Cursed Child, the canon sequel play to the books just had it's first preview and the plot is genuinely worse than garbage fanfiction
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/06/10/harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-spoilers-here-s-the-plot-of-the-play.html
Rowling is already in full damage control mode and is calling anyone who discusses spoilers Wormtongues.
https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/status/741736176034418688
Even Reddit and Tumblr hate it, the play script is released July 31st and this could be a bigger shitstorm than the Phantom Menace
Fuck off, we don't need another pointless, permanent general thread devoted to some childish franchise.
>This blond boy introduces himself as Scorpius Malfoy, son of Draco. Despite the kids’ open discussion that his real father could be Voldemort, Albus decides to stay.
>Albus is intrigued by this older girl with silver and blue hair
>Bane, the centaur,
>She tells him to get back to school or he’s going to ruin Voldemort Day.
>Every conversation in this alternate reality ends by people crossing their wrists and saying: For Voldemort and valor.
>Every girl at Hogwarts is hoping Scorpius—known as the Scorpion King—will ask them to the Blood Ball. The other kids do his homework.
>Snape lets him into a secret room where Hermione and Ron are in hiding. Hermione is the most wanted wizard in the world.
I can't go on, it's just too funny
>>70749420
BANE?
>>70749439
They work for the centaur, the horse man
>Perhaps they're wondering why you would jinx a boy before throwing him from his broomstick.
>Yer a big wizard, Harry.
>For you.
i thought she was done with the harry potter universe
>>70749570
She's doing this play and is scripting a movie trilogy spinoff about the fantastic beasts guy. Literally the opposite of done.
>>70749641
She came in and helped produce the play, but it's written and performed without much involvement on her part. I'll never understand why she thought it was good enough to call it canon though.
>>70749670
She came up with the plot and got someone else to write it, she was also definitely involved in casting.
>>70749258
>caring about her opinion after the release of 7th book
coming up with stupid information to keep her in news.
>hermione is black
>dumbledore is gay
fuck you bitch.
>>70749420
holy shit i thought you were joking.
>>70749439
tell me about mars! why does it shine brightly?!
Give me a reason not to fuck your shit up again, /v/ crossie
You know I know who you are
>>70749258
Just be honest with me here /tv/ is that time traveling shit about Hermione not ending up with Ron real? Sure, it was forced to begin with but actually doing it really pisses me off.
So... is it?
>>70749258
Just get a seat at the play and stream it for the world to see :)
Wait, is Snape not dead?
Shit fanfic that should be laughed at is now considered acceptable.
>>70749828
Not in the Voldermort universe, which isn't so bad considering
>>70749793
Ron is barely in the play and his relationship with Hermione is barely covered. They don't get divorced or anything.
>>70749847
>the Voldemort universe
Holy shit, there are alternate timelines? This is theaterpotterkino.
>>70749258
>Even Reddit and Tumblr hate it,
Why do you know this? Are you finally admitting youre not from here?
>>70749258
>Written by J.K. Rowling
>Rose Granger-Weasley
Ron is a confirmed cuck
>>70749861
Gatsby is shit though.
>>70749420
>>Bane, the centaur,
>>70749856
Thanks anon... i really found that level of fan fiction beneath Rowling and was pretty sure it was fake but you know... better writers have gone full retard to keep milking their franchises so one can never know.
>it's a JK Rowling thinks her success is attributed to the quality of her writing and not the movies episode
>>70749942
You're shit, Odran, you low IQ
>>70749847
>Voldermort universe
So wait, they're actually dealing with alternate realities now?
>>70749420
What the fuck?
Why do people give so much shit about a play. Is there also going to be a book next to it?
>>70749258
waitasec. are people actually confusing quality with the Harry Potter franchise? have you tried reading any of it? the writing is fucking atrocious. how is teh sequel any worse?
jeez, there must be more kids on this board than i thought, or really deluded adults.
>>70750002
Because Rowling said it was canon
>>70749974
>thinking potter wasn't gigantic before the joints
You will immediately cease and not continue to access the site if you are under the age of 18.
>>70749258
Is this play going to be uploaded online or be available to buy on DVD?
otherwise why are we discussing a play that we will never see?
>>70749861
for real though fanfag. when are you going to stay on /r/Harrypotter or /v/
>>70749420
Does this mean Bane is the Stallion who Will Mount The World?
>>70749454
IF I SADDLE YOU UP
COULD I RIDE YOU
>>70750002
>Why do people give so much shit about a play.
Because they need to get likes on facebook for being ""nerds"".
>>70749974
Are you joking, or were you just not alive in 1999?
![book[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/8lLZxzS.jpg "book[1].jpg")
>>70750002
July 31st
>>70749861
Why the fuck isn't Dune in this list?
REEEEEEEEEEE
Hilarious!
>>70750114
what the actual fuck...? I thought this was just a play not a book as well
>>70749861
>Muh Gatsby
>>70749861
>Glow in the dark not below shit-tier
>>70749258
HOW CAN HERMIONE CHANGE SKIN COLOR IF IT IS CANON? DID SHE BECOME ONE OF THOSE GANGURO SLUTS? IF SO I'M FINE WITH THAT.
Time traveling was stupid in the third book and just raises the question "why was it never used again?"
This play is somehow even worse, they just jump between different time periods and fuck shit up.
rowling fucked up in book 1 anyway for not making draco malfoy a girl.
instead of harry banging a used up ginger whore he could have had a 10/10 aryan slytherin tsundere girl.
>7 books of serious sexual tension between harry and femdraco
>femdraco being the ultimate tsundere
>getting in to fights with harry, insulting like male draco did in the books, they dont have to change those parts.
>but when femdraco gets to bed she cant stop thinking about harry when she touches her self, and she hates her self for it.
>in the last book when draco has his redemption part, make it so that she and harry kiss when harry saved her.
>instead of another retard weasley kids harry can have superior potter/malfoy children.
>every night when he gets home from his job at the ministery he gets to bang his 10/10 wife pic related.
>>70749977
desu Gatsby is pretty bad.
Ulysses is where its at.
>>70749856
>They don't get divorced or anything
I'd consider it if my wife suddenly became black
>>70749258
I never understood why people like Harry Potter. I got the first book for Christmas though I didn't even ask for it and never finished it because of how boring it was. I saw the first two films in cinema because I got the tickets for free and they were boring as fuck too.
>>70750145
>So we could not make it into a book and make nothing
>Or we could make it into a book as well and make even more money for next to no effort
Voldemort treated Bellatrix like furniture. He hated family bonds and was a sociopathic soulless immortal snakeman
why would he have a daughter
>>70750178
you had to be a kid to like them.
Plays and books are not /tv/ related just because /lit/ makes you insecure.
Pedophilia is also not fine just because you like the game of thrones janny(I know you're in here)
>>>/lit/
>>>/asp/
>>70750206
WHEN WAS BELLATRIX PREGNANT
>>70750144
omg this so true! XD
Did we get any explanation as to why Voldemort looked like a snake at the end or is it just a British thing?
>blood ball
so goffik
This might actually be watchable though
>>70750178
The first two movies aren't very good. It gets way better with the third one.
>>70750165
you're everything wrong with internet fanbases
>>70749880
>>70749993
they use the last time turner and fuck with the past, which leads to a present where Voldemort won
this is pure shlock
>>70750231
BELLATRIX HAD A HUSBAND WHERE THE FUCK WAS HE?
>>70750230
>just because /lit/ makes you insecure.
>tips fedora
>looks over at shelf of pseudo-intellectual books
>smiles to self
>unsheathes katana
>That feel when people looked at you as if you are worse than Hitler for saying you disliked Harry Potter
>>70750178
>I never understood why people like Harry Potter. I got the first book for Christmas though I didn't even ask for it and never finished it because of how boring it was. I saw the first two films in cinema because I got the tickets for free and they were boring as fuck too.
Because you were 5 when the first one was read to you by your parents?
>Different timelines and universes
So Rowling is copying Wheel of Time then?
>>70750114
What's with the whole part 1 and 2 is this like those African CGI meme movies?
>>70750280
>they use the last time turner and fuck with the past
THAT'S NOT HOW TIME TURNERS WORK. THE EVENTS OF BOOK THREE ESTABLISH THAT THEY ONLY UTILIZE SELF-FULFILLING CLOSED TIME LOOPS. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>70750165
One thing Rowling was shit at (among many) was writing relationships. There was NO indication of Ron and Hermione having any interest in each other, and basically she just deux ex'd em together because she figured Hermione had to get together with someone at the end. Then she decided to give Harry the ginger's sister, despite having not mentioned her once for like 5 books.
>>70750327
The play is split into two parts, the book is the adaptation.
Why would Voldemort waste time travel on cuckolding draco
>>70750165
You literally described drarry. Draco is head over heals for harry, canonically.
Why should he be a girl? How would your faggot fantasies come true then??
>>70750252
10/10 britbong male.
but it probably had something to do with splitting up his soul so many times.
>>70750269
right, its better to have a forced romance plot with ginny that came out of nowhere because JK cant write for shit then to have a romance plot between harry and his female rival that slowly builds up on the background over the span of all the books.
>>70750344
this, the forced ginny romance plot or ronxhermoine polt was just stupid.
even rowling had to admit that ron and hermoine would never work out.
>>70750307
Very ironic considering this thread. How old are you?
>>70750252
Yeah, all Brits look like snakes didn't you know? We're the snake nation.
>>70750418
>Draco is head over heals for harry, canonically.
since when is draco malfoy in the books gay?
he even maried a woman at the end with kids.
>>70750370
to produce a villain for the sequels
>>70749420
>Bane, the centaur
>>70750418
>faggot fantasies
you now it would be a hetero relationship if draco where a female right?
I left a comment on buzzfeed saying I couldn't wait for it to be "spoilt" as i had no chance of ever seeing it. and got a whole lot of backlash about how I should just buy the script
And I was quite right.
no fucking way am I reading a script. Especially when it involves this nonsensical fanfiction bullshit.
>a girl with blue and silver hair that is the daughter of Voldemort
Literally muh special girl written by an 11 year-old
>>70750461
Because gays ingrained in a culture that makes them hate themselves for their own desires have never married and made children just to keep up appearances before.
>>70749258
Go back to /lit/, faggot.
>>70750434
>right, its better to have a forced romance plot with ginny that came out of nowhere because JK cant write for shit then to have a romance plot between harry and his female rival that slowly builds up on the background over the span of all the books.
this a terrible attempt at a strawman
>harry's romance with ginny sucked so they should've made draco a girl
>if you don't like my idea, you support ginnyxharry
again proving yourself to be everything wrong with internet fanbases
I don't like black people. especially black women.
>>70750165
>Harry nearly murdering Femdraco in book 6 with sectumsempra and feeling horrible and guilty after it
Yes senpai, is there a fanfic for this? I need this.
>>70749258
>EL JUSTO
smelly dumb beaner scum
why didn't they just go back in time and kill tom riddle as a baby?
>>70750492
We can't
they make us really upset and /tv/ is the closest thing we have to reddit and tumblr
>>70750461
I'm saying he was obsessed with Harry for like 6 years. All the fights he initiates with him, the way he constantly devotes time to bully him - if Draco was fem, everyone would have been convinced they had something going on. That's how heteronormativity works.
Once again Max Landis has an opinion on something:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_aYdLD3R1k
>>70750528
These shit skins are forcing another meme for this trash series my friend
I will post for details when available. I've already caught 2 of them(both again beaners)
You are now aware that at the end of Order of the Phoenix, when Harry is feeling Voldemort's joy and pleasure at some unknown event that he had not experienced in many years through his scar, he is actually feeling Voldemort cumming inside Bellatrix.
>>70750536
Finally someone with taste. Ulysses is GOAT
>>70750440
See I would think you knew what irony meant based on how you think you're intellectually superior than everyone else. But I guess that's wrong. Go back to /lit/ and pretend to be smart.
>>70750572
Who?
Reading that synopsis gave me cancer. It really is like a terrible fanfic.
>>70750481
That's exactly what I was saying. If Draco were fem, it wouldn't be gay, and that would be disgusting desu
>Bitching about spoilers
She can want to keep it a secret, but she's foolish to think it's likely or even possible in this day of Twitter.
>>70750307
>twenty something year old manchildren discussing a poorly thought out childrens franchise and why the changes don't fit their manchild sensibility
NOW thats what I call fedoracore my friend
do you play videogames/videogames in public too?
>>70750496
now you are making asumptions
at this point it would have been better then to gave no relationships at all in the books because they all turned out so bad.
i just think that making draco a girl would not change much of the story and be a better outcome for the romance plot.
also, it would make slytherin look a lot better then the "all slytherin students are evil" thing that was going in the books.
>>70750505
there probably is, dont expect quality writing.
>>70750562
wel they where rivals in many ways.
i got the feeling that draco was just jelly about harry in the books and thats where his obsession came from
>>70750610
okay, whatever gets you hard anon.
>>70750486
>>70750608
I wonder if that's what Rowling was going for. Maybe this play is a meta commentary on fanfic retardation.
>>70749695
>Dumbledore is gay
He was a faggot in the books too, faggot
>>70750608
Just like the rest of the series you imbecile.
>>70750582
Is there any nsfw fanfiction with scar-connection voyeurism?
>>70750649
>implying I wasn't browsing the thread and that was my only post in it
Don't you have some pseudo-intellectual book to read or view a summary of online? It must take a lot of effort pretending to be smart.
>>70749691
Didn't she used to say working time travel into the series was a mistake? I didn't think she'd be stupid enough to go back on that.
>>70749420
>father could be voldemort - 11 years old
>9 years after the last book
So like somewhere around Prisoner of Axkaban? Wasn't Voldemort some snakefag growing out of the back of that one guys head at that point? Who the hell was he fucking with his snakedick?
>>70750677
No he wasn't. Rowling just came out years later and retconned him into a fag for SJW points.
>>70749861
>That pic
>>70750694
wtf that was my first post too
does this mean we're posting friends now?
>>70750165
where can I find fanfiction of this?
>>70750677
A genocidal faggot, the dude was actually planing with grindelwald to enslave all humans at one point.
Time Turners don't work that way
Amos Diggory had come to terms with Cedric's death even before book 7
I'm just going to stop here and say that even most fanfiction doesn't fuck up canon this hard
>>70749861
>I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing.
>Copypasta bait
>>70749861
This 2bh they're dogshit and the third one is the only one that tried to be something more. Drones will tell you the first two are good, but its a tumblr meme by mongs trying to impress people on facebook.
>1
Despite clocking in at over two solid hours, the movie fails to properly set up and develop its characters and their back-stories, there is almost no build up and, even worse still, chemistry between the actors here. - 0/5
>2
Cramming in every "plot point" you can find in the book does not engaging storytelling make, and it's a wonder there ever was a third movie. - 0/5
>3
Splendid. An entirely enjoyable pop fantasy adventure that never for a moment insults the intelligence. By very very very very far the best of the Potter movies, the only one that manages to capture the funky mad energy of J.K. Rowling's hogwash. - 2/5
>4
Easy come, easy go. - 0/5
>5,6,7,8
Didn't see them
>>70750206
He wanted to try getting his little snake wet
>>70750754
just google femdraco, but seriously, dont expect quality writing.
its all shit.
>>70750573
heres one
https://twitter.com/herssoncruz/status/741817818975342592
![yNlQWRM[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/bjsgFV3.jpg "yNlQWRM[1].jpg")
>sorting hat takes Albus to house he doesn't like
Wasn't the would point of the books series was make your own choices instead of letting destiny control you?
>>70750738
>SJW points in 2007
no I think she always planned for him to be gay but she just pussied out in the books but still wanted the press after they came out.
>>70750829
if that's the case then who the fuck asks to be put in Hufflepuff??
>>70750829
Breath has nothing to do with freedom.
>>70750867
>>70750252
He heavily transformed his body using black magic to try to become as powerful as possible and to never die. A lot of his self-invented black magic involved snakes, probably because he grasped so heavily onto his Slytherine heritage as a way of coping being born to a what he thought was a weak muggle mother.
>>70750846
Honestly he was like 90 years old and didn't get any pussy. He had to be a faggot anyway, unless the woman he loved was his sister or he and Minerva had a thing we didn't knew about.
>>70750866
People that aren't assholes, heroes wannabes or smartasses. Hufflepuff best house.
>>70749420
>>>Every conversation in this alternate reality ends by people crossing their wrists and saying: For Voldemort and valor.
top fucking kek
wasn't harry as a character designed to be a self insert for the reader to explore the world, he had no distinct personality, average student, he is saved by plot armor in every single book
who's going to be that character now? harry's dumb son?
the epilogue to the last book was already fanfic tier garbage, with cheesy names like albus severus potter, hermione is the minister of magic, continuing with that shit is already bad
why not just make new characters and use the same formula that worked so well
but that would be too hard
instead let's make a time travel plot so you can reuse the old characters you killed off, cheapening their deaths and the already trashy ending to the original books
>wizard hitler voldemort is still the bad guy
>>70750330
It's as bad as After Watchmen, Dr. Mahattans arc. After carefully establishing he's bound to his own timeline and can only see his own past or future, they have him fucking with his alternative timelines. I reeeed so hard.
>Meanwhile, their parents are terrified and searching for the missing boys. Bane, the centaur, tells Harry that he has seen Albus in the movement of the stars. He says there is a dangerous dark cloud around him.
>/lit/ approves these new changes and story citing that rowling is finally growing out of her childish pleb stage
>pretend /tv/ posters too scared to post on /lit/ from /v/eddit and /co/ are upset
really makes you think
>>70750866
>Hufflepuff
Hufflepuf is famous for all the casual sex.
the saying on hogwarts is
>Fuck a hufflepuff, marry ravenclaw
>>70750938
Honestly if they wanted to make a sequel, they shouldn't use the old characters as protagonists. Use another character in the same world and tell a fresh history, with a new villain different than the previous one and a new protagonist.
>>70750866
idk senpai, I think all the best orgies happen in Hufflepuff common area.
>>70750893
Wasn't his father the muggle?
>>70750954
>"CALM DOWN HARRY, NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR FEAR. THAT COMES LATER."
>>70750649
>ravenclaw
>a nigress
oh i am laffin
>>70750964
>/lit/ approves these new changes and story citing that rowling is finally growing out of her childish pleb stage
They are the fucking childish plebs then. I swear to god, /lit/ is one of the shittiest boards on 4chan. And that's coming from someone who browses /tv/.
>>70750120
because its literally worse than everything under shit tier
>>70750536
>Ayn Rand so low on the list
/lit/ truly is shit
>>70751022
yeah, his father was some rich boy that banged the local vilage crackpot daughter who turned out to be a witch.
>>70749258
>Rowling is already in full damage control mode and is calling anyone who discusses spoilers Wormtongues.
What the fuck. Is she insane?
>>70750536
Fuck, this would be so accurate if it weren't for the "People like it so it's bad" memery. Literature would have a chance if fucking R***it-tier pseudo-intellectual virgins would stop claiming Joyce acolyte Ste King and Based Easton Ellis are Rowling-tier
>>70751057
t. neo/tv/ pleb
if a board thats even elitist about what clifford book children should read then you know this is actually patrician
Delpie sounds like a qt. Fanfics of her getting spitroasted by the boys when?
>>70750288
Cheering for the dark lord as Voldemor repeatedly plowed her
>>70751022
Yeah, he was. Voldermot believed it was his mother though, when he first meets Dumbledore he says something like he knew she didn't have magic because she died. I think he might have found out later when he goes to secure the ring from his uncle but by that point he'd gone full crazy on the Slytherin connection.
I don't think they're the best books but I thought she did a pretty good job building the character of her villain without giving him redeemable qualities.
>muggle death camps
>you'll ruin Voldemort Day
>>70751119
Stephen King doesn't write literature, King writes stories. Sure some of them are good, but most of them are horrible. What they all have in common is the fact that they're not literature in any way shape or form. Much like Rowlers and Ellis(he doesn't have any good stories)
>>70750165
Would Crabbe and Goyle still be dudes? I like the idea of them being big, hulking beta losers who follow around Femdraco because they think they'll get laid but it never happens.
Sounds pretty cool desu
Love time travel
>>70751229
Rowling please go
>go to /lit/
>civil HP discussion, most agree this is awful but are open to discuss on why
>go to /tv/
>bane memes, SJW complaints and overall mindless bashing
They weren't lying when they said you guys are the worst board.
>>70750165
>>70750505
>>70750665
>>70750754
>>70750800
>>70751196
We should write our own Femdraco fanfic then. I'd be up for the task.
>Bane, the centaur
>>70751229
/lit/ agrees. don't mind these /v/ goobergaters
>>70751292
get this hothead outta here
>>70751184
king has a ratio of 1:10, for every good story he writes 10 shit ones.
>>70751196
sure, why not.
the point of fem draco is that you dont need to change much of the story for the first 6 books.
all the fights&etc.. between harry and malfoy could just as easly work if draco was a girl.
only in the last book when draco needs saving she can have a redemption story where she confesses to harry
>>70751292
>/tv/
You mean /t/v/ aka the board invaded by poopskins twitter memes
>>70751255
I mean I was totally ready to hate this play and all the other stuff Rowling was doing, but it genuinely sounds quite cool
Stuff like the stuff with the Time Turners fans have been quibbling for years being addressed and played with, decent.
It helps that I had a fanfic a few years back that seemed bizarrely similar to this - same time period, time travel, Voldemort's kids a possibility in the picture etc.
>>70751292
Literature is almost the only media that requires thought.
>>70751292
If i take off your fedora, will you die?
>>70751294
go ahead, i'll read what you have when your finished.
>>70750964
>>70751311
>implying /lit/'s opinion matters on anything
My Immortal now looks golden
>>70751184
Different Seasons, Rules of Attraction, American Psycho, The Shining- Literature.
What, The fucking Goldfinch is /lit/ but Imperial Bedrooms isn't? Ellis has always been literature, King is often.
Also, "literature vs stories" is the sort of vague terminology that lets you shift goalposts whenever someone gets popular ("just stories") or dies ("true literature"). It can't refer to aesthetic quality alone, but it also doesn't impose any hard limits on content or style. Worthless distinction, like saying Gene Wolfe> George RR Martin "but only until someone adapts his work"The text is dead, Jacques
>>70751292
>going to /lit/ unironically
>>70749861
>holy shit, kids on 4ch now repost Quentin meme images and take them literally
This is just hilarious, anon. Please, share more knowledge about culture with us, we need some guidance ever since Quentin left us.
Why did it have to be this way? It could have been about Harry's parents when they were at Hogwarts. It could have been about Harry's kids dealing with a new enemy who wants to follow in Voldemorts footsteps. It could've been about Tom Riddle. It could've been about a young Dumbledore. Instead we get fucking time travel that breaks everything that PoA established abou time travel. Sure, my ideas are lazier, but HP was never a mindfuck series and it never had to be.
>>70751357
>>70751370
>>70751421
>being this insecure
>>70749258
>>70751111
I don't understand why you anons are conflating an author not wanting the story spoiled with LOL FULL DAMAGE CONTROL JUST JUST JUST FUCK MY SHIT LOL CONFIRMED HACK
>>70751370
>>70751376
>>70751421
Why do these /v/ posters think they matter?
>>70751370
Will you? or are you going to meme arrow your way out of this image?
>>70751456
For you
>>70751013
>Hufflepuff common area.
Is there any NON common area in the Hufflepuff part of Hogwarts?
>>70751476
See >>70750528
"just" posters are literally underage mexicans
>>70750165
[color="green"]>All the violent jealous tension between Hermione and Draco in book three[/color]
Wew lad
>>70751532
9/10 b8.
Brilliantly played anon.
>>70751411
Look, you have literature, and you have pop authors. King is the later. When his references become outdated in few decades he's out. Time makes a selection and the good thing always come out on top, and the average gets forgotten. No matter how popular a work was at one point.
Do you maybe know the novel She? No? It's just one of the most sold books in English language.
how does Harry feel about his son's first fap being to a Voldemort/Bellatrix hybrid?
>>70751532
all girls go through a bi curious phase
post quality fics
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3096379/1/
>>70749420
>>Bane, the centaur
THE BIG GUY NEVER DIES
>>70751620
Kill yourself
>>70751620
>https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3096379/1/
>>70751620
For a minute there, I actually though it was going to be godtier fanfiction.
>>70751582
Implying he never fapped to Bellaor Voldemort
>>70751620
by the title alone you can pretty much figure out that hagrid will have sex with a giant squid.
>>70751620
>reading fanfiction
Remember
based redwood bans this cancer. make sure you report to help save /tv/
>>70751620
... huh. That must be the least likely shipping in HP. The squid x Hogwarts personified?
>>70751346
>sectumsempra cuts through her uniform
Yes please
>>70751488
>/sp/ facebook memer backed off
i'm laughing
>>70751620
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2554200/2/HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>>70751479
watchmen was good though
truly the only capekino to ever exist
Since Harry could see through Nagina's eyes at certain times do you think he could've used that to get snake poontang?
>She says Albus’s weakness is the same as his father’s. It’s not pride, or the need to impress his father—it’s friendship.
>>70751808
>https://twitter.com/search?q=capekino%20&src=typd
You honestly have to go back. I'm not memeing either please go back
>>70751808
kys
the only true capekino are Hulk (2003) and Fant4stic (2015)
>>70751620
http://nostrademons.livejournal.com/33411.html#
The Malfoys and a drill
>>70751907
Twitter and this board are one and the same you fool.
The JUST League:
Brendan
Johnny
Duncan
And now it looks like we have our female lead.
>>70751724
>first time femdraco and harry meet in the shop to buy school clothes
>both dont know each other.
>Femdraco and harry instanly fall in love with each other.
>act all shy to each other and lots of blushing and akward conversations until they need to say goodby to each other.
>first day of school comes around
>femdraco finds out that who that kid in the shop was, her heart breaks.
>harry greets fremdraco but gets a first look at tsundere femdraco
>on insult after the other, harry is really confused.
>femdraco is dying inside every time she picks a fight with harry in the books, but its the only way to be close to him.
>every night she finds herself getting wet when she thinks about harry.
>gets super jelous of hermoine and other women who are close to harry, bully's them too.
>when harry goes out who sho and then with ginny she cant get out of the bed for weeks.
>all the while telling herself she hates him.
This shit is writing itself.
>>70751954
Because of c*ncerous meme scum like you and OP
>>70751958
>>>/twitter/
>>>/v/
>have cute Voldecunny waifu
>could live in a cool alternate future with her
>betray her instead
He really was a Slytherin.
How the fuck does time travel even work in this shit?
Why does killing harry in the past let him live in the future, but changing a blanket in the past instantly changes things so future harry knows to time travel back?
Are people waking up now to the fact Harry Potter was always dogshit commercialized literature for the masses with no depth whatsoever?
>>70752145
>How the fuck does time travel even work in this shit?
However the author wills it.
>>70750536
>Foster Wallace
>anything other than a pseudo intellectual sophmore shit head who got by on his parents academic connections.
come on now
>>70750144
quentyn.jpg
>>70750144
man odran is a comedy genius!
>>70750039
And now she's ruined the whole thing.
I mean this must be how older generations feel when their cherished childhood franchises get raped.
Let's face it, Harry Potter isn't for us anymore.
I was a kid when it first came out, not anymore.
So let the new fan fic generation destroy it and let's remember it for what it was.
>>70750964
>>/lit/ approves these new changes and story citing that rowling is finally growing out of her childish pleb stage
You're full of shit. /lit/ despises J.K. Rowling almost as much as John Green. They would never ever praise this fanfic tier trash.
>>70752345
>/lit/ despises J.K. Rowling almost as much as John Green
Yeah when you come to talk about the trashy original series. They're praising this new work
>>70752410
>They're praising this new work
Like I said, you're full of shit. Show me a /lit/ thread that's full of people unironically saying that this play is well written.
>>70749258
There's no way Rowling wrote this. It reads like fan fiction.
>>70749258
>Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.
DRACO WAS KEKED LOL
>>70752458
>>>/lit/815311
>>70752510
Wow, nice 404'd post. Stop posting.
>>70749258
>Craig, another student from Hogwarts, rushes up to say the whole school is looking for them.
Imagine being the actor playing Craig. You make one appearance to say "Hey, everyone's out looking for you", to then be murdered by a main character.
>>70749420
>>Despite the kids’ open discussion that his real father could be Voldemort
Wouldn't the Malfoys be famous in the wizard world for being amazingly shitty death eaters? Every task they get given they fuck up in some unforeseen way, doubt he'd knock one of them up for fun.
>Mass shooting threads on /pol/
>E3 shitposting on /v/
>Making fun of JK Rowling on /tv/
I CANT READ ALL OF THESE
>>70753223
>>Mass shooting threads on /pol/
This is /tv/ related as well though
especially if this /lit/ rejected book discussion isfuck 2 /v/ though
>>70753011
Gotta earn that paycheck
>Harry promises Albus he’ll be a better dad. He confesses that he’s not such a perfect figure. Says he’s afraid of the dark, small spaces... and pigeons.
Oh, sure. Fucking pigeons.
>>70749420
>make Hermione black
>proceed to make her the number one most wanted criminal in the world
Ya gotta be goofin' me.
>>70753223
>Making fun of JK Rowling and Warcraft on /tv/
ftfy
>>70753346
wel they at least got the part right about blacks being criminals.
>>70750166
This. Ulysses is great. Gatsby is entry level shit
>>70749258
im like 4 paragraphs in and draco already got cucked.
what the fuck am I reading.
>>70750162
Ganguro sluts are only hot because they were light skinned in the first place. The fetish is about tainting a pure being. If a person was already black in the first place who gives a fuck?
![71eXnRmDKCL._UL1500_[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/DLEVDhv.jpg "71eXnRmDKCL._UL1500_[1].jpg")
>>70749420
>the Scorpion King
Does he wear one of these?
>>70749420
Tell me about Bane
>Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.
JUST
>deleting ontopic threads or putting them on auto sage and now even forcing them to archive
>leaving this offtopic thread up
Show yourself ape
>>70753954
Actually don't bother answering here mate
I'm going to ask on /qa/
>>70753954
This general exists so more offtopic threads don't show up.
as if a girl with hair lighter than brown could be born in the commonwealth of pakistan in this day and age
>>70754184
What?
>>70754283
>Albus is intrigued by this older girl with silver and blue hair
>>70749258
I actually like it.
Unironically.
>>70750418
>Draco is head over heals for harry, canonically.
Oh neat. I didn't know slashfiction was canon.
>>70754463
I like the concept of Delphi, even though silver and blue hair is stupid. Other than that, it's shit. Specially the time travel thing, jesus, who thought this was a good idea?
>They notice a black tattoo of a bird inked onto her back. Delphie says it’s an Augury, which reminded her of her childhood as an orphan when she was raised by the Rowle family.
>the Rowle family
BRAVO
>>70749420
>ruining Voldemort day, with no survivors.
>>70751896
Albus is Luke's son?
>>70751896
>I am a faggot, like my father before me
>>70754824
Is Ginny Mara Jade then?
>>70749420
>the Scorpion King
>>70749258
My personal favs:
>When they arrive at school, where Professor McGonagall is headmistress
>Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.
>Harry says he sometimes wishes Albus wasn’t his son. Albus throws the blanket down on his bed, where it knocks over a bottle of love potion given to him by Ron.
>Bane, the centaur, tells Harry that he has seen Albus in the movement of the stars.
>It seems the Time-Turner has a five-minute limit and Albus has suffered a nasty arm break while being snapped back through time.
>She tells him to get back to school or he’s going to ruin Voldemort Day.
>Three wizards were caught blowing up bridges to see how many Muggles they could kill with one blast
>She says she wants him to fly out of that maze naked on a broom of purple feathers.
>Back in the present. Scorpius is saying to Albus: I can’t believe I did that! I asked out Rose Granger-Weasley.
tl;dr: a play with stronk wymin, Draco's wife has a son, Ron is a cuck and spills his love potion on Harry's son, BANE, time travel can break your arm, voldemort has a holiday, wizards are terrorists and broom streaking
>>70750165
This sounds amazing
>>70754973
Seems like all you have to do to become Hogwarts head is to be a transfiguration teacher and it's an easy ride.
