your a planetary governor of an agri world of 38 billion (its a big planet)
it just so happened that you couldn't provide the tithe of 12 billion for the Imperial Guard because of a civil war on one side of the planet.
you have just learned that the High Lords of Terra have decided to 'replace' you, as in they will send an assassination team of the Officio Assassinorum (one of each clade) to kill you.
you have 72 hours to prepare for your assassination attempt, what do you do to survive and what methods do you use to protect yourself from the Officio Assassinorum?
>>46765657
I kill myself to save them the trouble
>>46765657
I do nothing and accept my punishment. I have failed the God Emperor and do not deserve mercy.
>>46765657
And the civil war prevented the tithe how?
>>46765690
half of the planet rebelled, you could not find 12 billion men to provide to the Imperial Guard
lol even if it were just a single assassin you would be hard pressed to protect yourself. One of each type? That's enough to kill most named characters of importance. Some meager planetary governor doesn't have a glimpse of a chance.
>>46765709
Half of 38 is 19. That means you would still have 7 billion after the tithe
>>46765730
pretty much this even with 72 days prep time this would be quite impossible, 72 hours though are just ... lol
>>46765657
Make a deal with chaos of course. The Imperium already betrayed me so why the fuck not?
They send me a few demons to cut any assassin to pieces and i give them 38 billion souls to corrupt. You'll get your men, just wait..
>>46765657
besides the fact that they sent ONE OF EACH CLADE after you. id probably just hunker down, get a bunch of guards and wait for them, try to catch them in an over sercurity-proofed location
>>46765657
Why would I, the planetary governor of a fucking Agri-world have to pay a tithe in troops that large. I get we like to joke about it, but all it would take is a message that says "I can get you the men, or the food, but I don't have the manpower for both."
Come up with a less contrived premise OP.
Hire a body double to take your place. While under an assumed name go to ground. Have the imposter live at your home and assume your duties. Rig your home to detonate with a kill trigger on the imposters death but allows the assassination team a means of escape (destroy the evidence) . In the meantime repent for your misdeeds by enlisting in the Guard, maybe you will rise to glory once again.
>>46765657
Step 1: host a party
Step 2: kill the girl trying to get in your pants at the party
Callidus Dead
Step 3: cover yourself in psykers to sense where the Culuxes is and kill him
Culuxes dead
Step 4: dont go outside and have guards search the planet
Vindicare dead
Step 5: wait for Everosor to rush you and catch him in overlapping fields of fire
Eversor dead.
DONE
>>46765821
>They send me a few demons to cut any assassin to pieces
then the culexus shows up and they explode
its literally game over if one of each assassin is going after you, and you dont have the plot armour of a tau special character
>>46765983
Ooh, good point!
Fuck Chaos, sell out to the Tau!
Wait, scratch that - SELL OUT TO EVERYONE!!!
>>46765963
>hosts party, waiting for chick to hit on him
>Eversor busts down door
>OHYEAH.jpg
>WRRRY
FUCK
>>46765983
Devram Korda survived an Assassination Force.
Who's Devram Korda? No one with a model or rules that's for sure.
>>46765963
What if the eversor shows up at the party?
What if one of the psykers is the calidus?
What if the culexes shows up while your guards search the planet?
What if you wait for the vindicare to shoot you through the fire?
>>46765899
> id probably just hunker down, get a bunch of guards and wait for them, try to catch them in an over sercurity-proofed location
It turns out the Callidus took the shape of one of your guards. She shanks you like a bitch nigga and the other three extract her in the confusion.
>>46766057
Very good point
hmmmm
host heavily guarded underground party with psykers in the audience and some expert marksmen in the crowd, dont let anyone come near you till they have all four bodies?
>>46765983
>Khorne demons caring about psyker/anti psyker shit
Do you even blood god?
>have costumes made that look like assassin's clothes
>have double put in place
>assassinate double
hire a few chaos marine body guards, 4000 litres of blood as payment
Can you just nuke the planet as a final Fuck You! to the Imperium?
they cant be that hard to take down, just triple security around my villa and get back to stamping out the civil war
nah you guys got it all wrong
pay eldar to protect you, nothing can beat eldar
>>46765983
>>46766017
>>46765730
You idiots; If the Tau cant save their fucking Space Pope of all people, what hope do you have?
>>46766109
As far as options go thats not the worst one, i mean its still going to suck for you but as far as being able to stand up to the assassins thats probably your best bet.
Have hot, filthy, drug fueled orgies for a solid 71 hours, then lock myself in a bunker with a bolt pistol and as many kg of high grade explosives that will physically fit inside, leaving only room for me and the finest bottle of win the planet has to offer.
Send personal assassin team against them, wait for them to report back
Sell the planet for enough to buy your own assassin teams, a face transplant, trade ship and a manor house on a nice moon somewhere.
Gear up and go after the assassin with your own kill team
>>46765938
Yeah, OP is retarded, but the administratum misplacing a decimal mark could explain an enormous tithe for no reason.
And then, good luck to have them admit their fault before you're declared secessionist.
>>46765657
Your tithe won't be a third of the population. It is impossible to provide that annually.
If an assassin is getting sent for you then you aren't going to know about it. I mean your intelligence network is so poor that you couldn't prevent a civil war but you know that an assassination team is coming?
An execution force doesn't get sent for a target as soft as a mere planetary Governor.
Finally, if you couldn't deal with an uprising before it became civil war then you should be replaced.
So, either your scenario makes no sense or there are a bunch of things you're not telling us (like you're actually a chaos sorcerer and you engineered a bloody civil war to gain your powers).
>>46766604
>>46766572
>>46766524
Because if the team gets killed (assuming your local yokels are up to the job, unlikely) their bosses will go "fair enough, let's forget that one"?
>>46767082
>annually
Is that even how it works? I think it took like 150 years before anyone noticed Badab was withholding their shit.
>>46767191
A tithe is annual. Doesn't mean that it'll be noticed or actioned any time same.
Also doesn't change the fact that asking an agricultural world that needs man power to produce food to cough up a third of its population is ridiculous. It's not like a third of the population is going to be of a suitable age. (25 is old for a soldier) Never mind the disruption to farming and the time it would take for the population to recover.
It's ridiculous.
>>46767292
I think an agriworld having 38 billion people is a bit more impressive. An agriworld is supposed to be a farm, a net exporter of agricultural products. And 38 billion is over four times earth's current population. 38 billion is a hiveworld in its own right.
>>46765657
I leave on a warp capable space-ship and am never seen nor heard from again by the greater Imperium.
>>46765657
>Imperial Guard because of a civil war on one side of the planet.
>you have just learned that the High Lords of Terra have decided to 'replace' you, as in they will send an assassination team of the Officio Assassinorum (one of each clade) to kill you.
>you have 72 hours to prepare for your assassination attempt, what do you do to survive and what methods do you use to protect yourself from the Officio Assassinorum?
I calmly await the human assassins.
Pic related.
Why don't they use the assassins to kill the rebel leaders?
inb4 heresy
>>46767362
It could be a big planet. I'm pretty sure it's possible.
Sit there and do nothing.
Laugh as the phase blade gets absorbed into my Necrodermis.
>>46766383
>finest bottle of win the planet has to offer
Was that intentional?
>>46765657
If it gets to that point, just sit around in you palatial villa and wait for the exitus round to the brainstem. Literally nothing you can do can save you.
>>46765657
"You thought that when you kicked down that door that you would be staring at Governor Titus Aurelious, BUT IT WAS I, THE LAUGHING GOD!!
>>46768000
>It's a GW story where the female character dies immediately and horrifically episode
So what can actually beat these assassins? What can out snipe a vindicare, out fight an eversor, outsmart a callidus and out 'fuck your brain with nothingness" a culuxes
>>46768686
Out fight an Eversor? Maybe an Eldar Solitaire? Maybe? I'd image the fight would look like a blur/tornado of swearing/slashing and body parts flying everywhere
>>46768737
a geared up space marine possible can outfight a eversor, a callidus just need to be out dakked, vindicare? same shit, point lots of guns at it and don't stop shooting, a culuxe? you don't need to outpsic him, just discover who he is and them shoot lots of times.
>>46765657
Fortress World Cadia is tithed barely millions for the guard.
Motherfucking, everyone is in the guard from fucking birth, Cadia. We have soldiers on every fucking warzone in the Milky Way, Cadia.
Why the fuck would an Argi World, which already is primarily tithed for food, have to front up with nearly HALF THEIR POPULATION in the guard?
Your premise is fucking stupid even for 'Marines eat brains to get memories 40k'
>>46765657
Firstly, it does seem stupid that an agri world would have to provide this tithe.
I just make some bureaucratic magic, and suddenly my underling is killed instead. Because that is how bureaucracy works.
>>46765657
>population 38 billion
>tithe, 12 billion
???
>>46765657
You're a planterary governor of relatively successful agricultural world. Your ambition in life is to make the best agricultural world in the imperium, and earn the highly respected first prize, the fabled tail of the emperor's golden pig.
You have just learned of a new and powerful agricultural technology through your techno spies. It is based on near-heretical experiments done one orc physiology, and uses a highly fertile and mutated spore structure reminiscent of a mushroom. The scientists have named it "plump helmet" and it can grow below the surface, and can be used for pretty much anything.
On the other hand, you could implement a new slave drug policy, and employ drone crafts which spray mood enhancing drugs on the planet, increasing productivity.
What do you do?
Is anyone going to remember that Vanus and Venenum exist?
>>46766182
shouldn't ordinary Tau be more or less immune to the Culexus? The Etherals might suffer, but ordinary Tau have such a tiny presence in the warp that even the fully enhanced abilities of a pariah shouldn't do more than make them extremely uncomfortable.
>>46765657
Killswitch to a massive bomb planted near the planets core.
Send out a message that the high lords would give you more time or their agri-world and 12 billion guardsmen.
>>46770471
Wouldn't that be like 100% of planet's workforce?
>>46765657
>one of each
I've fucked up royal, like seriously I am clearly incompetent, I lower defenses and save them the trouble, I prey they will be merciful to the family and world I failed, they deserve it, I do not.
>>46765657
Trade a valuable archeotech heirloom to the Adeptus Mechanicus for a very convincing body double. Make it look like the body double committeed suicide, at the governor's desk. Write a confession with plenty of helpful information for the next governor, and the deeds to your estates along with a couple donations to like the ecclesiarchy. Then liquadate your assets and flee on a small ship across the galaxy. Use your remaining assets to buy a small villa on a little known pleasure planet and live out your remaining life.
>>46770591
The thing on the Culexus's head amplify his effect many times over.
>>46765657
Make a deal with a rogue trader to help me vanish forever beyond the borders of the imperium on some long lost paradise world.
Leave a competent heir, and pay every ship willing to take the money to broadcast that the administratum fucked up and are making us pay 12 bill instead of 1.2bill.
>>46771564
>DNA scans show exactly who the body double is
>Vanus figures out exactly what you did, he's leagues smarter and more experienced at this than you by default, with a ridiculous contact network
>One of your remaining contacts is now a Callidus
>The villa has been prepared by a Venenum Assassin
>>46768686
The Culexus is only rivalled by the highest end of Necrontyr null-tech wielded by a genius Cryptek in terms of anti-psychic fields.
Virtually nothing can outsnipe a Vindicare or outfight an Eversor one-on-one except for such extremes that they're either Harlequins, Greater Daemons or named characters. Callidus is smart, incredibly cunning and very deceptive, but she's probably the easiest Assassin to deal with in the right situation.
>>46765657
send a message asking which fucking moron came up with a tithe of 12 billion for 38 billion planet or if they didn't accidentally add a 0 or three too many
>>46765657
>your a planetary governor
What about my planetary governor?
Did he wet the carpet again? I thought I told you to housebreak him already, Seneschal.
>>46765748
Not to mention prisoners of war could also be used to pay the tithe via Penal Regiments.
Not to mention OP said it's an agriworld, meaning the tithe wouldn't be paid in flesh anyways since an agriworld's job is to feed the Imperium, not fight for it.
Not to mention OP is a retarded faggot who can't into spelling or grammar.
Sit on a nuke and wait.
Might as well take 'em with me.
>>46766099
Bitch, please, Jurgen isn't even a high grade blank and yet slapped dozens of daemons, lesser and greater, though his career...
>>46765657
I hopefully am able to contact and bribe the Ordo Sicarius Inquisitor transporting the Assassins with a chunk of my overdue tithe with an explanation of the scenario. Hopefully they'll see the massive waste that this use of assassins will be and make up a documentation explaining my death as I continue faithfully serving the Emperor under a different guise. So pretty much 100:1 odds against me since I'm in the hopes of getting one of the reasonable Inquisitors or at least an Inquisitor whose to jaded to care and accepts the bribe.
If that fails I accept my death, moderately miffed about the absurd amount of resources being used to kill a loyal servant of our Holy God Emperor
>>46765657
Tau.
>>46765709
>>46765690
Thats not a recruiting zone thats a WAR ZONE. Learn the difference.
>>46765657
Say fuck it an sacrifice my entire planet to the Chaos Gods.
