Ah... So you want that know how I, the Memecredible Deadpool, would react to Batman V Superman, the best worst superhero movie of 2016? Well, you can get it right here, straight from the horse's mouth. See it? It's riiiight in there. That's it; closer, closer... too close, dumbass. You know they say to never look a gift horse in the mouth.
Ahem. Shall we begin?
>During the opening scene, where Martha Wayne’s necklace snaps in slow-mo
Hey look! That lady's necklace is doing what my body did in my movie's opening credits scene! Look here, momma: it's only sexy when it's done for a meaningful purpose, like making gratuitous ass grabs towards culturally informed money monkeys.
>The bathtub scene with Lois and Clark
They even make doing ‘it’ look somber and serious! I didn’t think that was (super)humanly possible until now.
Stop by my side of the cinema if you want to know how super-powered assholes really get it done. You’ll be doing yourself a favor over this sob story.
>During the scene teasing the other members of the Justice League
Ya know, I can't help but feel that this montage is forgetting someone special. Green suit, energy ring, flies around outer space wrecking up shit? Ring a bell? No?
>During Superman’s congressional hearing, where Lex leaves “Granny’s peach tea” on Senator Finch’s desk
This ‘Lex’ guy is my cup of tea; just not, uh, that, cup of ‘tea’. You sick fuck—you even included an explosion at the end! Did someone sneak a peek at my birthday wish list?
>The whole “Martha” scene
Ah, the wondrous miracle that is the human language. I wish this kinda shit was how problems were actually resolved in the real world, because I’m pretty sure those kinds of things only happens in fairy tales, and only the ones whose intended audiences aren't allowed to go to the restroom unless their dada escorts them to the toilet by hand.
Heck; I used my words, and it turned me into a superhuman prune that spent the better half of his film chasing an asexual wombat named Francis. Not the best way to go down.
Don’t believe everything you see in movies, kids, and sure as hell don't think a few words will stop a weapon-toting, psychopathic vigilante out for vengeance from going full gang rape on you. I would know.
>That one combat scene where Batman takes down Martha Kent’s captives
Oh, jeez... I could totally fap to this shit; am, was, will, done. AW, fuck—did he just mash a guy through a crate? Now that’s the stuff!
Though I should point out this “Batman” guy could learn a thing or two about being more conservative with his bullets. Those things do not grow on trees.
>Superman being the one to carry the Kryptonite spear to finish off Doomsday
Oh sure, make the guy who has a weakness to the green rock be the one to shove its spear up the rock troll’s ass. Because that makes total sense
>When a dead Superman is very clearly revealed to NOT be dead
Not this shit again. The only thing I hate more than comic book superheroes dying and coming back to life is my main man Francis, and I think we all know just how much I love him.
That’s why I gave up on dying a few months ago, ya ding dongs! It’s the easy way out, and it avoids those peskily overpriced funeral expenses. You should really try it some time.
Jesus this is some cringe shit
>Other random comments, interspersed throughout the film
*Yawn* “There's still an hour and a half left? I think my grandmother's funeral was more lively than this slobber fest. Wake me up when someone's hand gets cut off.
Hmm… a rich guy builds a robotic suit and teams up with an alien treated like a god and others to thwart a comedic douchebag after an initial misunderstanding? Now where I have I heard that story before…?
This movie's plot has more holes than the inside of my aunt's signature Swiss cheese and tuna sandwiches. And let me tell you, those clusterfucks are NOT a pretty sight
'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.’ Apparently whoever stitched together this mess missed that memo.
Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman… it seems like every superhero name nowadays just takes the gender’s noun form and attaches some descriptive word to the front of it.
But not me—I'm an equal opportunity provider. You can assign whatever sick, perverted sexual fantasies to me you want independent of gender, and I’ll more than happily live them out. You know my motto: as long as it can be humped, I'll be the one doing the humping. I’ve even Rule 34'd Rule 34
>After the movie ends
The real lesson here, folks, is that taking depressed grown men trashing a city in the name of heroism and calling it a film is never a good plan. Instead, come watch me, an angry asshole who trashes a city in the name of heroism! I can personally promise that it'll satisfy all of your deepest orgy fantasies, and so much more. I'll see to that first part myself, if I have to
I kek'd desu.
>>70799675
Did I leave the stove on? *ding*
HELLA EPIC
What the fuck?
>roleplaying a comic book character
>roleplaying at all
I hope you boil to death
>>70800365
>hella epic
God when did this board become a haven for cringe shit
>>70800961
I see sarcasm is beyond your intelligence. You must be american
Why did you write this?
Reported
>>70799675
This is worse than the guy who dreamed he was from the hood and met will smith.
why?
>>70799675
I didn't know Daniel Way posted on 4chan
>>70799675
kill yourself
>>70800988
Sure
>>70799675
is this meant to be a cringe thread?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDMJpsDNg28
