>running a campaign set around floating islands and airships
>consistant reminder to players that the surface world is like australia on crack
>players constantly joking about the surface
>eventually start fighting some pretty horrific things in the clouds
>dracolich dieslepunk orc pirate ship
>flying tentacle balls of death
>a floating island made out of zombies
>town full of sentient mimics with a brothel full of mimic scanks that have vocal genitals that scream communist propaganda
>rogue of the group: "fuck it, we might as well go to the surface!"
>first day on the surface they are stripped of their gear and stranded in the middle of the woods while being hunted by faceless creatures
>second day they watch a fight between two massive reptilian creatures that level a small mountain range
>paladins all let's_skedadle_the_fuck_out_of_here.png
>they try to return to their ship
>it's been torn to shreds by what they don't know is a tarrasque
>mfw
so, dickish DM thread?
I present the Gay Marriage Rebellion
>>47228587
A board classic
>>47228597
Mutants and Masterminds edition
>>47228570
Would have more dickish if they got to the surface and it was basically a peaceful utopia blessed by the protection of the gods and all that, and the land in sky was a war-torn hellhole because they were areas that wouldn;t get with the new "world peace" thing an got exiled up there.
>>47228630
Believe it or not, that's coming soon. They docked their airship on the coastline because of a combination of intense storms and massive mountains closer to the center of the surface. aka a barrier that protects the utopia
Copypasta 1/3
>We're strolling on this forest and the only guy with survival botches the roll miserably
>We enter an eerie part of the forest, with webs everywhere
>oh shit
>Two Dire Spiders appear
>We can handle that
>We damage both spiders, but focus the rest of the damage into only one
>First dire spider dies and from her body two large spiders sprouts
>wat
>Barbarian dude crit like a motherfucker, and kill one large spider in one turn
>The large spider dies, giving birth to two medium spiders
>The Mad is on
>We're affraid to kill the spiders, because this is worse than a fucking hydra
>Sorcerer guy shoots a scorching ray into a medium spider, misses and hit the dire one, killing it. That's two more large spiders
>We're getting swarmed
>One medium spider falls down, giving birth to two small spiders with a ridiculous venon
>Jesus christ
>We use healing magic and potions like crazy, reducing the larger ones
>Then, someone kills a small spider
>That makes two tiny spiders to sprout. They're shit, but they can "spit" web like Spider-Man
>this is looking bad
>Half of us is grappled or breaking free from grapple, the other half is surrounded. Everyone is poisoned, our atributes and movement are impaired
>We kill one tiny spider and a swarm of average spiders flows from it
>Minimal damage, but is more confusion to the mess
>Sorcerer guy fireball everything. Some die. This means more Spiders. They jump him, he gets punked. Cleric uses his last heal on him
>We arrange a formation like fucking Romans to try to bottleneck the situation
>One of the spider is laying an egg inside the carcass of a slain spider
>We panic. We use everything we can before that fucking egg hatches into more spiders that make spiders that make spiders that lay eggs that make spiders that make spiders...
>We kill everything, burn the entire forest, flee like a motherfucker back to town to find antidotes and never talked about it to any NPCs ever again
>>47228668
Copypasta 2/3
>And then we found zombies
>Fuck the zombies, we charged at them
>We're butchering them
>On your face zombies!
>Suddenly one zombie vomit, somethign that is more akin to the zombie "shooting a bean of necrotic damage in jelly form"
>This instantly makes one of us diseased with some nasty shit that caused strength and constitution loss
>oh shit
>The dead, dismembered zombies on the floor starts moving, body parts moving independently
>Hands, legs, feet, a mouth spitting rotten teeth
>The mad is on, round 2
>We have to kill the zombies more than once, sometimes 3 to 4 times
>The Cleric hits the Turn Undead button
>The zombies are affected but starts vomiting everywhere on their attempt to escape
>They flee to town
>Oh god, what have we done
>We attack the zombies that fight us as they try to escape
>They die, shatter, and several parts of their bodies still tries to flee
>It's not hard, but it is horrifying to watch
>One guy loses sanity
>Zombie body parts attack townsfolk
>A half-body vomits on a commoner, killign him instantly, creatign a new zombie
>Jesus fucking christ, we must stop this!
>Some of us climb a house and le parkour tossing alchemist fire on the fucking streets
>People are screaming, too much property damage, guards are summoned, they don't see the zombies, only us burning everything
>Guards unleash crossbow volley
>It's a nightmare
>We stop the zombies, but now we need to deal with guards
>We led them to the graveyard, trick them into a tomb, lock them in and then charm the shit out of them all
>We have to pay, fix and repair everything
>>47228681
Copypasta 2.5/3
>So, we're on the Elf Queen palace. We stroll around the gardens, and we notice this arch made of twigs between two trees
>Of course we had to go through it
>We're on an enhanced version of the garden, probably the Feywild. This sounds bad
>On the distance there's a pixie playing with an acorn
>Not a magial acorn, or a jewel or anything. a normal acorn
>The fighter dwarf, cast The Jew, and decides that he wants that acorn
>He takes it from the pixie, who starts crying, the cries echoes for a great distance
>This don't sound right
>Suddenly the trees start moving
>Goddamn it!
>One tree kick the fighter that fly away and fall unconscious somewhere
>Somewhere is too much where
>The trees starts attacking us
>brambles, vines, roots, thors and spikes
>A tree summon flowers that causes the cleric to sleep
>Oh jesus fucking christ, the heal bot is down
>Panic
>We run, forget the cleric, coem back to get the cleric
>Fuck the fighter, trees chasing us, pixie shooting darts that cause halucinations, we're tripping balls
>Fuck those tress, sorcerer cast fireballs, instead a wild surge of the fey world causes his spell to become Summon Nature Ally
>The nature ally is a motherfucking unicorn. It is allied with the nature. Not us.
>It cast the jinxes
>We cursed, tripping balls, running for our lives with a comatose cleric being carried by the barbarian looking for the fucking dwarf that had to steal a fucking acorn
>We find the dwarf. He is naked, tied in a cross painted in blood where a group of angry Nymphs are casting a ritual or something
>Jesus fucking christ, why this keep happening to us
>Barbarian rages, dump the cleric and charge the nymphs
>I set the fighter free, he wakes up, grab his armor, stuff on his pack and run naked
>Barbarian fed off the Nymphs and join us, we're all running. There is the portal. We gonna make it!
>Then suddenly realization: we forgot the cleric
>FUCK
Same Greentext story continued in next post...
Anyone have the screenshots of that Magical Girl game where the players had "died" before the game even began?
That was such a good one, but I don't have it saved on this laptop I'm using.
>>47228694
Copypasta 3/3, same Elf Queen/Fairy story as last post
>Trees approaching. Barbarian dashes for the cleric while we defend ourselves
>Trees dish massive damage
>My rogue and the sorcer are paper people
>We're down
>Naked fighter goes to the rescue
>Axe the shit out of a tree, set another one on fire with alchemist fire
>Barbarian make it to the cleric
>She is naked, tied to a cross, painted in blood and the fuckign nymphs are performign a ritual on her
>Barbarian tackles a nymph down and throw her in a river like she was a basketball
>Cut the rope, grabs the cleric, takes her holy symbol, ignore the rest
>Meanwhile naked fighter is still fighting. he's clearly going to die
>The sorcerer familiar, a motherfucking frog named Jeb, ues a healing potion on the sorcerer
>The sorcerer wakes up and demand the fighter to just give the fucking acorn back
>The fighter complies, the pixie is satisfied, the trees go away
>That went better than expected
>They patch me up and we are together near the portal, when suddenly, the barbarian don't know any of this dashes in, bull rushing us all to the portal
>All the fighter equipment is left behind
>My short bow is left behind
>The cleric equipment is left behind
>The sorcerer magic staff is left behind
>The portal closes
>The cleric wakes up and wonders why the fuck she is naked. And so is the fighter
The end.
Just dropping some gold here.
