Alright here we go. We've been doing this campaign for about 4 weeks now (1 6hr session per week) we've got 2 groups but I'll leave the other one out because that GM actually lets us kill things when we fight them, and isn't absurd in character design for the most part.
Both campaigns are set in the same universe and the GM's collaborate because of this, so I'm not sure who came up with the bullshit monsters (although my money is on the shit GM as opposed to the alright one).
Anyways long story short we all come to a town for some reason or another. The town's main attraction is a Hellraiser-looking puzzlebox that all the PC's save a few go to look at. What a surprise! It begins pouring out purple and black smoke at 10ft per round that knocks everyone out with no saves. Me and another PC escape and I hhide inside a house, sealing the door. The other PC uses wind wall to blow away the gas, but this is apparently the densest gas on earth, so it is unaffected and she is knocked out too. Since I am perfectly safe inside, a purple-black lightning bolt arcs out of the puzzlebox, passes through the walls of the house, and knocks me out instantly too. All of us must roll 2d20 to see what magical chaos shit has happened to us. 2 people get pink hair (including the hobgoblin, who was BALD), 1 person gets a -5 to reflex saves, 1 person gets purple and red eyes, and I am shrunk for half an hour.
Now we are in the box, and all the 'puzzles' consist of touching more things, therefore rolling even more 2d20s and getting more fucked up. Concluding our 'adventure' with the minotaur fight, and a cthulu-cultist that was also invincible until it was convenient. We did level up from 1 to 3, but we had no gold and no town to spend it in, because the puzzlebox apparently deleted the town from existence.
We wander through the woods for a while where a treant traps us and we all have to sing along to escape, however I just knock it out with daze and it died. cont in next post.
>>45904210
This leads to an army of 'chaos treants' playing celtic war songs and forming into a giant treant 200 feet tall. It was killed in one hit from the orc paladin punching it in the back of the head. Somehow this spawned an evil chaos baby treant (which the druid PC was adamant about taking care of) that later morphed into some sort of super-dryad and led us to a big tree. Here we had to fight a huge blob of chaos ooze (along with clones of ourselves) and another invincible chaos demon that eventually killed itself. Despite speaking about every language and having tongues, I can never understand, read, or translate anything the demonic puzzles say, leading to us bumbling around again until we left the tree.
Somehow the demon had a key which opened the gate to some sort of time-locked region from thousands of years ago, this is where we encountered the old man who, among other things, threw a frying pan through a wall (not breaking it, just phasing through) and forced us to answer riddles or be trapped forever in his shed. Eventually we were sucked through a black hole on the other side of a stained glass window, with no saves once again.
We came out in a massive cave with two kobolds, a blue skeleton, and 20 cultists performing a ritual. The cultists were once again invincible and untouchable until they completed the ritual that summoned a colossal demon and were eaten. The kobolds transformed into (I SHIT YOU NOT) 'force gundams' as in kobolds suspended in the air with invisible dragon force-fields around them, and begin to have a wrestling match with the monster, causing it to explode with the force of a nuke and nearly kill us all.
>>45904283
This opened up a tunnel leading to ghost satan who was invincible the whole time until we touched him, causing him to disappear and leaving behind a ring that caused me to pass out but let everyone else try it on. After this we found the old man again who insulted us, silenced my vocal cords for standing up to him, and refused to help us leave. Eventually we 'magically' were teleported to town.
Town was good for about 3 minutes, we had gold to earn, things to buy, and for once we were actually killing things (invading kobolds). Then the dragonborn showed up. Every hit was redirected into his mount (a giant lizard) and when that was dead, he just ignored damage. When we killed all his kobolds, he summoned just as many zombies (from under the fucking paved road). When we killed the zombies, he just instantly grappled the PC with the magic ring. When we beat the shit out of him while he was grappled, he just turned into a colossal black dragon and ripped the ring off with his tongue. Somehow swallowing the ring made him even more powerful as he flew off, and that is where our last session ended.
>>45904283
>>45904317
>>45904210
so your average 3.5 game
>>45904210
There's already a bad GM thread going.
>>45904210
Honestly, all of this sounds so bad that it's funny. I still would have said "This isn't for me." and dropped out;however, I would have been laughing while doing so at how CUHRAZZZY things were getting.
To be fair my GM is pretty good, except when it comes to this one thing
>low fantasy setting
>halfway through the campaign we get magical powers
>everyone must use intelligence to use them
>except that fighter guy who min maxed attack and defense
>his sword gets enchanted, so it steals hp upon attack
>doesn't even have to roll to use it, it automatically gives 50% of his attacks back to him
>he is literally invincible
>>45904210
Jesus shit fucking christ.
On a scale of autistic to autistic as fuck how autistic are your DMs?
Like good God damn that giant vomit rainbow of a campaign makes the most dumb shit I've done look clever.
>>45904210
>>45908355
Yeah no kidding, this is making me feel miles better about the campaign I'm preparing right now and I'm a first time DM. Fucking hell
>>45904210
>>45904283
>>45904317
This smells like bs, and I think you know it. Maybe actually play a game with as much effort as you put into writing this fiction?
>started playing 5e at FLGS
>been playing for about 2 weeks
>everyone is having fun and we all get along well
>bf calls me telling me that he'll be a bit late picking me up
>he says I love you
>GM says "haha hey dude sounds like that dude just said I love you"
>"yeah he did, he's my boyfriend haha"
>get a text from gm later saying he doesn't feel comfortable having me at the table anymore
>>45911913
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3h6es6zh1c
>>45911913
Just out of curiosity, what state are you in and how back-woodsy is it?
>>45911913
I think your GM has some jealousy issues.
>>45911913
I got a genuine laugh out of that picture. Sucks about the homophobia.
>>45917371
Wait, my mistake.
>>45904283
>force gundams
Okay yea your GM needs to die.
