>lying in bed meditating on the crucifixion of Jesus Christ
>mom walks in and tells me to stop "sleeping" because I'm late for school
>patiently remind her that I don't sleep... I just dream
>she abruptly opens the curtains and walks out
>light up a cigarette and walk slowly to my R.E. lesson
>slide into my seat at the back of the class
>they are discussing the afterlife
>I loudly announce that they're all racing towards a red light
>teacher asks if I can understand how the belief in an afterlife might provide solace for some people
>I tell him that fairytales aren't good for anybody
>he asks why I begrudge people the right to their own personal beliefs
>ask him "They gotta get together and tell each other stories that violate every law of the universe just to get through the goddamned day? What's that say about their reality?"
>"You haven't answered the question, Anon."
>"Then start asking the right fucking questions."
>tired of his low IQ, I take a beer out of my bag and crack it open
>"What are you doing?" he stammers
>"It's Thursday and it's past noon. On Thursdays I start drinking at noon. You don't get to interrupt that."
>he tries to confiscate my beer but I catch him in an arm lock
>he becomes vexed and slaps me around the back of my head
>I look him straight in the eye and tell him that prison is real fuckin' hard on people who hurt kids
>add "If you get the opportunity, you should kill yourself."
>silently walk out of class, pausing briefly at the door to give God the finger
>>63143776
so how long did it take you to come up with this stuff? Was your goal to make every line as cringe-y as possible?
>sunday night
>true detective is on
>start my true detective ritual
>buy a 6 pack of beer, a pack of camel blue's, and scatter my recently purchased crime drama novels around my desk
>tie back hair in a ponytail
>true detective comes on
>crack open a beer and light up a cigarette
>mom walks in
>ask me why i'm smoking in the house
>turn around and say
"You ever heard of the M-Brane Theory? It's like in this universe, we process time linearly forward. But outside of our spacetime, from what would be a fourth-dimensional perspective, time wouldn't exist, and from that vantage, could we attain it... we'd see... our spacetime would look flattened, like a single sculpture with matter in a superposition of every place it ever occupied. Our sentience just cycling through our lives, like carts on a track. See, everything outside our dimension... that's eternity, eternity looking down on us. Now, to us, it's a sphere, but to them... it's a circle. In eternity, where there is no time, nothing can grow. Nothing can become. Nothing changes. So death created time to grow the things that it would kill, and you are reborn, but into the same life, that you've always been born into.
>mom turns around and leaves the room
>dad comes back with her, grabs my beer and cigarettes and throws them in the trash
>mom is crying
>dad calls me a freak and asks where they went wrong
>takes away my ethernet cable and takes my bedroom door off the hinge
>rips down my fight club and wire posters
>next day tells me to get in there car, won't tell me where
>drops me off at a psyche ward
>mfw
i laffed
>>63143836
If I remember right they were American Spirits put inside a pack of Camels
>>63143836
I like this one.
Lotta creative thought went into it anon.
Top kek
>>63143776
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARMF1Qr-zDI
>>63143833
Fuck off, I liked it.
>>63143833
That's the point you shit what the fuck.
>>63143776
>"You haven't answered the question, Anon."
>"Then start asking the right fucking questions."
>>63143776
pottery
kek'd
>>63143776
>"It's Thursday and it's past noon. On Thursdays I start drinking at noon. You don't get to interrupt that."
Only good part.
jej'd
Reminder: Rust's philosophy was a defense mechanism. Way to miss the point senpai desu bbq tcbytreats
>>63147656
This.
Also the fact that he found religion at the end is pretty much the only redeeming point in a very underwhelming finale.
You ever heard of the 4chan Theory? It's like in real life, we process time linearly forward. Uh-huhm.
But outside of our real lives, from what would be a fourth-chan perspective, time wouldn't exist, and from that vantage, could we attain it... we'd see... our image board would look flattened, like a single website with virgin neckbeards in a superposition of every place it ever occupied. Our sentience just cycling through threads in our mothers basement, like mountain dew in a lake. Yup. Yessir.
See, everything outside of 4chan... that's normalfags, normalfags looking down on us. Now, to us, it's a way of life, but to them... it's an anime image board
In real life, where there are no waifus and feet threads, meme's can't grow. Memes can't become. Memes don't change. So Moot created 4chan to grow the memes that reddit would kill, and then they are reposted, but into the same image board, that you've always been born into.
How many times have we had this thread, guys?
Well who knows. When you can't remember your lives before 4chan, you can't change your lives.
And that is the terrible and the secret fate of 4chan
You're trapped, by that nightmare you keep waking up into.
>All the newkids who don't even recognize stale pasta
What do you think the average IQ of this board is?
Just masturbation and no chance for reproduction. I see a propensity for obesity. Kekoldry. A yen for waifu tales. NEETs puttin' what few bucks they do have into a little 4chan pass. I think it's safe to say nobody here's gonna be splitting away from 4chan, hotwheels.
>>63148650
>>63147656
He didn't found religion, and there is nothing wrong with what he said, he accepted his life for what it was and could finally let go of his grief over is lost family life.
>>63148761
That's alright, there is always a significant number of dummies in any groups, though it's true that 4chan break many records...
>>63143776
That was pretty great
