>For your loyal service to the Crown, the Queen rewards you with a horse-key--one of only three in existence.
But I don't even have a horse to start up with it
>>48318701
I thank her, and direct myself towards my horse, where I insert the key to see what happens
>>48318701
Dude, where's my horse?
>>48318701
I immediately sell it in the nearest shop and use the money to acquire superior magical weapons and new spells.
>>48318701
I only care if it comes with land grants, a badass title and a sweet castle. The social prestige is nice but I can already make all nobles bow before me with compulsion spells anyway.
>>48318701
I politely thank the Queen, and to express my gratitude I reach around her ample hips with an available hand and begin caressing her prodigious, royal member while I continue to vigorously thrust my own instrument into her shapely buttocks from behind. As my remaining hand is occupied with steadying her Majesty, I ask my trusty squire to begin inserting the horse-key into my own buttocks, that I might know the height of ecstasies.
A horse!
A horse!
My kingdom for a horse!
>>48318763
Interestingly I had a GM go bullshit on me for the opposite:
I had a paladin with some high end, but only +! armor. A noble rewarded him a set of like +4 armor of a lesser kind, so it was only a 1 point AC improvement.
I realized however, that the cash value of the new +4 armor was absurd. So I wanted to sell it, pocket a few 100 gold for myself for expanses, then donate the rest to the damaged town.
GM was genuinely pissed in RL over it.
>>48318761
Everybody now!
Up the bard's sphincter it goes.
>>48318701
Such an honor. Everyone else has to make due with don-keys.
Sell it and buy a horse with the money.
>>48318701
The key is to her bedroom, I assume?
>>48319914
But that's exactly what a paladin should do. What exactly made him so pissed about it?
>>48319914
Your dm was pissed at your paladin for finding a way to donate money to charity?
>>48319914
>Paladin does something that would make his god nod in pride
>GM throws a hissy fit
Listen buddy. I have a rule about inviting people on 4chan to IRL games, but if I didn't, and you were in Florida, I would say "Hey, fuck that guy. Come down and play with us."
>>48318755
>You unlock the full power of your horse
>>48320159
No. It's a key to herclockwork dildo.
>>48320489
>It now can shit on command
>>48320750
Someone post the horse anus screencap
>>48320159
It's a key for her chastity belt.
>>48318701
I assume that soon all three owners of horse-key will face each other in no disqualifications three way match for some fabulous grand price.
>>48320159
Yeah, I heard the princess is quite a night-mare in bed.
>>48322408
Enjoy it while you can Carlos. Try and get over the wall when Trump gets elected.
>>48322573
>the wall
Tunneling is a thing, brah.
>>48322596
Also, they can just toss/catapult him over the wall
>>48322612
>drop-pod direct-infiltrating mexicans
My God...
>>48322377
Oh, there'll be a three-way alright.
The queen is a freak.
>>48319751
>royal member
No
>>48320074
underrated post.
I enjoyed this thread.
>>48321404
>>48318755
>the horse... opens.
>>48318701
Now I don't need to hotwire horses, I have the master key.
>>48322829
THE CODEX ASTARTES REFERS TO THIS TACTIC AS, "ILUVIA DE ACERO!"
>>48318755
that doesn't go there!
>>48322829
>>48329109
>>48328300
...how do you hotwire a horse
>>48329971
Ever see Avatar?
>>48329971
Very very carefully. You wouldn't believe the alarm systems people install on their horses nowadays. The old school dead switches were annoying enough.
