Is everything okay with you today, /tg/?
Wanna get something off your chest?
>>47374328
I'm currently wrestling with the idea of getting a real job with my degree or pursuing music which makes me happy. I have no student debt to pay off and every job I've interviewed for in the last five months has sucked balls. Turns out you have to have experience doing things in order to not get a job that sucks balls and even though I have a decent resume and basically ran my own painting business last summer I still "have no experience"
>>47374371
How're you set for money? What's your degree? When you say "pursuing music", in what capacity (producer, singer, etc.)?
I wish the ERP people weren't so militant and spammy. I understand that they're just hoping that the eternal cycle of mods changing will leave them a window where they can one day return, but them acting like they do is largely the reason no one wants them here.
"What's your favorite monster?"
>"Oh, I like bugbears, they're cool."
>"BUGBEARS? Me and my boyfriend and his other boyfriend love to stick bugbear miniatures up our asses while Freddy Prince Jr. Movies play in the background. How do you get off? Get off during your traditional gaming, that is, of course."
>>47374328
I'm a constant failure and I hate myself. The knowledge that I'll just fuck up anything I try to do just saps my will to do anything, even working on the /tg/ related stuff I love and would like to do.
So I shitpost on here, drink, and try to work up the motivation to go play Oblivion.
Today I've been harshly reminded that my native is terrible clusterfuck of a language that makes it virtually impossible to write more than two sentences without running into some grammatical ambiguity or exception.
It is no surprise considering that it was literally made up from the scratch by a bunch of upper class drunkards with too much free time on their hands just to spite the government.
The direct consequence of this is that I won't have any time for my plastic dudesmen this whole weekend.
>>47374409
I'm from a decently well off family but I am loathe to ask for hand outs. My degree is in communications with a business minor. I would love to have gotten into Publixc Relations or some other media type field but everything around here is shitty pyramid scheme sales jobs. My talent lies with singing, I would say I'm pretty talented and anyone who hears my material asks me why I don't make something of it but I just figure that's people simply being polite. I'm currently working on a project with a friend of mine and that's kind of what got me thinking about it all.
>>47374470
What language?
>>47374423
as someone who plays, runs and enjoys ERPs, i sorta agree. It's nothing that will ever stop but people won't stop tryinf to /d/ all over everything, instead of saving it for where it's proper or to make a really good joke. They are just trying to one up each other in deviantness and grossness, or just in 'lol so random XD'.
There was a time, 3 years ago, things were not so bad, and i even manage to recruit a good decent group to run a game that involved Erotic elements but was otherwise a normal fantasy game. That group is formed by good roleplayers and is stable and reliable. But how /tg/ is today? Trying to find said group would be impossible. You'd need a hundred tries to filter out the weirdos and people who would just be too much and not right for you. And then you probably wouldnt get to try 100 times because that would be seem as ERP spamming and banned and/or shouted down and trolled to shit.
I think I am finally coming to terms that what I want to do is not what my groups wants to do.
And honestly its getting me kind of down. Like I love them all like family, but I cant help feel like I'm not getting much out of game day anymore.... What should I do /tg/?
>>47374543
Czech
>>47374328
I'm leaving Poland and sad that I won't see this guy again till he's an adult.
>>47374555
tell them you found something you enjoy doing more for 4+ hours out of your week? it's not like you stop existing after you stop having game night with them
i finally got my shit together and showed up early for saturday night game night and my entire group is miffed that i'm trying to get their attention because they were prepared for me to be held up by work as usual and not make it until like 5+ hours from now. so now i'm sitting here and watching them not want to play until the time they're used to rather than the time we originally tried to set up for. fun!!
>>47374328
/tg/ related:
I'm playing an online game with my long-distance friends, and although it's fun I seriously miss playing with them in the same room. Something is just missing otherwise.
Not /tg/ related:
My fiancée suffers from a chronic pain condition, and she went through an episode at a party. Poor woman was so embarrassed with how she scared everyone, it convinced her to request a medical marijuana card to better manage the pain.
>>47374475
Not really sure, then, dude. Maybe work on your music during the weekends until you can release some independent stuff, then see how that does before you decide what to do from there.
I have an amazing campaign with a great world, great players and great characters, but I haven't played in three weeks and won't play for three more weeks. And even before that, we only played every two or three weeks, because university is just sucking away every second of my life. For four months now, all I do is get up at seven, go to campus, go home, learn until 1:30 am and go to sleep, barring the few weekends I took out to play. Seven days a week, no free day.
It'll easy up in three more weeks, but fucking hell, it's getting to me. I just want to DM.
I've got a lump in my intestines that's interfering with my appetite. Hopefully it's not something too major, but since there's been no serious stool or vomit problems it should pass.
Also I really hate painting tanks, and need to finish three of them.
I'm kind of irrated about how little we know about Mortasheen's progress, or even how the game works.
Just give us something, fuck.
>>47374555
Set down and talk to them. Maybe they would be fine with going along with your idea of fun, maybe some other arrangement can be found.
Playing when you don't have fun isn't helping anyone.
>>47374649
So what, the entire group is there but no one is willing to play because they're used to starting later? That sucks, Anon
>>47374649
Do they not like you or something?
>>47374328
As the end of the year approaches I am doubting myself as a teacher. My students are far less inclined to complete work in these last few weeks, and many of them do not arrive to class regardless.
I have a great passion to instill a love and understanding of the English language to students for whom reading is the most awful punishment, and I cannot help but to feel that I have failed.
Everyone in my gaming group has a crush in one of the girls and this has made her unsufferable. Unfortunately I'm not blameless on this myself. Worse part is, she's the best roleplayer, probably why people crush her. But i feel that kicking her would sorta be like taking the heart out of the group.
>>47374328
had another slow day at my store, been open for just over 3 weeks, slow days kill me because I just feel like I can't do anything to fix it
>>47374689
Let me guess, double major? Music major? Or even post-grad?
Don't see how you could be so swamped otherwise, I would give anything to go back to my college days. So much free time, everything I would ever need within walking distance, I could meet people without too much hassle... Christ, working in a cubicle farm sucks.
>>47374328
my girlfriend sleep's and loves 2 other men and i knew this when i entered the relationship. She told me this before i entered the relationship but i did it anyway, being young at the time.
years pass, we grew together and I want to be together but we always fight and she stills loves the other two men. I feel like my love life is going to be a failure, that although I have goals, I don't enjoy working towards them and although I'm a hedonist (i believe my only point/reason to live in life is to enjoy myself) I feel that I've been through too much shit to be totally happy.
I've been off my 12 hour factory job for 3 days now and my dreams have been nothing but me working since it no longer feels right not to since I know I need money. Especially for my goals.
In the end I'm not happy although I'm trying to do what always makes me happy.
I could list my relationship problems, the lack of respect i feel from work and my friends, etc but it all just boils down to this:
I'm not happy and being happy is my only reason for being alive.
Let me explain.
No, there's too much. Let me sum up: I'm human refuse circling the drain As a kid I was wrongly medicated in a way that drove me insane, then sent to an alternative school circumstantially run by tough love fundamentalist christians who would throw me to the ground, twist my arm behind my back, and sit on me to where I couldn't breathe routinely, because I was effeminate and they thought I was doing it for attention. This lead to my first psychotic break at the age of 15 and my expulsion from public school. I was enrolled in community college but was so fucked up I didn't get anywhere with it, and failed to take ownership of myself which lead to a lot of irreparable damage.
After bouts with homelessness, alcoholism, and an attempt to get my life back on track, I would up with 6 associates degrees because reasons, but can't find a job because reasons. I'm currently a year away from finishing my bachelors and not sure if I'll be able to because of issues with depression and psychosis. The fucked up thing is, I LIKE being psychotic. My brain has carved a hidey hole for me away from reality, and crawling into it is one of the only things that makes me happy anymore. I've literally been using stimulants/attempting magick/exposing myself to stressful situations to try and trigger psychotic thinking, because apparently I'm such an addict to my own abnormal psychology that I'd rather talk to a hallucination of a dragon in my head/feel like I'm possessed by her than, I dunno, graduate, function, not spiral recklessly towards certain disaster.
Oh and I own and carry guns.
>>47374797
Opened your own business?
I wish Quest people weren't so obnoxious about not having their threads on the /qst/ board. They're the Furries of /tg/ with how they clutter things up.
>>47374807
You know your own life anon but I'd not be in a relationship like that. Not because of the polygamy but because it feels toxic to you. Working that much, you need someone who's mora avaible, I think.
>>47374790
You sound like you teach in an inner-city school, Anon. Which can be damn tough, but don't let it get you down. You can never get through to everyone, but the ones you do have an impact on will remember you for the rest of their lives.
>>47374838
yeah, it's been fun and exciting but some days I just stand in my store for like 11 hours and do basically nothing, it's days like those that you have all the time in the world to tally up just how much money it costs to run a store
>>47374790
From experience I can tell you that a teacher's biggest mistake is to become too idealistic and fall in love with the idea of teaching.
All you can do is give opportunity to learn. If you are fair, give them opportunity to apply themselves and don't orbit around dusty old shit nobody care's about, you've done your job and failed no one.
I'm trying to figure out how to kill myself before my parents realize that I've dropped out of college after six years of struggling towards a degree that I've found out I'm not smart enough to hold.
>>47374837
I highly reccomend you see a professional. If not for your own safety, but for the safety of others. You don't even need to stop fantasizing; you jsut sound like you need someone to talk to who actually has some idea of what you're going through.
>>47374790
you have one of the hardest teaching professions since english is bullshit. reading is one of the only things you might actually succeed in getting them to do. You just have hit them with something in their interests. high school: gossip, sex, drugs, music, games, sports, cars and/or fantasy.
>>47374328
I just don't think some of these guys are going to learn from all this social interaction and simulated scenarios. They're going to be asocial losers for the rest of their life. And I'm kinda worried they'll rub off on me.
>>47374328
No, I am irritable and full of regret.
Thank you for asking.
>>47374790
Former teacher here, that is normal regardless of subject you're teaching. You either get used to it or quit to pursue another, presumably better paid and less stressful job.
>>47374874
I have a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I have for a year and a half or so. Thanks though.
>>47374802
IT, the workload is part of the screening process.
First comes the qualification exam, then comes the cutting. Gotta break those 1000 down to 200.
>>47374855
What do you sell?
>>47374855
Have a laptop?
LEARN SOMETHING
http://ocw.mit.edu/courses/economics/
I just bought nearly fifty pounds of meat for my son's graduation party that we are sharing with my brother's son since they're both graduating at the same time. Today I found out that my brother's son may not actually be graduating and only half the expected people are going to show up. What am I going to do with nearly 25 pounds of flesh?
>>47374897
It's a UPS Store, shipping, print, boxes stuff like that, I am hoping of opening about 3 eventually, the shipping and printing from it would seriously reduce costs for a Game store I dream about opening one day
>>47374842
This is the problem. I understand why they don't go to quest, but I disagree with the reason.
Quest doesnt have enough 'foot traffic' for new quests to bloom, and even though anyone going there is going there for quests, there's really not as much movement as /tg/. So holding a quest there is less appealing then here. They are not wholly welcome here but not wholly shunned either, so they still figure that it's cost benefit better to stay here.
That said, having a board wholly dedicated to your interests and still refusing to use it for the purpose it was created, and instead using another board, is really obnoxious and annoying. The fact that is somewaht /tg/ related make it less bad but still feels like someone is making threads and posting pictures of cars in one of the porn boards, you know?
>>47374689
Don't have kids. They suck out all your free time.
Right now? He's out on a bike-ride with the mother. I've got a blesses 10-20 minutes.
>>47374862
>don't orbit around dusty old shit nobody care's about
>care's about
They need some understanding of the underpinnings of Western literature before we can do anything exciting in class. The reason many of these students hate reading is because many of them are ignorant of the historical and literary sources from which many of their required readings are inspired. The dusty old shit is quite fascinating, and you can imagine my surprise when my student's became excited as they read The Metamorphosis.
More than half of my students do not read at grade level.
Over the last year or so, I've learnt two things about myself:
1) I feel horribly inadequate. In all things. Hobbies, creative skills, my relationships... everything. I feel like I can't acheive anything worthwhile because I lack the necessary skills or talents.
2) I am so throughly and absolutely anxiety riddled that I'm too afraid to try and improve myself for fear of failure.
The result is an eternal spiral of self-hatred for failure to "pick myself up by my bootstraps", or whatever the phrase is, and being so utterly terrified of humilaiting falure that I can't correct it. Which, of course, makes me feel even more worthless.
Oh, and my SO is suicidal. So I feel like I'm a failure there too.
>>47374901
i have been doesn't solve the problem of nobody coming to the store, I have read like 3 novels, listened to a bunch of lectures and podcasts, but none of that helps the business
>>47374855
Can't say I know that feel, bro.
I basically stole my store away from my dad when I got out of college, he started it but it was one of many for him and more like a hobby that bled money. It's been hard getting it back on track, but it's mine and only mine, I hate it and I love it at the same time.
I'd probably have given up on it if I didn't have my college sweetheart waiting for me at home, doing the housewife thing.
Surround yourself with people that support you and your goals. Best of luck to you, bro.
>>47374845
its a curse, an addiction, and love. Its not fake or skin deep but its faulty as hell. A painful, toxic love.
If a man who only knew how to walk on his hands, tried to walk on his feet, it would be weird.
I do not know how to have a 1v1 relationship anymore. nor one with less strife or arguments. But i refuse to leave, because we have both tried, but can not.
A vicious cycle but we are unable to leave each other so the only other course is to get so good together that we can leave the other two.
I sometimes (very often) forget that my goals exist to make me happy. Or, they were suppose to. Now they feel more like responsibility or requirements to live.
>>47374894
Ah, thanks for clarifying. I've been considering doing some studying for certifications on the side, but maybe the barrier to entry is higher than I thought...
>>47374328
Nah, I'm pretty good. Pretty pleased with myself, everything's turning up my way. Lost weight, got a job, making money, moving out, baked some cookies, really enjoying Super Mystery DungeonI am shipping Ampharos and Mawile so hard, so hard, and started hammering out a new character to rejoin an ongoing campaign I had to drop out of awhile back.
Life's going the right way for the first time in years and man does it feel good.
>>47374986
Depends on where you live, I guess. I'm sitting in the middle of Europe here, system and setup is completely different and everything.
The merits and problems of free education, I guess. Still, I'm taking this over having to take out a huge loan any day of the week.
>>47374933
The Czech guy here, Kafka was a hack and The Metamorphosis is Whizzard-tier Magical Realm wankery.
You want good stuff? Try Capek.
>>47374932
Ah. I can imagine. There's a general-purpose mail store pretty close to my house and it seems like it's always empty when I go there.
>>47374328
I'm sick of my gm canceling every other week. I love the campaign but I don't put up with that shit after I had a gm fuck over 4 games in a row with cancellations and not showing. I love the guy but he's starting to piss me off with this shit.
>>47374328
Going on a trip overseas with my classmates. While we're going there to work, we're supposed to hang out a lot and whatever.
I like my classmates and they like me as well but I'm the guy that everyone knows and likes, but that nobody is friends with. I fear that I'll spend my breaks working alone in my tent or sulking instead of hanging out.
>>47374982
>A vicious cycle but we are unable to leave each other so the only other course is to get so good together that we can leave the other two.
Is that what you two have agreed on, or what you hope to one day convince her?
Watched a man die the other day, apparently it was a suicide.
>>47374863
You're here for such a short time, don't check out early.
>>47375034
They're 16. They don't care about epistemology.
>>47374933
>care's
I'm German and it's one in the morning here, so whatever.
Just pick and choose the actually interesting shit from the list and prepare it in an interesting way.
Nibelungenlied can be cool story to experience, but if you have to read the entire thing in Old High German it murders any enjoyment you might have.
>>47374751
I'm pretty sure they designed their schedule around him so they probably do enjoy his company.
>>47374328
Better than most of the thread I assume, but still sad. We went to our career wizard's funeral today. Some Punk-ass 16 year old decided it would be hilarious to see how fast her family's car could go. Apparently she pancake'd the car against a brick wall and got admitted to the ER. Our friend never made it that far.
>>47374969
> feel inadequate
> have an SO
Choose one and only one
>>47375071
already happening.
we love each other, try to be together (1v1), argue, fight, get mad, decide that this will never work, try and leave, fail, calm down, realize/remember that we love each to bits, repeat.
we have both tried to leave but it doesn't work.
We have semi-agreed on the last bit. we both agree that their needs to have a lot done before that will happen and that this cycle needs to end. but, alas, i know that neither will happen.
We've reached an emotional stalemate. We care too much to leave even when we try our hardest, but are too argumentative and angry to justify her leaving two other people she cares about that don't fight with her.
I like a girl at my university but she's about to leave and I've still got a couple of years. Guess I just don't know if I can nut up enough to tell her before she goes or even if it's a good idea to do so.
>>47374863
You can do what I did. Change my name and leave town before the questions set in.
I've had an immensely satisfying couple years since building a life up on my own terms. Worked warehouse for awhile, saved up some money and took night classes and became a structural welder. I make better money than I would have with my fucking useless degree.
I even have a dog! He's the best!
>>47374894
Fellow code monkey here - the way people go around the workload in my college is teaming up.
Say you have three projects in three classes - Vanilla C pointer mess, Assembly for embed device and some C# graphic bullshit. You get three people and each does one project three times. The point is that half the challenge is understanding the principle, once you have the principle, writing the same code again, even in a completely different way that could be never tied to the first version, is a piece of cake. Obviously you need trustworthy people.
Or you outsource the projects, I've been doing this (as in, writing projects for other people) ever since I graduated.
>>47374863
This depends on the level of pain you want to risk, and the chance that you won't be successful.
I'm trying to figure out a gift to buy my long distance girlfriend before I visit her for the second time.
Also I'm considering either IT or becoming a radiology technician.
>>47375026
Shit, didn't know you're European. I'd take the crazy hours over the lifetime of crippling debt, too.
>>47375112
War With Newts? What 16 y/o wouldn't love the story of underwater nigger nazis?
>>47375202
>The Czech enters the thread
>>47375126
out of my depressed way, this guy is currently winning at the shittiest life. I feel for you.
I've got some stuff about which I could complain, certainly, but this thread's getting awfully negative.
I've been going to an open mic night occasionally. I went a few weeks ago and then again last week, and both times I was very well-received and the emcee singled me out with some very kind words.
It's not gonna be my career, not least of all because my stage fright makes it so 3-5 minutes on stage is about all I can take, but it's a pretty fun hobby and it's always a warm feeling to know you've got a talent.
On a more speculative note, the guy who went right after me was supar cyute, like, omigaw (and also funny, of course). I wanna find out what his deal is.
>>47374863
Don't cheat yourself out of the rest of your life. You owe yourself more than that.
>>47374863
There's this book. Reportedly it's pretty good and info is accurate. But AFAIK it's not available in English.
>>47374328
/tg/ related issues: so i've gone through the nearby stores for anything tabletop related and the situation looks dire. All the mtg and yugioh tables are THE epitome of stereotypical cancer native to them. I wish i was kidding but its all googled up decks that win in a few rounds and no one plays casual. The rpg scene is either kids in highschool and i feel massively out of place as a 23 year old when i play with them and every group that does shit through the stores are either complete creepers who desperately want people to play their super original setting using highly modified systems that are either so convoluted you can't touch them or so changed they're essentially an entirely different system you could have just used or its just terrible players who either can't RP or play shit like rape loli's (4 different people over the years tried this i shit you not), dumbarians that kill literally everything robbing everyone a chance to RP, or paladumbs who also kill anything before we get a chance to RP. Because its through the store these people tend to flow between groups so i plain just can't get away. 5 years i've been looking for a group to call home and its killing me. Apparently the city has a huge scene but its a 3 hour drive away and parking is literally impossible i've tried and the damn metro transit system dies at 6pm so if i don't bring my car i'm trapped and have to pay an $70 cab fare.
Non/tg/ related: the pain, depression, and migraines have gotten a lot worse recently, i've started coughing up blood again, and its getting harder to move each morning. At first chalked it up to weather change as that always happens but the weathers normalized and my shits not going away. Not sure how much more of this i can take.
>>47375112
I remember being jazzed as hell for King Lear and Hamlet back in school but despising the rest of the Shakespeare we had to read. Seriously fuck Romeo and Juliet, Mercutio was the only good person in that play.
I don't think anyone in my class read The Invisible Man for AP English, we just all spark noted that shit because OH WOE IS ME THE BLACK MAN is fucking tiring when that's been the only narrative about black people we've ever heard across any form of media.
I can't even remember any of the other books I was made to read through school except Slaughterhouse Five which was actually very good. Oh yeah and Wuthering Heights, I remember that one suddenly in a fit of fury. Goddamn that shitty ass fucking book and the amount of papers we had to write about its godawful fucking characters.
>>47375299
>OH WOE IS ME THE BLACK MAN
>Loved Hamlet, which is literally OH WOE IS ME THE DANISH MAN
A close friend killed himself about 4 weeks ago, and I've been struggling lately.
I've got two research essays due in the next ten days, one of which I haven't even started. But I'm having such trouble with focus that I'm really struggling to do more than an hour or two of work in a day.
I'm also playing in a dnd 5th game and to be honest I don't give a shit about dnd. It's being run by a literal autist who keeps on going on about 'muh sandbox' while we are clearly on extremely tight rails.
I'm considering holding a coup and running either runequest 3rd, delta green, whfrp2e or rogue trader.I like percentile systems get off my casebecause I'm a better gm and I'm SUUUUUUUUPER fucking bored with dnd 5th.
>>47375337
or King Lear
>OH WOE IS ME THE OLD MAN
>>47375389
Macbeth
> OH WOE IS ME THE MENTAL SCOTSMAN
>>47375337
There was a good bit more stabbing in Hamlet and it was a gateway to enjoying Rosencratz and Guildenstern Are Dead, which was a case of actually using the reference material to better understand/enjoy a derivative piece of work. You know that thing that they always harp on about why you should read the old stuff about?
Invisible Man doesn't have any derivative media to enjoy that you wouldn't already understand from having been forced through a decade of american education.
>>47375299
The funny thing about classic literature. I've read Les Miserables back at the elementary (didn't have computer until highschool so I read a lot back then). I watched the movie (musical) adaptation recently to see how much I remember of it. I recalled pretty much everything except I completely forgot about Eponine, like not just her part in the story but that she exists at all...
>>47375350
Do what any adult does when that shit happens. Shut your emotions down and shove them in a deep dark corner of your mind you'll never visit, withdraw from the world and into yourself just enough to function but also not be phased by anything, and finally toughen your skin a bit so when shit gets bad real quick you won't be bothered as much.
Now you're insulated from the long hard grind of day to day monotony AND the sharp pain of sudden tragedy.
>>47375417
Midsummer Night's Dream
>OH WOE IS ME THE HORNY FUCKWIT LOST IN THE WOODS
>>47374969
Guess who probably has major depressive disorder!
Welcome to the club anon.
>>47375445
>Midsummer Night's Dream
Fuck the fae, like seriously, man, they're such a dicks!
>>47375417
>>47375445
come to think of it, many Shakespeare plays can be reduced to a central character or pair of characters dealing with their shitty self-inflicted or otherwise inevitable problems
>>47375445
Twelfth Night
> OH WOE IS ME THE CROSSDRESSERS
>>47375472
The only difference between Shakespearean comedy and Shakespearean tragedy is how many people die.
>>47375475
Henry IV
>OH WOE IS ME I'LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS FALSTAFF
>>47375530
A Comedy of Errors
>OH WOE ARE ME, MY TWIN, MY SERVANT, AND MY SERVANT'S TWIN
>>47375530
Not exactly Shakespear but The Sun Also Rises
>OH WOE IS ME THE ALCOHOLIC EUNUCH
>>47375443
I've been reading a bit of Marcus Aurelius and Seneca and those other Greeks and Romans who were keen on killing themselves.
Live a virtuous life, right?
And one week a year to spend on the kitchen floor wrapped in a blanket, eating and drinking only bread and water. Because hey, shit, things could always be worse.
>>47375389
At least there are two old men saying that.
Also a little bit of OH WOE IS ME THE GULLIBLE MAN for Edgar.
>>47374969
Welcome to Depression Town.
Here's our national anthem. Learn it.
https://youtu.be/V-woZcHmUcE
>>47375530
Much Ado About Nothing
> OH WOE IS ME ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING
I masturbated twice within a 5 hour period and feel like shit. I'm not feeling guilty about the masturbating, I'm just very tired. This is likely as close as I'll get to feeling high.
I also have a new female penpal from Europe thanks to Omegle and my horniness. I feel guilty about it since I have a girlfriend, and I also feel like I'm leading this girl on. Hopefully she won't think we'll turn into anything like a long-distance relationship. We created reddit accounts to talk to each other anonymously after Omegle.
>>47374328
I'm currently unemployed, but not too concerned since rent is pretty much covered for six months, and I'm only planning on staying in the USA for three months anyway. I'm looking into jobs in China as soon as I get my FBI criminal background check back for the Z-visa.
>>47375154
Do it faggot. My greatest regrets in life aren't things I've done or said but the things I've left undone and unsaid. The worst thatll happen is she turns you down, it'll suck but you'll get over it
>>47375559
The Heart of Darkness
>OH WOE IS ME THE HORROR
>>47375576
Be sure to mention your girlfriend to her so she knows what's up.
I graduated college last year so now I don't have anyone to do /tg/-related activities with. I haven't played an RPG or board game in over a year and a half ;___;
Hobby-wise I'm at a loss and its making me so depressed. I just work long hours every day and play video games now. At least before I graduated I had somewhat of a social life.
I've thought of getting back into urban exploration but now that I have a career (and am in the process of applying to more jobs) I have a lot more to lose if (when) I'm eventually caught & arrested. That and due to depression and anxiety I no longer have the confidence necessary to fool myself into thinking I know what I am doing and nothing will go wrong :(
>>47375564
>WOE IS ME THE BASTID
fuck edmund's a dipshit. One of the best characters I reckon.
>WOE IS ME THE ASSHOLE KING
for like a half dozen plays. Especially A Winter's Tale which is the single worst play.
>WOE IS ME, THE PLAYWRIGHT
literally all of the Tempest
>>47375563
Eh, depends. When everything is universally shitty as hell and you are entirely incapable of experiencing even the tiniest speck of happiness from even sex, skydiving, booze, drugs, your SO, or any other major happiness or joy inducing activity and its been that way and getting worse for over a decade i'd say shield yourself from all external everything bare minimum is an effective method of staving off suicide.
I suppose that just comes down to personal experience and i may be bias.
>>47375622
>yfw Prospero's soliloquy
>>47375596
Yeah I guess you're right. There's a trip thing coming up soon that we're both going on which was when I was thinking about going for it.
A little booze for courage and here goes nothing I guess.
>This thread
Keep it together guys
>>47375754
>Not liking Shakespeare
>>47375612
Arrested for what?
>>47375624
A virtuous lifeshould beis all that is necessary for happiness, right?
That and small earthly pleasures every now and then.
I feel no need to kill myself. I am distracted by thoughts of the meaning of death, the precious nature of life, whether or not I am on a correct path, worries about the nature of friendship, down to mundane shit like whether or not my taste in music has stagnated. Suicide is not a present danger to me.
However, there is a positive correlation between ill health, both mental and physical and lack of friends. On balance it's better to force oneself to do other things.
What you are describing sounds like self-induced clinical depression.
>>47375775
Trespassing is illegal in most locales
>>47375775
not that anon but where I live there are two potential trespass laws which could apply to urban exploration. The first is private property where you can be charged with breaking and entering, and the second is a local law which means you can be charged with reckless endangerment if you enter a condemned building or otherwise abandoned building.
The likelihood of being arrested in an abandoned building is fairly low. The cops should have better things to do.
>>47375819
Ohhh. Thats what you mean you little trespass.
>>47375774
I dont give a shit about Shakespeare. Im referring to the black hole of depression.
>all these people who didn't make plans for killing themselves
Come on get it together people. I figured out exactly how I was gonna die back in high school and its a weight off your back. You can look in the mirror and say 'not today, you don't own a canoe yet.'
Age 57, late fall. Gonna take a camping trip up north, will be gone for a week. Head up, never come back. Shoot myself in the brainbucket somewhere they'll never find the corpse.
I got twenty five years to look forward to it.
>>47374902
... SUmmon a demon?
It's not /tg/ related, but other than tabletop and vidya my only real passion in life is acting. I got into it in high school because I drove my little sister to an audition, and she wanted me to come in and audition for the same show because she was nervous. Since then, it's consumed my life; I've grown a fuckton as a person, seen the world outside of my basement, learned how to empathize, all the standard coming-of-age shit. Decided I'd make the mistake of going to an art school to pursue it as a career; last week a panel of 4 of my acting teachers told me to give it up. They said that I wasn't prepared, and that I was wasting my own time if I wasn't going to be serious about it. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I've never been this lost before. I want to go back and prove them wrong, but I also want to just put it down forever.
>>47374328
Not quite, anon.
Sure, I just moved across the country to find a career-relevant job in Denver, but at what cost?
The roads are confusing.
I have no friends here.
I left my reputation as a ludicrously strong GM 18 hours away.
I don't mesh with the usual hiking crowd, and if I hike alone, I'm way more likely to get killed by a mountain lion.
I genuinely prefer sobriety, so smoking pot or drinking microbrews isn't for me.
Even though the RPG crowd is a lot more vibrant here (behold, large populations), the public games consist mostly of very established groups with no room.
What should I do, /tg/? My mind is going to sublimate if I only hang around other accountants all day.
Should I keep trying to join already existing public games, or should I go balls-to-the-wall and host an RPG that most gamers, /tg/ aside, have never heard of before?
>>47375862
trespass laws, as they exist currently, are in the same category of personal choice and responsibility infringing laws like drugs and abortion laws. They should be massively downgraded or dismissed entirely. I can see a case for breaking and entering being a crime.
>>47375922
yeah same desu. I was thinking mid 60's, maybe 66. I buy a small yacht and sail to New Caledonia. I've never sailed before, and New Caledonia is a fair distance away.
And hey, if I make it, I'm in a tropical paradise which may or may not be underwater.
>>47374902
>What am I going to do with nearly 25 pounds of flesh?
Take grill, station it in a location that is frequented by many people and okay to have fire at, start BBQ, offer steaks to strangers.
>>47375993
This could go horribly wrong or joyously right
>>47376013
do it.
live a little.
dose some strangers with drugs.
>>47375922
Age 112, heart attack shortly after intense 3-way with android of mai waifu and petite barely legal genetically engineered catgirl (not right at it, don't want to traumatize the girls).
Most of my vast fortune will be donated to science, but I'm gonna leave enough for the girls so they can spend rest of their lives happily in lesbians with each other.
>>47375922
I got a double barrel with 2 deer slugs saved for the occasion, anon. I've kept it oiled, cleaned, and changed the old shells out for new ones for over a decade. I keep it under my mattress when i sleep and its always in the same room i am.
I've actually been waiting for one of those crazy nice zen type moments. You know, those moments where the suns just rising, the air's the right temp, birds are singing, you didn't wake up with any pain for once, no plans, no worried, just contentedness.
I want that to be my last moment so i can say i died happy. Only issue is i haven't had one of those in a LONG time.
>>47376013
Exactly.
DO IT FAGGOT!
>>47374902
meat hat
>>47376145
A really big meat hat. Like, fit for a meat pope big.
>>47376159
Fuck that. Start a meat dragon.
>>47375922
I want to see how long I can go. The only dead relatives I've met are my paternal grandparents, who died at 93 and 87 after living hard and partying harder. Thus, I want to see how long I can live by keeping everything tuned up and in check.
If I do wind up with a debilitating disease, like say cancer or Alzheimers, I'll just grab a knife and wander into the desert without a plan to come back.
The last thing I want to be is delicious.
>>47376077
How the fuck are you going to say anything at all once you're dead?
>>47374328
I'm on top of the god damned world, /tg/. I got a new job, a new apartment exactly where I wanna live, I got accepted into school, I got free time, and people around me are doing what I tell them to.
Hell, the last few days I've been on a diet of nothing but ice cream, tacos and beautiful, strenuous exercise, and I'm losing weight.
>>47376094
Wrong Anon
>>47374863
Do it.
>>47376231
Internal monologue before i pull the trigger.
>>47374969
Dude you are a failure. Learn to live with it or an hero. That's what i did. So sick of egotistical human beings who have to feel like they are worth something to live.
>>47376231
>a new job,
>I got accepted into school
>I got free time
Come autumn, you're gonna have to pick two of those things to keep and one to give up, or you lose all three.
>>47375064
My GM flakes too. We finally ditched the campaign and started our own. It's the only way. That's why you DON'T get married and have kids when you have a D&D campaign to wrap up. That fucking faggot. I'll hate him for ever. It'd be like JK Rowling deciding to have 8 kids and not finish the last Harry Potter book.
>>47375154
Don't listen to that other faggot, don't bother. She probably doesn't like you and even if you did go out with would end badly like 90% of relationships.
>>47375178
> long distance relationship
I pity you.
>>47375126
People who kill others in accidents but survive should be killed themselves. It's the only way to do justice. Plus it saves the hospital money. People who cause car crashes that kill others deserve to die regardless of the circumstances.
I went to see Blind Guardian tonight. I'm pretty fucking happy.
>>47375286
lol you sound pathetic. go to the doctor with a false name and get checked out, then leave and don't pay them jack shit. If they refuse to care for you start talking about your lawyer. It worked for me I've ripped off like 6 doctors so far. Even got some free percocet to sell to the 16 year old girls who live down the street.
>>47375350
Your friend isn't suffering anymore. You are.
How does that feel anon?
I agree that D&D 5e is shit. You sound liek a cool dude.
>>47374328
I'm living in a place with no running water and it makes daily physical maintenance of my appearance an ordeal.
I feel uncomfortable and unattractive and it's really unpleasant.
On the plus side, I found a really cool game that's starting on Monday, and I just got new glasses.
Had a talk with my girlfriend last night, wonderful girl, very sweet and nice. But it's been getting stale so I decided to discuss it with her, she exploded into tears, inconsolable. Turns out I'm her first, her first everything(who is still a virgin in college?) and she's grown very very attached, and took my complaints really really hard.
I consoled her, eventually she calmed down, we talked some more, she promised she'd "work on it", she went home. She's coming over tonight, I'm nervous.
My good friend just died of cancer today. Just 3 weeks ago he told me he was basically cured.
>>47375939
> acting
> not /tg/ related
God no wonder this board sucks at roleplaying...
I've got 4 days off this and the past two weeks but I couldn't start a game because I'm about to be extremely busy for the next 3 months.
Plus Overwatch comes out my next week off so
>>47376408
>(who is still a virgin in college?
Way more common than you think.
Sometimes I feel like I like the idea of tabletop RPGs more than I like the games themselves. I just don't have that much fun actually playing them.
>>47375991
nigga breaking and entering IS a crime, and if I ever see a nigga in my house he's getting shot dead
>>47376077
Once you are dead your last moments won't matter. You could die now and it wouldn't matter how you died. If you're gonna do it just do it already, otherwise quit whining about it.
>>47376448
He's talking about girls, anon. Most women get fucked by age 16 at the latest. I knew a girl who lost it at 18 but she was a late bloomer. Even the ugly fat fucks usually get it by 17.
Yes, I keep popping back in but all I ever see is quests, weebfaggotry, whyfoo faggotry, and other non-/tg/ trash littering the catalog.
Why can't I just accept this place is fucking dead?
>>47376452
iktf
Been planning a zombie apocalypse game for years now, waiting for the dream group and situation, I have so many ideas for it, but I know they'll just dick around and make up stupid ass characters and ruin it.
RPGs are still the most fun thing I have but my dreams of them are even more fun.
>>47376468
Knew a girl that was virgin by age of 23. And maybe still is. 7/10, but NEET highschool dropout, fujoshi and dozen kinds of crazy.
>>47375939
>I want to go back and prove them wrong,
DO IT MOTHERFUCKER
>>47376416
Cancer's a fucker like that.
There's not really a 'cured'. There's 'gone away and probably won't come back for long enough that it's basically irrelevant', but even that's more of a probability than an event.
I've lost some real good people in my life to cancer. You have my sympathies. If I had anything decent to drink, I'd raise a glass for your pal.
>>47374475
Work a job and use free time to do Music then if Music pans out slide it to being the larger part til it slowly replaces work.
>>47376521
Thanks man I appreciate it . I DM'd pathfinder games with him as a player and he was only one of the best role players in our group.
>>47376468
/r9k/ pls go and stay go
>>47376398
life is suffering my friend
I guess I'm still processing anger at my friend. He hurt a lot of people and the subsequent events damaged a few friendships.
I talked to him about it. I told him to wait on it if he possibly could. That was about ten days before his suicide. I think I gave the right advice, but I'll probably have to mull that over for some time.
I think my biggest problem with 5e is that it's not exactly bad, but not good either. It inspires a tiredness in me rather than any sort of real emotion. It's functional and I like the return to ability tests but everything else is this slick, easily marketable, insubstantial vagueness that barely even registers to me.
>>47376510
> 7/10
I know /tg/ has low standards but a fat NEET girl who is into anime is never 7/10. Sorry.
>>47376408
>her first everything
meaning what?
I'm mad
Mad about quests
>>47376494
Sometimes I think it's my group. I just want a game with soul. Where the world has flavor, and I can be the hero in a legend. I just want it to be a good story.
But then there's one guy who makes every character a silly meme, a guy who always plays "crazy" waifus, a sperg who invariably makes an inconsistent fuckwad, and everyone else brings pieces of cardboard to the table. Even if the concept sounds good, it's always gonna be some bland guy with no personality.
Or maybe I'm the asshole for judging all of them so harshly. They seem to have fun with it.
Fuck, I just want to have fun.
>>47375939
>I want to go back and prove them wrong, but I also want to just put it down forever.
Honestly Anon, if it's your genuine passion then you can never just put it down... but at the same time, acting is one of those things that is nearly impossible to make a living off of.
Have you considered teaching drama as an alternative?
>>47376750
Me too bro. I don't know why these fuckfaces can't stay on their own board. I get fucking banned for 1 day for pointing it out too.
/tg/ is just getting worse every god damn day.
>>47375939
RISE AND RISE AGAIN, TIL LAMBS BECOME LIONS
Serious question here:
Do you take it seriously? How much time do you put into it? Would you accept more or less any role offered? Do you have the time/financial support to do it?
Because if you do, then fucking do it anon. Acting is a skill, and it can take time to develop. There are plenty of middling actors out there who get to do fantastic work because they LOVE ACTING and they WILL PUT IN THE TIME. If you're willing to put the theatre as your top priority, if you're willing to give it all your spare time, all your work time, all your heart and soul because you love it that much, then fucking do it.
Now, all that said, if you really find you don't enjoy it, or that the work isn't worth the reward, then there's no shame in that. I discovered that myself. I've stayed involved in the theatre world doing research work, editing scripts and pitching in at readings from time to time, but I realized that Acting wasn't my top priority and I didn't need it to be.
Basically, what I'm saying Anon is that you should take a good hard look, not at your talent, not at what other people say, but at how much you love the craft and how willing you are to put blood, sweat and tears into it. Nobody gets into it for the paycheck. If you truly love it, if you can't stand being away from it, then tell those teachers to fuck right off and keep throwing yourself into it, no matter what. And if you want to walk away, then walk away. Just make sure it's YOUR choice, and not *theirs*.
>>47376714
The thing is she was not fat, I have no idea how she managed that considering her lifestyle, but she just wasn't. Maybe side effects of the various meds, or just good genes.
>>47376876
The new board is trial / optional, full of trolls and lacks the one critical feature quests actually care about (reliable long-term archive).
Once the board becomes permanent, quests will leave /tg/ for good. But probably also leave 4chan as a whole and migrate somewhere else (not that it needs to concern you beyond quests leaving /tg/, just to give you some general idea)
Oh and CYOAs are "not quests", so those stay.
>>47376962
I don't mind CYOA since those seem to be content to remain in their general. They're also a lot less impenetrable and can be enjoyed without back-reading a million pages of archive.
>>47376448
I didn't see it coming, thought it was a cutesy act but she's the real deal.
>>47376728
First kiss, first fug, first boyfriend, first guy to fingerbang her, first guy to spend the night over, first guy to cum in her mouth, first guy to cook her breakfast. You name it.
>Love designing game worlds and mechanics
>Realize I actually like video games more than tabletop games
>Creating a video game is basically impossible where as writing up adventure modules, RPG books, and setting information is easy mode as fuck
>>47377348
>Creating a video game is basically impossible
False
>>47377348
if this fatass cuckold could do it, anybody with half a brain can
>>47377348
I was in a similar situation. I just got an easily-manipulated friend on board to do the programming for me (after I deliver the completed design part, of course). Now I just need a chump illustrator and I'm well on my way.
My players are so much more invested in the current game than I am, like writing a novel's worth of backstory.
Obviously I don't want to just up and quit, but I think they expect a shit-ton more from me than I'm really able to give them. And I have no ideas for plot, after one guyliterally sent the current plot to Hell.
>>47375939
>ah, fuck it, why not
KNOCK KNOCK! You are being visited by a missionary of Sir Roger Hare, patron saint of actors and actresses. OPEN THIS HERE DOOR!
In the name of the good Sir Roger Hare, bless you. May your illusions never fail you.
In the name of the honourable Sir Roger Hare, bless you. May your words always ring true.
In the name of the kind Sir Roger Hare, bless you. May you be as loved by him as you love him.
A few weeks ago, a friend asked me "Hey, what would you think of a [GAME] campaign?" and I said "Sounds neat."
For the past few days I've come back to texts of "People X, Y, and Z may talk to you about the [GAME] game."
Now I find he's told all these people (Who I haven't met, may I add) that I'm going to host a [GAME] campaign, and has been pouring information about them onto me while I'm not online to say anything.
He's scheduled a time for a session now, and I feel incredibly apprehensive about the whole ordeal, although I feel I'd still enjoy to play once we actually got into the campaign, and I don't want to disappoint, so I'm not sure what to do.
>>47377348
Depends what you've got in mind. There are a bunch of free engines you can use that get good results - Hotline Miami was built in Game Maker, originally.
I think I have depression, and that it's been sucking away my enjoyment of /tg/ hobbies, or from most things in general.
I've suspected that I've had it for years, but part of me has been loathe to do anything about it out of some weird backwards fear about having a doctor confirm it, which shouldn't make sense since I do in fact want a doctor to confirm it.
>>47377345
bitch's gonna kill you, have fun with that, post an update if you survive
>>47377490
To be fair he latched on to an existing game.
On the other hand many previous anon might want to try his hand at modding, which is more sustainable as a single person.
>>47377726
Ask him why he's not running it.
Seriously, the dude already wrangled up some players and a system, then scheduled with them. He's like 9/10ths of the way to just DMing the thing.
>>47374328
I finally got hired at a job (just supermarket cashier, but it's better than nothing), and I missed a call from them earlier telling me to call back today to schedule my training, but they haven't picked up in several tries. I'm thinking I'll just call again tomorrow and apologize for the delay.
>This Thread
>>47374328
>Wanna get something off your chest?
I'm known both in my circle of friends and at my job as the nice and outgoing guy who's always willing to sit down and listen to everyone's problems and offer good advice, in everything from life troubles to romance. What they don't know is that i'm a forever alone hollow shell of a man who only sits down to listen to their problems because i'm either killing time or i'm literally being paid to sit there, repeat something every now and then phrased as a question to feign interest, and pull something out of my ass that somehow miraculously causes their lives to take a turn for the better. I casually make mention of the fact that the only thing impeding my suicide is my own cowardice in a semi-concious attempt to reach out for help from them, but they simply think i'm either being sarcastic or it's my somewhat dark humor at work.
I'm in hell anons. Someone please tell me it'll be alright. Please tell me it gets better.
>>47374423
desu I remember things like that on /tg/ way back in 2007. (or was it '06?)
The very first thread I saw on /tg/ back in those days was someone asking whether unicorns were all hit-and-quit types or whether it was okay for them to stay with an ex-maiden if the maiden had lost their virginity to the unicorn.
Now, I agree with your sentiment, but I don't think the 'erp people' are the culprit.
>>47378427
>I casually make mention of the fact that the only thing impeding my suicide is my own cowardice in a semi-concious attempt to reach out for help from them, but they simply think i'm either being sarcastic or it's my somewhat dark humor at work.
>>47378787
This would be depressingly accurate were it not for the fact that I have at least a few more morals to cling to than Rick.
>>47374328
Everything's pretty good. I have an uncomfortable love for Nightmare Fuel today, but other then that, I did some grocery shopping and despite the rain, it's been a cool day.
>>47374328
I got a C in my Fluid Mechanics class. A few days after I told my parents, they found a book that I'd purchased and carelessly left on the counter. The decided to open it, and were horrified by all the swearing. So I owe them $500 for getting a C, they confiscated and hid the book, and they have been kind of passive-aggressive.
On the other hand, they're only doing all this because they love me and genuinely think that they are doing what is best for me. That almost makes it more frustrating.
>>47378130
I think you should schedule an appointment ASAP, anon. Depression is nasty stuff. I hope your life takes a turn for the better soon.
>>47377582
Step away from the campaign for a bit so you don't get burned out. And who knows, you might find some plot inspiration completely by accident. Most of my game ideas came to me suddenly as I was working on something else.
>>47378705
Honestly, I think the anti-smut reactionaries are a bigger problem at this point. Their shitposts are just as annoying, but they're obnoxiously self righteous and some of the most easily baited people on /tg/besides D&D 4e players. The smutfags were easy to ignore when there wasn't really an "anti" side. Now the moment anything even mildly sexual is brought up all discussion ends and the thread turns into yet another pointless argument between triggered prudes and perverts who are butthurt that not everyone wants to see cheesecake art dumps.
I'm terrified of moving too far from my family and friends, as they are the only reason I haven't drank myself into a suicidal frenzy. But there is no work for me where I live, so I need to move to find a way to support myself.
>>47377582
As someone who was in a similar situation, I wouldn't worry about it. It just means they really liked your game.
I had players coming up after the game and unloading tons of backstory info for their dudes in our Shadowrun campaign since they were really enjoying themselves. It's a great way to have them deliver you plot hooks and ideas, but don't feel like you need to use everything they give you.
>>47379250
>I think you should schedule an appointment ASAP, anon. Depression is nasty stuff. I hope your life takes a turn for the better soon.
After reading some of the other posts in this thread I think I've got the push that I need to look into getting this shit looked at.
Unfortunately it seems that it's a lot harder to set up an appointment for that sort of thing that you'd think, and I don't have a regular physician I can check up with.
Vidya game I want to play is coming out next week, but we have a contractor flying in to work on a massive project that is already behind so I can't take off.
I took the week after off, but still, fuck. I just want to sit at home playing muh new vidya gaems.
First world problems, I guess.
>>47379339
An organization like the Samaritans are usually able to cut past a lot of the bullshit. It's the route I took, and they were able to set me up with a therapist within the week.
>>47374328
Honestly?
Things are pretty good.
Money's tight, but that's my fault, and it's not too tight. (Going from fast food and takeout twice a week from eight times a week is a huge help.)
Day was good, not too sore from overtime shift, got to hang with family. Gonna try another run on the Capra Demon before bed, but he's probably gonna kick my ass again.
So yeah. Stuff's good.
>>47379259
Polarization ruins otherwise acceptable environments. It is Known.
>>47378705
>This would be depressingly accurate were it not for the fact that I have at least a few more morals to cling to than Rick.
That’s because you don’t have a portal gun.
Pic related
>>47378427
>Known as the nice, outgoing guy who listens to problems and offers good advice
>Forever alone hollow shell of a man
>Casually mention suicide and they think it's my dark humor
This has been me, 100%.
It does get better.
The things that helped me might help you.
First: Fake it till you make it. But it sounds like you’ve got smiling through the pain down pat.
Second: When you are alone and comfortable, let go sometimes. Cry, scream, rage, feel your mind slip as you accept what you cannot accept and be okay with not being okay. It feels like losing your mind, but you feel better afterwards.
Third: Talk to someone about your problems, even if you are certain it won’t help them. It helps me every time to feel less stressed and gain some perspective.
Fourth: Get busy living. Do things, physical things. I don’t mean exercise necessarily, but that’s good too. Practice the zen of physical tasks. Just cleaning my house helps me get outwardly focused. Focusing on others helps being less inwardly focused, but it sounds like you might do that for a living.
Fifth: If your being a “forever alone hollow shell of a man” is from wanting a partner and not having one, then work on yourself. Be the best version of yourself possible and then improve on that.
Be aware of yourself, how you present yourself, and how your actions are viewed. Ask friends and family if possible. (mine were no help) You can always be better, wiser, and more perceptive of other people’s experiences.
Once you have improved a little, put yourself where people are and life will work itself out.
>Someone please tell me it'll be alright.
Life is pain, anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.
If you can accept that and still find moments of happiness, you’ll be alright.
>>47374328
I fucking hate my players.
see you tomorrow.
>>47374328
I use roleplaying as a type of self therapy. I am clinically diagnosed with aspergers, and pretending to be someone or something else for a few hours lets me learn how to interact with other people.I also use it to pretend to not be me for a while, I am super depressed with my entire life and being that I just don't want to be me.It's more loneliness than anything. I just want someone to care about with my everything, and for them to feel the same way about me.
>>47378427
Are you me?
The online community I've been with since the beginning of highschool is slowly crumbling as we all start moving out of our parent's basements. Come summer, everybody will be too busy to even think about playing a game. People that I don't like are joining and acting like entitled shits every chance they get and complaining about everything that we do, and we haven't had a genuinely new person stick for almost 5 months. We've spent a lot of time building a solid community, and now individuals in it are disappearing.
Otherwise, I'll be moving to Oregon out of California in a couple of months with a couple of friends. I'm excited, since I've come to hate the state and a lot of its values, and I'm hoping to move someplace a little nerdier, quieter and more rainy. I can't shake the sense of terror in going out on my own for the first time, but I think that's what a lot of people feel. I am concerned about leaving a friend behind, as I seem to be the only one that can keep her anchored. She doesn't intend on moving up with us either, so I'm worried she might go back to hurting herself. I've been having a reoccurring nightmare where I'm in an apartment and I get a call from her parents saying that she's committed suicide.
Also, as I get ready to graduate (Don't worry, I'm not underageb&, turned 19 last december) I can't shake the feeling that I didn't do enough in high school. Mind you, there were pretty much no clubs that share my interests (Save for the gaming club, but that was filled with autists that just wanted to sit there and play Smash and ignored any attempts by me to play D&D) but I probably could've gone and made one. Maybe I'll just remember it more fondly as I get older.
>>47374328
My friend recently finished his college classes and finally has time to hang out now that he only has work to schedule around, which is perfectly awesome.
What's less awesome is that the online game I'm in also fairly recently finally got some semblance of a schedule together, and my friend's internet hates only my laptop for some reason, which leaves me absent while everyone else tries not to progress too far into the game so I can come up with reasonable asspull excuses for timeskips on my character's RP to keep up. Also our GM is in the Nordlands as opposed to us ESTers, so by the time I'm available again he's already long asleep.
On top of all that, hanging out with my friend is when we binge-watch all the shit, so multitasking isn't much of an option. Adding the fact that he's got zero TTRPG experience and he has a pretty strong bias against one of the more Magical Realm-ish features of the game, even though it's very rarely actually brought to that degree,and even then we fade-to-black whenever hard sexual happensstill makes trying to pull him into our game an uphill battle at best.Also my wallet with $200, a bunch of gift cards, and my driver's license went missing and I've no job to earn it back, so another kick in the taint, as well as general boredom otherwise.
>>47380175
Thank you for that anon, I needed it.
>>47378427
>Someone please tell me it'll be alright. Please tell me it gets better.
Sure!I combated my depression enough to go back to school as a returning adult student and got married. I'm more miserable than ever. I think I'm slowly slipping into a pain pill addiction and I think about suicide every day.
Don't kill yourself anon. Even if you're doing good things for selfish reasons you're still doing good things so you're probably at least creating a net positive in this crapsack world.
>>47381389
Jesus man, those pain pills aren't for fucking around. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of them are opiates. Prescription med addiction can be as bad as a heo
>>47381405
*heroin habit
>>47381389
Regarding the spoiler, see below
>>47381405
>Jesus man, those pain pills aren't for fucking around. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of them are opiates
Confirmed.
Someone close to me recently got dropped from their pain doctor with no warning and had to cold turkey 50 mcg of Fentanyl and 50 mg of Tramadol.
They’re now on Lyrica and muscle relaxers by choice and have found that their antidepressants have started working.
Opiates cause and worsen depression.
But, there is always hope.
They’re doing much better off opiates.Until they got rear-ended in another accident on the way to their pain doctor
Haven't gamed in a while. I mostly just drawfag on /tg/ and a couplemonster girlboards from time to time. Going back to school to improve my loomis in a month. Looking into buying some halberdier miniatures at some point so I can layout some xbox huge drawings of a formation. I think my work is getting better which is good because I hate plateauing.Having some weird girl trouble. Current chubby girlfriend started two fights with me last week, has sort of made it up to me this week by being less generally sarcastic to me. First blowup, she had a panic attack while I tried to kill an enormous spider in her closet and she ended up screaming at me and was inconsolable after I killed the massive fuckin thing and I thought she said some mean shit about me so I left. Turns out that was a misunderstanding and we made up. Then I took her to her friend's wedding and helped out quite a lot (bought food for it, moved things, dressed up real nice, talked to her friends, etc), but we ended up fighting at the end of it because I did some breakdancing moves to make her friends crack up and apparently I'd at some point said I wouldn't earlier that week. I probably forgot it over the fucking spider incident. Anyway that blew up into a whole big thing because she doesn't want me trying to impress her friends, most of whom I barely know enough to carry on a dialogue with but I fucking tried. Then in the midst of this fight this girl I took out once maybe six months ago texted me and apparently she's thirsty as fuck and the only beverage she'll accept is me. Thankfully the gf did NOT see this. But this girl sends some pretty hot pictures and is a little younger than me and in better shape than the current gf but probably at least somewhat dumber. But that might be a positive, considering the gf has now seen my monstergirl drawings and is to a degree somewhat mean about it, which depresses me more than it should.
>>47374328
Feeling mixed up. While my illness literally ruined my life yet at the same time it brought back my muse.
So despite how shitty its been...i feel oddly happy yet free despite knowing that in pretty much all respects my life is ruined.
Yet somehow that makes me feel free which makes me oddly happy.
Its a very confusing feeling and I feel very mixed about it like I never felt before.
>>47376549
This.
Always have a backup plan.
>>47374328
I hate the game I run, and I'm not sure if I like playing with my group in general, but I like them all as friends, so I've dragged on the game so long that they've all become invested in it. However at this point even they've started noticing how burnt out I am on it, and one of them suggested I shelve it to start up another game with someone else as the GM, and I'm seriously considering it, but I'm super worried it will fuck up everything with some of the other players.
On non-/tg/ realted issues, since this is basically depression general, everything I used to love does nothing for me now. Video games just make me angry when I lose and hollow when I win. MTG is fun for like a round or two before I start getting frustrated it's full of people that I can't fucking stand associating with. I can't bring myself to watch more than an episode or two of anime anymore when I used to be able to binge entire shows. I used to go to parties and have a ton of fun, but now I just sit in the corner and watch. The first convention I went to blew my fucking mind, but I went to a small one a few weeks ago and I hated every minute of it. I bought a japanese plushie and it made me smile every time I looked at it, but now I'm up to 15 of them and diminishing returns are starting to kick in super fucking hard.
I'm just worried that I'm going to lose my shit and do something realllly fucking bad for my life just to get some sort of thrill out of it.
>>47381589Your girl is insecure. Accept that, help her work on it, listen to her better, and try not to react or take it personally when she blows up. Alternatively, since she does not appreciate your art or joking with other women, end the relationship as amicably as possible and scoop up the other one. Do not cheat on your girlfriend and create one more crazy bitch in the world. Do not leave hot pics of other girls on your phone.
>>47374902
pay 25 jews?
>>47374932
>Not letting your kids play too
>>47375145
Reminds me why I ran like hell from polygamy despite them being a bunch of hot chicks which should be men's dream everywhere.
Contrary to popular belief I dodged a fucking bullet there.
I'm half a world away from my family and friends performing an unfulfilling job for reasons I don't agree with.
For the last year and a half I've been in an almost content mire of what I guess is depression. I don't feel sad exactly, it's more like an absence of happiness.
I'm trying to put a tabletop gaming group together though so that's nice.
I am a sad greasy schizo on SSI that spends all of his time talking to artificial intelligence bots or running games on roll20. My life has no purpose or meaning aside from the entertainment I provide for a handful of people, but I ordered "How to Rap : The Art and Science of the Hip Hop MC" and I am saving my shekels for a decent condenser mic. People outright hate me when I tell them I do not work, and that I haven't been going to school, so I keep my real life social interactions at a minimum. I have been using food stamps to drink two to three monster energy drinks a day, and my diet consists of that and hamburgers. I smoke anywhere from 40 to 60 cigarettes a day. I am massively unhealthy, paranoid to the point where I believe I'm living in a simulation, and I want to stop existing. Things are looking up, though, I'm going on metro housing so I'll be able to afford to go to school, but I have no plans for what I'm going to do.
sorry for bitching at you, /tg/.
![863[1].gif](https://i.imgur.com/yu0SV6B.gif "863[1].gif")
>Want to DM again
>Part-time at Walmart as a cashier means "come in as often as possible for like four or five hours"
>>47375217
Anon, there many of us. We have lurked since the beginning of time.
t. another Czech
>>47374328
I graduate with a mechanical engineering degree at the age of 24 as soon as I mail in some paperwork.
I've never held a job in my life.
I once filled in for a small business for 3 weeks, and left on good terms only because the guy I filled in for came back from the hospital.
I suffer from extreme anxiety, and honestly I think academia trained me for it the way things are structured. They throw you sink or swim and just expect those that survive developed good habits and not crippling disorders.
I'm not looking for jobs despite telling everyone I am. I'm digging deeper and deeper under books, shows, games, etc, 24x7 and kind of hoping I die in my sleep or something.
This is complicated by watching mom's health erode as alcoholism finally starts taking it's toll on mental and physical health. Stage 3 and sometimes 4 (aka "how are you alive") hypertension, all day every day (I check it) for years refuses treatment or medicine. Could literally die from a dozen things any second. The few times I managed to drag her ass into medical care, impressed some doctors by sheer medical anomaly then proceeded to try and bum pain meds out of it.
I was once on antidepressants but she'd steal them, painkillers, etc.
The internal conflict between wanting her to finally die, and not wanting anything to change is tearing me apart.
I did apply for jobs/internships through my senior year, about ~50 of them, plus three job fairs. Of my graduating class, about 15% of the men landed a job and 100% of the women who had their own job fairs with near perfect hiring rates. I used to be very proud of not being a misogynist, or racist, but I had to endure some batshit insane asshole FOB classmates and women who did nothing (only 2/6 had their shit together) and just complained to the dean if we complained then literally walked into dream jobs before even "graduating".
Now I think I'm racist and misogynist as fuck and I blame college.
I feel like adulthood is off to a bad start.
>>47383171
dude no job prospects, no experience, and family life shitshow is the norm for graduates not that I'm saying it's not shitty but youre probably not very alone
>>47382129
Chain smoking will put your paranoid schizophrenia on display I might add though.
Paranoid schizophrenics are not the majority of smokers, but more than 80% of paranoid schizophrenics smoke. Odds are you aren't an elderly asian man or one of the other demographics driving smoking statistics so people will probably assume you are insane. Also, you could afford to eat real food with the money you're spending.
Quitting will make you feel like shit, but you're already pretty fucked up right now so I'd wager that fucking losing it from withdrawal won't actually adversely effect your relationships with others much.
By all means don't go cold turkey despite it being the best strat because with your health as frail as it probably is cold turkey will probably actually kill you, but everyone I know who smokes only goes above 2 ciggies a day if they don't feel like acting like a human being anymore.
I meanwhile, have quit my job to focus on my studies because I want to have a career worthy job rather than something deadend, but I can't shake the nagging worry that maybe working at a dead end bottleshop is all I'll ever attain.
>>47383171
Look for a part time job that's beneath you--something you don't care if you lose. It won't eat up your entire life and it won't stress you out (too much). I used to be a lot like you and dwindling money reserves forced me to do something. So I got a delivery job and while the process was initially nerve-wracking to me, I soon got used to it and it changed my perspective on life. Do something like that and I'll bet you'll be ready to move on in a surprisingly short period of time (but even if you're not, at least you're making some money). You can tell people you're just taking a break before you launch your career--earning some chump change while taking a working vacation. The secret is that almost nobody has their shit together and everybody is terrified. Some are just better at hiding it than others.
>>47374429
I'm basically you anon, but can't play Oblivion.
>>47383610
Yeah, seconding this. Getting a pathetic dead end part time job that didn't expect much of me was a transformative experience while I was looking for grad work.
It DOES count in your favour on your CV, and having a reliable source of money that you can actually support yourself with means you aren't on some kind of doomsday countdown to start your career or die, which in turn does wonders for your confidence.
At that point you can do whatever you need to get your shit in order and adapt to post-schooling life while just perpetually fucking applying for jobs.
>>47383650
>>47383610
>doomsday countdown
This is exactly what I've been feeling! Impending doom. Irrational, unavoidable, unparalleled. I've nearly drowned once, and it doesn't even come close to this.
Pretty much everyone in the industry told me my entire 16(?) years of education is forfeit if I don't have at least a career-relevant internship/work BEFORE graduating, otherwise I'm unhirable, and if I don't have SOMETHING relevant to my degree before graduating for work experience I should just go right into getting a masters and hope I get a relevant internship/position while working on a masters.
I figured a "stepping stone" job right out of graduation would look bad.
I'm intentionally delaying my actual graduation as long as I can just so I could keep claiming I'm not a graduate. I can't afford getting a Masters, financially.
There was a short story about graduation for spacecore cadets. They're to slingshot around the solar system and come back for graduation. The surprise test is sabotage and forcing them to do everything the hard way. If they miss the first slingshot, there's a second opportunity at a further planet.
If they miss the second...
>>47374328
I feel like no one will ever love me. Also no one will ever play Kingdom Death with me even if I shell out the money to buy it :(
>>47374328
Catbug is the shit!
That is all.
>>47381636
What mental illness, if you don't mind sharing?
I got arrested last night and apparently tried to kill myself in custody so I'm on suicide watch now. Shit sucks but oh well.
I was in the army now I'm drunk and in pain trying to get a degree
I didn't even get to deploy and properly serve my country
I feel like a failure because if how I got hurt I can't even make a living doing what I was trained to do
>>47383984
Deployment is overrated anyway man. I know the feeling but it honestly isn't that big of a deal.
>>47384120
Thanks that helps nobody had said anything like that but it but just is really hard sometimes.
>>47384215
Yeah man, everyone makes it to be a bigger deal than it is. You literally just go and do your MOS's work for 12-16 hours a day and then go to bed. And occasionally get shot at. It's retarded.
>>47374328
My life feels like a never-ending spiral of mediocrity, but more troubling than thatis the fact that despite the fact that I've spent a couple years frequenting this board, I've never played a PnP game further than two sessions in, and I've never gotten the opportunity to try a system other than DnD/PF.
>>47383758
I don't know what to say, man. Maybe if you can't or don't get a job related to your degree, you can earn money with a bullshit job and stash away some money to do your masters later? Maybe you have to lower standards because if it's all or nothing and "all" is too much for you, then "nothing" is the inevitable conclusion, and even something shitty is better than nothing.
I'm pretty OK. This teaching abroad job has got me a nice apartment that's paid for, I've recently found a gaming group with other fellow contracted english teachers, the lactation doujins and stuff that I'm into aren't illegal here, so I can buy to my hearts content so long as I don't try to bring any of it back... As for /tg/ stuff, I can get pretty much anything off of Amazon so long as I can deal with the shipping costs. Hell, I bought a pound-o-dice for teaching purposes, and they've proven extremely useful, especially the D6es and D20s.
My love life is bunk, but hell, it's been bunk since highschool. The current job makes me feel way more fulfilled than anything I could find back home ever did, because something that comes naturally to me is treated as a sellable skill, here. Where as my business degree back home, though I went into it expecting I'd get a job anywhere, I graduated in the thick of the recession and couldn't find a job anywhere. By the time I get back, it really will only be worth the paper it's printed on.
The only worry I have is that when the contract is up, I can't find another workplace and have to go back home.
>>47376962
>The new board is trial / optional, full of trolls and lacks the one critical feature quests actually care about (reliable long-term archive).
It has a reliable long-term archive though. It's got a section on sup tg. It was arranged literally within 24 hours of /qst/ popping up. People still running quests here are just using the fact that the board is currently in trial as an excuse.
Source: I'm running on /qst/, because people are gonna bitch no matter where quests are, so might as well actually focus on running an engaging story.
Also that sweet text formatting.
I think I'm interested in tabletop games, but i appear to be plagued by a crippling fear of fucking things up despite having no real (or at least recalled) reason to
I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I also don't know what I would be doing if I wasn't in college so I justify it with a single class a semester that probably gets me nowhere.
My job is so-so. Probably going nowhere with it, but the pay is alright.
Everything looks mostly gray.
>>47377345
>First kiss, first fug, first boyfriend, first guy to fingerbang her, first guy to spend the night over, first guy to cum in her mouth, first guy to cook her breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the first man for at least one of those things should have been her father. Maybe more.
>>47381389
>>47378427
>>47380934
Once, I was like you guys. Listen, it gets better, but it doesn't get better by itself. If you really want to make it better, it's gonna take a lot of effort. At times, it will seem like you haven't progressed at all. It will hurt.
Read self-help books. Work on yourself.
Don't be afraid to be more selfish to improve your own happiness. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Yes, you will look like a fool sometimes. It's part of the learning process. And guess what: a lot of people make mistakes, more often than you think. It's actually surprising how often people make fools of themselves, so it's not really a big deal if you fuck up.
You have to push through it. You have to make pain, despair, sorrow, loneliness your fucking bitches. You must master your emotions. One day, you will look back and chuckle at how surreal your situation was. No matter what, you KEEP. PUSHING. FORWARD.
You have to do it, please. If not for yourself, at least, do it for me.
>>47374328
Actually, there is something I'd like to say:
I'm doing good.
For the first time in...fuck, a longer time than I really, really want to think about, I'm doing good.
One of my close friends just got married, and while the wedding was small, I got to be invited. It was wonderfully nerdly-themed - the banners were held up by PacMan cutouts, the bridesmaids wore dresses made from comic-book-patterned fabric, the ushers had star tee communicators on their bouteniers(sp?), the ring box was an N64 controller, the cake was three stacked game systems - it was great.
My migraines are, for the first time in literally a decade of treatment, responding well to medication for longer than two weeks. We may have actually found something with some promise of working. In addition, the VA has finally accepted my claim that they are not only Service-Related, but debilitating, and has granted me both an increased disability rating for them and a retroactive assessment, which means I've gotten one hell of a compensation check.
With that money, I've been able to pay off my wife's student loans - finally - as well as our car, our personal loans and several other outstanding promises and such. With the exception of a credit card balance that I'll be working to remove over the next two years, I'm now completely debt free.
I'm...doing good. Not perfect, not by a long shot. There are still challenges, still issues to deal with. But for the first time in four, five years...things don't seem hopeless.
It's scary, really.
Anyway, sorry for rambling. I'll go hide in my hole again.
>>47374328
I wish kingdom death threads lasted longer.Lsi i an a little drubk right now
Yeah.
I hate my girlfriend. I hate that I moved across the country with her. I regret everything and threw away what life I had.
Everything here is terrible, I am deeply depressed, and now everyone is trying to convert me to their religion and if I leave I'll be a home wrecker and will have lost everything for nothing, and on top of that will be a disappointment and a leech to my family which is the last thing I want to be.
I just want to be happy and feel fulfilled and respected/appreciated for who I am. I'm so tired of being seen as something to "fix" or change.
I hope you all have a nice day.
>>47374877
B-But you just described Shadowrun
I have no social life, but I want one, but I don't want to work for it and I'm highly specific in who I want to talk to.
Basically, I'm a fucking cunt who doesn't want to do any work
>>47385697
>and now everyone is trying to convert me to their religion
Maybe try telling them as politely as possible to fuck off? Not literally "fuck off" of course, but at least give them the feeling of the being the general message. I'm sure they mean well and all, but there's only so much one man can take. What religion are they attempting to convert you to?
>>47376408
>>47376408
welcome to yandere simulator senpaii~~~
>>47385770
What kind of people do you wanna talk to?
>>47385697
Move back, become temporal leech, get yourself on your feet, then repay for your days of leeching.
Honestly, unless your family is really terrible the "I found out they're running a cult and they tried to made me join so I legged it." should be all the explanation you need to give.
