You, and all the rest of the people on /tg/, have been cast onto the surface of Holy Terra in the grim dark future. You could swear you heard someone snicker "Just as planned..." as it happened.
You all end up in a quiet corner of the Nord Merican hive arcology. You can only bring what's in your immediate surroundings. What do you do?
Make it my life mission to meet the apex twins
Die horribly within the next five minutes
Masturbate. Right there, right then.
>>47699956
>Lying in bed, naked, and phoneposting
Well this is going to be fun for somebody.
>>47700598
>poor little white boy: part 40 000
Well I'm a resident /k/ommando, so, probably sell my moist nugget to the admech and live cushy, or get turned into a techpriest
everyone gets trampled to death by pilgrims
the end
>>47700791
>quiet corner
>>47700865
That IS the quiet corner
>>47701011
Then the only option is for me to yell "heresy!" and hide in a pipe.
>>47700774
Talk to this guy try team up, see if he has a piece I could have, since I'm gun cucked in nz.
Otherwise try not to die in the first five minutes, and sign up with the local guardsman regiment.
>>47701168
>local guardsman regiment
>on Terra
I'm not sure the Imperial Fists will take you, anon.
Question, coming from a universe where psychic powers don't exist, am I a blank in 40k, or am I "gifted" a warp presence upon being transported?
>>47700281
Dis. I always wished I could find more lore about them, Alpha+ psykers have always tickled my fancy. Regardless of the fact that any tech I could take with me would be HORRIBLY out of date and useless, might as well go do something cool like that while I wait to be purged or starve.
>>47701245
You have a warp presence, and a small chance to spontaneously become a psyker.
Exactly one guy will be a blank. You will know him because literally everyone else will hate him immediately.
The ultra-polluted atmosphere obliterates my cushy, healthy lungs in minutes.
Or I get strapped in some rotary face-raper that somehow keeps my alive for eternity too.
Or I get mistaken for a psyker and get tortured on the Black Ships and eventually soul-flayed to keep the Astronomican going.
Or I get shot for disobeying law 4102013345, section 12554, subsection 12.
Forgot to mention, you each get a handy dataslate with a map of the surroundings, a pilgrim's guidebook on Terran culture, and a Gothic-English translator.
>>47701304
> literally everyone else will hate him immediately
This may not be the distinguishing characteristic you think it is.
>>47701215
Why not?
M 28
6'4" 90kgs fit
Can shoot alight, just don't own my own.
I think I would make a fine trooper
>>47701535
I dunno, are you 14 so you can become a Neophyte?
Does Terra even have/need a PDF?
>>47701493
Well, I can't make it too easy to figure it out. You fuckers would get him kidnapped by the Assassinorum by pointing him at psykers.
>>47701535
>fit
Here's a laser pointer. Charge at that Obelisk.
Unless you've led a lifetime of harsh conditions, or are some legendary warrior monk on your planet, you ain't goin' nowhere but into the fray.
>>47701559
Wait, the Terran Praefects are a thing.
They also suck, and their only fluff mention is the Chaos Lord Periclitor laughing at them being shit.
>>47699956
My head possibly explodes because I've had enough idle thoughts come true that I genuinely think I might be psychic.
If not, find the nearest techpriest, and hand him all the electronic devices I could reach. Ask to join the admech. Or at least gesture as such because I do not speak gothic.
Desperately scramble to explain my presence, the recovery of the tech, my ignorance of imperial custom, etc. etc. to the point my life resembles a laurel and hardy skit for a little while.
Eventually settle into my new life as a techpriest. As I am free of the writer fiat that would enforce stagnation, failure, and general idiocy upon 40k characters, I aim to work hard at learning/training/influence gathering until I can rise to a position where I can make intelligent changes/perform original research/do cool shit.
>>47701700
>Do cool shit
You realize Techpriests do not do research, yes? It goes against healthy xenophobia.
Inquisitors would do something like research. Mostly so they can figure out how to stop doing research because that sounds oddly like you think the Emperor isn't doing enough and that humanity isn't perfectly perfect in every way. And you don't think that way, do you? We'd have shot you already if you did, so you must not.
Mostly techpriests hack off parts of their own bodies and replace them haphazardly with machinery.
Or enact repair rites. Or use leftover body parts to make new machines like servo skulls.
>>47701700
Taking bets on how many days it takes for this guy to end up a servitor.
>>47701794
>You realize Techpriests do not do research, yes?
I hate this meme. They do. That's were new pattern weapons and armor come from. It just takes forever because the Martian basement is full of machines that want to tear you apart.
Also, techpriests don't like to share research, which slows the distribution process even further.
>>47701869
Sharing research is also what attracts the attention of the Inquisition.
/tg/ is dropped on Holy Terra? I give it a week before we give birth to Slanesh 2, Slanesh harder.
>>47702005
I give it a week before we're all eaten by gangers.
>>47699956
>You, and all the rest of the people on /tg/, have been cast onto the surface of Holy Terra in the grim dark future
Oh god, imagine the smell. It would be like when Horus dropped Morty's dirty laundry on Istvaan III
>>47699956
Time to kill the emperor.
WHO CAN PASS UP KILLING A GOD WHEN GIVEN THE CHANCE?
>>47702184
Reported to the Custodehe does it for free
>>47702184
About that.
>>47702184
>kill the emperor
The Golden Throne is canonically on the fritz.
Wear-and-tear beat you to it.
>>47702275
>>47702279
noice
>>47702291
so is that what Abaddon means when he talks about the Long War?
>>47702279
>>47702275
They can try to stop me and most likely will, But by the gods. I will fucking try it.
>>47702291
But its NOT gone yet, just breaking it down.
>>47702319
So. What are your plans on taking on the three hundred elite Custodes in the actual throne room itself?
>give the nearest tech priest my laptop and smartphone
>Join the glorious tech priest ranks using my arcane knowlege of the mystical A+ and Security + knowledge from the dark age
>Rise to the ranks enough to go interstellar
>Find a nice faraway tropical planet with hot Brown girls and no existential threats
>Live there for the rest of my days wondering just what the hell happened
>>47702344
I never said I would survive. I said I was gonna kill the Emperor. There's hopefully a lot of shit to grab and turn into explosives as I hunt through the place.
>>47702348
>Find a nice faraway tropical planet with hot Brown girls and existential threats
>father a family of genestealer hybrids
FTFY
>>47699956
>Sitting in my gun safe
Czechmate motherfuckers I'm bringing 3 AK 74s 2 AR 15s a Barrett .50 cal a 1911 a glock 40 an M9 a Deagle brand Deagle an SKS 2 nuggets and a SCAR L (Yes I fell for the meme) along with over 100000 rounds.
>>47702383
Holy shit, /tg/ has a resident explosives expert?
>>47702413
And you're carrying all that how?
>>47702431
>He can't carry a fuckload for a few minutes
Are you a manlet or just a fag
>>47702431
Visit /k/ sometimes, they impart wisdom when not fucking Gun oil.
>>47702471
Oh, so you're going to have random dudes from /tg/ carry your guns FOR you, I see. A good idea.
>>47702522
Where did that conclusion come from?I grab it you dumbass
>>47702560
And carry all of it, on your person, for the rest of your life?
>>47701869
Discovering old stuff in the basement isn't research, anon. Isn't the lead cause becoming a heretek is "wanting to advance science" anyway? Techpriests are glorified tech support, not innovators.
>>47702574
For maybe 6 hours MAX.Niggas pay big for ancient artifacts you know.
test
>>47702050
I give it a week before we're all dead to horrible space smallpox.
>>47702577
"In ancient times, men built wonders, laid claim to the stars and sought to better themselves for the good of all. But we are much wiser now."
-Speculations On Pre-Imperial History, Archmagos Ultima Cryol
"The best way of improving a gun is to improve its ammunition."
-Hieronymus, High Magos and Arch-heretic of Artemia Majoris (was terminated on request of Fabricator-General)
>>47702612
>"WHO WANTS SOME REALLY OLD AUTOGUNS AND STUB PISTOLS? GET YER AUTOGUNS!"
You'll be loaded, I'm sure.
>>47702699
A lot more than you fuckboi
>>47702699
>literally pre-DaoT technology
>technology from the fucking 3rd millenium
Dude, the Admech would oil themselves to get that shit.
Present to the Admechs my ancient technology that houses old world knowledge. I am sure they would be mesmerized by the likes of Prince, Talking Heads and David Bowie.
>>47699956
Probably burst into daemons and heresy thanks to all the forbidden knowledge I have of Chaos.
>>47699956
find the nearest political cesspit and participate in depraved orgies while under the influence of mind altering intoxicants.
So you know, I guess I'd start by heading to the capital...
>>47701700
Great you handed antique obsolete tech to a tech priest.
>>47701830
One.
Aren't 40k humans Stone Men, whilst we're the precursors of the Gold Men?
So I imagine even the more robust of us would be frail, sickly and prone to disease and infection compared to the average terran.
>>47701794
>You realize Techpriests do not do research,
>>47704724
>>47701700
See guys? I'll have no problems.
>>47699956
Hmmm let's see, a place I know nothing about, or what I know about it is way too dangerous, don't speak the language and will probably die horribly since the world is harsh and grimdark.
Try to make some sort of /tg/ basecamp. Try to figure out a way to get food. Try to pick up low gothic.
Figure out what skill I can sell that isn't extremely outdated and that practicing won't get me killed. I *could* draw portraits and icons of the emperor and Sanguinus but then god knows what I'd be getting wrong about the iconography and would mark me as a heretic.
>>47704967
>Draws icons of Emperor
>It becomes corrupted
>The space marine you gave it too didn't notice until it was too late
>HH 2.0 rise of the Chaos-smurfs.
>>47699956
I know how to make lho-sticks, so I would round up some guys and start a manufactorum.
>>47699956
Well, being theelf fagas I am, would probably be executed forxenophilia, heresy and the sort of thing.
I don't know what here is useful but I'm bringing all of it.
>>47701559
No, I just want to join the guard; for the emperor I will serve, hopefully my meta knowledge of the fluff will serve me well and I will progress through the ranks; but if I die before I wake the emperor will take my soul to take.
For the glory of Terra; and the safety of mankind I will hold the line; as my ancestors before me.
Considering how 40k humans are shriveled mutated disease-ridden manlets I'd probably be mistaken for a space marine. A fat one.
>>47701304
Wait, are namefags blanks?
>>47705683
It's the opposite actually
see
>>47704666
40k humans are the remnants of a genetically engineered servant race created to provide hardy yet unimaginative labourers during mankind's settlement of the stars.
>>47705911
Source?
>>47702480
something wrong with gun oil anon?
>>47705911
Emprah reingeneered the terrans again.
The good programmer meme says that a good programmer will never have a problem to find a job, so I will see if its true in facist dystopia 40k land. Surely there must be some several thousand year old legacy code base hell that could need a programmer to maintain it.... Maybe I should just join the guard.
>>47699956
I would challenge all of the chaos gods to be a better one than all of them and proceed to make the existence better
or alternatively
I remember reading somewhere that if a psyker collects the energies while he's alive then after his death he will become a self made daemon or a prince daemon
>>47704967
>Figure out what skill I can sell that isn't extremely outdated
You know the gaunts ghosts novels mention brothels.
>>47705222
Bring the cat. It can keep future rats out of our /tg/ slum.
>>47707220
You mean catch supper; good old rat stew just like mama used to make.
>>47707272
Before the mutant rats ate her?
>>47699956
I copy all of my 40k PDFs onto my tablet, then I go and turn myself in to the Inquisition, tell them that I'm from an alternate universe in the year 016M3 where all of this was a fictional game setting, and ask to become an Acolyte.
I mean, I know a lot of the setting's secret truths, and I know that they induct people into the Inquisition because they know things; there was an entire Career for PCs like that in Dark Heresy 1e (the Adept).
Then I spend whatever time they don't spend interrogating me praying that they decide to send me out to join an Acolyte team, rather than just executing me or erasing my mind for Knowing Too Much.
Page 8 Bump. Noone else has any thoughts?
>>47702480
Yes. Wisdom.
>>47711497
You now know how to make Napalm rounds. As I said Wisdom mate.
>>47704724
Finally some ammo against the cringy as fuck "the admech never had the knowledge" pasta
>>47699956
I have a revolver so I can take out four of you guys if you want to an hero with me
that or join up with the guard
>>47705222
nice trips
nice cat
nice clean
>>47699956
So a whole bunch of little figures of Chaos Demons and some super ancient tech. Yeah that's gonna go super well.
On the plus side, the Inquisition will probably not immediately kill me because they'll want to torture and interrogate me for a few hundred years.
>>47702752
>wah my disposable income that came from never taking the dad pill would be worthless
Cry more, faggot.
>>47714660
you could become a radical inquisitors sextoy, it might even be female
A long while ago /tg/ had a thread about the oldest 20 sided die found, and it came from under the Roman Coliseum. OP asked what would gladiators roleplay, and the first post was "Anything but gladiators".
I guess we would start playing anything but 40k in our little slum.
>>47713075
They literally forgot how to make Vanquisher cannons. They literally forgot how to make a long barreled cannon! I'm not talking about a fucking plasma gun or grav cannon or terminator armor or something complex like that.
A fucking cannon! It's too complicated for them to reproduce!
The Adeptus mechanicus are idiots.
The only correct answer is to group up, find the nearest inquisitor and convince them were from the past or alt dimension and tell them all the Lore and shit they dont know yet.
We will live like Kings as long as we keep giving them knowledge.
>>47714844
Interrogator plz
>>47714844
>how to end up mindraped by psykers before you are repurposed as a servo skull or servitor integrated into a low class shitter somewhere
Great plan, m8
>>47713075
>Believing propaganda
>>47714952
Over autistic fanon? Sure.
I guess I bring my kindle with all the 40k rulebooks and novels on, then trade/barter information on the enemies of the EMPRAH for some kind of safety?
Never really read the lore on Terra
>>47714620
>nice clean
That's what we pay the hispanic lady for.
>>47715066
>warpstorms force you to bring your cleaning lady with you
>she gets recruited into the retinue of a anti-nurgilite inquisitor
>>47715145
>No...no...no
>No Nurgle here
>>47715055
Turning up on Terra without identification and then letting people know you posses a large amount of dark and forbidden knowledge sounds like a plan. Ain't gonna make anyone a bit inquisitive that, oh no.
>>47701168
>try not to die
>join the local guardsmen regimen
Start chanting prayers to the omnissiah, my phone has all the Mechanicus related books I could find on it, pray I can become an electro priest and live my short mindless life showing peeps the "unlimited power" lightning fun times.
Captcha says I'm not a robot, but I want to be ...
>>47701700
this but eventually learn so much that I leave the sol system, become a non chaos heretek secretly build up my political power base, and solve the ftl transportation and communication problem of the imperium and then get to work remaking the mechnicus and the ministorum according to the emprorers old creed etc etc
>>47714844
>>47714873
>>47714898
That's why you don't try to hold out for personal gain; you fully cooperate with all of their questions, and ask them to make you an Acolyte afterwards.
Sure, you'll be stuck with all of the shitty jobs for the next few decades, but if you survive the occasional suicide mission, you might be able to be promoted to Interrogator, and from there to Inquisitor.
>>47699956
Give that everyone speaks a bastardized version of Latin, I'd attempt to communicate the best I possibly can before I am inevitably killed for whatever reason.
>>47715145
Unfortunately her and the cat are enemies.
Cat hates her because she moves things and messes with whatever he is sleeping on.
She hates him because he's the reason she has to clean up small animal fur viscera.
>>47701830
potato
>>47705222
even the swivel chairs? And the cat?
I decided to generate a version of myself inserted into the 40k universe as a Dark Heresy 1e character. This seems to fit pretty well. Thoughts?
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/dha-show.php?charnum=61765
>>47715788
Well I would expect being recruited into the guard to be a little like enlisting in the French foreign legion. You just need your fake name, and after service you will have legitimate papers.
Yeah the life span of the average active guard is short, I'm sure plenty of non active serve many years before orks, Eldar, chaos comes to but rape them.
If I end up in the solar aux. Then likely only of shit really hits the fan am I likely to see action
>>47720028
Stc of said swivel chair; priceless.
>>47721031
>Well I would expect being recruited into the guard to be a little like enlisting in the French foreign legion. You just need your fake name, and after service you will have legitimate papers.
>after service you will have legitimate papers.
>implying that Guardsmen ever leave the Emperor's Service other than through death
>>47721129
He'll have a proper, munitorium-approved paper tag on his toe though.
If the corpse was recovered.
And still had toes.
>>47721129
If that is the case, my mind, body and soul is the emperors ammunition.
The guard may spend it as they please in his service. For life is only worth living in service to mankind.
>>47719371
>bastardized form of latin
Nope.
No one fucking knows how high gothic or low gothic might sound.
So they just went with derp-latin and whatever the readers language is.
>>47705911
This is the first I've ever heard of this. Sauce?
>>47706092
fanlore basically
3rd edition rulebook has the Journal of Keeper Cripias (google that) that explains the Gold Men, Stone Men and Iron Men.
Iron Men are definitely the robots that rebelled against humans during the Age of Strife.
What exactly the Gold & Stone Men are is up to speculation, as is whether Cripias and the Keepers are even correct in what they're saying.
I remember reading the Emperor set to work cleaning the human genepool of shit during the Great Crusade, but I can't find where that comes from.
>>47714844
>Oh no, I'm not with them, milord. I've lived here all my life, just passing by.
>>47699956
> You all end up in a quiet corner of the Nord Merican hive arcology. You can only bring what's in your immediate surroundings. What do you do?
Contact AdMech and get executed as HereTeks?
We'll bring lots of IT-related tech, my guess is.
>>47721696
> No one fucking knows how high gothic or low gothic might sound.
Well, let's hope it's not written in moonrunes.
