>>63462595
You're criticizing the Breaking Bad Pilot, unless this is a troll post, you're fucking retarded. That's what sold to the studio.
>>63462595
This is actual good advice
>>63462531
Fair point.
>>63462615
My new Lamborghini here
>>63462214
How old is Sinclair? Is that a boy or a girl? When you say GIRL, I think 10 years old. Their dialogue sounds like teenagers.
You should format this shit on page 2 as a series of shots. People don't really respond back that fast.
This Sinclair/Olive dialogue is crap. It's like they're twelve.
"Oh my god, YOU ARE GOD! What are you doing here?"
What the fuck is even happening?
>>63462595
You're a not very bright, are you? Anyway, I'm guessing you can't write your way out of a wet paper bag judging by the things you decided to nitpick about.
>>63462668
That's fun to drive up here in the Hollywood Hills. But it's just a reminder.
You know what I like a lot more than materialistic things like extremely expensive cars and a house in the hills?
>>63462631
My point is that amateurs give amateurs advice on their scripts, and it's always menial shit like "YOU CAN'T UNDERLINE THINGS YOU AMATEUR."
>>63461766
1) Cut all instances of "hi!" "hi!" "how are you?" "i'm good" because you're writing 'realistic dialogue' as realistic rather than entertaining.
2) your descriptions are bad. make them more concise. And learn to tell us about a character rather than what they're wearing.
3) You lost my interest on the first page so I skipped ahead. Your main character does magic tricks. Start with something more interesting, like the magic, rather than boring exposition on character's we haven't met.
4) You need to cut down on blocking, (directing your actors actions).
Other than that, you avoid alot of pitfalls of early awful scripts.
Next time, just post your drive link rather than filling up the thread.
>>63462283
Alright, here's my link
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1IRh9lXw_upT3I1NTllYy1GaVU/view?usp=sharing
>>63456613
Have a great time piece quite personal at the moment but I'll pist it here later.
>I also came up with an idea for a neo70s-80s esque action a newly created cyborg police officer (Rex Thundercock) who's family was killed by communistic cyborg terrorists.
>Even have a scene in which he finds out that the commies are running a public sxhool district and instilling their poisonous ideals on the children and Rex goes into the school singing the national anthem as he slaughters the commies.
Critique me if you want. True Detective season 1 ending last 20 minutes.
>>63462715
I think it's books, but what is the commercial for?
>>63462861
I'll post another page if requested, if not, whatever.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6tIEdgKGhKXWEVudm1CQ25uYVU
what people actually posting? here's the first ten pages of mine. i swear the whole thing isn't over the top silly, but I don't think people would stick around long enough to find out.
>>63462770
Just a head's up, you have to change how google presents your name. It's not a big deal though.
>>63462878
http://youtu.be/0GIwTG8V-Ko
Lamborghinis and Knowledge.
>>63455652
Guys writing a period piece you guys know any good songs released late 50s-60s
>>63462942
I had to watch a commercial to watch that thing. I got three minutes in. It's a commercial for warren buffet or something
>>63463028
It ain't me
>>63462770
It feels like a really long, bad punchline (nuns).
Not in a terrible way, there's some things I like. The little shots of "God" like the bird poop (I assume that's the point of it). But your dialogue is too straightforward. Maybe that's what you're doing stylistically, but I don't think so.
It doesn't feel as sharp or witty as the concept seems.
>>63461768
TITLE: CIA RISES
FADE IN
INT. PLANE - DAY
It's been a few years, but ROBO-BANE has been resurrected, as well as ROBO-CIA.
Once again, they stand in their respective positions just like in THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. The entire interior looks the same as the one they crashed in.
>>63462886
moar moar MOAR
>>63463131
But how is it?
>>63461819
Okay, so I'd rewrite the tinder dialogue, it's not super believable. I'd also avoid using the word tinder specifically, or even as a general plot point, as it'll date the script very soon. I also don't understand the the purpose of the dialogue between olive and Sinclair, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that it's relevant later in the plot. It is a bit awkward though.
>>63463101
It's definitely not finished. I just lost interest in it and I thought that if I posted it here I might get some ideas or interest or momentum.
The second half of the story is that they break up, they reunite and then God offers her a choice to be with him or not.
>>63463152
Is this you rewriting the last twenty minutes or the actual script (assuming if thats the case alterations where made).
Not bad, better than some of the other stuff posted ITT, the dialogue is a bit cringey at places
>"I'd seen him before at the Tuttle School seventeen years ago
I'd shorten that up and drop the "seventeen years ago" and the "this fucking cult" lines.
Also why are they forcing Errol to lead them into the castle instead of just trying to arrest him?
>>63463153
Hey, any input helps. I wrote 12 pages and then put it away for about two weeks.
https://youtu.be/XY5KTVA_2ys
>>63463233
It's me rewriting the last 20 minutes of season 1's finale episode. I wrote it the day before the finale episode aired.
>Not bad, better than some of the other stuff posted ITT, the dialogue is a bit cringey at places
>"I'd seen him before at the Tuttle School seventeen years ago
>I'd shorten that up and drop the "seventeen years ago" and the "this fucking cult" lines.
I'll keep it in mind.
>Also why are they forcing Errol to lead them into the castle instead of just trying to arrest him?
Because then we wouldn't get to the good stuff.
FLASHBACK
A team of scientists is digging through unidentified rubble. They all wear hazmat suits and each of them are wielding different, strange, hi-tech devices as they analyze the rubble.
CLOSE UP
A scientist moves piece of metal in the rubble, revealing something intriguing underneath it. It is a dark blue cloth. Moving another piece of metal aside, a light blue cloth is seen along with the blue cloth. The camera pans downward and reveal a belt, with the two middle belt-loops visible. The scientist signals his fellows.
EXT. The Group of Scientists
They begin to crowd around the earlier scientists discovery. The camera slowly pans outward until......
WIDE SHOT
The rubble, in its entirety, is actually wreckage. From a birds-eye view, it is unmistakable plane wreckage.
----Radio Chatter
----"We've located him"
>>63463336
I'll continue if requested.
>>63463355
meant for >>63463117
>>63463355
>>63463303
>I wrote it the day before the finale aired
alright I'll keep that in mind. I find it strange that you where not that far off. With Errol's demeanor, the disembodied voices, the skeletons, devils nests and other shit all over the place. The writings on the walls, though that was in the cabin and not in the old fort.
Keep posting, I need to read the rest of this
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3CwoavM8htXbkFDdk9qeThkNUU/view?usp=sharing
Fuck it. Someone tell me what you think.
Yes, it's supposed to be somewhat cliche.
>>63463355
EXT. FIELD - ALMOST NIGHT
The Scientists look down upon him. The Man who had taken on one of, if not arguably, the most villanious men of all time.
With his torso and lower body underneath the wreckage of a plane's wing, the Scientists looked down upon CIA Agent Bill Wilson, 30s.
The CHIEF SCIENTIST, who had used the walkie talkie to notify the others, removed his mask. This man was in his 50s, grey bearded, with a grandfather like face. He, along with two thin scientists, still wearing their masks, gazed down upon Wilson's contorted face with concern.
He now removed his glove, to feel Wilson's neck, we can see the worry in his eyes, the fact that he may have been lost. This goes on for a few seconds...
Until.
A slight smile.
CHIEF SCIENTIST
(to the scientists)
...Get the vehicle, immediately!
>>63463472
I was heavily interested in that show. I thought the first 4 episodes were the best things I had ever seen on TV.
>>63463627
I'm with you there, I enjoyed the ride as whole and was completely enthralled and pulled in deeper with each passing episode. And that's why I need to see the rest of what you have.
>>63463627
>>63463673
Page 8 and 7 got mixed up.
>>63463702
So no critique then?
>>63463355
>>63463385
>>63463604
NARRATOR
"It's been over 200 years since the man known as "Bane" brought the city of Old Manhattan to its knees. Nobody remembers it, of course. Nobody remembers the heroes we used to have either."
"The ones who risked it all to save society... It turns out their greatest weakness was time. Even a legend such as the supposed "Batman" would grow old and die eventually, and soon fade into myth."
"But those who are evil... They never went anywhere. They've continued through the generations whereas our heroes have not."
CUT TO SHOTS OF DYSTOPIAN FUTURE
[Here, we should talk about how there's a top-secret group that has dedicated their efforts to reviving the heroes of old. This is to counter EVIL ORGANIZATION who is reviving all of the villains of old, including BANE.]
[Then talk about how CIA was the only one they could find, and they now are entrusting the fate of humanity in his belt-loops.]
>>63461148
Leon tossed Simon to the ground in front of one of the thugs. Looking back, that's probably a shitty way of starting the action.
Reason Simon can't call Manny is referred to in the ending, when he says the opportunity line. He used Simon as a demonstration.
Anyway, you make a point about there being no reason to care about the characters.
In the past couple weeks I've actually started finishing stuff. I'm pretty happy about that, even if they're just short shitty shorts.
>>63464576
That's great anon, first time I finished something I got shortlisted for a competition. Prior to that I had only tried writing shitty YA novels in my youth and a few scenes at uni.
One step at a time bro. So long as your writing it's better than not.
>>63464741
This isn't /b/ or /v/. Please stop bumping a thread when you have nothing to contribute.
>>63464812
Can we please apply the same rule to bane shitposting?
>>63464812
forgot 4chan was serious business faggot
>>63464774
Nice, man. That's been my biggest issue, aside from dialogue and plotting (yeah I'm not exactly the best in town). I have something I can film, though, and that's good enough for me.
>>63464812
>>63464741
No, we must continue the CIA script.
The creative anons must see this thread.
>>63464812
Well al-fuckin'-righty then.
>>63464854
Well, you are removing 1 post from the thread that goes toward the thread's bump limit, and yes I realize i'm doing the same now too, but I am only doing so to ask you (and others) to stop doing it in the future as it adds nothing. No need to get so hostile.
>>63465026
most posts are completely empty replies though but I dont see you bitching about those. in fact most threads in general are nothing but empty replies. what the fuck is even your point?
>63455652
>The problem with 99% of all unsold/unmade screenplays...is that they aren't excellent.
He talks as if most of the scripts that do end up getting made are actually good. They're not.
If the ones that make it are that bad, then I can't imagine how much worse the ones that don't make it are.
>>63465242
Well, look at the contents of this thread for example, my script included.
>>63465180
Maybe if people actually put more thought into what they post we would have less bullshit is all what i'm saying, and let's face it this place could use a little more quality and better discussion. /tv/ isn't fast enough to warrant "empty" posts, which is why I think bumps are completely unnecessary and do nothing for the board but to artificially speed up discussion. This place isn't like it used to be, everyone uses the catalogue now so there is no point in bumping threads that would normally stick around for hours undisturbed anyway.
>>63463586
Are you trying to cash in on those Kung Fury/Turbo Kid/Danger 5 S2 bucks? Because I'm gonna be honest with you, it's not really working for me.
The whole over-the-top 80's revivalism thing is fun, but I really like more of the subtle aspects of it, how you can pay homage to the films of that day without being like "LOOM AT ME I'M SO FUCKING WACKY" or that kind of shit.
Think The Guest, or Krampus for a more recent example.
>>63461278
I'm testing out different options. Want to get out and film something as soon as I can.
>>63457845
120000 words in 6 months is is like 800 a day, 1300 pages in 3 years is like 400 a day. those are high estimates too
I want to write a 100% silent script, but I don't quite know if there's supposed to be a formatting change there or not. Is it supposed to be just scene descriptions?
Good night, guys. These threads have become immensely helpful.
>>63465242
The thing is you really can't judge a script by the movie. There are many "good" scripts that turn into shitty movies, and conversely there are many "bad" scripts that end up being good movies.
The reason why most scripts don't get made is because they fail to generate enough interest. Most scripts that are optioned don't get made, that's just the nature of business. That's why I laugh when I go over these threads and read a bunch of posts claiming they've sold X number of scripts, and have Y optioned. It is incredibly rare to sell a script (good or bad), especially in today's industry.
Most people confuse the idea of a "good" script with a novel concept. You can have a great idea but a shitty script, similarly you can have a really generic concept but a well written script. The scripts that end up getting made are those that get producers interested enough to make them, and a part of the problem that you hack writers seem to not understand is most scripts aren't interesting enough to even be optioned. The average spec script isn't "good" or interesting enough to sell itself.
The other problem that you guys have is that you judge scripts by the block busters that result from them. A script is only really a small part of a film, so there are many reasons why a very well written high concept script could still turn into a really shitty movie. But apparently this idea just flies by all of your heads.
The writers who consistently get work are those writers who know these basics of the industry and know what are the sort of scripts that people interested.
>>63466016
http://www.pages.drexel.edu/~ina22/splaylib/Screenplay-Artist,_The.pdf
If you haven't see The Artist, it's a good movie. It was a silent movie made in 2011. This is its script.
>>63466581
>The writers who consistently get work are those writers who know famous jews and suck famous jew dick.
FTFY
>>63466581
this is pretty great advice
>>63466684
I've seen The Artist a couple times, but this is the first I've seen of an actual script for it.
Thanks, this is useful.
i don't know why the fact that the liberal arts hippies I know wrote stuff and completed it, irks me so much. Sure it highlights my shortcomings and lack of. and they've done something I haven't
but fuck they're pretentious shit-my gosh it's insufferable
>>63462615
I don't call it money any more
I call it freedom units
>>63466877
Then top 'em. Do whatever you think would be good. Don't stop until it's finished.
My biggest problem when writing is coming up with a satisfying conclusion. After that would be natural sounding dialogue, but goddamn I can never figure out good endings to my scripts.
>>63468366
I'm the opposite, I love doing the conclusion but suck at all the middle stuff.
My all-time favorite conclusion was the end of Halo 3. Perfection.Until 343 ruined it
>>63461766
>looks at the poop as if it's an old enemy
Jesus Christ I can't breathe.
