Hey /tg/
Sorry if this thread is too gay, but I thought perhaps some of you might have experience of this. Feel free to call me a faggot, I think I probably deserve that.
I finished up GMing an Only War session for some of my friends overseas via roll20 and they really enjoyed it. Though it was a little difficult for me with the time difference, as well as being a first time GM, everyone enjoyed it a lot and I felt pretty proud of myself. After that some more people joined the group and we decided that our next adventure would be in Dark Heresy, I gave myself two weeks to set up a basic homemade adventure and help the party set up their characters (only two of the five have played RPGs before, not counting the short Only War session).
The problem comes at this part, I've been dealing with diagnosed depression for a while now and something about setting all this up has caused it to flare up and become almost unmanageable. I have no idea why, I'm not sure I can really go through with it at this point. Everyone is excited to play and I don't want to let people down, some of them have put a lot of genuine effort into their characters.
Have any of you had an experience like this? If so any advice would be appreciated, if not just let this thread 404.
Thanks anons.
Sometimes you just need to take a break from GMing.
Send your players a message saying that you can't make it next session because you aren't feeling well (which is the truth). Or tell them about your depression.
Maybe talk to your doctor/psychiatrist about this. They will be able to give you help that we can't.
Your health should come before playing a game. As fun as it can be and as disappointed as they may be, you owe it to yourself to take care of yourself.
Take a break, talk with your psychiatrist and therapist about it, and see how you can go forward from there with your mental health in mind.
And if you don't have a psychiatrist and a therapist: get a psychiatrist and a therapist. Depression is no joke, from personal experience.
>>47815106
>>47815106
I get anxiety / depression about gaming quite frequently.
I find that the best thing that works for me is to start building, whether I'm typing out scratch notes or copy-pasting doors into a dungeon, just doing something to feel like I'm putting work down, that feeling of forward progress, that's what gets me going.
The hardest part is getting started, procrastination is real, too real, I browse the web for inspiration and end up losing myself for an hour or two while my notes Google Doc is a tab away and totally untouched.
I have a couple steps that help me begin working when caught by depression.
>Cont
>>47815459
>>47815106
1) Remove hard distractions
--These are things you can't avoid, and need to get done before you can really lock into a task, Get something to eat, Use the washroom, Ensure your housework is done for the day, get a bottle of water and bring it near your workstation so you don't need to break for hydration
2) Open Reference documents and worksheets
--Open them all, the notes page, the maps, the npc sheets, the core books, the premades which you're ripping inspiration from, get it all open and ready to go, in case working on one thing gives you a spark of inspiration for something else, allowing you to bounce between different tasks of your RPG planning while still making forward progress.
3) Toss on some tunes that you can work to
--Something Ambient but not too relaxing, I usually listen to contemporary symphonic stuff, usually videogame and film music, some Classical, some alternate, almost entirely instrumentals to prevent distraction by lyrics
4) Break the block and get started.
--The hardest of the tasks, but generally simple to do, put pen to paper,
-Read your old scratch notes and fill them out more, add more detail, double check and edit your notes, filling plotholes,
-Begin putting objects down on the maps,
-Type out that new idea, just put it to paper, and start, stumbling if need be, but force yourself to put a mark down,
-If you feel apprehensive, or like you're going to make a mistake: Make that mistake so you can fix it, seems counter intuitive but repairs and edits can help get the ball rolling, and from there you can start building again.
A lot of folks have been where you are, and everyone finds their own ways to mitigate or avoid depressive moods and creative blockages, I hope my techniques can be used to help you in your situation. They don't always work for me, but putting them down is the least I could do.
Best of luck anon, your fight may be uniquely yours, but there are always people who can help
[incoming attempt at lifting your spirits when you're feeling down like this]
OP, at the end of the day, all you can do is the Best you can, These people are your friends.
Friends OP. These are people who like you as a person so much that they set their precious spare time and organize with other people who like you that much just to * "hear you tell them a story."* (i'm hoping the punctuation around what i said italicizes and bolds it.)
i can't imagine that concept, if thoroughly examined and meditated on, won't bring you a lil' flicker of joy.
>>47815240
>>47815274
>>47815459
>>47815469
Thank you very much for the advice, I have an appointment with my therapist later today so I'll definitely bring it up.
I've also rescheduled the first session for next week, and thank you especially to the last anon who posted, I'll see if your steps can help me out.
Thanks /tg/ <3
>>47815756
Made my last post before I saw yours, thank you too kind anon!
I ran out of appreciative reaction images so I found a photo of my cat instead, I hope that's ok.
>>47815106
I'm facing the exact same problem. I was super hyped to run a superhero RPG campaign, got characters made for everyone and everything, and then my enthusiasm totally died.
>>47815106
>>47815776
I'm sorry to hear about your condition OP. Make sure to take care of yourself. I have some minor GM advice that might help take some of the stress off of GMing.
One thing that has helped me GM is sharing some of the tedious GM work with players. As long as they are willing to help, this can help you focus on the GMing parts you most enjoy. It also makes games run faster, gives you more time to prep, and it can help players feel a little more invested.
I have some responsible players in my group which makes me pretty lucky, one of whom is in charge of scheduling the sessions. (With google calendars this is much easier)
During the game, another keeps track of initiative, and helps combat encounters run quickly.
I have an experienced rpg veteran with access to the internet who is able to quickly solve rules disputes too.
Before the game, I have more time to plan rewards for my players, and make encounters that players can be invested in. During the game I have more time to adjust things on the fly if players are responding to something differently than expected.
It's worth mentioning that you're going to make some mistakes as a new GM, and some sessions might not always go smoothly, but you'll have to learn to forgive yourself and sure enough as long as you and your players have fun, you did a great job. If they didn't have fun during the session, then you can learn from your mistakes, become a better GM and make it up to them in future sessions.
>>47816224
Me again
>>47815106
>>47815776
You could also suggest that the new RPG players get help from the 2 players who are rpg veterans, whenever they level or advance in character. If you explain that you're newish to GMing and you are trying to find your own groove, you can direct their mechanics questions to the players without seeming like you're brushing them off.
More time for you to do the GMing stuff you enjoy.
>>47816224
>>47816280
Thank you too kind anon, I'll see if I can work out some kind of system like that with my players.
