Hey 4chin,
OP here. Last spring I went on this board and asked for suggestions for the title on the student film I was working on. The premise was a Prisoner and a Guard are in one room with only a line of chalk between them. A sample of your best responses - and damn, there are some good ones in here:
Cuff and Collar
Blurred Lines
Walter White and Crazy 8 play Chess
Whose Line is it Anyway
Chalk is Cheap
White Chalk Down
Chalkative
Walk the Line
this line is fine
Are you chalking to me?
Line Point
Drawn together
Chalk it up
Lay lines
Two guys one line
La Linea
La Ligne
Die Linie
Lion
Soft, White, Porous Sediment
A line, one bitch, and no wardrobe
Checkmate, my cellmate
A comedy full of one liners
Alineation
And now it's time for OP to deliver. Here's the youtube links to both the teaser:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN9P8VGltLk
and the trailer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq5HQAbHDl4
If people are interested, I'll post the full movie later
P.S. (I'm a FunnyJunk native, so please excuse any faux pas)
You didn't fucking deliver: you named it Prisoner
>>63485390
I love you to.
Here's the full list:
Cuff and Collar
Blurred Lines
Walter White and Crazy 8 play Chess
Whose Line is it Anyway
Penitentiary
Penal Code
Prisoner
The Line
Line's Edge
Chalk is Cheap
White Chalk Down
Chalkative
Advanced Pawn
A Mirror Darkly
We Divided
Crossing the Rubicon
A Line too Far
Designated Station
Chalk
Line Games
Chalk Games
Chalk it up
Rail a line with me
Look who's chalking
Over the line
Life on the Line
Walk the Line
this line is fine
Are you chalking to me?
All down the line
Boundaries
The lineup
Obscure border
Visible edge
Breaking point
Drawn together
Line Point
On the Line
Chalk it up
Lay lines
Fences
Restraint
Personal Space
Drawn in Blood
A room
Two guys one line
La Linea
La Ligne
Die Linie
Lion
Advantage
Cell mate
Critical Position
Echos
Soft, White, Porous Sediment
Dichotomy
Line
A line, one bitch, and no wardrobe
LifeLine
Checkmate, my cellmate
Vital Line
Pantomimed
A comedy full of one liners
Chalk
Alineation
The Ward
Adjudication
Uploading to youtube right now.
I really this is literally the first film you've worked on because this looks awful. I've seen better fi.lms directed by 16 year olds.
>>63485333
I remember that shit. My name was better than the gay shit you chose. Go advertise your shitty student film somewhere else.
>>63485333
>LITERALLY using the Inception sound in your trailer.
jew
Some of those suggestions are hilarious, too bad you chose the most generic name of all.
Anyway, you know you've done some poor life choices if you have to resort to shilling your schlock on 4chan of all places.
>>63485333
>P.S. (I'm a FunnyJunk native, so please excuse any faux pas)
Literally worse than reddit, I'll let you off because of those sweet trips though.
>>63487632
hey man i shill by MDE ripoff channel here all the time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZPAjrBB8yY
Have you ever been so mad that you bend your obviously rubber nightstick?
Was that a sextoy OP?
>>63487933
kek
>>63485333
...This really stinks.
I'm sure you wanted some affirmation of the value of your effort or some kind of positive reinforcement, but this appears to have been a complete waste of your life.
>>63487933
>>63487933
Such production values!
>>63485333
OP, you're pushing some serious levels of debauchery there bravo. it's like you're a baby creature thingy for having 3 times the three but only a plus, which makes six, which means it's 666---demon!
good job though. but you're already pushing the mark of the beast so you and the HollyJew will get on nicely.
This looks bad. Like genuinely awful. It belongs in the trash.
>>63488161
Agreed
OP, are you still uploading this? I'm in need of a good laugh.
>>63485333
not one person suggested the chalk line?
and instead you go with 'prisoner'
Good work OP I'm proud of you for completing it.
>>63485333
Should have called it Suck My Chalk tbqhwy famadamndingdong.
>>63488259
It takes a lot to put yourself uut there for people to judge. It takes even more to make something despise everybody telling you not to or that it wont be good or some shit. good for OP, but this is trash and he should hang himself with an XLR cord.
I didn't realize Uwe Boll posted on here or was even making movies again!
>not "This Little Line of Mine"
disappointed
Let's continue this butt hurt train.
Full movie here: http://youtu.be/_XMkMrdf5PE
Constructive criticism appreciated but I don't expect a single one of you to do that.
I didn't post this to receive 4chan's love. I posted this to fulfill my promise. Come hell or high water, in sickness or in health, and even if it be against his honor, his country, his God, or his family OP must always deliver.
P.S. Shameless Internet whoring - Trips determines subject of next student film.
doesn't really look like you put much effort into this at all to be perfectly honest. seems like you lazily shat out a script in a day, and shot the thing in an afternoon. of course i'd have to watch it though to be able to judge it, but the trailer doesn't make me want to, it's actually really off putting
>>63488259
Thanks.
And just to let everyone else know -
I know that it's bad. It's a first time effort for nearly everyone involved in the production. Not an excuse, but we understand the reality of what we made.
>>63488879
To be honest op, the only bard part of the movie was the script, the actors, and the rubber dildo nightstick. I actually liked the premise and location. The actors were overdoing it though.
>>63488979
Appreciate you watching it.
We filmed it in the basement of a frat-style house and the entire time they thought we were filming a porno.
Oh wow. I remember those threads. They better be good op or else I'm gonna be very annoyed and make passive aggressive posts all thread...
>>63489306
To be honest -- the only bard part of the movie was the script, the actors, and the rubber dildo nightstick. I actually liked the premise and location. The actors were overdoing it though.
>>63488787
Was this inspired by some Oshima movie or something?
>>63487874
this is the most unfunny unoriginal thing I've ever seen. You might want to kill yourself
I like the trailers op. The only thing I didn't like was the lack of focus on the chalk line. You put a shot of it in the trailer but it didn't seem significant. Maybe reshoot a shot of the line making it more prominant in the trailer. Because from the look of it the line looks like it was just the prisoner passing the time by writing on the floor or something.
>>63487933
i guess fuck post-production, eh
>>63489446
You should just watch the full movie:
https://youtu.be/_XMkMrdf5PE
HIJACKING THIS THREAD WITH
my own short films, all of which are way better than this shit. Nah, theyre all made in a day on super 8 so you get what you fucking pay for. still check them out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeSRV6PEs_o
https://vimeo.com/145342125
https://vimeo.com/82471271
https://vimeo.com/145355974
>>63487933
Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough.
>>63489580
Homeboy, if you actually get a chance to shot on real film stock and not digital, don't just throw it away like that, "doing them in a day" as you say.
>>63488787
Well, those are 17 minutes of my life I will never get back. Unfortunately it wasn't even good in a so bad it's good way... it's just bad.
>>63489528
I did.
>board games are out of the question
First of all the piece positions change from cut to cut but not in any way that proves it is intentional. Seems like the scene was meant to be funny but there wasn't enough time to get situated to the chess game. If they had made multiple setup moves and a 'take' opportunity presented itself and then they realized their game was basically 'over'. That would have set it up better. It's still a gimmicky joke but at least then it reads as a joke and it still doesn't call enough attention to itself to make it a full-on comedy scene. The decision to pan the camera down to the chalk line under the broad to remind the viewer is smart. But there's no need to show shots of the players setting up the board.
Similar problem in the whole thing, timing and pace. Example, I am not surprised when the guard crosses the line for the first time because I've never seen him resist the temptation to cross it yet. The prisoner is basically beside himself when this happens because he takes the guard seriously. To the viewer the guard just seems like a sadistic psycho who doesn't even care that much about the line. Which is not what you were going for, I think. You wanted it to be surprising when he breaks through the line because the line has been established as some sort of 'rule' even for him but it really hasn't because there was no event before then.
Obviously it doesn't look good as a project. But it's student work and whoever made the decisions was smart enough to realize that this kind of location and a small number of characters are best to work with.
Not nearly as bad as people are making it out to be but it definitely loses its 'point' and its 'punch' among the writing and directing decisions.
>>63489725
I'm not, I love super 8, but they are the very definition of rushed by contest design, so I always warn people so I don't get my feelings hurt :(
ROAST ME
>>63485333
I remember this. Your sound man was Will Graham. He have any info on there being another season of Hannibal or is it over?
>>63489883
Ahh, the make a film quickly contests. I have such mixed feelings about them. They're fun to do but the product you're left with...
>>63489892
You remember! This is perfect.
I did a mash-up of the sound guy with Will Graham.
He says Hannibal is still alive in his heart. Who knows, maybe a Twin Peaks kind of revival some years later?
>>63489829
>The decision to pan the camera down
>pan down
Don't forget to go to film school tomorrow :^)
>>63489580
If that was all in one take, it was impressive.
The sheathing of the knife was the best image.
Trailer of our second film: https://youtu.be/KcjIhbBbKFA
It's better, but not yet best. I'll post the full thing in its own thread tomorrow.
>>63490072
Tilt?
I think you get what I mean.
>>63490244
>Tilt?
>I think you get what I mean.
Then use the correct term.
>>63490213
It's in one take in the sense that we can't edit or see the footage and only have a few hours to get it done. So everything you see is the only time it was filmed. In a few instances we did practice runs though.
>>63488787
>next subject
person is fucked up from believing in ayylmaos/demons/conspiracy whatever.
>>63488787
I'll provide some actual criticism, though I'm only 3 minutes in.
The actors are probably the biggest problem, and it sort of poisons everything else. That said, it could have been slightly avoided if they were given less dialogue. Much less dialogue. Not everything needs words or explanation. I'd be more interested in the film if the "line" were never expanded upon, and it were simply left up to the prisoner to discover the consequences. This may not be possible depending on how the story unfolds, but anyway.
Not only is there too much dialogue, but you start out with it way too early into the film. There's no build up. I can kind of understand why you might do that; you likely want to establish the premise as soon as possible to get into what you believe to be the "good stuff". That's just a guess though. Either way, I think it would've helped if you provided much more time for the viewer to become accustomed to the room. The dimensions, identifying characteristics, I don't know. It just feels so sudden.
It doesn't help that the dialogue is further hurt by the fact that the recordings aren't the best they could be. Whether or not that's due to technical limitations doesn't really matter. It still hurts the overall production, and probably should've been used sparingly for that reason alone.
But that's just like, my opinion, man.
>>63489580
>>63485333
My Stannis Baratheon fan video is better than your "film"
>>63490285
Alright but you got to admit the shot where he must have whipped his ridge around 360 to get a view of the other side of the cell was pretty sweet. Must not have even been mounted on one of those thingamajigies to get that fluidity in the tracking. I can only imagine the specs on his lens to get that kind of clarity of vision in the image. Literally, the frame rate had me climaxing, just one of those unique moments where you could see every grain and the colors were popping. Haven't seen a high angel or dutch angel crap shot like that in awhile, not since The Third Man directed by Carol Reed which I had finished watching about a week ago for my introduction to cinematic achievement 351 course. Thanks for keeping me grounded though, that's why I frequent here.
>>63490446
Yes, it's very overwritten. It used the capability of the script and not the capabilities of film to communicate the story.
>>63488787
You need to work on your camera shots, anon. Don't try to do "cool" shots. Your telling a story with your camera lens. Take away the dialogue, I have no idea what's going on.
>>63489829
You're correct. The direction for the guard was misdirected and instead of him being a real person who just wants the prisoner to say on his side so that the guard can stay on his, the guard comes across as psychotic, as a Joker rip-off.
>>63490540
Yep, we didn't have any steady-cam technology, only a basic tripod and hand-held. Our camera was a Canon, Mark series. So thanks for enjoying some of those shots.
The concrete wall was a very photogenic one. The wall on the Guards was all wood paneling and looked wrong for the atmosphere, so we never lit that wall. That's why the Guards side is always dark.
In regards to the Third Man, I think Now-a-days people call it a canted angle instead of a Dutch angle.
>>63490618
Yes, a better shooting pattern would have established a better sense of delineated space, of this side is mine and this side is yours and we do not go into each other's spaces.
Instead, there's a lot of shot-counter shot that occurs only to facilitate the dialogue. Ultimately a consequence of being overwritten.
>>63487933
Actually, I knew a prison guard who had a nightstick made of rubber and was hollow inside. It was for beating the fuck out of people and not leaving much evidence.
>>63488787
Next film: Failed filmmaker kills himself
>>63490874
Did you rush into shooting? Did you a storyboard? If not, you should use a storyboard. Be mindful of your ego, brah.
Also as an exercise, try making a short without dialogue. See if you can tell a story and express the emotion with only the camera.
>>63491343
I'll show our second film tomorrow and the after that, a short with only one line of dialogue that we've been working on.
>>63491394
Dialogue's a common issue with young filmmakers. Not because it sucks, but rather they use it as a crutch. Is that one line of dialogue important? Why did you feel the need to include dialogue?
![1321925340677[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/9ZFMKvm.jpg "1321925340677[1].jpg")
>>63488787
>>63488787
>>63485333
Gotta admit, this is pretty bad. I guess props for making it in the first place, that's the first step towards getting better at your craft. But this is still student-production level quality acting, story telling, writing, and camera work. And the lighting is awful by the way, but I assume you only used some default arri kit.
>>63488787
>Playing Chess
The Ultimate student production cliche. Learn from your mistake.
>That Mono Audio
GET BETTER SOUND QUALITY. That would dramatically improve a lot about this boring short movie.
>>63488787
That is literally the worst possible casting you could have made with the guard. Fucker looks like a gardener.
>>63491652
Buy me a better microphone. I take Venmo.
>>63491573
For lighting, we had three panels of LED lights.
>>63485333
Why would you make a "teaser" for a "film" literally nobody is anticipating?
>>63485333
I remember this thread
Forgot what I posted but I know it was a name for the movie, than also made fun of you for having shit tier lighting and called you a faggot
http://archive.4plebs.org/tv/thread/55129655
OP is the queen of faggots
>>63488787
The camerawork and music is pretty good, the script isn't good, and the acting isn't very good. Especially the guard guy - horribly miscast.
>that lighting
>those props
>shadows following the camera man
Kill yourself nigger
>>63488787
>17 minutes
i'm not watching all that shit
>>63488787
>first line of "dialogue" is delivered
>NOPE so hard I accidentally close several other tabs
I'm not even going to go in depth about how just godawful the acting is (find a local theater troupe or even moderately experienced people, then do several takes until you're satisfied; don't cast friends), most of you're problems are with even understanding what purpose dialogue should serve in a production and what the audience's expectations are when it comes to that dialogue. I know you're young, but I'm not going to sugar-coat anything for you because if you are serious about this kind of thing, you need to read books about screenwriting, dialogue, how to reveal your characters to your audience, and how to properly frame and pace scene.
I'm sorry you brought this to 4chan and I wish you the best, but goddamn man, just please get better before you release another one of these.
Is OP thefemaledirector?
Should have gone with Chalkative, OP
>>63492220
Which books?
Student film thread? Here's one I worked on with a group in year 11 for a silent film festival and the music was something we basically had to use.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fv4iZPLTdzc
>>63492295
It's been awhile since I've been in OP's state, but depending on what subject you're talking about, there's some good intro material out there, like:
>Syd Field's and David Trottier's books on the craft of screenwriting
>Mamet's On Directing Film
>The Art of Dramatic Writing by ... I can't recall
>>63492387
also i would post my year 12 film too but because i used copyright music, they muted my audio which includes the dialogue as well. absolutely fucked
>>63489596
Ok, you're ok now.
>>63492449
By been awhile you mean you're significantly better now or you've stopped entirely? Got anything you're willing to show either way?
Thanks for the recs.
>>63492251
> Is OP the female director?
>>63491767
>Buy me a better microphone.
My guess is yes.
>>63492518
Sorry, I'd rather not be professionally identifiable on a Burmese Python enthusiast message board as publicly reviled as /tv/....but I love it here
-Actors are definitely a big problem. But it's a student film so I guess it's expected.
-Framing could use work. You are cutting off their heads a lot of the time, this is pretty bad. Many of the shots are poorly thought out, except for those where you use a symbolic divide between the two characters, and even some of those are not perfectly centered/framed.
-No foley. I'm not sure why you decided not to include more sound effects/foley.
-Prisoner's uniform could use a little weathering, it's far too clean.
-Editing is by far the worst problem, it's a mess. Continuity errors (perhaps intentional), inappropriate use of jump cuts, lots of unnecessary fluff that I guess was used to extend the running time, poor pacing, and most importantly the editing lacks concrete narrative sense.
-Lighting is pretty bad. Obviously you just blasted a couple of lights without thinking about their placement in a lot of the shots. Some shots are underexposed/poorly lit. There is also a lack of consistency in certain places, makes the whole thing look amateurish. Go learn three-point lighting, you desperately need to.
-There is no real tension, no build-up, the whole thing just falls flat on its face.
-I dislike how the dialogue just disappears at certain points. This is just me, because i'm pretty sure you did this for effect, but I think it is distracting and poorly executed.
-There is a lot of "telling" and not enough "showing". You are making the dialogue carry the burden of the story. Filmmakers tell stories VISUALLY, the dialogue should be the icing on the cake.
I'm not sure you've learned anything of value at film school since your short has many technical problems. Do these problems make it a bad film? No. Ultimately it's the story that makes it bad. The whole thing felt pretentious and self-important, and it's very narcissistic of you to think anyone would care enough to watch what is a perfect example of artistic masturbation.
>>63485333
I'm gonna upload my short film before new years, I've posted the trailer a few times already but for those who haven't seen it...
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lTvpV8eKPiQ
Thoughts?
>>63492620
are we that reviled? It's not like we're /b/ or /pol/ are we?
>>63492750
I don't fooken get it, m8
>>63492620
What kind of work do you do? Specifically, have you worked on major pictures or have you spearheaded your own lower budget stuff?
>>63492797
Every time there's fallout about black actors getting cast or some bullshit about some other SJW shit and it people start bitching about it on Twitter, where do you think those people originate?
/tv/ is the board with the shittiest culture and currently the most exposure in a roundabout way. Don't think people don't know about this place.
>>63492807
>Shop owner tries to organise an insurance fraud scam
>Gets help from a friend
>Looks for a guy to do the job
>Gets wrong person who takes the entire set up out of context
I'll post the film here, I have one version that better explains it than ny initial cut.
>>63492693
For the lighting, what shots specifically looked bad to you? I thought most shots have average lighting (barely having lights is not much of an excuse) with a few nice shots here and there - but which shots did you think had actively bad lighting?
I'm making mistakes to not make them again.
>>63492449
>>63492518
eh I wouldn't recommend Syd Field and David Trottier even if they make for an OK introduction on the subject of format. Syd Field's book is kind of worth reading, it sure is a fun read, but it's not a very good one to really learn the fundamentals of storytelling. Robert McKee's Story gives a better foundation for screenwriting than the typical paint-by-numbers approach. Most of these books are interchangeable when it comes to structure but Story goes much more in depth into explaining why certain things work.
One book that I would highly recommend to all screenwriters that nobody seems to ever talk about is Overhearing Film Dialogue. I would also recommend you read Writing for Emotional Impact (another absolute must have), Rewrite and the Elements of Style.
Whatever you do, don't bother with Save the Cat! lol
>>63488787
>a majority of the audio works on the right side and not on the left
>that shit acting
>light source appearing in different parts
>literally explaining the entire purpose of your piece of shit movie in the first 2 minutes
>camera work has no style
>the music not even fitting in
>0 depth or reason to give a shit
>no build up what so ever
I hope you all get desperate grades, the person who did the music should be the only one who passes your class
>>63493524
Every single one
Every single God damn shot has the light in one place completely different than before or follows the camera
>>63488376
retarded vizzard in ze forest
>>63489580
Holy shit these were way better than I expected, and better than OPs.. lack of dialogue helps.
OP you are a genius and /tv/ doesn't understand your work at all.
>>63489580
Dinosaur one is great, and that mad maxish one is okay too.
>>63488787
too much dialogue not saying anything.
look forward to the sequel Look Who's Chalkin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
>>63489580
the first one was ok considering. timing on music could be tighter
>>63490050
That nigga looks like Billy Zane and from the look of it hes gonna look even more like him in 5 years
>>63495867
and this is exactly why female directors are not as good as male ones. Women go through their life with white knights like this faggot trying to hand them shit and it creates a softer person less critical of themselves and complacent to mediocrity.
>>63485333
needs to be more lit
>>63496572
>and this is exactly why female directors are not as good as male ones. Women go through their life with white knights like this faggot trying to hand them shit and it creates a softer person less critical of themselves and complacent to mediocrity.
Wait what, it's a woman?
>>63496572
you sound like an awful person
