How to remove players from your gaming group?
We meet in person btw.
There's a guy who I'm friends with who I though I'd like to play with. He said he can only come if his pseudo-girlfriend can come as well. I agree to this.
The girl is a nightmare. Constantly making her characters overly sexual, often times asking if she can seduce male NPCs, often times just saying things like "because I'm a girl". Her characters are complete self-inserts so she can play as herself, she has no idea what she's doing and doesn't care, and blows up when you try to help her. I have to make her character's stats for her so she can play. To make things worse, if she leaves, she's taking our friend with her. They spend all their time together and have canceled one time because she was in a bad mood and he had to comfort her.
The guy is perfectly fine, but removing him from the group is worth it if she leaves as well. What can I do to get rid of this girl? She has stopped me from looking forward to our weekly game night, and all other players aside from her pseudo-boyfriend have agreed that they want her out.
We discussed it, and our current plan is to cancel this Friday and tell her that we're not playing this week. We will then play on Saturday. The next week, we will either not invite her, or simply tell her that the current game is over, or that we will be taking a break from playing. None of these seem like good options and will only end with her having a legendary meltdown and stopping at least one of our players from continuing to come each week.
>>46451219
Have you tried just saying "hey cut that shit out?"
If that doesn't work, then just kick her.
>>46451237
We have said it, and she just laughs it off the first time and gets pissed the second time. The third time she fucking cries. We want to just kick her but we aren't sure how to go about do it.
How to communicate with people? You fucking speak with them.
>>46451253
honesty is the best policy just tell them straight out she is a nightmare and you see no chance of her changing you would like to continue playing with the guy but if they are going to make it a one or thing then they can leave.
If you are worried about other players being used for politics, talk to the rest of the group sans them, and have the while group bring it up their problems together.
Don't bother taking her aside if she is going to act like she knows better and ignore the warnings you give on behalf of everyone else.
You probably either gotta talk to the guy bringing her and convince him to stop bringing her, or lose both. He won't take well to you being underhanded unless he's also in on it. Which he probably won't be. So try diplomacy first with him. Maybe try to get him to help reform her?
You may also try ignoring her outbursts. She sounds like a pretty typical controlling/entitled brat. Sometimes just showing "no, we aren't going to put up with you" helps control the outbursts, and may get her to leave on get own accord (although hey boyfriend may leave with her).
Luckily, her being controlling might be fixable. She may be unfamiliar with your pecking order, aka DM is on top of it. You may be able to teach her and get her to assimilate or leave.
>>46451253
She sounds like she has issues from what I'm hearing.
Either tell her to play properly, and threaten to legitimately kick her if she doesn't.
Or have an intervention where you all just sit down and discuss it like civilized adults. And then kick both of them anyways.
Also, kind of confused at what you meant by pseudo-girlfriend at the beginning?
>>46451219
>He said he can only come if his pseudo-girlfriend can come as well
If this is his personal decision of including her: he needs to understand that you can still be a functioning couple without complete involvement. A couple isn't two people "completing each other", it's two complete people enhancing each other by their own interactions.
If it is her decision of forced inclusion: she is emotionally manipulating him and this is abusive to demand involvement.
Worst case scenario: you lose them both to the game. It's terrible, but here's the thing: you're playing a game. Every player needs to play by the same rules, otherwise enjoyment is sacrificed by some or all. If she won't play your way (without what the rest of you consider intrusive or distractingly unnecessary characterization and lack of involvement in mechanics), then tell her this isn't her scene and that it's becoming a detriment to the group. If she pitches a fit, good riddance. If she tries to take the guy with her, tell him it's his life and his decision and not to be manipulated. If he allows himself to, well, shit. You'd better be willing to accept the loss of them both while still aiming high.
>>46451219
>pseudo girlfriend
???
Also, assuming this is an actual real thing that is really real (of which I am entirely skeptical), it sounds like she's got some serious issues that need resolving that are completely unrelated to the game. Tell her you've noticed these, that she needs to deal with them, and that they're having a serious, negative impact on the game.
However she reacts beyond that is gonna be a complicated mess, but take it from personal experience: things like that only get worse if they're left to spiral. You're not doing anyone any favors by just letting her be an ass.
>>46451219
Tell your bro that she's being a disruption and the entire table is in agreement that if she doesn't want to contribute, or at least sit on the side and watch, then she needs to go. If he bails, that sucks, but it's honestly better to lose one good player than to have one shit player bring the entire thing to a grinding halt.
To be quite honest though, the guy is a total puss if he can't get it through his girl's skull that he has hobbies beyond her vagina and manic depression. I don't consider the concept of his loss to be too major an impact to the game if a that guy is his caveat for even being present at the table.
>>46451219
>They spend all their time together and have canceled one time because she was in a bad mood and he had to comfort her.
Ugh, that sounds unhealthy. Isn't that co-dependency?
I lost a friend to a relationship like that not too long ago. Haven't seen him in over a year. Haven't even talked to him over Facebook.
>>46451290
>>46451298
>Either tell her to play properly, and threaten to legitimately kick her if she doesn't.
These sound like the best options to me. Give a firm warning, which may even deter them from coming anyway. If they stay and she continues her act, then put an end to it.
If you want to try and soften the blow for your friend, I'd recommend giving the warning to him first, privately without either his "girlfriend" or the rest of the group (unless they're as good of friends with him as you are, in which case maybe one other person; but not too many, because you don't want him to think you're ganging-up on him). Just explain the situation to him without her hovering over his shoulder, and maybe he'll get the gist of it and do his best to communicate it to her. I doubt that'll stop her (and may get her to quit prematurely, as well as him), but it'll at least allow you to talk to your friend and is the best way I can see doing it without the risk of a scene.
>Click verify once there are none left.
Okay, seriously Captcha, this shit needs to stop.
>>46451324
> >Also, kind of confused at what you meant by pseudo-girlfriend at the beginning?
> It is incredibly complicated. She has a boyfriend, he is single, they have a weird creepy romance thing going on. He feels guilty.
> It's not really a detail that needs to be said but it causes issues. Consider them a troubled couple who argues all the time but spend every waking moment of their fucking lives together.
Yeah now might be a good time for an intervention...
Do not allow this wound to fester.
Do not play social games and do not extend it.
If you do not come up with a rock solid, unflinching "You have disrupted our game nights in a unreasonable manner, do not return", this will ruin your group. This is you guys' off time. It's supposed to be fun, not babysitting babby's first nervous breakdown
>>46451351
This is probably the best plan but I may have already fucked it up. The other members of my group have basically said "we want her out, so you need to do something." I kind of tried to lower the pressure and stress on me by saying "The other want her out" without saying my opinion. He had an intense overreaction to it and basically abruptly hung up over skype.
>>46451219
Why are those assholes flipping off that poor dog?
>>46451219
>>46451290
>>46451298
>>46451351
Supporting these answers.
Likely scenario is that you lose both players. Feels bad right now, but it won't be that bad in practice.
Your friend is in a bad relationship, but this is one of those lessons of life that he's clearly going to learn the hard way. Best thing you can do as a friend is be supportive and keep a place open to him. Hopefully he'll realize soon, at which point he may return. Or worse case he'll get in deep until the girl finds a new relationship.
>>46451430
Sounds to me like problem solved.
APC destroyed, mission accomplished.
>>46451590
It was more of an overreaction like "Tell her yourself, deal with it. I can't tell her or she'll kill me. I'm leaving bye."
>>46451219
Have a good talk with the friend that you don't hate him, but his girl doesn't fit with the group and so she has to be removed, and you're sorry because you know he will go with her.
>>46451219
Have you talked to your friend privately about it? Some guys are joined at the hip to their girlfriends, but some recognize when a girl they like is also a total bitch and don't have a problem keeping them somewhat separate from their friends. It sounds like she doesn't like you guys or the game anyway, so it might work to let him handle it on his end.
If that doesn't work, or you aren't willing to try, then the method you've come up with is probably the best. Stop the game, take a few weeks off, reschedule things at another time, don't invite him or her back.
Now, for me, I've done this several times, and it's never been a problem. But I am perfectly comfortable cutting people out of things, and I, and most of my friends, can keep my mouth shut. If I don't want even a close friend to know something, I can usually just not let them. I know some people can't keep secrets, or are part of a telegraph social circle, or have those creepy friends who borderline stalk them and are always trying to push their way into everything they do and have tantrums when not included. If you have those types of friends, this won't work. But if you have those types of friends, you should probably get better friends for a whole lot of reasons.
What the fuck is a pseudo girlfriend?
>>46451987
Parasite that gives you hope but never really cares about your feelings. Many popular twitch gamers have those, for example.
>>46451219
Kill off her characters in the most gruesome of ways.
>>46451640
Take this from somebody who has been through lots of similar situations: forget this guy and move on with your life.
Also, stop trying to "defuse the situation" and other bullshit. Just stop dancing around the problem. Tell him literally: "your female friend is driving everyone crazy. she is no longer welcome."
If he's not willing to tell her that, then he's going to be a problem for your group as much as she is. And if *you* arent willing to tell *him* that, then you apparently don't want to fix the problem.
>>46452080
Oh, so strung-along.
Man, OP's friend has an even bigger problem than a co-dependent relationship.
>>46452153
All right, you're completely right.
I've got a few of the other players on my side. I guess we'll just cancel this Friday and tell her at an opportune time.
>Hey stop that
>"no"
>then fuck off
there isn't some magical way that everyone comes away please with.
People have conflicts.
Make a campaign with premade characters and make her character non-sexual to the extreme. Either she quits playing or learns to play non-sexual character.
>>46451253
Who the fuck cares if she cries? Kick her ass out of there and her tears with it.
In my opinion, the rest of the players should be just as responsible about getting her out.
The passive "let the DM deal with it" attitude that players take when similar conflicts happen in other groups is pathetic.
You're the DM, but this is everyone's gaming experience. If they want her out as much as you do, then they'd better fucking help you do it.
>>46451324
>>46451219
Stop playing with complete pussy-whipped tools and cheaters.
>>46451640
>>46451430
Well damn, he's fucked. That's real unhealthy relationship.
Boot her from the game, try to keep interaction with your bro wherever else possible.
>>46451219
You're describing a cluster B personality disorder. You ain't gonna win, just kick her.
>>46453199
>cluster B personality disorder
Ok is that a real thing or are you just elaborately calling her a bitch?
>>46453199
>pervasive disregard for the law and the rights of others.
>extreme "black and white" thinking (but I try to control that, honestly)
> instability in relationships, self-image, identity and behavior often leading to self-harm and impulsivity.
Am I fucked, doc?
>>46453212
Real thing. Met a few, they would fit the description you're giving. Could be borderline personality or something related.
>>46453217
Hey you forgot
>a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy
although, two points:
1)Seeming by the name cluster, I read that as enough by having only one of those.
2)As always in self-diagnosis by vague symptom descriptions, you are exaggerating it the fuck out.
GIRL IN GAME WHAT DO COPYPASTA OLDER THAN YOUR CHILDREN.
1-ask your players to give her one last chance
2-tell him to set that bitch straight because she is behaving wrong. remember him that everyone is happy to see them both playing as long as they play well, but it's weird that she get to decide everything about him ( is she a manipulative bitch, isn't she?)
>>46451219
Wtf why is noone asking the important question?
Is she hot, OP?
>>46453624
Because we are all reasonable adults with families. Why should we care about another rotten teenager? She is probably heroine addict and terrorist anyway.
>>46453641
Speak for yourself. I'm an unreasonable adult without a family.
I don't want to know if she's hot though. She sounds crazy possessive. Don't stick your dick in possessive.
>>46453722
>Don't stick your dick in possessive.
Because it can possess your dick?
>>46453229
Looked on wikipedia:
>Histrionic personality disorder (DSM-IV code 301.50): pervasive attention-seeking behavior including inappropriately seductive behavior and shallow or exaggerated emotions.
My god. It seems to perfectly describe that girl OP is speaking about.
>>46453641
speak for yourself.
i am a reasonable, yet psychotic young adult without a family and without a job and my reasons to not give that woman any power in a game group are :
1- she is a girl and girl are bad under every aspect
2- she sounds possessive and more psychotic than me.
>>46451219
>she has no idea what she's doing and doesn't care, and blows up when you try to help her
Sounds like you're a really fucking annoying GM/co-player. What the fuck do you mean under "trying to help her"? Jesus fuck, these helping people are the first I throw out of the group, because everyone hates them. They're also convinced that other players are the source of the problem, which is exactly why I throw them out.
Back on point, to throw someone out you stop inviting them and they get the hint. Depending on what your relationship is like, you may want to split the group or promise to do so. There's no perfectly cute way to do any fo this.
>>46453771
You do know that being means you're out of touch with reality and that is like opposite of reasonable? Also, the girl OP is speaking about doesn't sound like psychotic, but more like personality disorder.
>>46453806
>lso, the girl OP is speaking about doesn't sound like psychotic, but more like personality disorder
allright.
>You do know that being means you're out of touch with reality and that is like opposite of reasonable?
nah, i am not so out of touch. but i do know girls are mostly demonic succubi and to be avoided in your gaming.
>>46453933
Psychotic literally means that you have a poor grasp on reality. If you say you're psychotic then nobody has to trust your opinion on anything.
>>46451219
Be honest with her. Just announce that the group has decided that you aren't comfortable with large amounts of sex in the campaign without directing it at her. Afterall, the DM is the one who has to keep roleplaying it. If she doesn't know what she is doing, then leave her behind. If she makes stupid decisions and refuses to abide, then do a group vote and overall her. Stop making character stats for her. Tell if she doesn't do it then she doesn't have a character.
Basically, take a hardline stance and ignore her bullshit, like you would with a kid who is having a tantrum. She will either leave of her own accord or try to confront you at which point just tell her to leave.
