>moved to england for university
>roommates suggest seing a film
>Large popcorn please
>Would you like that salty or sweet?
>Uhh.. b-buttered?
>everyone throws their heads back in laughter and yelling
> HEY THIS GUY WANTS BUTTER! THIS GUY WANTS BUTTER
>man behind me in line is laughing so hard he can't breathe, and is visibly asphixiating then falls to the floor
>i guess i'll get a mix of sweet and salty then...
nobody told me it would be like this
>>63261793
aint even no crabs legss with butter neither, england a shit.
>>63261793
was it autism?
I miss my crab legs and being able to bring my falcon but on the bright side I don't have to lug around my riot shield and Kevlar vest for when I go to see a movie anymore
>>63261793
did they at least have the right kind of feed for the falcon?
>failed penis inspection at my local theater
>never allowed back in again
what the FUCK do I do bros?
>>63261793
We stopped selling butter when butter-knifes got banned.
We tried to use a spoon but it just doesn't work.
>>63261859
fuck you bro, i carry my kevlar and shield anyway, i feel naked without them.
is buttered popcorn a meme?
I'm from a slavland and no one butters their popcorn here
>>63261793
Dumb frogposter.
>>63261931
Jesus christ, UK cinema sounds like a dystopian hell.
How is it possible to enjoy a 2+ hour film without a jumbo popcorn bucket brimming with hot butter, a large coke and a candy of your choosing [spoilers]skittles preferably[/spoiler]
Honestly, I was disoriented at first when I moved to Europe, but quickly got used to it.
Now, I bring my own butter to the theater. If it's too cold I put it under my ass for a couple of minutes to melt it, and put it on my popcorn.
Also, there is no no-singles policy here, and no penis inspection. I only miss the showers, but can wash myself in the bathroom.
>>63261793
Is this real? How do they make it sweet? Sugar?
>>63261931
Lies. I'm from Slavland too and we have buttered popcorn here everywhere. Stop fucking memeing, you moron.
>>63261859
>not having tailor made light Kevlar suits
are you some kind of poorfag?Do you even golf?
>>63261983
and all of this for the low low price of 50 USD (60 if I get the extra large coke)
>moved to england for university
>roommates suggest seing a film
>go alone to the theater
>s-single ticket please
>guy doesn't bat an eye
>no one gets shot
>no one claps
England is like a disgusting alien planet I want out
>>63262062
most theaters have a large popcorn+soda combo w/ free candy. 20 bucks at the most.
>go to cinema in England
>get shot
>get blown up
>get 'INFIDEL' and 'ALLAHU AKBAR' yelled at you
Thanks Britards
>>63261793
>england
>people making noises
>outside
>near other people
>sober
this story is a LIE
Does America literally pour butter on top of popcorn? I always thought they were just buttered flavored or something.
>literally putting butter in your popcorn
Americans are fucking disgusting
>>63261793
Is it true Americans eat butter by the spoon?
>>63262084
All that shit you mentioned costs like 30 cents altogether to make.
I want Britchavs to leave.
>Go to my local cinema in Hackney
>Bouncer informs me that this is a halal cinema and only muslims are allowed in
I just wanted to watch Spectre ;_;
>>63262268
Based on a true story
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2712380/Vue-cinema-apologises-friends-turned-away-security-guard-not-Muslim-family.html
>>63261998
Are there really places where you can't go alone by yourself?! Godamn fuckingg normies!!
>>63262309
>the caliphate of Britain
SMART frogposter
>>63261793
>No butter
>No homemade Churned Butter
>Doubles policy
the only reasons not to go to a UK cinema is the fact they do not have the manditory 2 hour public pre film shower, and the recomended folk music line dance half time show.
when will the britz learn.
Here in Wales we have mandatory nipple inspections due to some vestigial rule from olden times.
>>63262520
As a britfag I can confirm everything apart from the doubles policy.
Doubles policy only applies on the sacred Orange, or as it is now known Meerkat, Wednesday. Anyone found alone at a cinema on a Wednesday is executed in the lobby.
>>63261859
>no Kevlar
It's like you want to get stabbed m8
>go to local theatre alone
>pre-movie shower is mandatory for singles
>halfway through conditioning my hair when I get pulled to the side
>I immediately recognise this man as the penis inspector
>accuse him of targeting me specifically, as this is the fifth time i've been pulled aside for the random penis inspection in my last five visits
>he blows the whistle around his neck, summoning his four associates from the next room
>tells me I need to be restrained for my defiant behavior
>the four men hold one limb each as I struggle in anticipation of whats to come
>after 30 minutes, the inspector finally manages to make me cum, wiping the ejaculate from his hands into a seal lock bag
>reminds me that he is also the wallet inspector
>I fail, and he takes the contents of my wallet as he leaves for the laboratory to assess my sample
>after 6 hours, he returns with the results
>banned for 6 months for "faulty semen"
>can be reduced to 3 months if I agree to undergo bi-weekly checkups
>return 3 months later
>Mad Max: Fury Road is no longer playing at theatres
>as I'm leaving the theatre, I try to explain to the penis inspector that I'm not even seeing a movie today
>end up with another 3 month ban
I ended up having to rent it on dvd
>mfw i passed the background check and got my cinema license this week
things are looking up
>television licenses
>>63261886
The secret is under the hood. That's where the cheese is made.
>>63262206
>with a spoon
>not melting it and using a straw
>that guy who is friends with the falconry sheriff so his falcon gets away with stealing people's food
I don't go to the cinema anymore for this reason, fuck that
IT'S NOT BUTTER YOU PLEBS THAT WOULD BE HORRIBLE IT'S BUTTER FLAVORED OIL
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe
>>63263260
>pouring some of the most calorie dense product you can buy in a grocerie store on your popcorn
amerifats...
>>63262179
Have you never had melted butter drizzled over popcorn, anon?
It's the best.
>try to rent a bulletproof vest for the midnight screening of the new Star Wars at the cinema store
>Sold out, out of stock, all preordered, etc,etc
I'm so fucked. Should I still go?
In France I go to my local arthouse cinema where food isn't allowed
>>63261983
>misspelling sciddles that bad
>>63263467
The Cinema Shooter is trained for these events, anon.
Any Cinema savant knows that as part of the Holmes bill, a Cinema Shooter is paid and obliged to prevent any massacres even at the cost of his own life.
It is to this end that his widow or next of kin receives a large pension and a lifetime's supply of crab legs.
So rest safe in the knowledge the cinema shooter will protect youUnless you're the one shooting people up
>go to england for uni
>roommate suggests seeing a film
>go to james bond matinee
>i'd like some grilled oreo please
>everyone throws their heads back and laughs
>OY THE YANK WOOD LIKE SOM GRILLED TAT TATS HE DOES BLOODY AMERICANS
>start to glance around in shame
>see it hit 6:00 on the clock above the treat trolley
>insufferable sounds breaks out above me, from the PA system?
>the sound grows in intensity ground begins to shake slightly
>suddenly realize the other patrons have frozen in place and are mimicking it, glancing down at their watches
>those that don't have watches are sharing with others
>ears begin to adjust after being blown
>almost make out what the noise is
>BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG
>their mouths move in perfect unison
>BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG
>realize in horror my own mouth is moving, forming only the same words
>BONG BONG BONG BONG
>6:01
>noise stops suddenly
>I feel like I'm coming out of a trance, my ears feel like they're bleeding
>everyone looks up and continues their business
nobody warned me of this
>>63263711
>27 bongs
Fake story.
>wearing kevlar and carrying riot shield
>not springing for deluxe "pope bubble" aisle
Poorfags pls go
>>63263920
>spring for deluxe pope bubble aisle
>in accordance with his desire to take in American culture while he's here the actual pope is picked to be the designated shooter that day
>mfw
Is there any low theater owners won't sink to to swindle you out of your money and ruin the experience? The falcon perches in the pope bubble aisle are even smaller than the ones in the general admission seats, ffs.
>moved to england for university
>roommates suggests seeing a film at the local cinema
>before we go out my roomies bring out a bucket of brown paint
>get really confused
>they start painting their face with the paint
>oh well when in Rome?
>we all put on white robes and leave the apartment
>Sharia police instantly stops us as we leave
>get grilled on Koran texts
>dont know shit about Islam, I just scream "ALLAHU AKBAR" repeatedly
>this seems to please the Sharia police and they let me go and stamp my passport with "true believer of the faith"
>finally get to cinema
>get in line
>ALLAHU AKBAARRRRRRRRR
>massive explosion and almost everyone in the line dies
>finally get there
>Penis inspection
>I am not circumsized
>Screaming bearded men put me into a room and interrogate me
>I keep repeated "MUHAMMAD ALLAH MUHAMMED ALLAH"
>This seems to calm them down.
>They cut off my foreskin and let me go with a warning
>have to go for a shit before entering the film hall
>sit down for a crap, trying to calm down after all the shit Ive seen today
>hmm this is weird toilet paper
>its literally the Union Jack coloured on every toilet paper
>wipe my ass and go towards the film hall
>Sharia police stops me in the hallway
>checks my hands
>"where is poop? how you wipe?"
>I get both my hands cut off in the lobby, everyone around sreaming and hollering
>go watch the Martian
>it was shit
>go to England on vacation with some friends
>we have to meet at the hotel at 9pm
>it starts to get dark out
>go to check my watch
>I forgot it
>Decide to go ask someone
>find someone to ask
>ARE YOU WIMBLY FOURS MATE!? IM CRIMBO NINAN SAX APPLE SMIBBLY DIN BIBBLY CHAP
>have no idea what he just said, ask him to repeat it
>YOU WOT M8?
>he starts to laugh maniacally
>Big Ben rings out
>everyone stops in the fucking street
>a carriage with the initials HRH rides down the street
>the fucking queen herself sticks her head out
>OI YOU GITS DID YE HEAR THAT!? IT BE 6 BONG
>driver pokes his head out
>6 BONGERS?
>another man leaps out of the fucking sewer
>6 FECKING BONG?
>people start pouring out in the street
>YA WANKERS IT BE CRIMBO SIX-A-BONG-
>store clerks and chimney sweeps chanting SIX A-BONG SIX A-BONG
>we try to get away, the filth is choking me
>SIX A-BONG, SIX A-BONG, OLLY JOLLY ITS SIX-A-BONG!
>the lyrics drown everything out, can't avoid the dancers
>BANG UP THE KNACKERS AND SMACK YER MUM-
>OLL IN THE STREETS ITS SIX A-BONG!
>fish and chips being thrown into the air en masse at this point
>our fucking faces
