Your name is JACK NOIR.
You are currently engaged in a PUZZLE involving GIANT ROBOTS, LONG HALLWAYS and GARISHLY COLORED DOORS.
Puzzle Recap:
>There are two robots, one RED and one BLUE. Both can be climbed, and are following one another. Both have THREE LEVERS on their back; the RIGHT and LEFT lower and raise the robots' respective arms. The MIDDLE activates its PUNCHING MECHANISM, with one PUNCH per PULL. The BLUE ROBOT has its middle lever JAMMED, so it is CONTINUOUSLY PUNCHING. You have not found how to TURN the robots.
>There is also a BLUE AND RED DOOR with TWO FIST IMPRINTS, one fist per color. You don't know how to open it.
You are clinging to the back of the RED ROBOT while the BLUE ROBOT advances upon you, PUNCHING FURIOUSLY.
What will you do?
Inventory:
>BADASS EYEPATCH
>1x MAKESHIFT SHIV (glass)
>4x BLOODY FLUFF MOUNDS (flammable)
>2x TOOTH HALVES
OLD THREAD: >>46798173
>Jack Noir is a character from Homestuck, a web comic I highly recommend. Knowledge of the comic is not required to play!
>>46821274
>Jack: Masturbate furiously by humping the back of the red robot until you cum
>Use your FOOT to press the LEFT LEVER on the back of the RED ROBOT in order UPPERCUT the BLUE ROBOT's head.
>>46821830
Using your FOOT, you yank the LEFT LEVER to get the RED ROBOT into an UPPERCUT POSITION.
You watch as the LEFT ARM begins to raise, but the ROBOT continues to face the OPPOSITE DIRECTION! Goddamn lousy-
Suddenly the BLUE ROBOT careens into the hallway fbehind you. It begins to CHARGE!
>>46821938
>Jack: Hump the red robot and position yourself so that you jizz on the blue robot
>>46821984
In a PANIC, you tap into your SEXUAL FRUSTRATION to WRITHE LIKE A DEVIANT..
Your MANIA lets loose a SERIES OF WIRES.
The BLUE ROBOT is ADVANCING!
>>46822052
>Lower the LEFT LEVER on the back of the RED ROBOT and raise the RIGHT LEVER. Maybe this will get it to turn.
>>46821376
>>46821984
what le fug
>>46822350
You lower the LEFT LEVER while simultaneously raising the RIGHT LEVER.
The RED ROBOT moves its LEFT ARM down while raising its RIGHT ARM upwards, but it REFUSES TO TURN!
The BLUE ROBOT is now TWO LARGE STEPS AWAY. You can hear its PISTON PUNCH!
The RED ROBOT suddenly BEGINS TURNING to OPPOSITION, but does so RIDICULOUSLY SLOWLY. You seem to be due for a SEVERE POUNDING.
>>46822500
>Aw shit mang, JUMP from the RED ROBOT onto the lower section of the BLUE ROBOT, hastily scrambling onto its back to evade the SEVERE POUNDING.
>>46823129
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPWJbZ70FAU
Before you can get SMASHED INTO A FINE PASTE, you LAUNCH yourself back onto the ADVANCING ROBO. You smack into its chassis like a BUG ON A WINDSHIELD.
The RED ROBOT fares MUCH WORSE. Before it can complete a FULL TURN it receives a flurry of RAPID-FIRE PUNCHES, crunching into its INTERIOR as it begins to BUCKLE INWARDS. SPARKS and SCRAP METAL fly everywhere.
The BLUE ROBOT continues its ACCIDENTAL ONSLAUGHT.
>>46823396
Watch in child like glee
>>46823396
acquire SCRAP METAL for superior STABBING MATERIAL
>>46823461
You may be responsible for COUNTLESS ATROCITIES, but you have never BROKEN OUT OF JAIL and ignited a ROBOTIC BRAWL in the same day. This may be the BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE.
You continue to OBSERVE as the BLUE ROBOT utterly demolishes the DEFENSELESS RED, its limbs CRUNCHING BACKWARDS into its OWN BODY.
Finally, after minutes of CARNAGE, the RED ROBOT hunkers down, little more than a SCRAP HEAP. The BLUE ROBOT remains still.
>>46823526
Having your BEST INTERESTS in mind, you hop off the BLUE ROBOT and pick up a number of SCRAP PIECES.
You now have 3x MEDIUM SCRAP PIECES.
>>46823620
examine CORPSE of the RED ROBOT
perhaps there is some sort of DEVICE the BLUE ROBOT was following it for
>>46823846
You investigate the RED ROBOT.
It looks to be just a SMOLDERING LUMP. You walk around it in a circle giving it a good DRUBBING with your METAL FIST, just to be safe.
On your fourth DRUB a LARGE DENTED COMPARTMENT collapses outwards.
A LARGE RED FIST rolls out onto the floor.
>>46823941
equip LARGE RED FIST
>>46824000
You attempt to UNEQUIP your METAL HAND, but it WILL NOT BUDGE, no matter how much you NAW ON IT.
You examine the LARGE RED FIST. You flip it around to see if it has an ACCESS PORT.
You find this.
>>46824046
Throw RED FIST at the BLUE ROBOT in frustration.
>>46824090
Thoroughly FED UP with these MIND-GAMES you CHUCK the LARGE RED FIST at the BLUE ROBOT that has been standing by idly. It bounces off it with a CLANG.
The BLUE ROBOT studies you IMPARTIALLY.
>>46824166
run away from BLUE ROBOT
>>46824585
You make a MADCAP DASH away from the BLUE ROBOT before it can PISTON PUNCH you.
Looking OVER YOUR SHOULDER you see it seems to be doing FUCK-ALL. Its PUNCH MECHANISMS have CEASED.
>>46824661
Retrieve the LARGE RED FIST and give it to the BLUE ROBOT as an offer of cooperation.
>>46824825
You approach the BLUE ROBOT and PRESENT in the LARGE RED FIST in an attempt to win its COOPERATION.
The BLUE ROBOT simply STARES, before BEEPING numerous FREQUENCIES. A LARGE COMPARTMENT opens in its CHASSIS; a LARGE BLUE FIST tumbles out!
"YOU COULD'VE JUST ASKED. MORON."
Before you can RETORT, the BLUE ROBOT steps behind a WALL PANEL that SEALS SHUT behind it. You are left alone.
>>46825073
Examine LARGE BLUE FIST after expressing your frustration.
>>46825126
After SLANDERING the ROBOT and its ROBOT MOTHER whilst POUNDING THE WALL for a solid minute, you turn to the LARGE BLUE FIST.
It, similarly to the LARGE RED FIST, is lacking an ACCESS PORT!
>>46825235
Hold both fists and attempt to connect them in a dignified manner.
>>46825314
You hold aloft the LARGE MULTICOLORED FISTS, and attempt your best DIGNIFIED CONNECTION betwixt the two.
BUNP.
It looks less like a FIST BUMP and more like TWO ANTI-ALIASED PLANES COLLIDING.
Oh well.
>>46825429
Go back to the multicolored doors and fit them with their respectively colored fists.
>>46825529
You head back to the GARISHLY COLORED DOOR.
You insert the RED FIST into the INDENT on the RED SIDE. It attaches MAGNETICALLY. You do the same for the BLUE FIST.
The doors begin to HUM, then BEEP. On the fifth beep, MUSIC begins to play over some kind of HIDDEN SPEAKER.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13tnjh3dZw4
You proceed through to find ANOTHER GODDAMN HALLWAY, of which at the end are MORE GODDAMN STAIRS. These ones, however, go down at an ANGLE.
>>46825592
Proceed down the STAIRS, brandishing SCRAP PIECES.
>>46825592
Check for WARNINGS about the stairs before carefully descending.
>>46825694
>>46825674
Showing IMMENSE CAUTION, you check the STAIRS for anything that might HAMPER a successful DESCENT.
When you are pleased to see how RIDICULOUSLY SAFE these STAIRS seem to be, you brandish your SCRAP PIECES proceed to make your way down as CAREFULLY AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT ANY MISHAPS OR ANTICS.
You make it halfway down before an AIRHORN startles you and makes you tumble the rest of the way like a PIECE OF SHIT.
You are now at the BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS, A piece of SCRAP METAL is embedded in your LEFT FOOT.
You seem to be in a RECEPTION ROOM.
>>46825814
LOUDLY MOAN and demand to be taken HOME
>>46825814
Look for a RECEPTIONIST and threaten them with your SCRAP.
>>46825814
Examine your new surroundings after SWEARING PROFUSELY.
>>46825878
You MOAN like a WHALE and yell for SOMEONE to ESCORT YOU OFF THE PREMISES.
Nobody seems to be home.
>>46825883
>>46825892
You GLANCE ABOUT.
The room is COMPLETELY EMPTY, yet STERILE. Pictures of DISTRESSINGLY SCENIC VIEWS adorn the walls, and the chairs are comprised of DULL HUES. You see no one to THREATEN, a scenario that FRUSTRATES YOU.
>>46826001
Remove metal from foot, draw SOMEONE YOU HATE on the wall with your blood. Then threaten them with a SHIV FRENZY
>>46826001
take a DUMP out of FRUSTRATION
>>46826001
Drain the BLOOD from one of the BLOODY FLUFF MOUNDS and shove it in your foot hole after removing the metal.
>>46826051
After RIPPING the METAL from your RIGHT FOOT, you draw SOMEONE YOU HATE on the wall with your BLOOD.
You slash your GLASS SHANK at their MEMORY.
>>46826095
As much as you would love to SHIT ALL OVER THIS ROOM, you have not EATEN in a GOOD WHILE!
>>46826135
You drain a BLOODY FLUFF MOUND, squeezing your OLD BLOOD all over the CRAPPY CARPET. You then shove it into your FOOT HOLE.
You have lost one BLOODY FLUFF MOUND and gained a BLOODY PIECE OF SCRAP.
>>46826253
Time to LOOK FOR AN EXIT
>>46826296
The EXIT is RELATIVELY CLOSE. Down the hall there seems to be a pair of DOUBLE DOORS: this time, however, they are GLASS. You can see LIGHT shining through them.
You have a feeling you will NOT BE RETURNING to this WRETCHED HIVE of PUZZLES and ROBOTS. Are you ready to leave?
Your INVENTORY:
>BADASS EYEPATCH
>1x MAKESHIFT SHIV (glass)
>3x BLOODY FLUFF MOUNDS
>2x TOOTH HALVES
>2x MEDIUM SCRAP PIECES
>1X BLOODY SCRAP PIECE
>>46826415
Carve your GOODBYES[? Into the wall with bloody shard, leave it in the wall before you exit as a warning about your LACK OF PATIENCE with this nonsense.
>>46826415
DEFACE the SCENIC VIEWS before exiting.
>>46826415
Untie handle of MAKESHIFT SHIV, and make a METAL SHIV out of the MEDIUM SCRAP PIECE
>>46826541
>>46826544
You leave your MARK upon this PIECE OF SHIT. You hope WHOEVER'S WATCHING is getting the message.
>>46826668
You untie the handle on your MAKESHIFT GLASS SHIV, re-purposing it for a MAKESHIFT METAL SHIV.
You pocket the leftover GLASS SHARD.
Is it time to leave?
>>46826742
Exit PUZZLE HELL. Remain STYLISH and play some FITTING MUSIC in your head as you BLOW THIS POPSICLE STAND.
>>46826742
can we try and SMASH THE GLASS DOORS to gain an INORDINATE AMOUNT OF POTENTIAL SHIVS ?
>>46826808
>>46826845
You've had enough of this RIDICULOUSNESS. You amble towards the DOOR, tracking LOOSE BLOOD upon the CARPET.
Upon reaching the DOORS, through which BRIGHT LIGHT shines, you see a small INDEX CARD taped to it.
It reads
>"Don't screw this up."
Unfortunately, you plan to SCREW ALL OF THIS UP.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rm_9luiuIZE
You SMASH your METAL FIST through the GLASS DOORS, and LET YOURSELF OUT.
You walk out into the SUNLIGHT, and it ENGULFS YOU.
[END OF EPISODE 2]
[GAME............ SAVED!]
[LOAD CUTSCENE: Y/N]
Two figures stand illuminated in front of the wall of monitors. The first remains hunched over, typing away into a keyboard. The other stays standing, looking at the pictures in fascination. They hold their hands behind their back.
"How long did it take him to get out?"
The figure at the keyboard continues to type.
"It took him an hour. But not before blinding himself on the code scanner and ripping all his flesh off on one arm."
"Oh."
There is silence between the two. The standing figure rubs their thumbs together, nervously. On the monitors, Jack is investigating a large pile of what used to be a robot.
"Did you know that he could have skipped this part entirely if he just talked to the robots?"
The standing figure does a double take. They look at the typer incredulously.
"Did he?"
The typer looks over. "Of course not. He stabbed them."
The other figure sighs and rubs their face. "Are you trying to make me reconsider this? This sounds worse by the second!"
The sitting figure stops typing. They look up at their partner. "No, its alright. I expected just about all of this."
Jack is currently watching as the blue robot steps into the wall, whisked away deep within the facility.
"There's only so much a rat in a maze is going to do, especially when its a really angry, stabby rat that likes stabbing things."
The other figure sighs, and pushes up their glasses.
"The next part is the most important part. Lets just see how he does."
The monitors begin to beep. Jack is opening the colored doors. The seated figure whips around and begins typing. They look over.
"You should go. He's about to head outside."
The figure stands still, almost reconsidering, then shrugs their shoulders downwards. They squeeze the seated figure on the shoulder, then turn around and head off to the side.
"Hey, wait."
They stop in their tracks. They look back.
"Thank you Jane."
She exhales, mustering a small smile, before exiting.
[END OF TRANSMISSION]
Can't wait to start Episode 3! Don't worry, this one WILL release. Ha ha, ha;_;
See you guys then!
