New Phyrexia gets glistening oil to earth, how would they go about conquering our world?
Depends, they got anything that can beat airpower?
>>47126073
Spells?
>>47126029
Within weeks of the invasion they slowly find their beings being corrupted, turning them into boring office drones with a 9 to 5 job who worry about keeping up with the Joneses and forgetting the existence of real magic. Then some planeswalkers will show up to put the quarantine back up.
>>47126073
They would most likely infect people and gain their own airpower
>>47126029
By making our civilization utterly dependent on it. So much so that we kill each other over it, citing some other bogus cause as a cover up to justify our actions
The mormons brandish their vials of holy oil and combat the evil force, culminating with someone getting clubbed to death with giant gold slabs.
We forget about it three weeks later when the next disney funded movie comes out.
>>47126029
they did anon. millions of years ago they seeded earth with glistening oil. but something in the native plane affected it, rendering it mostly harmless. that's why they haven't come back to finish the job. they are afraid that if they come back, they will find the thing that changed the fundamental aspect of their civilization into a mostly harmless liquid and it somehow leaks back to their worlds.
>>47126469
I understood that reference.
>>47126029
By having Nornfags turn traitor.
>>47126073
>>47126029
Just open a chain of gas stations with glistening oil mixed into the fuel.
Soon, basically everyone living in a major city will have aggressively invasive mechanical lung tumors from breathing the stuff in car exhaust. Game over, mankind.
Norn casts Rout.
>"End this. What I seek is far greater."
>>47129711
Are NornFags at every level of society?
>>47133031
Yes, just like the Jews.
>>47133094
Well
>>47132714
Couldn't you do this by turning some people who work at the refinery?
>>47126029
they kinda just win if they get the ocean transferring the stuff. if water starts to infect us, there isn't much we can do about it, especially if the symptoms take awhile to manifest so that we aren't aware of it until its too late.
Our universe isn't a part of the multiverse.
>>47138084
It would take a large amount, wouldn't it? Maybe in third world countries or flint, Michigan people would start showing metal bits, but they'd have to make factories to pump it like they did mirrodin
>>47126029
Knowing us, we'd probably just capture them, cook them, and eat them.
There is nothing on our planet to make into big scary Phyrexian monsters except elephants and hippos. Also, we have guns.
>>47126029
Actually, I think they would go into hiding when they find out how many unhygienic humans want to fuck their dear Preator Elesh.
>>47141152
But wouldn't eating them just further the corruption?
>>47141305
Neah. That's why we cook them.
>>47126029
They don't.
Not because of human ingenuity, or the strength of our firepower, or anything like that, but from the simple fact that nothing magical actually works here. And glistening oil is, of course, inherently magical.
>>47141520
Well if magic worked enough for the glistening oil to work, how would they take over?
>>47141661
By taking the forms of millions of Elesh Norns, Sheoldreds, and Glissas.
>>47141520
Is it magical? I thought it was basically nanomachines in the oil that Phyrexian'd you, not magic.
>>47126029
They can't. We attack their praetors with 27 bears, and their forces have lost their support. Just mop the rest up with 1/1 peasants.
>>47142465
The oil IS the nanomachines. Magical nanomachines.
>>47142752
>bears
>against Elesh Norn
You couldn't win with glistening oil. The only reason why Mirrodin was so susceptible to it was because it was an artificial plane. Presumably, our world is so resistant to unnatural influences that any kind of magical virulence would be rendered harmless.
>>47142818
Combine nine bears into a super 9/9 uber-bear
>>47126029
They'd be the ones that get conquered since they gave us a source of INFINITE FREE FUEL
Also, guns. lots and lots of guns
>>47142880
Wait, how did we get a 9/9 out of 2/2s?
>>47141875
I don't know about you, but I found some of the nameless Phyrexian cuties to be more attractive than the major named character.
>>47142880
The fuck is with that tail? How has someone illustrating Indian legends never seen an actual bear?
>>47130827
How do you poison a military?
>>47143560
Its food supply
>>47143603
... How do you poison a MODERN military?
>>47143833
Food, whores
>>47143833
Buy the company that makes their uniforms and introduce a slow, cumulative, saline-soluble poison into the fabric.
When the soldier sweats, the poison is released and absorbed through his skin. Gradually it builds up and eventually kills him, but by then the amount left in the uniform fabric is minimal and will not be detected.
Reminder: oil-based lubricants cause condoms to break.serious answer: if glistening oil can be burned in a diesel engine, Earth would gladly welcome its new Phyrexian overlords
>>47142919
>>47144094
>throwing corpses into the oil to make more oil
>>47144354
That's essentially how regular oil is made, just takes longer.
>>47144379
Yeah, but it's funny because I made this thread after one of the characters in my game became infected with the oil. Now it might just turn into "capitalism, ho!"
>>47126029
Earth canonically has no Mana, so it loses all of its magical properties and just becomes normal oil.
>>47143833
Democrats
>>47144403
>Exxon Mobil board meeting
>"I'm pleased to introduce our newest member, Mr. Norn, a foreign investor with a great interest in the oil business"
>everyone looks around, wondering if they should say something about the abomination of porcelain and flayed flesh sitting there oozing blood and black oily fluids all over the table
>after a few moments they realize she fits right in
>the meeting continues as usual, with Satan presenting the quarterly financials while the Grand Master of the Illuminati and Hitler's-brain-in-a-jar discuss marketing
>>47144437
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
>>47144417
So Earth does actually exist in MTG canon? Did Urza discover it or something?
>>47141152
...How, exactly, do you think Phyrexian monsters are made? You don't just take a big animal and slap some gears on it. You take a big animal, stitch it to another big animal, cut the result in half, slap some gears and machinery inside it, stitch about six people to it, cut it in half again, stitch it back together inside out, then strap some more metal bits on it and pump it full of enough adrenaline to make five elephant's hearts explode. But that doesn't matter, because it has six elephant hearts, so everything is okay.
Then you tell it to go forth and fuck shit up.
>>47126029
>>47126073
>>47126145
>>47141221
I'd become one with that, if you know what I'm talking aboutI'm talking about Phyrexian Unli- FATHER OF MACHINES! YOUR FILIGREE GAZE CARVES US, AND THE SCARS DANCE UPON OUR GRATEFUL FLESH!
>>47144636
No, Earth is specifically not part of the Multiverse, as stated repeatedly by WotC.
>>47136843
That is where the glistening oil comes out.
>>47144799
So it exists outside of it in the part of the multiverse where magic don't work right. or at all in our case
>>47143833
Push leftist social justice doctrine, make the army 'diverse' - full of multiethnic groups with no real ties to each other, genetic or otherwise, and make 50% of them female, who do not know how to fight and are naturally submissive and subservient to whoever is strongest. Make sure to discriminate against otherwise capable men in favor of diversity hires under the guise of affirmative action.
Now you've got a military that is, in the best case scenario, at 50% the capability of a racially homogeneous military composed of men. The very first serious conflict will see the military fracture and fall to pieces; female brigades surrendering and giving up intel/supplies, multi-ethnic regiments switching sides, altogether resulting in a military completely useless at handling whatever crisis is at hand.
>>47126029
Glistening oil causes autism.
>>47148387
Finally we have an explanation for why so many fa/tg/uys want to bang Elesh Norn. The invasion has already begun.
>>47143338
Lady Spider-butt is hotter.
>>47126029
With my assistance.
>>47126469
Bro what are you talking about?
>>47143406
In Native American legends Bear used to have a long tail but lost it.
>>47149620
sure is
>>47149620
But Sheoldred is gay, anon.
>>47126029
Cute panties.
>>47141152
>Also, we have guns.
>he's never read the Weatherlight saga
>He doesn't know the Phyrexians had battleships with shitloads of black mana ray guns
>>47150184
Implying she's not powersexual.
>>47144486
Have a chuckle, friend.
>>47144486
>Hitler's-brain-in-a-jar
Kek
>>47149275
But I have autism, and I don't want to bang Elesh Norn. Is something wrong with me?
>>47126770
What's the reference?
>>47150337
Yes.
It's like you don't even want all your skin to be lovingly peeled off.
>>47150184
Doesn't bother me none.
>>47150203
> rays guns
> thinking burnt flesh is worse than a bullet to the head
>>47152903
Different Anon, but if either one hit's you in the head, does it really matter?
>>47152903
You realize a bullet would probably bounce right off the porcelain plating of the White sect of Phyrexia, right? I mean you would really have to hit them in an unplated region and even then, knowing how bizarrely Phyrexians fiddle with biology, that might not even be enough.
>>47152995
Burned face doesn't necessarily mean death. You just get to become a movie monster.
>>47153035
> porcelain
My foot can shatter a toilet. It won't stop a bullet.
Also, being the fact that they are bio-mechanical beings, armor-piercing is a thing.
>>47153179
It's not porcelain. It's just referred to euphemistically as porcelain. It's a bizarre substance which only binds to dead flesh.
Also, don't forget Phyrexia is literally magical and Elesh Norn is not only the leader of the white faction, which has tons of protection and damage nullification magics, but is also shown with the capability to fire HER OWN projectiles back.
>>47153179
And once people become corrupted, so will phyrexia.
>>47153199
And not going to stop a bullet to the face.
>>47154089
I would be very surprised if it couldn't. And don't forget defensive magics that nullify damage - even by creating physical, magical barriers.
>>47154144
You do realize that bullets would be considered artifacts. And what Phyrexian has protection from artifacts?
>>47154481
Sure. That wouldn't be difficult either. There are only about a trillion ways in which Phyrexia could magically nullify or circumvent Earth's pathetic defenses.
How would soldiers on earth deal with the terror tactics new phyrexia employees.
>>47156554
>new phyrexia employees
Offer them higher wages?
>>47143560Poison
>>47143560
Give in to libtards and start hiring for diversity quotas instead of pure competence.
>>47156574
Fuck autocorrect
Employs.
>>47150642
There is none anon
>>47155834
And at most there's under a hundred thousand New Phyrexians. Probably more like twenty thousand even if you include mostly mindless servitors.
The environment is also much, much, much less accepting of the Oil.
Mirrodin is tiny, and they don't have very fast travel.
They have no real communication that isn't mired in spooky politics.
The Oil is a serious lingering problem if it isn't contained, but the main forces of the New Phyrexians have few means of *sustained* effective resistance against a modern military attack.
They have no knowledge of the size of the world, or its capabilities - at least until they get a few converts, which they aren't going to do stealthily because their idea of stealth is "hollow out a corpse and pretend to be a real person while weeping oil and giggling like a bundle of rusting razorblades".
They aren't really subtle, and can't really lurk underground and build up strength, because there's no mana core and readily available metal to leech off.
If they emerged anywhere that wasn't an isolated wilderness, they'd cause a massive fuss straight away and that'd be the end for them.
Some of their heavy units would be a problem, but magic in Magic isn't all-powerful.
>>47160538
Right now there is a 50/50 that one of my players whose character is infected with glistening oil is going to fuck it into his waifu.
>>47145707
No mana = no magic.
Literally everything in MTG works the way it does because of mana. Take mana away and it doesn't work.
It'd be safe to guess that glistening oil is powered by black mana, so it would just be rendered into a harmless substance once it entered our world.
>>47160538
It probably wouldn't be too long before New Phyrexia rediscovers the technology to make newts, and even if they didn't they have Blighted Agents that could easily stealth through most areas that don't have some sort of government or corporate presence.
Assuming they had time, a few agents could begin sowing oil around junkyards, warehouses, and factories to begin slowly corrupting the equipment and the people who work there.
>>47160987
That just feels like a cop out to me which is why I wrote the question assuming it does work.
The suns will come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
All will be one!
Just thinkin' about
Phyresis
Clears away the doubt,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!
When I'm stuck in a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh
The suns will come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta flay on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I'll compleat ya
Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!
Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I'll compleat ya
Tomorrow!
It's only
A day
A way!
>>47156713
The Marines already have a diversity quota for down syndrome and they're pretty effective.
