>the court fool is not a psychotic assassin
>he is not a powerful wizard in disguise
>he's not a demon, a fairy, or the real power behind the throne
>he's just a fucking idiot in a costume who gets laughed at
>>46218025
>He's a single dad
>His wife left him for a blacksmith in another town
>Is nimble with his hands but not couragous enough to steal
>picked up juggling
>King made him his fool
>2 sons are being trained to be guards at the palace
>Decent pay from nobels throwing coins at him
Its a living
>>46218096
Sounds like a good level 1 PC Backstory to me.
>>46218025
>City guard captain is not corrupt asshole
>Is not a right hand man to the bbeg
>is not a lazy piece of shit letting the city go to ruin
>Is just a older man who got promoted and does mostly paperwork and communicates with mayor
>>46218025
It's a shame Fable Legends will never be a thing.
>>46218025
That seems odd. I thought it was important to the role that they be genuinely competent performers with skill at being an entertaining doofus. Like clowns.
![1386445384965[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/8es1ma9.jpg "1386445384965[1].jpg")
>Captain of the guard s a stern, tall, grizzly man
>Long hair, unkept beard, scarred face, eyepatch
>Has a distaste for the PCs, keeps a close eye on them and wants to keep them away from his king as much as possible
>Through petty acts of bullying he tries to hamper the progress of the PCs
>He's just a distrusting guy doing his job
>He's actually pretty chill after a few beers
>>46218096
Imagine being one of those sons. Everyone loves the guy whose father is a retired guard captain, and the barkeep's son gets everybody free drinks. But you have to stand around every day and stoically watch your father make a fool of himself, while nobles throw things at him. The other guards get all awkward and quiet, as if they don't want to offend you by laughing at him. Sometimes when they're drunk, they expect you to make them laugh.
>>46218025
>was drafted into the kings army
>took a mace strike to the helmet
>was never quite right afterwards
Maybe all the kings fools were just dudes who got hit really hard or had down syndrome
Kinda a little sad to imagine a dude with downs being the court jester or fool
He just doesnt know man
>Vizier is not looking to usurp the throne
>Is not trying to force the princess into marriage
>Is not an evil wizard
>Just wants to keep the kingdom from falling apart due to inept rulers
>Still twirls his mustache and strokes his goatee in a very evil manner when he thinks
>>46218198
Still beats being a mud-farming serf.
>>46218159
>Is not evil
>Is not corrupt
>But IS Samuel Vimes
>>46218025
>The tavern owner is not a source of plot hook gossip.
>all he does is sell ale and bowls of stew
>the stew is not made from anything exotic or evil
>he's just a guy who sells drinks and stew
>he doesn't give a shit about putting you to work
>he has no giant rats in his cellar
>>46218198
Fuck man.....
I wasn't ready for a feels thread
>>46218198
>Be poor
>Have no real skills or education, just go around doing odd jobs for a meagre pay
>Always optimistic, crack jokes and make your friends laugh even in times of misery
>The local noble notice you and invites you over to his court
>It pays better than any other job you've ever had and allows you to give your family proper food and some minor luxuries, so you keep doing it
>Over time getting laughed at and ridiculed all the time starts to grate on you
>It starts to bleed over into your private life
>Your wife leaves you for the blacksmith down the street
>Your son says he loves you but never looks you in the eyes for long
>You're expected to keep smiling and laughing, your life quite literally depends on it
>>46218025
The innkeeper was not a powerful hero once. He was not a wizard. He is not the avatar of some kind of god. His stories are all either made up or stuff he's heard from other people and attributed to himself. All his life he's been a lowly merchant, until he struck a particularly good deal and decided to invest in the inn. Ever since then he's been wiping that same stupid mug with the stain and serving mediocre beer to adventurers, dreaming of other people's stories and wishing he was brave enough to leave.
>>46218204
Is it okay to laugh at a kid with down syndrome if he's the court fool?
>the old ruins deep in a forest near village not infested with monsters.
>it was picked from anything valuable ages ago
>it is not a remnants of the old advanced civilization.
>it's just an ruins of old manor where sire used to live before building a new keep for himself.
>The dragon didn't kidnap the princess
>It doesn't terrorise the lands around it
>It doesn't even really have a hoard of anything
>it doesn't live in a perilous cave on a high mountain or volcano
>Dragon simply lives under a bridge, keeps the bridge troll population in check
>Hunts for wildlife and sleeps, leaves everyone alone.
>>46218237
Welp he'll eventually crack. Force his juggling balls down the royal families throats killing them and plunging the realm into chaos.
>>46218324
Or, one day, he just goes to the highest tower in the castle and jumps off
>>46218314
>FUCKING CHROMATICS REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>46218333
>into the moat
>his jester outfit just puffs up keeping him afloat
>he can't even drown himself
>>46218350
Wouldn't his clothes get waterlogged and drag him down?
>The necromancer raising the town graveyard isn't a lich
>he's not even evil
>He's a socially inept wizard who lives alone in a giant mansion
>He's just lonely and wants to have friends, and he's not awkward around his own skeletons.
>>46218357
Not initially giving the men on guard duty enough time to burst the air bubbles with crossbows
>>46218314
>Dragons aren't ancient, gigantic fire-breathing monsters soaring majestically through the sky
>They're just oversized lizards who's only real ability is the fire-breathing
>Fire-breathing's not even a flamethrower, it's just belching out some fire
>>46218237
>His sons are now fully grown adults and have a permanent job as guards with families of their own.
>Decides to spend his free time reading heroic tales and takes up practicing with a sword an bow thinking of his silly childhood dreams.
>The king was bored with him lately so he decides to expand his repertoire with music and some illusions training him self into a proper bard.
>At age 45 he decides he had enough after saving up money and decides taking up traveling the world so he doesn't die miserable with regrets of having wasted his life.
>Ploot hook happens and he found him self a new purpose, new company and a new way of life that he loves.
Here you are.
Good background for a middle aged bard.
>>46218350
Pagliacci?
>The assassination attempt wasn't from a hyper competent killer
>It was a stable boy given some gold
>The stable boy was just a stable boy
>Not a wizard or the avatar of a god
>A stable boy
>>46218415
>entire party consists of middle-aged people trying to not waste their lives
![tumblr_nva32ajFga1ufnh57o1_500[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/yI5nHAo.png "tumblr_nva32ajFga1ufnh57o1_500[1].png")
>>46218415
>His sons are now fully grown adults
>At age 45
If I lived in the middle ages I'd have a wife and child by now
>The king isn't incredibly wise and benevolent or incredibly evil and twisted
>He's just a man with the big job and does his best at it
>He sometimes makes errors and others pay for it, but that goes with being a king
>The pressure makes him anger bursts from time to time
>Doesn't love his wife, but she's nice and cute so there's that
>>46218443
>Doesn't love his wife, but she's nice and cute so there's that
>Implying he doesn't have a mistress
>Implying his wife doesn't have a boy toy
>>46218237
I just can't believe that a court jester who's remotely good at his job would be a figure of universal contempt. Yeah sure the nobles look down on you but that's the fucking hierarchy. From the perspective of any other commoner you've got a cushy job with the distinct perk of getting to take a measure piss out of your betters and not get whipped for it.
>Evil overlord conquers the land
>Attempts administration, fails because he doesn't know how to properly rule
>Popular revolution overthrows him
>Dies by guillotine
>>46218433
... Well good luck trying to find a wife if you are older than 30.
You could always get a latina gold digger from Mexico with a pre - marriage contract so she doesn't steal all your money and has an actual desire to stay with you.
They tend to stick to the men they marry.
>>46218432
More like midlife crisis.
Man becomes a bad-ass by getting through various dangerous situations with his wits and cunning.
Valour bard so he can relive the heroic tales he loved as a kid.
>>46218473
>... Well good luck trying to find a wife if you are older than 30.
But I'm notyetI don't think I'll bother with marriage or children in general though. Not worth it especially in this legal and cultural climate.Mexican women only work out as long as they're in Mexico. When they're in America they start whoring out just as hard as American women.That reminds me of some Syrian rapefugees who went to Sweden. As usual the man went first, prepared a house and a job and the like and then arranged for his wife and children to come over. His wife divorced him almost the moment they arrived in Sweden and now the man has to pay her alimony and child support. No good deed goes unpunished.
To be fair, sometimes as a court fool you're the only one allowed to make jokes at the expenses of the king
>And when the fleet of Philip was destroyed by that of Edward III, no one except a Court fool had the courage to tell the King. Going into the royal chamber, he kept muttering "Those cowardly Englishmen! The chicken hearted Britons! "
"How so?" asked Philip
"How so? Why, because they have not courage enough to jump into the sea like your French sailors, who went headlong over from their ships, leaving those to the enemy, who did not care to follow them!"
>The dark lord is just a normal noble who likes black
>Black is stylish, never goes out of fashion
>Makes him look thinner
>>46218513
Reminds me of how Molière would often make fun of the nobility, his target audience. If you were in the right position, you could get away with a lot more criticism of the established power than we like to think.
>>46218467
jealousy from down the ladder, contempt from up the ladder
>>46218467
Not only that, but you're pretty much only person outside of royal family that can say pretty much anything to a king and get not only away, but paid from it.
>>46218025
Lets say your backstory is that you were a court fool.
What DnD skills would you have for going on an adventure? Sleight of hand skills? Dagger throwing? High speech abilities?
>>46218551
IfMedieval Livesis anything to go by, you'd know how todip your dick in honey and get a bear to lick it off
So animal companion, I guess.
>>46218025
>the court fool is not a psychotic assassin
>he is not a powerful wizard in disguise
>he's not a demon, a fairy, or the real power behind the throne
>But he's the closest thing the king has to a real friend
>He's also the only one in the kingdom with any goddamn sense. And sometimes people actually listen to him.
>And has the well deserved respect of those he entertains. Because genuine laughter is a rare treasure to jaded old men with everything else.
>But then he has to run away/die because the King's daughters are unbelievable cunts.
I seriously need to add this to one of my games someday.
>>46218551
Cracking jokes and physical entertainment, good agility, bluffing skills from acting like a fool, juggling, and some acrobatic skills
This assumes that you're just a court fool, not some secret ninja bodyguard or something
>Giant spider just wants to be left alone
>Purposefully makes its home hard to spot and far away from humanity
>Makes sure not to prey on any livestock, goes out of its way to avoid crossing paths with people
>Adventurers still barge in expecting a fight and high level loot
>Just wants to raise its egg clutch in peace
>>46218587
SIDF please leave
>>46218574
Well one assumes you suddenly gain the magical powers of "leveling up quickly" and "access to the plot" once you become a PC
Prior to that you only have fool skills yes
>>46218499
Well good if you aren't a wizard.
Go out do some sports and socialize.
Maybe find a craft or something you are interested in and pursue that.
You'll meet someone eventually if you know how to act like a good human being and not spreg about everything.
Did you miss the pre-marrige contract thing i wrote.
It's a deterrent so they don't cheat.
Even then there's a great social stigma in Latin-american families on women who divorce from someone.
Also for that example of Syrian women divorcing their husbands, here's some food for thought:
>They are fleeing an Islamic country where they aren't even second-grade humans and are seen as cattle and beaten regularly
>Their husbands most likely pimped them out to get the money to smuggle them selves through Europe
>The cultural shock of seeing how peaceful and orderly Europe is compared to their homeland made many realize that Islam is a bunch of bullshit and that they should integrate as quickly as possible to benefit from western society while it still survives
You'll soon see a bunch of kebab being mad at their women leaving them for westerners.
It happened in Yugoslavia previously because students from third world shitholes got there on scholarships etc. getting a great living and enjoying a civil country.
The married women among them mostly divorced their husbands and found local guys instead.
The best example i know of is my Music teacher from high-school whose mother was a Chinese art student who divorced her old husband in a matter of a few months and married a Croatian dude.
Tell this to /pol/ next time they start derailing threads here.
They can cuck the immigrant and with ease too.
>>46218198
>one day, other guards get too drunk and cross the line
>get into a fight and get your ass beaten
>blames father
>father disappears
>two weeks pass
>other guards find a body in the woods
>mauled by a bear with a wooden sword in hand, you recognize your father's body
>he just wanted to make you proud
>>46218612
>Two weeks later
>Other guard is hanged for Treason
>Notes detailing his plot to kill the thing were found in his quarters
>By the Jester
>>46218572
We Shakespeare now
>Dragon isn't some godlike being locked away for the good of the world
>It isn't wise beyond wisdom, or have the knowledge to guide people or grant wishes
>It's scales aren't impenetrable to anything but divine or blessed weapons, and it's fire can't melt stone
>It's just a really REALLY big dumb animal, and it's causing serious hell for the local ecosystem. One well placed sword blow will still probably cause it to bleed out, though.
I never got the "giant monster can eat bullets and arrows like it's nothing" thing. Technically, shouldn't shooting godzilla between the eyes still kill it? Or at least give it serious brain damage?
>>46218551
Well from the 5 e skills that would be:
Acrobatics, Preform, Deception, Persuasion, Perception , History and Animal handling.
I guess you could add advantage on all attacks made with thrown weapons but this is pretty much bog standard entertainer.
>>46218499
>>46218611
Whoa there I'm not gonna say you are right or wrong but please take that to /int/ or /pol/ or /news/ or literally anywhere else but here.
That kind of posting makes threads derail in the unpleasant way, and /tg/ is supposed to make things pleasant.
>>46218572
Ignoring the actual origin of your greentext, I'm now imagining the King's Fool in a Fae court, who is literally just a rational man making sane and reasonable observations and inferences about the world around him, and the fae court cackling wildly in uproar as they live in a fucking whacky land of insanity where this is a completely absurd thing to do
>>46218648
Square-cube law. If a kaiju really did exist, it'd have unbelievably strong muscles to even stand up, more than enough to ignore bullets like they were nothing.
>>46218176
>Distinction was made between fools and clowns, or country bumpkins. The fool's status was one of privilege within a royal or noble household. His folly could be regarded as the raving of a madman but was often deemed to be divinely inspired. The 'natural' fool was touched by God. Much to Gonerill's annoyance, Lear's 'all-licensed' Fool enjoys a privileged status. His characteristic idiom suggests he is a "natural" fool, not an artificial one, though his perceptiveness and wit show that he is far from being an idiot, however "touched" he might be.
Bit of reading for you.
>>46218544
>The dumbass king Hector is wary of his councellors and takes advice from the stuttering court jester during public audiences to show how he's "listening to his people"
>Court jester has no idea what he's doing but his heart is in the right place
>King Hector entered history as The Fool King Hector for his revolutionary ideas, and ushered an era of peace and political stability. He was also known for his good sense of humor and witty comebacks.
>On his deathbed, the Jester wrote down everything he wanted to say to his king but couldn't (he could only speak about the current subject) in what is now known as the fabled Blubbering Babbling Buffoon Book
>It is said that this book could change the face of the world
>And that it also contains a fucking good joke
>The party has to retrieve it
>It is guarded by the Klown Koalition and the Tumbling Tribe
>>46218753
The Kruel Klown Koalition? With mutant battle-koalas?
>>46218025
>he's just a fucking idiot in a costume who gets laughed at
Oh I'm sorry. Is his style of humour too deep for you?
>>46218791
For the sake of derailing good threads politics should fuck on outta /tg/
Unless it's orc politics. Which would be fantastic.
>>46218824
But anon, real world humans were always orks.
>>46218824
Ain't orc politics essentially Mongolian politics but with less overall success?
>>46218791
I'm the dude that posted that wall of text.
All-tho it was about advice for a guy who probably wants a marriage partner i did bring in some unneeded social analysis which is usually something to avoid on /tg/ since it brings in /pol/ discussions.
>>46218824
Orc politics should fuck of too with them being remade into culturally appropriated niggers thanks to recent trends.
That's the main reason why i make them porcs. evil demon spawn you can never pity instead of this ''noble savage'' crap.
Sometimes mob monsters should stay just that, mob monsters.
>>46218883
The Noble Savage thing usually steals more from Native Americans than Blacks. Just saying.
>>46218883
Yeah god forbid people want a little depth now and then.
>>46218025
He's also a shitter that runs around on rooftops constantly, occasionally throwing knives and stabbing passers-by by accident.
>>46218883
>culturally appropriated
>>>tumblr
>>46218272
as long as you pay him.
>>46218359
I'd be his friend
>>46218883
wow you are awful
>>46218314
I read a childrens tale a while back that had a dragon that stole the sun from humans. Seemingly a badass monster of a dragon alright.
Turns out, the fucker was just really afraid of the dark and couldn't light a torch to save his life.
Cuts a deal with humans to share the sun, he gets it at night time. Thats why the sun goes down every evening.
Thought it was pretty kewl.
>>46218824
I must say that on TNG, I only liked the episodes that involved klingon and Romulan politics. The rest of the show was boring.
>>46219183
That does sound awesome!
>>46218359
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty5R37YF8LU
>>46218648
>>46218389
>>46218314
>Dragon "Hoards" are just piles of dirt and stone which they use to cover their large clutches of eggs.
>Afterwards, the dragons abandon their eggs and fly away.
> In summer, they eggs hatch and the nearby village is swarmed with skittish, goanna sized dragon hatchlings.
>>46218025
>the court fool is not a psychotic assassin
>he is not a powerful wizard in disguise
>he's not a demon, a fairy, or the real power behind the throne
>he's just a funny dude that enjoys making people laugh*
>>46219229
>Dragon kidnaps the princess
>Turns out the dragon doesn't want to ransom her for money
>Or add her to his hoard
>Or use her as breeding stock to create his army of dragonborn
>Doesn't even want to play matchmaker with the royalty of the world
>Dragon just wants to meet an old friend
>Dragon was actually the princess' pet lizard when she was a child that the king and queen forced her to throw out because she found it outside and was probably covered in germs.
>Dragon now has a cleanliness OCD
His name is Scruffy, and he loves bubble baths.
>>46219260
nigga das adorable
>>46218648
>Technically, shouldn't shooting godzilla between the eyes still kill it?
Even a bear or gorilla can take a few to the face before going down.
Hell, even if you actually manage to kill an angry gorilla, it will still keep running and rip you to shreds before it realizes.
>>46218025
>>46218096
LAUGH AT HIM.
>>46218648
>Shouldn't shooting Godzilla kill it
What? Even so far back as the origin movie: no.
That doesn't work. His scales and body are hardened by living under the immense pressure of the deep sea for millenia and then whatever adjustments being dosed with hundreds of nuclear bombs made to it.
>>46218025
>>46218237
This thread describes why marxists believe the nature of the worker-employer relationship is alienating and inhuman.
>>46218389
In my world, dragons can't exhale without breathing fire.
One of the reasons they are dangerous and rarely attempted to reason with.
>>46219360
The feudal relationship you fucking retard. The worker-employer relationship hasnt been anything like that for at least a century.
God damn marxists.
>>46218542
I think it's a mixture of contempt and benevolence / enjoyment.
One noble gets to laugh one day because that asshole who 'stole' his title a year ago gets mocked by the jester.
Another noble gets furious because a stupid man in a stupid costume is mocking him in front of his peers, and he can't do much about it.
>>46219391
Do you think the marxists care? To them, the relationship is still much the same.
>A new goblin chieftain has appeared
>He's been organising the goblin tribes and uniting them all into a big one
>More goblins are appearing near human cities
>He just wants to give his people a better future
>He's even trying to stablish political relatinships with humans for mutual benefit
>>46219438
Besides cheap labor and meat shields, what would a gobo civilization even have to offer?
![Jan_Matejko,_Sta%C5%84czyk[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/UQtSFAx.jpg "Jan_Matejko,_Sta%C5%84czyk[1].jpg")
>>46218220
>Jester is the only one who knows the kingdom is fucked up.
>>46219444
Ammo.
>>46219444
Giant spider silks of the finest quality?
>>46219444
Don't goblins usually live in caves? My guess is they can trade lots of minerals/metals.
>>46218127
>>46218025
it already exists
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scaramouche
>>46218025
>the visier is not a backstabbing traitor
>he isn't undermining the sultan's rule
>he isn't giving conflicting orders to the troops
>he isn't even trying to find magic workarounds to getting the throne
>he is a very wise man whose advice helps all citizens stay happy
>>46219492
But does he do the fandango?
>>46218025
>The assassin isn't a killing machine skilled in any weapon.
> He doesn't have magical, mystical powers to aid him in his work.
>He doesn't belong to a secretive order of assassins.
>He is NOT a fucking ninja.
>He's just a regular thug with a knife who doesn't mind getting his hands dirty.
>>46219495
no but besides being an excellent jester he has been played as a superb duelist
>with thunderbolts of lightning
>>46219526
>with thunderbolts of lightning
That's very very frightening
>>46219526
Very very frightening...
>>46219539
Curse you captcha! Thanks to you I was 5 seconds too late!
>>46219546
he even knew Galileo
>>46218025
>Jester is Keaton level good at slapstick
>nobels laugh because it is well thought slapstick
>laughing at retards falling down is for peasents
>>46218025
Stop it with your speshulsnowflakeness!
>>46219877
And get back to Clichéland? No! You'll never get me, fun police!
>>46218159
>Constantly has to put up with all the collateral damage caused by a loose crossbow elven guard who doesn't play by the rules and his by-the-scroll dwarvern partner who has 1 year left till retirement.
>Burgomeister has his balls in a frying pan after the market district being damaged after an owlbear rampage.
>Knows the Duke's into shady stuff, but for now he knows his best bet's to encourage the duo by being as obstructive as possible so they spite him.
>>46219965
Are there any buddy guard movies or novels? Cause now I'd like to watch or read them.
>>46219461
About time this guy showed up. I love that painting.
>>46220003
Discworld springs to mind.
>Elves are tolerant
>Understand cultures are different
>Try not to look down on others for harvesting lumber and hunting for sport
>Remember that many of the things they take for granted might be strange and offensive to others as well
>Gently persuade foreigners in their territory not to cut trees down by handing out informative pamphlets and offering free educational seminars
>Downplay or gloss over acts of destruction of nature to avoid fueling bigotry
>>46220060
Anon, of course 99% of people here read Discworld books.
>>46220070
I haven't.
Mainly due to a wanker of a former friend who kept obsessively nagging me to do it and larped as Sam Vimes. Rather poorly.
>>46220070
>mfw i'm the 1% that doesn't know what Discworld is
>>46220099
You're missing much, anon. Just saying.
>>46219444
To be fair cheap labor IS a really good offer. And if they get close enough, i'm sure folks would come to appreciate a companion species like Goblins living amongst them. Like we appreciate dogs, you know?
>>46220107
I know, right
The most I know about it was that PS1 game
>>46218185
>>Has a distaste for the PCs, keeps a close eye on them and wants to keep them away from his king as much as possible
To be fair, I've never met a group who didn't warrant this.
>The cleric is not an embodiment of his god
>He does not rain down holy vengeance from on high
>He does not heal with but a touch
>He runs a church and sometimes baptizes a baby
>>46220178
Only sometimes?
>>46220195
It's not exactly a daily occurrence in your average town. Besides, he's a cleric of such and such god, mayhaps there's a following of that other god?
>The blacksmith has no beautiful daughter.
>He doesn't know how to reforge your ancient legendary sword.
>He doesn't even know how to make or repair swords.
>He gets by making plows and horseshoes for the farmers.
>>46219315
Yes my king!
>Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
>>46220099
As I see it you have two options. Read some discworld books or kill yourself.
>>46220351
>the king is a skeleton king
>>46218096
You mean his wife's sons
>>46218652
4chan is nothing but /pol/ or will be.
We are already here.
>>46220065
>Try to cut down elven trees and you have to go to an education seminar
That's one way to keep people from fucking with your trees. Corellon's Witnesses knocking on your door for the rest of your life would make sure people stay the fuck away from elven lands.
>The Head of the Church is not a crazed magical totalitarian monster
>He is not secretly a demon perverting the will of the gods and making people into blood-crazed zealots.
>He does not think the PCs are evil or need to be killed or brainwashed to support the religion.
>He doesn't have plans to take over the kingdom or create a theocratic nightmare.
>He's just a kind man who believes fully in his faith who has a skill of administration, is concerned about what's going on and is very good at persuading people to see things his way without coercing them.
>>46220731
Nope. Don't pretend you're some omnipresent boogeyman. Even if you do have a lot of posters, most of them know where to post /pol/ shit and where not to. Saying "WE ARE LEGION HURRR" doesn't work for /b/ and it won't work for you. Fuck off.
>>46219391
Try 400 years.
>>46219577
Did he know Figarro?
>>46218025
>OP is not a faggot
>He's not trying to shitpost
>He doesn't try to SJW by breaking tropes since they're part of the patriarchy
>He doesn't condescend on people not being historically accurate
>He's not trying to make a "XXXX General" thread
>He's not memeing and doesn't talk about That DM or That Guy
>He's just an elegan/tg/entleman trying to spark a conversation about how a character can be interesting without shoving that fact down the players' throats.
>>46218025
>The court has a nigh invincible !notChess player.
>He has no other particular skills or exceptional talents, he's just really good at this one game, is a level 1 commoner otherwise.
>Tfw your players will get enormously butthurt to find this out, becuase it's "not fair" that a level 1 dumbass can have +35 in a skill.
>>46218096
>>46218198
>>46218612
fuck man...
>>46219444
>what would a gobo civilization even have to offer?
"We goblinoids are just like you humans, except our empire lasted 10,000 years."
- Dhakaani goblin, to a human, in the Eberron capaign setting (Dhakaan fell only because it exhausted itself fighting an invasion from Xoriat, the Plane of Madness).
>>46219218
Wait, are you saying you didn't like The Inner Light?
>>46220998
Well, depending on the game, it isn't really fair.
Having said that, using 3.5 D&D, you CAN get his initial skill check pretty high.
Let's assume that there's a Hobby skill, which is INT-based, and there's a +2/+2 skill feat that grants +2 to Hobby and +2 to, I dunno, Perform.
1st-level human Commoner:
18 Intelligence (+4)
4 skill ranks in Hobby (chess) (+4)
+2/+2 skill feat (+2)
Skill Focus: Hobby (+3)
So at 1st level he can have a +13 to Hobby checks. Unless the PCs for some reason dumped immense numbers of skill points into the Hobby skill (unlikely), the most they can probably manage is +4, or maybe +6 if they took the +2/+2 skill feat (but that would be an utterly waste).
>there is no monster chained in the basement behind a hidden entrance
>there is no undead ancestor guarding the royal family mausoleum
>there is just a well-stocked wine cellar
>the family mausoleum is maintained and often visited by the royal family during the holidays
>>46219391
Have you worked at a walmart?
Replace the outfits and decore and you could swear you were in a middle ages tale, complete with corrupt incompitent nobles who think they were ordained by god.
>>46220141
There is a ps1 game!?! How did i never know that.
Thanks!
>>46218025
There has been a tradition of fools being able to say things that nobody else would be allowed to say, and that they're probably pretty wise.
I'd just love for a party to have to realize that the court jester is the guy who's going to be giving them sagely advice, or just come into the middle of a meeting with the court and humorously call out everyone on their flaws and reveal the obvious bad guy.
>>46220141
>>46220099
>>46220107
You could at least watch The Hogfather on Netflix, see if it's worth getting into for you. That's what got me started.
>>46221163
The problem with that is it doesn't really model the skill curves of traditional games of skill.
If we envision our Hobby (Chess) skill as an opposed roll between two players, our +13 guy still loses to someone who is literally unranked 18% of the time. I play chess.I am a decently strong amateur, with a 2014 FIDE rating as of my last check. I'm thumping my chest a bit here, but I will never, ever, lose to a rank amateur. I've given 30 board simuls at schools, which is probably some kind of penalty, and taken all 30.
And I'm just a strongish amateur player. In all my life and several dozen games playing actually ranked players, I've beaten an IM once, I've scored 3 draws with players of that caliber. And IMs are weaker than GMs. Who are weaker still than players at the very very top, the Carlsens and Kramniks and Anands of the world.
If you dropped me in a room with say, Sergei Karjakin (currently in first place at the WCC candidates), and we played 1,000 games, it would be 1,000-0 Karjakin. And I'm someone who probably does have at least several ranks in Hobby (chess). +13 isn't enough to model that.
>>46221231
Nah. Western European nobles were kinder to their non-free population and the serfs much quicker to riot and rebel if they felt their rights were being infringed on.
Oh yeah, serfs had rights. Normally things like 'Collect wood X amount a year' or 'This passage is to be maintained and travel can be free' and so on. And they got fucking PISSED if those rights were infringed. There were constant peasant riots and small uprisings, but most of them were resolved fairly peacefully and didn't make much historical impact.
>>46221480
Oh yeah, I totally agree, in fact middle age Europeans had /longer/ breaks than we do at one hour, two hour, then one hour again between 2 hour work shifts.
I was more getting at it resembling the 80's paradigm fantasy dark ages, than actual historical times.
>>46218648
Let the dragon eat glass shards stuffed in an animal bait. If he eats it the dragon should die of inner bleedings if he ain't got regenaration of some kind
>>46220139
>Dwarven craftsmen will make you the finest suits of armor, sturdy against any weapon or blow, and richly decorated with each piece being a work of art in itself.
>For the same cost as a single Dwarven suit of armor Goblin craftsmen will churn out twelve suits of munition plate half-armor. They'll be unadorned and of lower quality, but you'll get twelve of them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wohtuqCv5A8
>>46221463
It needs to get up to at least +15 or so.
Then the pro chess player can just take 10 versus common folk with no skill and always win.
>>46221671
Someone like myself, the strong amateur, can take 10 vs the common folk and always win. The pro chess player can take 10 against people like me and always win.
Besides, I thought you couldn't take 10 on opposed skill checks anyway.
>>46221106
>we wuz kingz n shit
>>46218096
As if women could live their husband and not burned at the stake.
>>46218443
Sounds like Kaamelott.
>>46222801
>this is wat feminists actually believe
>the God of Blood is not remotely evil or cruel
>you need blood to live
>>46222801
This isn't India, you know.
>>46221578
Dragons eat metal and stone in a pinch. Glass shouldn't be anymore dangerous.
>>46223275
>not goddess of blood
>the cruelest of gods, who visits women once a month and grants them terrible pain and torture. She can only be dissuaded with an offering of high atheletics or a baby born.
Her high clerics gain supernatural powers during that time able to rend full grown men in half.
>>46218025
>he's just a fucking idiot in a costume who gets laughed at
I like it when the court fool is a retarded royal bastard; and due to court intrigue (i.e. mass regicide) a simpleton is installed upon the throne as a puppet for a corrupt regime.
>>46218467
Your job is pretty much being a royally-sanctioned dick. To EVERYONE. Of COURSE everyone fucking hates you.Except possibly the king. I mean, he gave you the job, right?
>>46219257
I love that guy on the right's expression.
>why are we doing this
>I didn't even want to do this today
>this body's heavy
>my feet hurt
>the guy holding the other end has it easy
>I wish I were at home doing pretty much anything else
>>46218025
>jester is the wisest man in the country
>>46220099
I know someone who could do a pretty decent Ponder Stibbons.
"You know, this kingdom is pretty boring."
"Well, that *is* the point."
"Yeah, yeah, I get the joke, but...why are we here?"
"Don't worry, we're just passing through. Besides, it's not like the DM's gonna mention it; he'll just gloss over this place."
>What it's like when your DM says 'two weeks later, you get to the dungeon.'
>>46218655
I'm stealing this.
>>46223385
I remember something on speculative history that dragons ate raw platinum to cause a gas reaction to make them almost lighter than air.
>>46218648
Only thing that manages to get through godzilla's scales is other giant monsters and he heals like giant nuclear wolverine anyway.
>>46223676
I'd say he's more quick-witted than particularly wise. He knows how to convey important truths behind verbal jabs and double entendres.
>>46224349
There was great intelligence behind his jokes and satire.
>>46224349
>>46224428
I still hit the fucker with a tornado.
>>46224442
Then at least he can say for once he wasn't the one who broke wind.
>>46218544
This seems like it's something that'd vary from king to king. Does anybody know any good reading material on what fools could actually do?
>>46224521
>>46218260
Now John at the bar is a friend of mine; he gets me my drinks for free. He's quick with a joke or a light of your smoke, but there's someplace that he'd rather be.
>>46218025
>the court jester entertained the king with practical jokes
>one of these proves fatal to the king
>regicide
>court jester becomes king by legal usurpation
>all hail the jesterking
>>46221278
There's 2, actually.
>>46224839
Did he say that he believes this is killing him?
>>46218220
What is Meikyuu Kingdom
>>46218468
>>46218432
>>46218220
yes, moar of this!
>>46218389
This is like half of how Japanese media handles dragons.
Either their Chinese style mystic gurus, or they're dumb easily tamed flying horses and wild beasts.
>>46218220
>Vizier looks like one creepy fucker
>Oiled hair and razor thin moustache
>Arch eyebrows
>Always wears cloaks and hoods
>Cackles maniacally
>He just does it to seem mysterious to the ladies
>His dating game is rusty
>>46218612
stahp
>heroes arrive at a new city
>there's rumours around about the princess having an affair with her personal guard
>they're actually just rumours
>nobody started them for any reason, it's just gossip
>the princess and her guard have a strict professional relationship
>>46218551
https://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Harlequin_(4e_Class)
>>46224442
What?
>>46218025
>>46218096
>>46218237
>>46218415
>>46218572
>>46218612
screencap plz, my comp is retarted
>>46218025
>jester famous for wearing deer mask and exceptional skill at poetry
>calls himself Harlequin
>takes off mask
>has grey beard, an eyepatch and actual antlers beneath
>raises a horn and summons the Wild Hunt along with his two ravens, Thought and Memory
>bad endHarlequin, Odin and Santa Claus are all the same person.
>>46225573
Eh, would probably work better as a Skald using Essentials stances as dances.
>>46225288
Does he think he could be an edventurer if he could get out of that place?
>>46218220
there is a play on this idea
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-77cUxba-aA
>>46225809
I think we're on the same track?
>>46218025
>>46218096
>>46218732
Posting based Gropey info.
http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/45429890/#q45435116
http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/45429890/#q45442154
>>46218025
>The lord protector is not corrupting the young emperor to be.
>He does not plan to smother him in his sleep
>He did not orchestrate the death of the previous emperor.
>He does not squander royal funds in order to feed his unquenchable hedonism.
>His rule is only unpopular for raising taxes in order to pay off the recent wars of the empire.
>He's just trying to do right by his dead best friend by raising his son right and making sure there's still a country to rule when he comes of age.
>>46224128
Platinum is one hell of a heavy material. It wouldn't make sense even if he could use it as catalyst for anything, the dragon would have to expand more than a pufferfish to make any difference in weight, let alone "lighter than air".
>>46226515
I believe he's thinking of Flight of Dragons, where dragons were speculated to have chewed limestone for calcium, reacting with hydrochloric acid in their guts to produce a lot of hydrogen for both some extra lift and fire breath.
If there really is something that speculated platinum, I don't know of it.
>>46221709
There's always a feat somewhere that allows to "take 10 on X even when not usually possible" or "you're now capable of taking 10 when rolling Y opposed check", so it's not impossible.
>>46226515
Platinum is a fantastic catalyst, and a dragon wouldn't need much of it. Just a few dozen grams of platinum would work to make a fuckon of whatever your reaction product is.
>>46221463
Get a feat to be able to take 10 in Hobby checks, possibly a regional feat, or take it accepting the flaw of "not really got at anything but Hobby" which gives a -1 to many things. Then, with that +13 the guy would be able to take 10 and always win against your usual 16-or-less-int noble. The super pro, higher level thanks to tournament XP, would have a +23 or more modifier and be able to take 10 the same way this guy does, so he'll always win against that one guy and anyone worse than him. It's really not hard, specially if you throw in some magic itens to boost INT and opposed checks, something a noble would easily afford and a pro would have as either prizes or hobby investment.
>>46221308
>"Look at this goofy motherfucker. Lookin' like he just came back from murdering orphans to summon some demons 'n' shit!"
>The man stirs uncomfortably.
>"I mean, shit, look at the way he holds that glass of wine, like he's afraid if he doesn't move it someone might suspect him of not drinking it for poison or something!"
>The man begins to sweat.
>"And that haircut, oh man! The "I want to look prim and proper when I'm fucking the King's daughter behind his back" haircut!"
>The man reveals he is a demon shapeshifter and attacks.
>>46220065
Most settings' Elves are a beautiful and lithe race, and very sneaky if they need to. They're usually immortal, incredibly intelligent, and are usually the best mages and arcane wielders in the game.
Aside from the fact that the males may be a bit too feminine and skinny for some, the main reason they are hated is because of their arrogance, xenophobic tendencies, contempt of mortal races, and rampant hypocrisy. You're taking out the only part of them that keeps them from becoming an entire race of Mary Sue's.And not to turn this into /pol, but your elves seem to be too much like current-day far-left Sweden. I'm surprised no one else said anything on that..
>>46226809
>>46226720
>>46226515
It was something on the history channel iirc, from the early 2000's
>>46227325
Oh, okay, so it's speculation. Don't talk about History Channel as if it was a scientific source, they're still hunting Hitler.
>>46219444
GOBLIN NUN-CHUCKS!
WEAPONS MADE OUT OF GOBLIN NUNS NAMED CHUCK!
THE MOST DEADLY MELEE WEAPON TO THIS DAY!
>>46224857
>Jesterking
>Not Clown Prince
>>46220178
I guess that depends on if he has class levels or not. If he's a Cleric with a capital "C" he's actually all of those things.
>>46218359
>>46228070
If this happened to a PC, do you think they'd be willing to let the necromancer live or try to help him out, or would they just start slashing and give you a dirty look for trying to make them feel bad about experience points?
>>46228592
If it was my group, they'd try to help him out. I don't know about the average group.
>>46228592
I'd try to fucking recruit him as a follower. Having a dude who can summon an army (and take all the blame for said army) is pretty fucking useful.>I-It's n-n-not like I'd even w-want to b-be his f-f-friend or anything...
>>46228592
One of my party members has gotten buddy buddy with a fucking illithid.
If I was calling the shots we'd be hack n' slashing everything vaguely evil, but I'm part of a group.
>>46227298>Current day far left sweden
>Xenophobic tendencies
hahah what, so many migrant rapists that they let in
Back to Not /pol/
>>46220552
>the king appears human, but has a skeleton beneath all that flesh and goo
>>46218025
>the court fool is the real king
>this way any assasination attempts are automatically failure
>>46229684
Playing a paladin?
>>46221578
It would be like you eating glass powder. Probably not good for you, but probably not gonna kill you. You'd need something proportional in size to the dragon.
>>46218025
Makes sense. Except in this day and age, we call them Prime Minister.
>>46230016I might have worded that wrong.
I meant to say that most elves in other settings are very xenophobic and usually intolerant of other people's cultures, sometimes because they might have a slightly askew version of morality. At least, settings with non-sue, divine Elves usually have imperfect non-physical traits.
>>46220065 has Elves which, in addition to being beautiful and powerful, were also tolerant and understanding, almost misguidedly and blindly so. Like Sweden.
Back to not /pol/.
>>46218648
Godzilla is a natural disaster that also looks sweet. You cant shoot down a hurricane, or flank a tsunami with a tank division, hence why such measures dont work on Godzilla.
>>46218824
Orcs need a 14 year age of majority. It is simply rediclious to require the equivalent amount of ageing for a human to be 27 to give orcs their full rights. #OrcLivesMatter
>>46220877
yes. he was a magnifico!
>>46218433
If you lived in the middle ages you'd be dead for hundreds of years by now.
>>46233066
>>46227374
I literally said speculation. Dragons weren't real either, it's okay to be speculative about them; and I wouldn't have mentioned it if it wasn't relevant.
>>46232792
>You cant shoot down a hurricane
Yes you can, with a big enough explosive.
>>46218198
Being the Court Jester isn't as bad as you think.
He's literally the only person who can make fun of the king without getting executed (within some limits of course, needs to be in good taste.).
Better than being the adviser, mired in politics, never knowing if your next drink is poisoned or that woman gibing you bedroom eyes is carrying a dagger.
>>46234517
>that woman gibing you bedroom eyes is carrying a dagger.
I sure hope she is ifyouknowhatImean.
>>46223530
>You are the court Jester
>You aren't funny. You know no jokes, you can't even do any tricks
>You just spew out insults and banter. Almost constantly, and almost all mean spirited
>Almost everyone hates you, but they can't do anything because the King finds it hilarious
I don't know if the Jester or the King is the bigger dick in this situation.
>>46235273
The King's.
The Jester is part of the King's metaphorical dick at this point.
>>46218824
My good sir, I for one have no interest in the current going-ons of my people, as I am far too invested in the Dwarven Stock Market right now, my shares on the fashion industry have shot up 300%!
>>46218467
Hamlet seemed to have liked Yorick
>>46218468
why hello, Robespierre
>>46219183
Any sauce on that? If I ever have kids that sounds like a book I'd like to read them.
>>46219507
That could actually work really well in a situation where everybody just really overblows an assassination attempt.
Strictly speaking, an assassin is a well-trained/practiced professional killer. Stealth is a major factor. He charges high prices because of his ability to get in and out with a minimum of collateral damage, and can kill the target in a variety of ways depending on the needs of the client, or at least in a way that can't be traced back to anyone.
On the other side of the coin is the hitman. He might cause a commotion, there will likely be collateral damage, and he can be sloppy, but he consistently and reliably gets the job done, one way or another. A hitman who gets away is a hitman. A hitman who gets caught is a murderer.
But if someone hires a hitman to kill the king, he'll be called an assassin and everybody will think there's some huge conspiracy, even if it's just one shopkeeper with radical political leanings who hired a big thug with a knife.
>>46221480
>And they got fucking PISSED if those rights were infringed
That makes sense, really. When you don't have much, and have to bust your ass for what you do have, it tends to make a bigger impact if you lose it.
>>46224128
Discover Channel, I remember that. It was a hypothetical/speculative thing, and the concept was that they were doing an autopsy on a dragon they had found frozen in a glacier.
The idea was that they lived high in mountains because that was where they could find platinum ore exposed on cliffsides. They ate the platinum and used it as a catalyst, along with hydrogen generated by stomach bacteria, to produce fire. The fire was used sparingly though because the hydrogen was also what made a dragon light enough to fly. If they used up too much hydrogen, they would be too heavy to get off the ground, so they rarely used fire to fight. Instead, they mainly used it to cook prey and burn off undigestable bits.
>>46219438
>The goblin chieftain isn't trying to make a better life for his people
>He has no skills other than beating up other goblins
>He has no goals other than stealing booze and trinkets from humans
>All of his successors are going to be just like him
>>46233653
/k/'s got you /k/overed.
>>46222066
Except they actually were in this case.
>>46235273
Could actually be a good backstory for a PC. King dies, jester, being hated by everyone else, is immediately thrown out. This is actually a great starting point for someone interested in doing some in-depth character development.
>>46221480
Came here to say this. The average serf had more rights than the average Wal-Mart Employee.
>>46220731
>implying
I've watched the tyranny of /pol/ over 4chan crumble before my very eyes. Most of the denizens of this realm regard you and your ragtag remnant of neonazi scum as the equivalent of a travelling group of court jesters, albeit one with an actual mental disorder.
Your stats:
STR 3
DEX 2
CON 9
INT 2
WIS 1
CHA 3
Class: Swamp Troll
Skills:
Cyber Attack: 20
Germanic Cosplay: 12
Science: 18
One Handed: 69
Autism: 84.387538964%/23+X
Chart Production: 99999999999
Defense: 2
Base Attack: Nien
Melee: Nien
Ranged: Nien
HP: Nien
Speed: Ur Mum
Age: 47
Height: 3'2"
Weight: 673 lbs
Gender: M
Kinsey: -6 (Asexual)
Funds: Autismbux
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Race: Ze Mastareichen
>>46218648
>It's just a really REALLY big dumb animal, and it's causing serious hell for the local ecosystem.
Did you mean: Monster Hunter
>>46218359
>The Necromancer who raised the whole towns grave isn't evil
>He's not a genius mage trying to create an army of the dead to do his bidding
>He's not even trying to raise the dead for the betterment of the town
>He was trying to talk to the ghost of his uncle and messed up the spell.
>>46218468
>Party of heroes go off on a grand quest to take down a tyrannical lord of a far kingdom
>A long, grueling trek across countryside, mountain top, far and wide
>Encounter monsters and bandits and beasts of all sorts, even some assassins and mercenaries sent by the tyrant who had heard of your coming
>Months pass by the time the party arrives in the kingdom and prepare to face the tyrant and his armies
>Turns out the heads of his armies joined the revolutionaries due to the horrible working environment and the tyrant was overthrown a week before the party showed up
>>46218587
Kumo Desu ga, Nani ka?
>>46218572
>The king is an inept ruler, the only reason anyone listens to him is because of his bloodline
>He is obviously a puppet king for his advisor and the other nobles around
>However both the advisor and the nobles have the best intentions with their manipulations of the king, they know exactly how to keep the kingdom running and happy, they just don't have the authority to do it, so they do it through the king
>>46218096
>telling the DM about your character's direct family
shig
>The wizard isn't particularly wise
>Or crazy
>Or mean
>Or disengaged
>Or God
>No damn it, he's just a guy who likes killing things and chose to do with fireballs instead of axes!
>>46218220
I wonder how a party would react to an obviously, OBVIOUSLY evil court adviser or vizier, who actually is just a nice guy trying to aid the party
>Jet black, slick back hair
>Thin, twitchy eyebrows
>Long, twirly mustache with a long curling beard
>Thin lips always in some scowl or sneer
>Sunken, tired eyes that always seem to be glaring
>Slithering voice that gives you the creeps whenever he talks
>Fuck, make his name I M Eval
>Turns out he wouldn't even hurt a fly. He just has terrible eyesight but chooses not to wear his glasses and a bit of a muscle tic in his face. Also being an advisor is really tiring work, of course he looks tired all the time!
>>46231667
>Probably not good for you, but probably not gonna kill you.
Glass powder is probably likely to kill you, though. Diamond powder is a whole lot more lethal, but glass can still fuck you over.
>>46239426
>He just wanted some advice
>He's not sure what to do with his life and feel's purposeless
>even the long process of learning all those rituals was just a distraction from the fact there might be nothing after that for him
>>46235835
Im currently playing a dungeon world game where I am the dwarven merchant prince of fashion
I am releasing my fall line soon.
Prepare for a triplefold increase in profit
I like this thread
