DM: You are surrounded by beggars all asking for copper and silver pieces.
Bard: I get all the beggars attention and tell them that we are heroes on a mission to save the world! We need every single coin to help fund our mission so they need to give us everything they have.
Rolls a bluff check landing a 31
DM: ... They look at you in confusion.
Bard: Wait, do they give me anything?
DM: Their fucking Beggars, they having nothing but a few copper pieces
Bard: I mean why cant they give me those?
'
DM facepalms.
>>43460617
What a presumptuous shithead.
If he wanted donations he should have asked in the form of a heart-rending melody.
DM: you are directed to the captain of the town guard, he looks very busy, he got a large scar on hi-
Cleric: i say hello
DM: the dwarf looks up from a messy desk full of papers an-
Warlock: i ask what they know about [quest]
DM: corpses have been disappearing from the cementary on a regular basis, one each month like clockwork, it started a month after the old undertaker disappeared, peo-
Warlock: i ask about the reward
DM: we're severely undermanned and policing living people goes over chasing dead people, so i guess if you would take care of this for me i could give you 50 gold if-
Warlock: We'll do it for 80 *rolls persuasion 18 while saying this*
DM: ugh, fine, i guess it's worth it, but i want proof and if you want 80 i would also like the culprit alive, if possible
-the party goes and takes care of the quest, instead of bringing in the monster alive (which had surrendered) or any proof of it's crimes ("hey it's a monster, of course it was him") they simply bring the decapitated monster in on a wheelbarrow, during the middle of the day-
Warlock: here, the monster, now where is the reward
DM: oh? didn't you bring any proof, also, while i understand that it's a monster did you have to kill it?
Warlock: i roll to bluff *21*
DM: well i guess what matters is that the grave robbings are going to stop, you've ear-
Warlock: i cast suggestion, suggesting that he gives us twice the quest reward, he must make a wisdom save or give us 160 gold
DM: you know you're messing with a retired borderline legendary fighter right? do you still want t-
Warlock: what the fuck, DM? you didn't give any indication of that before this. i still want to do it, though.
DM: *sigh* he makes his save.
DM: the dwarf throws a bag of 80 gold at you and tells you to fuck off.
>>43460617
He's right: they should give up the few coppers they have. Also, that's hilarious and he should get a reputation for outbegging beggars.
>>43461297
Not necessarily. Those few coppers are their lifeline, and while a 31 bluff is impressive, and might get a coin or two from them, they're not gonna put their own lives at risk. It's like bringing someone up to Helpful on the NPC attitude chart. Now, if he made a DC 40 Diplomacy check, bringing them to fanatic, then sure, they'd give up everything they had and he'd be able to start a cult.
>Party is at local adventurer's tavern
>Lots of parties hired by the military in town that day
>Cleric and Fighter end up wandering into the back room
>One of the adventurer teams is currently busy brewing something in a big cauldron
>Fighter asks what they're brewing
>They're mixing beer with a bunch of miscellaneous things they found on their travels
>Cleric adds vampire dust as the party's contribution
>Drink ends up being served to everyone at the tavern for free. It's a busy night
>Pretty much everyone drinks it down except the Paladin
>Entire tavern stuffed with adventurers flips the fuck out
>Cleric thinks he's god
>Fighter and various others build massive fort from chairs and tables. Begin to fight imaginary war using broomsticks despite having actual weaponry
>One of the Druids takes to the streets with a whole bunch of fellow musicians. Wants the whole city to experience their fun
>Halfling bard terrorizes 'Fort Awesome'. Fighter and co. powerless against her might
>Everyone pretty much blacks out
>Wake up morning after in prison cell
>Prison is nothing but adventurers today
>Paladin is standing by the party's cell. Disappointed. Had to call in a favor from his dad to set his friends free
>Don't put random monster things in alcohol, kids
Never mess with the beggars.
>>43460992
>the dwarf throws a bag of 80 gold at you and tells you to fuck off
This pleases me.
>>43461422
I still think it should be arbitrary decided by GM from case to case.
I mean, if you'll let it slide - you can persuade people into killing themselves with high rolls.
>>43461714
You should be able to do that, although it should be multiple rolls over a long period of time. Cults be crazy yo.
DM: The lord of the manor asks you to find his lost daughter.
Barbarian: What kind of reward we talking about here?
DM: He offers you 20 gold to bring her back unharmed.
Barbarian: Need more than that. Make it 50.
DM: Roll your persuasion
Barbarian: *12*
DM: He says 20 gold flat. It is more than enough for the task being asked. Take it or else he will find someone else.
Barbaian: I agree and leave his room. Before I leave the manor are there any baskets or other vessels I see on my way out while out of sight of the lord?
DM: Uh. Yeah. There is a wicker basket by the front door used as place for people to put umbrellas when it is raining.
Barbarian: I take a shit in the basket.
DM: Give me a stealth check and constitution check to see if you can quickly pass out a silent barbarian shit before anybody notices you. I'll say 10 for con check to beat, 15 for stealth.
Barb: *23 con.* *12 stealth*
DM: You mount the basket and drop a mighty duece! Unfortunately you crack off an accompanying fart that is loud enough to mistaken for thunderclap indoor.
Barb: I blame it on the sorcerer and beat feet before the lord shows up.
Since that day, every time my group finds a wicker basket almost always has shit inside of it.
>>43461422
If they're truly impressed, they arm themselves with clubs and bricks and pledge themselves to the Bard's service. Gain +1 mob of level-0 commoners.
Interesting fact; this is almost literally how The People's Crusade in 1095 started.
>>43461639
I now want to run a "Hangover" style adventure.
>>43463653
I'd play the shit out of that.
>letting a player cut you off repeatedly
>being a meek beta about it
God damnit grow a spine.
>>43463653
Where is my mount, dude?
