Post stories about ridiculous matches you've had. Bonus points if the opponent really got under your skin.
>be me, blue tron player
>be playing modern fnm a week after m15 released.
>get paired up with some dude who looked like he was in his early 30s, rolls out his mlp play mat, and his pony themed box/sleeves/dicebag etc.
>cringe a small amount, then procede to unpack my stuff and greet him.
>he looks at me and bellows "HEWOH" and shakes my hand like a dog ripping apart meat.
>i can smell his breath from across the table, he must've had tuna for lunch.
>we start playing the game, he's playing horse tribal in all colors. Though there are foil fetches and shocklands hitting the field on his side.
>beat his horses to death with wurmcoil, gg.
>he's an obvious tard confirm at this point.
>let him win next two matches, do not want to invoke tard rage.
This is the exciting part.
>round two, sitting next to ponytater.
>my opponent was a Ux cheap infect, but taterboy was up against grixis delver.
>delverguy is not as nice as I am, delverguy takes the easy pickings.
>delverguy is a smug shitlord, and says something like "sucks to suck" to ponytater
>delverguy shoundn't have did that.
>taterboy has unlocked his inner tard strength, and become taterman.
>he gets up and flings his chair at delverguy, misses, and takes down a pathfinder display.
>gets pissed becausehl he missed so flips the table on delver guy, causing a bruised collar bone and a big card/dice mixup.
>runs out of the store crying and screaming.
>later while my opponent and i were cleaning up the mess, and delver guy was talking to the store owner and a cop, taterman shows up with his mother to appologize.
>store owner was chill af, only asked to be paid for the pathfinder shit that got impaled by a chair leg, didn't ban the guy or anything.
>store owner told delverguy to stop being a dickish shitlord or he would be banned.
It was an interesting night.
>>46742713
That card would make so much more sense in red, both in terms of flavor and ability.
>>46742713
>Be casual scum noob who wants to get into modern. Played maybe 2 games my whole life
>Make colorless tron deck centered on Platinum Angel shenanigans. Rule was it had to be 100% colorless
>Douchebag I've known awhile taught me the ropes. Overall a giant autist who thinks he is mlg pro.
>Ask to play against his bestest best deck which at the time I thought was awesome (R/B Vampires)
>Fucking stomp him with platinum angel (lightning greaves/darksteel shit) and All is Dust shenanigans
>Becomes whiny and autistic. "platinum angel is broken hurrr"
>Learning he is a giant faggot, make new deck: WGB token/doubling season/corpse jack casual funsies deck.
>He netdecks some shitty R/B splintertwin faggotry
>I still win.
>Begins to rage that I cheat and shit
>Learn that he is a sperglord stereotype 'l33t g@m3r'
>Proceed to whoop him at boardgames and other lesser cardgames too
>Attempts to badmouth me to our friends
>They choose me over him
>Married some hyper-feminist who is a foot taller than him and has a bigger dick
>Still love Platinum Angel.
I don't particularly have a specific story, but I have a friend who tends to get pretty That Guy when we all play together.
Hates it when people try to get others to cooperate with them towards something, but is always trying to do so.
Hates it when others try to manipulate other players into some specific action, but is always there to coach others on what they should do.
Hates being targeted for any reason but will always beeline straight for me in any multiplayer match.
Plays a Sliver EDH deck and gets super butthurt about mass removal.
Will use an old card without checking it out on Gatherer to see its updated wording but when told it doesn't work like he thinks it does will immediately get all defensive and swear he looked it up.
Actually, that one has a story to it, but it's not very entertaining. The short version is that he got defensive and insisted he looked it up and he was right. I pulled the card up on Gatherer and the first entry in the Rulings section proved him wrong.
When I answer a rules question that works out for him, he accepts my word as fact. When it's unfavorable for him, he wants some evidence from Gatherer or the Comp Rules.
>>46745441
>Married some hyper-feminist who is a foot taller than him
You say that like there's something wrong with tall girls.
>>46745441
What a little cuck. Well done.
>>46742713
So Delver guy still pressed charges right? Just because the owner was cool with it doesn't mean hes off the hook. Sure, he won't be banned from the store, but delver guy could take what happened to court and force the family to pay for a tard sitter to keep him under control when hes in public.
>>46745441
>>Married some hyper-feminist who is a foot taller than him and has a bigger dick
You're saying it like it's a bad thing.
>playing FFA multiplayer
>at one point, a player reanimates a consecrated sphinx from another player's graveyard
>on the following turn's upkeep, seeing that every player controlled at least one creature, I mirrorweave the sphinx.
>that draw step everyone had all the cards they could want
>then the game continued
some highlights:
>with lethal combat damage coming at me, I mirrorweave my engulfing slagwurm to gain some life and not die. one of my opponents, who could have stopped me decides to "see how this goes"
>due to right of replication and parallel lives, I have enough wurmcoil engines that when one player wrath of gods, I am left with 200 babies, so he must follow up with a second wrath of god.
>nearing the end of the game I have 25 maelstrom archangels, but the last opponent (the one who let me live) is playing a soul sisters type deck, so when I swing at him for an undefended 125 damage, he survives. i resolve the 25 triggers by casting about 4 spells, over and over. rite of replication on an eternal witness is a hell of a drug.
>at one point during these 25 triggers I rite of replication an eldrazi spawn instead and everyone asks me wtf. I point out that I'm running out of mana to kick the rites.
no one got especially salty during the game, but one player still dreads the idea of playing against that deck I ran during this stupid game.
>>46742713
>playing a mono-green Modern combo deck at my FLGS
>mana ramp into Genesis Wave to put hasted Eldrazi, usually Ulamog's Crushers with Eldrazi Conscription and haste-granting equipment
>hard-cast Eldrazi as alternate win-con
>entire deck cost maybe 12$ to make, since I didn't use the mythic Eldrazi (they cost too much to reliably get into play with Genesis Wave)
>got all the cards but missing two Harmonize, store is on back-order with them
>put two proxies in my deck, tell my opponents in advance, nobody minds since it's just kitchen table stuff
>human whale walks into FLGS, carrying eight binders of MTG cards
>walks up, challenges me to a game
>tell him my deck is modern, he says that's fine
>ask if it's okay if I have two proxies of Harmonize in my deck
>he says sure, as long as he can use proxies as well
>game starts, he drops a proxy black lotus, proxy ancestral recall, proxy time walk, proxy moxen, etc.
>I get one turn before he completely destroys me by milling my entire deck somehow
>every card in his deck was a proxy, with the exception of two Islands I think
>tell him that's not exactly fair since my deck is modern and he's using cards that are banned in Legacy
>he tells me to get gud, gets up, walks away
>I proceed to write out proxies on scraps of paper while he's stomping kids with his monster OTK deck
>challenge him again, ask him it it's okay if I use proxies
>he looks at me like I'm an idiot and says yes
>game 2, his first turn I Force of Will his combo and shut him down. He galres down at the card wordlessly
>I get a godlike hand, drop triple proxy Black Lotus plus existing mana ramp to Genesis Wave out a 28/28 haste trample Annihiliator 6 untargetable Eldrazi and kill him instantly
>give him a shit-eating grin
>he picks up my deck and throws it across the store, screaming that I'm a cheating bastard
>tries to swing at me, misses, gets kicked out of the store
>it was a good day
>>46742713
>Ahahaha a competitive player got assaulted by an autismo
I really hope he took them to court and make them put the tard on a leash. Nothing worse than retards running wild, physically attacking people and getting away with it because they're different.
>playing modern B/G shitbrew vs scapeshift
>have the devoted druid/quillspike combo on my deck because it's too cute to ignore
>make quillspike a 37/37 and go to combat. Opponent casts cryptic command to tap my team and draw a card.
>Pretty sure he has scapeshift and a land drop in hand ready to go off
>cast disciple of bolas and sacrifice quillspike to gain 37 life and draw 37 cards
>puts me to 52 life, well above how much he can deal next turn
>as he processes what just happened he becomes enraged
>starts swearing and telling me nobody uses those stupid fucking cards and I couldn't win against other real decks
>tells me I don't deserve to win for playing junk and I should concede
>ask him if he's passing the turn back
>thought he was going to flip the table
>slams his bag on the table and shoves all his cards and dice in making a big scene then leaves
>he apologized and bought me a new pack of sleeves the next week. Said his dad died the weekend before and he vented his frustration at me instead of dealing with it properly
>Playing at the kitchen table with friend
>He says he made a new casual deck.
>Awesome. We pull out our casual decks and get going.
>He is playing HARD ramp.
>T5 he has 11 lands on the field and summons ulamog and exiles the other creatures.
>Next turn summons void winnower
>Both of us concede.
>>46750258
You. I like you.
>>46742713
>playing memedern
you're a tard
>>46751725
Eh, at the time it was the only format at fnm I could play a "giant robot monster with counterspells" deck.
Now that we have pauper at fnm, i've been brewing hard.
>>46751574
Sauce?
>>46751034
Hey, at least it ended well.
>>46749249
>>46750684
Not sure if the delverguy pressed charges or not, I do know firsthand that he did bring it upon himself by being a dick.
>>46754059
It doesn't matter if he brought it on himself or not, if somebody is sperging out and throwing tables at people, they're dangerous.
>>46743426
Came to this thread to post exactly that
>>46754813
I get that, and it's damn good that neither of them have shown up to fnm since. I don't want dangerous spuds or smug shitlords in my fnm.
>>46742713
>kool-aid man
>not red
ONE JOB
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