Your move, /tg/.
>>47043813
Deep strike!
>>47043813
What's the point? You'll use your mobile game powerups to wipe out all my pieces in one turn.
Rolled 1 (1d20)
>>47043813
I roll to seduce their king.
>>47043839
Squad Invictus in position Brother-Captain
>>47043813
>implying I can play chess
Probably Nf6.
Rolled 4, 3 = 7 (2d6)
>>47043813
Rabbit to e7
>>47043813
1st edition was better
>>47044315
>1st edition was better
Indeed. Second edition with all its fucking tower movement and whatever. Fuck that.
>>47044349
Eh? The towers moved in 1E; the difference between 1E and 2E is that the queen and bishop got powered up.
>>47044377
If this is what the "powered up" bishop looks like, I'd hate to see the 1E bishop. Could it only move one step or something?
>>47044377
>Eh? The towers moved in 1E; the difference between 1E and 2E is that the queen and bishop got powered up.
Take a closer look at that particular ruleset. The towers did not move in 1E. You are correct in the sense that in 2E, the queen and the bishop powered up.
>>47044349
This en passant crap is total bullshit. Fucking killed my local meta overnight.
>>47044377
Maybe he's counting chess's Indian predecessor as 1e, where the pieces that eventually became rooks could only move forward.
>>47044424
>This en passant crap is total bullshit. Fucking killed my local meta overnight.
It never ends does it? Chess has a lot to answer for. Fuck that game.
>>47043921
The King is repulsed by your seduction attempt and orders his guard captain to capture you.
>>47044473
>The King is repulsed by your seduction attempt and orders his guard captain to capture you.
The fuck? I would like to see the log for this. That sounds impossible.
Rolled 17 (1d20)
>>47044502
You think the guards move in single file? What kind of game do you think this is?
In any case, DEX save or be captured.
Rolled 8 (1d20)
>>47044473
I only prepared for seduction-based warfare. I have no other recourse but to attempt to fellate my way out.
>>47044473
The King is in danger! Send in the knights!
>>47044473
>poor little white king
>>47044653
classic bard behavior
>>47044633
>You think the guards move in single file? What kind of game do you think this is?
>In any case, DEX save or be captured.
Fuck me. What does our Queen say about this though? The opposing King apparently is "repulsed" by seduction attemps from a female.. What will she say to the UN?
>>47044688
> What will she say to the UN?
We need to resolve this combat encounter before moving onto the Diplomacy phase - we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
>>47044708
>We need to resolve this combat encounter before moving onto the Diplomacy phase - we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
It is no surprise that chess is to this day, the go-to wargame. What a system. It even incorporates diplomacy.
>>47044666
He is about to take BBK (Big Black Knight) from behind.
What does the greater chess country look like? Is there an alliance with the checkerslovakia and a rivalry with Backgammonia?
>>47044653
You are taken to a cell and imprisoned there. A short while later the door opens to reveal the Black Queen and the Archbishop of Darkwald. A glance outside shows you the Guard Captain and his Lieutenant waiting in the wings, along with a single, nervous looking soldier in royal regalia.
The Queen strides into the cell and tells you that you were a fool for thinking the Black King would fall for such an amateur attempt at seduction when he is already married to her. The haughty sneer on her face says everything about what she thinks of herself.
What do you do?
>>47044788
> checkerslovakia
kekoslovakia
>>47044788
Bordered on either side by Shogitopia and Gosylvania, with which it has uneasy truces that occasionally spill into border skirmishes.
Fuck me. Chess truly is serious business.:reads the ruleset again:
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>47044918
Seduce the queen.
Rolled 11 (1d20)
>>47044918
It was just a ruse to get closer to the Black Queen! Seduce!
>>47044918
>we're the white queen
l-lewd
>>47044788
>checkerslovakia
>>47045022
The Queen laughs in your face and insults your cleavage, saying that no man in their right mind would want a girl who looks like a boy as their bride, and that the White King must be a boylover, like the Goreeks to the south.
>>47044918
Remove my disguise as the true black queen and depose this deceiver
>>47045022
>Seduce the queen.
>>47045022
>It was just a ruse to get closer to the Black Queen! Seduce!
You can not just seduce the black queen. She has a boyfriend. Go over the ruleset again. This seduction will not work!
>>47045160
Which edition are we using?
>>47045022
Shit bard.
>>47045179
>Which edition are we using?
2nd. Towers can attack.
>>47045179
I'm using the new Deep Blue edition, just so the new players are more likely to know it.
>>47045189
>towers could attack in 2nd edition.
Elaborate please.
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>>47045160
I seduce the jail cell
>>47045179
>>47045189
>>47045203
What about this one?
Rolled 14 (1d20)
>>47044918
I request to speak to the black queen alone, as befits my station. Once her attendants leave the room tearfully explain that it was all a ruse to reach my true target, my beloved black queen.
When she's taken aback by the news, I show her my manacled hands, arch an eyebrow and ask if she's like to frisk her prisoner.
Rollin' to seduce.
>>47045226
Jail cells are not alive nor thinking...
Let's wait for GM.
>>47045211
>Elaborate please.
Why would I need to elaborate in this instance? 2nd, in common tongue, is known as Tower Attack (or TA). You should know this.
>>47045255
You don't know that.
>>47045263
Are we talking about dnd or that chess system posted above?
Wait guys, are we playing 1E, 2E, or 3E test packet?
>>47045226
>>47045255
Has the right of it. Jail cells are not viable targets for seduction, no matter how well you roll, man. We've been over this a dozen times now. Cells, doors and gazebos are not sentient, and before you ask, yes, the wizard can make them sentient, but he isn't here now, is he?
>>47045244
The Black Queen looks interested for a moment and motions for the Archbishop to leave, but the moment you begin your attempt anew she just laughs again, though there is a bit of genuine amusement to it now. She looks you over like a piece of meat, then tells you that you are almost manly enough for her, but that it would take a lot more than that for her to agree to anything.
She quirks an eyebrow as if in thought, but her eyes remain steadily upon your the whole time. She suggests that if you were to do her a favour, perhaps she could return it with some small, morsel of her attention. After all, you are her prisoner and she could, by all rights in the kingdom, do whatever she wanted to with you without breaking any law.
After a brief moment where she awaits your response, she tells you that the Guard Captain has some questionable qualities and that she would like him to become... less of a problem. If you were to help in that regard, she would see you moved into a room more becoming of a Queen.
>>47045483
Agree. Reveal the truth to the Guard Captain. Conspire with him to assasinate the Black Queen
This is fucking exciting. Chess 2nd edition... Kill me. SOMEBODY FUCKING KILL ME!
>>47045532
Roll me Persuasion.
Rolled 5 (1d42)
>>47045556
>>47045581
Do we get the bonus to social rolls against lower classes from our Royal background?
>>47045581
The Guard Captain looks at you like you're an idiot and then stations the lone soldier outside your cell, telling him not to listen to a word you say.
>>47045604
Not even those bonuses would save you from a roll that terrible. On a d42, even. Dicegods did not want you to pass that one.
Huh. Trip doesn't save from one post to the next. Interesting.
>>47045609
Seduction clearly doesn't work, so let's promise the guard lots of money for freeing us..
It has to be worst bard EVER.
>>47045652
In that case, roll me persuasion, with a +5 bonus from your noble backgroud.
>>47045581
>1d42
what the fucking is that fucking dice
>>47045652
>>47045670
With a d20, if you please.
Also, fuck. My spelling is just atrocious today.
Rolled 12 (1d20)
I roll to summom the dragon
>>47045652
>Seduction clearly doesn't work, so let's promise the guard lots of money for freeing us..
Sounds reasonable. I agree. That is our only choice. :reads promises in the 2nd edition ruleset:
Rolled 1 (1d20)
>>47045670
>>47045652
>Seduction clearly doesn't work, so let's promise the guard lots of money for freeing us..
Sounds reasonable. I agree. That is our only choice. :reads "promises" in the 2nd edition ruleset:
>>47045702
Oh shit
>>47045702
Dice are mean today. Roll to convince them to keep us prisoner, that should get us out.
Rolled 17 (1d20)
>>47045609
I silently seduce the soldier via handjob through the cell door.
>>47045702
WORST. BARD.
try >>47045740
Rolled 16 (1d20)
>>47045740
Let's try it.
>>47045695
You are a bard. Not a wizard.
>>47045702
What did you people do to deserve this? Seriously?
The lone soldier stares straight ahead even as you offer up a duchy for him to rule. As your attempts at bribery, coercion and finally threats die down, he breathes out a sigh of relief.
An hour or so passes with him remaining silent, though you occasionally hear him squirming in place. All at once, however, you hear him walk away from the door of your cell. You lurch over to the bars of the door and peer through, only to see the guard running bow legged along the corridor, hands pressed over his crotch.
You also see a hint of glinting metal on the floor. You push yourself up against the bars even further and managed to catch the narrowest glimpse of a set of brass keys attached to a ring. It looks to be just out of reach.
What do you do?
>>47045832
I will be honest.
I expected it.
>>47045836
>actually running Chess Quest
You mad bastard, I didn't think you would actually do it.
Rolled 9 (1d20)
>>47045836
Like I said, silent seduction via handjob.
Rolled 2, 3, 5 = 10 (3d6)
>>47045836
I ask my magical watchdog to get the keys for me.
What do you mean I have to actually mention that I summon my watchdog beforehand?
This is fucking exciting.
>>47045836
So, it has come to this.
I didn't want to use *that*, but it seems I have no other option.
My unarmed attack damage is 1d3. I break my finger to reduce it to 1d2. Then I use the Fairy Godmother perk to make one roll explode. Then I burn Fate point to reroll all 1's on a single roll. Then I attack the cell bars with my bare hands for effectively infinite damage.
>>47045879
Bit late there, mate.
>>47045889
>>47045960
Hey, did you guys try replacing the character sheet with that 1e build you brought to the first session again? I told you before the game started that we weren't using the no action summoning rules from 1e. Those were overpowered as shit and the major reason for Bardzilla.
Try again with the actual char sheet.
Just for that you can hear the sound of the soldier's footsteps coming back your way. You've got about 10 seconds to get those keys.
>>47045960
You're a fucking bard and a girl on top of that, you can't just oraoraoroaroaroaroo the cell bars.
>>47046077
Inorite. It's like herding fucking cats in heat here.
>>47046077
By RAW I can!
Rolled 2 (1d20)
>>47046065
Alright, I try to reach for the keys! I remind you that since I'm focused in erotic warfare I'm double-jointed and flexible like a drunk snake
>>47046121
Ugh. Fine. Just to keep the game going, I'll allow it this once.
The sheer force of your punch blasts the door forward, propelling it through the wall opposite you and through the next wall a dozen yards away. You see it eventually fall off past the horizon, somewhere in the direction of the sea. You recall distantly that your kingdom is somewhere in that direction before the sound of the guard sprinting towards you catches back up with you.
You've used up your Fairy Godmother perk for the day. What do you do?
Rolled 14 (1d20)
>>47046065
Ok, I make a grappling hook from my high heel shoe and a ribbon from my dress and get the keys with that.
Is it time for another riveting game of CASTLE HORSE already?
>>47046181
>Ok, I make a grappling hook from my high heel shoe and a ribbon from my dress and get the keys with that.
Sounds reasonable.
Jumanji!
>>47046180
RUN AWAY!
>>47046230
Roll sprint. You get a -2 for the high heels and dress too, remember.
>>47046181
But didn't you just punch the bars out the way?
Rolled 1232 (1d10067)
>>47046282
Ouch
Rolled 1 (1d20)
>>47046253
That female Royals get combat bonuses from heels and dresses is ridiculous and now it bites us in the ass.
>>47046282
>>47046304
Dice don't like us much, do they?
>>47046304
> another 1
Literally what the fuck
>>47046329
Maybe newmoot is fucking with us for not posting in quest board.
>>47046253
>Roll sprint. You get a -2 for the high heels and dress too, remember.
That doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
>>47046253
What if we rip the dress but in like a Natalie-Portman-in-the-Second-Bad-Star-Wars-Movie way where it just makes us sexier?
>>47046391
>It's -1
Oh well, we walk backwards in that case?
>>47046391
>chessquest
>doesn't make sense
Does anything?
>>47046304
>>47046391
It's fine stabbing someone with a stiletto heel, but I dare any one of you to run in them without snapping an ankle. Besides, you only get that bonus at the next level.
You run out of the cell in your heels, stumbling over the scattered pieces of stone and metal from your escape. To your left you see the soldier staring at you, the doorway and the new hole in the wall in disbelief and you use the opportunity to leap out of the hole.
It's only when you hear the tearing of fabric that you notice the ruined remains of a candelabra clinging to the debris. You land outside and steady yourself, then feel the silk dress you're wearing fall down around your ankles. A look down reveals that your corset and bloomers are now on show for everyone to see.
You hear a muffled curse from behind you and see the soldier attempting to clamber over the rubble. He pauses for a second as he sees you and blushes a deep scarlet, then resumes his climb.
What do you do?
>>47046446
>Oh well, we walk backwards in that case?
Well, who should I believe? Just now it was -2, and all of a sudden it is -1?! How do you want it? And where are we looking in the rulebook anyways?
>>47046480
1 - 2 = -1, isn't it?
>>47046506
>1 - 2 = -1, isn't it?
It is. This game is killing me.
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>>47046464
Bardic knowlege on the floorplan of this place
>>47046464
Wink, then resume running.
>>47046464
Fight him off I guess. Let's put those combat bonuses to use for once.
I'm pretty sure this soldier also has a penalty due to our condition. Lad can't fight if he's too embarrassed for us.
Rolled 9 (1d20)
>>47046464
I roll to seduce
>>47046531
>Bardic knowlege on the floorplan of this place
Not a bad roll that. But, what are you even hoping to obtain?! I sense desperation.
>>47046552
It never works man
>>47046552
>I roll to seduce
It won't work.
>>47046556
I want to know where to run, of course.
Rolled 9 (1d20)
>>47046583
>It won't work
I roll to seduceyou
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>>47046536
Screwed up my roll.
>>47046601
We warned you about seduction man. We told you dog.
>>47046591
>I want to know where to run, of course.
Not bad, not bad. I get where you are coming from. Let's see what the black queen has to say about it.
>>47046531
Woo! Enjoy your sole good roll for the campaign!
You take a moment to gather your bearing and realise you were being held near the west wing of the palace, in a small, separate building artfully hidden from view by a hedge maze and a large, decorative fountain. The palace wall is to the rear of the building and skirts around you for a great distance, numerous towers marking strategically important points.
The soldier has almost finished climbing over the rubble. You have mere seconds before he reaches you.
WHAT. DO. YOU. DO?
Rolled 15 (1d20)
>>47046626
SEDUCE
>>47046601
Ah, the Cryprian defense. A classic.
Rolled 18 (1d20)
>>47046626
No pants seduction dance.
>>47046703
>Ah, the Cryprian defense. A classic.
Seems like it indeed. A chess classic. Let's see what the black queen has up her sleeve.
>>47046715
>No pants seduction dance.
Dear lord. 18?! Fuck me. That is just insane.
>>47046715
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP5BXlPhy8Y
Can't stop this train, baby.
>>47046715
...But we're wearing a dress.
>>47046767
>>47046464
Not any more.
>>47046767
The dress fell off. Apparently this pleased the dice gods enough for them to bless us.
>>47046767
>...But we're wearing a dress.
That is uncertain. Remember this part?
>>47046391
>>Roll sprint. You get a -2 for the high heels and dress too, remember.
>That doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
>>47046676
>>47046715
At fucking last.
>>47046676
>>47046715
Dear Lord. I suppose it was bound to happen eventually.
You survey the scene for another moment before turning around and winking at the guard as he finally clears the mound of stone. He slows as he reaches you and you give him a sultry grin. His blush returns at full force and he stammers a few words that you suspect are meant to mean you're under arrest.
Your hips sway from side to side as he stands in stupefied awe, his eyes darting between the pale skin of your cleavage and your hips. You raise your hands and circle them around his neck, breathing seductive words into his ear as you draw yourself close. His hands are shaking as they work their way around your waist.
You lower one hand, brushing down his neck and the thick fabric between the armoured plates and down to his belt. You look him in the eye as you tug at his belt only to see him shudder in place, his eyes almost rolling back into his head. He stumbled back and falls to sit on the grass, a stupid grin on his face.
>>47046826
Ah, my mistake. Dress is gone. High heels remain.
>>47046840
>At fucking last.
There is a big difference between no-pants-seduction-dance and SEDUCTION. Big difference.
Let's see what the black queen has to say.
>>47046767
What part of 'no pants' do you not understand?
>>47046908
>>47046908
>Let's see what the black queen has to say.
I don't know what black queen has to talk here, she probably went off to have sexual intercourse with melanin-rich husband.
>>47046899
>Ah, my mistake. Dress is gone. High heels remain.
It just got personal. Let's get her!
Rolled 10 (1d20)
>>47046899
Disguise ourselves with his clothes.
>>47046966
Are you absolutely sure you want to do that. They may be a bit... sticky.
>>47046966
>Disguise ourselves with his clothes.
Brilliant idea! She will notice fuck all!
>>47046899Now THAT'S what I call a Queen's gambit.
>>47046981
The more abhorrent our clothes are, the less closely we will be examined.
I can barely wait. What will happen?!
>>47046966
>>47046990
Okay, I guess you're going for it.
The guard is more than willing to divest himself of his clothes at your prompting, practically ripping them off in his haste. As he tugs his linen shirt over his now un-helmeted head, revealing a surprising amount of muscle at the same time, he doesn't notice you pick up a rock and bash him in the skull. He drops to the ground in a heap and you quickly gather up his clothing.
It doesn't take long to put on the man's clothing, though you have to stab a new hole in the belt with your stiletto to keep the pants up. This has the unfortunate consequence of pressing the course cloth up against your bloomers and you feel a rapidly growing wet patch against your skin.
His armour proves to be even more of a problem, however, as it visibly falls far below your waistline. It should do for a casual glimpse from afar, but will likely fall apart under any kind of intense scrutiny.
You look at his boots, which are several sizes too big for you, then at your high heels, which are an important part of your fighting style. It is as you are deliberating over this choice that you hear the sound of shouting coming from within the building. The other guards must have finally found the source of the noise and have come to investigate.
You have time to choose what footwear to use and a direction to run in, if you choose to run.
Rolled 16 (1d20)
>>47047202
Put on stilettos then put on boots on top of them.
Rolling for whatever.
>>47047242
>Put on stilettos then put on boots on top of them.
Sounds reasonable. What are we looking to do with those stilettos though?
>>47047202
>>47047242
Walk confidently towards the closest stairs to the walltop.
>>47047276
>Walk confidently towards the closest stairs to the walltop.
Can't argue that!
>>47047268
Stab the heels through the boots so we have stiletto boots.
>>47047320
>Stab the heels through the boots so we have stiletto boots.
You're right. Not even the Black Queen should be able to oppose that. Interesting... I do wonder what she has up her sleeve.
Rolled 11 (1d20)
>>47047242
>>47047276
>>47047320
Combining these three.
You take a brief moment to thread your foot into the boots, then stab your heel down in a manner you've practiced dozens of times. The specially designed blade punches straight through the thick sole and a quick inspection shows at least an inch of it sticking through. Satisfied, you get to your feet and march confidently towards the nearest watchtower.
>>47047368
You round the corner of the building before any guards manage to make their way out of the hole and into the gardens.
It doesn't take long for you to reach the watchtower, but as you are about to reach for the door handle you hear a bell begin to ring in the building behind you. It is followed by several others all around the palace and you hear the sounds of shouts and shuffling feet inside.
The door is wrenched open and you are faced with a very surprised looking guard who gives you a very confused look up and down before demanding to know what you're doing.
What do you do?
>>47047441
Reply that the White Queen cast a magical plague on us, then escaped and is currently making her way to the Black King's room to assassinate him.
Cough a few times for verisimilitude.
Rolled 20 (1d20)
>>47047441
Chide him for speaking so brusquely to a foreign diplomat, and then stomp his foot and run.
>>47047560
The guard looks at you for a moment, obviously stunned, then tells you he does care if you're the White Queen herself, he's going to arrest you anyway. You choose that moment to stomp on his foot, driving the stiletto directly through his boot and into his flesh. He shouts in anger and pain, and falls back on his ass. You swing your boot around and deliver a decisive kick to his helmet, the blow knocking him out.
>Okay folks, my laptop battery is about to die and that's the limit I called for myself on this little quest. We'll call this end of session and I'll pick it up another time. I'll be posting on the new /qst/ board for the most part, but I'll stick a reminder in any chess threads that show up when I'm running them. It's been fun.
>>47047560
Oh wow. I'm the same anon who rolled our no pants dance. The dice must really love me.
> this fucking thread
This is the greatest thing ever created by man. Batteries be damned!
>>47047722
Gotta admit, this isn't what I pictured doing with my evening when I joined this thread.
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>>47047787
I want to mount a pawnular offensive to the left side of the board. They are weakest on that side.
>>47045235
