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>be a necron fighting the tyranid menace
>me the other warriors have been holding this objective, shooting off waves of nids
>we are among the last remaing squads and are left to 3 guys
>the action on this side has died down to nill
>see a flyrant on the other side of the battle
>they are JUST in range of us to shoot
>calculate odds are painfully low, but hey why not
>my servos when we hit and wound it
>msw we drop it
>and it kills it self from the fall
>suddenly a giant hand comes down on us and smashes all three of us

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>>46557711
How's this OP?

>>46558227
THIS
IS

BRILLIANT

>>46559085
>Chapter master woody! We have discovered this heretical spy in our midst, what shall we do with this scum?
>I am not a spy you star wars wannabes!
>SILENCE HERETIC!
>*sigh* guys, we talked about this. This isn't a heretic. He's Mr. Potato head. He's a TOY, the same as you guys!
>LIES! You mean that he isn't a heretic? and the green giant monster isn't a tyrannid either?
>*rex bound and gagged with twist ties and a jump rope*
>OH COME ON GUYS! I just explained this to you!
>We apologize chapter master woody. We assumed he was a foul xeno because of the threatening gestures he was making towards us.
>He was trying to be polite and invite you idiots to a game of checkers.
>We... we have shamed you chapter master. Please, we beg of you, punish us as you see fit.
>I AM NOT PUNISHING ANYONE YOU PACK OF DEGENERATES!
>Of course... We must go upon a penitent crusade, my brothers! WE MARCH FOR
>OH JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU EMO IDIOTS

Sorry, my hands slipped.

>>46559271
Its okay writeFRIEND.

i want to kiss you

>>46559321
I love you too random person, I love you too

>Alright, the rest of the guys were telling me you retarded bunch of metal were fighting amongst yourselves again. So what is it this time?
>We were performing training manoeuvres in preperation for our upcoming battle. We were trying to perform in this simulation, however we find it to be... enjoyable. Brother maynard did not wish to, what is the word... Share? I believe?
>Guys, this isn't a training simulation or anything. We call this a video game. It's for fun!
>This is a game?
>YES! it's a game. It's one where you're a soldier and you try to kill as many people as you can. It's called "Call of Duty"
>But, if it is a "game" as you call it, where you pretend to attack another group of people, then how does this make it different from a training simulation?
>*open mouthed and shocked*.....
>Chapter master Woody, you are a strange person.
>*sigh* just... try not to hurt each other okay? Just, don't fight amongst yourselves and PLEASE, remember to share?
>"Share?" What is that again?
>AAAARGH!

>>46557711
>Being a Windrider isn't very comforting
>Having far better odds of survival than your footslogging kin isn't an awesome promotion

+1 toughness, 3+ armor, Jink, Jump-shoot-jump, a twin-linked gun, and the ability to move super fast.

Honestly, the better question is why the Eldar don't give all their guardians Jetbikes.

>>46559390
>Chapter master woody!
>What is it guys?
>We have come to you to protest your tolerance of this foul tau!
>Tau? what's a tau?
>By the god-emperor! you do not know of the tau? They are a filthy xeno, using their foul tech-sorcery to enslave people and bend them to their horrible ways. They must be PURGED!
>Waitwaitwait! No! Bad space marines! We do not purge, remember?
>*entire squad* Yes chapter master woody
>Right. So what do we do instead?
>*entire squad* We try to be nice and talk to them about why they are upsetting us.
>Aaaand? Anyone? Lieutenant Flavian?
>*SIGH* If we are nice to others, they will be nice to us as well, even if they are different to us.
>Exactly. Now, who is it that's causing you to be upset?
>*points* That is the one. He calls himself Optimus prime, though we do not understand why he calls himself such. Mayhap it is some foul trick of the tau to decieve us!
>He's not a tau fellas. He's a toy, just the same as you are. Now get out of here and go... do whatever it is you do.
>*Entire squad* BY YOUR WILL CHAPTER MASTER!
>Good god, where's buzz when I need him...

>>46559625
I imagine a Space Marine seeing Buzz for the first time thinking of him as a dreadnought or Primarch

>>46560301
>a dreadnought or Primarch
Which is armed with a Lasgun...

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>>46560301

Buzz is clearly a Thunder-Warrior wearing a Archotek Jump-Pack

Also the Astartes keep naming the Army-Men "Guardsmen"

>>46559390
>>46559321
Can we watch you two fug? :3

Someone screen capture these, pls. I would but mobile.

>be lowly grot caught in a battle with space muhreenz, gaurding something shiny for da boss while he bashes heads.
>nervous AF, because I'm a fucking grot, but at least I have 19 others with me, not including our bossy herders.
>outta nowhere 5 terminators tellyport in, and unload into us with stormbolters and assault cannon.
>7 fellow grots and both herders dead.
>shitting my pants at this point, but we dont run.
>a helpful shot from somewhere on the battlefield takes out a termie, but we still seem pretty screwed.
>eyes closed, prayin to gork, we unload into the termies, knowing full well our puny gunz wont do anything to those walking tanks.
>run out of ammo, open eyes.
>all four remaining termies dead.
>A voice from the heavens says "you lucky bastards."

>>46560859
>Hey buzz, have you seen - SWEET MOTHER OF HASBRO!
>Woody, I'm going to be honest with you. I honestly have no idea what they are doing, but I could get used to this.
>Greetings Chapter master woody! Tis a glorious day!
>Um, hi guys. So, why are you carrying around buzz and painting yourselves to look like him? Not that it's great choice or anything, but c'mon guys, this is Buzz we're talking about.
>ARE YOU BLIND? Truly, you are a very foolish or very naive chapter master. Before you is one of the lost primarchs! Soon he shall lead us into battle against the vile forces of Slaanesh!
>*Woody and Buzz* What?
>Indeed. We have traveled through the warp into a den of vileness and evil. T'was pinkish in color everywhere and many were the frills that inhabited this place. We knew immediately that exterminatus must be declared upon it. However, we were lacking in firepower and were returning to our homeword of An'dey. However, when we returned, we found our new primarch waiting for us!
>Buzz do you follow any of this?
>Not really, but I think they just went around the corner into suzie's room. I was just on my way to meet the fellas for a game of madlibs when these guys jumped me.

part 1/2

>>46561281
>Okay guys, c'mon, lets just - HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE POINTING THAT!
>You would try to seperate us from our primarch? HERESY! None shall keep us from our beloved primarch!
>Look, guys, it wasn't slanny -
>Slaanesh
>- that you saw, it was a room for Andy's sister.
>Sister? You mean, a sister of battle?
>Uhhh, y-yeah. Lets go with that. It's a place for sister's of battle.
>Hm, how did you come by this information?
>*Whispering* Buzz, help me out here.
>We, uh, recieved it from another, um, chapter. It's an obscure sisterhood and, uh, very secretive. Very, very secretive. They're in the middle of training at the moment for a very serious battle, to disrupt them now would endanger the entire galaxy.
>Yeah, so, no attacking their room okay?
>Hmm, what you say makes sense chapter master. We shall follow your orders. Come brothers! we must prepare a place for our chapter master!

Part 2/2

>>46561281
>>46561293
Praise the Emperor and his blessed scribe

I love you /tg/. And I love you too writefriend.

>>46559539
They don't know how to drive them

>>46561360
>COMMANDER WOODY, sir!
>At ease, soldier, what seems to be the problem?
>Sir, there seems to be trouble with our new allies, sir. These new recruits keep trying to boss us around and countermand us. They keep saying that we're lowly "guardsmen" and that we should call them "lord" or "master."
>Wait a minute. These guys don't happen to be wearing armour, talk archaically, and keep referring to buzz as their primarch?
>Them's the one sir. They keep threatening to shoot us if we don't obey them.
>*sigh* Alright. You guys return to your posts and carry on with your orders. I'll make sure to take care of these call of duty rejects.
>Sir, yes sir!
>Dismissed, soldier.

Part 1/2
God I gotta stop writing these so long.

>>46561550

>Chapter master woody! It is good to see you. These guardsmen that we are to serve with are most belligerent, and strangely dressed. They refuse to serve us and call us by our titles!
>Yeah, about that fellas, we need to talk. You can't go around ordering the other toys.
>Toys? what do you mean?
>You are all toys! Andy bought you and painted you as you are now. Well, before you repainted yourselves. But the point is that you are toys!
>We are not toys! We are the emperor's angels of death!
>I don't care how fearsome you are, Haven't you found it the least bit strange that your technology doesn't work here?
>No, we are used to tricks of the great enemy and hope that it shall be remedied soon.
>Alright, then how about this. Don't you find it weird that you have no bodies underneath your helmets?
>That is not unusual.
>It isn't?
>No, oftentimes our brothers, the Iron hands, have replaced many of their body parts with mechanical workings. Though we do not understand how it happened without our knowledge, we welcome the help of our brothers.
>*mutter mutter I hate spaceman toys, I hate them* Okay... how about this? Have you found it weird with all of the things that are around here? The variety of things that exist here?
>To be honest, honored chapter master, this is hardly strange to us. Many are the times we have fought upon a foul xeno homeworld. This is but another world in the grand imperium that shall soon belong to us.
>Alright. Look fellas, we're part of a joint military force okay? You can't order others around and expect them to obey you.
>But, they are guardsmen....
>They're soldiers, and you're space marines. You are two different and ~seperate~ forces. You two are not to interact or order each other around. Understand? They have their duties and you have... whatever it is that you do. Got it?
>Understood chapter master. Though we are not the sons of corax, we shall be as stealthy and silent as possible.
>riiiight. Carry on, captain.

Part 2/2

>>46561580
Alright, one more and then it's off to bed for me. Sleep may be for the weak, but I happen to be very weak. Praise to the dark gods of chaos!

>Hey guys, have you seen those little metal monsters running around?
>Yeah, they're doing something underneath the bed, though I don't know what they're supposed to be building. They've been stealing all of the lego pieces and taking them back to where they live. They keep muttering something about a "fortress-monastery."
>Oh boy. I think we better go investigate fellas.
>Aw Woody, do we have to? I mean, they're small, but they're really scary. I invited them for a game of checkers, but then they tied me up and threatened to use "promethium" or something on me.
>Yeah, and they tried to shake me down for my coins! It was all I could do to keep em from breaking me!
>Look guys, I know they're scary but they're new here. They're just like buzz when he first arrived. Sure they're dumb as bricks and not exactly very friendly, but I'm sure if we just went and took a look, then we'll see they're harmless.

>*Fully made fortress-monastery made from legos, tinker-toys, several dart guns and what looks like a RC car.*
>...
>...
>... Welp, I'm outta here. I've seen enough.
>Oh c'mon Hamm. It's not like they've started weaponizing legos and tinker-toys. Who could weaponize legos?
>I don't know and I don't care, I'm outta here before they blow me up.
>*sigh* alright, I guess it's up to me then

part 1/2

>>46561910

>Chapter master! It is good to see you, we have almost finished building our new Fortress-monastery. Truly, these bricks are the work of a mechanicum magos. Within the short amount of time since we discovered them we have already built several bastions for our brothers! This shall make a fine world for our chapter.
>Look, captain, as impressive as this is, this has all gotta go.
>It does?
>Yeah. Everyone else is worried you're going to try and attack them.
>But, they are mutants, xenos, and heretics. They are not fit to live in the imperium.
>Well they're fit to live here, and so are you. Besides, once Andy gets back and sees this, he's going to flip!
>Who is this Andy, and what shall he flip?
>He's the owner of this room and he's going to flip his lid once he sees all this!
>Ah, so he is a governour of this planet. I do not see how flipping a lid will cause a problem however.
>I mean, he's going to be very angry about you doing all of this.
>Bah, he is only a planetary governour, we are the emperor's angels of death! He will answer to us if he is upset about this.
>No, I mean, he's going to do away with you. He's going to get rid of you if you don't get rid of all of this!
>He may try. But we are not known as the angels of death for nothing!
>*GROAN* we are so going to the garbage dump for this.

part 2/2

>>46561910
You know heretic, if I was with you, I'd kill you in the name of the Emperor so good

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>>46561910
>>46561920

This is fantastic stuff, thank you writefig

>>46557849
Necrons = bestcrons

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bumping with screencap

Amazing

> Be ork shoota boy
> Be pumped to use dis shiney big shoota
> Be faced with da marine boys
> There's a marine boss all by himself
> Look he's got that fancy termi armour on
> And he's frying half da mob with lightning fingers
> What a cheater, get him with da dakka
> All da boys blazin away, great dakka
> Not doing anything
> Time for my shiny big shoota
> DAKKADAKKADAKKA
> The marine boss dies

> Looking at snake eyes armour save rolls
> Looking at gibbed terminator librarian
> Consider points difference to a single shoota boy with a big shoota
> WHELP

Bump for greatness.