>Yesterday on the All Guardsmen Party:
On the outskirts of the minor war occurring in the middle of the evidence warehouse, a group of genestealer cultists finally finished off the Inquisitorial minions that had been keeping them from the cell that contained their master. They clustered around the cell door and began hacking at it with their claws and weapons, but paused at the sound of approaching footsteps and turned to face the new threat.
Twitch came around the corner at a dead sprint, saw the group of mutated cultists, sighted on an alley on the far-right side of their group, closed his eyes, and triggered the under-barrel flash grenade launcher on his pulse-carbine. He barreled into the stunned cultists, knocking two aside with his shoulders and nearly tripping over a third, and somehow managed to push his way through them to the alley he had targeted, where he slammed head-first into a crate. Twitch reeled backwards, barely dodged a falling crate marked "CLASS-5 FORBIDDEN XENOTECH", and staggered into the alley before any of the cultists could follow. Behind him there was a high-pitched "WAAAGH" and the distinctive sound of a warp-propelled hand-truck slamming through bodies like a demented war-chariot.
There was a split second where Twitch worried that he'd under-estimated the Weirdboy's momentum and the xenos would just bowl through the cultists and keep chasing, but then he hear a horrible schlorp sound and a bellow of: "YOUZ GETS A SQUIGGIN, AND YOUZ GETS A SQUIGGIN, AND YOUS GETS A SQUIGGIN, EVERYONE GETS A ZOGGIN SQUIGGIN." With that, Twitch declared the plan a success, and began working his way towards the Daemonthrope crater. After a minute or so he ran into Nubby, who complained that he was tired of dragging Fumbles and insisted Twitch take a turn. Fumbles groaned and asked whether he could be carried upright, as the floor was really beginning to chafe.
The three of them arrived back at the crater just in time to see Doc get stabbed in the face.
Woo!
>>46600041
This is going to be pretty short (like 10 post short) because the Sarge + Aimy + Marines part and the Massive fucking infodump at the end (which I really wish I could just deliver as a bulleted list) aren't done.
I'm going to post what I've got, though. Because I said I would and will be returning with more next Sunday.
In other news, I bought a domain because Google told me their turning off drive-hosting in August when I complained about hosting problems.
So here's the exact same thing I link every time, except with a much shorter URL:
http://www.theallguardsmenparty.com/
>Blah blah, slow, blah blah images and proofing. It's a short thread though, so who cares.
>>46600041
holy shit i caught it live and at the beggining
>>46600041
I just want you to know that you are up there with all the other great writefags of /tg/ history. I love All Guardsmen Party.
HOLY FUCK I GOT IT LIVE FOR ONCE
B A S E D
A
S
E
D
>>46600041
F5-ing like a motherfucker
>>46600063
We do what we must, because we can. Welcome back, and thanks for sticking with it! Also, congrats on the new site.
>>46600063
>next Sunday
>>46600041
Up until Nubby and Twitch's return, things had been pretty uneventful in the crater.
Tink had started his work by surveying the remains of the Containment Unit. It was hard to say exactly what the Inquisitor had been doing to it prior the the shit-fanning, but since the bottom half of it was pretty much vaporized, Tink was willing to bet that it had ended with Daemonthrope doing something to overload the batteries. Luckily though, the top half was pretty much intact, and that was where Spot, the fancy Wraithbone suppressor, and a single mundane psi-suppressor had been mounted, so he got to work on prying those free.
While Tink worked he tried to figure out what to do with the stuff once it was pried out. His original orders had been to: "Go get your Wraithbone thingy and, I don't know, figure out how to turn it into a gun or something.", but he wasn't exactly sure how to do that. In fact, he really had no idea how the extra-powerful suppressor worked, and was pretty sure Fio didn't actually know either, despite the little xenos being the one who'd created the thing. All Tink knew was that the Tau-thingy made the Wraithbone-thingy project some anti-psi thingy, and if you connected tendrils of psi-conducive material to the device you could spread the anti-psi around a bit.
Anyway, his original plan had been to just pull out Spot, fix anything that was obviously wrong with it and the Wraithbone suppressor, and then maybe make a net or something out of the tendrils. The problem was that the tendrils were completely gone, and even worse, the stupid Eldar had done something to stretch the wraithbone out like taffy. What had once been a cinder-block sized brick, was now a vaguely phallic-looking object about a meter long, and while Fio's device was still intact, it no longer fit properly. Lacking any real idea what to do, Tink decided to just go ahead with the pulling and fixing, and just hope that he'd spontaneously think of something clever.
LETS FUCKING GO
>>46600063
>10 posts
>>46600130
I'm betting that the whole debacle happened because the inquisitor went, "What? There's a chunk of wraithbone rigged up here. No point incinerating *that*, we better take that off and put it in storage- oh emperor what's happening"
>>46600041
>The three of them arrived back at the crater just in time to see Doc get stabbed in the face.
DOOCCCCCCCC!!!!!!!!
>>46600130
>the stupid Eldar had done something to stretch the wraithbone out like taffy. What had once been a cinder-block sized brick, was now a vaguely phallic-looking object
Hehehehehehe...
>>46600130
Based shotgun, before yesterday, I thought you died. We all missed your brilliant writing.
>>46600082
Well that's nice to hear, thanks!
>>46600105
Thanks, I like the nice clean address though I'd have preferred to just keep mooching free hosting. Still, it's going to cost less than your average trip to taco bell, so I guess its not a big deal.
>>46600119
God I hope that's the last one to finish this half-chapter. Writing time is so limited these days...
>>46600159
>>46600169
Sorries, am slows, but said I'd post.
>>46600258
It's okay Shoggy we still love you.
He returns, as was for told by the prophecy!
>>46600258
If you ever need takers to help with proofreading, don't be afraid to ask.
Otherwise keep up the good work!I dream of finding a group capable of keeping this sort of game going. I live in Colorado and hearing that your GM is in the state somehow makes me more optimistic.
>>46600130
Tink still hadn't thought of anything by the time he'd finished prying everything loose, so he screwed around for a few minutes setting up the mundane psi-suppressor next to Doc so the medic would stop bugging him about it. While he did this, the techie debated pulling out his plasma gun and telling the Eldar to return the wraithbone to its original shape or die. Doc was against the idea for various reasons, and there was a brief argument which ended with Tink asking the highly inappropriate question of why the xenos had reshaped the wraithbone into an, ahem, "giant stone dong". Doc impatiently told the techie that she was probably making a spear or something, and suggested that he get back to work.
Doc's response triggered something in Tink's imagination and the techie got thoughtful. Then he got even more thoughtful. Then he went over to his drone, lined up all the parts in a new orientation, and started snickering. And that's why, at the end of things, it turned out that our secret anti-Daemonthrope weapon was Spot the Wonder Drone with an amusingly-shaped wraithbone spear strapped to its undercarriage. You know, like a battering ram, or a bayonet, or… well… a lot of other non-phallic things…
ANYWAY, Tink got to work strapping things on and just bending the shit out of Fio's device until it fit the new shape, and the whole time this was going on, Doc continued watching the door and working on his patient. The medic's time at the bottom of the crater was even less interesting than Tink's, for the most part at least. The Eldar wasn't in great shape: plasma and pulse rounds are nasty enough when you're in full armor, taking a barrage more or less naked is NOT good for one's health. Still though, they were the sort of wounds Doc was good at treating, and he did a fair job of patching her up. Hell, he even cleaned the all the gore and the debris off the area of floor he was operating on, if that's not quality service, I don't know what is.
>>46600343
>>46600130
>>46600041
Waaaaait a minute. Did I miss something, or is all this in media res? Just making sure.
>>46600389
Were you here yesterday?
>>46600389
There was one yesterday, check http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/46575971/
>>46600343
Wait, when did spot got cat ears?
>>46600486
Spot was going through a phase.And by spot I mean think.
>>46600343
Don't get deaded Doc!
>>46600343
Doc did good work. Half-cauterized wounds were sprayed with sealant, the two bags of Inquisition-Torturer™ Brand Xenos Blood Substitute (Non-fatal to over 60% of humanoid xenos scum! Extend your torture experience for WEEKS!) were administered, a completely-mangled arm was removed and tossed into a corner somewhere, and a bunch of other boring medical stuff was done.
For the most part the Eldar just laid there unconscious, but after a while she started twitching and emitting a bit of random psychic noise, which was distracting enough that Doc asked Tink to rig up the regular psi-suppressor nearby. That was it as far interruptions from his patient, but there were also three or four occasions where Doc had to drop his bandages and pick up his weapon. Honestly, these interruptions weren't much more interesting than the medical procedures. Most of the time it was a matter of something poking its head around the edge of the hole in the wall, and then scampering away after Doc sprayed a bit of suppression fire in its direction. The only times when it didn't work like that was when a lucky shot took the head off something that might've been a small kroot hound, and when a heavily armored, but armless, servitor plodded through Doc's fire without seeming to notice, looked around for a few seconds while he reloaded, and then walked away again. So yeah, things were pretty dull for Doc, right up until his patient woke up that is.
You know how in stories the beautiful female patient will wake up, meet her doctor's eyes, then smile and say something about how she must be dreaming? That didn't happen. Doc looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps and set aside his scalpel in favor of his carbine, but relaxed when he saw it was only Nubby and company. When he looked back down the scalpel was in his patient's one remaining hand, and it was darting up towards his eye.
>>46600571
Sister Valerie is going to cut a bitch for messing up his face.
POSTING IN AGP THREADagain
>>46600632
Hell hath no fury like a nun with chainscalpels for fingers scorned.
>>46600486
Reading an AGP thread live while watching Black Lagoon. This is what the internet was made for.
>>46600807
The only thing that would make that better is a pint of Guinness and a big badass cheeseburger.
>>46600343
mfw the All Guardsmen Party is going to literally fuck xenos to death.
im that aussie dude from your very first thread.
keep up the good work, bruv
>>46600832
like Mr. Garrison from south park
I must be dreaming. there's no way i caught one live. MY BRAIN CANNOT RATIONALIZE THE FACT I AM IN AN AGP THREAD
>>46600826
I had a couple of awesome BBQ sandwiches and a coke float for dinner already. Plus I'm not a huge fan of food and drinks in my bed.
Glory to Shoggy!
You are doing the Emperor's work, my good man.
>>46600852
You are living the life I dream of.
>>46600415
>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/46575971/
NO.
NO I WASN'T.
THANK YOU.
>>46600848
If you try at all, it's not hard. And catching it live is only any better because you can talk to Shoggy and for the live reactions.
Dammit, I needed sleep Shoggy but now there is an AGP, looks like there won't be sleeping tonight!
>>46600722
How the hell would "Chain Scalpels" even work? The point of a scalpel is a small, delicate but extremely sharp blade for precision work on delicate organs. The whole point of a chainsaw is the rapid removal of material from a relatively large area with multiple, high strength scoop-shaped teeth.
So what would a chain scalpel do? Accurately remove large sections of delicate organs with scoop-shaped ultra-sharp teeth? That sounds...kinda awesome. But really impractical!
...But awesome.
>>46600924
Warhammer 40k.
Alternately, Space Marines Eat People's Brains To Gain Their Memories.
>>46600130
>What had once been a cinder-block sized brick, was now a vaguely phallic-looking object about a meter long,
>>46600924
At the very least, it'd help with cutting off lesions or infected tissue.
At the very most, they'd be useful in amputating.
>>46600571
>a completely-mangled arm was removed and tossed into a corner somewhere
You know, I can't really even blame her for attacking Doc, honestly. They did get her while she was listening to the huge friendship speech, and now her arm is gone too. Who wouldn't be pissed? She was probably a jerkass anyway, like all Eldar, but still.
Also it's not like just because the Guardsmen aren't really buddy-buddy with the Inquisition anymore, they will actually let her go. Just assuming everybody is an enemy was literally her best bet to get out.
She's kinda screwed by this point. Maybe literally.
>>46600959
There's no way they couldn't of known what that looked like. At some point in development someone had to notice. Not that that would've stopped corporate greed and merchandising, mind you. But they had to know.
>>46600986
Something tells me that the daemon will end up possesing the eldar by the end of this tale..
B A S E D
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S S
E A
D E S A B
>>46600571
Luckily, Doc was a combat medic, which meant he typically treated guardsmen, armsmen, and other violence-prone individuals, and when that sort of person is hurt and confused, they tend to lash out. Over the course of his career he'd had his arm broken, been jabbed in the thigh with a fistful of tranq ampules, received small caliber bullets to the chest and helmet, and had been socked in the face at least two dozen times. That sort of experience builds up some serious reflexes, so when the wounded Eldar tried to stab Doc in the eye with his own scalpel, the medic was flinching backwards and raising his arm to block before he'd even registered what was happening.
Of course an unarmored arm can only do so much to stop a blade. The scalpel went right through Doc's forearm (between what he still referred to as "the inside arm-bone" and "the outside arm-bone"), then continued upwards into the meat of his face, and finally lodged his cheekbone. Doc swore and reeled backwards with his arm pinned to his face, but that was still a lot better than getting stabbed in the eye.
The Eldar followed her attack up with a grab for Doc's pulse-carbine, but it was still on its strap and Doc's pinned arm was in the way. Doc swore again as the gun caught on his arm and twisted the scalpel in face, and countered by punching the uncooperative xenos in the nose with his free hand. This was enough to knock her backwards, but she kept her grip on the gun as she fell and Doc swore a third time as he landed face-and-scalpel first on the ground.
At this point the Eldar decided that a change of plan was called for. While Doc struggled to roll over and bring his gun to bear, she staggered to her feet, sighted on the psi-suppressor that had been set up nearby, and sprang towards it. She got to within a meter of it before Nubby and Twitch shot her in the back.
>>46600942
>Space Marines Eat People's Brains To Gain Their Memories.
Not that far fetched back when we thought memories were stored in the brain chemically. That was the working theory until the 21st century.
>>46601005
You never heard about reproposing something? The dildo sells went bad so they had to compensate for their lost somehow.
>>46601051
This is all your fault, Tink. She probably could've sung that damn wraithbone into a weapon capable of ACTUALLY killing the fragging Daemonthrope!
>>46601067
That only further proves my point that they knew.
>>46601051
Nubby and Twitch kept their guns on the prone Eldar as they entered the smaller evidence room. Behind them Fumbles, who'd been unceremoniously dumped on the ground as they grabbed their weapons, complained that his nose felt like it was broken, he told to put his big boy pants on. At the other end of the room Tink asked if they had everything under control, and then, without waiting for an answer, dropped his gun and went back to working on his drone.
The two troopers advanced past Doc, who'd finally gotten back upright, but still had his arm pinned to his face, and stopped a few meters from the Eldar. By unspoken agreement Twitch kept his weapon raised while Nubby moved forwards, hooked a metal toe under the groaning xenos, and flipped her over. The Eldar flopped upright with a hacking cough and a groan, Nubby cheerfully told her it served her right for moving around so much after surgery. He went on to tell her that she was being very uncooperative, but if she promised to apologize, he was sure Doc would patch her up a second time. The Eldar spat blood at him and stated that she would rather die. Nubby and Twitch looked at each other and shrugged.
>"Well, you 'eard da lady."
The Eldar's eyes went wide and she got as far as "Wai-" before Twitch and Nubby fired.
>>46601092She totally could have, and we all knew it. Our DM didn't know whether to laugh or cry
Its my birthday, and this just made it a great one.
>>46601185
There were a couple in the last thread yesterday, too.
>>46601147
Hell, they gave her a chance, that's more than she deserved.
And if she had just been cooperative, this all cpuldnhave ended in a beautiful friendship.
>>46601064
Very far fetched, actually. The process of chewing up, soaking in acid, neutralizing and then absorbing the human brain into the bloodstream would have inevitably changed the chemical composition of the memory-compounds, or whatever the hell the scientists were calling it. Plus, how do you guarantee the "brain chemicals" will go to the brain, and not the spleen, or heart, or liver, or left big toe?
>>46601147
Warhammer 40k in a nutshell, no good deed goes unpunished, and sarcasm gets you killed. Hell, I recall some random quest thread where some guy ended up xeno-bait because he laughed at the other moron who volunteered.
>>46601230
Another xenos to add to their heretical harem.
>>46601147
>The Eldar's eyes went wide and she got as far as "Wai-" before Twitch and Nubby fired.
I lost it.
>>46601147
>The Eldar spat blood at him and stated that she would rather die. Nubby and Twitch looked at each other and shrugged.
>>46601230
She WAS being cooperative. Or at least, open to cooperation.
Tink shot her in the back because he was impatient to get back to fiddling with his drone.
>>46601244
Don't forget that those chemicals are neither stable nor intended to exist outside of an optimal body.
>>46601230
>And if she had just been cooperative, this all cpuldnhave ended in a beautiful friendship.also doc already has a GF
>>46601300
And then the whole face stabbing thing happened.
It's all Tink's fault, I admit, I'm just choosing to blame her.
>>46601230
Was she supposed to be cooperative before or after she got shot?
>>46601147
This odd mix of competence and incompetence is both a blessing and a curse.
At this point I'm not sure what would be funnier, the Eldar living or dying.
>>46601147
Over where he was working Tink let out a surprised curse, and began loudly complaining that there were bits of brain all over Spot's new external battery unit. Nubby just snickered, but Twitch yelled some rude things back at the techie and began loudly complaining about how no one was ever grateful. When Doc told him to calm down, the demolitions trooper rounded on him and asked whether he was going to start whining about shooting his new xenos girlfriend. Doc pulled his arm forwards off the scalpel with a squeching sound, and gingerly poked at the surgical implement stuck halfway into his face. He then let out a pained sigh and pointed out that he already had a girlfriend, and he wasn't inclined to feel too sorry for anyone who stabbed him in the sinuses. Further discussion was called off on account of the deafening sound of two dozen AA guns opening fire above us, and the arrival of the Daemonthrope at the top of the crater.
The Daemonthrope's arrival was accompanied by a painful wave of psychic pressure and a slight breakdown in the fabric of reality. Up at the top of the crater, the walls and ceilings nearest the Daemonthrope sprouted a film of pinkish-green stuff that might've been a cross between flesh and fungus. Down at our level the pureed remains of the Inquisitor's retinue began to bubble and reform into the mutated forms of rippers and gaunts.
It was abruptly and unanimously decided that it was time to abandon the room and retreat to the larger warehouse. Doc stopped poking at his face, and he, Nubby, and Twitch began firing on the forming daemonids in controlled bursts. Tink gathered up his drone and the few tools he still needed, and then sprinted for the exit while the rest of us gave covering fire. Fumbles met him at the edge of the warehouse, helped him unload, and then began assisting the techie by providing tools as needed and without being asked. Tink didn't actually notice him doing this, but he really was quite helpful.
>>46601300
>She WAS being cooperative. Or at least, open to cooperation.
>Eldar
>bilateral cooperation
her dickishness was literally manifested by the wraithbone.
HAHA! Time to crack open a cold one!
>>46600041
Give me your dick, Shoggy. I shall reward you for all you have done for us.
>this chapter will be ending early
There is a mix of happiness and sadness in my heart.
>>46601510
actually, this thread is really a continuation of yesterday.
>>46601399
A few seconds after Tink had exited, the rest of us slowly fell back. As we moved we spared a few glances up towards the Daemonthrope, and were incredibly relieved to discover that it was staying put at the top of the crater. We guessed that it had just moved there to get away from the AA guns we'd heard, and was perfectly happy hovering there and shooting lightning bolts at whoever was pestering it up on the surface. We wished whoever it was luck, finished our retreat to the warehouse, and set up firing positions around the hole between it and the crater.
Once we were in position it was just your typical desperate holdout against ravenous alien invaders. You know, that thing that practically defines life in the guard? I won't say it was a stroll through the park, but it really wasn't that hard, even with the Daemonthrope pressing on our minds and the way the dead daemonids kept reforming. Of course, things became slightly more difficult when Fumbles jogged over and said Tink needed all of our laspistol power packs and at least four pulse-carbine packs.
Over at his new workstation Tink had put the finishing touches on Spot. After the arrival of the Daemonthrope he'd decided that he really didn't need ALL of the mounting brackets he'd been planning to install, and the weird readings from Fio's suppression device could probably just be ignored. All that was really left to do was rig up a way to get enough power to the suppressor while still leaving Spot enough to fly, but there was a shortage of heavy-duty batteries, so he'd had to rig up something a little more creative. Hence the need for the power packs.
After a little bit of whining and arguing, Fumbles returned with the packs (leaving Doc, Nubby, and Twitch with only five remaining between them). Tink slotted them into place, hoped really hard that he'd done the power conversion math correctly, and hit the "On" button on his controller.
>>46601581
couldnt he just swipe a battery unit from one of the containment units just lying around the place.
>>46601534
Yup. Disregard that, I'm just retarded. I read "10 post short" as this part of the chapter will only be about 10 posts.
>>46601637
We're talking about Tink here. Also damn I was hoping for the Eldar to get with Fumbles.
>>46601581
First the lights came on, then the hover unit engaged and the stealth field cycled, and finally there was a flicker of static all along the protruding wraithbone *ahem* prow. Tink held his breath, then let it out in a high-pitched shout of victory as the oppressive force of the Daemonthrope's mind vanished.
Over at the hole the rest of us were little too busy conserving ammo and holding the bloody line to see what had Tink so excited, but we figured it out when Spot shot between us and cut a small swathe through the approaching swarm with its mere presence. We cheered as well as the drone did a short victory lap and pushed forward to watch as it rose up towards the Daemonthrope.
Spot the Wonder Drone flashed upwards, sliced through the crackling green shield surround the Daemonthrope, and slammed into the thing's underbelly. As Spot's psi-suppressor, er, penetrated the creature's hide, it let out a roar of unfathomable pain and fury, its shield vanished, and the daemonid minions around us collapsed into goo. We all cheered again and watched, the inky black tendrils holding the Daemonthrope aloft twisted, flickered, and then… reappeared.
>>46601666
Those trips go well with your HERESY
>>46601581
Pray like you've never prayed before Tink!
>>46601669
Obviously that was the wrong hole.
Remove appendage and aim lower to penetrate once more.
>>46601147
It occurs to me that this Eldar's defiance/stupidity just sent her straight to Slaanesh. I guess its that kind of thinking that got her captured in the first place.
>>46601637Because it was a really bad time for a three-turn penalty, plus a chance that the nearest cell would still be occupied.
Oh and that servitor Doc let get away? Tons of batteries on it.
Oh well, it didn't wind up screwing us over too bad.
>>46601637
That is completely different for reasons that will come to me
>>46601680
As well as all the other Heresy already done by the AGP. Whats a little bit of extra heresy between friends?
>>46601666
You and me both.
Nice. Hot. Femdommy Eldar with shota boy Fumbles.
>>46601666
>666
Well, at least you're honest about it.
>>46601742
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEGo41443iI
>>46601726
I get the feeling that everything from the original Flyrant to this point was at least a little avoidable. Oh well, this makes for a better story.
>>46601669
>We cheered as well as the drone did a short victory lap and pushed forward to watch as it rose up towards the Daemonthrope.
>>46601669
We stood there, waiting to see what would happen next, and then flinched when the Daemonthrope let out a roar and fired a bolt of green lightning at someone on the surface. Nubby swore, Twitch groaned, Fumbles started whimpering, and Tink asked if anyone could see what was happening to Spot. Doc remained calm though. The medic looked at the rest of us, and then in a stuffy voice (because he STILL had that damned scalpel in his face) said:
>So… unless someone has a better plan, I say we shoot it until we're out of ammo, and then run away if that doesn't work.
None of us did, of course, so we all gathered together, opened fire, and hoped like hell that the Daemonthrope didn't have much juice left in it. As we fired, we couldn't help but notice that only one person up on the surface was firing with us, and they weren't using a pulse weapon...
>>46601861
10/10
>>46601756
I'm envisoning something along the lines of...
"You're quite a funny little Mon'keigh. How about I show youhow well I am at shaping Wraithbone.Oh my what a bigShining Spear you havegiggle"
>>46601907
No.....
>>46601907
Probably not the LamenterI HOPE IT'S THE LAMENTER
>>46601756
I doubt this is the end of it. One way or another there will be Eldar. Somehow.
>>46601907
Oh god no, Sarge and Aimy...
>>46601961
The Lamenter being the only one standing would be the funniest outcome.
>>46601907
What the hell happened to the three space marines?
>>46601907
Up on the surface, Sarge pulled the pin on the astartes-sized krak grenade he's "borrowed" and hoped like hell this was going to end better than the last time someone had tried it...
>>46601907
>until it goes Click.
>>46601988
Are probably holding fire or firing their laspistols/lasrifles they got somewhere because they don't want to be seen obviously firing Tau weapons in the presence of FUCKING SPACE MARINES.
>>46602010
Officially the shortest Shoggy Storytime post in existence. Literally one sentence.
>>46601988
Hey for all we know their still alive and its just that they have no ammo left..or maybe they were just not firing at it because they were reloading.....maybe........
>>46601925
Just a reminder that the Eldar in question is being raped by Slaanesh right now.Probably with the exact same setup.
>>46602012
>>46602010
And sadly that's where things stop tonight, because the next part ain't done.
Sorry.
I'll be posting next Sunday with the adventures of Aimy and Sarge and all the repercussions of our daemonthrope adventures.
I'm going back to writing now, but I'll keep an eye on this thread if anyone wants to talk.
mfw reading this
>>46602094
Thank you Based Shoggy
Thanks Shoggy!
>>46602069
Unless she had her soulstone on hand. Maybe recovered it in the carnage before looking for a weapon.
... Someone should probably check Nubby's pockets.
>>46602094
Keep fighting the good fight Shoggy, always fun to read about your group.
Grats on the website too, not just don't let the domain get sniped.
>>46602094
>I'm going back to writing now, but I'll keep an eye on this thread if anyone wants to talk.
Is this campaign still alive? If so, how many adventures have taken place after this one? Basically, how far behind are we here?
>>46602094
Fucking love this story.
>>46602193
Suptg archive is up.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=All%20Guardsmen%20Party
>>46602183
Pretty far.
>>46602094
Hey man I just want to thank you for your dope story times. The AGP got me and by proxy my friends into 40krpgs and is always a great read. Keep up the amazing work
>>46602094
>And sadly that's where things stop tonight, because the next part ain't done.
sheeit, that's a hell of a cliff-hanger to put our blue-balls on
but thanks for based AGP-story time, literally just made my day.
>>46602094
Was the killing of the Eldar intentional roleplay, or was it simply a string of accidents that piled up to the point where you had to kill her for roleplay?
Meaning, a GM gave you an Eldar with Wraithbone against a Daemonhost. Did you at least squander it intentionally?
>>46602162
Fun fact, we were all so behind on our Eldar lore that we initially thought she was trying to craft a soulstone out of the wraithbone. We almost acted on that before someone raised the question of why, if that was the case, they were so fucking rare then.
We have no fucking idea what we're doing.
>>46602183
The campaign has been over for about half a year now, I'm just that slow. There's a whole second part to what I'd call this chapter, then there's another chapter, then there's the epilogue. I'm really, really hoping that I can get more writing done once I'm done with house stuff, because I want to finish the series before summer.
>>46602242
Hearing that these stories get people into playing is just about the highest praise there is, thanks man.
>>46602094
I will wait patiently.
>>46602305
Well, then count my praise in that as well. Looking to start a DH campaign using some of the inspiration from yours!
House stuff?
>>46602305
Is the campaign completely over or just on hiatus for awhile, because I'd hate to see this series end.
>>46602305
>Hearing that these stories get people into playing is just about the highest praise there is, thanks man.
Count me in. I'm a fresh-faced GM hoping to shock my friends into playing OW with me using the fleshbag method.
>>46602305
You ought to self-publish this once it's done. Even if you don't get a commercial book deal, throwing it on Amazon as an ebook would certainly have my cash.
>>46602094
Thank you O' glorious God-King Shoggy!
>>46602305
>then there's the epilogue.
>AGP will end in your life time
>tfw a good story goes on for a while and you want it to go on forever
all good things must come to an end
>>46602305
>The campaign has been over for about half a year now, I'm just that slow. There's a whole second part to what I'd call this chapter, then there's another chapter, then there's the epilogue. I'm really, really hoping that I can get more writing done once I'm done with house stuff, because I want to finish the series before summer.
So, we finish this chapter, get two more, then the epilogue? Sounds good. Hopefully it ends well for all involved (I'm still holding out hope for TinkxHannah).
>>46602557
All stories must end. The best we can hope for is a good one. I'm sure the AGP will deliver.
>>46602305
Actually your first chapter of the doing Only War opener and then being surprised with a DH campaign inspired me to do the same with these kids I tutor that I began to DM for (they are all completely new to rpgs and don't even know what warhammer is). This upcoming session will be the big reveal that their low fantasy adventure takes place in a much much greater setting as they are told of an orbital bombardment that obliterates an army of mutants that is rushing toward their walled city on their feudal world.
'Ere we go
>>46600063
>In other news, I bought a domain
Woo!
>>46602305
I've never really done tabletop outside of MTG, but reading this makes me want to give it a solid go.
>>46602581
Your count is off I think.
3 more threads; one more chapter after this one finishes and then the epilogue.
>>46602630
Well, assuming the next chapter is only one thread.
>>46602245
Glad you're having a good day, sorry about the tease. It was this or just wait until everything is done, which might've wound up taking another month with the panic-motivation.
>>46602367
Trying to buy pic related, getting a mortgage is very stressful.
>>46602369
Over, but the end is a fitting one.
We may wind up playing a succession game someday though, possibly this summer, which is why I'd like to finish these before then.
>>46602428
Good luck with that, it was rough on us.
>>46602431
I'll look into that come the end, but for now any effort I divert into that stuff takes away from writing chapters.
>>46602581
Not counting next weekend, i'd estimate there's at least three 60-post threads left, plus the epilogue. One to finish this chapter, two to do the next (unless I can pull them together). Bear in mind these numbers are probably COMPLETELY inaccurate.
>>46602603
I'd love to hear how that turns out man.
>>46602608
Do eeet. It's loads of fun if you can find a good group.
>>46602679
>We may wind up playing a succession game someday though, possibly this summer
I cannot even begin to describe how much I am hoping this happens.
>>46602305
I'll admit, it feels like a crying shame to be reminded that this will eventually be coming to a close, but props to you for captivating us for two whole years with the episodic tale of a group of guardsmen just doing their job and trying their damn best to not die in the process.
>>46602094
>And sadly that's where things stop tonight, because the next part ain't done
>>46602679
Hell of a view, I'm jealous! Good luck buying it.
If you're not playing the AGP, what're you playing now? You've done some D&D and Shadowrun if memory serves, I'd love to hear more about your legendary gaming group.
>>46602603
This sounds great.
Please come back with stories.
As a DM, it fucking hurt to watch you kill the Eldar. I could just tell that she had a name, story, plan, and personality picked out, all so your heretical retinue could have a Tau, some non-priestly Techies, an Eldar, various survivors, and a semi-sweet ending where the AGP ends with Sarge as an actual Inquisitor, with all the surviving 'help' from Oak under his command, going around and sorting shit out in Guardsmen fashion.
And you shoot her in the first conversation.
That poor DM.
>>46602679
>We may wind up playing a succession game someday though, possibly this summer
>>46602679
Good luck with your house!
>>46602779
Seconded. Anon require more Shoggy's Storytime.
>missed this
>>46602297
The exact Eldar situation was... complex. The initial betrayal was because of time-pressure, combined with Tink getting a really good roll on his tech stuff, combined with Sarge's player saying it would be hilarious if we just gave up on diplomacy half way though and shot her.
Her attack on Doc was a direct result of that of course.
The end of it was pretty much:
DM: she spits at you and says she'd rather die than do that.
>Nubby: Okay, sounds good. Do I have to roll or is it an auto-kill?
DM: You're really just going to shoot her?
>Nubby: Well she asked me too, not my fault if she wasn't being serious
DM: Really? Are any of you going to stop him?
>Twitch: I am totally for killing her before she betrays us or turns out to be an Ork.
>Doc: She stabbed me in the face.
>Tink: Please tell me her last words are "WAIT I CHANGED MY MIND"
DM: I really don't know what I expected...
>>46602779
Gunnison is a sweet as place to live, especially compared to fucking phoenix. I'm really hoping it all works out.
As for what we've been playing, we actually haven't been. Everyone is busy, and it takes a lot of effort to play together in person when you live in separate states.
>>46602829
Just remember that doing that to NPCs is minor compared to the fact that we've skipped two entire dungeons. He made us go watch a movie while he reworked the entire plot on those occasions, with the Eldar he just sighed in a judgmental way.
>>46603061
>t we've skipped two entire dungeons
When
>>46603061
Welcome to Colorado, enjoy your stay and avoid I-70 when it snows.
>>46602829
>As a DM, it fucking hurt to watch you kill the Eldar. I could just tell that she had a name, story, plan, and personality picked out,
as someone who hasneverplayed WH40k, i completely disagree.
>naked Eldar
>willing to cooperate
>just happens to fashion a weapon of use against the Daemonthrope
if something is too good to be true, it probably is. they dodged a speeding bullet.
>>46602679
>>46602803
Maybe If I have time this week I can type out recaps of the whole campaign that way I can add in what will happen on Saturday after the session.
Coming soon, the Adventures of the Naive & New, starring 5 highschoolers new to tabletop, and one Fa/tg/uy that tries way to hard to cram random academic and life lessons into a game.
>>46603099
My guess is one at least involving the Necron ship and the rogue trader
>>46603061
>Twitch: I am totally for killing her before she betrays us or turns out to be an Ork.
>>46603061
Two? There was the Slaanesh cult bunker on the second mission with the Ruptert, I must have missed the second.
Also, I feel your pain Shoggy. I took a break from unpacking and getting settled into the new house to read last night's and this evenings story times. That feeling having your own place though, very worth it.
>>46603099
Slaneshi temple in the heretic purging one, where we just said NOPE, nuke it from orbit.
Space station in xenotech, where we decided to steal an eldar shuttle instead.
>>46603280
I'm gonna guess and say its the space station that forced the movie watching.
>>46603280
>Xeno tech Heresy station of death
You chose wisely on that mission.
>>46603280
I hope it was a good movie, at least!
>>46600041
HOLY COCKSUCKING SLANNNESH WHORE SHIT! I FOUND ONE!
>>46603280
I don't think anybody could really blame you for the space station. Your characters basically had no reason to go there at all. The lead was shoddy, the station was dangerous, the tech-priests were trigger-happy, and there were two whole other teams on the station snooping around.
The Eldar spaceship was honestly worth more than the entirety of the station at that point.
>>46603475
It's half-dead, and the first 90% are in the archive. This is the ending of the first half of the chapter.
>>46603061
Been through Gunnison and skied Crested Butte a few times. I'd move in a heartbeat if I could find a job out there.
>>46603505
Still got one, don't care otherwise.
>>46603280
>Slaneshi temple in the heretic purging one
honestly what did your GM expect?
>>46602679
I've never wanted to live anywhere but the coast, but that 500x312 picture is making seriously consider adding "Colorado" to the list.
This entire situation looks like even more of a one way trip to fucktown than any previous AGP story. Although trips to fucktown seem to be SOP at this point.
>>46601306
>>46601244
>>46601064
>>46600942
And let's not forget that it doesn't even have to be the brain. Any flesh will do although typically the heart is what gives you the most memories (for whatever reason.)
>>46602129
...Oh please tell me they aren't writing a letter to the emperor.
>hah I know that reference
So do we have an update from the All Techpriest Party or the All Sisters one?
>>46600130
If shit is hitting the fan often enough that you're forced to coin shit-fanning as a verb, something is horribly wrong. Given that the AGP's methods Couldn't Possibly Backfire In Any Way, I blame Tzeentch.
>>46600899
That, and reading it slightly sooner.
>>46601244
>how do you guarantee the "brain chemicals" will go to the brain
Probably with a pre-stomach chamber filtering them out, because Space Marines.
>>46602581
I'm continually amused at the amount of shipping in these threads.
>>46602603
>>46603157
Oh hey, glad to see you're still reading and enjoying this.
If you decide to storytime on here, will you just make a thread? I'd like to know what to keep an eye out for.
>>46602608
Go for it. /tg/ usually has a dedicated gamefinder thread, the LGS you play Magic at may have an RPG night, roll20 has some decent folks... You may get some shitheads at first, but if you can find a good group or two to stick with there'll be fun times.
Just don't try to have more than three weekly games at once, especially if you're the GM in any of them. That way lies madness, and not the fun kind.
>>46602630
>3 more threads; one more chapter after this one finishes and then the epilogue
>implying none of those will need to be split up
>>46603990
Pretty sure that's FFG, and that, at least at some point, GW's fluff required it to be brains.
>>46604273
Haven't heard from the Sororitas, but the cogbros are going slow. Unlike Shoggy's group we play weekly for relatively short 5ish hour sessions, and I don't put in nearly the effort his GM obviously does, but I try. We've been playing for months and are about halfway through navigation to the site of the thing they've been sent to repair as their third assignment - as far as the timeline goes we're still in between Xenotech Heresy and Tyranid Acquisition.
As our writefag mentioned last thread, this week's session took them four hours of realtime play to walk twenty meters, open a door, and walk through.
>>46603061
>The exact Eldar situation was... complex. The initial betrayal was because of time-pressure, combined with Tink getting a really good roll on his tech stuff, combined with Sarge's player saying it would be hilarious if we just gave up on diplomacy half way though and shot her.
All GMs know that feel. It's probably better this way, though. You wouldn't get stories like this without player agency like this.
Thanks for the storytime so far, Shoggy.
>>46604273
The All Sisters party is currently on a jaunt through time and space to track down a daemon's true name so they can banish it for good. Along the way they've picked up:
* An Inquisitor of the Ordo Chronos. Now their boss
* A (stolen) Ordo Chronos ship
* An Alpha Level Psyker
* The Alpha Level Psyker's retainer and Living Saint
* A personal thank you from some Harlequins for returning a Soulstone
* An octo-armed Cog-girl
* A severe distrust of their Hospitaller's cooking. And of her sanity.
>>46605122
Cool beans. Any chance you'll storytime how they got there? I know it can be tedious and time-consuming.
>>46605163
It'd be easier if I skip the beginning bits to where they pick up the Ordo Chronos ship. I know at least one of my players tried writing a session or two up before, but I'll just start a quick run down.
I'll start off with introducing the quartet of Sister PCs:
>Sister Tillyan - Hails from the Space-based Order of the Guiding Star. Resident Techie and probably not a Heretek. Favors her bolt weapons, appropriately named Incandescant Objection and Effective Counter Argument.
>Sister Lucy - Former Noble-Born who's probably the most pious of the group. Favors melee combat with her Chainsword.
>Sister Ariana - Weapon-hoarder and resident expert in the ways of being sneaky in power armor. Has so many different guns it's better to say she's got something for every occasion
>Sister Scythia - Partially-insane Hospitaller who also has a sadistic streak. Not a fan of combat at all, except in patching up the injured. Great at interrogations though.
And then there's the important NPCs, good and bad:
>Sister Sephata - Minor Living Saint of Bullshit Dice Rolls. Ascended from nameless NPC status by soloing a contingent of guardsmen during a training exercise and continuing to roll consistently low. Falcon Punched a Dark Eldar to death and only Sister trusted with one of Corax's rosettes. Also happens to be a Seraphim.
>Inquisitor Corax - Ordo Chronos Inquisitor. More on him soon.
>Ignitrix - Those of you that have read Khornette Quest might recognize her. In short, she's the BBEG Lady of Change that's responsible for causing the fall of countless Hive World and the increasing size of the Pandaemonium in the Askellon sector. Tillyan has a personal grudge against her.
>>46605333
Can I get a link to your party's' shenanigans? (Provided they exist. If not, then no hard feelings)
>>46605333
So to jump straight to the important bits, all you need to know is that the party was responding to an SOS. The Decision Undetected, a known smuggler vessel, was squawking that it'd become disabled after encountering a Space Hulk known as the Andromeda of Nightmare. The Sisters assumed the worst, especially when they arrived to find the Decision Undetected partially fused with an asteroid.
Upon boarding, they quickly found out that the smuggler vessel had more than lived up to its purpose. Aboard were countless xenos and heretical items, but perhaps the most important (and deadly) were the Rak'gol. After clearing the main deck of terrifying abominations, they discovered a tear in time between decks. Going up meant going forward in time, and going down meant going backwards. A quick pow-wow saw them briefly going below to compare notes with the then-alive Engiseer before heading up to the bridge. They didn't learn much from the cog-boy, only that there was an AI loose onboard. Naturally, Tillyan was not thrilled with this and set out to cleanse the vessel.
In the process of combing through every cogitator on the ship, the party came across a necklace with a rather large stone on it and a set of Banshee armor hidden in the First Mate's private stash. While discussing whether to destroy both on principle, Lucy picked up the necklace.
Surprise Surprise, it was an occupied Soulstone. I supposed I should take this moment to say that Scythia is also a blank, albeit a relatively-weak one. So the necklace being in close proximity to her made for a rather pissed-off Banshee.
>>46605474
Long story short - the Banshee had a relatively-sane (for a xenos) conversation with Lucy that ended in Lucy actually arguing to keep the Eldar "alive" and away from "that thing (Scythia)." The other Sisters weren't all too thrilled with this, but they were soon-after distracted by all the shinies contained within the ship's armory. Needless to say, quite a bit of corruption got handed out here to everyone.
Anyways, once they'd finished looting everything, the Sisters made a startling discovery. Somehow the ship they were on was still connected to the Space Hulk. At first, everyone involved was keen on marking the vessel with a beacon so that more qualified and trained people could come and sort it out. But things went south when the aforementioned AI slipped aboard the Sister's shuttle. They had no choice but to scuttle it and remain aboard the Decision Undetected. With nowhere else to go, they made the rash decision to try and enter the Space Hulk through the spatial rift they'd found.
One stomach turning walk later, the group was aboard the Hulk. As they were getting their bearings, the portal closed behind them. Even more stranded than before, morale reached an all time low. Especially since the Banshee-necklace decided that right then was a good time to warn the group this might happen.
A relatively grueling slog through the Space Hulk followed. Again the Sisters encountered Rak'gol along with many other lovely horrors. After slaying everything in their path, Tillyan made a startling discovery when interfacing with a data shrine. The Hulk was gathering power for a jump into the Warp.
>>46605604
Needless to say, an unprotected jaunt into the Warp is not something you want to experience. By this point, the Sisters were growing weary from all their battles. Making matters worse, the strange sound of horse hooves on metal seemed to follow them no matter where they went. In a fit of brilliance, Ariana decided to sneak off and try and "catch" the horse-thing. To her surprise it ended up being quite easy. What she didn't expect, however, was that the horse was actually a mutant centaur.
Now normally standard Sister operating procedure is to burn the mutant and ask questions later. But after the earlier corruption party and current pressing problem of the Warp jump they were more than willing to hear the mutant out. It turned out that the mutant was the last surviving member of an expedition party that had attempted to loot the Hulk many years ago. What mattered most, though, was that she had a working gellar field. A small one that flickered on occasion, but something nonetheless. So the Sisters opted to share cramped quarters with a mutant, a blank, and a talkative soulstone to weather out the impending Warp jump. Needless to say, that was a fun six hours.
When the Hulk finally left the Warp, everyone involved was glad to be free of one another's company. Or they would have been, had a group of Orks and Rak'gol not forced them all to remain as one fighting unit. After the xenos had been taken care of, the party followed Tillyan's guidance towards what she described as "a massive power source at the heart of the beast."
I'd be interested in contributing to the "All _____ Party" experiment going on here.
What would be good. All Psyker? All Commissar?
...all Twitch?
>>46605716
Again, anyone familiar with Khornette Quest might recognize this scenario. It turned out that the power source was actually a vessel from the Dark Age of Technology hooked up to the Hulk via various means. Naturally, the group decided that they should claim the ship by any means necessary. So they headed for one such umbilical and tried to gain entry.
In the process of trying to interface with the ship, Tillyan "accidentally" awoke Inquisitor Corax from cold storage. For a guy that'd been out for centuries he was surprisingly pleasant. He was more than willing to let the rag-tag group of five sisters, a banshee soulstone, and a mutant aboard. All they had to do was identify all the heretical items that they might be carrying such that the ship's security didn't melt them on sight. Naturally, this made for a fun twenty minute conversation given their earlier looting habits.
Once aboard, they were shepherded to the bridge to meet Inquisitor Corax in person. He seemed like a pretty stand up guy for an Inquisitor. His only concern was getting his ship free of the Hulk. To this end he'd awoken the ship's Magos. Her eight mechadendrites were already fast at work waking the vessel up from its slumber and severing all connections to the Hulk. One very impressive blast from the main lances later, the DAoT ship was free. It then turned on the Hulk and atomized it. Once that was done, Corax turned to the gathered party and welcomed them all to the Ordo Chronos, like it or not.
From that point on, they warped time and space to track down parts of Ignitrix's true name. But that's a story for another time. I feel like that's enough of an update for now.
>>46605409
There's also pic-related
>>46605723
I already tried an All Dark Eldar party too. It worked for awhile, but ultimately collapsed after running them through a couple Deathraces.
>>46605723
All Traitor party
Also known as Alpha legion on steroids.
>>46605333
Oh, awesome. I just meant 'any chance of posting at some point in the nebulous future' and you started writing. Thanks bruvva.
I remember Sephata, Ariana, and Lucy. Looking forward to reading this in the morn-
>Iggy
OH SHIT SON
I really do need to sleep though. Thanks for posting; I'll enjoy it in the morning.
>>46605723
The Republican Commandos came dangerously close to being an All-Librarian Killteam. Now it has no Librarian at all.
It depends on which system you're using. Some of the cogbros and I had a giggle about how an All Scum Party's story might go, and I'd pay good blood and skulls to read about an All Heretek Party.
Woo! I was starting to worry you had been hit by a bus, Shoggy!
>>46601147
Coen would heartily approve
>>46604266
No, they wrote one for Abaddon.courtesy of 8/v/
A bit late to the party, but still, awesome to see!
>>46605723
>All Commissar?
BLAM, BLAM everywhere
>>46607458
As a Ukrainian descended from cassocks, this pleases me greatly.
I'm not too late!
This brings great joy to my day.
Based Shoggy, I can only thank you for bringing your tales to us.
I wonder if this clusterfuck is part of Oak's master plan
>step 1: send out your most resourceful and reliable team to catch a notoriously unpredictable and powerful beast
>step 2: send them in woefully under-equipped and thus force them to inevitably improvise
>step 3: send them in the biggest rust bucket daemonbait ship you have
>step 4: target them at the inquisitor that's leading the investigation against you
>step 5: sit back and watch the fireworks
At worst, captain dumbass ignores the notoriously undiplomatic interrogator, instigates a clusterfuck and gets discredited, buying Oak more time to move
At best, it causes a meltdown in the main base where the evidence gathering is taking place m, letting him get off Scott free
>This will end soon
Fuck
>>46605333
>Iggy is the BBEG
>Literally fighting Tzeench herself
Well, they're all fucked harder than any of us could possibly comprehend, but it'll probably be fun to see how it all goes down.
>>46609953
Well, not exactly soon. More like Soon™
>>46609953
>>mfw it feels like yesterday when I first posted that the TPK laden intro didn't seem like fun at all, then got blissfully proven wrong
>>46613034
Lol I saw that shit in the Archive, I almost left because I thought the whole story was gonna be like that.
So glad I stayed.
AGP finishing up right when I get out of service myself. Thanks based Shoggy. Always grateful.
