As far as tabletop stuff goes, what's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
>>46508957
I attacked and was killed by a gazebo.
Well I've seen adult men throw tantrums. That was pretty embarrassing to be anywhere near
>>46508957
I wasn't able to RP anything convincingly but drunk people for like a year.
Nothing super serious but I feel embarrassed when I think about mistakes I've made while DMing both in terms of messed up rules and just not thinking planned scenarios through enough such that PCs end up getting accidentally killed off or effectively having nothing to do for hours.
>>46508957
Played a female character (I am a male IRL).
>>46508957
Existed
>>46508957
Everything about roleplaying that's not rolling dices and numbers
>>46509429
Why is this embarrassing
>>46509529
He's just being retarded because he doesn't know the only reason it'd be weird is if the guy in question is using it to play out some weird fetish. The fact that this is confusing to anyone is a testament to this board's autism.
>>46508957
I sabotaged my own campaign because I was young and naive, and didn't know that the proper answer as a dm is never 'no', but rather 'yes, but'.
>>46509493
So all of it.
>>46508957
I used to play Yugioh
>>46508957
At one point in time you guys... I was a munchkin. I'm so sorry. I'm trying to be better.
>>46509689
Yes.
Because I'm a slimy pathetic male who yearns to magical realm as a girl. I literally only do it for fetish, and the same goes for anyone else, whatever they say. I like picture my shapely bosom, ass and thighs. I like to pretend I can smell my own girl parts and sometimes touch them. I also like the illusion of power that comes from having absolute control over every aspect of my character who is nothing more than a female pawn tailored for my amusement.
There is literally no justifiable narrative reason to play as a female when you are a male IRL. There is no wriggling out of this. Pretending to be a girl for deep-rooted psycho-sexual reasons is all there is. If you can stand up and admit this then you've gone a long way into self-realization and should be commended for your honesty, even though you're as pathetic as I am.
So I'm fine with playing a girl, and with others who want to fantasize about being girls, because I'm aware of what I am and I'm not doing any harm to anyone else. Join me, my girl-playing brethren. Join me in self-honesty.
>>46510277
*slow claps*
*steps out of the shadows*
Heh... not bad, kid. Not bad at all. Your meme, I mean. It's not bad. A good first attempt. It's plenty dank... I can tell it's got some thought behind it... lots of quotable material...
But memeing isn't all sunshine and rainbows, kid. You're skilled... that much I can tell. But do you have what it takes to be a Memester? To join those esteemed meme ranks? To call yourself a member of the Ruseman's Corps? Memeing takes talent, that much is true. But more than that it takes heart. The world-class Memesters - I mean the big guys, like Johnny Hammersticks and Billy Kuahana - they're out there day and night, burning the midnight meme-oil, working tirelessly to craft that next big meme.
And you know what, kid? 99 times out of a hundred, that new meme fails. Someone dismisses it as bait, or says it's "tryhard," or ignores it as they copy/paste the latest shitpost copypasta dreamt up by those sorry excuses for cut-rate memers over at reddit. The Meme Game is rough, kid, and I don't just mean the one you just lost :^). It's a rough business, and for every artisan meme you craft in your meme bakery, some cocksucker at 9gag has a picture of a duck or some shit that a million different Johnny No-Names will attach a milion different captions to. Chin up, kid. Don't get all mopey on me. You've got skill. You've got talent. You just need to show your drive.
See you on the boards...
>>46510307
Fucking LOL. Let's be clear here bigot. You are the one who is outdated. You are the one who doesn't belong in the hobby. You are the one whose view is tolerated less and less every day so fuck you and your outdated ideas of what is normal and OK.
I don't need you judging me and I reject your ability to do so. But I will fucking judge you - you fucking hateful bigot. The hobby will be better off when people like you are finally driven away and the rest of us can be free to be who we are instead of playing shut up for you.
Every day is one day closer to you being driven away. Every day your fucking view is less tolerated for the hateful shit that it is. And you got nothing to say in response to any of this other than to just insult me and say hateful shit lie "Not your blog".
I got none of that for you pal. Not one fucking bit. Because I want you around to see the day you no longer have a place in this hobby and you are the one stuck looking from the outside in as everyone else has a good time.
You know what? I was feeling pretty down in my first post. But I'm feeling pretty good right now. Fuck you bigot, you are the one that is wrong and outdated. Not me.
>>46510307
Tryhard baiter
>>46508957
Be on this board
Be in this thread
You faggots do know you have to be 18 to post here, right?
In a game I was running about paranormal shit, I had the players encounter a group of Mazes and Monsters players who were playing some devil warshipping game that would end with them making human sacrifices to summon a demon. Anyway, it was all good meta humor fun until the players asked me to describe the MaM players and of course I listed their names and attributes as the fat one, the shy one, and the autistic one respectively. Then the players pointed out that I had chosen 2 out of the 3 MaM names to be THEIR names. I said I was really fucking sorry and that I was just trying to think of random names and theirs were probably fresher in my mind. They didn't care but I still feel bad about it.
>>46510505
Then explain why you're posting.
>>46510277
How many more times are you gonna post this shitty pasta?
>>46509493
>dices
You'be just embarrassed yourself right now.
>>46512136
>You'be
And I just did, too.
In my first ever D&D game, I played a gnoll dominatrix who flirted with everyone and didn't wear shoes. I was 14 and gaming with strangers.
Nothing will ever let me atone for this.
>>46512170
You sound fun to ERP with at least.
>>46512170
Were you a cute underage twink at least?
>>46512458
gayboy
We had a D&D session on prom night because we knew that none of us would get a date for it.I invited the one girl in our group to prom, she said she prefered the session.
>>46510519
How could this accidentally happen?
>>46512688
Lady has her priorities in order
Current game oddly enough, but breastfeeding two NPCs to save their lives. A bit embarrassing but played straight and out of necessity.
>>46512718
Like I said I was just trying to come up with random names off the top of my head and I guess the names of my players just happened to be on the top. How I didn't realize that as I said it is beyond me.
>>46512803
Story time?
my minmaxed powergamed character died because i underestimated how much my DM would buff his monsters in anticipation of me
>mfw i get destroyed by fucking Quaggoths and my body eaten
>>46512900
Post apoc game, my character just recently had a baby. She came across a woman and her son near starved to death and set to die by the DM since I didn't have any food handy at that time, but I realized I could try to feed them same as the baby. After some weird RP and going through with it, I ended up keeping them both alive long enough till proper food. Definitely most embarrassing I've gone through/roleplayed in a game despite fitting in context.
>>46508957
Forgot /tg/ is not real life, and revealed an intense love for young elves.
Playing Shadowrun, rescue a member of lonestar who happens to be our fixers dad (don't ask). He asks me if i'm with a private military (perfect friking cover running around in body armor with a very large assault riffle), i say no, i'm between jobs at the moment. Everyone just kinda stares at me as i pass over the perfectly reasonable explanation for our involvement, and pretty much oust us as runners. My brain catches up a few seconds latter when the laughter starts.
I've pretended that I got an important call so I could cancel a session because I had nothing planned and wasn't in the mood to improvise.
>>46508957
Fallen in love with a player
>>46513762
You can't just leave it like that. We need the details.
>>46513314
Anon, we need some context for this.
Like, at a bar with friends? At a wake? A job interview?
C'mon, give us the deets.
>>46513762
I'd love to hear this
bumping for more shame
>>46508957
argued with a dwarf and mayor over poltics in dnd.
>>46512688
>I invited the one girl in our group to prom, she said she prefered the session.
Fuck that must have hurt
I once played with the pinnacle of That Guys for way longer than is excusable because I couldn't find another GM. Like, the dude in Zero Charisma cranked to 11, seriously, if not worse, and at no point did I call him on it or leave for like an entire summer.
I mildly complain when my character is in the negatives. After I'm done with a session and I've complained, I feel ashamed for what I said.
>>46513314
This needs some more context for cringe.
I take off my shirt when we're playing because it's more comfy that way
>>46508957
entered a star wars campaign having only ever watched the films once each several years ago
Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't do anything totally ridiculous because of it
>>46518283
>>46514301
Apparently when the elf king offers you a reward for your service, his does not mean his adorable loli elf daughter that has been trailing the party.
Funny thing is gm gave me like 6 outs, but my brain wasnt registering it as anything wrong.
>>46508957
took my ex (then gf) for a session
>>46520476
"out" as in "Leave you freak?"
seems pretty harsh to me. Unless you worded your request in a pretty bad way.
>>46508957
As the DM I got the phrases "chewing him out" and "eating him out" mixed up when describing a scene between a flustered employee and his boss.
>>46520509
No no, out as
>look anon, asking for a little girl as your reward is not normal, so im gonna have the king give you several other options so you dont look weird.
Ran a Monday Night Pokemon League at a local game shop mainly to help the owner. I thought I would be watching the children, but ended up scolding 22-year-old autists for scaming little kids most of the time. Was fun, teaching, buying packs and playing for fun with the kids.
>>46520609
maybe I should explain more:
>Be me
>having a session with friends
>our party is sent on a mission by the elven king
>his illegitimate daughter, a loli tomboy elf, decides to follow the party.
>becomes our team mascot. Her back story makes he an extreme woobie (father loves her but can't show it, her mother is dead, queen, illegitimate daughters and the rest of the kingdom blame her and her mother for infidelity.)
>quest turns out to be a lot bigger than anyone thought. End up saving the kingdom from complete destruction.
>King is grateful, does the "if it is within my power, i shall give it to you" thing.
>Most of the party asks for normal shit
>loli + Elf+ tomboy is my fetish
>ask for her as my wife.
(1/2)
>>46522019
(2/2)
>Oh, you wish to marry one of my daughters? As a hero who saved my kingdom, i am overjoyed to hear that! I have 3 beautiful daughters who are of child bearing age...
>I really want Puck (loli tomboy elf's nickname)
>Such a modest reward! but surely you don't want her! She is a boyish child, and not even a legitimate heir! But don't worry, i know for a fact that my second daughter has expressed an interest in you, I am sure she would be overjoyed to hear of a marriage to you!"
>I really would like to marry Puck
>Good hero, I don't understand. Why would you want my illegitimate daughter, a girl nowhere near an age where she would be able to give you children, as a wife?
>I really like loli elf
>Ah, I see. Well your love for her must truly be grand. If you truly wish her hand in marriage, i shall give it to you, but for the last time, i must confirm: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO MARRY MY LITTLE GIRL?
>Yep
Not sure if they took it as my character just loving that particular elf, or realized i just had a hardcore fetish moment, but i am guessing the latter because of GM poking fun at me every time a young girl is in the game now.
>Anon, A young peasant girl is waving from the window.
>want to make a roll?
>>46522164
You could have asked for the daughter to accompany your group as your apprentice/assistant so that she would make a name for herself to make her lineage proud, to escape a life that neither she nor others around her are content with, and to be around the people she's been wanting to be around a lot.
But you had to want to fuck the loli elf.
>>46522225
To be fair, if a hero of the kingdom marries her, she is probably gonna get a decent boost in support and status. Maybe even get a "people's princess" thing going on. Although if kings legitimate daughter actually had a thing for him, may be causing even more problems.
Got pressed into a furry relationship as a political marriage.
>>46525124
Is that really emvarassing for you though? Seems more like gm forcing you into something
>>46523417
Actually, I see his marriage causing a lot of problems, even assuming the girl was not recognized as a hero in her own right.
>Still went with the party that saved the kingdom.
>is engaged to one of the heros
>is the illegitimate daughter of the king, not officially in line for the throne, but typically seen as a threat by the legitimate heirs, and a rallying point for rebellion.
>queen is already stated to dislike her
>one of the legitimate princesses may have already had a thing for the hero
>Even if she is not considered a hero, no chance that people don't know of her exploits, and have gained a level of respect and love for her.
So basically, a situation has been created in which a girl who was disliked, but was probably safe because she was not considered a threat, has likely gained an enormous amount of popularity. People's princess title is probably gonna be a likely scenario, as the peasants are probably gonna see her as one of their own. I'm also sure that the queen and her children are going to be a little unnerved by how well liked this girl is getting, possibly even more so than them. I can't imagine the one princess who liked the hero would be too happy at the idea that the hero would pick her sister over her, so good chance of her seeking some sort of revenge.
So unless anon takes the girl far, far away, she si probably going to get assassinated, framed, or be the possible rallying point of a civil war.
All Because he wanted to fuck the loli elf.
>>46525283
Well embarrassing to play through/have be an ongoing thing in game, as well as other people misinterpreting and thinking I pressed for it.
>>46522019
>>46522164
>tomboy loli elf
>probably like 30 years old, maybe even twice that depending on the setting
Fuck that, Anon, you made the right choice. Don't let anybody put you down for doing what appealed to you most. Follow your dreams!
>>46525124
Eh, that's not so bad since you're not a furry yourself.
>>46525974
That sounds like an awesome fallout, though. That's some 10/10 drama.
Although I think the more likely outcome is
>anon and his loli elf leave the elven kingdom to adventure together
>they maybe return once every few decades
>the end
>>46508957
By far, the most embarrassing thing I've ever done is squash the face of my friend's gnome in my sweaty barbarian armpits. I bullied him a lot with that character and was going with the "Hey this'll be humiliating/fun" route, but the way I handled it, I think I gave the impression to my (then new) group that I had a sweat fetish or something.I don't.
>>46508957
I was playing a female nerd shut-in in a sci-fi setting.
The character turned out fine later on and the group liked her, but the first hour of the first session was so fucking cringe.
I did a REALLY weird voice to start off with and everyone sort of paused and looked at me, at which point I died inside and abandoned that voice.
And I was like, gathering information from online nerd contacts, and after they gave me the intel I said 'okay, ill ask them if they want tit pics'
'...what?'
'tit pics. thats like the currency for forum nerds'
'...'
What the fuck was I thinking. I must have come off like such a weirdo.
>>46528179
Mmmmmmmmmm, delicious second hand shame.
>>46508957
Friend wanted to run a Dark Heresy game as a one shot. It was an online group. Out of everyone three of us were up for it. One guy was running late so it was just the two of us for a bit.Then I fell asleep quarter of a way through. The guy who was late never hopped in, those two wrapped up on their own
bumping for more cringe
>>46508957
Used scalemale and a towershield on a druid for three years. I was like eight, never read the rules, and no one explained it to me that my spells weren't supposed to cause storms and random plant growth 90% of the time.
>>46529728
Here you go
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhYYQiFozl8
>Lactating
>Playing in a group with my oneitis
>Sneak my milk into into his foodstuffs
No one knows though, I've managed to keep it secret this long. Would probably kill myself if anyone found out.
>>46530507
Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
You are physically lactating
and sneaking breast milk into the beverages of the man you have a crush on.
>>46530734
Uh yes...
Been doing it for awhile now.
>>46530827
Are you a boy or a girl?
>>46530868
Girl. Can guys even lactate?
>>46530925
Well "Lactate" is one word for it
>>46530507
... Pregnant?
>>46530827
Got any pics?
>>46530925
Yes, by having a babby suckle there for weeks or hormone issues, because nature cuts corners.
Okay, that's hot but why would you do this? What is there to accomplish?
>>46530827
What in the actual fuck
>>46530925
>>46530971
No, they really can, it just takes more dedication IIRC. People are weird.
>>46530507
My question is, can this happen, like, at the table? Do you show up to game night with a tray of milk-chocolate brownies and pass 'em around? Do you watch him bite into them with a satisfied grin while the entire table eats, blissfully unaware? Seriously, not even a fetish thing, but I'm going to need the details on this one.
>>46530971
I don't understand what you mean?
>>46531000
Oh I didn't know that. Why I'm doing it well... when I started doing it it was kind of a way to fantasize for me, and made it feel like we were closer. Now I kind of do it out of habit though I still get that special feeling with it.
>>46530507
...At least it's something that's actually supposed to be consumed by humans and not trying to make love-potions and the like by sneaking period blood into shit I guess.
>>46530925
>>46530507
WHY?
LIKE WHY?
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE LIKE /K/?
Also breast milk cheese is actually pretty good and tastes like ricotta if you have any culinary skill.
>>46530827
Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?
Clearly you understand that it's embarrassing, but what you do not seem to realize is that what you are doing is morally wrong. As in you need to never do that again. Ever.
It would be one thing if you were simply masturbating to thoughts of him. That's your prerogative. What you are doing, however, is involving him in your sexual escapades without his knowledge and consent and causing him to ingest your bodily fluids. He should not be exposed to your sickness just because you are autistic and have poor impulse control.
I am not even sure where you got it in your head that doing such a thing was even close to appropriate. Let me be frank with you: what you are doing and your blase attitude towards it is indicative of psychological disturbance.
Fucking stop that.
>>46531121
Just ask him out and breastfeed him or something. It would at least be mutual then and not... what you're doing now.
>>46531151
Normally I'm against faggots like this, but he's got a point. You could have some diseases or some shit that he's being exposed to.
>>46530507
Wouldn't this be considered a form of sexual assault?
>>46530993
No, I started lactating to help a family friend who couldn't feed her baby, and I just never stopped. Now I just sell what I produce. Or well, most of it.
>>46531042
Yeah like you said, when I bring stuff like bake goods. Also though if I get the chance I put my own in the milk he has in the fridge, or in his drink if I can offer to get him a refill I'll mix some in. This is all of course assuming I have the privacy to do so.
>>46531309
>Anon-chan is feeding her literal milk to the entire group
Somebody is probably getting off to this, but I'm just laffin
Seriously though, you should probably stop. That's fucked up. How on Earth do you get obsessed with somebody like that? Have you tried asking him out?
>>46531256
Like, I don't give a shit what you do in-game.
At first I thought that's what was happening, just silly fetish shit she was doing behind the other players' backs. But then I read it again and realized she was fucking mental.
Like, it's all well and good imagining she's your fucking anime waifu mixing her vaginal fluids into the batter of the cookies she makes just for you, but no. This is real life. She's probably a fat fucking retard. Nobody deserves to be spiked with a fat fucking retard's breast milk.
>>46531303
Yes. I bet the guy would fucking hate her if he knew. Fucking sick.
>>46512688
That's fucking savage.
>>46531309
What if he wants to go on a diet?
I planed an entire encounter around a mountain infested with vampires that I had kinda been building up to for six sessions. I didn't know that my cleric had day light, or that it did 20 radiant damage to any bloodsuckers within a 60 foot radius.
Sent this to my fiance, her reply was "Well, that's why *I* play girl characters, so..."
Do girls play girls so they can pretend to be girls?
>>46531869
I don't get it.
>>46531869
>even girls want to pretend to be girls
>reincarnating as a girl will never make you into a girl who is satisfied with being a girl
>you will always want to be the little girl, no matter what
so this is true despair
>>46531131
Okay, there wasn't actually cum in those brownies. The guy who did it later fessed up that it was just some condensed milk he dribbled onto the batter in that photo.
>>46530925
Rarely, yes. It's not normal, butI lactated during puberty.
>>46534730
Sure, /k/, we believe you, you totatlly didn't eat a bunch of semen.
I'm hard
>>46509050
I wasn't able to RP anything convincinglyever
>>46510307
Jesus christ this post is a work of modern art
>>46510374
this post is just as magnificent as the one it's replying to
>>46513255
Makes more sense than expected
Still magical realm as fuck
>>46513255
How old was the woman's son? That must have been awkward.
>>46513783
Seconding this.
>>46531200
I find this idea cuter than I know I should.
>>46522164
Did she have red hair?
>>46530507
>>46530827
>>46531042
>>46531121
This is why I always eat before a session. Between this disgusting freak, the cosmic brownies shakes, and the various other nurgle cultists that infest this hobby I've got some great cases to validate my suspicions.
>>46508957
Brought up another players presumed autism without talking to the GM first.
>>46508957
Not much on the tabletop. I tend to be pretty conservative when playing/GMing, so it's mostly stuff like fucking up some important detail and having to try to explain/retcon it away later, or doing something that turned out to be a very stupid move and cause a TPK.
I do have a tendency to start writing very odd homebrew stuff, usually following a line of throught that goes "some anon mentioned mentioned there shuld be rules for playing X. Nobody else is probably crazy enough to do it, so I might as well do it". Sometimes that's resulted in some stuff I think is pretty cool (although still not exactly useable in typical campaigns), but usually it just ends with me wondering why I spent two hours writing rules for vore-elves or somethign equally stupid.
>>46539240
Breastmilk has good macros though.
>>46509014
I saw a 50 year old man once stand up and start screaming at someone in the middle of a crowded restaurant accusing them of "poaching" players from his game. The guy had casually asked if anyone was interested in playing Settlers of Catan after pizza.
>>46509429
>Played a female character (I am a male IRL).
>>46508957
I guess the first time I ever roleplayed, the DM looked right at me and asked me a direct question, and when I tried to talk about it like in an abstract sense, one of the other players told me to just say it as my character. I panicked and got all flummoxed and awkward, rambled incoherently for a few seconds, then went silent. Pretty weird.
>>46510307
>>46510374
>>46539240
>the cosmic brownies shakes
Not gonna lie family, that sounds good. Much better with actual pieces of homemade baked brownies instead of cosmics though. Local joint around here has triple chocolate shakes with choc icecream, brownies, and hot fudge and it's straight fire.
>>46539338
IIRC that post correctly, said brownie shakes ended up giving everybody who drank them horrifyingly painful diarrea.
>>46539338
But you do realize that post was about the players nearly shitting themselves to death after drinking it, right?
>>46539248
>I spent two hours writing rules for vore-elves or somethign equally stupid.
Ok, you got my attention.
>>46528179
Uff da, that's some painful shit anon.
>>46530507
That's... erotic but also incredibly uncomfortable, and possibly illegal? Either way, that shit needs to stop. If this is actually real and happening, just talk to the fucking guy instead of committing some kind of sexual assault on MULTIPLE people.
>>46530507
Bullshit.
>>46531151
>involving him in your sexual escapades without his knowledge and consent and causing him to ingest your bodily fluids.
Did you have to make it sound so sexy?
>>46530507
>>46530827
>>46531042
>>46531121
>>46539409
It made a little more sense in the context.
Some anon brought mentioned statting vore-elves made by some French dude who draws vore, and that the idea had apparently been brough up before. I said that if the thread was still around the next day and I was bored enough, I might as well do it. Well, the thread was somehow still around the next day, and I figured that I should keep my word.
So I had to find and look through the guy's stuff to get all the details right (it doesn't matter what I do, I always strive to do proper research; that's like the one thing that really got drilled into my head while studying for a science degree), and then had to spend more time rebalancing because people commented that the playable version was too powerful (because that's surely going to be the main objection your GM will have when you ask to play as a vore-elf...).
>>46513255
You fell for the ol' Steinbeck "Grapes of Wrath" meme.
>>46539612
It's called Roman Charity, and it's a thing in literary and art history. It's kind of hilarious how Puritan mores have destroyed our ability to appreciate human symbolism because ew yuck biology how dare you.
>>46520539
kek
>>46510307
Sweet fuck this is a masterwork of post-postmodernist Impressionist shit posting.
>>46539366
>>46539368
Wait, what the hell is a cosmic milkshake that could make you have non-stop running shits?
Is it like /fit/'s GOMAD meme?
>>46534730
Oh, Georgia. You're so cute when you're trying not to be gay.
>>46510277
>>46510307
>>46510374
>>46540726
Just go ask >>46529756 for the "cosmic brownies" storytime, it's a pretty ancient screencap that I guess most people have seen. I don't seem to have it saved or I'd post it myself.
>>46541234
Thank you David Foster Anon for Infinite Keks
>>46510277
>>46510307
>>46510374
Terrible bait, 0/10 would rise to (although I suppose by even replying I sort of have)
>>46508957
asked my dm if succubus feed on semen
>>46541596
It's obvious that they do
Milk Lady if you're still here:
>What's so dreamy about this guy?
>What happens when he gets a girlfriend?
Having the gayest sex with another player after a session ended.
>>46544663
She would probabky milk cuck his gf which is like cucking except it's whose milk he unknowingly grows addicted to and prefers to ingest.
>>46544910
I don't get how that's supposed to be embarrassing.
Telling us is a lot worse.
>>46544910
Come on, just how gay could it have been?
>what's your name
>look at character sheet to remember
>no, your actual name
>look at character sheet to remember
I haven't lived that down in over twelve years
>>46509713
Saying no can actually save your games as a DM, more DMs need to learn how to say no. Imagine you want to run a low fantasy game and a player wants to be a demigod, or half-dragon or whatever. Saying "yes but" and then altering the concept so that it fits your game is effectively saying no, but in a way that makes you feel better.
>>46511401
Now that I see how much it rustles you, I'll be posting it regularly until I finally get bored of it myself. :^) Enjoy.
>>46539542
I know, right?
We're the best
I played a female Drow Rogue who really, really terribly hit on Mephistopheles in the middle of his court in Cania. I rolled charisma checks of 1, 1, 1, and 2, and shaped my roleplaying based on that.
Actually, never mind, I loved doing that and experienced no embarrassment at all, even though I should have.
I rolled four 1s in a row once, its chance but it was still embarrassing as fuck considering i was a level 10 paladin smiting a Wyrmling black dragon
>>46510169
The first step is admitting it, anon.
>>46531303
Yes. It is.
>>46530507
Being the gm of the group, and getting called out on my bs. I never bothered to learn the rules if any system and just made up shit as I went (I've written stories before so it wasn't total rubbish).Then someday a new player joins the group and I blatantly lied about it. The other players now think she's stupid and/or a liar.
When they found out I was a virgin, the players and DM paid a delivery girl to take my v card in another room.
>>46551274
They're just salty about caster supremacy so they conspired to rob you of your wizardom.
>>46551274
Did you fug?
>>46512688
>I invited the one girl in our group to prom, she said she prefered the session.
ouch
I decided to cut off a Death Giant's head for a trophy, missed and accidentally cut off my own foot. That sucked.
>>46552416
Yeah, that's what they paid her for.
>>46528179
>Already got the info
>Offering them tit pics
Yeah no. It might've been excusable if you had been trying to bribe them with that, but jesus christ that's some cringey shit.
>>46551274
Where the fuck do you live that pizza delivery girls moonlight as prostitutes?
>>46508982
Please tell me this was outside of the game Munchkin. If it wasn't, i understand and pity you, if it was, please please tell me the circumstances of how that happened.
>>46554832
He's referencing the story of a player who had no idea what a gazebo was and started acting all cautious and asking questions for several minutes like it was a monster. The DM didn't immediately catch on to his ignorance and was baffled with all the questions. Once he did he was so sick of the back and forth ("IT'S A GAZEBO!") he fiated that the gazebo ate his character.
>>46554982
Thank you.
For shame, Gazebonon, for shame.
>>46508957
>As far as tabletop stuff goes, what's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
In order my top two are:
1. Entering into an S&M relationship as a result of shit going on at the table.
2. Narrating a group of teenagers' fantasy realm.
>>46539883
Go back to sucking Fa/tg/uy milk if you like your Roman faggotry anon.
What the hell is a gazebo?
>>46508957
I fell in love with a character I made, and tried to jerk off to her under the table during a session.
>>46508957
I once entirely forgot a system I was going to use for game night and free form winged it the whole way.players had fun but I feel really bad about it
>>46508957
Not me, but a guy in a game I played in almost got killed by a swarm of crawdads. He only lived through DM fiat, because death by crawdad is kind of shitty.
>>46530507
>>46530827
>>46530925
>>46531121
>>46531309
Somebody needs to screencap this shit.
>>46510277
So I am as bi guy is unable to roleplay anything? Seems about right. See, I can even partially agree that if you play something you're attracted to then that is enjoyable partially because of that aspect, but assuming every person/character of a certain gender is someone's type, with no margin for personal preference, is ludicrous.
>There is literally no justifiable narrative reason to play as a female when you are a male IRL.
Is probably the best you got, and I think it is fucking stupid when my fellow male players think the party is too much of a sausage fest and therefore make a female character. Some characters work better as female though, as boys and girls are different in many ways, no matter what your virgin ass believes.
>>46558717
It's pasta bro.
>>46539429
You hold your fucking horses there mister.
"Uff da" is either said in the midwest around where I live or in fucking Germany.
Do you live near sodak because I have only heard the people around here say that.
>>46560085
South Australia actually, I just picked it up from Fargo 'cos I recently binged the first season.
>>46508957
During a verry shitty game, I took all my things and left in the middle of the session, not saying anything, in plain view. Never went back.
The looks they gave me are the kind of crap that make you cringe when you remember them.
>>46560085
Oh weird.
Oddly enough the people who say it are from Fargo, here.
>>46539429
>sexual assault
I'm sure "Forced Man Milk Feeding" falls under some form of legitimate sex crime, but I don't think a lady's milk does.
>>46530507
Oneitis really is a mental illness.
All I advise is that you be ready for the fallout when you do get caught.
We once had a girl that was masturbating under the table with a carrot she had pilfered from the GM's fridge. After that session we never saw her again.
I would advise that you just ask the faggot or do something like suck his dick when he's not expecting it, but I'm sure you've already been told that multiple times.
>>46560130
>South Australia
Maaaate.
Want to have a game some time?
>>46516168
In character or IRL. This is important.
>>46544910
Wish I could have gay sex after a session.
Or just regular sex.
It's such a metaphorical and literal pain in the ass trying to play /tg/ while having gay sex.
>>46560335
Melbanon here, can I join in?
I might even DM...
>>46558300
It's a creature from D&D that looks like innocent wooden gazebo, but is in fact man eating abomination.
>>46560154
Why did you leave?
>>46561593
Many reasons.
The game was piched as action & investigation, when in reality there really was no action and "investigation" meant "roll while in a room until you succeed and get a clue". Apparently I couldn't fucking see a gigantic blood blot under a carpet while looking directly at it, until after I succeeded my Search check.
Second, the players were some of the most cringey, garbage-tier roleplayers, treating my character as his class and stripping him of personality. See, I was playing the Scum, but story-wise, I was a decomissioned law enforcer and acted the part. Doesn't matter, "he looks like scum, don't trust him." But those are the softball rounds, let's get to the real shit.
At one point we start discussing backstories and I start hearing the most insane, idiotic, incomprehensibly insulting mary sue trash I've heard in my entire life. I go and ask the GM if he knew about those shitpile backstories and I got a flat "yes". I walked away after a minute and sent them a message that I wont come again. 10 hours of my life wasted.
>>46548829
Haha I understand anon
>>46540726
No, I don't have the recipe.
>>46512688
kek
>>46557611
>Narrating a group of teenagers' fantasy realm
More context for this
>>46565909
>More context for this
Alright then.
>Want to run game.
>Cousin sees my notes, asks if he can be in it
>Gather a bunch of other friends, couple of cousin's friends.
>Playing Apocalypse World
>Early in 1st session, things go weird.
>Group makes sex toys currency.
>Sets town in brothel city called Gaping Holes
>Girl playing Skinner becomes serial rapist.
>Cousin beats random people in the streets and defecates on them.
>Everybody goes full magical realm from there, with them screwing everything around them.
>Everyone apparently decided at some point that they would literally play it out like the apocalypse, and just decided to fuck their brains out until the world extinguishes.
And I played out all of it. One of them died, then the game tapered off.
>>46557611
Please tell us about 1
>>46508957
After a session, I went home and masturbated to one of the characters the DM had created and roleplayed as
>>46566323
>Please tell us about 1
Alright.
>Run game at FLGS
>Playing D&D 4th Edition.
>Everybody encouraged to bring a backstory.
>One girl comes.
>Goth clothes and shit.
>Bit on the too chubby side, but cute.
>Everyone brings their homemade sheets (we gave a list of valid supplements)
>Reading through backstories to grab various NPC ideas and plot hooks.
>Secret prince, amnesia rogue, bunch of other cliches
>Come to goth girl's sheet.
>Hand-drawn on white paper, artsy border and everything, very gothy
>Start reading backstory.
>Essentially former slave barbarian gladiator. Somewhat cliche, but cool.
>Notice that the backstory is little about the character, and mostly about her former master.
>Obviously wants former master as key NPC.
>Describes how her character hates him, yet can't bring herself to resist his commands.
>Essentially, character is questing for way to end her bond to him. Needs the other PCs to protect her from him, because he's the only being she is helpless to.
>Not bad, decide to go with it.
To be continued.
>>46566652
Sessions 1-3; forgot to mention the last one was submission day for my game. People turned in a sheet if they wanted into that campaign. Speaking parts are paraphrased, I don't know exact words and I have a specific way I type anyways.
>First week of campaign, we introduce each other and we jump into a quick scenario.
>During scenario, we introduce a couple key characters. Not Goth Girl's
>Obvious disappointment from her, but she plays good. Knows her class well.
>Good enough that she's killstealing group munchkin. He ends up retiring from campaign.
>Group likes her more for that, gives me incentive to introduce her NPC too.
>Second Week
>Already spoiled to her that her NPC is going to premiere. She shows up all smiles.
>Whole group gathers, people pretty pumped.
>Finally reach point in campaign where he's brought in.
>By the end of scene, she isn't smiling.
>I feel like total shit.
>Afterwards, go up to her.
>"I'm sorry if I didn't really do the character the way you wanted it."
>"Oh no, it was fine. It's just... I didn't think you did the voice right".
>I say "Well, I'm here on these days of the week, you can come by and I'll work with you on getting the voice right."
>All smiles again "I'll come the next day you're here!"
>Surprised at how much this matters to her.
>3rd Session with her, not actual game.
>I ask her what she wants, she gives detailed response.
>Voice needs to be low and gravelly. I have to speak angrier. Stop calling her woman, he thinks of her as a thing. He calls her Whole as a nickname (that's how I wrote it, but I'm not sure that's what she meant). He's never gentle, he's never kind. He doesn't request, he commands. If he asks a question, it's rhetorical. So on and so forth (those are what I remember).
>After an hour of doing it, finally get it the way she wants it.
>Asks me to repeat the line over and over.
>Notice she's blushing more as I do it.
>After a while tells me to stop and we call it a day.
Uh, I can stop I guess.
>>46567096
Go on man. I want to see the dirty submissive goth mess you got into.
>>46567096
>Uh, I can stop I guess
Unf, you nasty person. Right as the story's getting good, you stop telling it? Ooh, you dirty tease, you're doing this to me on purpose, aren't you?
Keep going. I want more. God, I need it, I NEED your storytime SO BAD. PLEASE.No but seriously keep going, this is just getting good. You're good at telling it.
>>46568423
If it's still here when I get back.Consider it a preview of what she made me into.
>>46566652
>Secret prince, amnesia rogue, bunch of other cliches
I would have nope'd out right there
I really cannot stand the "secret heir" bullshit
bumping for the rest of the story
Got super wasted and broke out into song.
>>46567096
Alright, I'm back, starting up now.
>>46571172
>I would have nope'd out right there
When you run public games, you get numb of cliches. Either that or you snap and become a shit GM.
>Session 4
>Third week of game.
>Goth Girl returns, super-excited for the first game since practice.
>Get into game, interesting intrigue plot where her former master is trying to blackmail a lord into letting him bring his sex traffick to local city by holding his daughter hostage.
>As they get closer to stronghold, barbarian suddenly becomes somewhat chicken.
>Tells the group to go ahead and try to find the hostage. Stays behind apparently out of fear.
>Group thinks she's roleplaying true fear. I can tell by the way she's blushing that she's too into it.
>Decide to finally give her what she wants, have main villain sneak up on her during escape scene.
>"Hello, Hole! It's about time you returned for your leash...."
>She starts shivering, quietly balks resistance. "Please, I... I don't want to fight you"
>I bellow loudly in his voice "Did if fucking say you could draw your axe on me?!"
>Her face goes beet red and she shies up.
>Starts crying, whispers "I'm sorry master."
>Guys in group get fired up. Totally pumped to save her.
>End up make him flee the scene, her character collapsed in fear during most of the fight.
>Whole group thinks she's the best roleplayer ever.
>After game, she texts me while sitting at her seat to see her after everyone leaves.
>Go to her, she quietly says she has a request.
>"I need a towel. Please don't tell anyone...."
>Totally soaked her chair.
>mfw
To be continued.
>>46574584
>Session 7 or 8
>Group has largely given up on the other NPCs. Very interested in her villain.
>Had no name before, but they start to call him Redchain because of their tendency to find bloody chains wherever he is.
>Been pursuing him for several sessions now, everyone whiteknighting goth girl.
>Eventually corner him in massive warehouse.
>Of course its filled with chains.
>Open up epic battle. Boss leaping from rafters using the chains as weapons from near the roof.
>Fight goes awesomely. Group fights to climb building from inside while being assaulted by boss.
>Ends in climactic finish, with villain being thrown from the rafters.
>As soon as he dies, goth girl screams "NO!!!!!"
>Freaks out and leaves game.
>Group feels super bad.
>Text to ask if she's okay.
>Doesn't answer for days.
To be continued two more times, I think.
>>46575305
>Finally texts back.
>Ask why she hasn't come.
>Says she's not interested anymore.
>I ask if I can come and talk to her.
>She says no at first.
>"I'll do the voice for old times sake".
>Caves to my request.
>I try to convince her to come back.
>She tells me it doesn't feel the same knowing she won't have that character anymore.
>Tell her "undeath is a thing in the setting, maybe I can work it out".
>She says it won't be the same, starts to tell me I should leave.
>Finally realize what I have to do and switch my voice.
>"I should apologize."
>"What for?"
>Grab her arm and throw her against wall. "For implying that you have a choice."
>Her face goes red, she starts to sweat, and her voice cracks. "No, please don't..."
>"Did I ask for your goddamned input on the matter?!"
>Shakes head quietly.
>"Good, then you'd better--"
>Mid-sentence, she shoves tongue down my throat.
>Totally caught off guard by it, hit the ground next to her bed.
>"I'm sorry I'm such a filthy slut! I need to be punished! Hurt me!"
>I'm super-confused, slap her on the face lightly.
>"YOU CAN'T BE REDCHAIN! REDCHAIN WOULDN'T HIT LIKE THAT!!! BE A MAN"
>Reach back far, deck her in face.
>She goes limp and hits the ground.
>I freak out, think I totally knocked her unconscious.
>She's moving, I'm relieved.
>Roll her over to inspect damage.
>Sits right up and starts unzipping pants.
I'll stop that part there and continue the story, but I got something that rhymes with "snowjob".
![tumblr_n52wy9aCuQ1tb05e5o1_500[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/7ti7SF9.jpg "tumblr_n52wy9aCuQ1tb05e5o1_500[1].jpg")
>>46575561
>>46575305
>>46574584
>>46567096
>>46566652
>>46575561
Final part folks
>Go all in with S&M kick.
>Buy several hundred dollars of bluetooth-controlled toys, specifically so I can fuck with her in public.
>She absolutely loves it.
>Returns to group with new character, not a slave freak. Wants to go back in the closet, with only me knowing.
>Group doesn't notice that she only blushes when I check my phone.
>I make her send me upskirt photos at all times of day, even when she's at work.
>When I'm over, I make her talk on the phone while I'm fucking her.
>Drag her into bathrooms to do the deed too.
It was a pretty good relationship. Shame it couldn't work out.
>>46575561
>>46575305
>>46574584
>>46567096
>>46566652
Shit that never happened.
>>46575788
>Shit that never happened.
I only told the story because someone asked. I don't care if you believe.
>>46575819
>I care so little about what you think that I posted to disagree with what you said
Sure, kiddo.
I don't believe. You probably samefagged to "ask" yourself too.
>>46575788
>>46575867
Why do you have to be such a dick, dude? This isn't /a/
>>46567096
>submission day
I see what you did there.
>>46576111
I don't get it
>>46576004
Oh I'm sorry, am I spoiling your enjoyment of this retarded obviously-bullshit story about a totes qt3.14 submissive goth gurl who soaked her chair in le public?
Because if you've got enough brain damage to pretend to yourself that this shit ever happened, then you can presumably just tap your head against the nearest wall and forget all about my big fat party-pooper posts too.
Cunt.
>>46576698
What made you so jaded, man?
>>46576744
What made you so gullible? It's a nice story if you like that sort of thing, but it's so obviously, blatantly not true.
>>46576778
Maybe it's bullshit, maybe it's true.
What do you gain by being a dick about it?
Why are you so angry?
>>46576907
I'm not even >>46576698 I just think that blindly believing random shit strangers tell you is incredibly annoying, especially when they insist that it's anything but a story. Scepticism should be the norm, not the exception.
>>46508957
Gone out in public with my group for dinner.
Sweet Jesus I have never seen such a circus.
> be at GM's house playing D&D
> have to go to bathroom
> thinking about random halfling shit on the way
> suddenly I stop mid-step
> spideysense.jpg
> take a few steps back and look under cupboard
> see pic related
> hear total silence
> look back to see group staring at me
> btw I'm Jewish
> I've never lived it down
> "anon, while you walk through the market you see a doubloon on the ground"
> "the merchant wants twelve rubies for the sword by anon haggles it down to 2, no need to roll, I trust you"
> "there are 7 chests but annon only senses gold in the middle one"
> I swear I only saw the fucker 'cause of the red on it
>>46577202
Is it true that the source of your Kabbalistic powers of merchantry and thrift come from your nose, or is the tiny hat the focus for your magiks?
>>46577202
>being ashamed of your money-sense super power
You must be one of them "self hating" Jews
>>46578119
I don't think there's any other kind.
>>46509493
Same thb
>>46576698
>in le public
You know, you didn't have to stick a random ironic "le" in there, but you did anyway. I can let that pass. But did you really have to stick it in front of the word it made possibly the least sense to put it in front of?
>>46577107
>I'm not even them, but...
How fitting that I don't believe you on that
>>46560085
I'm from the fucking midwest, but not the one you asked
Central Minnesota, not a lot of uff das here, but we are close enough to it to hear them on occasion
![aeb6a7cbb9db82cc0edfe8b9c86faf37[1].gif](https://i.imgur.com/31pT0ha.gif "aeb6a7cbb9db82cc0edfe8b9c86faf37[1].gif")
>>46582400
>How fitting that I don't believe you on that
>>46576778
>>46576907
You two are a couple of whiney asses aren't you?
>>46575755
Man, you can't give us the beginning and middle of the story without giving us the end.
How'd it end?
I fell asleep at the table one time while the GM was describing to the team of player-exterminators what they found in the next room.
I was the GM.
>>46584013
>How'd it end?
We broke up. She didn't want to have kids (at all, not even the slightest), I did, and she wasn't kosher with me having another girlfriend.
>>46586759
>>46509713
>didn't know that the proper answer as a dm is never 'no'
But this is completely wrong and bad GMing. Sometimes you just have to say 'no' to retarded shit and that's it.
>>46586870
I really did tell all the good parts to the story. After the fun, it was a bunch of drama because I actually wanted to start considering the future and she didn't. And she wasn't happy that I wouldn't be satisfied without kids (she gave me a massive overpopulation speech one night to change my mind).
It happens.
>>46510307
I can't believe /tg/ hasn't seen this before.
>>46588958
It's not the most common copypasta out there. Still, you're right. It should be recognized.
>>46508957
I made a little girl cry, by accident, when DM'ing.
The party was captured, and she gave a defiant speech to the villain. The villain heard her out, asked if she was done, then shot her animal companion in front of her.
I felt fucking awful afterward.
>>46589031
Harsh, anon. I like it.
>character is about to save the day and beat the BBEG
>everyone else is in rough shape, it's all on him
>even yelled his attacks name
>misses
FUCK
>>46589031
What animal was it?
>>46589031
Damn, man. Did you kill it?
The animal companion, I mean.
I shamed a new guy for saying his character was raised by dragons at the FLGS when he joined a game I was DMing.
I don't really even remember the circumstances. Maybe I was tired, or was just tired of all the shitty characters. Maybe it was because he was bragging about how he was the only actual roleplayer there and the others were just rollplayers - or maybe that came later and he hadn't said that before I insulted him.
But it doesn't excuse it. I have a pang of regret over it even today. And it's not like the guy was hurt, he played in my games for over a year and invited me to a private game elsewhere.
Just bad memories. Bleh.
>>46548917
I'm looking forward to your next shitpost anon.
