>>46310299
Female
Edna Blaze

Ending votes at 25.
If anybody else feels like visiting...

Androgynous and devoid of any sexual features.
Alex Rands

>>46310853
Ooookay, extending the votes to 30, I'll start writing in the meantime.

>>46310853
Not sure if trying to please or frustrate Slaanesh

>>46310853
Welp, sorry Alex but Edna came in first.
Finishing writing and posting.

"Do I look like an Ork, you moron?" While the voice is rasped, it is undeniably female.
"Ugh, you know the protocol. If you don't answer, I'll have to fetch the Commissar and you know his take on the matter..."
"Alright, fine... It's me, Edna."
"Edna what?"
"Screw you!"
"Okay, see you later..."
The silhouette hurries forward. Soon enough she comes in sight of the sentry.
"Wait, wait, wait... Edna Blaze, alright?"
"Hmm, you mean the annoying bitch that can't stand when you say her last name?"
"Don't push your luck, you know it's me! I have intel I need to give to the Commissar."
"Alright sweetheart, come on in."
Sure enough, the door opens and she steps in the decontamination chamber. A quick rinse later, she takes of her helmet to reveal a burning mane oddly fitting her name.
The interior is bare, and even though the sentry is in, no one else seems to be present.
"Hey baby, you sure you don't have time for me? I'm sure I can make you forget the Com-"
Swirling around, Edna gives what can most accurately be described as a "brutal uppercut" and as she prepares the follow-up punch, she hears someone approaching.

>Punch/kick him one more time
>Turn around an see who it is
>Write-in

>>46311035
>Turn around an see who it is
Don't wanna be executed if it's the commisar.

>>46311035
Threaten the pervy guardsman loudly about what he did to make sure the approaching figure knows you're human and in turn signal the reason you just decked a fellow guardsman.

>>46311035
Still writing...

>>46311265
Whoops forgot the name.

"I don't think the Commissar is gonna like that at all, you douche. If he knows what you did..."
"I if I know what?"
Oh shit the Commissar himself! Edna quickly falls into a salute and the sentry rises up as much as he can manage.
"Oh Sir, you're right on time! As I was explaining to this sentry, I was to deliver some crucial intel to you, but he... insisted I stay to *entertain* him rather than seeing you."
The Commissar looks at the sentry, then at Edna. After a long silence, he slowly speaks up: "Very well. Guardsman Blaze, is it? Follow me, you still have to give me your report. As for you Letilier, how about you go patrol the campgrounds?"
The sentry looks visibly relieved. Apparently not his first offense... He goes to take his mask when the Commissar stops.
"No, Letilier. Don't take your mask. You won't need it."
As the blood drains form Letilier's face, Edna follows the Commissar as he starts walking towards his quarters. Edna visibly hesitates to give her report on the moment, but after what happened, she isn't willing to take any risks...
A few rooms later, and Edna finally enters the Commissar's room. As bare as possible, it still possess this kind of authentic austerity one can only achieve through discipline.
"I believe you have something to say to me, Guardsman."
"Ah, yes Sir!"
>Start with the state of the patrol
>Give the positions of the last remaining enemies.
>Write-in

>>46311358
Enemy disposition is always a good start. Unless there was something more interesting...

>>46311358
>Give the positions of the last remaining enemies.
The most important things first.

Edna takes out the notes she quickly scribbled.
"Apparently, there are orks laying in ambush around Point Gamma. They are waiting in what appears to be an old rundown castle, but so far we haven't been able to know their numbers."
She quickly takes a look at her notes before going on.
"Between the base and point Gamma, we discovered fifteen orc corpses. Though some of them may still be alive, we believe that the majority is too affected by the nervegas to do anything worthwile."
She puts back the paper in one of her pockets.
"We've also got a report from the outpost around the caldera that no other orks have been seen. They have recieved themselves a report saying that a troup of Nobz has been spotted at the East. They don't look like they are trying to take the outpost, though."
As the commissar opens his eyes, he takes a scroll and begins writing. After a bit of silence, Edna understands she should finish her report.
"Otherwise, the status of the patrol is as expected. We've lost Jenkins, who ruptured his suit when trying to get a choppa out of an corpse. He wanted to take it as a trophy. Otherwise, the Sergeant had to give the Emperor's mercy to a guardsmen who had been affected by the gas."
The commissar's eyebrows raise up. While visibly interested, he can't let Edna know or something potentially important may get out...
"This guardsman. What was he doing there?"
"We don't know. He was too affected by the gas to speak, but we could see he was already wounded."
"Wounded you say? What kind of wound was that?"
Edna paused before answering as truthfully as she could: "To be honest Sir, I didn't see. The sergeant told me it was like all the front had melted off. Only the gas prevented him from going in shock from the pain."
"Very well guardsman. You can dispose."
>Cont.

Edna walked up to the door, and opened it. As she was about to step outside, she saw in the corner of her eye that someone was waiting. Weird fellow, all dressed in black.
She gestured him to get in and he stood still, without a word. Shrugging, Edna wondered where to go after the door closed behind her.
>A good shower would be nice after all this effort.
>Taking some grub couldn't hurt.
>What about seeing if anybody was around in the quarters?
>Write-in

>>46311894
Get food, hopefully meet someone at the mess hall a bit more amiable than our earlier encounter with another rank and file guardsman.

>>46311894
>Taking some grub couldn't hurt.
Every chance we get. We're guardsmen, something will probably fuck things up for us sooner or later.

>>46311894
Grub time!

>>46311894
Don't worry Anon, this is normal, I know what I'm doing.
* * * * *
You are eating your grub. Yes, that's what you are doing. It is delicious, you love it. You could taste it every-
Oh fuck this, it tastes like shit.
You're about to throw you plate on the ground when the door opens. Luckily for you, that's not the Commissar, but Edna. She quickly scans the room, and when her eyes land on you, they visibly glimmer...
"Hey, how you doing?"
You look at your plate.
"I feel like dying. Or having a cup of recaf, if you're paying."
As quickly as they were coming, the glitter in her eyes go out.
"You know, I'm not your personal piggy-bank. If you want your recaf, how about you grab it yourself?"
Well, she seems grumpier than usual. You wonder what happened before she got back from her patrol. Speaking of which...
"Hey, isn't the rest of the patrol with you? I didn't see them at all..."
"Nah, I've been sent by the Lieutenant to give intel to the Commissar. Hey, have you ever seen a weird dude with a black cloak around here?
Your eyebrows raise up.
"What, an Inquisitor or something?"
"Nah, simpler. Just a plain black cloak.
As far as you can recall, you've never seen or heard something like that. Strange. As you are about to speak your mind, the alarms all start ringing and your lieutenant barges into the room.
"All right people, we are in a state of emergency, so take your stuff and get ready to defend the base. I'm gonna need two persons to come with me to see the other supervisors. Blaze, follow me! And you..."
>Pick a name and gender

>>46312241
Female
Roanna Vape

Male
Corran Barata

Closing Votes at 55, writing.

"Okay, let's go!"
You quickly grab your backpack before moving and you note that Edna has taken what was left of your plate.
"Wait, what are you doing?"
"Eating, duh. What does it look like I'm doing?"
You facepalm. Of course, why didn't you think of that?
"You know this is an alert right, we might need to get outside! What are you going to do if we have to fight? Juggle your plate and your gun?"
You can see Lieutenant Merric stopping before you but when he stops you freeze, not knowing what to do.
"Alright, Blaze... Let me make this clear: you drop that plate before I shoot you. Am I understood? And Vape, stop paying attention to her. If she wants to get killed, it's her problem and mine."
Before the plate is even on the ground, you're far away. After the Lieutenant orders you to round up the rest of the troops in the quarters, you come back in the main room where Edna has brought all the supervisors.
"Alright, everybody listen! I'm the Lord General Jerasak Avernus. While I didn't plan on my inspection to be disrupted, that doesn't mean you will be allowed anything other than excellence."
You look at where the voice is coming from, and you see a tall man in a black cloak. Is that the man Edna was talking about?
"Put on your masks, we will be going outside! I don't know the nature of our foes yet, but I've been led to think these are not orks. As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't change much as long as we can kill them. Follow me!"
You turn to Edna who seems deep in her thoughts.
>Try to find the rest of your squad
>Go with the Lord General to battle
>Write-in

>>46312725
Shake Edna, follow Lord General into battle after you're sure your friend isn't going to be left alone in the mess and become dinner for some alien.

>>46312725
>Go with the Lord General to battle
Following orders to the letter will get us not shot.

"Hey, wake up! We're moving!"
She looks at you with what seems to be great confusion and you can see that her eyes have strange lights in them.
You blink and as you're about to ask her what those lights are, you find out they have disappeared.
"Come on, let's go!"
Almost catatonic, she follows you without a word and as you wonder what is going on with her, you hear a blast.
Almost immediately, the lights go out.
You put on your mask and you help Edna who still looks as if she is in a trance.
As you turn, you feel her hand gripping you shoulder.
"It's not there... anymore. It's gone!"
"There's no time, we need to move! You'll tell me later!"
You move into the pack of guardsmen, but the flow is too strong, and you end up being pushed back.
"Hey, let us through!"
"Wait your turn bitch, I don't want to die!"
Before you have time to answer, the wall behind you explodes. You and Edna fall down, but luckily neither of your suits is broken.
"What the..."
As you try to understand what just happened, you suddenly have a glimpse of a nightmare.
What stand before you is not just a squeleton. It's far beyond that, seeing as countless ancient runes adorn its glistening metal bones. In dead silence, it start to aim at you...
You close your eyes and hope for the best...
What would the Emperor do?
You are suddenly yanked to the side as Edna plunges on you, saving you from certain doom. But it's no use, it's still aiming at you, and this time no one will save you. Except maybe...
>The commissar?
>The Lord General?
>The lieutenant?
>Write in

>>46313153
>The lieutenant?
It's his job to keep us alive until we are killed

The lieutenant? He's just a man. But he's a very prepared man.
You open your eyes to see him lobbing a belt of grenades on the abomination. You get up and start running, praying to the Emperor that the abomination is not going to target you.
As you start to wonder if you're going to die, the whole building shakes as the thing explodes. You look back but whatever it is, it's gone for now.
The lieutenant is standing on the other side of the corridor, and he looks at you before going towards the opening. You then see him freeze up. He is slowly going to his force-sword, but before he can grab it, he is struck in the arm by a translucent emerald ray.
>Go help him
>Go away
>Write-in

Looking good ozark

>>46313460
>Write-in
Lay down covering fire

>>46310299
>Criticisim
Well i have more of a suggestion.

Next time, instead of starting off with a long speal about the situation at hand. Instead work it into a conversation between two main characters...

>>46313475
Thanks, doing my best to improve myself. I'm not sure I'm really good at this, but then again I have all the time in the world to get better.
>>46313560
Waiting for more votes, then writing.
>>46313564
I see what you mean and I'll keep that in mind.

>>46313460
Help him, though have your lasgun raised and ready for whatever just shot his arm.

>>46311358
If theres one thing i cannot stand its /tg/s belife that Commissars are the leading cause of death of guardsmen 50% of the time and racking up more guardsman kills than a Khorn Berzerker.

They'd just do what real Commissars do, or rather what Britiain did in the 1700s; give the offender 10 whips at the back and send them on their way.

Before you can do anything, the lieutenant lunges to the side. For now, he is out of harm's way, but who knows for how long? Okay, you have to stay calm... You see Edna rising her shotgun, she always preferred the "bang" and you aim as carefully as you can.
Nothing. The lieutenant starts to rise up while clutching his arm, but you still see nothing. What should you do?
You share a glance with Edna, and you both decide to move up toward the lieutenant. As he sees you coming, he start telling you off and grabs his sword with his other hand.
"Edna, I don't know what that thing is, but if you can nail its head, I doubt it's gonna survive..." is all you manage to whisper before you see the tip of a gun through the opening. Edna tenses up, but she refrains herself fom firing... Wait, is she shaking?
"I'm not sure I can get it, everything feels so... dark."
Suddenly, the thing advances but the lieutenant drives its weapon down by whacking it with his sword. Here is your opening, you can see the head!
>Take the shot!
>Let Edna take the shot.
>Write-in

>>46313732
Well, as stated, it's higly probable this guard had already done some kind of mistake before, hence his place as a sentry.

>>46313732
Commisars vary, they're all unique people in unique situations from unique locations, it's just the most constant and imposing image of commisars is that of one that executes their own men for heresy/morale. I mean it's mechanically implemented into 40k on the tabletop and in its games.

>>46313908
>Take the shot!
The more bullets in the head the better.

>>46313908
let Edna take the shot and then follow up, assuming it's not a stupid guardsman in the wrong place at the wrong time.

>>46310299
Where is that image from.

You press the trigger, and you watch the laser nail the thing in the head. It merely staggers as its face is burnt off. But then comes Edna's slug and this time his face "merely" explode into chunks.
It falls to the ground, and you rush toward the lieutenant who is clutching his arm... Oh fuck, this is bad he is bleeding lots.
"Lieutenant, are you okay?"
"Hnnggh, I could do better. Listen, if we want to survive, we need to find the Lord General. He probably has a mean of getting away."
"What about the rest of the troups? Aren't we going to stay there to help them?"
"Trust me, if they went up against even fifty of these things, we're better off taking the survivors to the General."
"But..." As Edna starts to speak, Lieutenant Merrick gets up and looks at her: "Don't forget I'm still your superior in command. The Ashen Reapers aren't cut to fight these things, this isn't our specialty."
"Alright. Vape, go up that door and tell me if you see any enemy. Blaze, help me get to the clinic to get patched up. It's nearby, I'll tell you where it is."
You run to the door and peek out. Luckily, nothing seems to be there, but the place is a mess. All the troops stationed there have been slaughtered by these creatures, but by the look of it they are gone.
You look both sides before sprinting towards the clinic and opening the door. The place seems empty, but you can hear a strange buzz coming from the inside.
>'Nade he fuck out of the room. We'll see later for supplies
>Open the door and secure the room
>Wait for the rest of your group.
>Write-in

>>46314285
I made it. Why?
Technically, I retouched an image I got from this site:
http://www.gtazz.com/kataan/igdesigner/

>>46314293
>Wait for the rest of your group.

Who knows what's behind that door, but whatever it is, you sure as hell don't want to find out alone.
You close the door as quietly as you can and you turn back to the Lieutenant and Edna. After they get to your level, you decide together to enter the room.
When you open the door, you find yourself face to face with some kind of hovering metal insect that only the lieutenant reflexes save you from. With a quick slash from the wirst, the creature falls bisected in two.
The surprise gone, you find out that the clinic is empty save for the corpses of the injured who have either been asphyxiated or put down by the enemy. Luckily, you spot a bottle of antidote and you quickly administer a dose to the Lieutenant.
While he has breathed some of the nervegas, the antidote should guarantee that he holds until you find the General. You quickly suture his would as best as you can, and you tie the rest of his sleeve in a knot.
With Edna standing guard at the entry, you ask the Lieutenant if he knows what those things are:
"To be honest, I've never seen anything like that. Before I rescued you and Blaze over here, I saw them butcher some of the finest warriors from the regiment. Never stood a chance, the poor bastards."
He winces when you finish tying this sleeve and continues:
"I don't think even the General would be able to tell you. If he knew such a menace was present, I'm sure he wouldn't have made us land on the planet."
Now that the Lieutenant has been patched up, which way do we go?
>Where the General exited.
>Explore the base and look for other survivors.
>Write-in

>>46314839
>Explore the base and look for other survivors.
Numbers the pride of the IG (unless there's a Baneblade parked in the garage)

>>46314908
I'll be waiting for some more votes and then start writing.

Now that the lieutenant has been patched up, you make the decision to explore the find in order to find more survivors, if there are any.
Seeing as the nervegas has completely filled up the building and the lights are out, you decide to stay together if only to avoid getting lost.
Coming around the showers, you suddenly hear the same buzz you heard in the clinic. Signalling that discreetly to your Lieutenant, you force open the doors and stand ready to shoot anything that moves. This time, it doesn't look like one of these insects, but on person is laying on the ground, unmoving.
As you wonder if it might be a good idea to get close to it, the man laying down twitches almost imperceptibly. Did you dream that? You nudge the Lieutenant:
"Sir, I'm not sure this corpse is truly dead."
"Seeing as we have skeletons running around, I'm not taking any risks. Shoot it."
Edna grabs your hand as you prepare to fire.
"Wait, I don't think he is an enemy!"
As she is saying that, you notice the guardsman rising up with his hands up.
"Wait, are you guys guardsmens? You're not monsters like the rest?"
Edna twitches as she hears the man speaking, and the sergeant steps forward while holding his sword:
"Letilier, what are you doing in that shower?"
Letilier takes his helmets in his hands and starts weeping, and the sergeant is visibly confused.
"Ugh, it doesn't matter. What should I do with you now? You obviously fled from the battle and let us fend for ourselves..."
>Let him go
>Kill him
>Take him with us

>>46315327
>Let him go
He say nothing, we say nothing.

>>46315548
Got it.

Okay, unless anyone has anything to say, last update for tonight and I'll pick up back tomorrow morning.

"Get out of my sight, you disgrace. If you survive this, expect me to kick your ass."
Letilier runs out the door, and as you let him pass, you can't help but wonder if he is going to make it out alive...
Seeing as the showers have been secured, you progress into the base, checking every room for survivors. While you didn't find any survivors, you still managed to get your hands on enough supplies to last a long war for the three of you. While the sergeant decides to plant some mines on the ground before you in case those monsters come back, you decide to see how Edna is holding up.
"Hey, you okay? You looked real bad when they attacked, and I swear I saw something in your eyes. You can tell me about it, you know."
"It's... complicated. You know how everybody says I've got good reflexes? It's more that I see it coming. But when these things appeared, it's like I went blind and I couldn't see anything. it was terrifying. I felt lost, and I'm not sure I would have made it out alive if not for you... Thanks."
"Wait, are you one of these magicians, with weird mind powers? I mean, you don't look like one but..."
She chuckles quietly.
"Well, maybe. I don't know, I think it's far too weak to be anything interesting even though it's helped me enough. I mostly don't want anyone mucking around in my brain."
You wonder, maybe you should talk about that to the lieutenant? He could find a way to exploit that...
>Yes
>No

Okay, going to bed, see you tomorrow!

>>46315982
Too bad few people joined today, better luck tomorrow. Sleep tight

>>46316013
Eh, once I get better maybe i'll get more success. As long as you had fun, it's okay for me.

>>46315959
>No
Don't need no inquisition up our asses, the less people who know the better.

Oh and before I go for good, If anybody could tell what they think of the quest in general.