>"Hey, man. This character calls for an actor that is absolutely, utterly unintelligible because mumbles like a retard instead of talking. It'd also be great if he had a beyond annoying, high-pitched, nasal voice."
>"Don't worry, Mr. Director. I know just the guy."
Seriously, you can't watch a film with him in it without subtitles, lest you want to understand nothing in the film.
I think you're just retarded
You probably just have your volume set too low dumbie
I think he's a good actor, I also think he's an absolute fucking retard when he gives his views on anything.
>"More people need to enable subtitles. Find me someone with the whiniest, squeakiest voice and make him speak barely above a whisper."
>"Got you covered sir."
>>63087599
>Calls Ruffalo unintelligible because he can't work out what hes saying
>>63087599
>>63087782
kek, imagining these conversations in film pre-productions is funny af
>"Our film needs an actor that's so lacking in knowledge of his craft, that he thinks yelling, failing miserably in changing accents and jumping around like a gorilla is fine acting. It'd be also cool if the actor happened to be on suicide watch because of unwarranted, unanswered desires for a reward for his abysmal acting."
>"You can sleep easy, sir. I happen to know the perfect actor for your needs."
>"So, the movie requires an actor that is the precise equivalent of a plain cheese pizza, or vanilla ice cream. My aim is to put the audience to deep sleep via this extremely unremarkable actor. But who should we get? My usual guy, Sam Worthington, got evicted from his Hollywood home for not paying the rent years ago."
>"Say no more, sir. He's already on his way to the set."
>>63087993
Saying this is gonna make my statement completely indefensible but I thought he did a good job in Divergent and Insurgent.
>"We have these major product placement deals with McDonalds® and Donut King®, so we need an actor so insecure about his acting ability he takes "chewing the scenery" literally."
>"You can stop right there. I know just the guy for this job."
>>63087993
>My usual guy, Sam Worthington, got evicted from his Hollywood home for not paying the rent years ago."
top kek
>''I really want to get Tom Hardy for my movie, but I don't have enough money to hire him. I'm in quite the pickle here.''
>''I got you fa͏m.''
>"Our character is a woman who -"
>"I know the perfect actress."
>"I haven't even told you anything else about -"
>"I SAID SHE'S PERFECT FOR THIS!"
>"I need an actor who is complete shit and who will fuck my wife while I watch and masturbate. He needs to be comfortable with wearing a ton of makeup, but he can't have any range. You probably know who I'm talking about though."
>"Yes, Mr. Burton. Say no more."
>"Well, this film I'm trying to make requires an ancient overacting faggot that is hellbent on obliterating what little is left of his reputation and career. It'd be swell if the last relevant movie he made was about 30 years ago."
>"Oh, I've got just the guy on my mind, sir."
>"We need an Hispanic guy so we can claim diversity, but not TOO Hispanic... You know, the kind that a lot of people will assume is just white"
>"sure thing jefe"
>"Fuck, man! I'm trying to get my remake of Gorillas in the Mist rolling, but so far, I've only got the mist."
>"Your worries are over, my man. She's also interested in a potential King Kong reboot."
>>63088185
desu if she never was in the hunger games she wouldn't be as bad
>>63088185
She is so good looking i wish she had nudes
>"We need an Asian actress, but I guess she could be half-Asian. Also, I haven't fucked a girl in the ass in a while."
>"I think I have the perfect solution."
>''Hey man, we're making this low-budget schlock movie to launder the mob's money. The script is so fucking bad even Gary Busey wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole, and that guy's brain is broken!''
>''Forget about all your troubles, sir, for I have the perfect man for the job.''
>I need an actor with incredible range, who has proved himself in film, TV and on stage in both drama and comedy and is the best actor of our generation
>S-surely you can't mean..We can actually afford him because he's not moneyhungry
>>63088389
she's like poor man's pre-surgery Megan Fox
>"We need a star. A big star!"
>"Tom Cruise?"
>"Nah, too expensive."
>"Brad Pitt?"
>"Nah, he's busy."
>"Johnny Depp?"
>"Nah."
>"Leonardo DiCaprio?"
>"No."
>"Okay, fuck it, how about this guy?"
>"Hey, we need a long-term out of work actor that is literally starving to death."
>"I've got just the g---ah nah wait, after the role of a lifetime, he's busy."
>I need someone who always does an absolutely amazing job regardless of the quality of the script, but who we can literally pay in peanuts because he's the quintessential That Guy. Any ideas?
>I got you covered, my man.
>"We have a role in a franchise movie sure to make a ton of money. I want our first choice to turn it down."
>"I'll call her dad right away."
>Casting director: "What kinda actor you want?"
>Director: "Just fuck my shit up"
>Casting director: "I got you senpai"
>We're thinking of doing a stoner movi-
>say no more
>>63088510
that one hurts anon.
>>63088411
Have you noticed how almost all his movies deal with pederasty in some way?
>>63088539
Dude he'd say yes at "we" because he'd think you'll say "weed".
"We need a big guy"
"For you"
>We absolutely need a quintessential 21st century beta manchild, but with just enough testosterone that the potential audience won't think he's a TOTAL pussy.
>I think I have just the guy.
>Writer: "I've got a screenplay with a star attached to it that's been bothersome to me, I'd want nothing more than the star to fucking die."
>Producer: "I know a director that specializes in just the thing. Let me get him on the phone right now."
>I need someone who reeks of desperation and misery, someone who once showed promise but has now fallen into a personal abyss of utter hopelessness and despair, someone whose life is fucked up beyond repair. Someone who is patheticness personified.
>Sir, you may rest easy, I'm writing him a letter as we speak (he's too poor to afford a phone, you see).
>>63088187
Tbh taking money to fuck Helena sounds like a pretty sweet gig.
>>63088611
chris pratt is based
>beta
charismatic and charming
>just enough testosterone
one of the best looking dudes in hollywood. great face, hair, beard, chest hair, everything, every chick would want to fuck him.
i bet you can't even grow a beard or chest hair of your own
u jelly?
>>63088733
>to fuck Helena
EPIN
SIMPLY EBIN
"Hey man, I need a young man for my movie, but I literally have zero dollars, and therefore would need to pay the guy with my dinner leftovers."
>"Sir, there is a perfect person for the job. Food is the only currency he takes now, money is a concept entirely unknown and forgotten to him at this point."
>>63087744
this.
however if you let your opinion of someones views or personal life affect your opinion of their acting your a pleb
>"We just need someone... classic."
>"Classic."
>>63088910
holy shit anon
>"I need an actor that can get hold of some dubs."
>"Consider it done, I'm gonna call him right now."
>>63088910
>"Hey man, I need a young man for my movie, but I literally have zero dollars, and therefore would need to pay the guy with my dinner leftovers."
fucking lost it
>>63088885
how is it b8?
>>63088389
>Also, I haven't fucked a girl in the ass in a while."
Kek. Started covering the pictures and seeing if I could guess who they were from the descriptions. This one was fairly obvious.
>"We need a black guy"
>>63088910
>>63087599
>>"Hey, man. This character calls for an actor that is absolutely, utterly unintelligible because mumbles like a retard instead of talking. It'd also be great if he had a beyond annoying, high-pitched, nasal voice."
Are you talking about Marlon Brando?
>>63088910
how do you niggers even know who this guy is I had to look it up, are you all 14?
>>63089376
WE FOUND A WAY
>>63088187
>yes, Mr. Burton. Say no more
>>63089372
That would also need to include
>We need an actor who we have no idea if he will even read the script, much less memorize his lines or if he will show up 100 pounds overweight or actually do a good job
>>63088389
I think it's hilarious when she was on G4 last year, and people accused her of just being a model, not actually into video games. Then people came to her defense calling anyone who questioned her sexist. Year's later it's basically entirely confirmed she had no idea what she was talking about on G4 and has entirely distanced herself from that stuff.
>>63088530
>implying he wasn't GOAT on True Detective
he'll probably save the remake of The Raid too.
>>63087599
>we desperately need an actor who will make no attempt at all to play the character or even act at all and will simply play himself in every role
>It would be ideal if he was an egotistical smug douchebag as well
>don't you worry sir, I know just the man
>"My film needs a mediocre actress that is not believable in any aspect. And I haven't got a footjob in a while and I wanna cheat on my bitch of a wife."
>"I know just the person, sir."
>>63089474
>remake of The Raid
fucking amerifucks
>>63089506
yeah, they may have high budget, but they'll never beat the choreography.
>>63089546
when will the remake of the remake come out?
>>63088498
Jesus that hairline
JUST
>>63089613
have no idea brah.
but it shouldn't be THAT bad, because screenplay is from Brad Ingelsby (Out Of the Furnace, Run All Night)
>>63089640
I have the same.
Hung out with chicks I didn't know. They called me Neil Patrick Harris. Luckily my face is 7/10.
>>63089734
>>63089734
They said I looked like NPH*******
correction
>>63089613
Remake is dead. Kitsch, grillo, and the director left the project.
That said, Kitsch is GOAT and is always the best part of whatever shitty movie he's in.
>>63089441
>last year
>g4
Good god, man
>>63088530
Kitsch is legit great but has to have the worst fucking streak of luck.
>>63088389
Well at least for Apocalypse she's actively learning martial arts and getting fit unlike that sow Jennifer Lawrence
>>63089476
>ask him to direct as well
>I really don't want my film to have energy, vigor, passion, or any evidence of the director having an ounce of humanity
>>63087993
>We need Tom Hardy, but we can't afford Tom Hardy
>Say no more, fa m
![robert-downey-jr[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/kGdGXle.png "robert-downey-jr[1].png")
>>63089476
>Clooney's busy, we need a backup
>>63090183
Uh no
>>63090183
>Clooney's busyy
More like
>we can't afford Clooney
or
>Clooney says he's not foing capeshit after Batman&Robin
>>63090252
>we can't afford Clooney
Nigga, if they can't afford Clooney they can't afford RDJ
>>63090287
kill yourself
>>63090287
>the faggot got triggered
Embarrasign
>>63088432
reddit plz go
>>63089376
Do you think people were watching his show at 3 years old? Drake & Josh (ignoring him being on The Amanda Show prior) was 11 years ago. A person would only need to have been 7 when they saw it to now be old enough to post here.
>>63090449
>being barely 18 means you should be on 4chan
:^)
>>63090477
I'm 25. Just calling you retarded for thinking people would be 14 for recognizing an actor from a show which is over a decade old.
>>63087599
MARK KUCKALO IS THE BIGGEST LIBERAL KUCK IN HOLLYWOOD
AND THATS SAYING A LOT
HE LITERALLY HELD A BERNIE SANDERS RALLY LMAO HOW BETA CAN YOU GET
>>63087599
but Ruffalo is amazing
he's fantastic in You Can Count on Me, Zodiac, and Margaret
>>63087993
>My usual guy, Sam Worthington, got evicted from his Hollywood home for not paying the rent years ago
my fucking sides
>>63087599
Anyone else got a more modern Jimmy Stewart vibe from Ruffalo? Same nice every guy underdog quality, same lack of range, same screen presence. He needs a Vertigo or Rear Window role to take advantage of how unsettling that can be.
Seriously picture George Bailey in pic related. "Hey now Uncle Billy it's alright... I'm sorry I shouted earlier... it's just all this business with Mr. DuPont has got my head all turned around..."
>>63088304
>"Fuck, man! I'm trying to get my remake of Gorillas in the Mist rolling, but so far, I've only got the mist."
>we need a guy to play an articulate character but you can barely understand him when he speaks english
>say no more fåm
Haven't laughed this hard in a good while, thank you based anons
>We want the Javier Bardem audience, but we're on a budget
>Sir, say no more. My messenger hawk is carrying a letter to the perfect guy for the job.
>I have a feeling this film isn't giving enough of a homosexual gothic vibe
>Don't worry, I already called him
>Did you save a cadaver table for Helena?
Thank you guys
this thread made my day
>"Sir, we need something for the closet homosexual demographic."
>"I know just the man."
>>63090628
i thought that are tim and eric from the thumbnail.
>We blew all our budget on coke and there's no way this movie will ever be good
>We need someone who can budget in both extra coke and vacation time, whilst putting out some sort of combination of images and sound that people might be able to call a movie
>Relax, I already called him. Care for another line?
>"Everyone and everything is so tense on this set. We need an actor that's beaming with positive vibes."
>"Consider it taken care of."
>>63088195
>"i need a guy who frowns when he laughs"
> i need that guy from the last seasons of breaking bad but without that slighty retarded inbred hillbilly vibe because i want him to play a scientist.
> sir i might know a guy
>>63091409
Completely missed the point of the thread
>"The script calls for a beautiful female actress to play the protagonist's love interest. The trouble is, there are so many to choose from!"
>"Don't fret, I know someone who'll be perfect."
>>63091426
nope, merely inverted the joke. your brain must be on the top of the bellcurve
>>63091552
shut the fuck up
>>63091552
>merely inverted the joke.
Making it not funny or clever. Good job.
>>63091426
Except this wasn't a discount actor thread at all, retard.
>>63091640
It's okay you can try again to be funny after you clean the blood pouring out of your butt
>I really really want Doug Hutchison, the guy who was in The Green Mile and that one X-Files episode, but he's super busy right now. Any ideas?
>I've got just the man for the job, senpai.
>>63092006
Leave Bill senpai alone
>>63092006
>Doug Hutchison with cancer
>>63088327
she looks like amy schumer
>>63088304
>I want someone that looks like she's always trying to keep away a giant cock from her mouth
>Say no more, I already called HBO
>>63088816
chris pls go
>I want a male lead for my film, but my first 10 choices dropped out
>>63091552
>nope, merely inverted the joke
kill yourself
>I don't want no trouble
>Say no more, friend
>"We're doing a YA movie that we don't expect to make any money."
>"Let's get someone with a dying career."
>>63089432
>took a bite out of a frog
>We really wanna get some of that clammy nerd money, you know? I was thinking, we should get one of those Doctor Who guys, it's like they're in all of the nerd shit these days.
>That's an excellent idea, sir! Peter Capaldi and Christopher Eccleston both have excellent range and gravitas, and David Tennant's hugely popular, I'm sure that--
>According to this spreadsheet, we can afford to pay the actor about 36 dollars and six grams of cocaine.
>I've got your man.
>>63093544
The cider quote by le christian neighbour man
If its clear and yella you got juice there fella, if its brown ur in cider town or something like that
Well fucking meme'd mustachio companion
Excellently narrated godfearing man-next-door
Kektastically insinuated cultist from beyond the fence
>>63093519
Don't talk shit about me anonymously, you cunt.
>>63091203
Are you talking about yourself?
>>63087993
b-but muh Varro
>We need someone to literally cut off his cock and fuck his mother with it for our indie drama. He'll probably get an osc-
>Say no more, f a m
>>63093831
>Literally the same except "actress" and "six bottles of scotch".
>>63093831
>Alright we need this same audience again, but I was thinking of going a little more outside the box, someone who's whole acting range can be condensed to how they inflect their accent
>Say no more sir
>"I'm looking for a washed up talentless ape who has no discernible talent of any kind but can net us a legion of braindead fans"
>"Hand me the phone."
>>63089441
I miss watching X-Play and Attack of the Show...
>ywn have a beer with Adam and Morgan and talk about vidya
>Alright, tell me about this starring role.
>He's black.
>That should make him popular on the internet. What else?
>He's a cop.
>Done, next role.
>>63094192
>We need a brit, but not a classy kinda guy. We need a hapless everyman who gets tangled up in powerful forces he's nevertheless able to adapt to.
>I'm looking him up now. Whoops, almost dialed Morgan by mistake.
>Damn, our movie's way under budget.
>We can pick up some cash on the side from ISIS if we use the production as cover to spread ebola in New York.
>But which actor will we infect?
>"I'm looking for someone to play a 7ft tall super human. This guy needs to look the part, a real massive guy, at least 6ft 4 and 250lbs of solid muscle. What about that Mountain guy from Game of Thrones?"
>"Nah that guy doesn't sound right at all. Give me a sec, I think I've got just the guy."
>This script is rubbish. We need an actor that will make everyone just talk about James Bond and Doctor Who so they don't realize how crap our movie actually is
>I know just the guy mate
>>63094512
>I want someone that radiates authority. Someone serious, dangerous. The kinda guy you could see as a really cold-hearted secret agent, you know the kind?
>Man, we're making movie magic here.
>"I need someone who's going to make this movie a headliner, who is basically going to guarantee hundreds of millions in profits, even if he has the carry the entire movie himself"
>"Say no more, I got you covered"
>>63091272
>>63093612
good ones
>We're making a good movie and we want an amazing actor that everyone loves in it. Fuck the Oscars, btw.
>Say no more.
>>63094621
based Gary "put the kike on a spike" Oldman
>"We need a short girl, cute but not particularly attractive even by British actress standards. With tits."
>"Caling Maisie now."
>>63087782
>"More people need to enable subtitles
>"I'm looking for a chiselled action hero, a real tough guy with nothing to lose. He also needs to look exactly like Bruce Willis in Die Hard."
>"Fucking hell have I got the guy for you"
>>63088510
>I need someone who can do exactly one dance scene in the middle of the movie.
>>63094712
most beautiful girl in the seven continents
>>63094621
>we want an amazing actor
Pic unrelated
>Hmm, I was thinking of hiring whoever the audiences are currently shocked are capable of acting after they collectively decided that this person was shit at it, is it still Matty Mac?
>Sir, just let me deal with this.
>The script calls for an unfunny fat bitch.
>On it.
>>63089304
based oscar
>I need a guy who will guarantee that our film will be a laughing stock despite the quality of the script
>Sir, I think it's your lucky day...
>I want someone that can make my low-budget piece of shit watchable
>I got just the guy
>>63088123
> We can't afford Logan Marshall Green? Get his twin
>"The character is a wholesome, girl next door type. Let's get someone the entire world has seen getting fucked."
>"I'll check my fappening folder."
>>63095012
kek
>>63090925
He always is the perfect man for the job desu
At least I can understand what the fuck he's saying
![170px-Ed_Norton_Shankbone_Metropolitan_Opera_2009[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/i9QbbXI.jpg "170px-Ed_Norton_Shankbone_Metropolitan_Opera_2009[1].jpg")
>I need an actor to play a character with a split personality
>I just got the man for you, boss
>>63094607
How can someone be so based ?
>>63094235
wanna fight
![peter-stormare-profile[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/BweuKBm.jpg "peter-stormare-profile[1].jpg")
>we need an actor to be memorable for all the wrong reasons
>like what?
>like him not looking like a Russian, not sounding like one and not acting like one
>got'chu
>>63094621
More like
>we need someone who has been phoning it in for decades
>We need someone sane, highly competent, and with an eye for great art to be co-chairman of Sony.
>This is your lucky day, my man.
>>63095012
Thanks for the heads up, anon.
My google search did not disappoint.
>>63088718
kek
>>63089305
say no more Quentin
>>63089139
Underated
>>63095281
>I need an actor that behaves like a diva and thinks that he has any creative control over my movie
>Say no more, f.a.m.
>>63094758
Heh! Hehe
>>63087599
His best role, for cunnylovers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8375rU2KdnU
>>63094950
based. ash vs. evil dead is great.
