Hello there, elegan/tg/entlemen!
Long time lurker and casual poster here. As we all know, this is the very best board in 4chan, and as such, I bring you an offering.
I've started writing a webcomic with a friend, based on the stories of the best campaign I've ever played. It was set in a homebrew world called simply "Abnor", which heavily relied on collaborative input from players that were free to create lands and cultures and loads of crazy shit. Our DM was very skilled at improvisation, and we had lots of fun with our light hearted game with no "that guys" or any drama at all. Well, being a three similarly minded men group, DM included, surely helped a lot in that respect, and I really wish every one of you may experience such a delightful game someday if you already haven't. Sometimes I wonder if traditional games aren't the ultimate way to create memories and make friendship bonds stronger...
So, as this project is a love letter to everything rpg related, I wanted to share it with you. I took some narrative liberties to make it a little more interesting in this new medium, but the spirit is the same of the original game. The DM of the campaing highly approves it, and I think it might be better than a simple greentext storytime.
You can read it at www.abnor.com.br, with a new page every monday, but I'll dump everything we have published so far. Thanks, /tg/, I really like you all!
Dumping 1/12
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>>47044123
Woops.
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>>47044064
Oh neat, I will definitely keep an eye on this.
>>47044064
This is pretty good.
Who did the drawing?
Dumping 10/12
>>47044326
Hey, please do!
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>>47044344
Dattan is the name of the artist, he's a friend I met on the internet a long time ago. We played together in another campaing set in the same world as this one. He's really good and gets ferociously better as the pages go on, I wish you could see it.
Dumping 12/12
... Aaaaand that's a wrap. Hey, thanks for your attention and I'll stick around so we can chat, just fire away your questions and shit. We're all friends, right?
The English is a lil' shaky in spots. From the .br I'll take it English isn't your first language?
Also, some of the action scenes are a little hard to read. Better choreography will make things a little clearer.
>>47044579
You're right, english isn't my first language, but some things are really hard to translate. I try to do it in a way that it retains the same rhythm and meaning, but I do know I'm not completely comfortable with the task yet. But I am getting better, I think... I hope, at least.
As for the action scenes, and the comics overall, we got a really shaky start as neither of us really knew what we were doing: me as a writer of comics and him as an illustrator of comics. I don't want to sound repetitive but we do get better at that too. Thanks for your input, it's really helpful and makes us try harder.
So far it's cool.
Thanks for sharing, OP.
>>47044756
I'd definitely recommend finding someone who speaks English natively if you're trying to put things out in English. Fans of niche things will put up with sometimes-stilted translations, but it's going to be hard to drum up support for your comic right off. I'd say consume English-language comics, and try and find stuff that's been professionally translated from Portuguese to English, and look at how they did it.Eu sei que traduzir pode ser dificil, mas no fim, vale a pena aprender.
>>47044968
Thanks, I'll have that in mind and try to brush up.No caso, você sempre pode ler em português mesmo, em que as piadas e diálogos funcionam melhor. Valeu!
>>47044064
Awesome comic OP.
>>47045199
I think that your English is quite good.
There's a couple of typos ("it it" instead of "if it" and "croovy" instead of "groovy") in page 4, by the way.
>>47045658
>>47045687
Thanks, you guys. It means a lot.
By the way, the "it it" typo was well spotted, but the term "croovy" is an abnorian slang that means... Cool and groovy, I guess. Thanks for pointing the first one out, I'll make sure to repair it!
>>47044064
>pizza with ketchup
What in the living fuck is this nonsense
I liked it OP, but I have a tendency to like Neanderthal like Iberians, and Tadeus hits all the buttons. Sanaa is cute too.
Great stuff.
>>47046062
brickwall pls go
>>47046361
Neanderthal-like iberan is a pretty good description for Tadeu, congrats. Thanks for the compliment!
This is actually pretty great. The art is phenomenal too!
Gordon Ramsey/10
>>47046029
I thought that croovy was a typo as well, but after the second and third time I realized what you were going for.
Good comic solid 9/10 so far.
>>47046062
My wife is from Rio, she does that everytime.
At least its not like my ex, who used to break the pasta in half before boiling it.
>>47044064
I approve of this
>>47044064
This is really nice. The tone reminds me of early Adventure Time, which is a huge compliment. I love how expressive the art is, if that makes any sense. Even if you took out the dialogue it would still tell a coherent story.
>>47045687
>>47046029
Yeah, your English is fine. Not perfect, but I never had stop and try to figure out what you were trying to say, and the humor comes through well, which is really fucking hard to do in a foreign language.
Would you like a proof reader? I could do it for you. It would hardly be any work at all.
>>47054376
Cariocas are well known offenders of gastronomic values, pizzawise. I feel you.
>>47054804
Croovy! That's really cool of you. How can I contact you?
>>47055149
>Croovy! That's really cool of you. How can I contact you?
Just sent you a message on Facebook
>>47044064
This is really really good!
The only criticism I have is that timeskips and flashbacks are not clearly delimited, which is a bit confusing sometimes.
>>47044064
This comic has a very fun character, I really like it.
I know some people have knocked the English, but there's something about the imperfection of the translation that lends itself well to fantasy.
>>47057862
The silly jokey nature of it did play well into the comic, too.
You got a website for this, OP?
>>47044269
What the hell this is incredible
croovy comic, op
keep it up
The weird engrish makes it better somehow. Great art though.
>>47044431
>>47044504
WORDS WORDS WORDS
Seriously though it's breddy gud man. Keep it up.
I had no expectations and was pleasantly surprised. Your english is fine, really. The artist is also really good.
>>47057501
Hey, thanks for your critique! Yep, I guess sometimes it does get a little confusing, but due to the nature of these comics - a single more or less self-containing page every week, not really meant for binge reading - I believe that's not too bad. Is it?
>>47057958
Sure, dude!
The website for Abnor is www.abnor.com.br! It's regularly updated with a new page on mondays, so check us out every once in awhile!
Thanks for the new reaction image broseph
I'll be checking out that comic whenever I can
Another thing I like about the comic is how you reuse art assets. Like in the comic where they threaten the elf king, his crying face is used three times. Now, most people would knock the comic for being "lazy", but I think it highlights that he's reverting to the same reaction. It's good use of repetition for humor.
>>47046062
This is insanely good, OP. Like, this beats the piss out of OotS or LFG. May even outpace Oglaf since the dip in quality over there. I bookmarked your site, I'll see you Monday.
>>47044504
Please tell me there is a site with all of this goodness somewhere.
>>47060238
>www.abnor.com.br
>>47058048
>>47058239
>>47058316
>>47058328
>>47058366
>>47058621
>>47058703
>>47059382
The guy who does the drawings here... Thanks anons, we're glad you guys are enjoying it. We were not sure on how the response would be, and we are happy it's this positive!
>>47060238
All this goodness is on abnor.com.br where we post a page every monday, and also we have a patreon with bonus comic strips every thursday for every patron. Pic related, it's the first panel of one of them
>>47062511
It's a great source of reaction images.
>>47062725
You could honestly just crop most two-panel gags right out of it for filename threads.
>>47044269
>mfw that last panel
>>47064870
OP here. By the way, that really happened!
>>47044364
Made a thing out of it.
Late to the thread.
The character design is great. If you have some character sketches to postso i can shamlessly steal themthat would be great
Pretty good OP, really enjoyed it.But what DOES a duck eat with soup?
>>47068530
Quackers.
>>47067400
1/2
I'll show you guys a couple of first draft artworks for the protagonists as a thank you for taking your time to read my comics. These are actually part of our rewards at patreon but what the hell, I love you guys.
>>47071121
2/2
And this is Sanaa. Her design changed a lot since then...
>>47068656
This comic is good. I liked the little detail with the spices actually being religiously important.
>>47044064
This is marvelous. You should be proud, OP.
Bless you and your artist, OP, added to my webcomics reading list, throwing it to a couple friends, following the social media accounts, etc.
66 posts in and nobody has mentioned how the precinct chief is literally Ron Swanson?
>>47074789
How did I not notice that?
>>47044756
Just for starters, in the second panel of the first page, the correct expression is "under his belt".
> websites 'read in English' option an American flag
Triggered
>>47044213
What the fuck is up with the head on that baby ?
>>47044968
Eh, speaking as a native english speaker that's done professional editing work...
...it has a certain charm to it as is. It feels more like something really from a make-believe world with make-believe languages that include slang that's close, but not quite, to proper english.
That might just me being patronizing, though, I guess.
>>47076496
I second this. The dialogue has a certain, rhythm, to it, I guess. It would be lost if you got somone to re-write it for you.
I've noticed this in a few other translated works and its one of those things that, when done well, can't be duplicated.
Also your English is fucking great, I honesty can't spot anything wrong with it even after two read-throughs.
>>47073065
It's based of someone's D&D campaign, so of course there'll be little details like that in there.
Still pretty fun.
>>47076034
But English was invented by the Americans...
>>47076584
I hate you more because I know it's a joke than I would if you were serious.
>>47044064
OH man, glad to see Brazil getting that sweet fantasy action. Where are you guys from? São Paulo here.
>>47044064
>"Yes, I enjoy [unusual thing] so just deal with it!"
Not really a joke unless you're on tumblr
>>47076529
There's a few.
>>47044165
Panel 4: "We tried dipomacy, but you said you didn't SPOKE our language."
->Should be "speak our language"
>>47044181
Panel 4. "Do you rather have justice..."
->Should be "Would you rather have justice..."
Panel 6. "You are miserly and chooses food over justice."
->Should be "and choose food over justice"
>>47044213
Third last panel
"Do you see that misterious structure that some..."
-> Mysterious is spelled with a y.
>>47044292
"do you rather have freedom than food?"
->should be "would you rather have freedom or food?"
I won't go through the rest, since it is 95% good, but just a couple of minor slips here and there. Mostly, it makes Sanaa sound foreign since she does 60% of the talking, so it's ok, though. But it's actually everyone.
There's one guy offering to be a proofreader so it's ok, though.
Yo, OP here!
>>47074789
Haha, busted!
>>47076034
Don't get too mad, anon, there's a conceptual reason for that. Abnor is a new world continent, somewhat mirroring the experience of former colonial countries like the USA and Brazil. That experience speaks closer to my heart and I thought it would be interesting to put it in the comics. That's one of the reasons the flags chosen are historical (the first USA flag and the brazilian empire flag) and also why neither of them represent the countries where the original language came from (english and portuguese).
>>47076692
Cool! I am from São Paulo too, but the artist is from Linhares - ES. We met only once in real life but we are good friends even though he likes his pizza with ketchup. Hey, make sure to read these comics in portuguese too!
>>47076708
That's part of the joke but I'm sorry it wasn't for you. Maybe the next one will appeal to you more?
>>47073065
>>47074371
>>47074518
To everyone else leaving awesome comments, thank you very much. It's really reassuring and makes me want to continue doing it even more.
As for the translation debacle, a fellow fa/tg/uy has offered his help to proof read the pages for us. I'm glad most of you didn't care too much about the mistakes I made and even found some charm in it, but I don't want to put off people who aren't so inclined. Thanks for all your input, you're all great!
Also lurking and enjoyed this very much.
thoroughly enjoying this comic OP, nicely done!
Welp, found a new favorite comic to add into the rotation. Great stuff, guys! Thanks for sharing!
Alright, I grinned several times. It's a little rough, but it's still good. Great Job OP.
Bookmarked.
>>47044269
This entire exchange had me grinning the whole time, it's just so childish but played completely straight. I like you and your style, anons!
Bumping to keep the thread alive. More people need to read this
>>47077899
>>47079736
>>47081739
>>47082057
>>47084130
>>47084423
>>47085752
Hey, OP here. Such warm reception is taking me by surprise, can't even believe the thread is still up. Thank you all!
Bumping so others can see.
> pic unrelated
