Why are bears' ears round?
They're the only forest critters the elves haven't fucked yet
>>48087069
Challenge accepted
>>48087069
But what about weasels?
>>48087069
A prince was killed defending the land from evil.
Ah, well.
Heir today, gone tomorrow.
The rogue had this one she would always open up with, "How many stabs does it take to silence an X? I don't know, I lost count!"
Where X is the person, usually profession she is talking to, like guard.
>>48087151
Doesn't that imply that she'd be very bad at killing them, if it requires her to stab them so many times she's lost count along the way?
>>48087164
Or she's really stupid.
>>48087164
Well in that instance she's not sneak attacking them because she's telling them the joke, so she just gut stab them a ton of times until well after they stop moving.
>>48087164
I think the implication is that it would be extremely painful. Then again, if the goal is to torture, why is she stabbing?
>>48087191
>I think the implication is that it would be extremely painful
...
for you
>>48087069
our group's first DM's game. copied out of some game. started first quest and already he hated role playing. killed a few goblins and called out his bullshit. next session everyone lost there chericter sheets. same exact game. tried to resin with some NPCs (this DM gives his NPCs no motivation other than plot). has me roll play and i win. he throws a fit. i give it up and we go on his horible tirade. PC walks into exotic furniture shop. buys flying stool. GG. now we give him shit for being an ass with no motivation or imagination we kinda just pull up the flying stool.
I once populated the multiverse with a pig monkey creature or dm made up when on a plane hopping campaign.
Now, we take turns trying to slip them in in back ground conversations or when we run games.
Not so much as an outright joke as our group seeing how many times it comes up before someone else notices.
>>48087069
I don't get it
>>48087069
>Bears are the only forest critters the elves haven't fucked yet
Something something male gay culture, something something anal sex.
Talking to bats. I didn't join until the session after but the elf druid forced the wizard and...some kind of fighter? To stand down and turned the whole first session into finding a diplomatic solution to clearing out bats from some guys basement. (Fighter quit after first session, I joined in second session as a thief)
All guards are boyscouts. First one we ran into I stole his weapon and he was running around panicked looking for it the next day, later on he was issued a dagger as a replacement. Me and the wizard has done some shit to guards. Admittedly, I'm far worse to them.
>>48087069
Looks like this Mimic just won a ticket to SUPLEX CITY!
I was in a particularly grim situation with a fellow roleplayer in game-- the two of us versus a challenging boss like monster encounter.
I turned to him and said "Just in case. What do you want on your tombstone?"
He turns and replies "Pepperoni" before charging.
>Warhammer Fantasy
>DM decides that praying to gods = magic
>has us roll whenever we pray
>a guy who has terrible rolls says something like "Oh my almighty God, please let me hit, this time."
>GM decides that he has to roll
>Tzeentch hears his prayer
>roll several more times to figure out the effect
>after several more tragic rolls, anons character gets a mental illness that makes him fall in love with his brother
>tfw praying makes you gay
>>48087843
>the gang takes this opportunity to discuss power bottoms in great detail.
>>48087069
Roommate makes an addition to my campaign map on the whiteboard I have mounted in the dining room. On the way to the town of Belleville, a path diverges off to some place called Buttstuff, where a crudely drawn devil resides. I forget to erase it, so my players, unsurprisingly, are intent to find out what's going on in "Buttstuff".
"I bet they have good bars in Buttstuff"
"What is there to do in Buttstuff?"
"How far is Buttstuff from where we're at now?"
I've decided to make it an actual part of the game. Luckily, Buttstuff is a long way off from their current position on the map, so I have lots of time to figure out what exactly is going on in Buttstuff.
>>48088734
Its not gay if its incest
>>48088911
What are you gonna do?
>>48088911
>inb4: Buttstuff is the most prudish settlement this side of the multiverse inhabited by not!Amish, it's just that certain cartographer from times long passed was an asshole and wanted to spite the prudes
I iunno, with my new group theres mentions of aneurysms striking at any time but thats about it
>>48088911
The town is plagued by hundreds of lurking Shirime.
>>48087836
Everything else has been fucked by elves, so their descendants have pointy elflike ears. Your rabbits and deer and whatever else.
>>48088911
The local populace of Buttstuff are investigating ways to take advantage of the abundant natural gas resources found in Windy Valley.
>>48089080
The town doesn't exist. Instead an enterprising pack of brigands snuck it unto a map, which eventually got copied all over the place. It's far enough off the main roads that no one's easily going to check it's fake, but the name attracts a bunch of explorers, adventurers and tourists who think they're "wacky" and whom the brigands promptly ambush, kill and loot, or recruit as slaves for the mines/work camps they're running in the area.
>>48090621
Alternately, a bunch of enterprising capitalists did the same, recruiting earth elementals to carve a local mountain into a butt shape, etc. and are now peddling mugs, hats, butt-themed spell scrolls, etc. to anyone who passes by and has an awful sense of humour.
>>48090621
>The town doesn't exist. Instead an enterprising pack of brigands snuck it unto a map, which eventually got copied all over the place
It's funny you say this, because once an enterprising group of students from my uni snuck a fake stop on the metro map as a April 1st joke, which somehow everyone copied and our city ended up with a fake stop on all of the official maps.
>>48087820
Are you having a stroke?
This isn't so much a joke as a situation that really amused me and the other player. We were playing through ToD and the DM had a dickass cocky DMPC gish, to bring our party count to 3. The DMPC was a dragonborn sorc/warlock/ranger and pretty much hated my character (probably my fault for making a /tg/ elf)... Anyway, we were snealing around some compound, so he used his magic invisibility shit to scout the room ahead, before coming back to us and doing those commando handsignals. My character and the other player's character didn't react and it took the DM a good while to figure out we couldn't see invisible hand gestures.
"You sense a strong aura of shame coming from 5 feet ahead of you".
It was funny, k?
>>48090655
>A butt-themed tourist trap
I'm love it
>>48087834
Mankey?
>>48090742
The players will return with the greatest loot of all... baseball caps and T-shirts with slogans on them.
