Your half-orc girlfriend is planning to introduce you to her orcishmother.
How do you prepare?
Jerk off before we go so that I'll last longer.
>>46200363
Depends on setting.
>>46200363
Well ain't this swell. Better pack my bandages and splints, someone is gonna break their leg.
>>46200363
>>46200363
I put on my helmet and cleric garb.
>>46200363
>tfw no half-orcbf
>>46200363
If she had a half-orc kid she's obviously at least a little okay with humans. Grill my gf beforehand about what's considered orc-polite, and then just try not to fuck up.
I make sure my girlfriend is heavily pregnant when we arrive, to show I'm treating her right.
Go down to the local Woolfords and get an outfit fashioned from hides, small animal bones, and feathers.
Get some wax for my teeth, I'm probably going to be expected to either take a punch, or eat silver. Bones I can already eat, but I don't want to chip a tooth.
Make sure I bring a ceremonial offering of dead animals that I killed with just my bare paws.
>>46201266
>that I killed with just my bare paws.
And no, I don't want context. It no longer matters.
>half orc girlfriend
No, OP, I have better taste than that.
>>46201448
>Not wanting a strong orc waifu to spoon with at night
Fucking elves, man.
>>46201522
>wanting to fuck a pig-faced pile of muscle
Fuck off and die, degenerate.
>>46201533
Struck a nerve, Greenleaf?
>orc gf leads me into family dwelling
>orc mom hugs her little girl
>orc mom sees me
>pale skin
>little if any muscle
>robes
>wands dangling from belt
>holding staff in one hand
>"Wtf is this wizard shit!?"
>>46201522
Hey, maybe he insists of a full-blooded orc GF.
>>46201418
>>46201533
Meanwhile, men all over the world are happily getting off with pig-faced tubs of lard. I'll take the muscle if I have to.
Besides, there's always some type that needs some loving and some guy that's willing to give it to her.
>>46201571
Shouldn't be THAT different from the shamanic types they're probably used to.
>>46201599
Those paws are clearly wrapped.
>>46201607
>Meanwhile, men all over the world are happily getting off with pig-faced tubs of lard.
And they're degenerates too. Fuck off and die before you start polluting the gene pool.
prepare for snu snu
>>46201611
Shamans are much closer to clerics than they are to wizards. Besides, I imagine orc society, as a society of power lifters. If I can't benchpress mommy's little girl, then I'm not good enough for her.
>>46201533
I would rather fuck a half orcess than fucking your mother again.
>>46201798
>>46200363
>maintain disguise as proper Orcish suitor
>not that her Spot or Sense Motive checks need much to overcome
>send word back to the other followers of Shevarash that I'm about to discover the location of where the marauding Orc Tribe keeps its breeding stock
>prepare to end the conflict once and for all
>>46200363
I'd prepare for one hell of a threeway by preemptively dunking my dick in steak-juice to let her mother pick up on the scent and entice her to find the source.
>>46201571
>mage-hand her under the table
Easy.
>>46202342
Yeah, I don't have that spell. You can' use it to cause mass death and/or destruction so I never bothered learning it. Seriously, how do you think I attracted an orcish girl whilst being a wizard in the first place?
>>46202384
Are you kidding? You can use mage hand to push the small stone that starts the landslide, to pull the pin on a wagon full of alchemical explosives, to tip over the candle that burns down the city, to steal the letter that starts the war. Just because you have to be subtle, that doesn't mean you can't be deadly.
>>46202455
I ascribe to the Xykon school of wizardry, anon. Two things matter, force, in as great a concentration as you can manage, and style. Mage hand just ain't got no flash. Again, how do you think I attracted this girl in the first place?
>>46202384
>wizanon has never known the ecstasy of pushing the button that should never be pushed from a safe distance
This is how I know you are a low-int wizard.
>>46202546
But then no one would know it was me responsible for all the deaths, and what's the point of that?
I come bearing gifts of ward totems and an elemental for the children of the tribe, then when I'm settled I grace them altering the weather for the next week i'm there.
>Implying you can dissapoint GF's family when you're a Shaman for a living.
>>46202600
>wanting to be the center of attention
This is how I know you are also low-wis.
>>46202603
>Shaman
>not a Cleric of Gruumsh
>>46202632
If it's not clear that I'm the one responsible for the deaths then the mythical GEE EMM will not bestow increased power upon me.
>>46202703
>devoting my life to another people's god
>>46201418
Have you never played as a gnoll?
>>46202851
Monsters are for slaying, not for playing.
>>46201798
Savage.
cum inside both of them.
>>46202862
I don't know if you can argue from that standpoint while we're talking about Orcish girlfriends...
>>46200363
masturbate furiously before going over so you aren't tempted into a threesome
>>46200363
>Half-Orc
The mother clearly already likes cute human boys, you are good.
>>46200363
Get big.
>>46203001
Masturbate furiously beforehand so I last longer in the threesome.
>>46202862Oh I'll *slay* her alright
Practice grappling techniques that focus on subduing so I can assert my dominance as the new alpha male.
>>46201418
>>46202862
>>46200363
Remember the manners I learned from my own orc mother.
Be glad that the Deific Manifestation of my universe is a sane being that allows Con based casters. It's gonna be a long night.
>>46203280
Not Furaffinity.
>Be Druid Dwarf
>have bear familar.
>half orc gf is 2 feet taller then me
>Stays prideful despite the towering greenfolk above me
>set up wrestling mat with vines and shit
>let her orcish family wrassle with Bearington the Bear while I get one on ome time with half orc gf and mother
>Mother asks why she has settled with a dwarf.
>Reply "Dwarves get a plus one to hit Orcs in the sheets as well, if ya know what I mean"
>they both blush
>the wine flows and the two are getting more touchy feely
>both stroke my beard in all the right ways
>mother daughter dwarf fun times insues
>word gets out
>soon breed with all the village
>become chief over Orc tribe
>make hairy green abominations with the female orcs
>life is good
>>46204731
>Be dwarf
>get drunk
ftfy
>>46201533
>>wanting to fuck a pig-faced pile of muscle
Well I prefer them a bit softer...
>>46204810
Get them jap orcs outta here!
I swear Ill build a wall between the autism of our two cultures
What if her mom is just human?
>>46201418
rookie mistake, you think a real orc woman can't tell that shit's from woolfords?
they hate liars too . . .
>>46204829
Fine, have it your way...
>>46201607
Muscle chick on /d/ said that a lot of bodybuilding women are ok with regular guys, as long those guys are okay with a little (a lot) of fem-dom.
>>46202246
>Orcs find out
>Add you to breeding stock
>>46204928
W-woah. Yoko inspired orc
>>46204996
By bodybuilding do you mean just girls who lift or those who make it a career choice?
ctrl + f "smite" = 0 results
come on, guys. You have to smite ALL the evil.
ZYZZ GIVE ME STRENGTH BRAH
BROFESSOR MAZETTI GUIDE ME
>>46205222
I do smite all the evil.
Are you such a unpious paladin that you need a mere sword to smite evil and not words?
>>46205269
whoa, brother. doth thou suggesteth what I think that thou suggesteth?
calleth me a bitchwrought nigger-eth?
>>46205332
Why are you using 3rd person present tense conjugations?
thou = -(e/i)st -t
>>46205332
forsooth.
I say thee have nary game.
>>46200463
Depends on setting.
Ask myself how a small monkfag like me managed a half-orc gf.
>>46202498
>Xykon school of wizardry
He's a Sorcerer
He's like a Discount Brand Wizard who got through College on natural talent rather than actually working.
>>46204928
That's no Orc, that's a green Elf. Maybe Half-elf.
>>46205577
Go to bed, Dorukan
>>46200363
I'm playing a full orc so I guess it means I'll be doing the clan a favor by diluting the pathetic human traces of their bloodline.
>>46205405
you cur.
>>46200363
Be myself. If the Orcs cause trouble, end them.
>>46205227
It's simple, he is merely compressing his arm.
>>46205112
The conversation was focused on women who lifted as a lifestyle/career choice.
>>46202384
> I don't have that spell
> Wizard
> Prepared caster
> Doesn't know a spell
So... go out and buy it. Sheesh.
>>46204731
>>half orc gf is 2 feet taller then me
Wow she is fucking short.
>>46206173
He was tall, for a dwarf.
4'8" I'm guessing.
>>46205577
>Elves
>ever having remotely that much meat on em
Sexually frustrate the orc [x]
>>46200363
Now that I have gained your trust and you have shown me your homelands, let me play you the song of my people.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocW3fBqPQkU
>>46202851
>being a furry
>>46206969
>>46200363
A lot of magical lube.
>>46206983
>Underpoop
>>46207009
Shouldn't you be playing Call of Duty while enjoying your Dewrito?
>>46206983
For some reason this made me cringe.
Maybe it's the fact that you still took the bait.
I dunno.
>>46205405
Thy helmet is as rusty as thy soul, thy mount is the embodiment of thy sloth and foulness, the diseased nag that it is. Thy sword is as dull as thy wit and the pox ridden wenches, that thou go to visit in order to repulse even the tiniest glint of virtue from thy filthy character, telleth everyone of what a small gentleman thou art and how thou doeth thy smiting once in a full moon - they goeth at length about the ineptitude of thy technique and lack of stamina.
>>46200463
True, it's very different if we're at our home, hers or a restaurant or something.
>>46207037
I hope you're not implying Undertale's fanbase isn't in filled with kids who love CoD and FNAF. I also want to strangle whoever compared it to Mother (quirky + pixels != like Earthbound. Pokémon captures the flavor more than Lisa, Off or whatever fotm Indie RPG they're now sucking off) as we now have kids creaming themselves over UT over videos and threads for old games.
>>46201798
BEE TEE EFF OH
T
F
O
>>46207180
Every game has its vocally retarded fans.
Similarly, every game has its vocally retarded hateclub.
And really it's more everything, not just games.
>>46207508
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argument_to_moderation
>>46207551
...Thanks for the link? I don't recall making any sort of argument, but I guess I'll keep this in mind if I decide to.
In fact, here, have an argument: Fuck everyone else's opinion, decide for yourself what you think, preferably after experiencing it firsthand with as unbiased a perception as you can manage.
>>46200394
This, and make sure I've eaten well and done my stretches.
A good Orc mother needs to make sure her daughter has a mate fit for breeding, and there's only one way to tell.
You make a Orc woman's mother cum, and you're in good standings with her family forever.
Expect extra legs of miscellaneous meat and cheek pinches during family dinners.
>>46201599
>exercising your right to bear arms
>>46208188
>tfw warforged
>the orcess insists I am her "husband"
>there was no ceremony, no paperwork
>and now I'm expected to fuck her mother to orgasm
I did not trade in my literal sword-arm for this.
>>46200363
Given how the current game is going?
Get raped by my half-orc "girlfriend", then raped by her mother
>>46203001
>Implying you'll have a choice
>>46206420
>>Elves
>>ever having remotely that much meat on em
Not if you don't enhance them at least...
>>46209125
So what's your point? I see an elf turning into a orc.
Being a half-orc must be depressing.
Would look outside the range of looks for both orc and non-orc parts of family, be assumed to be the offspring of rape, and get the brunt of racial insults from both sides, be "inferior half-breed/not orc enough", and what to refer to yourself as other than your own name.
>>46207508
Undertale's an alright game, and I like it quite a bit, but you people have to fucking understand that your "Vocally retarded fans" are very fucking vocal. Don't bring up that "every show has it though" argument, man.
A shitty fanbase can ruin someone's opinions on a game, show, whatever. You can't change that, and attempting to do so will only make you look worse.
From everyone who wants to fuck the fish, skeleton, goat, etc., I ask you to stop.
>>46200702
Hey.
How you doing?
>>46200363
Since i would never love a half-orc this would never happen so naturally i dont prepare. Except maybe sharpening my Rapier for some orc.killing.
But not much, after all my Elv-waifu is waiting for me back home with the kids.
>>46204928
>>46201561
Better a Greenskin than a greenleaf.
>>46201571
>not polymorphing into a swoler version of yourself
>>46201151
>Your half orc gf is the product of a strong orc barbarian being date raped by a cowardly rogue
wut do
>>46200363
>Half-orc
>Orc is the mother
that's not how half-orcs happen, anon.
>>46212762
Bring her his head.
>>46212966
Female Orcs don't kidnap human and elven boys to keep as sex slaves?
>>46204731
>one on one time with both mother and gf
>one on one time with two people at the same time
Stupid ass forest loving rock nigger.
>>46201711
How many Celestial Fire Beetles does it take to benchpress a half-orc?
>>46201571
Enlarge Spell solves every thing.
>>46203310
How new are you?
>>46213935
Why would increasing the AoE of a spell solve everything?
>>46212616
source?
As a Paladin of Ares I will only have one choice don't I?
Orcs being the very definition of a war baring race will of course deserve a warrior's death, more orc blood to decorate my armor again. Plenty of time in the rest of the night to ask why I have a half-orc gf as well.
>>46206983
Please stop posting my waifu
>>46204731
>hurrr dorfs XDDDDDDDD
kill urself my man
>>46200363
I lift! I train with dual axes! I increase my tolerance to Orcish Grog! I make my Clan strong!I make strong grandchildren!
>>46214483
Shit: The Post.
>>46214614
That describes the cringey garbage I responded to, yes.
>>46214628
It's still shitposting even if you're being ironic.
>>46215318
It's still shitposting even if you're being sincere.
>>46200363
Ring of endurance
>>46214171
>As a Paladin of Ares I will only have one choice don't I?
Sell them a bunch of guns while covering up your little incident with the bug spirits?
>>46214325
Your waifu is second-worst girl
At least it's not lizard-Mengele
>>46201418
My character has a set of gauntlets fashioned out of Bugbear gauntlets. But i'm not that anon in question
>>46200363
Ask if I can bring myOrcfather along.
As I am also a half orc.
I am also probably too stupid to keep my mouth shut and need my slightly smarter father to stop me saying something stupid.
>>46200363
It couldn't be worse than meeting my black ex's mother was. I'll manage.
>>46208417
>I did not trade in my literal sword-arm for this.
Well you certainly should have when you saw the way the wind was blowing. I hope at least you have another arm to trade for the necessary appendages.
My paladin is confused exactly how he ended up in this relationship. "I have ANOTHER girlfriend? A half-orc this time?"
Nina, his first girlfriend will look to Peter and smile. "Yes. Yes you do." Michie will nod emphatically and Geri Half-Tooth will look to them and half a second later also voice her approval of bbeing made part of my paladins incredibly confusing harem. He basicalkly have no choice when women add themselves to his harem.
He then proceeds to go to the orcs and makes a lot of friends with his dashing smile, perfect hair and "rip-trees-out-of-the-ground" strength. Then Nina kills three orcish women who seemed interested in Peter but not Nina and we have to leave in a hurry, taking all the bisexual women with us.
Peter is still confused as to what happened.
My exalted character will at first look calm and controlled, but on the journey there he will mysteriously disappear. Only to return a month later, well after the meet is over with. He will proceed to do this until he is chained and dragged before the mom, upon which he will limit break and murder his way out, killing anyone in his way.
He limit breaks if he's the center of attention and the virtue flaw is to do the absolute quickest solution to the problem. In this case, start killing people for the keys to my chains, and then it probably escalates from there.
He will return to his circle and shrug. "It didn't work out. As expected."
The entire circle will look to him and nod. Ymer being pretty, but a total asshole, not being news. We will then proceed to infiltrate the realm as spies, posing as dragonblood.
>>46214135search vem on hentai foundry
>>46210312
I can confirm, I'm half black
>>46214135
It's futa shit from spazkid, check shadbase of you want it
>>46200363
I hide the greenskin bodies
>>46219469
Black Elf?
Is your other half spider?
>>46218657
CHA is your dump stat, isn't it, Sperg Ferguson?
>>46221067
That's not a cha dump, that's an int/wis dump.
>>46201798
#rekt
>>46200363
Prepare every healing spell at my disposal
>>46200363
As I a Human Druid I'll have to work extra hard to impress her
I bring animal followers like Bears and Wild Cats
I wear my most impressive animal skins
While am there I'll be under buff spells and will Bless the Land
Most importantly I have to beat her with my Bear Hands
>>46221188
>Having a dump stat
>Not just being bad at everything
>>46221362
Reminded me of this
http://pastebin.com/4Nz5Q9DN
>>46205222
Even the little ones?
>>46222240
Fucking paladins can't do anything properly or without SMITING EVERYTHING FOR JUST ICE. You only kill the parents, you then indoctrinate the children to your church and have them rinse and repeat until the world has only one belief.
>>46204731
How's your family tree looking?
>>46200363
>Your half-orc girlfriend
You mean my maid?
>>46222318
>JUST ICE
Well, paladins are known for being very vanillaice ice baby
>>46200363
>praise the dark gods
>>46226085
>implying orks worship chaos shits
GIT KRUMPED
>>46213017
Best answer in this thread so far
>>46213024
>Brave adventurers don't try and have loving sex with toned muscular orcesses
Fixed it for you anon
>>46222318
>until the world has only one belief.
Judaism?
>>46200363
Oil my abs and sharpen my axe.
Either i'll be challenged to a fight or a mud wrestling contest with my mother-in-law.
>>46217482
Daw, I liked her, for no other particular reason than her rape face expression.
would /tg/ do an Oni?
>>46227922
Destroy herWith my penis.
>>46230249
>using a mundane minor weapon of minor destruction against a demon
It's like you don't want her to even feel it.
>>46219589
Half dark elf, half dragon ogre, full edgelord.
Would that make me a third dark elf?
>>46230500
She's not a demon, she's an ogre.
My favorite three fantasy races right now are ogres from warhammer fantasy, dragon ogres from warhammer fantasy (total warhammer has got me hyped as fuck), and beast men from warhammer.
So I'll either: Challenge the leader of the tribe, crush him, then eat him.
Do the same thing but while being struck by lighting and running around at 50 mph with a magical warhammer while also being huge (in comparison to a 3m tall ogre)
Or since the beast men are kinda on the rapey side... http://m.imgur.com/a/1C22N
>>46201798
MCFUCKIN WRECKED
>>46223819
Those Ayumu and Tomaru guys need to calm the fuck down.
>>46230823
>oni
>not a demon
k
>>46230500
Do you really want to throw soybeans at her and make her cry?
>>46200363
I do some lifts, brah
>>46231052
I was going to suggest leaving potatoes outside the door so her shitty cousins wouldn't show up.
>>46227922
>>46231048
She's not an oni, despite the name. She's an ogre. She's closer to a giant than a demon.
>>46232010
But ogres don't have horns.
Or a horn, rather. That's a pretty specific fucking horn, too.
>>46232010
Even the oni in her series are giants instead of spirits, they're just runt ogres in fun colors.
>>46200363
I buy shoe inserts and boots
