Sir, do you want me to butter your crablegs also?
The fuck are crablegs
>crab legs
Is that actually served in US cinemas, what the fuck is wrong with you people. You do realize crabs are horrifying right?
I want you to butter my crableg
>>62888848
americans will eat anything as long as its buttered
>19 years old
>still no kino license
I'll get called r9k for this, but can anyone relate? I didn't have much interest but my parents have been pressuring me to get one for years because they are tired of having to take me in on their licenses.
>tfw even if I passed the test I would be no more able to see films because of the No Singles Policy
My gun seems to have jammed...think you can butter my chambers?
>Go to cinema
>Tyrone hogs the shower
>Like he hogs my wife
>>62888881
Even buttered butter?
>implying I would ever eat it without butter
>>62888848
>>62888881
Where do you guys live? Crab is pretty great.
Just a friendly reminder that if you don't eat Kosher food exclusively you're subhuman. Enjoy dying at your 40s from a heard attack, faggot.
>>62892225
Yes goyim. Kosher food is good for you.
>>62889156
I can get one of my falcons to take a look for you. You comfortable around 'grines? (that's code for peregrines in the falconry biz)
>>62892225
Oy vey!
>>62892225
rather die from delicious meat than the gas chamber
I had fried butter at a fair I went to in the summer. I felt bad about how much I enjoyed it
>>62892414
How the fuck do you fry butter? Don't you fry things with butter?
>go to cinema
>buy myself a salted and buttered medium popcorn and a coke
>go find my seat after passing my color vison test
>sip on my coke until the movie starts
>notice that my popcorn didn't get salted
>show my dissatisfaction by growling
>people tell me to shut up despite how mispleased I am
>decide that my cinema experience is ruined so I leave
>throw my popcorn back at the guy
>he thanks me for finally releasing him and explodes
>I try to comprehend that which had just happend
>I start to feel dizzy as my eyes slowly closes
>seconds later I open them and see that my family is standing over me crying
>I try to ask what's going on, but I can't
>I'm in a coma at a hospital
>years after years go by
>people comes less and less often to see me
>eventually one day it's been decided that they will pull the plug from the machine that's been keeping me alive
>I try to scream, but to no avail
>the worst experience you could ever imagine
>try to scream and fight this madness which is about to happen
>this is the end
>text comes into focus
>it's the credits
>I was watching the movie all along
>infuriated at this obvious scheme to keep me from complaining
>I jump out of my seat and march straight at the chief room
>I open door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur
>>62892442
It was a stick of butter, with bread crumb coating. It had some sweet dipping sauce too
>Singles policy
>>62892442
nature finds a way
>Walk into theatre
>Buy a tub of popcorn and drink for $254
>Sit in seat
>Notice the screen is dull
I hate when the projectionist forgets to wax the screen.
*swats away theater falcons with buttered crab legs*
>>62892476
THE PINNACLE OF CIVILIZATION
So is all of this based off of
"Me? I'd serve crab legs"?
>>62887539
no. now for the last fucking time, where are the showers?
>born in the theatre, grew up in the theatre, lived in the theatre and knew I would die in the theatre
>father was a ticket ripper, mother was a crab masseuse
>we lived with the rest of the theatre-born, in a huge building under the theatre. The building was shaped like a billiards board as seen from above, seven concentric circles dividing us between the theatre castes, with the lowest castes on the outside and the emperor of the theatre (Peace be upon him) in the center
>mother was born into class 5, the third lowest class of worker, which consisted of the seat warmers, the cage cleaners, the crab masseuse and the prostitutes for class 2. They were not often tipped and many times did their job for free
>father was class 3, a fairly respectable place among the theatre-folk, the outsiders were legally required to give a tip to any of these workers. Father had to work hard to get people to choose him as their ticket ripper, there were approximately 700 other ticket rippers at any given time on the floor
>father fell in love with mother on his way to inform one of the watchmen of a man attempting to break the no singles policy by disguising a horse as his wife. My father had the eyes of a hawk, and would never let any outsider slip by without the proper paperwork
1/?
>>62892606
>my father brought the man and his horse into the Class 2 designated interracial breeding grounds, where the dark skinned guardsman fornicate with the pale women of class 5.
>with two very dark, very large men inside her, my father and my mother met eachother's eyes, and it was love at first sight
>my father scrounged his tip money for three years, eating nothing but floor popcorn illegally sold by the class 6's floor lickers and drinking the dirty crab water that he stole from the gigantic underground crab hatchery
>in three years time father bought her from vice admiral ja'queen of the IBG, the law states she must be transferred to a different job within the class, since she never learned to speak (it was unnecessary as a slave for life to the IBG) he chose for her, crab masseuse.
>since the moment I could stand I was trained in the ways of ticket ripping
>i've honed my skill and tore all of my tickets perfectly for the ticket ripping certification exam held on my 18th birthday
>first day on the floor
>the whole day I'm trying desperately to get an outsider to choose me as their ticket ripper, my station is clean and flawless, my uniform is unwrinkled and spotless, my demeanor professional but friendly
>in the last few minutes of work an outsider male comes up to me, shakily hands me a ticket, which I tear flawlessly and hand back to him with a beaming smile
>I hold out my hand waiting for my first bit of tip money i've earned myself
2/3
>>62892637
>the man hands me a dirty green penny with a bit of gum stuck on it
>"I d-don't believe in tipping, g-get a real job" he tells me with a face of fearful defiance
>internally i'm in a vortex of torment, thinking about my dead mother and crippled father I have to feed with this penny
>externally I say "enjoy your movie sir" with a smile that seemed almost genuine
>we lock eyes one last time as he exclaims "y-you too"
>go to cinema
>sit down and start eating my popcorn
>hours go and the movie hasn't started yet
>look around and realise that I am alone
>finish my popcorn and come to the conclusion the movie won't start
>go to the toilet to evacuate my bowels
>go furtest in and begin pooping
>hear people screaming
>realise that I switched the rooms
>>62892278
Falcons are the dumbest shit added to this meme by you fucking dumbass NEET frogposters.
>go to cinema
>buy myself some popcorn
>find my seat and sit down
>movie starts
>grab some popcorn and start eating
>feel a crawling sensation in my mouth
>look in bag and see it's full of ants
>do nothing because I'm an anteater
Reposting gold from previous thread, this is not mine
>Want to see new Star Wars opening night
>Decide to prebook ticket
>Find only cinemahouse in the area without NSP
>It's a quote-along cinema
>Don't want to be fined for misremembering word so decide to order script from cinema website
>$40 plus tip
>Proceed to preorder ticket
>Essay question, 4000 words on 'Star Wars: Postindustrial infantilist dogma or trailblazing ode to identity multilinearilism in the modern age?'
>Completely forgot to prepare, but manage to get something down
>Lose marks for failing to reference enough papers by authors of colour, but scrape by
>Nearly there
>ATTENTION: This theatre has just introduced a No Singles Policy
>Ohshitohshit
>"Please provide scanned copies of both you and your partners passports, birth certificates and at least 5 years of employment history with references"
>Fail to gather documents in 10 minute timeslot
>No Singles Taskforce agents dispatched to my home
>Try to swallow the cyanide molar I have in case of such an event, turns out to be filled with halal-approved Tango
>Tried in front of Cinemilitary Tribunal
>One charge of gross theatrical misconduct
>One charge of attempted breach of NSP
>One charge of being willfully single
>One charge of hate crime due to lack of Inuit authors cited in my essay response
>Found guilty on all four
>6 months in the Cinema Brig
>On release day, forget to tip my CO
>Sentenced to three months hard labour in the popcorn mines
Interested to see if Abrams can pull it off all the same
>>62889156
>picture for ants
If you want something done right....
>>62892681
what a twist!
>>62887539
yes please
These threads are only supposed to happen during very early mornings when normie redditor Americans are sleeping A.K.A. international shitposting hour.
>went to cinema by myself
>bought two tickets because NSP, told security my gf will come later
>got in, everything went smoothly
>halfway through the movie
>sirens go off
>Anti-singles Task Force swoops in
>Guy in charge pulls out a megaphone, says there's a loner somewhere in the building, but everyone should stay calm because they have it under control
>oh fuck
>some fat cunt behind me starts yelling THAT'S HIM! GET THAT CREEP
>last thing I remember is that I woke up in Cinema Anti-singles Detainment Facility
>Officer ran me through social media database
>apparently you must have minimum of 200 Facebook friends and roughly the same number of Instagram followers
>I don't even have FB
>mfw
>minimum sentence for less than 200 friends is 25 years
>death sentence for no FB
>>62887539
>go to cinema
>having to do the same procedures for every cinema visit
>buy a small popcorn and a sprite
>find my seat at the second first row and in the middle
>make my way in and see something out of the ordinary
>adildoscrewed to the seat
>fuck you crabs
>look aroud and realise that I'll be the only one watching
>movie is about to begin so no time to remove it
>take out my pocket knife and make a hole in my pants
>I do not want to weird sitting without pants
>ease myself onto it
>halfway through the movie it starts vibrating making a huge amout of noise
>discover that if I clench my ass around it the noise gets almost silent
>do this for the remainder of the time despite being alone
>movie ends and the credits roll
>start a thread on 4chan and shitpost because I'm OP
>>62893200
or when the Aussies are awake
>>62892473
one of the worst pastas i've ever seen, here is a (You) for the try tho
>>62888848
>get in line to buy ticket for Spectre
>20 minutes later it's my turn
>ask for a ticket
>ticket lady frowns
>"You're white" she says
>learn that there's quota
>there are already enough whites for this showing so I need to wait for the next one
>ticket lady wants to be nice, so she says she can try to book me as a transexual
>tell her to leave it
And people wonder why movies make less money each year.
>>62892757
>getting mad about memes
I'm sorry they can't medicate your autism anon
>>62893244
Rip anon
>go to cinema
>ask for a ticket
>lady tells me this film is only for black people, no whites allowed
>put my hands in my pockets and walk away with a frown
>outside I notice some mud from the rain which had just passed
>clever idea
>I grab some mud and color my face and seen skin with it
>walk back inside and ask once again for a ticket
>success
>go find my seat and enjoy the movie
>halfway through the movie the light goes on
>the police comes in looking at everyone
>they eventually comes to me
>"Excuse me, sir. You match the descriptions. Please come with us"
>"You must be mistaken" I try to tell them, but to no avail
>I go with them to not get too much attention
>"You have been witnessed shoplifting no more than an hour ago. Your facial description matches, black, big nos-"
>I abrupt him "Wait, you've got the wrong guy! I'm not even black. This is all mud. See!"
>I try to rub away the mud off of my hands
>nothing
>I spit in my hands and desperately rub them on my hoodie
>nothing
>"Wait, wait"
>lift my hoodie to see my belly
>black
>"Enough of your shenanigans. You're coming with us!"
>realise I was black all along
>dayum
>Decide it would be a grand aul treat altogether to head to the pictures
>Wash the blood from beating my wife off my knuckles and tack the pony into the trap
>Head off for the village
>Parish hall has the projector up, showing The Quiet Man again
>Sure look it
>Young bucks are down the back chatting up a storm
>Settle down in next to the young lad of the Quirke's
>There alone and all so he is
>"Well Mick, any luck in the bog?"
>"Ah sure tippin away now you know yourself"
>Father O'Brien stands up to give the pre-film sermon on the blessed sacrament and how we'd do well to remember the Papal writ concerning contraception
>Quick few decades of the rosary and the films starts away
>Young bucks are still chatting about the county final down the back
>Father O'Brien tells them to whisht
>Remove their caps as is only right
>"Sorry now father"
>Keep on chatting away all the same though, talking about the county final no less
>Title Card comes up: The Quiet Man
>And doesn't the Father pipe up with "You'd be hard enough pressed to find one of them around here I'd say"
S A V A G E
A
V
A
G
E
>>62892827
>One charge of hate crime due to lack of Inuit authors cited in my essay response
jej
>go to local cinema
>strict NSP
>buy 2 tickets have hired bum payed in crab legs with me
>walk through theatre gatehouse
>cinema constable rips tickets hesitantly
>appears to recognize my bum
>sweating bullets
>nervously powerwalk onward and see ticket warden gesturing to nearby NSP commandos
>try to blend in the crowd as we slip into the move theater
>10 minutes into previews suddenly flashlights from front of theater
>cinema sheriff restrains us and reads us our Marlon Brando rights
>"you are under arrest for the solicitation of a known cinema escort"
>bum puts up a struggle but is quickly dispatched by cinema sniper
>they haul me off to NSP prison camps
>6 months probation for violating theater arrest
>mfw now a registered NSP offender
>you will never get served by a charming black man at a cinema counter
why live?
Do you crack them as well? It wouldn't make much sense to butter the cab legs before they've been cracked. Just let me use the butter from the hot butter tub on seat.
>walk into cinema with my gf
>tell 'em to check these dubs
it feels great everytimeI dream about it
>>62892473
this was extremely retarded and I can't believe you actually took the effort to type this, let alone think it was funny
>>62895536
that applies to your post as well, except for the funny part
>>62895927
Wait, so he can believe that he thinks his own post was funny? Why would he think that?
>>62892757
I'm so glad this makes you angry!
>>62896197
>my life is a joke
>>62892473
this was really bad anon, im sorry
>>62892606
>>62892637
>>62892652
This was amazing
>>62894736
>London cinematographical chamber of film culture is showing Lawrence of Arabia
>check to see if they have an NSP
>no, thank god
>tickets are usual price, 100 pounds
>sneak a bit from mums money bank
>hope tv tax isn't due before pay day
>enter cinema
>call to prayer begins
>face mecca as my imam instructed
>imam chants the holy words of Allah and The Prophet (PBUH)
>notice amerifat who refuses to face the site of the Holy pilgrimage
>inform the cinema's head inquisitor
>he sentences the amerifat to 20 lashings in accordance with sharia law
>as the fat americans cries for freedom and burgers go unheeded, I look to the projection box
>her majesty the queen looks back, and smiles
>>62892757
I made this meme, I'm glad you enjoy it friend!
>>62887539
>tfw too poor for crab legs
>tfw you wait in the back to pick at the shells
NO
I WANT YOU TO BUTTER MY WIFE THIS INSTANT TYRONE
>>62896159
>
you too
>>62896212
I'm sorry to hear that anon. I'll get you a falcon, it'll cheer you right up!
>eating meat
enjoy your dead animal flesh muderers
>Go to flick viewing building
>Flawless plan to beat the NSP
>Claim I have a headmate and order two tickets
>The ticket lady is forced by the management to let me in so they could stay PC
>Success
>All I have to do now is complete the Presidential Fitness Test
>Oh shit, I'm a fat Americlap
>Tell the management the test is ableist
>They agree and have to let me through again
>One last thing
>I have to write down my Tumblr username to get into the seating area
>FUCK
>Write down a random name
>Turns out it's a porn blog, with stuff like furry, incest, bestiality, vore, scat, etc.
>Management looks it up and kicks me out and bans me for life
>All I wanted to do was see the new Star Wars to see how it compared to the old ones because I'm George Lucas
>>62892757
you sound upset :)
>>62897119
>not complaining the theater isn't sex positive and are refusing to accept your sexuality
I did that and now I have free lifetime passes for Cinemark.
I have to wear a dress so they don't catch on but if you put on enough makeup and grow your hair out no one can tell.
I don't like doing it but it works.
>>62892473
i thought it was good, anon
>>62892208
MOAR CRABS
>tfw you get penetrated in the showers
>people who eat at the theater
>people who judge theaters based on the food
>>62887539
Of course I fucking do
>>62887539
Hello I would like to get my flick snacks from a white person.
>>62895210
>go to restaurant
>they make you shuck your own oysters
>>62888848
You do realise crab is some of the best tasting meat on the planet?
>>62892557
You catch on quick. Have you heard about Bane yet?
>>62897255
>I don't like doing it but it works
is that a fucking bugs bunny quote from tails gets trolled?
>>62888848
>You do realize crabs are horrifying right?
that's why we kill and consume them like the apex predators we are
>>62887539
bbutter me up...buck
>>62888848
isn't that a lobster
also i hate spiders but crabs/lobsters are hilarious to me and taste great
>enter the cinema facilities alone
>huge line, everyone seems nervous as fuck
>find out theres a new inspector general of cinema showers that's a real hard ass
>crab rice at the concession stand is way overpriced so i brought my own
>luckily i hid little baggies of it in my ass hole to not be detected in the showers
>no singles policy but I lie to the girl, said i have friends waiting for me, i think she knew i was lying
>enter the showers and inspector general bitch shows up, does penis inspection really thorough
>she comes up to me and begins penis inspection
>just as she looks under my balls one of the crab rice bags pops inside me, starts a chain reaction of exploding baggies inside my anus
>a diarrhea shit rocket of rice and crab legs shoots out my ass hole, leaving a huge mess on the shower floors
>they make me clean it up or pay a 400 quid fine
>try to smush the poo down the drain but gets all over my hands
>miss the movie
>>62892473
I mean its in fact bad but its so simplistic and childish I cant help but smile, have a (You)
>>62887539
>I AM AMERICAN AND I DEMAND A BURGER
>B-but sir we cant g-
>Muh second amendment
>muh gunz
>muh freedumbz
>muh joos
I met a fellow anon on here and we pretended to be a gay couple in order to beat the NSP at the local theatre. Everyone was getting suspicious so we had to make out several times to prove that we were datingI liked doing it :3
>he doesn't get a personal pan pizza, a large popcorn, a box of Sno-Caps, a thing of cheesy nachos, a Super Pretzel with cinnamon sugar glaze, 2 6-piece tendies with extra sweet and sour sauce, and a large diet cola at the theater
>>62898760
BOYPUSSY
O
Y
P
U
S
S
Y
>>62887539
>No gloves
Can I be served by a white man please?
