>Enjoying a lobster creole and a fine Chardonnay at the local flickhouse
>Jeeves confiscates it and stuffs it down the theatre drain
>eating the crustacean jew
>drinking the fermented jew
>find a free spot at the cinéma shower
>forgot your cinéma towel at home
>stuffs it down the theatre drain
probably consumed it himself
>go buy my ticket for see Spectre
>discount or full price sir?
>ask for discount cause i can't afford full anymore
>yes sir, please fill out this form sir, and give me your arm
>he puts one of those puff up blood pressure sensors on me
>hm, you qualify, thank you sir that'll be 95 dollaridoos, and enjoy your movie
>get to the flickroom just in time for the trailers
>can see the screen's flickering plenty, better hurry up!
>go to the discount section beneath the main seating
>floor's slick and wet already
>have to walk carefully to my spot
>hear a few welcomes and cheers from the ones who got there before me as i take up my seat
>start pedalling and ease into a flickwatching groove
>a few other discounters join us as we get to the main flick
>bond theme plays, we all start pedalling harder
>the screen's brilliantly bright and not flickering at all
>the sound system's booming
>bits of popcorn and wine spilling down from the main seating above us
>some of the one's who had been watching since the trailers start falling off their seats
>screen flickers and sound dims
>boos from the main seating
>wine and olive oil poured down from above
>we keep pedalling harder to make up for it
i liked the part with the helicopter spins
>today is my first day as the designated theater shooter at my local kino
>my application for the job has been previously approved by the Cinema Bureau, on the condition that I pick an animal from the Mustelidae family to assist me in my duty
>I brought my newly acquired badger with me, Quentin
>the shooting is scheduled during the screening of Interstellar
>I am REALLY nervous
>42 min in the movie my alarm clock starts ringing, time to shine
>I stand up and shoulder my AR, the audience is screaming in fear
>my weapon jams instantly, not a single shot fired
>after a few seconds of utter panick the screaming faints and is soon replaced by mixed up laughing and booing
>people proceed to throw popcorn and fecal matter at me
>the shame, THE SHAME
>at this point tears are building up and I'm racking the slide furiously, trying to unjam the damn thing
>a shot goes off
>it hit a PoC
>oh boy, now I've done it
>my badger jogs to the warm body of what seemed to be a black man and start humpering it, licks his feet too
>falcons chase me out of the room, pecking and swooping me, this is a disaster
needless to say it didn't go as planned, this has been a really humiliating experience for me
had to put down Quentin aswell, it somehow contracted HIV
>>62970218
>cinéma shower
What the actual fuck? Don't you guys take a shower before going to the movies?
>>62970424
Is this b8?
>>62970450
No. Is cinema shower a meme? Don't tell me there are actual shower in theaters in america
>>62970424
its for after the movie. ever watched a movie in a place like florida or texas? you'd be sweating your ass off too and in need of a shower afterwards.
>>62970484
>yuropoors don't bathe before the cinema
Color me surprised, smelly Europeans. Do you have to pray to Mecca in all of re-purposed refugee theater units?
>>62970493
>>62970484
Plus a truly investing cinéma can really make you sweat even in the middle of winter.
I wouldn't expect your local flickery to have a shower, but a true arthouse probably will.
>>62970511
I am Brazilian, and I am not even poor.
>>62970493
I live in São Paulo (the closest to NYC you'll ever get in south america) and it is as hot as florida and texas, probably more during the summertime. Even the best cinemas here don't have showers, but they do have a kickass A/C system, the room is always cold and nice.
Never left a movie sweating or smelly, a shower doesn't make any sense.
>>62970517
>tfw my cinema house has Roman baths
>>62970511
I want to go to an American cinema but i don't want to die :(
>>62970571
>Brazilian
>Even the best cinemas here don't have showers
Not even surprised. What is the 3rd world?
>>62970395
tl;dr
>muh feels
>le ebin theater story
i dont even need to read that to tell how autistic you are, fuck off
>>62970571
>Brazilian
Do you guys even Poo in the Loo down there?
>>62970622
Please be polite in theatre threads, your hostility is creating an unsafe environment.
>>62970607
>>62970661
>Implying Brazil is that bad
weak b8 desu, we're not indians.
>>62970681
Brazil is literally one of the biggest shitholes of the Americas, you're one of the constant reasons we always make a clear distinction between North and South America.
Dont mind me, I'm just enjoying some pirated crab legs
>>62970696
You must be mistaking us with the other countries that talk spanish, sorry.
Do they let you use the thêátré shower before they do the penis inspection?
>>62970778
Nope, you actually get high marks for letting your smegma build up.
Who else hates it when their falconry glove sets off the detectors in front of the showers? You'd think they would expect people to bring their gloves by now
>>62970762
>brazil
>a country
arent you people just a loose collection of tribes or something? if you aret from the States than youre either a European or indian tbqh
>>62970681
>Implying Brazil is that bad
OK.
Do you have showers in your cinémas?
>>62970733
future GOAT desu
ITT: Redditors creating funny memes so they can get some karma on /r/4chan
Time traveler here.
>the year is 2420
>First day on the job at the new "modern movie theater/cinema"
>They called it the CiniTheater
>Sounds like drugs
>never had any drugs so I complain to my designated over watcher DoW
he who holds the tickets
>Says "Yeah man yeah it's a theater and a cinema, you're not fired, but you're not hired anymore, here's a promotion, we never expected you to ask that question about our name, don't do anything with it"
>Later that day I get handed a new badge from the badge shchute (it's in german)
>says "Meme cleaner"
>Not sure what to do.
>Come into work the next day
>Slide penis into the protective jacket for identification
>a crab leg pops out of a schute I've never seen before
>think to myself "this must be a test to see if I qualify for autism
>Grab the crab leg, do a spin and yell at the top of my lungs "I KNOW I KNOW, CRABS AREN'T HERE ANYMORE IT'S 2420 LIKE COME ON"
>a loud voice appears over the louder than normal voice sphere
>"Meme cleaner please report to down on the stairs"
>go to a deeper level
>Suddenly
>everything starts to get a bit odd
>there's a "picture with people and they're moving on a box"
>but it's not about the stuff in the year 2420
>ok
>I meant okay
>suddenly I'm flooded with knowledge
>this was built on the grounds of what people used to call a theater
>there's a projector (in the future theaters don't have films made by other people, you watch what you think, and think what you watch)
>Almost lose my shit, I start thinking conspierinces about the world goverment, the world army, all the experiments
>what's a mother
>what is a meme
>why are those people's lips touching
>Leave confused
Yeah well anyways. That was that and this was this.
