Hear ye, hear ye. I hereby call to order this meeting of the most illustrious Mages Guild! So, hello everyone and welcome back, I know yesterday was a mess what with the rabbit kaiju rampage but it was a good learning experience all around, very interesting and we got to see redrobes turned into carrots and consumed, always funny. Anyway, It has come to my attention that several of our departments have potential apocalypses scheduled for different dates and times. Now, Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but the chronomancers have companied that it's making it difficult to figure out how far into the future they can steal funds from, and everyone knows they don't get tired when they start bitching about something. So, the departments that DO have apocalypses scheduled, you have to get together and hash out when exactly your apocalypses are scheduled for and which one it is going to be. And no, before anyone asks, 'flood the world with ALL the booze' is not an apocalypse anyone is allowed to plan. Ever again. Nor are the chainsawmancers allowed input on this decision. And please, this time, don't go around triggering them early to prove a point.Welcome to the Mages' Guild. Pick a name and join in! Conflicts are resolved with d20s when needed, or with playing it out. When the thread dies on /tg/, we keep it going on desustorage.org (Because 4plebs disabled Ghostposting.) For additional resources, please visit http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Mage%27s_guild
>>46820088
Is it that time already? I guess that I'll be spending my lab hours during the next few weeks everything-proofing all of the alchemy labs. The grad students make enough of a mess without everyone else's input, thank you very much.
>>46820088
Look, it's not OUR fault that the pyromancers are fucking with our inexorably advancing wall of ice. It'll get here when it gets here.
Does this include Zombie apocalypses?
>>46820088
I want everyone to know that, for once, I had nothing to do with yesterdays incident. I've heard some people talk about it, but if it was one of mine then I would take credit for it! I mean take blame, i would take the blame!
how about we just spread a rumor about a 2nd age civilization having a calender that ends and make them all think the world will end. and then it doesn't
>>46820088
. . .I don't have any such plans. Yet.
>>46820277
Give it up Quin, no one's buying.
As for the subject matter, the Geomancy department's contingency plan to kill everyone with falling rocks - one that I still have trouble believing exists at that - and it's not time sensitive.
>>46820316
Hasn't that been done already?
>>46820344
But it's true! I didn't make them, I've been framed! My own Rabbit Kaiju are still on the drawing board!
...forget I said anything.
>>46820319
How would you even trigger an apocalypse?
>>46820344
I'm scared to ask why you have that.
>>46820383
What would you make them out of, anyway?
>>46820383
no idea what you are talking about quin
>>46820400
Now, it wouldn't be a very good apocalypse if everyone figured out ways to stop it before it happened, would it?
But at this point and time I do no loath Aen enough to destroy it.
>>46820471
Hey Jill, how's it going?
>>46820400
Hey, in fairness it wasn't my idea, the old department head retired and that plan was the first thing I was made aware of, the second thing was how to deal with the sand that gets everywhere in the department.
I have no plans of using it but in the vein of being honest...yeah.
>>46820400
I'll admit, that's one of the reasons my plans are still on the drawing board, lack of usable raw materials.
>>46820471
I'm pretty sure it's been done before. The whole end of the calendar scare. Except last time it was a first age calendar.
>>46820492
I wish my department had a contingency plan like that. I mean, I would never be able to use it, but it sort of hurts not having one.
>>46820487
I suppose you have a point, there.
>>46820492
Department heads. Crazy, the lot of them.
>>46820515
Why is the person in charge of magical girls working on bunny monsters anyway?
>>46820530
I don't disagree with you.
>>46820515
...Now that's something that'll fester...
>>46820487
okay ish. not really sure why i came to this meeting.
>>46820515
fiddlesticks
>>46820530
I try to be right, because usually when I'm wrong someone dies or gets hurt.
>Takes out a tobacco leaf and starts chewing it
>>46820557
Well, do you have an apocalypse plan?
>>46820530
Because I'm one myself of course. It's not an official department project but a personal side project get some work done on from time to time. Usually when I'm bored out of my skull.
>>46820548
So, how is your department doing?
>>46820557
Yeah, sorry about that. Any other plans?
> there is a poof of green smoke
Haloo Everyone , I am back
With even more dead rats this time
>>46820548
You don't plan on going off the deep end being a department head, do you?
>>46820596
Quite the downer today, eh?
>>46820606
Oh. Fair enough, I suppose.
>>46820630
I believe you stole my job, may I have it back
>>46820627
Nice, got any that are still fresh? I'm hungry.
>>46820630
Don't worry, I'll probably warn everyone before I let them out once I have them. If I don't, it's because they broke out on their own accord.
>>46820627
Dead rats? We have quite enough live ones, thanks.
>>46820606
It's keeping steady, which is as best I could expect.
>>46820630
Gods I hope not.
>>46820627
Welcome back, where have you been?
>>46820664
What, there's only allowed to be one person teaching necromancy in the guild?
>>46820681
That's less comforting than you might think.
>>46820725
That'd be quite bad, I think.
>>46820627
And you are?
>>46820630
I guess.
>>46820685
"Mostly dead" rats...undead really , 70,000 of em
>>46820740
There should be only one, obviously I am the most qualified
>>46820727
I was Shacking up with the adventurers guild
But i have run out of money
>>46820742 I am "The most Illustrious and most Magnificent necromancer in the land"
>>46820685
Nonsense, there can never be enough rats.
>>46820725
That's what the job of department head is all about. You're not expected to conquer the world or anything after all, just keep things steady and you're doing great.
>>46820740
Really? I thought it would be a great comfort to know I would warn everyone so they could prepare themselves for my creations going wild. Also, I don't think I'll finish them for another couple of years.
>>46820747
Eeeewwwwwww! I can't eat that!
>>46820788
So you're back for a job then? Well, Drakk the Dreadmage got himself sealed in some crystal last week, you can have his job if you want.
>>46820740
Hence why I'm trying to avoid it.
>>46820802
I suppose. And it's easy given the subject matter - just keep things moving and most problems will solve themselves.
>>46820802
You don't eat them they eat you that's the point
>>46820849
Will I actually have to do anything, cause if so ... no.
>>46820788
. . .Were you an orphan that wasn't given an actual name? Or do you have a silly name like Sue?
>>46820788
Well, do you have a teaching degree?
>>46820802
Now that? That's a relief.
>>46820881
Yeah.
>>46820881
That's nice to hear, do you have time for any projects of your own?
>>46820885
Madness! That goes against the food chain! I'm the feline, and they are the rodents.
>>46820899
Glad to hear it!
>>46820957
I've got time for one, maybe, but nothing's really popping up.
...why, do you have something?
>>46820897
After much confusion I legally changed my name to "The most Illustrious and most Magnificent necromancer in the land"
>>46820899
No ... But If my name is any suggestion I am overqualified
>>46820957
Ne mere rodents my feline friend, I have treated them with alcohol and explosive runes
>>46820885
Yes, you would be expected to teach, once a week.
>>46820983
That's... sad.
>>46820998
Man who turned this place so lame, Last time I could just turn all my students into thralls and no one would say not to
>>46820983
You're most certainly a good necromancer. But can you teach?
>>46820957
Yeah...
>>46820983
>Ne mere rodents my feline friend, I have treated them with alcohol and explosive runes
Would you say you had steeped them? In brandy or suchlike?
>>46820978
I don't think so, mostly just curious how you're doing.
Wait, actually, I never did check out the cave of Source that Olissa's notes mentioned. You could check that if you are looking for something to do.
>>46820983
You monster! You fiend! You're seriously trying to kill me aren't you?
>>46821105
More like an 80 proof brine
>>46821049
I can teach one valuable lesson...Don't sign up for classes under a necromancer
>>46821126
Not you specifically , But unlike bullets that have your name on it, the rats have "to whom it may concern"
>>46821036
I don't care if you think I'm lame, someone need to make sure things gets done around here. And turning your entire class into thralls wasn't acceptable last time you were here either.
>>46821049
Speaking of students, how are the latest class doing?
>>46821184
That's... not quite the point.
>>46821192
Pretty good. None of them have made overt attempts to kill one another yet.
>>46821192
It only "wasn't acceptable" when I was caught, which I never was
>>46821184
Well, if you aren't after me specifically, then could you let me know what parts of the guild you plan to release these rats? I rather not have my head blown up, again.
>>46821252
That wouldn't be any fun now would it, Plus the 70,000 is only what i have on me right now, I've bred billions of exploding raths and put them in pocket dimensions all over the world
With the flick of my wrist humanity and life itself would be done for
>>46821230
Sounds like they might have promise then.
>>46821237
Hmm... I suppose you have a point. However, if you never have been caught, then you made a big mistake suggesting such an act.
>>46821356
Oh and what are you going to do , "teach me to death"
>>46821184
>More like an 80 proof brine
And so Old Ginger the whiskey-stealing cat continues to walk our corridors...
>>46821356
Yep.
Assuming they don't spontaneously get, you know, crazy
>>46820088
I decided to step out of the shadows and join for once. I believe this is one of my first council hearings since my appointment and as such.
Hello everyone.
But as for the topic at hand, we have no finite decision on what to implement in our apocalypse. But our timeline has us to believe that we think itll happen in the century after next.
>>46821384
No, I'm going to take you, and your creations before the tower of Wretched Crone in the Realm of the Dead. I'm going to chain you to the rocks at the edge of the river that flows through her domain, and then I'm going to leave you there until you have learned some respect for your elders.
I don't know what happened to you in the adventurer's guild that turned you into such a childish individual that you can't handle the concept of responsibility anymore.
>>46821463
One can always hope.
>>46821541
Then again, hoping an entire class stays as sane as my niece has proven a futile endeavor
>>46821541
You never knew me that well I assume, I'll have you know I've been A Childish Arrogant prick since I was born. I just learned to assert myself more
>>46821494
Sounds like you have plenty of time to figure out a more exact date that. Any idea what your apocalypse will be all about?
>>46821573
Hoping for that much is pointless.
>>46821598
So it would seem, a pity.
>>46821734
I know.
Shame.
Although recently she has been complaining about Vampire stalkers.
>>46821734
I have a man working in our research division when i got an idea from a song lyric that stated "Its raining men, hallelujah". He is in the works of seeing how viable that can be.
*A nearby wall collapses as a Mel-Taran is carried inside by a branch.*
Hello. May I speak to whichever of your number has been hunting done the local population of Ents, Wose, and Sprigians?
>>46821771
>raises an eyebrow
Vampire stalkers? As in more than one? What has she done to attract that kind of attention?
>>46821872
From how far up will they be raining down? Will they end up dead when they hit the ground or is the idea that they actually survive the experience? Because the idea of a corpse rain sounds quite intriguing.
>>46821906
I don't know.
Tina even sent her a dress.
Which, to be fair, does have a reinforced metal neck, but still.
>>46821901
Not me. I don't even like hunting.
>>46821906
Based on how many people it would affect, and the varrying ages and bone structure. I would prefer them dead from contact to the surface. So a corpse rain indeed.
The department of transmitaions is turning the world inside-out next year. This should't interfear with any other department plans.
>>46821901
It certainly wasn't me, I've been too busy to upset druids lately. As much as I would love to partake in such activities.
>>46821952
Well if more of them come after her then perhaps she should make sure she hasn't somehow found a way to attract them to herself. Such things could be dangerous in the long run.
>>46822019
Splendid, I'll be looking forward to it then.
>>46822040
Ill pass it down the department to reconfigure our trajectory paths. May luck be with you.
>>46821901
We will send some members of our scouting division to try and notice any goings on. Sorry for your losses fine sir!
>>46822040
Thank you for the warning, I should be able to plan my vacation accordingly.
>>46822042
I know.
Maybe I should get her more metal neckwear.
Back in my day we only had 3 spells a day and once they where used we could only stand in the back and lob darts
>>46822297
That would help against and attack, but it would be better to find the source of the problem. If she has acquired, anything that attracts vampires then she should probably get rid of it.
>>46822315
Times have changed Vance.
>>46822174
Hmm. Very well then. Make sure to deliver them to Great Pineapple tree in the nearby forest please. They'll make excellent subjects for my experiments in using recall magic to reverse time.
>>46822315
We've ad-Vance-d since then
>>46822396
Right, I'll have to check then.
It seemed to start just after she got home from her trip to Tenebrus, actually.
>>46822396
for the worst it seems. back in my day, people who wanted to change things where dragged over chrushed glass by fluumps
>>46822458
......i had not used all my spells for to day i would set you on fire for that pun
>>46822474
That's... troubling. I hope it's just coincidence, but if it isn't, then I want to know. And as soon as possible.
>>46822536
So you say, and yet change happened anyway.
>>46822565
Yeah. We've already got enough problems with possible curses.
>>46822594
Veilhex, if Obsidia found something in Tenebrus that attracts undead, then we need to know about it. If such a thing exists there than it's not just about Obsidia. So I really hope this is just some kind of coincidence.
>>46822718
I do too.
Knowing my luck it isn't but... I hope it is.
We also wish to inform memebers of the guild that even though the world will be inside-out, we are still holding our free annual fleshwarping party! This years theme will be human furniture. Please bring people you wish to see be part of our show as we are short on stock due to recent rabbit related events. Also Vance is not invited.
How do I contact the Janitorium? We've run it of magical toilet paper again.
in my day, there was only 3 schools of magic and we got along just fine!
>>46822766
Let me know how things go.
>>46822805
I'm still rebuilding my own stock sadly, or I would be contributing. I hope things go well anyway.
>>46822865
Out the door, and third tower on the right.
>>46822903
Only three schools of magic? Which ones were they?
>>46822805
I... Okay.
>>46822865
Usually you make a mess
>>46822914
I will.
Ahem, sorry to disturb, but has anyone's apprentices experienced night terrors, and/or dying in their sleep?
>>46822930
Pyromancy, Necromancy, and Witchcraft were the first three branches of magick. Does no one do any research anymore?
>>46823011
I failed history.
>>46822981
Speaking of random deaths, is there someone drawing random body outlines in the walkways? Ive noticed several in my last trajectory path walkthroughs. Seems conerning.
>>46822930
Ahhhh Cher Silverstone my faithfull apprentice... wait did you get killed by a mugger?
>>46822981
None of my girls have complained about such things. Is there a reason to worry about that right now? More so than normally at least.
>>46823083
...I got better.
^enters through a convenient hole in the wall^ May I ask which one of you rotten, misbegotten, dipshit fuckshits, is the one who raided my hoard of artisan sex toys? All of the tracers, divinations, and mirrors say whichever slimeborn assgalleon who did it is here.
>>46823094
Well, ahem, one of my colleagues was seduced by Darke Magick and, well, without getting too technical, there's a horrible, horrible nightmare beast prowling the shared dream realm.
>>46820088
Here's the coffee everyone.
>>46823136
How specifically here? Here in the room, or here in the guild?
>>46823155
Any idea when you'll have it caught again?
>>46823195
Thank you Mortimer!
>>46823011
What? No it was Blasty, Cheatly, and Pervy.
>>46823195
Thank you.
>>46823117
FANTASTIC! Now come here.
>>46823195
Fantastic timing, thank you!
>>46823250
What do you need?
>>46823212
>>46823254
>>46823241
Anyone need anything else?
>>46823195
Danke.
>>46823212
Well, we don't want to send anyone in there, so we're trying to convince our tulpas to assist. All in all, I wouldn't suggest going to sleep for, say, a month or so.
>>46823277
Should be it.
>Sips his coffee
>>46823263
14 bear livers
>>46823277
I'm good for now.
>>46823279
Unacceptable, my girls need their sleep! Is there anyway I can help resolve this problem?
>>46823331
Bear livers? Ok, I'll get going then.
>>46823378
Well, we could weave some dream catchers, if we got a bit of funding once and awhile. Besides that, try creating a tulpa, they protect from all sorts of dream invaders.
>>46823552
Dream catchers it is! I'll have my girls make enough for my whole department right away!
>>46820088
Guess next week's planned mummy invasion of the plane of elemental sand is off then? Or does apocalypse simply refer to the material plane?
>Lurco kicks a door open and enters
I heard there were asses that needed to be kicked.
>Is wearing a red jacket with a blue and red pill on the back, a black tee shirt with a monstrous turtle on it, blue jeans, and maroon shoes
>>46824024
Hello there, good to meet a true professional. Here I thought my name was hard to pronounce.
>>46824076
Ugh, signing all this paperwork is taxing, I always forget to sign properly.
>>46824024
When'd that happen?
>Gestures to all of him
>>46824076
>>46824117
Huh? And what's your name? I'm Lurco. Though my real name is Baldrekr Ö. Cactus.
>>46824132
. . .What, the outfit? They're old clothes I have hanging around.
>Reminder that Lurco dresses pretty casually in the mages guild
Uh, hey, guys? One of the alchemists sent me to pick up some powdered snipe, is this the right room?
>>46824265
He sent you on a fool's errand, kid.
Snipes aren't real.
>>46824292
Uh, ok... so do I just chill somewhere until he figures out someone told me?
>>46824181
Ah, figures.
>>46824328
Probably. You're an alchemy student?
>>46824328
Maybe. So, you know how to make any cool potions yet?
>>46824354
Figures my butt, they're awesome.
>>46824354
Ah, yes, that's right. Just joined up a few weeks ago.
>>46824458
Just the basic healing stuff right now. Something about it being easier to make us deal with our own medical stuff instead of filling up all the healers' time whenever someone accidentally unleashes noxious gas.
>>46824512
Good for you.
Good luck.
>>46824458
Yeah.
>>46824512
Ah, yeah, that's good.
But remember, you can't properly drink a potion with all your limbs broken.
>>46824568
Oi, is that sarcasm?
>>46824584
No, no...
Just... questioning your taste in color coordination.
>>46824838
What? Red jacket, black shirt, blue jeans, and purplish red shoes? I don't see a problem with them.
>>46824908
It's... Hmm...
Never mind. Ask a fashionmancer, I'm sure they'd be able to explain the problem better.
>>46824929
That's real rich coming from a goth, Veilhex.
Did i ever tall you kids about the time that I broke magic?
>>46824948
Hey, at least I happen to have a defining color.
>>46824970
No. Please don't.
>>46824970
>Hey, doesn't that guy look like that immortal villain that used to terrorize the various heroes of the world a looong time ago? Like, during the First Age?
Nope. Never met you. I'm Lurco, you?
>Hey, isn't that also the name if the- wait a second
>>46825054
Black and black, real nice. Bet you're always prepared to join a formal event.
>>46824970
No, what happened?
>>46825079
Hey, at least I have formal events to attend.
>>46825079
BEGONE FOUL GREENTEXTOMAMCER!
>>46825054
Well tough
>>46825189
I cast antimagic field on the planet
>>46825415
I do too! In fact, I have a shit ton. And they are fucking exhausting.
>>46825450
Eh? What?
Wait, you did what now?
>>46825490
Oh?
>>46825450
Why...?
>>46825543
>>46825490
It was a good idea at the time
>>46825572
How could that possibly have seemed like a good idea? And how is it that we can use magic now, if that actually happened?
>>46825543
Yeah. Leading men as a lord requires a bunch of formal events.
>>46825572
. . .Why you do this?
>>46825595
Well obviously he stopped casting the spell. Or it faded away on it's own.
>>46825595
The spell ran out of time
>>46825616
Some asshole was trying to kill me. I don't rember.
>>46825572
I hope so.
>>46825616
Ah.
>>46825649
Well, did you intend to have it be planet wide?
>>46825762
Yep.
. . .To be honest, I didn't really mean any of that stuff, I just wanted to duke it out.
Though don't talk shit about my fashion.
>>46825793
But of course.
>>46825793
Alright, fine.
Though... you might want to zip up your fly.
>He smirks
>>46825871
Then you goofed.
>>46825881
Fucking-
>He looks down and zips up his fly
I hate that, so damn much.
>>46825936
>Laughs
Sorry, couldn't resist.
>>46825980
No, I'm glad you pointed it out. I just got back actually and I threw on these clothes and I didn't bother to check.
It would have sucked if I tried hitting on some chick tonight and my fly was down.
>>46826125
Oh, that would've been hilarious.
>>46826177
Yeah, for everyone but me! For me that would have been shit.
>>46826125
*snort*
>>46826197
But I'm not you.
So, you know, I wouldn't be embarrassed.
>>46824512
Make sure that you practice this, because it is a fact that at least five lab accidents have happened every week for the last seven decades.
If you get injured and you're capable of patching yourself up, do not come crying to me. I have enough problems without having to literally put all of you back together.
>>46826238
>Looks at you and narrows his eyes
Somethin' funny, piggy?
>>46826276
Well duh, you wouldn't be hitting on chicks, cause you have Astrid.
Astrid points it out and you ask if she wants the button undone too.
>>46826308
Now that was just uncalled for.
I make no comment on its accuracy, but it was uncalled for.
>>46826392
So, know any good drummers or singers?
>>46826472
Not personally.
I mean, Obsidia claims Justin's a good singer, but I've never verified it myself.
>>46826525
Ah, he is, but I meant people that are at least sixteen.
No? Damn. Well, hey, I got a bassist.
>>46826555
Looking to start a band?
>Well this thread fucking died quick.
>Link to Desu: https://desustorage.org/tg/last/50/46820088
>>46826663
>Linking to Desu
>Before we even autosage
>>46826575
Yeah, been doing so for a couple months now.
Let's go talk about it in the archives, yeah?
>>46826679
>im going to beat the shit out of you mate
>>46826684
Ah, sure.
>>46826710I doubt that very much
>>46826737
Let's get going then.
>Starts walking out
>>46826795
>Shrugs
>Heads off to the archives
