>Be me
>Go to the Cinema to see Green Room
>Late show the tower guards asleep
>Pay $29.95 plus tax for ticket
>Go to concession stand they are out of 1lb butter sticks for my kernels
>Kindly ask if there is any other treats
>Fresh king crab legs 50% upcharge because it's a tuesday I hesitate and pay the $36.50
>What an expensive evening
>Go to get my ticket ripped
>Informed that penis inspection was postponed from last night to tonight
>Could this night get any worse?
>A neckbeard tries to sneak past the singles detector
>Singles policy alarms go off
>Tower guards awake and start shooting indiscriminately
>ohfuckimtoast.jpg
Anyone have a worse cinema experience?
>the snapping turtles dug their way into the cinema lagoon
>not smuggling your own crab legs alongside the bolognese in your pockets
>magically find a date one night
>relieved I don't have to worry about the singles clause
>date really wants old bay seasoning on her crab legs
>okay that's fine
>get in theater and it's fully packed
>forgot to write my introduction speech
>really worried so I eat pretty much the bucket of crabs in one minute
>forgot about the old bay seasoning
>my turn for introduction
>get up there and mumbled a few lines
>get heckled for not speaking up
>shit my pants in fear of more hecklers
>great now I have to use the shower in the back
>go to turn on the water and it doesn't work
>stand in the shower naked the entire movie because they won't let me sit back down in my seat
Terrible night.
Still haven't gone back since
>>69802912
nice reddit thread
have an upboat!
>>69802912
Where're all the anvils?
>tfw the theater metallurgist told me the gold I panned from the theater stream was fools gold.
Couldn't afford extra crab legs after that.
>>69803706
Wew that sucks.
At least the falcons left you alone cause you didn't have any food.
>>69803706
pretty sure it was real gold and he took it forhimself
>>69802912
>tfw the Magna Carta gets repealed and the penis inspectors can now execute you without due process
Feels bad desu
>>69802912
>American cinemas
America is inherently a shit country, and it reflects on everything you have.
The USA wishes it were like Canada.
Because you people are inherently evil.
I wish there would be a movie where my country, the much more superior CANADA, triumphs over the US
But alas, the fat fucks (you specifically) allow themselves to triumph over the rest because they are fat stupid children
Fuck you America
Fuck you for the world wars
Fuck you for Robbing my country of a culture
Fuck you for spreading your degeneracy to the rest of the world
Fuck you for bombing the Middle East
Fuck you for drone strikes
Fuck you not helping Canada in the fire were having right now
Fuck you for Trump
Fuck you for ruining Europe by creating ISIS
Fuck you for 3rd wave feminism
Fuck you for spreading estrogen in the water and making girls grow breasts at the age of 9
Fuck you for normalizing the brutality and racism against blacks and brown people from the police
FUCK YOU FOR ALL OF THE WORLDS PROBLEMS
And FUCK YOU FOR NOT ACKNOWLEDGING THE FACT THAT CANADA IS BETTER THAN AMERICA
One day America...
One FUCKING day.
Fucking fat fucks.
>>69804079
way too obvious senpai
My local cinema closed down their Falcon Daycare center and started using imitation crab meat. Plus the showers now charge an extra $5 for warm water.
>>69803485
I assure you, tripfriend, there is nothing reddit about the no singles policy. Who knows, one day it could possibly save your life.
>>69804290
There is no 'no singles policy' you dumb unfunny fuck.
It only bans single males
>mfw my local cinema actually serves crab legs
