Your name is JACK NOIR.
After escaping from a hellish prison facility filled with ROBOTS AND PUZZLES, you are finally on the OUTSIDE.
The outside being a CRAMPED ALLEYWAY.
Glass litters the ground thanks to the DOUBLE DOORS you just SMASHED, and SUNLIGHT gleams from the ROOFTOPS far above.
What will you do?
Your INVENTORY:
>BADASS EYEPATCH
>ROBOTIC ARM STUB equipped with METAL FIST
>1x MAKESHIFT SHIV (glass)
>1x MAKESHIFT SHIV (metal)
>3x BLOODY FLUFF MOUNDS (flammable)
>2x TOOTH HALVES
>2x MEDIUM SCRAP PIECES
>1x BROKEN GLASS PIECE
OLD THREAD: >>46821274
>Jack Noir is a character from the webcomic Homestuck, which I highly recommend. Knowledge of the comic is not required to play!
>>46844074
>Jack: Glide shard of glass against your shaft and masturbate furiously
>>46844112
Almost there... almost...
DRAT! Your ARM STUB fails to reach your SHAFT. Foiled again by your DISABILITY.
>>46844146
Tie glass shards to fist for claws then use those to climb to the rooftops.
>>46844490
Using your newfound METAL SHIV you slice off a bit of your BADASS EYEPATCH, then use the fabric and some glass shards to create some CLAWS OF QUICK ASCENT.
You leap onto the NEARBY WALL, glass claws at the ready, but they break against the concrete and you fall into a BUNCH OF TRASHCANS.
>>46844624
Rifle through trashcans for something to eat.
>>46844703
You open up some of the trash cans on the hunt for EDIBLE TREASURES.
You find a number of SMELLY TAKEOUT BOXES, an OLD WALLET, a TOOTHBRUSH and a ROTTEN YELLOW FRUIT SHAPED LIKE THE MOON.
>>46844772
take the OLD WALLET, the TOOTHBRUSH and the peel off that ROTTEN YELLOW FRUIT SHAPED LIKE THE MOON.
Look through the OLD WALLET.
>>46844074
The real one ended so poorly you made a new one, eh?
Godspeed, newhussie. May you be less of a hack the first one was.
>>46844833
You take the TOOTHBRUSH, and peel the skin from the ROTTEN YELLOW FRUIT.
It is, unsurprisingly, ROTTEN AND NASTY. You throw it against the wall, where it EXPLODES.
You rifle through the OLD WALLET and find a TWO DOLLAR BILL. You didn't even know these existed. Maybe it will be worth something someday?
You take the OLD WALLET.
>>46844906
Examine TWO DOLLAR BILL to see whose ugly mug is on it.
>>46844938
You have no idea who this is.
>>46844994
Alright, move to the other end of the CRAMPED ALLEYWAY and keep a sharp eye out.
>>46845068
You walk through the CRAMPED ALLEYWAY, passing by all sorts of URBAN ART, until you reach the end, where you are assaulted by BRIGHT LIGHTS.
In your daze a CIVILIAN skates by and stops to ogle at you.
>>46845106
Ask what this rubber necker thinks he's lookin' at.
>>46845173
You DEMAND TO KNOW who the CIVILIAN thinks he's ogling, brandishing your TOOTHBRUSH. It begins to VIBRATE.
The CIVILIAN panics and starts skating away hurriedly, leaving you alone at the end of the CRAMPED ALLEY.
>>46845248
Examine URBAN ART for clues as to whose territory your in.
>>46845364
You examine the URBAN ART.
You can't decipher this for shit. It just looks like a bunch of RIGHT ANGLES and ASSORTED BODY PARTS, which for you is nothing new.
You see something about a "DUDE" but that's all you can find.
>>46845464
Regard fond memories of ASSORTED BODY PARTS.
Deconstruct the OLD WALLET for LEATHER.
>>46845853
You take a moment to FONDLY REGARD some past SEVERED LIMBS you have come across in your travels, both those you have FOUND and those you have INFLICTED YOURSELF.
You are having so much fun!
>>46845942
You SLICE the OLD WALLET with your METAL SHANK to create 2x LEATHER STRIPS.
>>46846080
Make a new even more badass eye patch with the LEATHER STRIPS.
>>46846080
Okay, you think you are QUITE SATISFIED now. Maybe you should get a move on.
>>46846427
Examine surrounding all casual like.
>>46846411
You create an EVEN MORE BADASS EYEPATCH.
You deposit the WHITE FABRIC back into your INVENTORY.
>>46846427
Use blood from BLOODY FLUFF MOUNDS to deface URBAN ART.
>>46846637
You head outside to survey things.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeKq7vseMSE
You are DAZZLED by an array of FLASHING NEON LIGHTS under an ORANGE SKY, the streets adorned with STRANGE SYMBOLS. Civilians wearing all sorts of STRANGE FASHION come and go and you are immediately swallowed into the crowd.
Judging by the VARIOUS ODORS you appear to be in some sort of MARKET DISTRICT.
>>46846668
You duck back into the ALLEYWAY one last time to smear your OLD BLOOD over the URBAN ART.
Much improved.
You mosey back into the THRONG.
>>46846723
Get dressed you fucking pervert.
>>46846782
Oh right, CLOTHES. Those exist. You bump past a few GAWKERS towards the closest BRIGHT OBNOXIOUS STORE with mannequins in front of it, then head on in.
The SHOPKEEP greets you with a "Suh dude?"
What are you looking to buy?
>>46846651
Sweet.
>>46846723
Inquire into the location of the local tailor to acquire a suit.
>>46846825
Only the greatest of fashion shall adorn our carapace. But this doesn't look like a tailor so get a nice button-down shirt, some black slack and shiny black shoes.
>>46846825
Grab some shit and throw it on. Don't bother paying.
>>46846852
You inquire about purchasing a nice BUTTON-DOWN SHIRT.
The shopkeep looks at you funny. Sorry bruh, no can do, but check out this rack of the latest merch if you want the tightest shitz, bitch. He gestures over to a variety of shirts.
They seem to all be various COLORS and sport RANDOM WORDS on them.
>DUDE
>HELP
>CAT
>MOM
You inquire about SHINY BLACK SHOES.
He presents you with a number of SNEAKERS.
>>46846890
What SHIT will you GRAB?
>>46846906
The Help shirt and the first pair of sneakers you see.
>>46846906
The RADDEST SHIT in the CLOTHING ABORTION PILE.
You don't even care.
>>46846906
Stab him for calling you a bitch.
>>46844074
Did you get board after finishing homestuck? Is this how you use your free time now Andrew?
>>46847109
Man I hope this is the Huss. This kind of shenanigans is what got me into Homestuck.
>>46846948
>>46846988
You grab some of the RADDEST SHIT you can find, and by that you mean the shirt on top of the pile and the first pair of sneakers you can get your mitts on.
Oddly enough you end up PARTIALLY COORDINATED. Victory?
>>46847045
You sock the SHOPKEEP in the jaw, and when he's KO'd on the FLOOR you stab him for calling you a bitch.
You hustle back into the crowd before someone calls the cops.
>>46847174
Search for FOOD.
Begin the secondary quest for better KNIVES and a gang of WELL SKILLED INDIVIDUALS to commit CRIMES and DRINK with.
>>46847174
Find a dollar store an get a small, easily concealed knife along with something you can pick locks with.
>>46847174
Check status. How full are your HP, stamina, stab and shame meters?
>>46847218
You find a FOOD TRUCK, from which spills a SUCCULENT ODOR.
The shopkeep gestures for you to GET YOUR NOODLE ON.
Would you like to buy some NOODLES?
>>46847244
[SECONDARY QUEST LOGGED!]
[SQ: Find KNIVES and GANG]
>>46847355
Get your noodle on.
>>46847355
buy OODLES of NOODLES
>>46847355
Get noodles, play in stabs.
You only have large denominations, so he will either need to make change or accept donations.
>>46847355
==> Get them noodles in yo' belly.
Ask if your TWO DOLLAR BILL is an acceptable form of payment for NOODLES.
>>46847375
We have like, two dollars.
>>46847389
Hustle him. "Hey, this is a nice noodle stand. Shame if something were to happen to it."
>>46847354
You check your STATUSES.
HP: FULL
STAMINA: HUNGER
STAB: FULFILLED
SHAME: HIGH
>>46847375
>>46847388
>>46847403
You GET YOUR NOODLE ON.
The shopkeep ladles you a HEAPING BOWLFUL. You sit on a stool and begin to scarf it down as the shopkeep looks on.
>>46847408
When you are FINISHED the shopkeep asks to be paid. You wave the TWO DOLLAR BILL at him; he blinks and then nods, gesturing for you to enter the FOOD TRUCK with him.
>>46847451
Cautiously enter. Be ready to show him your stabs if he tries anything funny.
>>46847451
Stab him as soon as your out of sight from the street.
>>46847535
You ENTER CAUTIOUSLY.
The FOOD TRUCK is cramped. The shopkeep rummages around in what you assume is where the money is kept.
He turns around and hands you an ENVELOPE.
He then tells you to read it only when you're sure NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. He emphasizes this so strongly its capitalized.
He then sighs. He says you also have to stab him. He points forlornly to his middle. He says not to worry, he won't yell, and if he does you can whack him with the nearby frying pan.
>>46847603
Easiest decision of the night. Stab him.
If donuts come to dollars. Rob the place the only way you know how. We need the money for KNIVES and CLOTH COVERINGS that do not induce vomiting.
>>46847603
That's bullshit. Punch him in the snout and take a hit to your stab meter.
>>46847603
Hit him with the frying pan till he stops being a solid.
>>46847624
>>46847653
Your INDECISION TO CHOOSE causes you to PUNCH him with your SHANK. It buries itself within his SNOUT.
He yells out in pain and asks you WHY.
>>46847678
You answer by braining him with the FRYING PAN.
You reduce his head into LIQUID, then retrieve your shank after wiping it on his apron.
>>46847631
You step over the BODY and search around. You find a SMALL LOCKBOX that is, unfortunately, LOCKED.
>>46847736
Take lockbox, remove any shopkeeper liquids on your body, then vacate the truck like it ain't no thang.
>>46847736
Equip SPICY BLOODY APRON.
>>46847736
Reclaim your TWO DOLLAR BILL
>>46847774
>>46847800
>>46847801
You take the LOCKBOX.
You got a bit of blood on your GARISH SHOES, but wipe them off on the APRON. You deposit the apron in your inventory as to remove the evidence.
You find your beloved TWO DOLLAR BILL on the counter and swipe that back too.
Hopping out of the food truck, you slam the door shut behind you and head into the CROWD, where you immediately bump into a......
Uh.....
It asks you how you are doing tonight, citizen.
>>46847851
FUCK THE POLICE
>>46847851
Glare sullenly.
Determine if you need to fill stab gauge.
>>46847851
pretend to be the business owner
>>46847851
Nod then say fine in a way that implies that you are over worked and have had enough of today and just want to go home to your nice EZ chair, crack open a beer and watch the game.
>>46847889
Your STAB GAUGE is QUITE FULL, though it has NO MAXIMUM CAPACITY!
>>46847868
>>46847912
You, JACK NOIR, ain't nothin' to fuck with, so you glare sullenly at the COP and tell him to MIND HIS OWN BUSINESS. You just finished closing up YOURS. You thumb back at the NOODLE TRUCK.
It looks over, then back at you. It blinks.
It then tells you to have a pleasant ENDLESS EVENING, citizen, then trots off.
>>46848005
Check out the ENVELOPE.
>>46848005
... well alright. Find the nearest utility store so we can get the appropriate tool to unlock this box.
>>46848005
A PRIMARY QUEST has been activated!
[PQ: Find PLACE to open ENVELOPE]
>>46848159
Fuck that guy's pushyness. Open it here and now.
>>46848157
From your memory its just a BLANK ENVELOPE. You don't pull it out to investigate. Someone must be watching.
>>46848158
You head to a store with GARISH SYMBOLS FLASHING, aka ALL OF THEM, though this one has a NEON HAMMER on it.
The shopkeep greets you and asks what you're looking for.
>>46848192
Before you can answer your IMPATIENCE gets the better of you. You rip open the envelope and find a small slip of paper that reads as follows.
The shopkeep blinks in confusion.
>>46848234
Wonder why this was supposed to be so damn clandestrine. Then ask the shopkeep if there are any lockpicking kits in the store.
>>46848298
You crumple up the NOTE and SWISH it into the nearest trash can. Nothing but net.
You then turn to the shopkeep and inquire for LOCKPICKING KITS. She says sure, she's got just the thing hon . After complimenting your SHIRT she digs around under the counter and procures a KIT, claiming it will be FIVE DOLLARS.
[PQ changed to: Find CLUB A13]
>>46848377
Attempt to haggle.
>>46848377
Ask her to show you her fine assortment of [insert some item in not behind the counter or in view of the door] then stab her.
To death.
>>46848393
She laughs. What does this look like, the CORRIDOR? She's trying to run a respectable business here, so it'll be FIVE DOLLARS.
>>46848427
You stroke your chin and feign interest in the CANS OF SOME SHIT in the corner, asking if she has a step stool or something.
She is happy to ASSIST, so as she reaches for a CAN you stab her in the head.
Till she's dead.
>>46848470
Grab the lockpicking kit. Also raid the cash register on your way out.
>>46848470
Take the KIT, a hammer, some rope, then light the place on fire if there is any flammable chemicals and a lighter. Also take a lighter.
>>46848492
You hit the register, finding SIXTY-FOUR DOLLARS! You add it to your TOTAL CASH, now SIXTY-SIX.
You take the LOCKPICKING KIT and the LOCKBOX.
>>46848507
You scrounge around the store after changing the sign on the door to CLOSED.
You find a HAMMER, but no CHEMICALS, ROPE or a LIGHTER. At least she delivered on the hammer.
You take the HAMMER.
>>46848558
Exit and start searching for CLUB A13.
>>46848558
No lighters? That's like regulation counter top merch. Oh well.
Quickly look for cameras, both security and disposable.
>>46848470
Take CANS OF SOME SHIT
>>46848596
Lucky for you, there seems to be an absence of SECURITY CAMERAS. Looks like this lady thought she wasn't going to get robbed any time soon. Or murdered.
>>46848617
You take the CAN OF SHIT.
It turns out to be BROWN PAINT. You were close! You take the BROWN PAINT.
>>46848581
You head outside without changing the sign on the door.
Once again part of the CROWD, you move forward past some busy bodies towards the nearest MAP KIOSK.
Welcome to the DISTRICT of UNIVERSAL DESIGN and ENGINEERNIG!
You seem to be located on MARKET ROW on the SECOND LEVEL, marked the ENTERTAINMENT SECTOR. The FIRST LEVEL seems to be mostly RESIDENTIAL, while the THIRD and FOURTH LEVELS seem to be for CLASSIFIED PERSONNEL ONLY.
You see nothing about a CLUB A13.
>>46848650
Look for a bar so you can get some info.
>>46848650
Begin shaking down random passers-by for INFORMATION.
>>46848685
You look for a BAR, and more specifically a SIGN WITH A DRINK ON IT.
Sucess. You seem to be figuring this CITY out. You enter the bar, which seems to be PRETTY DEAD.
The bartender asks what he can get you aniki.
>>46848732
INQUIRE about club A13
>>46848747
(Bar Ambiance)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8tSKDbKn2k
You INQUIRE about a CLUB A13.
Predictably, the bartender has heard about no such club. He begins to polish a number of PIMP GOBLETS.
>>46848782
This bartender is USELESS. Fill him with stabs and acquire his PIMP GOBLETS and LIQUOR.
>>46848782
Inspect the patrons to try and find possible gang members to recruit, then go to the bathroom and pick the lockbox
>>46848782
Get a shot of whiskey then ask him where a fellow can find some of the more underground hangouts. Pay him double for the whiskey.
Don't stab just yet.
>>46848815
Alternativly pay for pimp gobblet
>>46848815
You are FED UP with this bartender already. You lean over to FILL HIM WITH STABS but he has turned around. You kind of just stab the air like a lameass.
You recover quickly before he turns around so you don't look like a total dork.
>>46848831
You ask for a shot of WHISKEY. He blinks, then laughs, then says he's dry on the whiskey dog, but he'll hit you up with some good shit.
He fills a PIMP GOBLET with some FIZZY ORANGE LIQUID from the tap.
What the fuck?
>>46848821
While he does this you look about the bar.
It is RATHER EMPTY. A DERSITE sits by his lonesome, and a DARK FIGURE sits in the corner.
>>46848867
Hit up your fellow DERSITE first.
>>46848886
You walk over to the DERSITE, who is fiddling around on a device.
It's the ogler from earlier. He is startled to see you when he looks up.
>>46848903
Intimidate him into coughing up anything he knows about CLUB A13.
>>46848867
Don't drink the ORANGE LIQUID. For all you know it's poison, and after all the shit you've been through getting poisoned in some shitty bar isn't how you're gonna die.
>>46848922
You pull out the ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH, seeing as it had an effect before.
Your hypothesis is correct. He starts trembling. You ask him about a CLUB A13, of which he stammers he knows N-NOTHING ABOUT.
>>46848932
The bartender asks if you're gonna come get your drink. You tell him to shut up.
>>46849000
Utilize your SHEER FRUSTRATION to FLIP THE TABLE
>>46849000
Flip out and demand to know where you can get a real drink.
>>46849040
Getting tired of his BULLSHIT you FLIP THE BITCH. His goblet goes flying, spilling NEON GREEN LIQUID everywhere. The ogler recoils back in terror.
Someone watches from the corner.
>>46849000
Sqeeze bloody fluff clump blood into drink we neef to regain our blood
>>46849062
calm down a bit, jack, this guy's been hassled enough.
>>46849061
You head over to the counter and demand to know where you can get an actual drink in this town.
The bartender tells you to chillax brah.
>>46849125
You swipe the PIMP GOBLET, before filling it with your BLOOD from a BLOODY FLUFF MOUND. It mixes with the ORANGE LIQUID.
Maybe just a sip...
>>46849062
Storm up to the DARK FIGURE in the corner, and LOUDLY and RUDELY INQUIRE what in the ALMIGHTY FUCK he thinks HE'S doing, acting all mysterious and above it all in some dark corner like SOME KIND OF ASSHOLE.
>>46849164
Throw the drink in the bartenders face and glare at him.
>>46849167
You storm over to the corner to ask this BOZO what the big idea is lording all over the dark corner like he owns it.
You don't get a reply. Instead, an EYE opens in the darkness. It instantly DISAPPEARS.
>>46849183
In frustration you throw the MIXED DRINK in the bartender's face.
He keels over and PUKES.
>>46849201
FUCK IT, STAB INDISCRIMINATELY
>>46849258
You leap over the counter and stab this clown. He is now lying in a BLOOD/VOMIT 2x COMBO.
You stand up. The Dersite, incredibly, is still sitting in the same exact place, looking ready to relieve himself.
>>46849290
Stab the Dersite then ask the shadowy figure how he feels about being a witness.
>>46849290
STERNLY GLARE at the Dersite with INTENSE RESENTMENT and point firmly out the front door. Some guys just don't get when they're not wanted.
>>46849392
You tell the Dersite to TAKE A HIKE. He gladly begins to do so, making his way for the door.
>>46849382
However, your BLOODLUST causes you to STAB him as he makes his way outside.
He recoils, horrified and clutching his wound, before making a break into the street.
>>46849164
>Maybe just a sip...
>>46849415
LUNGE STABBILY at the dark corner where the SHADOWY ASSHOLE was last seen. You're really not in the mood to deal with any more of his shit right now.
>>46849505
You STABLUNGE at the DARK CORNER, pouncing ferociously!
You end up careening into an EMPTY TABLE and making a mess. Whoever was here is long gone.
>>46849415
Stab every thing stab self stab god
>>46849476
You SAVE this fanart SO FUCKING HARD.
>>46849545
Now that you're finally alone(?), slowly calm down, grab the closest thing to a proper alcoholic beverage this place has got, and claim this bar as your turf.
>>46849614
>>46849573
You attempt to CALM DOWN, namely by stabbing everything around you. TABLES, FOREIGN PLANTS and ACCUSATIONS OF HEATHEN GODS are all subject to your rage.
Finally calming down a bit, you decide to claim this BAR as your own. You hop over the counter and rummage around for something that ISN'T a neon color, and once satisfied pour yourself a shot.
It turns out to be DRAGONFRUIT POWERADE.
You begin to gag.
>>46849665
Rename bar as CLUB A13
>>46849606
aww, thanks, stabdad
>>46849721
You claim THIS BAR as CLUB A13. You ask if anyone here HAS A PROBLEM WITH THAT.
You turn to the BARTENDER'S CORPSE as you were speaking to him specifically.
The CORPSE is gone!
>>46849665
Search BARTENDER's corpse for a CELL PHONE or something. If none of these worthless punks knew what A13 is, maybe the internet does.
>>46849665
Take powerade outside and force feed to nearest RANDOM ASSHOLE while demanding to know where you can get some FUCKING DIRECTIONS while contemplating the level of APPROPRIATE STABBING needed dependent on RANDOM ASSHOLES response.
>>46849746
Check the BACKROOM to see if there's a rear exit or something to this place. Corpses don't usually go around disappearing without a good reason.
>>46849746
Shit, follow the blood trail.
Fuck you, I want some noodles now.
>>46849782
>>46849787
You search around for a back exit, and whilst doing so find a SMALL BLOOD/VOMIT TRAIL. It leads to a pair of doors in the backroom, and from the SMOKE underneath they appear to lead OUTSIDE.
>>46849749
You pocket the POWERADE in case you need to INTERROGATE SOMEONE.
>>46849813
Follow that trail. Be ready to stab.
>>46849813
Give chase, and curse the SHADOWY ASSHOLE. You don't know how, but you just KNOW this shit is his fault somehow.
>>46849813
Follow blood trail, prepare to STABTERROGATE RANDOM ASSHOLE if encountered
>>46849838
>>46849841
Cursing that SHADOWY ASSHOLE for FUCKING YOUR SHIT, you bust down the double doors.
You are now in an alleyway behind MARKET ROW. Smoke pours from grates in the ground. The BLOOD TRAIL leads to one of these GRATES, and then disappears.
>>46849871
attempt to pry open GRATE
>>46849915
There is no need, the GRATE opens rather easily.
Warm smoke billows from below.
>>46849944
Pick up a SMALL ROCK or CHIPPED PIECE OF CONCRETE and drop it down the hole to check it's depth.
>>46849990
The alley is UNNATURALLY CLEAN, so you resort to digging in the trash. You find a CAN OF BEANS, which you chuck down the hole.
It makes a SERIES OF CLANGS before a long period of silence. You speculate there must be a LADDER, or something similar, on the side of the HOLE, but at what height you can't wager.
>>46850038
There might be a ladder, there might not be. If the hole's full of smoke I imagine it won't be easy to find one way or another, not to mention how hard it's gonna be to track down the corpse in a sewer full of smoke. Even then, the guy whole stole the body is apparently fast enough and quiet enough to get away that quickly, so you might not even be able to catch up with him.
Return to the BAR to try and figure out more about where the hell you are and where you should be going.
>>46850038
Obviously, this is a trap. Time to FUCK this TRAP. LUNGESTAB all the way down this TRAP HOLE
>>46850038
>>46850230
Your mind battles against REASON and EMOTION, and REASON is whittled away like the lame candyass it is.
You DESCEND.I will see you guys later to continue Episode 3!
>>46850351
It's been fun
>>46850351
alright, see ya soonBy the way, do you have a schedule for when you start these threads? I keep showing up late. If you don't that's fine but if you do I'd like to know.
>>46850435
I usually start around 7 or 8 est, but I always post in the current Homestuck thread on /co/ whenever it is I do it.
