Ugh... I barely remember what I did last night... or before that... or before before that... or anything at all... but I do remember that a) it must have been really really good, b) I'm the boss over you pathetic sniveling worms. Now, remind me. For how long we've been doing this whole kabal thing?
>Roll a Dark Eldar Kabal thread.
>First roll is 1d10 for the kabal's age.
Rolled 6 (1d10)
>>47644990
>Old (2,500 - 5,000 years old)
That long? Ow, the age... And how exactly did I get stuck with this?
>Roll 1d10 for the current Archon's origin.
Rolled 7 (1d10)
>>47645083
>>47645099
>Hellion that 'graduated' from the mean streets
That's right. I did not choose the Hellion life, the Hellion life chose me. Good things you boyto... er, boys came along. So, how do you find me as your leader?
>1d10 for Archon's personality.
Rolled 9 (1d10)
>>47645203
>>47645557
>Tyrannical: The Archon considers fear and tyranny to be the best motivators.
Well, at least you're honest about it.
*stab*
Should've known better, really.
You there! A vacation of my living memo has just opened. Take this one out and congratulate yourself on your promotion.
Anyway, enough about me. How did you chucklefucks first got together?
>1d12 for the kabal origins.
Rolled 3 (1d12)
>>47645635
>>47645690
>A splinter-group from an established Kabal
Well, if their boss was too weak to keep his gang together, then it was his loss.
Now, how do you jokers usually do things?
>1d8 for kabal's demeanour.
Rolled 2 (1d8)
>>47645936
>>47646077
>No Stone Unturned - Thorough looters and pillagers. Nothing is left untouched. Blood Ravens in Dark Eldar form.
I don't know who those ass-blasted Blood Ravens are, but more loot is always good.
>But wait, there's more!
>1d8 for kabal's flaw
Rolled 2 (1d8)
>>47646107
>>47646138
>Pride in the Colours - The Kabal insists on wearing gaudy and ostentatious ornamentation declaring their might and wealth.
*stab*
Idiot. How is that a bad thing? If you've got bling you've gotta flaunt it. That's what my helion homies always told me. Next!
You! Tell me... where exactly are we? What is this place?
>1d10 for kabal's territory location.
Rolled 3 (1d10)
>>47646251
>>47647107
>Slave-labour complex
... Ugh. At least it's not slums.
Do you at least maintain this place well?
>d100 for territory condition
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>47647177
>>47647776
>Average
*Stab*
Average is not good enough. Next!
Can you at least fight well, and not averagely?
>d10 for Kabal tactics
Rolled 4 (1d10)
>>47648210
Terror get!!
>>47648298
>Performance Art: Poison
Close, but no. Speaking of.
*pin*
Test this one, see if it's agonizing enough. Next!
Well, poisons is nice and all, but have you maggots actually won anything with those?
>d100 for kabal resource
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>47648350
Well I heard that suns around human Agri worlds are very nice. They wouldn't mind if we "borrow" it for a while?
>>47648462
>Ship-Forge
Good idea, have them make a couple of tow-ships to see to it.
And I still think we need to do something about our toxic image. Poison is nice, but it's not flashy enough. We need something more... extravgant.
*pin*
If you want to get an antidote to that, give me a good idea for our signature weapon!
>d10 for kabal signature weapon.
Rolled 10 (1d10)
>>47648548
How about something sharp, and pointy?
>>47648606
>roll again.
Good idea.
*stab*
I'd say we use you as a living weapon, but you're not sharp enough. Not even a bit.
Now, can any of you loathsome wretches give me a good weapon idea?
>Also, plain "roll again" is a lame option, so I'm editing it to "pick from above". So, we get one of
>Splinter weapons
>Close combat
>Blaster weapons
>Slave hunting focus
>Jet bikes
>Mandrake herders
>Heavy weapons
>Wrack lovers
>Trueborn snob pain dealers
>>47648675
>Blaster weapons
What else can beat blowing up lesser life forms and poisoning the ones that survive the blast? Leaving them to die in long, slow and terrible death
>>47648722
Now that one has the right idea. Probably too right. I don't need underlings who are that smart.
*stab*
Take him away, see that he does not die too early. Let's test his suggestion, he can tell us later how effective it is. Next!
You. Bring me up to date on our affairs. Is there anyone who's useful for us now and we're saving for later, or can we ride against the first group of pathetic weaklings we see?
>d8 for our enemies/puppets/those we currently do not betray
dice+1d8
Rolled 8 (1d8)
>>47648864
Well Orks are always a good distraction to use against our enemies
>>47649036
that count as an 8?
>>47649070
No, but that one >>47649067 does.
>A Xenos Patsy (unbetrayed state EXTREMELY temporary)
Ugh. Orks. Being meatshields and doing dirty work for the true masters of this galaxy is all they are good for, if they can manage even that.
Now, final questions. Why do we do things we do. We murder, we kill, we torture and raid, we steal, lie, betray and decieve - for what reason, for what purpose do we gather the pain of our enemies?
>d12 for our goals and motivations.
Rolled 1 (1d12)
>>47649149
>>47649163
>Carnal Pleasures
That's right! Life is dull with no pleasure in it, and we will get our share. We'll devour and consume and fuck our fill till we can't handle it no more, and then we'll take even more. And anyone who stands in our way will only end up as our new toy!
Wrap-up in the next post.
This is the first and last time I RP as a hangover archon, it's too cringy even for me.
Anyway, we are
>An old cabal, who originaly split off from a different one
> Led by an ex-helion Archon who rules with fear and opression
>Thorough pillagers. Loot everything not nailed down.
>Wear lot of ostentanious decorations.
>Base located in a slave-labour complex
>Experts at using poisons
>Signature blaster weapons
>Own a ship-forge
>Have a group of xeno patsies to manipulate
>Do this for fucks and pleasures.
Time to fluff us up.
>>47649410
>Have a group of xeno patsies to manipulate
I feel we need to settle with this one first. Orks have already been suggested, and generally they're good, but they are incompatible with us in a way that our kabal focuses on pillaging as much things as possible. Orks don't leave much things to loot, as they mostly loot everything for themselves. So, do we take someone else? Kroot? Loxatl?
Or do we direct our orks to plaves where we don't plan on going ourselves?
>Wear lot of ostentatious decorations.
>Own a ship-forge
>>47649576
Lead producer of pimp-mobiles in Commoragh.
>>47649551
I vote these guys. It was your own guard that poisoned your archon!
>>47649691
And I guess we can have them shape shift into interesting things to fuck as well.
>>47649691
Works for me. Hope we have a way to stop them from doing that to us. Inject them with special poison that require regular intakes of antidote?
Speaking of poisons - poisons can be delivered in many ways, including through the air. How's the idea of gassing the battlefield beforehand and then walking in like a boss, finishing those who is left with blasters sound?
>>47650235
Yeah the hellions can cropdust the poison overhead then we pick the rest off.
>>47650354
Works for fortifications as well.
>future slaves holed in in bunkers
>gas up the air intakes
>blast the door down
>drag them choking, kicking and screaming to Commoragh.
>>47650387
Very good. Chemical warfare abound! Now how about this Archon's stuff
>>47650438
Well, seeing how he used to be a helion and currently relies on fear and brutality to keep the kabal in line, he must hade been daring and brutal enough to usurp his position from a weak archon.
I see him as having his own helion gang in the past, that was employed by the archon of an ancient and rich cabal, who however lost his touch over the time, relied on servants and auxiliaries to do the work, remained in power mostly due to tradition and the fact that his subordinates were even softer and, frankly, should've been deposed. Seeing this, our guy decided that he would make a better leader and that living the life of a Kabal Archon would be quite pleasant.
So when the time came the current leader killed the previous archon, his closest subordinates, replacing the top of the kabal with his gangmembers, and proclaiming himself a new archon. Which only served kabal for the better, as draining stale old blood, an addition of fresh, hard and furious members from the helion gang and leadership of an archon who gets shit done breathed new line into a lax cabal, allowing them to retake some lost positions and gain new things in process.
Despite the fact that the Kabal's tradition involves wearing flaushy and gaudy apparel, I imagine the archon as having a direct, pragmatic no-nonse personality (taking no shit, keeping everyone in line through very real perspective of profit and bringing the pain on everyone who starts acting up - again, getting shit done in general), who kept that old tradition to add some credibility for himself. Plus, let no one say that life of luxury is bad.
